Today’s tale/tail is another one about uninvited guests. You may recall I mentioned seein a possum at our office. This latest sighting was originally reported by my friend Mandi, who is also our office manager in our real estate business. She’s renovating the Rattlesnake house across from the Hermits’ Rest, but right now she lives in a house next to our office on Travis in Cameron. This small-town site is just crawling with wildlife. Some of it is VERY scary, especially if you have a “way with words.” Mandi reports (via Facebook, edited to be PG):
Our office kitty, Shadow, recently had kittens. I am on one of my insomnia spells for whatever reason. I’m at the office working on some things, because I always think that if I do some work, I will get sleepy. Doesn’t actually help, but I digress.
Shadow came around about an hour ago hangry from them babies. So, I put some food out for her )I ‘ve been bringing it back in with me, because I know we have a opossum family living somewhere at the office).
Let me back up just a second and remind all, I’m not afraid of snakes. I’m not afraid of spiders. Only the dead mice freak me out.
But, if you hear a rustling in the leaves at 1:30 in the morning and look over expecting to see the office cat because you just called her, and see this instead…
…my friends, I flat-foot jumped onto a four-foot rail with a lawn chair hanging out of my [butt]. I swallowed a lit cigarette, I’m pretty sure. I dove through the office storm door like the antidote was inside (thank God I hadn’t closed the inside door. That glass would have hurt.)
I didn’t make a sound though. At least some dignity is intact from not screaming. Pretty sure I said some variation of the F bomb and, “Not today, Satan!”
My mind said, “That’s a dang Chupacabra! I seent it!”
On the bright side, I left the cat food out on the porch, because I was not fixing to fight a damn Chupacabra without a Crucifix tonight Jesus, and try totake the food away from it. So Chupacabra the Possum came back to the bowl.
Now that I was inside and safe (since it doesn’t know the code for the back door), I removed the lawn chair from my rectum and changed my pants. I then took pictures, like the paparazzi sneaking around the corner, all zoomed in.
I followed this guy to the nest and now know where “home” is. A whole fandamily of little Chupacabras, and one big one looking like the hounds from the original Ghostbusters. If it would have said, anything remotely similar to the word “Zeul,” my butt would have jumped from roof to roof to my house next door.
And PS: we don’t want to kill them. Our office had to be sprayed for fleas, and there have been ticks as well. (No fleas or ticks at the two houses that actually have pets, but only the office, where Shadow doesn’t even hang around if no one is here. Obviously it’s the Possum Family. We just want them to vacate and live happily ever after elsewhere. This happened last year too before Shadow came and neither house even had people in it, and we started seeing opossums right after we noticed the fleas.
Anyway folks, I just wanted to make this post in case no one has heard from me by 7 am, please come check the roof of the office and my house.