self care – The Hermits' Rest

Crafting Compulsion

I noticed last night that I was feeling “antsy” when I was watching Deep Space Nine with no project in my hands. I’d finished the red hat and both days of February in the other project. I realized I was using the rhythmic knitting and crochet stitches to self regulate. I guess that’s what I’ve done my whole life, with all my lifetime of anxiety. At least my compulsion occasionally results in something useful (or yet another partial project).

I use this fine afghan stitch coaster daily. Crafts CAN be useful!

Not to worry. I recently got inspired and bought the yarn to make what I think will be a pretty blanket, in a very pleasing wool. I’m so tired of acrylic, though it’s the best choice for the temperature blankets.

There are two different types of squares in the blanket, and they are joined with the white (undyed) yarn while doing the final round. I think it will be a lot of fun, and I’ll enjoy the pretty colors.

My first squares and three of the tonal colors.

I also got a good supply of red wool worsted for more hats, too. I hope to make some for friends. This will ensure, as they used to say, “no idle hands” (title of a book about the history of knitting).

I ordered these before I found some really good red yarn in my stash (with moth damage on one skein).

I’ve always turned to the colors and textures to distract myself. I made soooo many socks in the mid 2000s when my beloved job was going down into the chaotic toilet. And when my mom was dying and my relationship falling apart, I made giant, complicated fair isle and Aran sweaters. It helped.

Inadvertent photo of my emotional state. Muddled.

And hey! I can do handwork AND hang out with birds! Win.

Maybe I’m Not Cut Out for This

Yesterday I worked ten hours and had eight meetings, nearly all of which were challenging and some of which were stressful. Yow. I was truly wiped out at the end of the day, but managed stay online another half hour for my tarot group. My ears hurt from wearing headphones all day!

I wished I was on the porch with all the new pillows and cushions.

It has taken me all day today to recover from yesterday. Luckily today I had some nice writing to do, and lunch to enjoy, which helped. And a friend dropped by after work, which was a good surprise.

Drew and I felt similarly yesterday afternoon.

Never fear, I’m still loving my consulting job and the people I’m working with, but it’s a real job so of course there are challenges! I’m just disappointed that I didn’t recover as quickly as I’d like to have. It makes me feel my age. Ugh. I’ll have to figure out a way to ration my energy better. I want to contribute!

This is my bucolic photo of behind the house for Robert.

I spent as much time today as I could meditating and planning how to care for my energy and brain so I can be productive.

See how perky I looked with my official iNaturalist shirt and cicada earrings?

Naturally, hanging out with birds helped me clear my mind. There were so many today, which was great fun. Red-eyed Vireos were everywhere making their weird sounds, as were Great Crested Flycatchers, and not fake Mockingbird ones, either. Just identifying what was flying while I was floating in the pool around sunset was enough to bring me back to my center.

This bird sighting made me chuckle. The Great Egret looks fascinated by the cow’s rear.

I’m sure glad I live here in the peace and quiet (mostly; tonight they’re harvesting Milo or something across the road, which entails big machines, shiny lights, and hubbub.) That’s just once or twice a year, though.

Carlton would like me to go to sleep! Okay!

Tarot cards of the day

Yesterday my card was the Teacher or Hierophant. I like this image of a wise person learning in different ways. It’s better than the mean institutional guy in Robin Wood. Plus it has a Great Blue Heron!

The card was a great choice, since the spread my tarot friends and I did last night was about messengers and the lessons they had for us. I was encouraged to keep going in my new endeavors. Also I had to laugh when I drew the 3 of Cups as one of the messages, because it had happy, playful otters on it!

Today’s card was The Sun, which I forgot to photograph. It’s very summery and happy in the Gaian deck. To me it felt like celebrating that I am handling what comes my way with positivity, even through some painful times of change.

This is Benebell Wen’s image. I’ll replace it tomorrow when I go downstairs.

Retreat, Accidentally

I didn’t intend to spend the day isolated in my condo cave, but I did. It rained a lot today, so nearly all the walking I had planned was canceled.

I did get out for 45 minutes this morning between meetings. I spent it wisely, by going down the beautiful prayer walk at a church just down the road. The church has outdoor services weekly (I heard them on Sunday) and a beautiful, natural grounds.

There were many birds enjoying a break from the rain, so I was happy to watch and listen to them for a while!

I did myself a lot of good by letting myself get lost in the ambiance of a wet woodland. The southeastern US certainly has wonderful wooded areas. I found many shiny leaves and, as always, was amazed at the variety of shapes and textures. Forget about identifying them; just enjoy the variety.

After finishing work for the week, I borrowed two movies from the DVD library. I enjoyed both Fall Guy and the latest Aquaman movie. Both had Jason Momoa in them. Heavy in the action and fake violence, but that was fine. It distracted me and kept me cozily knitting in my cave.

I watched all my favorite television shows, too, so I felt very distracted by escapist media. That’s fine upon occasion and a good way to get some soothing self care. Today probably did me a lot of good.

Another Kind of Vacation

Driving home from the state park was a depressing reminder of how divided our country is today. Sometimes being a sensitive person makes me too vulnerable to attack ads, negativity, and the spread of misinformation. And when people I care about are sharing the worst misinformation, it’s too much.*

So I was thinking that I can’t control what’s on television and other media, but there are things in my sphere that I can control. So I’m taking a vacation from my Facebook feed. I’ll miss some good news and other personal developments that happen, but I’ll get less agitated.

Maybe honey locust leaves are like gummies for birds. He seemed really mellow. Maybe I need gummies. No! Drugs/herbs are not the solution, ha ha.

I have other ways to keep in touch! I’m sharing the blog posts on my ranch Facebook page, and dog and horse updates on their pages. And people can comment on the blog or email me. Just ask.

They need more than 197 followers. Of course, I haven’t been posting there since I got so busy.

But, I’m not an influencer. I may be an asocial media influencer at that. It will not be a big deal to go away for a while. I just finally hit the point where the benefits of connection no longer outweigh the negativity and hostility from people who mean well.

Fiona agrees that she’s pretty dull, especially when no one posts on her page. I’m guilty.

Other news? Goldie’s biopsy report finally came in. Indeed she had or has osteosarcoma. The best news is that it’s not a highly aggressive or in a one. I guess it’s the least bad kind of a bad thing.

She started licking and messing with her leg where her old hotspot and IV were. So we covered it last night. The vet I talked to today said it needs to able to breathe, so it’s off now and I replaced it with a sock. It’s one that was really tight on me, but is probably too big. We will keep trying.

We have another shirt on her, too. She can lick her incision. Ugh.

I’m okay! I just don’t want to be hammered with partisan politics, name calling, and intimidation for a while. Self care rules, y’all.

Cindy and Cathy take care of each other and rarely argue. Well, as far as I can tell.

Oh yeah: take care of yourselves, Florida friends!

*some great friends I disagree with are sharing factual information that makes me think. I appreciate those perspectives.

Self-care-a-rama

Worrying about my sick dogs won’t help, so after getting them both to eat their medicine (Harvey eats anything and Goldie finally ate hers with chicken breast), I figured I’d better work on my own well being.

Work was a good distraction, especially if you enjoy rolling reorganizations. But I really leaned into (ooh, I finally used “lean in” on purpose) making a comfortable environment for myself. I haven’t been able to swim due to being on antibiotics and wanting to stay out of the sun, but I worked on making the pool area better by getting rid of two volunteer trees and more annoying nutsedge and spotted spurge. It was too windy to use herbicide, and besides, it doesn’t work on sedges.

The biggest improvement I made was to set up my outdoor workstation where I can keep my laptop and phone charged. My household member got us a bartered table with two chairs that’s perfect for my needs. The chairs are comfy and easy to clean.

Lee helped me get it perfectly in the middle of the back porch, where it’s always shady and there’s usually a pleasant breeze. It will get more sun in winter, I hope. At least I’ll be able to use it in three seasons.

Watching horses, birds, and cattle are really soothing for me and keep me centered. I’ll need that for the foreseeable future.

Apache points out that petting him is self care

Self care also means looking around and enjoying life around me. That was helped by discovering this beautiful new (to me) butterfly, the Common Mestra (Mestra amymone). It’s pretty on both sides. I got to watch it feeding on frog fruit for quite some time. I just found out from my friend Linda Jo that this butterfly hasn’t been recorded on iNaturalist since 2016!

There were also the usual flowers, fungi, and insects. I’m so glad there’s always something new.

One kind of self care I engaged in was getting the heck out of a potentially dangerous situation. I went to pick up a package from by the front gate, and heard a droning noise. Oh my gosh, it was another swarm of bees, only these weren’t all massed together. They were everywhere. I couldn’t tell what kind of bees they were nor if they were angry. I left after taking this picture. Zoom in and you’ll see all the insects!

Maybe Lee disturbed them when he mowed the roadside.

I also tried to take a nice walk in the woods to see the pond on the other side of the fence, but tiny and zippy mosquitoes chased me off. I understand why the cow that was glaring at me went swimming.

Between all the outdoor pampering and some great conversations with friends, I’m not too bad. At least the Covid symptoms are about gone.

Self Care Begins at Home

How do you practice self-care?

Oh, there’s so much I do to maintain my tranquility. Daily meditation, yoga/stretches, my antidepressant, hanging out with horses, sleeping enough, and plenty of exercise, outdoors. With nature.

Happily, we made it home today, so I can get back to my usual routine. I did plenty of self care when we were traveling, though, including connecting with friends. We got to see my friend Steve again before we left, so I could get a picture.

I also needed to pick up two bags of plarn, yarn made from plastic bags. I sure hope I can make his cousin proud by making something for a charity out of it. I happen to know the stuff is hard to knit and crochet with. Maybe I’ll weave it? We will see.

It was great to get back to central Texas. It’s so green here (thanks to rain), and it’s nice to see creeks and ponds with water in them. I used to make fun of one of my professors who said he was moved emotionally when he first saw corn upon returning to Illinois. Well, I was moved to see my first corn growing in Texas. I should apologize to Jerry, ha ha.

It was good to pet all the the dogs and hug the heck out of Apache. Even Buttercup the chicken was glad to see me.

I was too busy hugging or petting the rest of the animals to get photos.

I’m remembering that my self care is mostly internal, but the little physical things you do for yourself matter a lot. Hmm. It may be time to take a dip in the pool, one of the best self-care things I do.

A Weekend for Me

This entire weekend I did stuff I wanted to do, when I wanted to. Now, that’s relaxing! Even sweeping the chicken house and getting rid of feed bags was done on MY time. I didn’t breathe poop, by the way. Lesson learned.

I do have a funny horse story. I was out in the pasture heading to bring in Apache, who still likes to play hard to get. I know I’m sending off good vibes, because every other horse comes right to me. And that’s what was funny. Fiona had already latched on to my side as I walked to Apache. Suddenly I heard thundering hooves, then in a puff of dust, Drew’s head appeared directly beside my face. He was just SURE I was looking for him and he was concerned he was late, because he had to pee. Obviously I have no trouble catching Drew. Eventually I once again had to maneuver around three horses and a donkey who were dying for me to take them off to be groomed.

They are all right there. Happy to see me.

Now, once Apache decides he’s ready, he is no trouble at all, and seems to enjoy walking around, being groomed, and riding. He just wants to be the one to decide it’s time to go do stuff.

I’m working on letting Suna be the boss.

He’s so much fun, though. I’m not complaining at all. We have had many years to develop this relationship, so we’ll keep working and I’ll enjoy the ride, literally.

I got a bath, so I could roll and get all dirty again five minutes after this picture was taken.

The rest of today, like yesterday, was spent knitting, floating in the pool, napping, and hanging out. Lee, Anita, and I even got to go out for dinner! My sour cream enchiladas were great, plus they didn’t mess with the temporary crown I need to keep in until Friday.

Naturally, ha ha, I took some nature pictures. This little garden spider got quite a catch!

The aviary kept me all excited again today, though. We got to watch the wren feed her brood and enjoy all those fledgling barn swallows darting and swooping along with their parents. They seemed pretty proud of themselves to be able to sit on the light fixtures.

And to top it all off, there were more genuine clouds in the sky tonight (there were some yesterday, too, but no rain).

That led to an amazing moonrise and sunset. The moon was pretty such a short time. I’m glad I was taking my time and enjoying everything that came along tonight and the rest of the weekend.

It may be time for a new Facebook cover photo.

I hope you have a good week and that the weekend refreshed and renewed you, even a little. I certainly needed some time to reflect and treat myself kindly after beating myself up a bit last week!

I felt like the heron. At home in my place.

Self Care Lets You Care for Others

It’s thoughtful not to bare your inner torment then just drop the subject. People worry (at least two of them!). So, hey, not only did I get in some quality talk therapy and encouragement from people I rely on, I bravely ventured to a new health-care facility to get my medications back (or see what other alternatives there are).

Hey, look, my tack room has a horse sign now. Thanks to Lee for hanging it!

Cameron is not overly full of health-care options, but a new one opened last month, and I tried it rather than stressing myself out by going to my old neighborhood in Austin to see the doctor. More self care, right there! The facility is nicely renovated and conveniently located on the same road we live on (only in the city, not the country). I had a rather negative first impression thanks to the relentlessly cheerful Christian radio station (complete with phone number I could call to get the staff to pray for me!) that clients have to listen to. But, at least it was positive in focus and not a certain television network I would have walked out on.

Good news! The PA I met with was just great. We talked a half hour, at least, and he both listened and shared information with me. I went ahead and got the same thing I was using before, but he gave me some ideas to look into, including a kind of progesterone treatment I hadn’t thought of. If it would help my hair grow more, maybe I’d like it. But, I’m going to read up on it a LOT before trying anything hormonal. I am really susceptible to hormonal flux.

Great blue heron says, hey, the pond got a wee bit bigger

Anyway, I’m hoping I’ll feel more like my easy-to-live-with self soon. That will let me be helpful to others, including animals. And oh my. Poor Vlassic needs help. Last night it rained, and of course rain is good, right? Especially when you are in an intensifying drought.

The rain came with thunder and lightning, and poor Vlassic was over in the RV alone. He didn’t cope well. When I came to get him this morning, he couldn’t walk right, was screaming in pain and was unable to bark. He must have panicked. Well, that is NOT going to happen again.

It looks like his companion in the RV won’t be home for a while, and Vlassic won’t come in our house because Penney traumatized him soon after we got her. So. Lee and I have all his stuff set up in the new apartment, even though it isn’t quite finished yet. There’s a couch in there, and I’m going to sleep in there with him until his buddy comes back. Then it will be plenty busy and he will be happy again.

I can’t let my animals get all messed up. I’d been thinking Vlassic would only have to stay alone for a few days, but that isn’t the case. He needs to be with people at night as well as during the day (we’ve been spending a lot of time with him during the day). So, wish me luck, knowing how many nightmares I’ve already been having! But, Lee will have the other dogs and I’ll have Vlassic, and we will all have the care we need.

This will work until next week, when we had planned to go out of town. I’ll have to see if I can get some help after that if Vlassic’s companion isn’t back yet! Or stay home. I can also do that, because my little buddy’s more important than a vacation!

I guess this is good news. We apparently have an aviary in the porch. The former ceiling fan fixture near where the swallows live has just morphed into a gigantic sparrow nest. Mrs. Sparrow seems so happy about it. At least we lived here quite a while before those English immigrants found us!

Now, I have to say, it is hard to not be grumpy about some things. Some dog ate my crochet hook. It was a nice wooden one. Now I know I have many, but they are all packed up still. Damn. Back to knitting until Friday. Um, let’s look at more photos of more cheerful things…ish.

My former crochet hook. I thought they’d eaten a walking stick bug. No.

Not as Butch as I Am in My Mind

My mental image of myself is some tomboy wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and boots. My actual self keeps wearing a lot of jewelry, growing my nails (not at the moment), and messing with my hair. It’s been so many colors and shapes. But at least I’m now going for a color found in humans.

No not platinum blonde. White. Icy white. It looks kind of butch, right? Tell me yes. I am going for a neutral look. Why? I like it. But I have the girly option at any time!

The good news is I don’t have to indulge in fancy hair often. My roots didn’t look all that bad before I went in. So, twice a year I can look like the human version of Carlton and Gracie Lou, our whitest dogs.

Kathleen just reminded me that self care is important. And it is. I actually feel a bit better today. Even pretty in my gender neutral way.

Part of that is thanks to y’all. Your support has helped! Tell me, what’s your favorite self care activity? Mine is HAIR.

One Last Day of Rest

One thing I’ve figured out in the past year is that I need more rest than I’d been getting. My mental health is so much better now that I’m allowing myself more downtime. I’m going to try to keep that up. After all, I’m at the Hermits’ Rest. I should rest when I can.

I’m not even going to pressure myself to blog if I don’t have anything useful to say. My plan for today is to finally ride Apache again, and otherwise knit and play with dogs.

My role model can snooze under the afghan while I knit, now (that’s the back).

I guess there IS good among the challenges of this era. I do see more self care and kindness to others. Let’s keep it up!