improvement – The Hermits' Rest

Good Progress

Just a quick note to say how much fun Vicki and I had with our horse lessons today.

I have finally gotten Apache back in shape enough to run like the wind, or that’s how his fast trot feels to me. That led to cantering in the round pen again. Neither of us liked going through the weeds in the pen, but we did it. I’m sore and I bet he is, too.

He got to wear his new accessory today. Snazzy.

And Drew showed big signs of improvement and glimpses of his old personality. Just working a bit more consistently with Vicki has helped lots. She’s really good with him and today let her see his potential. We were happy riders today.

No photo of Drew, but here’s a pretty late afternoon sky.

And we got to meet a new puppy. She’s a little bundle of curious Rottweiler energy! I look forward to getting to know her as lessons go on.

The older dog is thrilled to have a young playmate. (Picture from Tarrin)

I’ve been resting and thinking about many people I care about. I’m enjoying every pleasant moment.

A Little Success Lifts the Faltering Spirit

The past few months have been pretty heavy. There hasn’t been much to counterbalance the sad, scary, and stressful. I miss Goldie, I’m disappointed that Drew and I aren’t meshing well, I miss the routine of a job (after ONE day of “retirement”), and I worry that more bad things will happen to people I love. As I read today, we’re in the middle of “the troubles” we’ve been warned about for so long.

With that background, you can imagine I would be in the market for some potentially positive counterbalance! Sure, hanging out in nature helps. But I was pretty sure by this afternoon that I could use more.

Spotted Horse to the Rescue!

It had been a while since I’d had an Apache horsemanship lesson, thanks to Tarrin’s glamorous famous horse trainer adventures and my endless nature exploration. Today there was a lesson scheduled, which was good news.

Maybe good news for you, Suna. It means I have to work.

One of the many disappointments last week was that I had to cancel going to a friend’s arena to participate in the first horse show of the year, a “virtual show,” where you can be anywhere and just film yourself doing the show tests. The weather yesterday did NOT cooperate.

That meant more time for Apache to bury his head in burs and make his forelock look silly.

I figured that part of my show was not in the cards. But I heard that Tarrin had the show obstacles set up at her house, and asked if I could do the two parts of the show during my lesson. She said yes, so I groomed the heck out of Apache (who had decided it was a fun idea to roll his white body on fresh green grass) and packed up a shirt with a collar and a belt. Off we went to see how we could do in a more laid-back setting.

Heading off to the arena. He’s loaded down with equipment.

Lee came along, too, with the fancy camera. He was also drafted into filming. What a trooper.

This is my favorite of his pictures. I’m talking to Apache while holding an awkward object and he is giving side eye.

Imagine my surprise when Tarrin said we’d do all three parts of the show this afternoon. She had the dressage arena set up, too. Unfortunately, I’d barely studied the dressage test, thinking I wasn’t doing it. Oops.

Lee was filming during dressage, so enjoy this photo of one of the horses in training.

But guess what? It all went just fine. Even I could tell that Apache and I have both improved, though he was trotting like the RV going down a dirt road: bouncy. We did okay on dressage!

On the next part, I was very pleased with his stops and starts and his patience at the four obstacles involving picking up objects.

I was pleased with myself for managing to ride over a bridge, step him over a tractor tire, and do a slalom all while holding an awkward object. He even backed up appropriately and side passed over a poke! Major improvement there .

Sure, our gate opening leaves a lot to be desired, and he stopped during transitions on the barrel maneuver, but we can work on that! I was so proud of us.

Will we get a ribbon? I am not even worried about that. I’m just so pleased that we are improving that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone who’s on a different part of their journey with their horse. See, I learned another life lesson, one that makes shows much more fun.

Having a bit of hard-earned success with my horse is just what I needed to buoy my spirits. I’m feeling more hopeful that I’ll find ways to get by, keep up with horse lessons, and have positive counterbalances to the near-overwhelming doom and gloom.

Apache Smoke Signal: Superstar

What? That’s my superstar horse’s whole name that he’s registered under. If I’d named him, it would have been something more culturally neutral, like Gary or Fred. He doesn’t care, though, and also answers to Patchy or Patch.

I digress. It’s been a long but good day. Life is back to normal, with my bird friends, my chickens, and business transactions taking up a lot of time. I’ll explain all that soon. I keep putting it off.

The rest of the day involved horses, mostly the 19-year-old superstar to whom I referred earlier. First, he will now take his new powdered medicine in “horse crack,” which he wouldn’t before. This is GOOD. If I can avoid the applesauce routine, I’ll be pleased.

I want to keep him healthy and pretty. Photo is not from bur season.

Second, he was incredibly patient as I got him ready for his lesson this afternoon. It has been rainy. That means muddy horses. The hay ran out. That means horses spending time looking for delicious grass among cockleburs. Ugh. I could not finish getting him cleaned up in the time I allotted, so I had to finish de-burring after we got to Tarrin’s. Luckily, I didn’t miss much of Sara and Aragorn’s lesson, which was interesting, because they were doing the same exercise Apache and I worked on last week.

Note burs in mane. It was much worse today.

But the reason I say Apache is a superstar is that he is doing so well with his development and cantering on the ground, and is really working well with me under saddle. It feels like we’re both learning at a similar pace, and doing well, despite our ages. I can’t believe how he is responding to my cues and that I’m capable of giving them! He is very close to being able to canter under saddle.

Yes, he should have been able to do that when he was young, but he, Sara, and I had to learn a lot before that could happen. Here we are now, though! We are both enjoying ourselves at last. That was my hope for us, to become partners and have fun.

I’m so full of gratitude that I’ve been able to go on this journey with my buddy, and that Tarrin’s patience and dedication to our success has paid off. Plus, I’m grateful that Sara let me have the opportunity to work with Apache.

It’s been fun learning together, at our very different levels.

Next? More cantering and slowing down/speeding up, plus continuing to get Drew back on track.

Drew: I’m happy just hanging out with my buds and collecting burs. Don’t mind me.

Tomorrow back to non-equine topics.

We Were SO Worried

I haven’t been talking much about Goldie’s health in the last couple of weeks because she really hadn’t been doing very well (if you missed it, we had to have her left front leg amputated due to an aggressive osteosarcoma; she is only three years old). Shortly after getting her stitches removed, the area under the incision started swelling. Then one day, when she seemed better, she tried to run after cows, and that wasn’t good. She must have hurt herself, and she whined a lot and barely got up off the couch for many days. She stopped eating and looked so sad.

No photo of sad Goldie. Here’s the sunrise.

Lee and I both wondered if we had made the right decision to try to keep her alive and enjoy her for some more time. We didn’t like to see her looking defeated and in pain.

Lee took her back to the local veterinarian, Dr. Amy last Thursday, while I was in San Marcos. They ran some tests and looked her over. The consensus is that she did something that caused internal bleeding, but that it was clearing up on its own. The pain was from an infection (I’m not sure where), so she got antibiotics. And the reason she wasn’t getting around much was that her front leg hurt. Amy theorized that it had probably started before the surgery when she started relying so heavily on her good leg. What a mess!

So I spent the weekend enjoying plants and birds and such, but worried that I’d get a sad call from Lee.

Luckily, that is not the case. Goldie has been gradually improving since she started antibiotics. The swelling has gone down greatly, she is alert, she eats, and by gosh, today she acted pretty much like her pre-illness self. She came out of the house multiple times and walked around, sniffing and doing dog-like things. She walked up and asked me to pet her many times while I was working on the porch.

When I came home from a quick trip to the drug store, lo and behold, ALL the dogs were at the gate to greet me, even a smiling Goldie. That inspired a smiling Suna. This evening after work, I decided to go outside and asked if she wanted to go. Boom, she was up, and beat me to the door! When I was looking at birds (too windy to hear any!) and realized she was following me around, like normal.

She had been very slowly hobbling around outside, and mainly doing her dog business and lying in the sun a bit. Today her pace was normal. She even went up and down the steps, which she’d been avoiding. It has been a good day for Goldie. I’m hoping they continue. I even can tell her hair is growing back in. Let’s hope for more good days, weeks, and maybe months for our intrepid Golden Girl.

Goodness Gracious I’m Good

What are you good at?

One thing I’m good at is having a consistent meditation practice. I’m not good at some of my more spiritual things (not very expert at Buddhist practices or very organized as a nature worshiper). But by gosh I’m gonna meditate every day. It’s good for me. If meditation offends you, then, I’m silently praying.

My meditation view isn’t as good as it was last week, but there are still flowers.

Hmm, that’s not what I intended to write about, so let’s find something else I’m good at…observing nature! Yeah! I’m extra good at that, and sometimes wish I could have worked as a naturalist in some fashion as a profession.

Striking caterpillar of the Wilson’s Wood-nymph moth

But, I’m also good at writing and editing, so I did get to use that throughout my working years. I can even write academically, but since I became a technical writer, I’ve stuck with simpler word choices and sentence structures, so as not to obfuscate my scintillating pontifications.

That’s not funny, Apache (couldn’t resist posting another yawning photo)

Of course, I’m good at knitting and crochet. I’m crafty, but not necessarily artistic.

I also hope I’m good at supporting my friends and family. That one waxes and wanes, and as long-time readers may know (I do have a beloved child and petulant sister who I did not support to their standards). But hey, I went to see the niece Kathleen in the hospital for her latest spider bite and brought her flowers and a card (along with son and partner). I’d have visited sooner, but I kept thinking she’d come home quickly. Her body just does not deal with spider venom.

Snakes are looking for her. (Non-venomous)

I like all those positive things I’m good at. I used to be very good at putting myself down, blaming myself for everything that went wrong, and contorting myself to try to get people I cared about but who didn’t care about me to change their minds. I’m glad I stopped being so great at those unhealthy traits! I could not make that guy in grad school, my previous spouse, nor my next-door neighbor like me. Now I think it’s their loss.

Also good at overheating and doing that lip thing. Me doing both of those yesterday.

Let’s all try to get very good at cutting our losses and moving on from relationships and situations that aren’t good for our self esteem. I’m quite good at these proclamations. Hear ye, hear ye!

I Fall (ouch) but Get Rewarded

I fell really well, I hear. Oddly, I feel more confident about Drew after getting bucked off in my first attempt at cantering than I did earlier today. Who’d have guessed?

But look how cute he is with his graying mane and tousled effect (he had just stumbled hard).

Since my last lesson with Drew, I’d been really cautious with him. I admit I mainly took him out and exercised him, avoiding grooming, because I was having trouble keeping him from trying to bite or kick me, even with a riding crop to make my bubble larger. I needed help.

What don’t I need help with? Befriending bunnies. These young cottontails no longer pay me any notice.

But I had an ego boost today that buoyed me up. I felt irrationally good about myself because at the conference sponsored by my previous employer I was called out for an award as someone who is helpful to their users. This was given by the director of the group that tried so hard to get me to leave, and I was nominated by former colleagues. That felt good, because Dell can’t give contractors awards or bonuses. I’m happy that the hard work I do is noticed!

I’m as cheerful as the color of this Gulf fritillary.

So, I was more confident when I went to get Drew for his lesson. He was so good, coming up to me to be haltered and being friendly as heck until I tried to groom him. He even bit my riding crop in two. But I got it done. That pleased me.

When we got to Tarrin’s he was sweet as pie and let me get all the little burs out of his mane. I felt better already. I just had to figure out the grooming thing.

Oh it’s figured out now. Tarrin gave me the Tough Love speech about how I had to stop moving away from him and rewarding his behavior or I’d have to sell Droodles. I felt really bad about being scared after being kicked but it’s a human reaction. I just had to get past it.

After that unpleasantness, she showed me a great technique for encouraging him to keep his teeth and hooves to himself. I managed to finish grooming and even get his mane and tail done. He is not fond of the bamboo stick I was semi-competently wielding to bop him. He was quite the gentleman thereafter. He even took the bit politely!

In fact, other than one stumble while we were nicely trotting, he was perfect during the lesson. I think we both were having fun together. He was doing so well that Tarrin thought we might be able to try a canter (have I mentioned before that I’d never cantered on a horse? Never got that far in lessons with Apache because he has canter “issues” having nothing to do with my skill set).

Just some nettle leaf noseburn to break up the tension.

She set it up so that she had him on the lead rope and I was in the saddle holding the reins in one hand and the saddle in the other. It all went fine. He started to canter but something happened that made him buck me right off. We were all surprised.

There was NO WAY I was going to fall in such a way that my cesarean scar would get re-injured like it did on my old hybrid saddle with Apache. So I went off to the correct side to not be trampled and somehow successfully rolled like I was doing judo or whatever. It went butt, back, head in such a way that I’m only bruised and have a headache.

THIS is why you wear a helmet when riding a horse. It protected me. In fact, I was wearing the helmet I had to buy after Apache bucked me off (which led to me starting lessons with Tarrin.)

Apparently after I landed and had the wind knocked out of me, I said, “I think I’m dead.” Tarrin, being pretty smart, figured out if I was talking I was alive. She and Drew came to see if I was all right. He was quite concerned that I was on the ground, as horses tend to be.

Once I was up, Tarrin got on Drew to firmly remind him how to behave in canter.

After a little squabbling, he was fine. We went back and practiced grooming his sweaty little self. Lee came up and Tarrin said I got an A+ and Drew got an F. That’s a great reward! She is not pleased that this little hiccup occurred, because she considers it her job to keep her students safe. But I think, in the end, everything worked out fine.

He settled down. Yes I took pictures. I was a little nauseated but sitting down to recover.

Honestly, I’m proud of myself for how I handled the events of the lesson. Getting thrown from a horse was a concern for me, since older people don’t bounce as well as young ones. But I coped well and mainly feel sad to have caused Tarrin concern. I feel good about Drew, the best I have since he got hurt. We are on the road back to a good relationship.

My wrinkles and I are intent on telling you I’m fine. I have perky pajamas and strong drugs.

Tomorrow won’t be fun. I guess checking out my bruises will be interesting. My back is a bit tweaked so I’ll do stretches and hope I don’t need a chiropractor. But yes, I have appropriate medications, analgesics, and medical professionals to contact if I get any concussion symptoms. Honest. No need to post medical advice!

Maybe I’ll ride Apache tomorrow. Hee hee. He looked bummed that he didn’t get to go to lessons.

Yes, Laughter IS the Best Medicine

What makes you laugh?

My dad’s Readers’ Digest magazines always had lots of jokes, with some of the corniest ones in the column labeled “Laughter Is the Best Medicine.” My kid friends and I would go up in our treehouse, where dozens of old RD magazines were stored in an old trunk, and read each other the jokes until our cheeks hurt. Being a kid in the 60s was pretty great.

Now I read most of my jokes on Facebook, but rarely laugh out loud. What does get me going are the antics of the animals around our ranch. Chickens running because you might have food for them always elicit at least a smile.

And when the dogs start playing, Lee and I are thoroughly entertained. They run themselves ragged, with Carlton being fast, Penney being clever, and Goldie falling all over herself. Harvey watches and barks.

Then there’s stuff like this. She jumped up and immediately commenced to licking.

As for the horses, they can be just as awkward as Goldie and as graceful as Carlton. Mostly it’s Fiona who makes me laugh. Today she was begging to be petted, but Tarrin and I quickly realized she was covered in poop. We stuck to picking burs off her head and sides, which she loved so much we just had to giggle.

Today was more of a peaceful and pleasant day than anything else. I managed to get all my work done and still have time for a bakery treat with Anita. Then I spent enough time with horses that I ended up sunburned a little. It was worth it.

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood.

It was Tarrin’s monthly visit to the ranch for lessons. Since Drew is still at her house we worked some with Mabel. She’s really doing so well. You can barely tell her back is messed up, and she has nice muscles. She’s so friendly now, too. When I went to get Apache and called for the horses, she immediately galloped up. Dusty and Fiona trotted. Apache did come halfway…

Mabel let me brush a lot of mud off her before Tarrin arrived. Then I got to watch how Tarrin gained her trust by being patient and calm. Soon enough, Mabel volunteered to be haltered. Tarrin just approached and retreated and let Mabel sniff her hand as she shaped it just like a horse nose. I learned a lot.

By the end of the session I was brushing her mane out while Tarrin got all the burs off her forelock and mane. Mission accomplished with no stress on my lady horse!

Working with Apache also went very well. Tarrin kept telling me how much I’ve improved at things, and I have to admit she’s right. By gosh, I gave some groundwork and riding skills developing!

And Apache stayed pretty calm over by the house.

We practiced doing a variety of circles at a walk and trot in the round pen. He practiced calmly walking (much improvement) and I practiced using just one hand on the reins. I practiced with each hands, which is important to be able to do, according to Tarrin. It was fun practicing.

Learning

I’m impressed at how much calmer I am now while riding. Things no longer escalate like they used to, because I’m learning to nip things in the bud when Apache starts to go wonky. My calm helps his anxiety, too.

This is where Apache was thinking he’d gone far enough.

I also think he was pretty tired after a lot of cantering in the groundwork part of the lesson. I doubt he was up to frenzied uncontrollable trotting, so the whole lesson was quite civilized. I’m so grateful to Tarrin for her patience with us, and proud of myself for sticking with this horse through all our ups and downs.

If only I had on a cowboy hat, I’d feel so Texas.

It’s a lot easier to laugh when you are feeling good about yourself. Dang. I feel good about myself! Past me would be surprised.

I’m Not Sure Who I’m More Proud Of

Hard work and persistence can pay off, and Apache and I learned that today. It’s been challenging and hard, but the two of us have actually managed to learn some things. We can communicate, we can rely on each other, and we can have fun.

He had been standing sort of funny this morning, so I was worried about his feet.

We rocked today’s lesson after Tarrin worked on his shedding soles.

This is after over an hour of me working on his shedding hair. He’s so soft now.

Tarrin was giggling like a kid and telling everyone how happy she was to see Apache shedding sole on his feet. He’d never done that before he started his medication. And the feet are white, not yellow! She found evidence of some bruising, which could explain why he hasn’t been to keen on picking his feet up. Now he should feel really good!

He got his boots back on so he can heal.

Anyway, once the hoof business was complete, we did our lesson stuff. Somehow, in the past month I’ve learned to ask him for a nice, soft trot, and he’s gotten enough muscles to do it. A few weeks ago he could do two or three steps in a rounded trot. Now he can do circles, and circles within circles, and slaloms…wow. It was so unexpected and good that I laughed aloud and snorted in a most undignified manner.

Apache seemed pretty pleased, too. And I feel somewhat competent. I’m even looking forward to doing a little better in the upcoming show. At least I now know how to do a rounded trot! If we execute it, so much the better. It will just be good to have a little more of a clue as to what we’re supposed to do, with different trot and walk speeds, good turns, and subtle cues.

And hey, it’s spring. How do I know? This guy showed up.

My magnificent tail and I have returned!

I am always happy to see scissor tail flycatchers each spring. And the barn swallows have taken over the porch from the house sparrows. Go bug eaters!

Suna, turn off these lights. We’re trying to pair bond here!

Yes, today was glorious. All the butterflies are back, plus more favorite flowers. I’m ready to enjoy a few more days of pleasant weather!

Is Someone Bothering You? Look in the Mirror to Learn Why

A quick note.

First, center yourself by meditating on the whorling shape of this red-stemmed stork’s-bill.

Okay, now read on.

Today someone who knows very well how to get under my defenses said something that I took as a passive aggressive swipe at me, the kind that on the surface seems innocuous enough, but stings. I mentioned it to my spouse, who said maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe I was looking for a swipe.

I thought about it.

Then I remembered the time my neighbor cut me off for saying something mean to another neighbor that I hadn’t intended to be mean at all. I remembered the letter that our general contractor’s wife wrote to me about a set of issues she perceived in me (I’ve blotted them out of my mind). I remember the letter my ex-boyfriend wrote to tell me to stop writing him and bragging about buying a car and a house, etc. None of those things I intended the way they were interpreted. But their biases toward me were negative, so they interpreted my actions negatively.

Looking in the mirror of how people misunderstood me because they wanted to made me realize I might be doing the same. I’d learned this lesson before and have been tryingjj to interpret the person I’ve always known to be passive aggressive to me as if their intentions were good. I just fell into a decades-old pattern. I will now reset and do my best to go back to assuming good intentions, like I’ve always strived to.

Sometimes you just need a reminder to see that you’re falling off the path you want to follow. There are a couple of people in my life I’m going to work harder not to have a negative bias toward. That’s a resolution for the coming year that I can get behind.

How about you?

On that note, I’ll plod off into the sunset on my small but magnificent steed.

A Guest Blogger!

Neigh! It’s me, Apache Smoke Signal, Suna’s horse buddy, also known as Patchy. I’m taking a break from constant eating, my favorite hobby, to be your guest blogger. Suna is too tired to type.

I had to dictate this, because I can’t use a keyboard.

I want you all to know I’ve been eating my special treats with the nasty pink centers every day, and I think I feel a lot better. I jumped two jumps in a row today, to my surprise. I surprise easily.

I’ve been extra well behaved, too, not like that young punk Droodles who keeps pestering my little friend Fifi. Today he decided to gallop full speed into the pens, pester Fiona, then gallop back to our manna from Heaven that Suna calls a round hay bale, three times. I don’t know what gets into that boy.

He won’t even lower his head like a gentleman to get those pain balls Suna calls burs off his head. That’s probably what’s making him all goofy.

Suna says maybe next year my coat won’t be so thick in winter. I’ve been so sweaty.

I had fun this evening when I had my first night visit with the human who tells me what to do and gets all bossy when I get nerved out. She always makes me go fast and tells me I started on the wrong hoof. How do I know?

I tried to enjoy eating my delicious bag of hay while my pal Aragorn was running around with my previous rider friend Sara, but there is a horse baby who won’t shut up there now. He kept yelling that he wanted his mommy. She was just over by the handsome man horse, so I can’t figure out why this baby was so loud. It ruined my moment of peaceful eating with no other horses daring to try to share.

What Suna wanted me to tell you is that even after enduring her washing my mane (I was enjoying that dirt) I did things I didn’t know I could do! Even though it was dark with bright lights in my delicate eyes, I trotted less awkwardly than I used to at many speeds and could understand what Suna was asking! And I went around the barrels well enough to please the bossy human. I admit I don’t like that weird fast walk they keep making me do, but it’s getting easier.

I need to get back to chewing and dominating the other horses now. Suna will be back to talk about birds and plants tomorrow. How boring. Grass is the only interesting plant! And maybe alfalfa.