You may have heard that Goldie left this world today, about five months after her osteosarcoma ordeal began. The good news is that she didn’t really slow down until this week, and only got really bad today, not eating, having trouble standing, etc.
The three of us here at the ranch worked together to give Goldie a good last day. after many calls, the guys found a vet who would come here so she didn’t have to be hauled in and out of cars. I sat with her for the last hour before the vet arrived, with her head on my lap or in my arms. It was very peaceful and loving.
It was important to me that she have peace. I have had too many traumatic dog passings. I don’t want more if it can be helped. We knew this was coming, so we could prepare.
Describing what a special dog Goldie was is difficult. People say all Great Danes are sweet dogs. That may be so, but this one felt like a friend, a confidant, and a guardian all rolled into one.
She was a Mighty Huntress of skunks and armadillos, she was a goofy dinosaur head when she got excited, her tail was a danger to men of a certain height, and she looked at you with those golden eyes, so full of love…
Goldie through the years
The few years we had with Goldie weren’t enough. But that’s what she had for us. We will treasure our memories.
Goldie’s memorial bonfire, next to her very deep grave. Digging big holes is a good way to process grief.
I’m still feeling old and irrelevant, just like my cousin J. And I’m incredibly sad to be watching my sweet Great Dane, Goldie, swiftly declining. Cancer is just awful. It makes me hesitant to have another giant dog.
Just sunning herself.
And cancer is why I can’t tell you what my mother was doing at my age (pushing 67). She’d been dead four years, thanks to her nicotine addiction. I wish she’d had a less addictive personality. I know she loved us.
I was born, born in the 50s. I already look concerned.
When Dad was 66 I think he was at his happiest. If my memory is correct, he’d met my stepmother and was having fun hanging with friends, traveling, and working in his beloved flower gardens. What a contrast. Dad was great taking care of Mom. He deserved a time to have fun. (He married Flo, a woman just like quirky Mom only without addictions, so he had challenges later!) I loved my dad so much. What a great, flawed, very human human being he was.
It’s cold, very cold.
Things sure are different for me. My parents grew more prosperous and felt safer as they aged. Boomers like me had no idea what they’d be in for as they grew older. This is not the future I’d envisioned.
Harvey says he’s hanging in there.
Thanks to everyone who’s been reaching out. Knowing I have kind people in my life is a source of comfort.
Today Dr. Amy came by with Goldie and Harvey’s test results from her last visit. As we expected, Harvey still has liver cancer. He’s doing okay on his medicine.
I’ve lost weight but I’m still eating and barking.
We were saddened to learn that, as we suspected, the bumps on Goldie’s shoulder are more osteosarcoma. But it’s not all bad. The first thing Amy said after telling us the news was, “Look how happy she is.” Goldie was bounding around, thrilled to have a visit with her medical team and get those stitches out.
I’m still here. Full of love.
Yeah. She’s still happy, bouncy, and barky. She gets to live as long as she feels okay. We know what signs to look for. Until then, our dear girl gets to be loved on and treasured.
In other and happier news, Apache and I did well again today. I got him cantering around and Sara took a video. We look competent.
Even when Apache gets annoyed, we still work together. That’s what’s so rewarding. We are learning hard new stuff, and even though it’s a challenge, we’re in it together. I can’t believe he can canter under saddle, too! In the rain!
He did it. Not thrilled.
I also had a good conversation with Sara, since we did our lessons together. I appreciate her loyalty and understanding. I’m not easy to be friends with, and past me was worse! Growing and learning, we are!
See, I can do it.
It was a very long day, mentally and physically and spiritually. I think the hard things make the beautiful things more treasured.
Apache remembers his old stance when he’s irritated. So do I. I tense my neck just like that.
The Hermits’ Rest is smaller today. We sold half our property to the nice folks who’ve been leasing the land for hay and cattle. We also sold them our part of the rest of the ranch, which we’d partnered with Sara next door on.
We will still have the sunsets.
It had to happen, since Sara is moving to a beautiful farm is Wisconsin to engage in a regenerative agriculture project. We couldn’t afford to buy her out, and besides, now seems like a good time to liquidate assets. So much uncertainty.
This is helpful. Thanks, social media.
I can still do my iNaturalist stuff and ride on the land, as I may have mentioned before. They won’t cut down the woods, they said. It’s still hard to sell part of my home. You know how attached I get to land, even over-grazed former post-oak savanna. Yes, yes, I’m not good with change.
I’ll still enjoy this woods!
On the other hand, there will be no more owing anyone money. That will help me sleep at night. I can pay off my debts and easily live within my means. What a weight off my mind. The unexpected expenses of the last couple of years messed me up!
There have also been pet expenses. Good news: Goldie found a bed she can get in and out of.
So yeah, that was good news. Tomorrow we get the bad news about Goldie. Her biopsy results came in. But she’s still having fun and we will let her do it as long as we can.
Sigh. Goldie has new lumps around her right shoulder. Dr Amy removed one that wasn’t attached to anything, and got a sample of the others. We will get those results in a week or two.
We knew this was coming, but had hoped for more time with her. As it is, she’s acting cheerful and dealing with her many staples just fine. We just can’t let this wound get infected. At least it’s smaller.
Not thrilled to be demonstrating her latest wound.
She can’t catch a break. Her hair had just finished growing in from the last surgery. As long as she is living a good life, we’ll keep pampering her. Such a good girl; she deserves all the love we can give her.
Meanwhile Harvey got blood tests to check in his liver and it was determined all his lumps are lipomas, which aren’t too bothersome. He also had the classic swollen anal gland, everyone’s favorite dog malady. He was pretty sad when his anesthesia was wearing off, weaving and wobbling around, but soon was his regular self, with shorter toenails (yay).
The wound is smaller than it looks. It has salve on it.
I love the dogs so much, but I warn you to consider veterinary costs if you get giant dogs or have a lot of them. The team that works on the dogs are kind and competent, but not inexpensive. Having the mobile service IS really convenient, though.
Lee is Dog Man
At least the horses are currently ok, though huddling up in the cold appears to have led to some bickering. Apache is a real hoot vacuuming up his medication in the senior feed. Meds time is now his favorite time of day.
I don’t want my healthy food and supplements. I want Dusty’s gourmet senior feed with no molasses. I scoff at Apache. And I will eat his alfalfa, no problem. I just wander around chasing the donkey away from food. Everyone needs a hobby.
Next up? Figuring out if we still get to go camping or not. I’d feel a lot better if someone was home this weekend. of course, bad weather may make the decision for us! I hope it’s not too cold for the farrier tomorrow, too.
I’m glad there was an easy question to answer today, because I’m wiped out from travel and unexpected stuff. Yes, I like October. There are always horse shows, the Master Naturalist meeting, and pleasant camping trips. The weather is usually good, too.
Autumnal image from today.
I’ll write more tomorrow, but I’m glad to be home with my animals, all of whom lived. I cried to see Goldie bounding up to me like she used to. She obviously feels fine at least for now! she’s running and having fun!
Happy tripod!
Horses and Fiona are good, as are the chickens now that I got them more food. That cheered me up, which I needed. Mentally I’m a bit down. Too much news reading I guess.
Two topics tonight! First, I have one of those physical reactions to places associated with Arthurian legends. One of the places I got the “vibes” from like on the Sacred Springs was Avebury, in England, especially Silbury Hill. I guess it’s not surprising, since it’s one of those places with “ley lines” (which you can believe or not).
AI representation I asked for.
I’ve read enough about King Arthur and those times to know that we have little idea what the people then were up to, if they were real. But it’s attached to my ancestry, so I find it interesting. Really, the ancient Celts seem like a bunch of angry people who liked to fight, and English history after 1066 didn’t make English folks seem more sympathetic, at least the ruling class. But I’m thinking whatever my ancestry is, there were a bunch of pagan misfits, like me today.
Hail and farewell, Suna, says AI Arthur
Anyway, the blog prompters asked, and this was my answer. It may not even be historical.
As for Queen Goldie, last night she triumphantly mounted the stairs and came up to sleep with me.
It’s hard to sleep wedged up against her with Carlton at my feet, but I appreciated the opportunity.
That was a surprise. Being a dog, she hadn’t thought about what goes up having to come down, so her descent was a bit scary. But she was all right. We ordered some stair tread carpet to keep her from slipping if she tries again.
Looking a bit dazed after her descent.
Dr. Amy said she wanted to see Goldie again today after reading about her adventures. We got her in the car, and Lee took her to the mobile clinic. Goldie got more IV fluids and an antibiotic shot. She still has an infection going on, though Amy said she is obviously much improved.
Giving blood is exhausting.
One thing’s for sure, Goldie is eating again, which we take as a very good sign. I’m hoping she keeps up the improvement. She has a whole family team looking after her!
And Samhain blessings to all you folks who keep up the old traditions.
I haven’t been talking much about Goldie’s health in the last couple of weeks because she really hadn’t been doing very well (if you missed it, we had to have her left front leg amputated due to an aggressive osteosarcoma; she is only three years old). Shortly after getting her stitches removed, the area under the incision started swelling. Then one day, when she seemed better, she tried to run after cows, and that wasn’t good. She must have hurt herself, and she whined a lot and barely got up off the couch for many days. She stopped eating and looked so sad.
No photo of sad Goldie. Here’s the sunrise.
Lee and I both wondered if we had made the right decision to try to keep her alive and enjoy her for some more time. We didn’t like to see her looking defeated and in pain.
View down the road
Lee took her back to the local veterinarian, Dr. Amy last Thursday, while I was in San Marcos. They ran some tests and looked her over. The consensus is that she did something that caused internal bleeding, but that it was clearing up on its own. The pain was from an infection (I’m not sure where), so she got antibiotics. And the reason she wasn’t getting around much was that her front leg hurt. Amy theorized that it had probably started before the surgery when she started relying so heavily on her good leg. What a mess!
I’m a mess.
So I spent the weekend enjoying plants and birds and such, but worried that I’d get a sad call from Lee.
Don’t worry!
Luckily, that is not the case. Goldie has been gradually improving since she started antibiotics. The swelling has gone down greatly, she is alert, she eats, and by gosh, today she acted pretty much like her pre-illness self. She came out of the house multiple times and walked around, sniffing and doing dog-like things. She walked up and asked me to pet her many times while I was working on the porch.
I’m doing a dog-like thing!
When I came home from a quick trip to the drug store, lo and behold, ALL the dogs were at the gate to greet me, even a smiling Goldie. That inspired a smiling Suna. This evening after work, I decided to go outside and asked if she wanted to go. Boom, she was up, and beat me to the door! When I was looking at birds (too windy to hear any!) and realized she was following me around, like normal.
Normal Goldie behavior
She had been very slowly hobbling around outside, and mainly doing her dog business and lying in the sun a bit. Today her pace was normal. She even went up and down the steps, which she’d been avoiding. It has been a good day for Goldie. I’m hoping they continue. I even can tell her hair is growing back in. Let’s hope for more good days, weeks, and maybe months for our intrepid Golden Girl.
Loving and lickingPenney photobombed us. Back in her domainBuddiesI love the grass!Not too swollenJust looking great. Sniffing the wind with his eyes shutThe wind is my friend I pose a lot I’m hanging in thereI still love foodHappy Dogs
Goldie was a fine animal and went with Lee to get her stitches out so willingly. I wouldn’t fault her if she didn’t want to get in the car after all those vet visits. But she was happy to get in the car and to go into Dr Amy’s mobile clinic.
Wearing her harness, put on correctly.
I bet it feels better to have the itchy stitches out. I’m hoping the pain is less and less and she can soon be off drugs. She’s getting around pretty well, but does tire easily. She’s building up muscles!
She also got medication for the place she keeps licking on her only front leg.
We are proud of her. She’s totally worth the expense. Now we will just enjoy her as long as we can. Same with Harvey. He can’t really walk in a straight line, but he’s moving at a good clip!
That vet visit made me thirsty.
I’m feeling a bit lonely and a bit of a mess. But, it will pass.
I’m a small being on a big planet. And here’s the truth. We’re all alone, really.
Driving home from the state park was a depressing reminder of how divided our country is today. Sometimes being a sensitive person makes me too vulnerable to attack ads, negativity, and the spread of misinformation. And when people I care about are sharing the worst misinformation, it’s too much.*
Cheerful Cardinal dude.
So I was thinking that I can’t control what’s on television and other media, but there are things in my sphere that I can control. So I’m taking a vacation from my Facebook feed. I’ll miss some good news and other personal developments that happen, but I’ll get less agitated.
Maybe honey locust leaves are like gummies for birds. He seemed really mellow. Maybe I need gummies. No! Drugs/herbs are not the solution, ha ha.
I have other ways to keep in touch! I’m sharing the blog posts on my ranch Facebook page, and dog and horse updates on their pages. And people can comment on the blog or email me. Just ask.
They need more than 197 followers. Of course, I haven’t been posting there since I got so busy.
But, I’m not an influencer. I may be an asocial media influencer at that. It will not be a big deal to go away for a while. I just finally hit the point where the benefits of connection no longer outweigh the negativity and hostility from people who mean well.
Fiona agrees that she’s pretty dull, especially when no one posts on her page. I’m guilty.
Other news? Goldie’s biopsy report finally came in. Indeed she had or has osteosarcoma. The best news is that it’s not a highly aggressive or in a one. I guess it’s the least bad kind of a bad thing.
Supervising her domain.
She started licking and messing with her leg where her old hotspot and IV were. So we covered it last night. The vet I talked to today said it needs to able to breathe, so it’s off now and I replaced it with a sock. It’s one that was really tight on me, but is probably too big. We will keep trying.
We have another shirt on her, too. She can lick her incision. Ugh.
I’m okay! I just don’t want to be hammered with partisan politics, name calling, and intimidation for a while. Self care rules, y’all.
Cindy and Cathy take care of each other and rarely argue. Well, as far as I can tell.
Oh yeah: take care of yourselves, Florida friends!
*some great friends I disagree with are sharing factual information that makes me think. I appreciate those perspectives.
The Hermits' Rest 