dogs – Page 5 – The Hermits' Rest

Farewell to Our Dear Friend

You may have heard that Goldie left this world today, about five months after her osteosarcoma ordeal began. The good news is that she didn’t really slow down until this week, and only got really bad today, not eating, having trouble standing, etc.

The three of us here at the ranch worked together to give Goldie a good last day. after many calls, the guys found a vet who would come here so she didn’t have to be hauled in and out of cars. I sat with her for the last hour before the vet arrived, with her head on my lap or in my arms. It was very peaceful and loving.

It was important to me that she have peace. I have had too many traumatic dog passings. I don’t want more if it can be helped. We knew this was coming, so we could prepare.

Describing what a special dog Goldie was is difficult. People say all Great Danes are sweet dogs. That may be so, but this one felt like a friend, a confidant, and a guardian all rolled into one.

She was a Mighty Huntress of skunks and armadillos, she was a goofy dinosaur head when she got excited, her tail was a danger to men of a certain height, and she looked at you with those golden eyes, so full of love…

The few years we had with Goldie weren’t enough. But that’s what she had for us. We will treasure our memories.

Goldie’s memorial bonfire, next to her very deep grave. Digging big holes is a good way to process grief.

Old, Parents, Worries

What were your parents doing at your age?

I’m still feeling old and irrelevant, just like my cousin J. And I’m incredibly sad to be watching my sweet Great Dane, Goldie, swiftly declining. Cancer is just awful. It makes me hesitant to have another giant dog.

And cancer is why I can’t tell you what my mother was doing at my age (pushing 67). She’d been dead four years, thanks to her nicotine addiction. I wish she’d had a less addictive personality. I know she loved us.

I was born, born in the 50s. I already look concerned.

When Dad was 66 I think he was at his happiest. If my memory is correct, he’d met my stepmother and was having fun hanging with friends, traveling, and working in his beloved flower gardens. What a contrast. Dad was great taking care of Mom. He deserved a time to have fun. (He married Flo, a woman just like quirky Mom only without addictions, so he had challenges later!) I loved my dad so much. What a great, flawed, very human human being he was.

Things sure are different for me. My parents grew more prosperous and felt safer as they aged. Boomers like me had no idea what they’d be in for as they grew older. This is not the future I’d envisioned.

Thanks to everyone who’s been reaching out. Knowing I have kind people in my life is a source of comfort.

February 11 Status

Update on today:

It rained all day. I hope it was enough.
I finished the 2024 temperature blanket. The borders helped.
I feel irrelevant in today’s world. Not much to contribute. Fading away.
Goldie had seizures. Lee wants to see if she can make another week.
Lots of sickness among my friends, as well as losses of beloved dogs and cats. They mean so much to us.

There are hundreds of Grackles in these trees.

It’s just one of those times. I’ll keep breathing and accepting that life has its ups and downs.

Blanket with borders. January 2024 at left, December at right.

Time for Quiet

It’s one of those days when there is a lot to process. I’m not sure that I’m ready to say anything yet, other than I’m feeling really irrelevant due to my age, ethnicity, gender, and views. It’s probably good that I figured that out before I did or said something I shouldn’t. I need to keep processing for a bit.

I’m the big egret in a world of coots and ducks.

We did make it home. The animals are quite pleased. The people seemed to be, too. I’ll talk to y’all, one-sidedly, tomorrow. I’ll be quiet now.

Our two sickly dogs mostly bark from the couch now. Neither is doing very well.

An Ideal Suna Day

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

I wasn’t going to write again today, but the prompt cheered me up. I enjoyed pretending I could have an ideal day again. I could do this day if I had enough money to maintain this lavish lifestyle. It’s not really lavish, just maintaining what we have now, which I doubt will happen. Wait I was cheered up there for a minute. Hold on.

There is a new day, every day, until there isn’t

So, I would wake up around 7:30, meditate, and do morning journaling over coffee, preferably on the porch. Of course I’d feed my many happy chickens. Next I’d walk all over the property looking for interesting plants and birds. I’d get at least 50 birds on Merlin (which I did yesterday!).

I’d come in and check email and, it being my ideal day, I would not read my usual news. Lunch time would roll around and I would go to town and eat with one or more of my friends, maybe at somewhere not Mexican for a change. We would say kind things to each other and laugh at funny stories.

This looks remarkably like today’s tacos but is from Pexels

Heading home, I’d spend quality time with the horses, not just Apache. I’d groom and exercise one of the others, feed them all, then ride Apache and practice our skills. We would take a little walk around, just for fun and he’d be fine with that.

After the horses, I’d go swimming or hang around on the patio chatting with Lee and any other present family members, followed by a dinner that I didn’t cook. Maybe it would just be cheese and crackers if lunch was big enough. We would watch a movie or television show that was funny or educational. I would knit or crochet through that part.

Yes, I’d add some fruit. Probably not wine, since I’m drinking less.

I’d go upstairs, get ready for bed, then blog and/or read. Carlton would hop up and join me in snoozing.

Ah, that sounds good! My ideal day is peaceful and calm. It’s relatively stress free (only fun stress allowed).

I did many of the things in the ideal day today, but I also worked and stressed over world events. Sigh. I’m spending much time these days just watching, observing, and trying to understand what’s happening. I’m trying to listen more than I speak. And I’m trying to be useful.

Yes, my ideal day is at home. I probably also have an ideal travel day!

Welcome Light

Tomorrow is Imbolc, a celebration that light is starting to appear from darkest winter (among other things). Nature brought the light a little early, and provided us with a rare cool, sunny day. It was mighty pleasant.

I enjoyed a break from my very busy week by sitting outside after work, reflecting on how much I value my connections and wish I could cultivate them more.

I’m too busy sitting with birds, I guess.

At least I talked to my friend Donna yesterday, and she reminded me that the Purple Martins start to return this time of year. I also saw the bluebonnets getting bigger today, and I was happy, even though the speaker at last night’s Master Naturalist class informed us they are not native here, just in the granite areas of the hill country. Poo.

Lee was practicing with his camera so you can see what I look like when listening to and watching birds.

I know spring is coming, with turkey eggs every other day, calendar changes, getting my first new temperature blanket module done (tomorrow), and a new theme color for my journal and nail polishes. Stereotypical, it’s true, but February is all pink. I might even have pink in my hair. Ooooh.

Don’t dye me pink, Suna. My nose is pink enough.

Raising a Complaint?

What do you complain about the most?

I try not to complain, but I do it. Someone who has to live with me might have a different answer, but my assertion is that I complain most about the dogs barking and running outside at the slightest noise when I’m trying to watch television. It is so loud. At least now that we stream, it’s possible to pause.

When not barking all night, Goldie is cute.

Okay, I asked Lee and he said I complain most about the new occupant of the White House. He claims he complains most about the same guy I complain about, and also the death of customer service. I like that answer.

What I can’t complain about is Connie Gobbler. She’s all grown up now, I guess, because she laid her first egg today! And it does look like it has the measles!

Of course I sent a picture to Heather, who gave her to me, and to her namesake, Connie. The egg is no bigger than Cindy-Cathy’s eggs, but future eggs should be bigger.

I’m not complaining about the weather, either. We got an inch of rain, and I can tell the ponds are more full. We still need more, though.

No Surprises, Still a Bit Sad

Today Dr. Amy came by with Goldie and Harvey’s test results from her last visit. As we expected, Harvey still has liver cancer. He’s doing okay on his medicine.

I’ve lost weight but I’m still eating and barking.

We were saddened to learn that, as we suspected, the bumps on Goldie’s shoulder are more osteosarcoma. But it’s not all bad. The first thing Amy said after telling us the news was, “Look how happy she is.” Goldie was bounding around, thrilled to have a visit with her medical team and get those stitches out.

Yeah. She’s still happy, bouncy, and barky. She gets to live as long as she feels okay. We know what signs to look for. Until then, our dear girl gets to be loved on and treasured.

In other and happier news, Apache and I did well again today. I got him cantering around and Sara took a video. We look competent.

Even when Apache gets annoyed, we still work together. That’s what’s so rewarding. We are learning hard new stuff, and even though it’s a challenge, we’re in it together. I can’t believe he can canter under saddle, too! In the rain!

He did it. Not thrilled.

I also had a good conversation with Sara, since we did our lessons together. I appreciate her loyalty and understanding. I’m not easy to be friends with, and past me was worse! Growing and learning, we are!

It was a very long day, mentally and physically and spiritually. I think the hard things make the beautiful things more treasured.

Apache remembers his old stance when he’s irritated. So do I. I tense my neck just like that.

I Guess It’s Good News

The Hermits’ Rest is smaller today. We sold half our property to the nice folks who’ve been leasing the land for hay and cattle. We also sold them our part of the rest of the ranch, which we’d partnered with Sara next door on.

It had to happen, since Sara is moving to a beautiful farm is Wisconsin to engage in a regenerative agriculture project. We couldn’t afford to buy her out, and besides, now seems like a good time to liquidate assets. So much uncertainty.

I can still do my iNaturalist stuff and ride on the land, as I may have mentioned before. They won’t cut down the woods, they said. It’s still hard to sell part of my home. You know how attached I get to land, even over-grazed former post-oak savanna. Yes, yes, I’m not good with change.

On the other hand, there will be no more owing anyone money. That will help me sleep at night. I can pay off my debts and easily live within my means. What a weight off my mind. The unexpected expenses of the last couple of years messed me up!

There have also been pet expenses. Good news: Goldie found a bed she can get in and out of.

So yeah, that was good news. Tomorrow we get the bad news about Goldie. Her biopsy results came in. But she’s still having fun and we will let her do it as long as we can.

Don’t Feel Like It

I just don’t feel like writing. I think that’s okay, because judging from my stats, no one feels like reading chatty blogs about nature and pets, either. Our thoughts are elsewhere. We’re concerned and distracted.

I think Carlton knows I’m not at my best. He’s really attached these days. Here he’s “helping” me check the rain gauge.

So, I wish you peace and safety. I’ll be back after the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.