I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. I care about people on all sides of the national and international strife right now, and my love for them trumps any cause.
For anyone under armed attack, I wish you safety.
For anyone protesting, I wish you safety and peace.
For those instructed to control others, I wish you safety and good judgment.
For the powerless and afraid, I wish you safety and protection.
May we find a path to a world of reason, communication, compassion, and peace.
I just don’t feel like writing. I think that’s okay, because judging from my stats, no one feels like reading chatty blogs about nature and pets, either. Our thoughts are elsewhere. We’re concerned and distracted.
I think Carlton knows I’m not at my best. He’s really attached these days. Here he’s “helping” me check the rain gauge.
So, I wish you peace and safety. I’ll be back after the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.
It’s my plan to take things day by day for the next month or so, while Goldie heals and annoying political ads get more absurd. Today was different from yesterday, as days tend to be. I did my best to embrace the changes and challenges. It seemed to be the best option.
Hooray, a Common Mestra posed for me.
I’m glad I didn’t have the overwhelming anxiety of yesterday. I felt more centered, or so I thought until it became clear that my mode today was jitters. I managed to drop things, burn myself, allow myself to be bitten by Apache (my fault, not his), trip on random weeds, and even dribble my coffee.
I’d like to fly away, but that’s not the mature choice.
I was also more impatient than usual. Things I usually let go of easily, like being corrected or contradicted repeatedly, were bugging me. I can’t live my life at home if I start noticing and reacting to other people’s quirks that aren’t going to change. If I expect for my quirks to be accepted, I need to return the favor, right?
Quirks like toting this giant thing everywhere I go.
If I were to wager, which I don’t do, I’d bet that most people in partnerships occasionally want to get a break from certain habits or situations in their home, whether it’s leaving the toilet seat up or not putting tools back where they belong (partially made-up examples). That’s why I think my little trips are good for me. It gives the family a break.
Another of my quirks. Doing my nails in weird ways. Oh, and saying I’m sorry all the time. I’ll end the list here.
Anyway, I assume I’ll be better tomorrow and head towards a more pleasant attitude. I did make a nice dinner, so I wasn’t totally grumped out.
Sure, we’re both pleasingly plump, but you could have shared that food! Oh, shrimp? Never mind.
As for Goldie, the reason for my jitters, she is okay, though she seems to be in more discomfort. That huge incision has to hurt as it heals. It looks good, though, not infected or leaking.
Not gonna display the incision. It’s a foot long, at least.
She changed her shirt (the other one was cut off her, so no repeat shirts). I found a white one for her to wear to keep the incision area clean and keep other dogs from licking it. None of them have tried, though.
I have birds on!
She’s eating well and doing her doggie business successfully. We humans spend lots of time with her, which I hope helps. The other dogs are respectful, thankfully.
Carlton is just glad he gets to sleep upstairs with us.
My hope is that day by day she and I both feel better. Every day I’ll feel more confident in her healing, too.
It’s just so hard to think about my two sick dogs. You know when you get one that you’ll probably outlive them, but it’s not easy to watch them suffer. Our animal companions really fill our hearts.
So mine is hurting for Harvey, like I said yesterday. He’s a little worse each day. I don’t even know what to do.
Goldie is also doing worse, so we went and got X-rays for her in College Station. She was very good in the car, but I think getting in and out wasn’t good for her leg. She’s limping way more. But we had to get her there somehow.
She was all comfy. I’m sorry for not having a giant dog seatbelt. We don’t drive our dogs anywhere normally.
The veterinarian and staff were very nice, too. They were kind to Goldie when getting her X-rays and gave me lots of scary reading material on osteosarcoma in giant dogs. It makes me wonder why anyone breeds giant dogs, knowing how often this happens. Well, we didn’t breed her.
Being brave
The good news is the tumor isn’t all in the bone, just around it. And her lungs weren’t full of upset lymph nodes. Maybe we can help her?
Strangely named facility. But they had X-rays.
So we have yet another expensive trip to an even more distant specialty practice on Friday. Not we, just me, because Lee will not get up early to go to a 9 am appointment. Wow, it’s a good thing he works for himself. Sometimes you have to do things on someone else’s schedule.
Goldie appreciates my sacrifice, or would if she had any clue what that was.
I’m just upset so forgive my grumpy talk. This final visit will help me come up with a plan, as I should be able to talk to both an oncologist and surgeon. I hope I make good decisions that the rest of the family will be comfortable with.
Look, something pretty!
I did find a couple of things to enjoy outdoors, watched lots of birds, and laughed at some episodes of Only Murders in the Building. I’m so glad we have streaming now, though I’m perturbed that no one has come to fix our satellite dish.
Mabel and Apache say they are more entertaining than television.
Least of my worries. Tomorrow there’s a mysterious new boss meeting, too. I guess we will know what team we will get stuck under in the reorganization aftermath. Or…
Lee and I are laughing now, as we got all excited that tomorrow will be warmer. Of course, I’m perfectly warm with a dog and heating pad.
Carlton is never far from my lap.
It’s going to snow and sleet but not get so cold tonight and we’re ridiculously chipper about it. Maybe the heat can get it above 60 in the house!
Tomorrow looks sooo warm, right?
I admit to being a bit scared, which is why I keep writing. I feel like it’s a test, and we’re all doing okay on it, but not enjoying it. Now it’s all the water getting cut off. It just seems like the planners didn’t plan for this stuff very well, even though we know weather extremes are on the way. Sheesh.
At least Lee managed to get a few supplies today, most important of those being chocolate. I’ll be fine as I worry about friends and family, with a little chocolate!
Uh, I got plain Hershey’s.
Hoping my Austin friends keep calm and stay safe. I’ve already heard about enough frozen and burst pipes, fires, carbon monoxide stuff…eek. Well, I’m concerned about all of you and sending warm thoughts.
It’s gonna get better and, we will have learned lots and have many stories to tell!
Yesterday I was talking to my therapist (a thing I do, because I think it’s good for you). I started describing all the things that are making this a rather stressful time. I went on and on. I ended up with quite a hefty list of things that combine to make me, perhaps, not at my best right now. For example, these are so of the things running through my mind.
Suna’s Bulleted List of Concerns
My job changes
The new company
Family health issues
The pandemic
Presidential election
My kids’ issues
Wildfires
Hurricanes
Police killings of Black people
Isolation
Mean people
Etc.
Well, yeah, probably just a couple of those would be enough for one period of time. My neck tingling started up just by typing that. How shall I cope?
Just like the Pope Residence has endured many changes and challenges, so must we.
I don’t think it’s healthy to ignore the things that are challenging us or threatening people we care about; I have noticed that things you try to bury eventually emerge to bit you in the butt. I want to be able to acknowledge them, then set aside the things I can’t do anything about (viruses, fires, rain). Worrying won’t change these natural phenomena I can do little to affect.
That leaves me with the things I do need to deal with. I’ll just minimize contact with mean people, keep in better touch with the kid who talks to me, donate to elections, work hard to figure my job out without letting it consume me, be there for my family, and cheer on the new business without getting in the way.
See, I even have reminders to be full of gratitude for what doesn’t suck, right outside my office door.
As for police killings of Black people, I am continuing my own education about racism by reading Caste, by Isabel Wilkerson with a group. They are reading one chapter a day, so it will take a while, but they are serious and ask lots of questions. It would have been interesting to read How to Be an Antiracist that way. And as for concrete actions, I’ve volunteered to be on the diversity committee at work, though I have to say I also plan to work on supporting elders like myself and my LGBTQ friends.
Just by examining how I am dealing with the challenges the world is presenting I feel better and more like I am handling these hard times as well as any other imperfect human could.
The Rewarding Part
And, for my friends and followers who prefer to focus only on what is good in life and what they are grateful for, I will happily acknowledge that I DO stop and smile at the good things that surround me.
Simulation of what I saw. Image by @ashleytaylor1987 via Twenty20.
I wish I could have captured the moment visually, but this morning, as I stepped out of the house to go to my car, the sun had just risen, and was casting a golden glow (smoke particles, no doubt). The grass was heavy with dew, so heavy that the blades were all bending down from the weight of drops of water. Each water droplet looked like it was made of gold, thanks to the sun. I walked to the car in a glistening, gold and green carpet. Yeah, my feet got wet, but it was worth it!
What have you encountered on this day the Earth has brought us? Are you safe or in a storm? What comforts you as you deal with your own bulleted list of concerns?
The Hermits' Rest 