change – The Hermits' Rest

Focusing on the Good, Poultry Edition

I’ll put it right out there: today wasn’t the best day ever at work. Stuff happens. You deal with it and move on. I’ll do that, too!

But things were much more cheerful outside. The sun shone, the weather was pleasantly cool, and Connie got a new boyfriend (I hope). This year, my friend Heather brought us a strapping young tom, who seems as nice as Connie, as far as I can tell. I think today was a bit much for him, so his true personality has not emerged.

Call me Darryl Junior. That’s because I had a brother named Darryl, but Suna insisted on changing my name.

He’s taller than Connie, but not as broad-breasted. I hope he doesn’t get too huge for the door to the coop.

He’s all red because he’s a bit agitated.

Poor Heather was supposed to get here in plenty of time before my first meeting of the day, but she got stuck on a two-lane county road behind four immense wide loads. We still got a little bonding time in.

We enjoyed watching the turkeys inspect each other. There was no violence, just one flappy incident that I got on video.

I love how Connie comes over to check in with me when the flapping is over.

I’m glad they have lots of space to peck around and find treasure. This was Darryl’s first experience with grass, so it took him a while to get to exploring. It also took the chickens a while to check him out. Clint had the Cochins all protected in the small coop for quite a while.

I’m still beautiful. By the way those black things on my chest are called a beard. Who knew?

While all this was going on, the horses were also experiencing change. Horses are not fond of change.

Apache on Alert. Drew right up where the work is happening, trying to “help.”

Work has started on making the pasture fencing permanent. The first step was making and installing braces. This involves cutting large pieces of pipe and welding them together. That’s the auger digging holes in the above picture.

It’s going to be a good, strong fence when they’re done, with a pipe top rail. I think the horse pens will also get upgraded during this project. Huzzah.

See, the chickens eventually came out to play.

I think all the noise had the horses on edge, too. My ride on Apache this afternoon didn’t go well. He was a bit over-enthusiastic in his groundwork. And when I got on him, intending to calmly focus on straightness, I instead got to deal with a parade of anxious Apache behaviors, like throwing his head down to eat, veering away from where I asked him to go…blah blah blah. So, after doing some circles, I got off and did a bunch of walking, stopping, and backing up on the ground. That calmed him down enough to untack in a happier manner.

I also didn’t enjoy you picking all that mud out of my mane.

When I went out this evening to check on the fowl, I discovered Connie and Darryl outside, huddled together against the fence. I guess Darryl didn’t figure out how to go inside, or Connie invited him to stay out (I suspect she stayed out last night). I went and got a large box and put an old soft cloth in it. Hopefully they will go in there and be a bit warmer. Maybe I need to ask a relative to build them a portable shelter.

Ah well, all the animals will settle in, despite the changes going on.

Horses Coming and Going and More

Whew! I’m glad to be in my spacious, bland hotel suite and resting up for a bit, because it’s been quite a day of coming and going. It started early when I blasted through tons of errands and things on the to-do list so that I could focus on the horses for most of the day.

I guess I could have concentrated on caterpillars. This grows up to be the pretty salt marsh moth. *Estigmene acrea*

The horses had no idea what they were in for, though to be honest, they never do, except they know food shows up when I pen them up. I had a terrible time getting them to come in to eat. That all ended when the familiar rumble of Sara’s trailer coming up the driveway. They know that means someone is coming or going.

I ran around and arranged the gates so that the paddock with rocks in it is separate from the rest of the pasture. That way, our surprise arrival will have her own space.

Well, VERY long-time blog readers may remember this red-and-white mare. It’s Spice! Spice showed up a decade ago when Sara realized Apache had so many foot issues that she couldn’t do what she wanted to as a rider. Spice had more of a spicy red mare temperament and love of movement. So, Sara started working with Spice and I inherited Apache to groom and love on (and ride when he felt good). When Fiona showed up, we had quite the riding group.

Eventually Spice started having pain issues, which is when Aragon showed up with his fancy moves. He was quite a few levels up from Apache and Spice! Thus, Spice retired to hang out with the other horses for the past few years.

See? From Sara’s memories. Past Spice and Apache in his standard high-headed stance.

Apache has always loved Spice. He looked longingly at her sometimes after he moved to our pasture. So when Sara planned her move to Wisconsin, knowing her older and arthritic mare couldn’t come, I offered to take care of her for her remaining years. Happy to help out my old friends!

Fiona and Dusty haven’t reacted much to Spice.

We will try to keep Spice separated for a few days so the herd can get used to her.

But wait, there’s more. While Spice was coming in, I got Drew all dressed up to go on a date. I think he knew it was important, because he was a perfect gentleman as I groomed him. I even got burs out of his perfect hooves. That cracked me up.

It was my turn to drive a horse in a trailer, as I took Drew over to Tarrin’s. He met a woman who needs a second horse without some of the issues of her other one. They got along great, too. So, there’s a chance Drew may have a more appropriate place to live with someone who can keep him working and sound. I’ve felt sad that I’m unable to do what he needs to feel good.

Because as you can see, he’s a cutie pie. And I want him to have his needs met.

Anyway, Drew was on his best behavior and made a good impression. We will see if anything comes of it, but I was proud of him no matter what. The idea of rehoming him has taken a lot of thought. I wouldn’t do it with anyone Tarrin didn’t recommend. And I felt good having her share about Drew honestly.

A funny thing happened as we were talking in Tarrin’s parking area/pasture. Drew found something interesting on the ground and started sniffing it. Then he curled his lip in a spectacular Flehmen response.

He kept sniffing and curling for a long time.

He finally settled down. Tarrin thinks a wild animal must have peed on the ground, which no doubt smelled extra intriguing!

When we got home, Drew immediately checked out Spice, very politely. However, Apache was having none of that. He inserted himself between Spice and Drew. When Drew tried again, Apache was very firm. We will have to see how this additional feminine energy will affect things. Luckily, Mabel and Spice seem fine together. I hope I won’t have to separate the boys and girls!

The weird thing is I was supposed to leave for Hilton Head today. I moved it to tomorrow so the horse stuff can happen. So, as soon as I got everything settled, Lee and I took off for the Austin airport. I leave in the morning.

Yeah, we got the upgrade for no good reason. It’s pleasant, and I got to eat at the restaurant at the airport Hilton, which I always like, even though the menu was different. I had celery root/asparagus soup and zucchini noodles with rainbow broccoli and delicious mushrooms. No photo of the food, but here’s a sparrow that got into the hotel.

Sorry this was so long. It was an emotional day.

Sometimes You Gotta Do What You Don’t Wanna Do

That’s the truth! It’s a lesson that’s been kicking at me for the past six months or so. I really didn’t want to stop working. I really didn’t want to give up the fun I always had buying clothing, shoes, and decorations for my space. I didn’t want to give up on people who’d been important to me in the past or ideals I felt it important to uphold at great cost.

I don’t think I have to always have a bur-free donkey, but Fiona sure looks better. And she is finally shedding!

But I’ve done it. I realized what I thought was right for me actually wasn’t. The transition can be painful. I’ve had a pretty crappy few months, though I’ve tried to share the good stuff here. But I think I’m okay now.

When worst comes to worst, I can just share flowers. Silverleaf nightshade *Solanum elaeagnifolium*

I’m back to coping with an amount of stress I can handle for the most part, which is the only way to get through the huge transition our society is going through with dignity and grace. I’m grateful for friends and mentors who’ve helped out. We all need community support. Having my online friends, my lunch buddies, and my husband and son remind me of what’s good and I hope I give that back.

I got to hang out at our bird sanctuary today with fellow Master Naturalists. That was so good for my soul.

Today I realized I’m not the only one who struggles with transition and change. My poor Apache horse really likes a predictable life. Surprises like the farrier or a horse show aren’t his favorites.

Mabel disliked the hoof surprise a lot, too. She wouldn’t go into a pen to eat today. That pleased the donkey.

Today was riding day, so Apache got all groomed and pretty and did fine on his groundwork, though he still dislikes jumping what he considers a “high” jump.

He was displeased at having to go to the new location of the round pen to do the riding. I didn’t push him, just walked and trotted, stopped and started, and leg yielded. However, Lee had mowed some “trails” for us, so I tried Apache out on them. It was funny to see him go into his panic at the unfamiliar, doing his direction changes and left turns.

Why did you make me do this? I do t need personal growth.

Yes, I’ve finally gotten to where I find it more funny than scary, and helped him get some walking on the path done. And when I got off, he had to go back in the round pen and breathe for a while. I figure he’ll get better. He always does, just like me.

I guess the trees are scary. I couldn’t get good photos of him because he thinks he has to move when I move.

Onward and upward, trying to get through transition as smoothly as possible for both me and the animals.

I Guess It’s Good News

The Hermits’ Rest is smaller today. We sold half our property to the nice folks who’ve been leasing the land for hay and cattle. We also sold them our part of the rest of the ranch, which we’d partnered with Sara next door on.

It had to happen, since Sara is moving to a beautiful farm is Wisconsin to engage in a regenerative agriculture project. We couldn’t afford to buy her out, and besides, now seems like a good time to liquidate assets. So much uncertainty.

I can still do my iNaturalist stuff and ride on the land, as I may have mentioned before. They won’t cut down the woods, they said. It’s still hard to sell part of my home. You know how attached I get to land, even over-grazed former post-oak savanna. Yes, yes, I’m not good with change.

On the other hand, there will be no more owing anyone money. That will help me sleep at night. I can pay off my debts and easily live within my means. What a weight off my mind. The unexpected expenses of the last couple of years messed me up!

There have also been pet expenses. Good news: Goldie found a bed she can get in and out of.

So yeah, that was good news. Tomorrow we get the bad news about Goldie. Her biopsy results came in. But she’s still having fun and we will let her do it as long as we can.

Timely Political Question

How have your political views changed over time?

My political views haven’t changed much, though as I learn new information, there have been slight moves one way or another. My basic point of view is that I’d like everyone to have meaningful work, live somewhere safe and comfortable, and to be their authentic selves. I want people to be free from violence and to practice whatever spiritual path is meaningful in their culture. Old hippie me.

Over the years I’ve grown less fond of wars and bigotry, though I didn’t like them from the start. I have, however, come to respect the rights of people who want to live differently from me. I just can’t figure out how those of us who want to eliminate other religions or political groups can live with the people who don’t. It’s that paradox of tolerance everyone was talking about not too long ago.

Makes me want to fly away, like this guy.

Since I’ve always enjoyed meeting people from different places, cultures, and backgrounds, I know that everyone believes they are correct, and I think it’s worthwhile to take the perspective of people who differ from me. That’s been my focus lately. So, my political views have not shifted much, I am gaining insight into how people come to such radically different conclusions from me.

Or I could move far south like these Sandhill Cranes. They’re running late.

Currently I’m figuring out what will keep me relatively stable as I observe how the USA and other countries handle things. I’ll continue to do what I actually can do to help when I can.

Laughing at this guy helps. He’s chowing down on the food he’d rejected two minutes earlier, after realizing another horse wanted it. All that cantering works up an appetite.

Anyway, the weather has been weird, hot to cold rain to sunny to calm to windy. We lucked out and missed the latest round of unseasonable tornadoes. It feels like I’m living in science fiction from my childhood.

Pondering

It’s probably a luxury and sign of my privileged status that I’m able to ponder upon what to do in the near future to protect my more distant future. Still, people my age tend to be pondering about many age-related potential occurrences.

Sometimes I feel like an empty seed head, like I’ve fulfilled my purpose and am done now.

Do we work for pay every day until we die? Can we retire and finance our needs ourselves? Will we need help from children or other relatives as we age and decline in health? What’s the best strategy that will give us a comfortable old age?

Anita plans to get her advice from Goldie. She’s wise for her age.

Heck if I know. I thought we had things set up in one way, but things unexpectedly changed, and we have to pivot. Our neighbor, Sara, who I do my horse stuff with, is escaping Texas to start a regenerative farm business in Wisconsin with members of her family. This is exciting for them!

Apache will miss his lesson and show buddy.

But that’s meant we’ve had little choice but to sell the vast majority of the ranch, which we owned together. And the very nice people we are selling to also wanted some of the property we owned outright. With times being what they are, Lee wants to liquidate assets, so this is all going to happen.

If you’re wondering why my anxiety is high and I’m sad, well, this is part of it. I won’t own any of the creek or woods any longer. My plans for a consternation [hilarious typo; I meant conservation] easement are no longer possible. We could not afford to buy out the other half of the ranch to do that; we’d hoped to do it later.

We’d hoped for a few more years of Aragorn in Christmas tack.

The fact that we will soon only have a “ranchette” (not popular with the locals) does give us more options. So we have to ponder them. The agreement we made not to fence in the acres right behind the house means I can’t put in another pasture for the horses. It’s hard to support four horses on what we have.

It better support one attractive rooster!

So, lots to ponder, lots to keep me up at night, and that’s not even bringing in the unknown of the next four years and how it will affect us, right as we would need to start relying on Social Security and Medicare, which we’ve paid into since we were teenagers.

Change is inevitable; we all know that. I can deal with it in small doses with time to prepare. This stuff? I’ll remind myself to put one foot in front of the other and notice the good, the beauty, and the inspiration that occurs every day. Right?

I’m not planning to run away like this bunny!

Time to Heal, So Heel, Goldie!

We got our dog back and I survived the journey. Let’s just say it’s hard for stressed-out people to deal with how those close to them act when stressed out. But Goldie is home!

She was glad to see us, and is walking well for her first tripod day. The poor girl will not pee or poop anywhere but here, so I was glad to hear that they expressed her bladder during surgery. 48 hours is a long time to hold it, even when your bladder is large.

We have to keep her quiet for two weeks and not let her run and jump. That’s gonna be hard, but we brought her crate into the living room where she won’t be alone. You see, Harvey can’t come upstairs since his stroke, so he has to have someone down with him. So, the living room is now a bedroom. Yow.

We took the couch cushions off, too, so Goldie can sleep in her preferred spot without straining. No more straining now that the car ride is over. The exit was difficult.

Yeah, it was an extra stressful day, not only from a dog standpoint but also a work standpoint. Things change a lot when you’re suddenly in change management. But hey, I got to see a hawk up close, not flapping around. That was good.

This is a good spot, says Mr. Red Shoulders.

I’m just tired. Too many early days and too much calendar chaos with meetings and events changing on me. Time to draw on my reserves, because guess what? It’s burr season again. The horses are covered. We didn’t get enough of them. Now I’m pre-exhausted.

At least the dog is back.

Same Work, Different Tools

How has technology changed your job?

I’m a technical writer/trainer/instructional designer as my paying job. I also do a lot of editing. This kind of profession has probably been around since there were jobs. Someone has to teach others skills needed in various professions, and someone has to record information accurately.

Someone had to pass along fence building skills on ranches, so birds could poop out seeds and create rows of trees on fence lines. These are Eve’s necklacepods (*Styphnolobium affine*)

I’m pretty sure there are technical manuals in hieroglyphics. No doubt scribes hand-wrote instructions for doing things correctly. Certainly people have shown others how to perform tasks (weaving, sewing, carpentry, brewing, and such) without need for writing. Maybe they drew pictures. Teachers have always had to be there to pass down necessary skills, whether formally or informally.

So, while I don’t work in the world’s oldest profession, skills like mine have always been needed to pass on traditional skills. Teaching may be the second oldest profession.

Technology has affected what I do like it has any form of teaching. It’s provided new tools to create material and given us options like videos, which any of us can now use (to either teach or confuse, judging from the videos on knitting I’ve seen).

I need a genetics teacher to explain how the white versions of flowers come up.

Of course, what I teach about is software, which wouldn’t be a subject if we didn’t have computers at our fingertips. Sometimes I wish I could teach something more tangible or timeless. Software comes and goes in a flash. No one needs my WordPerfect teaching skills today!

I figure no matter what new technology comes up, I’ll be using it to share knowledge with others. That’s my passion.

Conversely, I’ll also keep wanting to learn. It’s why I enjoy my journey with trying to ride my horses skillfully and care for them appropriately. No matter how old I get, I want to keep moving and learning. Just look at my posture! I hardly recognize myself.

I’m glad to have a job that’s always relevant, no matter how times and technology change. I’m just as glad to have hobbies that have been around a long time but remain relevant, like equestrian skills and crafts!

End of ramble. Here’s another picture of me and Apache, this time looking medieval.

One Thing I Would Like to Change

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

If you’ve read more than a few posts on this here blog you know that this crone has a long list of things she’d like to change about herself, and that she at least says she’s working on them.

Today’s birds are white-crowned sparrows in a tree. They sang and sang.

So, what’s one thing I’d like to change about myself? Today I nominate my persistent and unwavering drive toward conflict and avoidance. I’d love to stop apologizing all the time and learn to take up for myself, whether it pisses people off and makes them dislike me or not.

The end.

A Positive Change

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

Since today has been pretty rough, I think I’ll just answer the daily blogging prompt. It is the perfect time to remind myself of the positive changes I’ve made in the past couple of years. The prompt asked for one, but I’ll share a couple. I’m quite proud of how much “personal growth” I’ve engaged in. It’s certainly making my “twilight years” more pleasant.

I made a new friend today, a hackberry emperor butterfly who sat on my arm for a long time. I enjoyed watching its proboscis.

The first positive change I’ve made is the most important. I figured out how to end the constant stream of negative self talk that had accompanied me my entire life. Looking back, I can see that I was always anxious and always felt like I could not please anyone, especially myself.

I’m not “cured” (everyone has down moments or days), but I’m so much better. I face each day in happy anticipation of enjoying beauty, learning new things, and contributing to the good in the world. I’m a better person for that!

I’m grateful to the support of my long-time therapist, my friends, and supportive family members as I stumbled through this process.

I found this particular beautiful thing in a parking lot.

The second thing I’ve done that has positively influenced my life is taking risks. Now, I’m not talking about skydiving or truly risky behaviors, but I’ve tried many new things and lived. Many of the things I’ve done with the horses are things I’d have hesitated to try earlier in my life. Good thing I listen to my encouraging trainer.

And of course, I always have a supportive donkey at my side. She’s usually just that close when I’m in the pasture.

The third thing is a work in progress. I’m way better about it, but I still slip into old patterns here. I am working to stop caring so much about what other people think of me and trying to get people to like me. This has been a long, hard road, but wow am I better now!

It all came to a head when I broke down and started crying and asked my neighbor to like me, because I wanted to remain his friend. He looked at me like I had three heads. Upon reflection I concluded that my life won’t be much different at all without him in my life and that caring about what he says about me would only make my life less serene. I’m just fine now and can just smile and be pleasant without worrying about whether I’m offending or providing gossip fodder.

I am not worried about what the cattle and cattle egrets think about the humans on the other side of the fence.

That’s because I’ve just about given up on caring what people think about me or say about me. I know who I am, and it’s not my job to explain myself to people who don’t care to take the time to get to know me or my perspective. I’m going to try to be kind and open to others’ perspectives, but not spend my time trying to present my ideas unless requested.

Goldie has the right idea: just enjoy the moment.

That’s so freeing! I have so many more opportunities to find peace and joy now that I let myself be whoever I am and like that person.

Such hard work. And still lots more to work on. But positive change is worth it.