A Cool Peaceful Evening

What are you doing this evening?

What an odd question, but one I can answer without torturing myself or becoming angsty. Hooray!

What’s going on here?

First off, I’m spending my evening basking in the genuinely pleasant, damp weather. What? It rained! It was the first significant rain since June 16. And for once, we didn’t immediately flood. We just got about a quarter inch that can soak in. It’s going to rain for the next few days, so goodbye to the Heat Dome of Hades! The high today didn’t even hit 90°.

Rain. Really.

This evening I also got my hair cut, which was long overdue. It’s growing out a bit. My hair stylist is a real hoot, too. She ran to her salon from a cross country meet, cut my hair in a half hour, then ran back to JV football practice. That’s one busy mom.

Is that me?

She cut my hair dry and straightened it as she cut it. It was an interesting technique and magically made my growing out layers look perfect. I don’t get to see my hair straight very often, so I enjoyed this experience a lot. The back looks pretty, too.

That looks fancy. I’m told it will also look good with my waves. I wonder if it look great all sweaty?

The rest of the evening has been spent hanging out with Lee and the dogs. Lee has some virus, but cooked dinner to cheer himself up. After that, I knitted and hung out with Carlton. That’s so perfect.

My favorite evening setting.

Well, it’s perfect other than getting all his precious white hair all over my shirt and temperature blanket.

Short haired dogs shed, too.

Lee has been lying on the couch all night feeling feverish. The dogs felt compelled to cool him off. At one point Penney was on one side licking his hand, while Harvey was on the other side, licking his leg through his pants. Goldie hasn’t left his side. Like the horses, dogs know when people feel bad.

Feel better, Daddy!

And that’s my exciting evening. I was at an online conference all day, so knitting and blogging is about all I can handle. The rest of the week will be more fun. Why did they ask this on a Wednesday?

Red Flags or Intuition?

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

I rolled my eyes when I saw this prompt. I have found that some people just give me an instant negative reaction or at least I get negative “vibes” soon after. I’m right about it more often than not; it’s one of my innate abilities.

Photography is not an innate ability though this seed pod is pretty.

I HAVE been wrong about those vibes a couple of times. There are a couple of good friends who rubbed me the wrong way at first, but grew on me.

Apache wonders if he’s one of those friends. I’m smiling now.

Upon additional thought about red flag traits, I managed to come up with one personality type that makes me want to avoid people. It’s folks who have no topics of conversation other than themselves and lack the social skills to recognize when they ought to give someone else a turn. It seems like every group I’ve been in, from La Leche League groups to spiritual groups to book clubs has one of these.

Be polite

I try to be patient with such folks. They may be lonely or they may have a disability that affects them. Sadly, I’ve seen more than one group break up or dwindle to just a few patient folks because of this.

I hope to all that is sacred that I’m not one of those people. I try to cut my stories short, but may fail. The thing is, I love to hear about other people’s lives; I just want everyone to get a turn.

Any other traits that are red flags? Probably being intentionally racist, sexist, or homophobic. Cruelty to animals. Stuff like that.

Drew points out that he is an animal and we’re not cruel to him.

I must tell you a trait I like in others, and that’s being kind to others. I appreciated it today when Tarrin’s husband, Teddy, helped Lee deal with a horse trailer gone bad. He found a nail in it but got it filled enough to get home. New tires are in our future.

I also truly appreciate the man in the pickup truck who followed us down Tarrin’s road, even into the parking lot of the new Milano gas station/truck stop. It turned out that when we heard a big clunk after hitting a tree branch (road not meant for RVs), it was our fancy television antenna being ripped off the roof. This kind man saw it, picked up the antenna, and brought it to us. Lee said he couldn’t tell the guy thank you enough.

We were darn late getting home.

See, there are many helpful people out there! They raise green flags with me!

Is There an Ideal Week?

Describe your ideal week.

I thought about this all day long today, and I had plenty of time to think as I worked in the actual Dell Technologies offices today. The scenery didn’t distract me, even though I had a window view.

Ooh, look, the 45 Toll Road! It leads straight to my dentist, which is why I was in the area.

I’m sure there’s some Golden Perfect week that involves riding horses on the beach, bathing in a spring-fed pond, working on the Great Sunarian Novel, knitting in a hammock on a porch with bird feeders nearby, and eating nothing but oysters, fish, fresh veggies and ripe fruit…but that’s not realistic.

Excuse me, you forgot to mention petting dogs.

Realistically, I think I’ve got all the ingredients it takes to make for a perfect week, right here in scenic Milam County, Texas. Here are the components of my perfect week, which might not all occur in any one week:

  • Meaningful work. I’m glad I have a job I like to bring in money and challenge me.
  • Writing. I’ll have to write every day, line I do now.
  • Reading. I read constantly when not knitting, writing, or horsing.
  • Horses. Every day I want quality time with horses, to make up for the years I didn’t have any. I will keep riding and learning.
  • Other pets. I have to be with the doggies and chickens to remind myself there are so many ways to live and love.
  • Volunteer work. I like my Master Naturalist work and want to do it as much as I can squeeze in.
  • Swimming. I never used to like it, but I enjoy it all year now.
  • Meditation. As I wrote about earlier, it’s part of any ideal week.
  • Travel. Not every week, but often, I want to go camping, or to a condo in a new place.
  • Friends. I love that I have scheduled times to see friends in person and Zoom every week.
  • Family. Time just talking and laughing with Lee hard to happen regularly. I’m hoping tune with the rest of the family will become regular soon.
  • Hanging out in nature. It’s a must or I get all irritated and irritating. I need to feel like I’m a small part of the big picture.

Wow. I just kept going there. The good news is that I usually have most of these things every week, so my life is now ideal. Yay, I made it to where I hoped I’d be when I was younger!

Note: in any ideal week the temperature will NOT be over 100°F nor will there be a polar vortex. But, thanks, humanity, you’ve guaranteed extremes for the rest of my life. That’s not ideal, is it?

Glad I’m part of your ideal week, Suna.

Yes, There Are Athletes I Admire

Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

Many of my friends aren’t fond of professional sports or the players. Trust me, I won’t argue that there are plenty of negative aspects, like head injuries, young people being taken advantage of, ridiculous ticket prices, gambling, drugs…etc.

But I can’t help being impressed with what some very wise athletes have done with their fame (in addition to making funny commercials and getting oh so wealthy (I see you Mannings and Mahomes). So, here are a few I admire.

Billy Jean King. It’s hard not to admire her. She took her platform as a tennis player and has not stopped using it to promote women’s rights and health. She’s still doing good work, with her weirdly brown hair for someone age 79.

Dak Prescott. Not only is he my favorite player on my favorite football team (Dallas Cowboys, for anti-US sports readers), but he won the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year for his extensive charity work. He has a good sense of humor, but seems very intelligent and willing to share his ridiculous income with others. He doesn’t seem busy only buying bling, dressing weird, and putting shiny stuff on his teeth (OK, I’ve seen his outfits; he does wear some unusual fashion). But heck, he’s exactly one month younger that my son, so he’s still a kid.

Me and my Dak Bobblehead.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar. I’ve always admired him as a human being, even when I was very young. Yes, he was one of the greatest basketball players ever, but he’s also a brilliant thinker on history, race relations, religion, and more. He is a great speaker and writer, too.

So that’s the answer to the prompt. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I thought I’d share my rough afternoon. Here’s my Facebook post:

  1. I get so tired of being weak and wimpy.
  2. I’m very grateful for my kind horse.

I overheated riding today because I’d convinced myself it was “cooler” outside. I didn’t realize it, but I guess Apache did, because in the middle of our exercises he broke free and zoomed to the tack room and stopped. I was thinking, ooh, he’s not listening, so I need to get him to pay attention before I get off, so I tried to walk a few steps then stop. After the second time, he zipped to the round pen, where his halter was, walked a circle for me and stopped.

As we stopped I realized I was shaking all over and dizzy. When I dismounted I was nauseated. Apache walked slowly with me to the shade and just stood by me as I sat down to call Lee to come get me.

Here he is hanging with me

We both got hosed off, which helped. Now, maybe Apache had his own reasons for acting weird, but I appreciate that he got me to get off sooner than I’d planned. I wish the promised cooler (previously there was a “coojer” typo that was pretty funny) weather would show up! I’m hardly able to get anything done with the horses other than feeding and ground work.

So Relaxed I Am, for Me

How do you relax?

For a person with anxiety, I’m relaxed much of the time. That’s because I’ve had decades of practice finding ways to relax both my body and my mind. Here’s what I do.

Meditation: my goodness have I meditated a lot in my lifetime, probably years if you add it all up. I started so long ago that it was called TM, or transcendental meditation. I read a lot of books on it, though I never took a class. It was really helpful during my teen years.

There’s a Buddha in here somewhere

Eventually I learned yoga, too, and did a lot of meditation in my spiritual activities. That Starhawk lady had a lot of fun guided meditations that let me help others meditate. I really grew to treasure my time breathing and centering as it became part of my spiritual practice and as I learned more Buddhist teachings. There are so many ways to meditate that I never get bored.

Anyway, it’s relaxing, too.

Knitting: I’ve knitted to relax even longer than I’ve meditated. I learned that from my female relatives, who all seemed to pick up their knitting or crocheting when things got tense.

The repetition and tactile pleasure of handcrafts is soothing both physically and mentally. I especially enjoy it when it’s just complicated enough to keep negative thoughts at bay.

This project isn’t hard, just bulky.

And when truly stressed, knitting can keep me from opening my mouth and making a fool out of myself. I still remember the sock I worked on the day I was told my services were no longer needed at the nonprofit organization. I sat in my office that day and knitted furiously. That sock (it was yellow and blue, as I recall) would not fit onto my foot. For once I didn’t knit too loosely!

I’m just full of stories, huh.

Reading: No doubt many of us read to relax. These days I find fiction fun but not relaxing. I get too involved. I much prefer nonfiction or magazines.

I used to be more organized
I’m getting used to Kindle reading

Geez, I love magazines. I love learning about things I’d never thought of before, and I can lose myself in the photography, from home interiors to nature to fast cars and of course to pretty horses.

Some magazines. And books.

Pets: all my pets relax me. Okay, sometimes they add to stress, but mostly being with warm, entertaining nonhumans is a great way to relax. Stroking a happy doggy has to add endorphins. I have watched the chickens pecking, clucking, and slurping their water for long stretches of time, too.

Happy and relaxed doggies

I have to admit I spend even more time just hanging around with Fiona and the horses. They are so friendly and trusting. We hang out a lot, with them napping and me stroking their necks. Ahhh.

What relaxes you?

Sorry about That

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

Easiest blog prompt EVER. I do so wish this word would stop popping out of my mouth:

SORRY

Whenever I feel stressed, judged, criticized, or trapped in a situation I want to get away from, I start apologizing. If there were a word cloud of my vocabulary, “sorry” would be one of the giant words (along with family and pet names.

I’ve managed to get past many parts of my childhood anxiety, sensitivity, rejection sensitivity. My inner voice is kinder. I judge others less harshly. I no longer dwell on my past and criticize myself for past mistakes.

But I can’t stop apologizing for stuff I don’t even have control over. It sure annoys my family and good friends. Sorry about that.

Help me break this habit!

Hard to Hold a Grudge

Are you holding a grudge? About?

Am I? I just don’t think I’m a grudge kind of person and I don’t think I ever was. Especially nowadays, when it’s become abundantly clear that everyone is a bit of a mess and capable of treating people poorly. Me too. So I cut the people around me a lot of slack.

I pondered this at lunch at a local park while watching blue-gray gnatcatchers flit around.

I have been angry at a couple of people and one institution (which is what comes closest to a grudge) who truly treated me badly. But for the ones I think of right off the bat, I know they thought/think their actions were the right thing to do. One I hear is now ashamed at what they said to and about me and my family. I feel no need to get back at them or make them feel worse.

Still, I’m not going to put myself in the position of allowing them to mistreat me again. I think the best thing to do in these situations is to put them out of my mind. Bearing a grudge entails thinking about the offending party too much to make me comfortable. It takes a while but it’s possible to let things go. I prefer to let the past be past, not consume myself with worrying about the future, and treasure today—the good and challenging parts.

Good parts of a day always include plants

I have to say that occasionally an old institutional grudge comes back, hard as I’ve tried to banish the word “chaordic” from my mind. The people in that organization are still among some of the most vindictive, self righteous, and divisive bunch of women I’ve ever seen (and others are among the kindest and most loyal friends on earth). Anyway, the little fringe alumnae group I still help out with has come under attack (of course by unknown parties). I could feel the bile rising in my gut. I was, as they say, triggered. I asked myself why the hell I let myself get talked into being involved again, even a little. I did NOT heed my own advice to walk away.

Not good.

I guess this is a good opportunity to test my ability to concentrate on the good and put the triggering behaviors out of my mind. Let’s see how I do.

We can all learn from mistakes and acknowledge when we were wrong. Sometimes grudges end that way.

Other times, like with the relative currently trying to cause me pain, we can realize people are unable to change, and simply let them go. You can’t hold a grudge if you no longer care.

I guess my institutional grudges keep popping back up because I can’t stop caring about the good people involved. This goes for my deep disappointment in my old church. Hmm. Maybe I figured something out!

I didn’t even need a giant slab of limestone to ponder this on!

Thanks to the blog prompt folks for making me think this through.

Bird Bonanza

I’d been bemoaning the lack of bird species I’d seen around the ranch, but the last couple of days make me think the birds may believe the cooler weather of autumn is coming. I’m glad for their beliefs, which encourage me to hope that the prospect of a cool front in a few days may come to pass.

Bees hope it cools off, too.

Yesterday, My glimmer was that a female painted bunting flew right up to where I was standing and listening for birds. She proceeded to tweet a few times, which confirmed what she was, since the female buntings all look pretty similar. She came back today and I got to watch her hopping around for a good while, but she never said anything. Brown of course, I knew who she was!

Today’s glimmer was very large and graceful in the air. I’d reviewed my past photos for a blog earlier this week and realized that a year ago we had storks and a roseate spoonbill in our pond, I was sad to have seen no storks this year. But, lo and behold, I looked up and got to enjoy watching three storks fly by. I guess our pond doesn’t look good enough for a visit this year, but maybe they will come back. No photos. I was using my eyes to enjoy them.

Last year’s storks.

I was also really pleased by the number of birds that were around this morning between 8 and 8:30 am, when I went out to listen with Merlin Bird ID. Here’s what was hanging round the ranch:

  • Crow
  • Cardinal
  • European Starling
  • Dickcissel (surprised it’s still here)
  • House Sparrow
  • Downy Woodpecker
  • Upland Sandpiper
  • Blue-gray gnatcatcher
  • Loggerhead Shrike (my fave)
  • Killdeer
  • Baltimore Oriole
  • Carolina wren
  • House finch
  • Yellow warbler (migrating)
  • Great egret

I had visual confirmation of the yellow warblers – they sure are yellow. And I also saw a female hummingbird going after our red salvia, a turkey vulture or two, and the Baltimore Oriole, though you’d never know what it was from my photo.

Sure. That’s an oriole. Ha ha.

Far Away Memories

Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.

I haven’t traveled all that much. My parents could not afford it, and neither could I when I was younger and living on grad student pay. I got to drive to conferences, and when I got a job, did get to see California and Boston for conferences. Most of my travel to this day has been for conferences, mostly work related, so light on sightseeing.

However. I lucked out travel-wise by marrying a European person, though, so in the 14 years we were married I got to see Ireland, England, and the furthest place I’ve ever been, Switzerland.

So here’s a story about the first time I went to Switzerland, a place I’ve never seen without jet lag (I’ve spent 3 days there, total).

The children’s dad had a work thing in Zurich, so we got the idea to all go so we could save one fare. I was to tote the children, ages one and 3 or a little less to Ireland, where he’d join us for a visit with the kids’ grandparents.

We arrived after the very long flight with small children and fell asleep the minute we found the hotel. We woke up in Switzerland morning, which was really early to the kids, but we had an idea to entertain them.

Train in Switzerland.

My older son was fascinated with trains at the time, like obsessed. So we went to the train station. So many “frains” as he called them. We took a delightful short ride and came back. The younger son woke up in time to see the giant Toblerone display in the station, so we had to get chocolate.

Who can resist?

I still remember the look on my older son’s face when he saw all those real live trains. It was pure wonder. He’d just say “frain” over and over like he was in paradise.

That’s all I remember of Switzerland other than being at the airport trying to fly alone with two little ones. Declan fell asleep in the customs line, where I had to drag the luggage and the kids. He wouldn’t wake up due to the jet lag, and I couldn’t lift him. But people were kind to us, and we ended up having a nice flight thanks to helpful airline staff. Irish people love children so much.

The other time I went to Switzerland was the only time I ever got Lee to fly with me anywhere. We landed in Basel and went directly to a boat. I didn’t see much!

I do want to say that though I am sad to no longer hear from the older child, I will always treasure the memories of him when he was small. He was very smart and hilarious. He talked at 9 month (said “moon” and pointed to it). He spoke long sentences way too early, which confused people, because he could be hard to understand with the interesting consonant combinations he came up with.

Our conversations, walks, playground time, and endless playing with Thomas the Tank Engine wooden railroads were among some of the best times of my life. I’ve also traveled very far from that safe, happy home.

Is There an Ideal Home?

What does your ideal home look like?

Today’s prompt is something I think about often. I’ve designed a few homes and liked each, but none are my dream home. The Hermits’ Rest ranch house has a floor plan I like, but things have happened to make it less than ideal. That’s fine. Life happens!

I do like my bed

When I envision an ideal home, I quickly realize the setting is more important to me than the house. Ideally I would have:

  • Enough acreage that I can’t see neighbors who aren’t family
  • Woods, with paths
  • Pasture for horses and hay
  • A lake where one can swim, fish, kayak, and look at birds
  • Barn with stalls, tack room, and hay area
  • Horses and donkeys (reasonable number, but in Ideal World I have a helper who gets to ride with me)
  • Indoor horse arena
  • Meadow or prairie area, with paths,
  • A creek going into or leading from the lake
  • Treehouse/bird blind
Glad we get to come.

The house will feature much wood and iron. There are windows with views of the lake, the woods, and if possible, the horses, but they may be a little ways down the road.

Vaguely like this Georgia house from One Kindesign

Porches and decks to hang out on and enjoy the view are a must. There will be a little path leading to a guest house and swimming pool.

By the way, the lake will NOT feature poopy cow butts

In the house I can have all the colors and patterns I want. There will be much Jacobean tree of life prints on the furniture and walls. China, pottery, paintings, embroideries, and glassware will be wherever I want it. My beautiful dining room table and chairs will look great in the cheerful dining room.

That’s the idea! (From Architectural Digest)

I will be able to see to read in any of the many comfortable but not ugly seating areas. I’d have plants if I weren’t so bad with them.

From Veranda magazine.

My office will have Native Anerican rugs, pottery, and baskets by people I know it at least know of. I will display my silver there, along with paintings of horses and canyons and mesas. There will be tall ceilings to hold all my bookshelves, with those ladder things to climb to get books.

I could hide the shelves among Jacobean tapestries.

And if you know me, I won’t have a white kitchen and there may well be cherry cabinets. I like cherry and don’t care if it’s fashionable. I will have an induction range and cast iron cookware. If I can’t lift it anymore I’ll hire a cook.

My goodness. These things are $400 now. I’ll stick with my black 1986 one.

Bathrooms? Cheerful. Colorful. Functional. Attached to a huge closet no one will make fun of me for, with much shoe storage and a jewelry vault or giant storage thing.

I have no bathroom examples, but look, more English florals. My happy place, too. From the Architectural Digest article, “Happy Place” with photographs by Max Burkhalter. September 2023, pp. 89-101

I’ll need a yarn room or outbuilding. Then I can sew, weave, and quilt. People can hang out with me there. Yes, that will be great.

Like this, only with space for crafts.

I enjoyed imagining this impossible house. It’s really impossible because I want it not too big and in a pleasant climate. Ha ha.

No, there’s no ideal home. Let’s aim for comfy.