rant – Page 12 – The Hermits' Rest

Not an Easy Time to Be an Empath

Oh no, not another post where someone, specifically Suna, whines about how horrible the past year’s been on those poor pitiful empaths. Not to worry, I, Suna, am also tired of that, especially when I hear it coming from the mouths of some of the least empathic human beings I know. But, who am I to argue about how others self identify? So, go right ahead and say you’re one. Maybe really most of us ARE empaths after all.

Hey, this jasmine plant is blooming already, even after being severely trimmed. Life WILL return to something better after struggle!

So, I’m not whining. I’m just noticing, like one of those intrusive thoughts that come up in meditation that you notice and then let float away while you enjoy the breath moving in and out, if you can (not all folks can!). I notice that I am not alone in experiencing a greater-than-usual amount of death and loss during the past week or two. I notice that, when you combine that with a LOT of change in areas we can’t control (work, politics, family), stress, anxiety, and worry starts running high. I notice imbalance.

In everyone.

I have not spoken to or texted a single person today who is not at just about their limit of 2021-generated agita. I am one of those people. This makes for an uncomfortable circuit of communication in which people share their issue, I share my issue, they share another issue, I share an issue, and in the end, we realize rather than helping each other, we’ve just ramped each other up into sniveling balls of angst. There has been sniveling and sniffling in my life today, none of it unjustified. I feel their pain, and then, because I’m not exactly at my peak of highest self, send pain back, rather than being a good, supportive listener.

I’d like to stop that, now.

One choice I have is to remain comfortably numb. If I stop typing, researching, creating, etc., I just stare forward, like I was this morning, with a thick buzzing in my brain, like I’m still asleep. This doesn’t sound like the picture of good mental health, to me.
Another thing I tried was to go learn something. That always helps me. So, today, because I was asked to, I did a whole bunch of research on bullet journals and the full focus journals that Lee uses. The women’s group at work is interested in journaling methods for improving their work efficiency. And I made a PowerPoint NOT with the corporate template. That was a treat that perked me up for at least twenty minutes.
My best choice I can come up with right now is to talk to someone who doesn’t feel like I do, so I can vent and not have to receive jittery vibes back. Oh good, I’m home, and Anita’s doing fine. I’ll try that.

So, if you’re having one of those days where empaths are trying to be empathetic to empaths, go find someone who will just listen and say, “Tut tut, there there, that’s a LOT on your plate, my friend.” And then go read, knit, color in your coloring book, or find another creative outlet. Feel free to ignore the news unless it’s something like transgender rights to serve in the military or getting rid of private prisons (those pleased me yesterday).

I hope to soon notice more of a balance between positive and negative life events, if this works.

If it doesn’t work, what ideas do you have for dragging on through more of the unending negativity and working back toward a more balanced life?

I Understand Why People Hate Timeshares

As faithful readers may have noticed, Lee and I bought into a timeshare, after swearing we’d never do that. But, we reasoned that by paying into it, we would be more likely to take the time out of our schedules to go travel, and it would be like having a second (okay, third) home without having to maintain it ourselves.

We (or I) have enjoyed visiting various spots, like North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, and Utah. We also had a fun trip within Texas through the system. I have no complaints about the facilities or staff, and was really impressed by how careful they were when I went to Utah and managed to avoid humans and their diseases.

But, it turns out that the resorts and amenities are a small part of the operations, which really seem to be focused on aggressively pursuing late payments and trying to get people to default on their loans. If a payment isn’t received immediately, debt collection calls start. I’ve never had debt collection calls from anywhere, ever before!

It turns out that our problem is that Lee prefers to make payments by postal mail, using the coupon books provided by the company and personal checks. That’s a legitimate way to pay, and I used to pay for things that way, too. This does make us dependent on the US Postal Service to get our payments to the company on time. Payments sent a week before due date were a few days late a couple of times since we got the timeshare. As soon as I realized the calls were legit, I always paid the bills by credit card. They kindly took the checks, too, once they arrived. I guess it applied to principal.

But then, around Christmas/New Year’s, I kept getting calls and calls. It seems that they didn’t get TWO payments. Lee swore he’d paid them. Well, ha! He had sent the payments all right, but they got RETURNED to us for sending them to the wrong address (the address on the payment coupons). Well, changing your address and not forwarding mail to the new one sure is a way to get lots of late fees.

I called their debt servicing folks, and a lady gave me two entirely different addresses to send payments to. She said she never heard of the one on our coupons. Uh huh. Too bad, so sad.

I sent their email address proof that we DID make the payments and that the postal service had returned them. I asked that they not report me as not paying my bills.

So, beware. Timeshares can be fun and simplify travel, but I’d pay cash up front if I ever did it again, which I won’t.

Horror stories of your own are welcome!

Thinking about Dealing with Bullies

Today’s a good day to think about bullies. We’ve been dealing with bullies as a country for a while now, and I’ve had to deal with some of it myself in the past week or two. That’s lead to a lot of introspection on my part about how the way I’ve dealt with bullying in my personal life.

The Important Part

I’m gonna cut to the chase here.

The only way to deal with a bully is to deny them attention.

What bullies, mansplainers (of all gender preferences), egotistical folks, people with hero complexes, and others like them want is for the focus to always be on themselves. That’s why they feel compelled to spend your valuable time telling you how they want you to behave, explaining how things you are already familiar with work, and engaging in passive-aggressive (and plain ole aggressive behavior). All this makes people focus on them.

These chicken bullies apparently want to come in the house.

When I find myself having to repeatedly justify myself, feel pressured to do things I’m not comfortable doing, or endure subtle put-downs, I’ve learned to say, “Ah ha, I’m dealing with a bully!”

In my distant past, I would feel sorry for them and try to appease or educate them. I’d apologize when a bully told me my interpretation of what they said was in no way meant the way it comes across, because they’d NEVER do that. I’d think, hmm, maybe my direct experiences were biases and not true. I don’t do that now.

This blurry loggerhead shrike made me feel better, so I’m sharing it.

When goaded and prodded into finally losing my temper and making an unfortunate choice of words, I’d feel awful, seeing them whine about how much I hurt their precious feelings in such an unwarranted and unprovoked fashion. They can dish it out, but they just don’t seem to be able to take it.

Well, that’s a load of bull poop.

All those reactions of mine were giving bullies the attention they craved. I was giving them license to poke and prod at me, question my competence, to talk about me behind my back, and to tear me down in order to build up their fragile egos.

Notice to Past, Present, and Future Bullies

I’m not playing your game. I’ll give you a chance or two, in case I’ve misinterpreted your behavior, but I know when I see bullying and abuse. When I’m done with you, I’m done. I’m not going to interact with you in the future. I do not owe you an explanation. I’m not interested in pointing out if you’re about to screw up; you can deal with your own consequences.

If you’re someone in power, I’ll stop supporting you. If I work with you, I’ll leave the position or wait it out until you lose yours. If you’re a family member, future contact will be on my terms.

And oh yeah, I’ll keep ignoring you until you realize I’m not giving you attention and I no longer stoking your ego’s needs.

I do my best to be kind, to treat others as I would like to be treated, and to listen to other people’s points of view. The exceptions are bullies and abusers. Once I recognize the tell-tale signs it’s starting up, you lose a target. No, I won’t feel guilty for hurting your feelings or upsetting your minions. I value my peace and sanity more.

Anyway, I enjoyed the inauguration today.

What Motivates Doing the Right Thing?

Last night, while I could not get to sleep. I was watching lawmakers on television suddenly deciding to say things that made sense, that would calm people down, and that might lead to a better society. I cynically thought to myself that they didn’t do this as long as pretending to be loyal to an incompetent leader was to their advantage. How did they know when it was time to do the right thing rather than the thing that they knew was wrong, but would keep them in power?

I’d have been scared, too. [Papers and other materials litter the chamber after House were evacuated as protesters try to break into the House Chamber at the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday, Jan. 6, 2021, in Washington. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)]

I don’t know. It could be fearing for their lives as their buddies tried to break into the building where all the non-President leadership of the US was hanging out. Perhaps the incompetent leader finally became so incompetent that there was no more pretending “He was just kidding, ya know, that’s how he is. What a card!”

Get off my lawn! I wouldn’t want to piss him off, whoever he is, but guessing from the moss, he may be Florida Man. Image by *@AM__ARTISTRY via Twenty20*

The lawmakers’ actions aren’t unfamiliar to many of us, I’m sure. Sometimes it’s so much easier to just ignore something that’s wrong, but more trouble to correct than to live with. To be honest, I’m doing that, myself, with a situation I know needs to be remedied, but I can’t figure out a way to do it without making a bunch of people angry, hurt, or put out. That can have dire consequences. Hmm. Yes, that’s just like the lawmakers’ dilemma.

I can tell those government representatives to just suck it up and not hand over the power to affect their courage to stand up for reason to the personality-cult members who voted for them. But then I’d need to tell myself to suck it up, too. I’m no better than they are. Probably a LOT of us give people who make a lot of noise and make life difficult the power to affect what we do.

Ya know, jerk, facial recognition software exists. You may experience…consequences.

But, we know what’s right. Perhaps the lawmakers are beginning to see that by treating a minority of loud and upset people with kid gloves, they are putting everyone else in danger, including themselves.

I just want to see some logical consequences start to occur. Jerks to jail, lawmakers remember why they were elected…reason. Civility. Back to dreaming.

Maybe. I don’t know. It’s a really confusing time.

There’s Always Some Gallows Humor

Well, kids, I had a panic attack and came home from work this afternoon. On my way, I said to myself, “Oh, in case there’s chaos on the streets, I better fill the car with gas.” I also washed it (Lee’s car was filthy). Just because your society is collapsing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep a clean vehicle.

Wait, here’s the humorous thing that came up this afternoon. My coworker and I were Zooming, attempting to do a work meeting. We stopped to watch Joe Biden give a good talk about how our country is about decency and the common good. I moved my laptop to where she could watch and listen to it with me. It felt good to not be alone.

In a split screen, the people occupying and vandalizing the US Capitol building were wandering around. A bunch of them had these yellow flags:

This is a thing I don’t think about often. But, that phrase rang a bell. Oh yes, my friend Donna in Master Naturalists wrote a little blog post about an encounter she had with a non-venomous water snake recently. It was, as always, sweet, because she is so kind to all natural life.

She did, though, title it Don’t Tread on Me. You know, a wry commentary on those historical flags and slogans, but applied to an actual snake.

Well, let me tell you that posts on that blog usually get between 10-20 hits. Imagine my surprise when I saw 189 hits to that post the day it was published and 42 the next day. I hadn’t figured out what caused that, though I had some idea that someone shared it for some obscure reason.

But, when I saw those flags, I realized that there were people out there searching for that phrase. I have a feeling they were disappointed.

I’m disappointed in a lot of people today. What a world, what a world.

Religion, Politics, Grievances

Not sure if this is a rant or what, but I’m experiencing some righteous indignation on behalf of some people I know, in person and online. It seems like folks are really, really bored right now, and I get that. It’s winter and many of us are pretty isolated.

BUT

Just because you’re bored and you have an opinion about someone’s beliefs or actions does NOT mean you are obligated to share it with the rest of the planet. More important, you don’t need to tell people how wrong all the things they think and do are. Really, you do not.

Yes, people we know do stuff that bothers us. And, I have nothing against talking about things people, in general, do that bother us. I do it, as you may have noticed, and am doing it now, as a matter of fact.

However, just because you have the TIME to send a long email, text, or IM to someone spelling out exactly how wrong their beliefs and opinions are, it doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it. Think about it.

If you are happy with the religious path you have taken, which after all is a personal religious path, would someone telling you how wrong it is do anything other than make you think less of that person. It certainly would not change your religious beliefs. That happens between you and your deity or deities. No one has a right to call your beliefs into question (even Scientologists, ha ha).

If you have expressed your personal thoughts on a personal platform (blog, Instagram, Facebook, etc.) about politics of your country, policies in your area, or issues that need to be addressed, that does not (or should not) open you up to diatribes, name calling, meanness, or threats. Sure, people can express disagreement or other points of view, but why be mean about it?

Does insulting someone or disparaging someone’s beliefs EVER EVER EVER get them to change their mind and see your brilliant point of view as correct? (Hint, the answer is, “no.”)

Suggested Alternatives to Giving People a Piece of Your Mind

If you get a strong urge to tell someone exactly what you think about their life choices or viewpoints, here are things you can do that don’t involve attacking them with your scathing words:

Donate money in their name to your favorite cause. That always feels good. I’ve done it!
Write the horribly misguided person a long letter by hand, on a piece of paper. Then stomp on it really hard to get your frustrations out, followed by violently wadding it up and throwing it in the trash.
Take a long walk around your property while muttering dark and foul thoughts about your target, until you get distracted by something naturally beautiful and you start feeling all sorts of oneness and your hostility dissipates (works for me).
Call your best friend and declare that it is time to vent. Rant and rave and complain your head off. The friend will say soothing things. Then you will agree that there’s no point in telling the wrong-thinking person off; they just won’t get it.
Wait until Festivus, then stand by your Festivus Pole and air your grievances. That will be okay, because it’s a holiday activity.*

By the way, it’s FESTIVUS! Let us air our grievances!

(*The article I link to above explains how Festivus is the perfect pandemic holiday and is pretty cute. Also, if you Google Festivus, there’s a Festivus pole in the margin! Hilarious!)

Do What You Can

I’m having a pity party about this damned pandemic. The germy people are everywhere and no matter how we try, there’s some random exposed person lurking around. I simply can’t hide in the house 24/7. It’s frustrating and scary.

That’s right, I’ve resorted to Snapchat filters to diffuse my ennui.

I complained on Facebook, and probably offended some super spreaders, but wow I see a lot of party photos and long trips being shared. But, everyone has to weigh pros and cons. I did, when I went to Utah.

The Good Stuff

Still, my heart is warmed by how people around me are doing what they can for others. I can’t share details, but our Hearts Homes and Hands team is making a real difference in someone’s life, and we’re seeing first hand how community support keeps people in need going. That’s holiday spirit.

Does this filter creep you out as much as it does me? Bye, Snapchat.

And my friends at MTOL have gotten together to help a woman and her dog. They will be safe now. No matter what our personal differences are, our board will stick together and work to help animals (and their people) in need. This kindness, creativity, and generosity is what gives me hope.

The fact that Big Red is still coming up for her daily ration also buoys my spirits.

So, though I know our business puts us at high risk and I get annoyed that people who could easily stay safe choose not to, I’ll do what I can and keep trying to be helpful. I will trust others to make decisions that are right for them and evaluate their own risks.

Being Alive = Excellent

Came close to being not alive or close, today. I had an excellent drive to Austin and enjoyed getting lots of work done. Then, Anita and I decided to go to Costco for her staples (especially toilet paper!), because it’s practically empty at 4 pm on a Tuesday.

I asked Anita to drive. I’d driven on wet roads and was tired. That was an excellent idea.

We were driving down scenic Far West Blvd., at normal speed, because the school zone was over. As we went through the intersection with Chimney Corners, where our eye doctor is, there was suddenly a black Suburban accelerating towards us, attempting to turn left into the space Anita’s Mazda was occupying.

You can see the driver had sped off, but got caught at the light.

There were other cars all around. I guess the dude was trying to thread a small gap and didn’t see us. Anita slammed on the brakes and veered left to avoid the giant vehicle.

Somehow, she managed to end up still on the road, without hitting the curb or any utility poles. And the vehicle behind us managed to not hit us from behind. Wow. Such skill.

The asshole just sped off, leaving a bunch of stunned other drivers. As we carefully made our way to the stoplight, the guy who had been behind us checked in us, asking if we were okay. Physically, yes! He had a matching Dallas Cowboys hat and mask, which cheered me up a bit.

Yet another Blogmas miracle, I guess.

I’m glad there was hardly anyone in the store and that we got a lot of toilet paper and paper towels. We came home and aren’t going anywhere else.

We got delicious banana nut bread from Ruth next door, too. I’m so grateful for friends and good drivers.

Getting Your Car Serviced — Worse Than the Doctor

Ugh, I screwed up. I made an appointment to get my car serviced, which it needs yearly. I assumed it would be like previous years. You drive up, a dude asks you if there’s anything wrong, you get a fancy rental car, and you leave.

Of course, I could buy some fancy wheels for the holidays.

I had stuff I was going to do. But nope. Everyone acted like I was interrupting whatever they had planned for the day. They had no idea who I was. Now, it’s true that the car is owned by our real estate business, for taxes I guess. But every other time they remembered me. No familiar employees.

Ah, there’s where they keep the hospitality.

They grudgingly led me to the lobby. Every single person I spoke to was wearing their mask incorrectly. Cute noses, folks. No wait, the young man who finally noticed I was there had his on right.

To top it off, I got all sad. They are building a giant condo between Donn’s Depot and El Arroyo, two of my favorite Austin places. Dang. They really ARE erasing the town.

I eventually got helped. But I was grumpy. I’m gonna make that rental car haul stuff from Lowe’s. So there.

Why I’m Staying in My Room

It’s my last full day in Utah, and I don’t have to work. You’d think I’d be going around seeing the sights, shopping, eating, etc. The ski area finally opened, so all those nice shops I’ve only been able to look in the windows of are open (with their ski resort prices, no doubt). But nope, I’m not going out today.

It would have been smart of me to take a video, but here are moving ski lifts.

I did take a walk yesterday, fairly late in the day. I just wanted to see what the place looked like when things were running. I got to see the ski lifts in action, with people actually riding on them.

ski people — Well-spaced people with skis and snowboards preparing to board ski lifts. Only parties who are together can share a lift.

There were actual skiers in their ski clothing. They sure look well protected with the boots, pants, jackets, hoods, goggles, and masks. Yep, I didn’t see one skier who wasn’t also wearing a mask.

These folks do not appear to be as well spaced.

The ski lift lines have markers for keeping people distant, and I’ve read they are limiting access to the mountains. That’s all good, I think. All the restaurants are limiting seating, but I predict the same thing that was happening downtown will happen here: people will line up for the restaurants in normal lines. That sort of defeats the social distancing purpose, right?

Something cheerful. People sledding. Note the distinct lack of snow. It’s supposed to be clear for quite a while.

After thinking about it and talking to Lee, I agreed to stay at the condo today, since I have a feeling the first Saturday of ski season will be crowded. Good thing I have that knitting project (and a lot of packing to do).

Masked people were putting these decorations together on Thursday, so I was glad to see them finished. It’s all real greenery. Tasteful.

So, it’s good to have seen the decorations, the activity, and the finished fire pit I watched getting built. But, I’ll be in my room.

There are lots of these benches that look like lift chairs now. This is the finished seating area, where they carefully put the rocks 6 feet apart. A friend points out that this is a lot of wasted gas and heat.

The good news is that I’ve been reading more and more about how planes are pretty darned safe. My main worry is being in crowded airports. On my way here, they were pretty empty. But it’s Thanksgiving week. I hadn’t thought of that when booking my trip. Going home last week would have been a better idea from that perspective, but things in Cameron are a bit of a mess, so it’s perhaps better that I stayed here. Sorry, I’m thinking aloud in my blog. I guess it’s allowed.

I’m going to ask anyone who’s reading this to take care around your friends and family right now. You don’t know where people have been and who they’ve been around. I know for certain that not all COVID deaths have been reported as such, which makes me think things may well be worse than they really are. And with so many people convinced they have a right to NOT take precautions, it really seems like a good idea to be careful. Sorry to be preachy, but I care about MY family, and I assume you care about yours.