Well. I’m dealing with some family drama in addition to the previous family drama, which of course I can’t blog about out of respect for people’s privacy. And my work drama continues to be dramatic. Let’s not get started about organizational drama.
I may well have!
So let me distract myself by pointing out what things well-meaning things people say can do to someone who’s overwhelmed and facing many deadlines. And soul crushing discoveries that make it hard to concentrate. Like good ole Suna.
Yes, I have been having a stressful time (and I’m not alone, so just stating a fact and not whining). The last thing I need is more pressure to do things.
That’s why it does me no good to tell me to take care of myself, not forget self care, or take some me time. Sounds good, but that just ADDS to the to-do list.
Brutal honesty!
How do I fit that in? I wonder. Perhaps by not blogging, ha ha. I swear I’m also watching HGTV.
I’ve been guilty of telling people to schedule time for themselves more than once. Now I see how it can backfire! So, let’s just give our over-scheduled and stressed friends a break, and try to help them rather than expect them to squeeze in those breaks.
Me.
Actually
I do have downtime coming. It will be good. Just gotta get there.
Let’s hope for good stuff for me, my family, and YOU!
Greetings from my sick room. I’ve been sleeping off the medication I got when my coworker Maggie guided me to the ER, because I got all disoriented and weird at my 10 am meeting.
Huh?
It just wasn’t a good morning. I was very happy to get to work without incident, because I was still exhausted from the weekend. I was almost to my exit when eek! A large piece of something…perhaps fiberboard, came out of the sky over the truck in front of me. No time to react, I just watched it smash down on the hood of my car. It then flew off, and I hope didn’t hit any other car!
I’m taking a day off from thinking about complicated issues and hard stuff, at least for the most part. I did do some brainstorming this afternoon with my friend Martha as a result of our spiritual life crises. That was good for us both!
I’m relaxing, too, says Vlassic.
It’s been a bit more relaxing than usual around here, so we’ve been hanging out with our precious canines. I’m relieved to say that they are all getting along really well. The worst behavior issue is that Vlassic has been avoiding the family room ever since Penney arrived and lashed out at him when he wanted to share a lap with her.
Vlassic is actually touching Penney. Harvey’s just watching the young ones tussle.
I think that’s getting better, though, because they have all been in my den on the couch playing away (I had intended to take a nap, but instead I took pictures of the smaller dogs all playing together indoors).
Sorry to leave y’all hanging yesterday after my big discourse on organized religion yesterday. I do have a good excuse: we had no internet or phone service most of the day, so while I wrote a lot about things I did, they got lost uploading.
My colleagues and I visited an animal shelter in Bryan yesterday. Too bad that post is gone.
I’ll get to all that eventually. No internet is just a minor woe! And I was actually too busy doing stuff to write about it.
Cathy and I being shocked that it cooled off just before game time and it was pleasant!
It was darned good to get back to high school football again, though. Cathy and I sat in our usual seats with our usual neighbors and got through a typical up and down Cameron Yoe game. They let the other team run back and forth with impunity a few times, but settled in, and we got to see some beautiful passes and runs.
Also, the band was really good for their first time marching their show. The poor other band stood there and read from their music. The drum majors didn’t even conduct. I guess it’s a rebuilding year for them.
The directions sign is rather reflective. I think you can see me and the Baptist Church better than the sign.
Today I spent all morning making signs so people can find our offices and events, because we’ve had some trouble. The Hermit Haus Redevelopment blog spells that out. I also helped a little with baby shower prep at the office.
Extremely cute baby shower decor by Melissa.
But, I have some peachy new nails that match the ginger dog nicely, and I’m happy to report Vlassic’s lump is a lot smaller.
Penney nicely offsets my orange-to-yellow sparkling nails. Yes, they glow.
Last Thing
I’d like to sincerely thank those of you who’ve posted insightful and supportive comments here or on Facebook for the past few days. I feel less alone. I guess all the people I pissed off defriended me, so all I have left are supportive people who are willing to discuss things without name-calling. I’m happy with that!
FIRST: To all my long-time church friends. Don’t panic. You are still my friends and will always be. And to the current and former ministers at the church I’ve been a member of, it’s not you. You have my deepest respect and admiration.
That said, in the back of my mind, I’ve been thinking about my membership in an organized religion for the past twenty-something years. It’s clear to me that I did it for reasons that had nothing to do with the institution itself: I just wanted to meet some people with values similar to mine and to have a chance to sing with others.
Thank goodness I did yoga today.
I had not made friends in my neighborhood (only ever made a few), and my work was online, so I couldn’t make work friends. A church seemed like a good idea, and a church that would accept me as I am and give my children a foundation from which to create their spiritual paths.
I joined a Unitarian Universalist congregation, where I made some wonderful friends and enjoyed a close-knit community for many years. When the church changed focus from building community to growth, I still had my friends and the music we performed to serve my needs. I also enjoyed women’s conferences and other activities.
I enjoyed the traditions and rituals in the weekly services, too, and I learned a lot from the sermons. I also liked how sermons seemed educational and disagreement was welcomed. I didn’t feel like I was being told to toe some denominational line or being put down for having a different perspective. That was good.
Change is inevitable
People change and institutions change. There were a couple of upheavals in the church, but we got through them. I was really surprised at how much I grew personally from these challenges. I handled change! Scary change!
Change is scary! It’s often good! It can be hard.
But some of the change I’ve seen in the church and its parent denomination have made me feel less and less comfortable. And for that reason, I don’t think I want to be a UU anymore.
Lack of forgiveness: Leaders in the church keep getting removed from positions for mistakes that seem totally human to me. Someone said something “politically incorrect,” or they made a mistake when they were younger and less wise, or in some way they just weren’t living up to expectations of “wokeness.”
Rather than working with people to make amends; allowing them to learn from mistakes, apologize, and move forward; or look into how an error occurred and not do it again…people just get forced to leave. And people get shunned for not being perfect.
It’s the “me-too” movement taken to other areas. If you screw up and someone points it out, you should go into your corner or cave and stay there.
Intolerance: More and more, I see denomination and church members conveying an intolerant attitude towards people who have a different point of view, a different perspective, or unique experiences that might lead to conclusions that are different from what’s being promoted by the leadership. That reminds me way too much of the kinds of spiritual communities I’ve avoided my whole life (prescriptive, more uniform traditions are fine if that is what makes you comfortable; it’s just not for me). I see lip service for supporting diversity of thought and expression, but in practice I see a LOT of pressure to conform to whatever’s currently en vogue.
[Unpopular aside alert: It sometimes even seems that, if you are white and straight, you start out with so much negative baggage and un-earned privileges that nothing you say or do will make your input worth including. Wow. Even if I think I believe in reincarnation, I don’t think I chose to be a white straight woman (European-American cis-gender I mean). I was just born this way. I might actually care about people who aren’t like me and want to help make the world a safer and more welcoming place for them.]
Ageism: And this one’s the straw that breaks this old camel’s back. I know it is very important to mainstream denominations in the US to attract youth and young families. They don’t want to die! (I understand that from the first-hand experience with the church we bought because there were no new people joining the congregation.)
I also enthusiastically embrace the inclusion of new perspectives, new voices, and new energy into all institutions. They bring welcome change and help us see where we’re bogged down from always looking at our communities and institutions in the same way. Like I said yesterday, I learn so much from people who are growing up today.
But, both the larger UU Association and the church I have been associated with have been (both subtly and occasionally overtly) pushing aside or putting down input from older church members. And I’m not just talking about recent events. I once said a program didn’t really meet the needs of me and my friends, and I was told that well, the church isn’t looking to please the long-time members.
Individuals have also given me an uncomfortable feeling about being my age in the church. My generations experiences with racism, sexism, homophobia and other issues are put aside as no longer relevant. That’s really hurtful, especially when I consider how much I learned from feminists and equal-rights activists of the generation before me!
A fond (I mean it) farewell
I’d been thinking of starting a satellite church in Cameron, but I really don’t think the lack of acceptance of people who think differently would go over well there.
I mean it.
So, I think I’ll go back to being a solo practitioner of my own brand of crazy pacifist/neo-pagan/Buddhist/gnostic mish-mash and leave institutional religion to people for whom it works. At this stage in my life, I want to focus on areas where my input is appreciated, my propensity to make mistakes tolerated, and my imperfect ways of supporting and allying with others are welcomed.
I’m just going through a phase where I’m tired of having to prove I’m good enough to be in the same room with UUs. I still support people who get their needs met by UUism or other such things. I’m just outa here.
PS: I’m not wanting to be convinced my perceptions are wrong or to be told not to feel how I feel. I get to have my feelings. That said, you get to have YOURS, too, and you are welcome to share them. I also get to perceive events the way I perceive them; yours may differ. I won’t judge you.
You may recall that we started putting our wine cellar/shoe closet together a couple of weeks ago. Since then, the office area has been in a bit of disarray with lots and lots of bottles stashed here and there, plus pieces of IKEA furniture.
Masterfully installing a door.
So, yesterday, since I had to leave work early, I invited my strapping son, Declan, to drop by and pick up his next batch of treasures that I unpacked from the garage (lots of vintage albums and some 45s). While he and Riley were here, he was also kind enough to help me put the cabinet together properly. It helps, I think, to invite a non-drinker over to your furniture-building events.
Light shines from my son’s head as he expresses pride in his work.
I did assist by un-doing some of the things that we’d done haphazardly before, when we didn’t have all the parts, but Declan jumped right in there and started assembling like a pro. Wow, I gave birth to an assembler! He even got the fancy doors on the cabinets to do their fancy thing.
Yesterday I wrote about all the letters I received in the late 70s and early 80s. I guess I was a better correspondent back then. Probably writing a letter was a great way to procrastinate all the reading I had to do during my endless years of higher education, because the minute I got out of grad school, the productivity ended.
For a while I would write Christmas letters and send cards, especially when my kids were little. And I did always write long letters to the kids’ grandmother in Ireland, since it was too expensive to phone them.
If I don’t mail things from now on, Angry Supergirl will glare at me. Actually, she’s glaring at me now, because I left her in a box for over a year.
But wow, I stink at mailing things to people these days, or at least I did for a decade or more.
Why do people keep their old love letters, breakup letters, heartbreaking letters…? Heck if I know. To be honest, I didn’t realize I was one of those letter-saving people until tonight.
Oh look, more boxes.
Anita and I were doing our weekly box opening, when we found a box of a variety of personal treasures. I found Lee’s first novel. I found some cards from my children. I found this box, all sealed up.
A very nondescript box.
I did not recognize it. It was just a box. Anita said it was a treasure, so I came to look. I opened it and thought, huh, letters. They must be from my mom and grandmother, because no one ever wrote me.
Today I had lots of time to work on my blogs. However, my darn keyboard decided to stop working a couple of days ago. That means I have to type on my laptop which is nowhere near my actual screen. I cannot blog this way.
The “n” key has been broken for months. But I liked this keyboard.
I ordered a new keyboard on Tuesday. It was scheduled to come yesterday. I waited and waited and waited and visited the poor receptionist many, many times. But no keyboard.
I left for home around 10 minutes until 5 PM. Would you like to guess what time the keyboard arrived? That would be 4:52 PM. I’m annoyed.
I, too, say GRRR about lots of stuff.
I am shaking my fist once again. But this time, Elizabeth Warren is doing it for me. She’s coming to work with me today, because Jen asked me to bring her. She will join Ruth Bader Ginsburg in being annoyed at all the stuff.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post that I dictated on the phone. That was an interesting experiment. Now I really DO write just like I talk.
First off, let me admit that I’m in a more fragile and sensitive state than usual, so things I might usually brush off as, “Oh, that’s just Person X being person X,” are hitting a raw nerve today. And as we noted with Vlassic last week, hitting a nerve can cause pain and involuntary reactions. Ow!
At first I was thinking that I was just bugged by stuff on Facebook, but then I spot the annoyances popping up in LinkedIn articles, Tweets (naturally, and why am I reading Twitter when I’m feeling overwhelmed?), and even in face-to-face interactions.
It happens all the time, and is one of those habits I started noticing when I had small children and was practicing very hard to adhere to the directive to:
Give information, not advice
La Leche League
The idea was that people don’t react well when told what to do and what to think about any topic (breastfeeding being a great example). My training also reminded me over and over again not to give out advice if I wasn’t asked for it. In other words, if someone parents differently from me, that’s their right, and it may well be working out just fine for them.
The Hermits' Rest 