daily life – Page 18 – The Hermits' Rest

Creatures of Habit, Bovine Edition

Now that my exciting software training/tech writing career has ended, I find myself bereft of a mission. I always have a project I’m working on to support users, but I’m out of those. I’m a creature of habit, so I feel compelled to find a project. But is it really a good idea to keep the projects coming?

Believe it or not, watching the cattle in the wooded area next to our house gave me an aha moment. Here’s what happened.

Lee and I went to Lowe’s to get some simple vegetables to put in his raised bed. We also bought two flowering trees, a peach and a pear (nope, not native, but, hey, they are Lee’s trees). When we got home, he drove the Gladiator over to the planting area and proceeded to plant.

Finished planting. Mostly herbs and peppers v

At one point, he booped his keys on the tailgate and that made the horn beep. If you’re rural, you’ll know what’s coming. A truck, something that looks like a feed trough, and a honking horn evokes the food urge in those neighboring creatures of habit, the cattle.

At first just a few adorable calves appeared. One in particular really enjoyed playing with Carlton and Penney. We were charmed.

I went off to feed the equine creatures of habit, who nicely line up in their pens for dinner and tolerate my insistence on grooming them in the late afternoon. Everyone, even Fiona, is now looking good, except around poor Droodles’s head. But I’m getting there!

By the time I came back, all the cattle were crowded against our fence, waiting for us to feed them. Carlton and Alfred valiantly worked to protect us, which really peeved a couple of huge mama cows and the bull. There was quite a cacophony.

The poor dogs got so tired that each of the white dogs went in the swimming pool to cool off.

It took sooo long for the cattle to move back into the pasture, probably because the real food truck appeared.

We will just wait until night if we have to. Moo.

It dawned on me that doing the same thing every time a circumstance looks familiar can lead to disappointment. The cattle didn’t notice that the Gladiator doesn’t usually feed them, or that the “trough” was full of plants. Poor dears.

We aren’t known for our massive intellects.

I need to realize that I don’t need to go find a significant writing project immediately. I’m starting something new, not the usual transition from resting training material in one application or another. I can do something different. There is time to figure out what the next new and fascinating thing will be.

In the meantime, I’m working on collecting some writing and putting it on my Substack, which you can go follow. Eventually, as soon as I let my thoughts come together in new ways, there will be more on Substack than new and recycled blog content about animals and birds.

Who knows? Once I break my habit I could turn interesting!

Why Not End on a Professional Note?

Everything’s going okay on the career wind-down front as well as here at the Hermits’ Rest. However, I experienced something curious today in my final meeting with my coworkers. They expressed surprise that I’d finished a project I’d been working on, and that I was interested in fixing the SharePoint site up and tying up loose ends. I said, “There’s no harm in finishing things up with some professionalism, is there?”

cattle — No bull, I meant it. (That IS a bull on the right)

The project lead said she wished she saw more of that in the people that aren’t leaving, and we all laughed. Honestly, it isn’t their fault the expense cuts had to be made, and I know they are not going to have fun integrating what I was doing with the huge project they are trying to work on. Why not be helpful and help them until I can’t help anymore?

woman holding a feather — Sometimes I do wish I had the option to just fly away. (The feather was replaced where I found it; I know the rules about messing around with migratory bird feathers.)

Later I was thinking back on a couple of other jobs that ended before I was ready for them to end. I especially remember my time at the nonprofit organization, when I was trying to hold my team together while a huge rift was occurring among members. Then, in April, I was informed that my job was being eliminated as of June 1. Two months was a long time to be a lame duck employee, but we were doing a lot of online activities to support mothers and babies, and we needed to keep it coordinated. I could have just stopped, walked away, and told the organization to go screw themselves.

But, nope, I organized volunteers, worked on a transition, and tried to keep people’s spirits up. It was all for naught, but I felt a responsibility to try. And I got life-long friends out of the deal!

The job I had before this one was similar. I could see that things were changing and that I’d take the brunt of it, so I focused my last six months on getting my team supported and not having to do work they weren’t suited for. Once that was done, I was more than happy to go. I guess I just want to finish things up and support team members, even when there’s no one to support me in my work. What does that say about me? I’m a sap? I care about my coworkers? I’m professional?

I don’t know. I think what it really means is that I value people over large corporations and bickering nonprofits. That may be a positive or negative; it just is, I guess!

(PS: someday I’ll tell you about the time I DID just walk out on a job.)

In other news, I’ve been enjoying the new weather station Lee got me for my birthday. It’s much nicer than the previous one and can store data. I’ll still need to get my official rain amounts from the CoCoRaHS gauge, though. That’s the only one that counts in weather official-dom.

Lee also bought a steel raised bed that he wants to grow “things” in. It’s not going to exactly feed us for the next year, but it will give me a project to watch over during my non-working time…as if I need more projects around here.

Onward and upward until there’s a need to be professional again.

Keeping Up the Hard Work

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.

That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.

To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.

Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.

Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.

I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.

The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.

We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!

No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!

Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.

And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.

In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.

Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.

PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.

Let’s Pivot with Cautious Optimism

All the ideas I got from reflecting on my tarot reading last night swirled around me today. With the nudge I got that maybe I CAN get through these times and help others if I do what it takes to keep me centered, I decided to up my grounding ante.

I got enough time in today to enjoy nature, meditate well, and really see the big picture of what I’m surrounded by—the natural world and its order. Not always peaceful or perfect, but adapting as things change. Thanks, birds and clouds!

The clouds and sunset were gorgeous today.

After all the warmth and grounding I got from Apache and Dusty yesterday, I decided Mabel from the Stable needed a turn. She’d been looking at me with kindness and interest lately.

So, after Apache did his workout, I haltered Mabel, which is her least good skill, and gave her some extra alfalfa while I groomed and de-burred her. Neither was easy. She had mud dried into clay on her coat, which even with my nails I couldn’t completely eliminate. And while her tail is a breeze to get smooth, her mane is another story. For one thing, it’s way up there. She’s a tall Thoroughbred-style mama. And it’s very fine. But I did it, and noted that she was pretty patient.

As her “reward” I took her on a walk, and just for fun, did some longe-line work in the round pen. She was fine, other than getting a little excited toward the end. Her ears were always forward and she stayed focused. I got her to back up and side pass a bit. Well.

That was a lot more fun than working with Drew has been lately. I think we will pivot and play with Mabel while Drew gets a break and maybe finds a home with someone who can work with him the way he needs. If not, he may be the pasture ornament for a while. An expensive one. But I still love him! He’s just too much for my skill set.

I’d look much better without the burs. Yes, I’ll working on him tomorrow.

On the other hand, I feel very calm and centered working with the other three, so that’s good!

Another bucolic scene of nature and peace, brought to you by our back pond.

Doing Something about It

The Universe has spoken. I’m on the right path for right now, and I’m reaping the rewards. Now I need to be an example for others. I’ll explain.

But first, look, I made a thing. It’s a small bag to hang on a hook next to where I sit in the RV. It will hold my nail file, pencils, and scissors. Not having an end table is a pain.*

I’m feeling somewhat better now that I can be outside more. I was even able to work in the porch today. No wonder I was able to hear 50 birds today.

My view was these two cows. One was not feeling well and the other stayed with her, licking her until they napped.

And more horse time has also helped. Lee put out more hay today, and while everyone else wanted to get into the hay, Dusty just hung around with me and let me remove burs. So when Lee was done, I gave Dusty a bonus meal and a grooming session. That helped, because he’s shedding even more than Apache. We even took a nice walk around the obstacles. He liked that. Much hugging was involved.

He’s looking good for his advanced age, just thin.

After I was finished working I fed everyone and took Apache out on a ride. He’s getting so much better at home. We had fun, and he genuinely seemed to enjoy hanging out with me. More hugging occurred.

I ended up taking lots of horse and donkey photos after trying to de-bur Fiona. I only got partway through. My hands hurt.

I know all those bird observing and horse hugging is good, because I went to a tarot group meeting this evening on Zoom. I appreciated the invitation, because I’d been wanting to get back to more readings, but didn’t want to get a scary one all alone. We did a five-card spread and each did our own analysis.

It may look depressing, but it made sense.

I won’t go into what each position was for, since the spread was just for this group. The gist of my interpretation is that I’m one broken-hearted wise woman who needs to turn away from what makes her sad and go meditate or whatever. As usual, the cards back up what I’m trying to do! The Emperor tells me I’m on a path of leadership, and that’s a nudge to go be a good example more. I’ll heed that advice and go do something: be a more vocal proponent of peace and universal love.

Anyway, that was a different and fun day!

*there is no pattern for this. It’s got a single crochet base and double crochet sides using two strands of Dishie cotton yarn. I seamed the center with slip stitches and added a handle 5 stitches wide. I put this here because I know people always want patterns, but this was just a utilitarian object.

I Annoyed the Horses

I am feeling a bit better today, probably because after a misty morning, we had a beautiful day to enjoy.

After work, I went out to sit outside, but something caught my eye. I saw four horses and a donkey in front of the house, where the unmown grass is. Horse heaven.

I figured they’d finally noticed their fence along the driveway had only one strand of wire and it had mostly broken fence poles or whatever you call them. So I took out some new posts conveniently located in the garage, (ah, yes, we call them posts) and found a random piece of wire I could use to repair the broken wire-attachy-thing. This is not a permanent fix, because it’s a temporary fence and the original plastic posts are deteriorating. But it looks better.

The orange things are new and I “repaired” yellow the top attaching hook.

I got it all fixed, then as I was walking back I surmised that the horses (most likely Apache) had opened their gate to get out. I thought I must not have done as many tricky chain things as were needed to thwart him yesterday. I was all fine with that, since I knew they would come back in for dinner, and that field has some nice older grass for them.

There were little flowers to distract me, too. This is crow poison.

I went over to the bird-watching chair to write down what Merlin heard during my fence repairing (Purple Martin and Lark Sparrow were highlights). When I took a refreshing swig of my fancy soda I found in Kathleen’s refrigerator, i discovered something non-liquid and buzzy in it. I sure spat that bee out fast!

About 20 minutes later, I hit ANOTHER bee, got more drink all over myself, and gave up my reverie.

I lured the horses out of the grassy field with some food, which rude Drew tried to knock me over for until Apache pushed him away and escorted me to the pens. What a gentleman. As a reward, Apache got all cleaned up before his daily workout. Burs. Yuck.

Two old friends. I’m grateful for these two.

After the other horses were finished eating every morsel in every dish, I noticed some teamwork going on. Drew and Mabel marched right up to where the broken fence was, ready to head back to the grass. The new fencing didn’t please them at all. I realized they had indeed broken out and also opened the gate!

They went all the way down to the pond, testing for weak areas. They even pushed a bit. Whew, the fence held. Disgusted, they fetched Dusty for help.

Then I just had to laugh. It’s like Dusty told them to chill out, and the three of them took a nap. They really had eaten a lot!

I’ll probably find them out again tomorrow, but we closed the gate and the guy that is fixing Seneca the motorhome knows how to use it. Yes, all the yearly service is done and some things are fixed! There’s just a water issue to remaining to take care of. The cold was not kind to any of our couplings, it appears. But that’s for tomorrow. I hope I don’t have to disappoint the horses again.

Consequences of the Cold

The recent cold spell has taken a lot out of me. Combined with mourning from losing Goldie and being sad that the Red House on Fannin got rented out, I’ve been not much fun. I’m glad we will get income from the house, but it was fun fixing it up to be the Airbnb. Another failed enterprise. We’re racking them up.

In good news, I unpacked these pretty things from boxes we’d stored at the Red House.

I’m not going to be a part of any more joint ventures with friends and family from now on. Hold me to that. I really stink at such things, and sitting inside in the cold gave me too much time to dwell on past mistakes, knowing perfectly well that beating myself up over past errors and regrets in judgement is not productive. Learn from mistakes and move on, I’ve been repeating that.

I also found my really good bowls and gave away many things to my son and his coworkers. That felt good.

The cold was hard on the birds I usually hang out with, too. For two days in a row I only observed a few birds on Merlin. Yesterday, it saddened me to find one of the male Barn Swallow scouts had died on the porch. I put it safely to rest and then washed my hands a lot in case he had bird flu.

The chickens and Connie made it through the cold snap by staying in their house. They didn’t stop laying eggs, though. Today they were back to normal outdoor activities and Connie finally laid a big ole turkey egg. Here it is compared to her first egg (I saved it).

Today it finally warmed up and I was able to spend my usual amount of time outside. It made a big difference, since I started the day really dragging and ended up with stories to tell Lee.

All the chairs now have cushions, making for good patio time.

I was able to pull some burs off the equines and do more than stick food under their noses and flee. That pleased everyone but Drew, who just isn’t in a good space.

Since I was out a lot, I got to hear and see fun bird action. The Barred Owl was hooting much of the day, which is always fun. There were ducks flying around, too, at least three kinds. Of course, the sparrows, chickadees, and Cardinals entertained a lot. They all seemed glad it warmed up.

I was walking along the fence line listening to a Red-tailed Hawk making some of its weird calls when something white bounced off my head. I looked up to see all the mistletoe above me was full of round, white berries.

Did one just fall on me? No. It quickly became obvious that one of the Mockingbirds had dropped it. It hopped over to the fence then into the bush next to me, scolding me with mistletoe still in its beak. I understood that I was on his territory (must be a male, because he’d been singing earlier) and retreated with a smile on my face.

Hooray. I need my bird observation and horse time to keep me out of my funks and remind me about that living in the moment thing I’m supposed to be aiming for. Darn those polar vortexes.

I’m Ashamed to Admit This

What is your favorite drink?

It’s my biggest vice, because it has no health benefits at all and still I drink it almost every day. It’s Coke Zero. I love it. I allow myself no more than one can a day, I promise.

My other favorite non-alcoholic beverages have at least some positive aspects. I also drink coffee daily, Folgers Colombian. I like it with milk. Most of the time I use creamer, though (another useless beverage). I tried to be a fancy coffee person but I just like what I like. I’ll drink most anything and enjoy trying new flavors and the occasional espresso.

My favorite healthy beverage is mango juice or limeade. Both tend to be so sweet, though.

I do drink alcohol, though I’ve cut down a lot. I like all kinds of wine, amber beer (Negra Modela), and bourbon. A bourbon Old Fashioned makes me very happy. Just one.

I had many Old Fashioned photos to choose from on my camera

I love food prepared simply and don’t snack much unless someone brings Doritos in the house (not much going for them, other than corn and some cheese). I guess since I eat pretty well, get a good amount of exercise, and am at a good weight for me, I can have one shameful beverage a day.

Alfred is back to sleeping on his outdoor couch now that it’s above 20° outside.

These days, we should find joy wherever we can. My Columbian coffee might not be available soon, so I’ll enjoy it along with that Coke Zero.

Back to Deep Thoughts tomorrow.

This Thing Called Life

Dearly beloved…and I’ll end my Prince quote here. I’ve been thinking about life, whatever it is, exactly. What a privilege it is to interact with our environment in these bodies, with these senses, hormones, and sentience.

These colors are incredible, even if we don’t all see the same.

Whatever it means to be alive is a mystery, which we humans have come up with many ideologies, myths, belief systems, and science to try to explain. I’m one of those humans who think there is something we can’t perceive or comprehend that keeps our illusion of life, time, physics, and all that together. I’m not even sure that all life perceives the same things, not even individuals of the same species.

That’s right. No two calves are alike, either.

So, here we all are wandering around perceiving and judging, harboring the illusion that everyone else is living in the same “world” that we are. I contend that we’re wrong about that. I’m not positive that even folks we agree with are perceiving what we think we are.

I perceive this to be a Mockingbird. But that’s just me.

It’s no wonder, then, that we keep hearing the same things said about members of our fractured culture in opposing “sides.” And they are sincerely baffled about why those “sheep” have “drunk the Kool Aid” and need to “wake up.”

Depending on how your brain chemistry is set up, you might see liberals, conservatives, Marxists, Greens, or Libertarians as making sense and everyone else is an idiot. Or worse. I’m so tired of this shit and how it’s affecting all life on this planet.

Perhaps this is why Lee dragged me out of the house to enjoy a burger and a flight of wine (and Brussels sprouts).

It’s making it harder and harder to keep placing one foot in front of the other and appreciate this amazing gift of LIFE, even though I’m going along with the Buddha in positing it’s an illusion.

The big illusion that I, and many of my generation, allowed ourselves to believe was that history was arcing toward peace, equality, and freedom to be and believe however we see fit and that we were all working towards these goals. I was pretty wrong about that!

But nonetheless, life is precious and I want to appreciate the opportunity to live as long as I’m allowed to. In this life I’m going to love deeply, cherish the planet and its inhabitants, and learn as much as I can, even though it may be unpleasant much of the time.

Hey, sometimes there’s humor! Like a cyber truck actually being used as a truck.

Mostly, I will accept with grace that a good portion of the people I share the world with want me eliminated. Yeah. People in my town who carry cards saying “Spay or Neuter Your Democrat” or post signs in their yard saying they have PTSD: Pretty Tired of Stupid Democrats.

You can get the shirt on Amazon. But don’t, for many reasons (and I’m sure there are offensive shirts with opposing views; this is an example.)

Stuff like that is why I do not intend to engage in tit for tat with these folks. We live in different worlds, and they live in different worlds from many people of similar ideologies.

I’m glad some of our worlds overlap a bit. Not everyone who voted differently from you or practices a different religion is an extremist. So many of us just want to have an enjoyable life. Somehow.

Farewell to Our Dear Friend

You may have heard that Goldie left this world today, about five months after her osteosarcoma ordeal began. The good news is that she didn’t really slow down until this week, and only got really bad today, not eating, having trouble standing, etc.

The three of us here at the ranch worked together to give Goldie a good last day. after many calls, the guys found a vet who would come here so she didn’t have to be hauled in and out of cars. I sat with her for the last hour before the vet arrived, with her head on my lap or in my arms. It was very peaceful and loving.

It was important to me that she have peace. I have had too many traumatic dog passings. I don’t want more if it can be helped. We knew this was coming, so we could prepare.

Describing what a special dog Goldie was is difficult. People say all Great Danes are sweet dogs. That may be so, but this one felt like a friend, a confidant, and a guardian all rolled into one.

She was a Mighty Huntress of skunks and armadillos, she was a goofy dinosaur head when she got excited, her tail was a danger to men of a certain height, and she looked at you with those golden eyes, so full of love…