community – Page 12 – The Hermits' Rest

Success and Failure: Two Sunday Projects

This morning I set out to see how the flowers and insects are doing here at the Hermits’ Rest. I needed some Nature Time and wanted to see if I could locate and dwarf blue-eyed grass, winecups, or Texas baby blue eyes. I knew they should be up by now.

At first I just found old friends and tiny wasps.

I enjoyed walking on our property all the way to the creek and back. The bluebonnets and paintbrush plants are going to seed, but there’s lots of other plants to see.

It seemed like almost every flower had an insect or two getting nectar or pollen (or eating it). It was a lot of fun to observe and later to try to identify what I saw.

I was interested in seeing what’s new, and sure enough, I eventually found all the plants I sought. The little blue eyed grass was easy to find along the driveway, now that it’s dried up a little.

Winecups were hiding in my horse playground, but a new patch appeared near the chicken house. This flower also hosted many insects.

The Texas baby blue eyes were harder to find, since my old patch got plowed over last year. But, when I was gazing at the far end of Walker’s Creek, I looked on the shore, and there they were. Later I finally saw some in our woods. I love these flowers, because they were my introduction to Texas wildflowers when I saw them at McKinney Falls State Park the first spring I was here.

I was happy I found the flowers I wanted. There were also SO many butterflies, many of which I photographed. Not shown are the variegated fritillary, spicewood swallowtail, and tiny sulphur.

I found a lot of new or interesting bugs and plants, especially when I took my friends Anita and Martha out to look at plants while Easter dinner was cooking. Here are highlights.

It really was a great plant day, and I really enjoyed sharing observations with friends. I left my phone in the car when I went over to Sara’s to get some leafy greens, but we had the best time just observing the flowers and insects in the pasture next to her house. There was so much clover in the field that we stood there blissfully inhaling its spicy scent. Ahh.

I made the pak choi she gave me into a delicious side dish (mostly Kathleen did it), so that was FRESH.

Anyway, the time with friends was so nice, as the afternoon sun made the people, the dogs, and the flowers grow.

So, What’s the Failure?

Well…I had this nutty idea that I was going to ride the horses today, or else! I guess “else” ensued.

First I got my precious boy, Droodles. I quickly realized that he resembled a chocolate-covered Easter treat. There was a dried layer of clay mud over much of his surface area.

It had dried to where it could be future pottery.

I figured I’d just curry comb it out. Nope. I did get a lot off but I could tell it hurt him and was pulling out hair. I tried to get mud out of his tail, and hairs broke off. Oops. I realized I would not be saddling him. So I rinsed him off, but he was not thrilled. At least much mud got out of his mane and tail.

So, Plan B was to at least do some ground work. We did get some done, but when he slipped hard jumping, I ended that. I sure didn’t need to get him hurt. So he went into a pen to await his food. What did he immediately do? He rolled. At least it was in dry dirt.

Nope. Not gonna groom that quite yet, either.

I tried to get Apache in to groom, but after nearly hurting myself and losing both shoes in the mud, I gave up. I didn’t want me (myself?) or a horse hurt. Better miss your project goal than injure humans or livestock!

I enjoyed my grass on the eroded pond dirt.

At least dinner was good. Rice cooker jambalaya to feed seven! And the pak choi in sesame oil, plus a great salad from Martha and Chardonnay from Anita. I think the men liked it! No time for photos, because we ate it!

What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do?

I don’t know what to do or say or think about the divided society I live in. I’ve been trying to hold it together and feeling isolated and more and more defeated. I had such bad nightmares last night that I knocked a glass of water over. What a mess. Things are a mess.

Hint about why I’m sad. I love children.

I know I’m not alone. I am grateful for a supportive network of friends. I’m grateful for people with different perspectives who are willing to talk to me. But there’s so little I can do to help make a safer society (where we don’t worry about all the things we’re concerned about from all sides). The Texas Legislature has no interest in my thoughts. I’m not a huge lobby.

I think all the people I know feel powerless, like someone else is making decisions. We just blame different factions. Everyone is frustrated. The world feels like a scary pile of poop. I can’t change that. Even venting among friends only goes so far.

I wish I could just be a bird, or a scarlet pimpernel.

So, I clean things. Poopy things. Thankfully, a vacuum cleaner for the RV arrived. I took out my frustrations on mouse turds. (And dirt; there were only a few turds.)

That helped. But I needed to clean more. So I shoveled all the horse poop out of the trailer. I hope that doesn’t make me sick. It did involve hay, after all.

I didn’t have to clean the shed. Someone had already weed-eated what the horses had missed. My tack room helps me feel better.

I wasn’t done cleaning. The tack room doesn’t have much of a mouse problem right now, but there are “fly specks” on my stuff. Or were. I cleaned all that, too. Then I got out my good old buddy the label maker!

I have some new horse supplements and will need feeding help soon, so new labels had to be made. I felt so organized and productive. And I’m control. At least I can control my dang horse stuff, and I even feel safe in my little room.

I actually do feel a little better just by making my little part of the world cleaner and happier. And I guess that’s the lesson I needed to remind myself of. I can do what I can do. I can clean things (no wonder I like grooming the horses).

These guys helped by picking up hoof trimmings.

And now I can think about ways to help others. I’ve send some funds to recent tornado victims. I can contribute to organizations I agree with, and I CAN contact elected officials and remind them they’re human and are supposed to serve humans, not institutions. I guess.

Rolling Home Improvements – No Bull!

My family likes to renovate homes. You may already know that! We’re low on actual homes, so it became time to renovate the rolling home, Seneca the Motorhome. Lee had a plan to make himself a rolling home office.

We hardly ever use the dinette that converts to a bed fit only for children. So, the men of the house got to work. It wasn’t too hard to get anything out except the seat belts. Those were in really well, which was a good thing when I was riding in there.

They unbolted the dining table and put it up the correct height to be a desk. They had to put it next to the couch, because that’s where electrical outlets are. I think it’s a good spot.

I like that you can more easily get to the bathroom when the slide outs are closed. And a person could watch television and work, as long as that person isn’t Lee. He needs to concentrate. He’s ordered a desk chair that will look good, and there will be tie-downs to keep the chair secure when we’re on the road.

I ordered a nice little vacuum cleaner for all the past and no doubt future mouse turds. It didn’t help that dog food was lodged under the dinette! All in all, I’m looking forward to our next outing.

The Bull Part

This started my day off right Sunday. I headed out to feed the chickens and check on the horses and noticed the horses were all near the pens, not out grazing. They do that sometimes, so it wasn’t a big deal. Then I realized something was amiss.

Hmm. Droodles and Apache were in the bull’s pasture and Haggard was relaxing in a horse pen. Interesting.

I was briefly concerned that I wouldn’t be able to set them back to not, but as the photo hints, the horses came back to be petted as soon as they saw me. Then Haggard just got up and sauntered back where he belonged.

Fiona wouldn’t come back, so she was stuck on the other side once I re-shut the gate (which some equine must have opened). By the time I came back to ride horses, she was braying to come back. No bull!

In Conclusion

It was just a nice day yesterday. It ended with a big family dinner including the whole gang, for once. Vlassic enjoyed that we were all outside a lot. It was too nice to stay inside! We Texans treasure pleasant weather whenever it shows up.

Martha and Vlassic had a lot of catching up to do.

A Night of Pride and Joy

Yesterday made up for a lot of struggle and hard work for many in my family and community. Cameron held its Spring Festival, and everyone got to relax and let our hair down a bit. We even got to have Kathleen join us, which made us all happy. I’m so glad she got a break from taking care of things in Yorktown!

It was so nice to hang out together again! And have margaritas from the local winery trailer.

There’s a lot to be proud of here. The Railfan team has nearly finished another two spaces that will eventually be local businesses, and the antique shop was all set up and looking great last night (I forgot to take photos of that, darn it).

Look at those floors! And us having fun.

We really enjoyed the new “annex” space last night. The new sliding doors open up so it’s like you’re outdoors. It was an incredibly comfortable place to relax, laugh, listen to music, and enjoy pizza and crawfish (separately).

The highlight of the night, though, was a very special event. The musicians paused, and Melanie Reed from the Chamber of Commerce called Chris, Mike, Kim, and Dylan up to the stage (they would have also called my kid up, if he’d been there). They had a special presentation for our extra-talented nephew to thank him for all the hard work and creative vision that’s helped the McMahon’s make huge improvements to the buildings downtown that were vacated by the city offices moving to another place. I have to say I smiled so hard that my cheeks started to hurt.

The presentation was a blown-up photo of Chris at work outside one of the downtown buildings looking like the true craftsman he is. We all loved the “cash” sign above him. It was wonderful to see Chris getting the credit he deserves for his part in bringing this vision to life (he would point out it’s a team effort, and that Mike, Kim, Dylan, and Declan also have added their ideas and effort). I’m so glad Kathleen was able to be there to see it, too. We are very proud.

It sure was great to hang out with friendly people and talk and laugh at all the antics. I met many new folks, got to hang out with some of my favorite local friends, actually heard some good news, and for a few hours, didn’t worry about anything. We all need some time to take a break and celebrate friends, community, and accomplishments. I’m looking forward to future progress and pride in little Cameron.

Michelle dressed as a hot dog. She’s the real Yoe Dawg.

Better Days, Better Vision, Coming Soon

First off, I have NO idea where yesterday’s whiny-ass post came from. Of course I know there are many good things in my life and people who like me. I was just thinking about other things.

The week is still weird. I mis-remembered when my appointment in Austin was, so I rushed to feed the horses quickly. Of COURSE they decided it wasn’t time to eat yet and took forever to get there to eat. At least no one escaped.

They were only marginally faster than this little guy I saw on the way to the small pond.

I did get a little time to pull some weeds and enjoy the sunshine and nice temperatures, briefly. I got to pull some “bastard cabbage,” too. I have to leave our property to get much, though, because I’ve mostly eradicated it.

Not eradicated: June bugs. It’s March. They just know I want to swim.

Things are looking up. I finally made it to the eye doctor today, after postponing a couple appointments due to horse events. I found out our eye doctor is going camping with us and other friends next month. Yay. And I had so much fun picking frames with my favorite employee there. She knows just what I like. I did order a pair that are different from what I usually get. They have wire rims!

After overdosing on cool frames, I got to enjoy a delicious Italian dinner with two of our former Bobcat neighbors and we filled each other in on news we don’t put on social media. Ah, I love in-person meetups. They fill me with positive energy.

Of course, I invited everyone I saw today to come stay at the vacation rental. More in person meetings to come, I hope.

I ordered new computer glasses, too, since they have a new way of doing them. These are so pretty I just want to look at them.

Things are looking up in other ways. This weekend promises to be fun and full of good stuff. I’m reminded of how grateful I am for people who are kind and care. See, I can be positive!

Cheers to Friends and Family

Not much to say about today, but there was much goodness involved. I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends this week and it’s left me feeling mellow and connected. That doesn’t happen often, so cheers!

And yes, I went overboard with my St. Patrick’s Day theme. Not shown are sparkly green shoes. The shirt says “Lucky,” not what you’re thinking.

I enjoyed lunch with my friends Trixie and Sara, next door. We hadn’t seen Trixie since a health crisis, so it was excellent to do some chatting about horses.

I had breakfast with these gals. The wind was so bad last night that it blew their door open. They just followed me back in when I fed them. Sweet hens.

After work was something very wonderful and long awaited. The Venue that our family members worked on for so long officially opened and had its ribbon cutting by our Chamber of Commerce buddies. Barbara, who is running her catering business there, is so excited. Her entire extended family was, too.

Everyone was so happy. The renovation team got to be in the photos, too. See if you can find my family hiding.

Another exciting part was that my son and his band-mate, Austin, got to be part of the entertainment. It was their first gig in Cameron. They did good, and I got to enjoy it with my friend Pamela! I was thrilled to know so many of my local friends were seeing him play. Proud mom overload!

I get so proud to be a part of a small-town community and to see how it’s growing through so many people’s hard work and vision. Cheers to the folks with vision and forethought who are making our town fun and full of culture. Now, please enjoy some photos.

Anyway, life is good. Friends are good. Community rocks.

More Travel to Exotic Locations

Oh, just kidding. I’m in the greater Bryan/College Station area, right here in Tejas. After a most frustrating work day (interrupted by seeing Anita for coffee at the fine new local coffee shop, which was good), I took off, once again.

The reason for traveling was the wedding of my former neighbor, Kayla. Actually, she got married with only parents around last October, so this was for the rest of their families. Cathy, Kayla’s mom, is who Sara and I went to high school football games with for years.

Other than the wedding being 1.5 hours late, it was very sweet with many touches of humor. I enjoyed chatting with some of the groom’s family at dinner, too. I am glad I went. Everyone was so friendly and seemed so happy. Awww.

Bonus: the little Baptist church had really comfy pews, for which I complimented the minister, who sat next to me. That gave him a chuckle. (Some other guy performed the ceremony.

Flower girl and ring bearer were siblings. Note I didn’t show their faces.

The other bonus of heading all the way over here (45 minutes, not far) is that I got to visit my friends Lynn and Don. We watched Young Sheldon (funny) and I played with their cats. One licked my hair.

This one, Beans, wanted more petting. She was a fine kitty.

I like cats, just at other people’s houses, you see. Anyway, I’m safely in a big mesquite bed and looking forward to breakfast with the friends tomorrow. That’s cheered me up!

Talk Therapy in Its Many Forms

Between work and the weather, I haven’t been doing much that’s very exciting for the past two days. Nonetheless, I’m feeling pretty darned good. I’ve managed to place myself in the Piscean sweet spot between my desires to be alone and meditate and my need for human contact. That’s rare. I have too much of one and not enough of the other much of the time (though the tack room has helped a lot with my balance at the ranch).

I have to pat myself on the back, because my post yesterday about anticipation and its consequences encouraged a couple of people who I care about to call me, which led to some good, old-fashioned catching up. I’m really grateful that my stepsister and my cousin are in my life, because they support me in all my weirdness and they both make me laugh a lot.

Lunchtime view. Not shown: shrieking children

In addition I did some Facebook messaging with people I don’t talk to often, and planned a surprise gift for a friend, which is guaranteed to put a smile on one’s face. It just plain feels good to be reminded of your connections with others. That’s one reason I enjoy Zoom meetings with two groups of friends every week. It builds community, which I also find therapeutic.

Damp oaks. It’s okay, because these are my favorite colors.

Long and winding phone calls with people who know you really well can be quite therapeutic. I figured out a lot of stuff about how my family of origin ticked by talking to my relatives, and it became even clearer how my mental health challenges came to be.

View from community room, where I worked while my room was being cleaned.

And now I realize that I could have this sense of community a lot more often if I wasn’t so damn sure I’d be rejected when I call someone and get all Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria on myself. My brain thinks everyone is too busy to talk to boring old me. I’m sure some people are. Some are not. But I don’t try, because I don’t want to feel bad.

Lordy, I sound like a total mental mess, even though I actually feel pretty fine now. I simply notice it when I feel like no one likes me, tell myself it doesn’t matter one bit, and go do something fun. That sounds like a plan.

And on that note, it’s time to watch another movie.

Anticipation Rarely Fails to Disappoint Me

I was really looking forward to yesterday. Family members who don’t hate me were going to come stay with me for a few days. We were going to visit people, go out to eat, wander around to parts of the island I can’t go to (this place is crawling with gated communities), and talk about our respective difficult elderly family members.

Of course I took a nice long walk at lunchtime, too.

I can’t believe I did this, but I allowed myself to get all excited about the fun we’d have. I tidied up the condo (not that it was untidy – I love to keep things clean and beautiful when I’m by myself), told everyone at work I was taking some time off, made sure I could get them a parking permit, and was all ready to welcome them.

I was disappointed to learn that one of my guests hurt herself getting ready to load the car, so they weren’t coming after all. I know she’s had back issues, so I felt sad for her. It certainly wasn’t her fault at all! Wow, did I experience a letdown, though. As high as I’d felt anticipating a visit and not having to be all by myself, I felt equally low realizing I was going to spend the rest of my time in Hilton Head alone. (I LIKE being alone, but I have had enough to fill my tank now).

I would not mind sharing the sunrises and sunsets with someone in person, but I get to share them with you!

After a while, I was kicking myself (mentally) for allowing myself to get all hepped up before something actually happened. I put out a whiny post on Facebook and got some varied responses.

Many people empathized with how I felt. I’m not alone in letting myself get excited then feeling really down. Others had helpful advice that I appreciated, such as a reminder that Brene Brown would say this means I’m living wholeheartedly. Something else I found helpful was advice from a friend’s therapist: “Focus on what you CAN do not on what you Can’t when disappointed.” Yet another commenter talked about “post-event letdown,” which I remember experiencing when I was younger, but have gotten better about and now just wallow in memories.

And people ask why I still do Facebook…the community I’ve built is so supportive!

I’ve been pondering whether I’m doing the right thing in trying to squish down my anticipation. I have been doing it for the past few years when I was letting myself look forward to trips, the return of people to the ranch, projects to work on, and people to do things with me. For example, when the first two people I asked to join me this week decided not to come, I wasn’t upset at all, because I was prepared for things not to work out. I let this third one get by me. My squishing down has gotten quite good in the post-COVID era, where just about everything fun got canceled, but it’s not perfect.

Life was as thrilling as a common toadstool.

But hey, isn’t anticipation fun? Doesn’t it make good vibes (or hormones or something) flow through you? Should I be trying another tactic besides not allowing myself to get happy about something until it actually happens? Maybe I should let myself dream about the fun I may have when I get to pick up my new car next week, rather than trying not to think about it in case something goes wrong?

The car DID at least make it off the truck and get to the dealership.

I think I’m going to let myself feel my feelings a bit more but work on not getting so sad about what I can’t do. Like the friend said, I can concentrate on what I CAN do. I tried that out last night, so rather than mourn the fact that the promised dinner and drinks weren’t going to happen, I got myself a ridiculously expensive old fashioned and drank it while listening to the excellent guitar player entertaining at the resort cafe and ordered myself an impressive plate of sushi and edamame.

Yeah, I looked like shit, but I was smiling.

I ended up in the resort lobby waiting for the food having a fun conversation about football with the women at the reception area. One woman ended up showing me the football-themed tote bags and pajama sets she’d made for friends, then some of the outfits she designed for herself. How would I ever have realized that these women were so interesting and talented if I hadn’t rewarded myself and done what I could do after a disappointment? I win!

I enjoyed that sushi while watching King Richard, the movie about Venus and Serena Williams’s controversial father. I particularly enjoyed the portrayal of the sisters in this movie. They were so authentically happy, smart, and normal young girls. They weren’t overly made up or with fancy hair and clothing. They looked like the girls I knew at the time and played and bickered and loved each other so genuinely. What a great portrayal of a black family that looked real. (I also thoroughly enjoyed all the 1970s cars.)

In summary, I’m going to let myself anticipate fun things in the future, but if they don’t come to pass, I’ll remind myself of the options for fun that I still have. Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it? LOVE to all of you reading this, and healing vibes to my family member!

PS: the beach is so fun to watch. An osprey just flew right by my balcony with something in its talons! And I spent at least a half hour just before sunset watching large pods of dolphins very close to the shore here. There must have been a dozen! The photo shows how close they were (and some of those weird rectangles that are container ships). People enjoyed watching them.

Wish I Could Crawl in People’s Heads (Briefly)

I spend way too much of the time that I’m reading the news, perusing social media, and watching folks around me saying, “Hmm.”

You should be out looking for me, the Bluebird of Happiness.

I’m a person, far as I can tell. But I feel so different from humans I observe. It’s not new; I’ve felt out of place among humanity most of my life. What feels different to me these days is that I’m having more and more trouble empathizing with people and being able to see where they get their viewpoints. (I realize I’m not alone here!)

For example, I watched the annual State of the Union Address last night, as did many Americans. Some parts of the speech affected my business, some affected the rights of my friends and family, some seemed spot on, while others seemed exaggerated or slanted. I observe political events from my personal perspective, naturally, and I’m aware that my background, upbringing, education, and privilege affect my perceptions. I don’t expect others to feel the same as me.

I’ll mock you if you keep this up much longer, Suna

Still, I found myself inexplicably surprised to read how people I know reacted to the speech. The range was from being thrilled and buoyed up to being angry and derisive. Now, I’ve gone on and on about how I believe we are living in two different countries within one geographic space. But sometimes the extent of the divide shocks me.

It made me want to dive into the water and not come back up (thanks, anhinga)

I really would like to briefly crawl inside the minds of some of the people I know, so I could see how they came to be a member of the country I don’t live in. I’m convinced they have different truths and facts than I do, and I would love to jump in and learn them, without having to watch certain television networks.

At least I have a nice place to watch my chosen network (HGTV)

When I’ve tried to talk to people, I get one of two reactions: some declare that they just “know” things in their gut and feel them, facts or no facts; others are able to point to evidence for their beliefs, which tends to be things that people in my country don’t learn about. The latter group help me a lot, but I’m still baffled and hate to be that way.

We all see the same sun as it sets, just from different physical and mental places

Here’s where I draw a little comfort. There have been times throughout the history of human cultures where people with very different mindsets have coexisted for long periods of time. They are able to work together, trade with each other, and keep each other safe, all while practicing very different spiritual and political beliefs. I know this has been true. I want this here.

Why can’t we all just get along and let a rainbow be a rainbow?
(Ha ha – I’m aware that folks who say that are made fun of all the time)

I also have seen how easily these times of peace and coexistence can blow up. Look at the former Yugoslavia, India and Pakistan, Hitler’s reign, Israel, the US in the 1860s… this is what I fear. We are equally divided in this country. I just hope the reasonable majority on both sides keeps us at peace.

On a happier note, I enjoyed yesterday. There was the perfect balance of hard work, exercise, and relaxation. There’s a lot to be said about watching container ships (which are shaped like giant floating bricks), crab boats, kites, and dogs out the window as I ponder project lifecycles. Plus, the birds did not disappoint me, either. Those cedar waxwings are having a great feast on the little fruits of the palmettos.

Plus, Lee made it back to the ranch safely and I found out I’ll have some fun visitors for the next few days. I won’t be meditating solemnly and thinking deep thoughts in the condo alone! I’ll get to do things and meet new people. All I’ll say is that my guests are regular blog readers, who I hope are ready to drive over here and not reading my nonsense.