Saying Yes to No

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

Yet another item on my endless list of good things about getting older is that I finally realized that I always agreed to do things just because I was so flattered to be asked, combined with a deep desire to feel like I was a part of something. That has led me down some doozies of rabbit holes.

I now realize I joined the nonprofit organization I used to work for mainly because I desperately wanted friends. I have never been passionate about the cause, though I did and still do respect it. I just never was a fanatic. So why I sacrificed my mental health and self esteem because I couldn’t say no to any of their requests is still puzzling to me.

On the other hand, I did end up with lifelong friends. I have, however learned to say no to them when a request conflicts with my goal to remain safe from cultish behavior. I can help out a reasonable amount without harming myself.

I’ve also learned my friends still like me if I say no occasionally. Aha!

Recently I’ve said no in a lot of subtle ways that maybe only I notice. But wow, it feels great to go out after a long work and horse day and just relax rather than cooking or cleaning. I’m saying no to self-imposed obligations.

Back to the original question, I have many interests, and to do any of them well has meant setting some aside. You can’t do it all. So I’m not starting quilting again or trying to garden. You won’t see me doing extensive meal planning , shopping, and prepping, even though I admire those who have the time. I’m not writing a book even though I could. And so on.

Learning your limits and narrowing down your passions to something manageable can lead to less stress. That leads to contentment and appreciation of what you can say yes to. So I say.

What do you think?