mental health – The Hermits' Rest

Holidays Handled

When I had a nuclear family and when I had my children, I was one of those women who bought into the cultural norm of making my family happy for Christmas, just like my mom had done for me. She worked so hard with little money but much creativity.

Pretend there are cigarette ashes on the floor and this will be mom-like.

I fretted over decorations, presents, food, and such. I spent a lot of money on things I hoped would make people happy. Shoot, the year after my divorce, I gave my ex presents to set up a household (which he never used, but that’s another story). The point is I felt that I was showing my love through material things. And rather too much of it. I think it’s because I felt loved at Christmas as a child when I got my gifts. Not everyone else is me, though.

This aspect of my personality has been hard to mollify. Even when I saw gifts I’d worked hard to select never used, even when my children didn’t give me anything for birthdays, Valentines, or Christmas. But I finally worked through my “love language problem,” and ended the excess. Much backsliding has occurred in recent years, but since my sister and older son cut ties with us, my motivation to create good holidays has plummeted.

Now I can enjoy the parts of midwinter, the solstice, and the dark nights how I want to, with introspection and gratitude for what I do have, which is much.

It’s made this time of year much less stressful to no longer decorate the heck out of the house, spend hours looking for gifts, etc. I now enjoy spending time around the holidays with people who care about me and am fine without a big gathering. I enjoy going camping or staying in a cabin and receiving the gift of time with Lee, my son, and his partner.

For Yule, I’ve made gifts for the family that come from my heart. They can keep them, toss them, or whatever. I got joy from making the gifts and putting good intentions into them. That feels great. I’ve reached a good place of genuine good spirits and caring. No more grumpy Suna in a frenzy of materialistic capitalism.

This is idealized me as a happy angel with a grumpy angel trying to tempt me. I’m not sure how well I like the work of the “image playground.”

My hope is that each of you get the opportunity to do something that pleases YOU during the winter holidays. If you enjoy decorating, decorate! Or make cookies! Or buy great gifts! Or ponder your nativity scene and its meaning in your tradition. Just don’t fall too far into my trap of trying to make others happy.

Handling the holidays works best when everyone has some traditions to enjoy and time to share them with those who love and appreciate them.

How Can You Cope in Today’s Troubled Times?

There are some practices and “mind tricks“ I use to stay on a level key while the world of people, politics, and ethics changes to something almost unrecognizable. Note that I am not describing how to remain calm (I no longer know what that means or if anyone is “sane“ anymore). But rather I want to share what I do to keep myself productive, centered, and able to find joy/good/happiness.

I wrote this all out by hand. I needed to write.

Spend as much time outdoors as possible, doing chores, getting exercise, relaxing—it all counts.

You might see spring flowers in September!

Meditate. I count some of my bird observation is this – deep focus on breathing sound, etc. turning off the internal chatter (when I dictated the text, this came out as “cheddar”) that adds to anxiety.

Stay in the moment. Be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to people and things around you. This lets you see moments of peace and beauty amid broader chaos.

Limit exposure to negativity. Stop listening to provocative sources of information remove controversial people from your life as much as possible – if you must be around someone (coworker, family, or service provider) set boundaries and only interact on neutral topics so you can just walk away physically or mentally.

Assume good intentions. Remind yourself that people who upset you mostly aren’t doing so to bother you —often they think they are doing good —so treat them kindly, assuming they are well intentioned from their perspective, and let them share their thoughts, but let unintentionally hurtful things flow over you —you can be kind and not let the harmful stuff inside you.

Treat people kindly. Doing something nice for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do makes you feel better and invites good to come back to you.

Be grateful. Take the kindness of others in and be grateful for it. Expressed your gratitude, because a lot of people really seem to crave the positive affirmation, and it doesn’t hurt to help them out.

Give yourself permission to relax and retreat. Read a book watch a funny or engaging television show or video. Do this in moderation. Hiding in Facebook or on TikTok can be a problem.

Remind yourself of connections. However you are connected to other people, groups and cultures, treasure your own connections to your groups and enjoy them—just not to the exclusion of others. We are ALL family. (OK I’m preaching here.)

—All X people are evil/my enemy. No, the ideas they are being fed are the issue, not the people. Be angry at the source, which most likely is corporate interests (says Suna and Robert Reich).

—I can’t do anything about X. No, by keeping yourself strong and focused on positive and constructive ideas and practices you are doing something.

—Person X drives me batty. Guess what? You choose your reaction to person X. Change it.

Laugh. Find people places or media that make you laugh or laugh at yourself kindly.

Enjoy animals. Domesticated or wild, they share our earth and are good enough to share their calm or funniness. Horses and dogs help me.

Recognize your limitations. We can’t do everything or fix every problem. Choose your battles and let go of minor issue. Discern what is within your capacity to change and do those things.

Hint: you can’t change other people‘s personalities and entrenched beliefs. You can change your reaction. This is a big lesson.

Love yourself. Remind yourself that you are lovable just as you are. Your mistakes and flaws do not define you or make you less deserving of love. It’s great to be loved and to accept love coming your way, but you aren’t defined by whether or not someone loves you. Everyone else is lovable too, just maybe not by you, sometimes

Your spiritual guides (God, spirit, goddess Buddha) love you just the way you are, too. If yours places conditions on its love consider another alternative.

Don’t hate people. If you want something to abhor there are plenty of other options. I abhor war, gun, violence, intolerance, corporate, greed, dysfunctional government, unethical propaganda, and institutions set up to divide people rather than unite them. I don’t hate people. Something made them the way they are, even egomaniacs and psychopaths. Hatred does not make anything better.

Forgive. Let go of resentment towards bullies mean people, hurtful individuals, etc. Letting resentment fester does not lead to peace. People screw up. Forgive them like you’d like to be when you screw up. You can’t fix some folks, but you can forgive them and move on.

Take care who you trust. Confirmation bias is real. Don’t just trust people who agree with you automatically. Instead, trust people with no vested interest in manipulating you or your emotions or in encouraging divisive thinking. This is hard, I know.

Surround yourself with things that make you happy (spark Joy ha ha ha). This will be different for each of us. I have lots of objects that help me: crystals, figurines of birds and horses, live flowers when possible, a cheerful coffee mug, a journal covered with stickers, colored pins, books art made by me or my family, and so much more. Other people might need minimal distractions to feel happy some need clean surroundings things that smell, good etc. You do you and don’t let others’ opinions of your surroundings bother you. They can do their own stuff. (Now, shared spaces require compromise, of course. There can be no fun scents in a house that contains my spouse.)

Move around. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or sad or afraid you can want to just stay in bed or your chair and curl up. But try to remind yourself that moving around/exercise is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Even marching around your house or dancing to music helps. I like to take walks so I can observe beauty around me and experience the world with all my senses. Riding my horse is also very helpful, because I need to focus on what I’m doing rather than other issues.

Do some crafts. Making things helps you focus on something you enjoy, and creating items for others is an act of kindness thate brings positivity into your life.

July and August of my temperature blanket project.

Read inspirational or beautiful material. I love my nature books, and my magazines about horses, art, home improvement, and spirituality. Just be sure to find uplifting and interesting content. I have to limit my political and historical reading.

And finally, remember what the scripture below tells us.

Tee hee. I, too, can cherry pick Bible verses that support my point.

So…what other ideas do you have to share with others as we try to get through this time together?

Honest, I’m Fine

Whenever I start to go in and on about my pessimism it makes certain beloved relatives worried. When I realized that this afternoon I began to muse about how okay I’m actually doing right now. I guess if things have to get scary for those of us not in power, now is preferable to even a few years ago, for me. Spiritual growth is a big help.

Lee says a giant porch chair is a big help.

It’s taken a long time to get to where I don’t panic and start feeling paranoid. Even if “they” were out to get me, it wouldn’t hangs who I am or how I act. Like a friend mentioned in response to yesterday’s post, I’m going to choose to be kind. I’m also not going to give up my ethics and morals. Not panicking doesn’t mean not doing the right thing.

By the way, porch furniture came mere minutes after my son finished the beautiful trim work. He did so well.

(Aside: more than one person I know called their representative today and talked to a real person.)

Look at that fine detail. Craftsmanship!

Anyway, I’m coping well, my anxiety only pops up occasionally, and I’m enjoying my little hermit life. I’m staying in my lane, not asking questions of anyone who’s not wanting to share with me, and enjoying the heck out of my tiny circle of friends and loved ones, dogs, horses, and fowl. That, and birds, is enough to create a peaceful oasis.

This excellent hammertail robberfly was my nature fun of the day.

Please remind me of my peace when I start whining about being lonely, left out, or missing old friends. It does happen. Those I care about are in my heart! That has to be enough.

And all of you who read and comment and share your stories with me are also in my heart. Thank you for showing all of us how much good and caring for others there still is in the world.

What’s the Hurry?

Today I was feeling quite fine, perhaps even groovy, while I was on my walk around Nails Creek State Park on an uncharacteristically cool April morning. I was reminded of the Simon and Garfunkel song that reminds us:

Slow down, you move too fast!
You’ve got to make the morning last!

That was from “Feeling Groovy,” if you aren’t old enough to have it pop right into your head. That’s how I was, too, taking my time, feeling the sand beneath my hiking shoes, and in the groove.

Life, I love you. All is groovy!

Groovy soapberry flowers

While I was walking and walking (fast enough to keep warm but not very fast), I realized that when I walk rhythmically I can’t think about anything negative. I just feel my body moving. Maybe that’s why people like running so much?

One thing I’m glad about is that I don’t need to run to get the effects of exercise. I love moving more slowly. I also think my focus on perceiving my surroundings with all my senses helps with grounding me. It’s like a walking meditation! That’s it! I’ve learned to meditate while looking for plants and listening for birds.

Even if that’s not true I find the idea comforting. Hobbies can be healthy! I plan to control my meanderings and take my time exploring the wide world around me, slowly and intentionally. It may be what keeps me together through unprecedented challenges.

I spent my original groovy years surrounded by Spanish moss.

What do you think? Am I onto something?

Recuperating and Resting

The past week was a lot, so I decided to take some time off and not push myself today. Horses were fed and medicated, and Apache seems fine still. It rained more, so I’m proud I got the necessary chores done and could relax the rest of the day.

I took it slow, like these turtles who miraculously didn’t flee when I appeared, like they usually do.

I wandered around listening to birds and munching on native plants this morning. Some of this stuff should go in meals, like saw green briar shoots, beaked cornsalad (not related to corn), and chickweed. I see why the chickens like it so much. It’s zesty!

I watched it rain, read, crocheted, watched golf on television, and took a nap. That’s quite a day of rest. I think I hit a high note of boringness! Hey, even Heather Cox Richardson took a day off, so I can, too.

This is sweet. Rain filled the holes in the door mat and this Red Admiral found it to be a great watering station.

The vegetation here is finally greener, and many more flowers and plants are showing up. Photographing them is better for me than catching up on the news. It’ll be there tomorrow.

Job Woes of the Past

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

First, even though my job is ending earlier than expected this Friday, I’m not overly upset, panicked, or blaming myself. Why’s that? It’s because of what appeared to be a horrible failure at the time, and certainly the nadir of my working years (that’s saying a lot, since I had a couple of workplaces implode under me). I think maybe some of you readers might learn something from this experience, and since I’m retiring, I can share how I screwed up. (If I’ve already told this story, well, here it is again.)

Back when Lee and I were first together, we went through a spell of job challenges. A great long-term contract at 3M fell through because their business was talking, and all I could get were short-term gigs after that. Meanwhile, Lee also lost his job at Dell. I had two children in school, one heading to college, so it was all a bit scary.

I hit a spell where nothing was coming up, so I took the first job where they would hire me. The salary was very low, and the people I interviewed with seemed more interested in getting a body in a seat than my qualifications. But it was at the University of Texas, so I had dreams of security and a pension dancing in my head.

I ended up in a miniature cubicle in the UT Tower (where famous murders occurred) working with an accounting software package that was still housed in its original mainframe and had an ASCII UI. Two of the people I interviewed with had already left by the time I started, and from the first day on, three of the women in the group disliked me. I did my best to learn the system so I could provide help to callers, but even when I did know an answer, they told me I didn’t answer questions right. I needed to stop empathizing with users and stop assuring them their questions were legit, because this accounting software was GREAT and should only be praised for its greatness. It got more and more stressful every day, and to top it all off, I rode a bus at the crack of dawn and at rush hour going home, because I couldn’t get parking. I barely saw my family.

My office was behind one of those windows. Photo by Brixiv on Pexels.com

I kept trying, though, took extra education, got help from and assisted the one or two nice folks, then lost the only really nice coworker, who left for a better department. That should have been my hint to flee.

I remember it sounded like snakes hissing as the Mean Girls complained about me and tapped away carping about me in chats. The boss was even worse. She was some Dean of something and told me I was a big disappointment and offended my coworkers by mentioning I’d been a stay-at-home mother, but I promised to do my best to meet the decrepit accounting software support needs. It was like hell in a tiny tower. I started shaking all day. I couldn’t have done a good job if I tried.

Finally the time came for my 90-day review. The Dean just ripped me a new one, informing me how unqualified I was, how bad I was at user support, and such (they could not complain about my writing!). Here’s the worst part. Did I get up and walk out of there? No. I begged and pleaded with this awful woman, saying I needed to work or my children would lose their home. I honestly thought that is what was going to happen…I was going to fail to pay the mortgage and we’d be evicted.

It was a long bus ride home. Photo by David Geib on Pexels.com

Of course that didn’t happen. But I was so disheartened and down on myself that applying for other jobs was hell. Why would anyone want to hire such a poor worker? I went on unemployment, which at least fed us, and then, sure enough, opportunities arose. I did a bad job teaching Excel for a while (I did fine with Word–I’m not a numbers person), then started on the upswing when I got a GOOD contract for REAL money with people who became lifelong friends. But it was a SLOG getting my confidence back.

That experience taught me that no job is worth debasing yourself for. Yes, we need to work to pay bills and all that, but jobs exist. The next time someone started treating me like a pariah and making work torture, I left. Now? I’m not going to work unless it’s something I enjoy doing with people who are reasonable business folks. Mean Girls/Boys and power-hungry backstabbers won’t get a chance ever again.

I’ll write more about this tomorrow, but I’ve been touched by many kind birthday wishes. It reminds me I’m loved and cared for.

Home and Nature’s Glory

We made it home from Cleburne by going the back way. We saw towns we never heard of, and it was a lot less stressful than the Interstate.

I’ll miss the waterfowl. That’s a cormorant and a coot.

We were able to stay most of the day, so I got another nice hike around the lake. I disturbed many vultures, but they came back as soon as I left. Lots of flappy flappy wings going on.

The rest of the walk was filled with Robins rustling in the leaves. They were everywhere! Eventually I found the rest of the songbirds. I love the different titmice calling back and forth.

Most of my photos are of dried flowers and Shumard Red Oaks. But why not? They are beautiful.

The long weekend was very helpful for me. I made some decisions for the future that put me at ease at least a bit, and I look forward to being with friends and coworkers like normal.

Now, here are a few more photos, since I have bandwidth today.

Another Pretty State Park and an Update

(Written yesterday but only got enough bars to update today.)

After thinking good old Seneca wasn’t going to make it, Lee and I managed to leave town yesterday to have a quiet Thanksgiving and 16th anniversary trip to Cleburne State Park.

There was little traffic, so the trip up near Fort Worth wasn’t too bad. Our campsite is very secluded and right on the lake. Last night we just managed to get set up before we were zonked, so we put off the big meal until today.

Lee bought this nice pre-cooked smoked turkey that we ate cold I made stuffing, green beans with mushrooms, mashed potatoes, and gravy, all with the microwave. I choked down canned cranberry sauce. It was fine. And there was sweet potato pie for dessert. I’m glad we bought the glass storage dishes, since we needed them.

Before we ate, we got groceries at Kroger in Cleburne. When you live in Cameron, finding new flavors of Pop Tarts can make your day! I enjoyed the store, in other words.

Also we found where Goldie was getting all that money we find buried in homes she dug with her one good paw. (Kidding)

Then, after it warmed up a bit, I went on a nice walk around the park. There aren’t that many birds here, or I was out at the wrong time. But all the red oaks, sumacs, sycamores, and other trees are putting on a nice show of fall colors, as they go in Texas, anyway.

The hike I took went up and down some limestone hills, so I got a bit of a workout. This area is apparently the northernmost part of the Texas Hill Country. That explains the Ashe Junipers and the nearby quarry.

Later, after our meal, Lee and I went to the boat ramp area across the lake from our camping site. The light was great for moody lake and foliage shots with the new and phone cameras.

When we got back to our site, we got some sunset shots and watched blackbirds coming in to roost in the reeds. There was also one Hooded Merganser making its odd call. All that lake fun was good for me.

I needed this outing. I keep hoping that my mental state will improve. It doesn’t. By Wednesday I was barely functioning. It was like a constant panic attack with no way to turn it off. I was fumbling for words and emotionally fragile. I have tried very hard to not break down, because people around me don’t cope with it well. I also don’t like acting weird.

And the small amount of Prozac I’d been on was helping me feel normal and have reasonable emotional highs and lows. The last few weeks I have suffered, though. I feel like I’m watching a ticking time bomb and powerless to do anything about where its shrapnel will fall. I have my recurring Holocaust dreams. Oh, ick.

(Note: I am completely aware this is irrational, which is why I’m so disappointed in myself).

Wednesday I finally went to my doctor, who reassured me that if I took my other medication and a stronger dose of Prozac for a while, I won’t become addicted or a Zombie. So I’m doing that while on this news-free camping trip. Heh, it’s practically Internet feee!

Seneca has also had a hard time staying balanced. The site is not very level.

The reason I shared this is because I’ve talked to more than one friend who thought they were the only one coping poorly right now. Even friends with different viewpoints than mine say it’s a worrisome time. So if you think you’re over-reacting or being silly, you aren’t. What we are going through is a normal reaction to grief, fear of the unknown, and feeling powerless. Let yourself feel your feelings, it don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. You are probably sensitive or have empathic tendencies.

Stick with your community! I’m SO grateful for mine. And I hope I’m better soon!

What? It All Worked Out?

It happens all the time to me. I get perturbed about a situation, but if I just give myself time, I can figure out a solution. I need to remember this for future perturbations.

I’ve no idea if I used perturbation right. But here’s a cute Fiery Skipper in a salt marsh aster.

Yesterday I found out my roommate for the upcoming Master Naturalist annual meeting had decided to get a room to herself. Now, as Suna, I would be hypocritical if I didn’t applaud someone who wanted to room alone. Heck, this was the first year I’d wanted a roommate, and I go on long trips alone. I get wanting a place to decompress!

This Dusky Skipper is here to tell you it’s time for the 2024 Texas Pollinator Bioblitz, so there will be many insects and flowering plants in here for the next few days.

The problem was that I’d messed up when registering for my hotel room. Because I wanted to arrive Wednesday, a day the hotel is full, I couldn’t use hotel points and had to reserve a full price. Then I realized I’d forgotten to book Saturday night. So, it was working out to be an expensive mess and I considered canceling, since I’ll have no one to hang out with.

I could hang with this guy. What an interesting wasp. It’s a Five-banded Thynnid wasp, I think.

But I thought, and thought, and at last my brain woke up and gave me the inspiration to contact Hilton customer support. So I got through to their Diamond member customer support. I told the agent my situation and she said she thought she could fix it. It took a while, but she was able to apply points for three of the nights, and get me the less expensive conference rate for that pesky Wednesday night (it’s still over $200—no wonder most of my colleagues aren’t going). To top it off, she exchanged my standard two-queen room for my favorite: the king corner suite. I just couldn’t stop thanking that nice and competent worker. She got a great review from me!

I’m happy as a Phaon Crescent that’s avoided the local Phoebes.

I felt like things took a turn for the better last night when I got a text from Tarrin after I’d already gone to bed. She said to go outside quickly. So I did. There was the aurora borealis dimly shining in the north! It may have been pale, but I’d never seen it before! And it looked really cool in photos.

I got all weepy and giddy at the same time. I’d always wanted to see the Northern Lights. Now I don’t have to go to Iceland to do it. Lee enjoyed it, too. I really should have texted others, but I was too awestruck. I’m glad Tarrin texted!

Bucket Lust (Anita said I had to leave this good typo) complete. That was the only thing left on it, now that I’ve also seen the Grand Canyon.

I’d also been sort of pouty that I had no one to do fun things with tomorrow afternoon, but now I do! I’m going to the Wild Wings Bird Sanctuary to do my October bird count and should find friends there, then I’ll go help another group at the yearly Steak Stein and Wine event downtown. I’m glad they asked. I’m a sucker for feeling needed.

I’m also a sucker for gifts of flowers. Lee got me a chrysanthemum a couple of days ago. This, however, is feverfew.

Plus, I get to eat the steak dinner, because a space became available. I was ok not going, but it will be nice to go after all and see my son as a bonus.

Don’t be pouty! A beautiful moment might be coming right up.

The moral of today is to quit being pouty. Things will work out, or a better alternative will arise if you remember to make your own fun!

Now to keep on Bioblitzing…

Another Kind of Vacation

Driving home from the state park was a depressing reminder of how divided our country is today. Sometimes being a sensitive person makes me too vulnerable to attack ads, negativity, and the spread of misinformation. And when people I care about are sharing the worst misinformation, it’s too much.*

So I was thinking that I can’t control what’s on television and other media, but there are things in my sphere that I can control. So I’m taking a vacation from my Facebook feed. I’ll miss some good news and other personal developments that happen, but I’ll get less agitated.

Maybe honey locust leaves are like gummies for birds. He seemed really mellow. Maybe I need gummies. No! Drugs/herbs are not the solution, ha ha.

I have other ways to keep in touch! I’m sharing the blog posts on my ranch Facebook page, and dog and horse updates on their pages. And people can comment on the blog or email me. Just ask.

They need more than 197 followers. Of course, I haven’t been posting there since I got so busy.

But, I’m not an influencer. I may be an asocial media influencer at that. It will not be a big deal to go away for a while. I just finally hit the point where the benefits of connection no longer outweigh the negativity and hostility from people who mean well.

Fiona agrees that she’s pretty dull, especially when no one posts on her page. I’m guilty.

Other news? Goldie’s biopsy report finally came in. Indeed she had or has osteosarcoma. The best news is that it’s not a highly aggressive or in a one. I guess it’s the least bad kind of a bad thing.

She started licking and messing with her leg where her old hotspot and IV were. So we covered it last night. The vet I talked to today said it needs to able to breathe, so it’s off now and I replaced it with a sock. It’s one that was really tight on me, but is probably too big. We will keep trying.

We have another shirt on her, too. She can lick her incision. Ugh.

I’m okay! I just don’t want to be hammered with partisan politics, name calling, and intimidation for a while. Self care rules, y’all.

Cindy and Cathy take care of each other and rarely argue. Well, as far as I can tell.

Oh yeah: take care of yourselves, Florida friends!

*some great friends I disagree with are sharing factual information that makes me think. I appreciate those perspectives.