Drew – Page 3 – The Hermits' Rest

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

We are putting on our happy faces because even though the weather was weird today, we got encouraging news about Goldie’s prognosis.

The important news is that the veterinary team took X-rays of Goldie’s chest this morning and found no evidence of metastatic growths. That means she has a better chance of hanging on for a good while as a tripod. She then had the amputation surgery and came through it well.

Spooky sky with light of hope shining through. Photo by Lee.

Now we are waiting to see how she does overnight. I’m glad this facility has an overnight doctor to keep an eye on the animals there. She is well drugged, so she can rest pain free. What a relief. If things go well, we will get her tomorrow afternoon.

While anxiously awaiting news of Goldie (we thought she was going in early but that wasn’t the case), I hung out with the birds. There were over 40 species today! You can tell it’s migration time. The clouds never made any rain, either.

Vultures waiting for their wings to dry, and that same cloud.

After lunch with the ladies and Casey (the dude of our crowd) I came home to more weird weather. The wind picked up drastically, to where I couldn’t work outside anymore. Just as I was finishing my last meeting, Lee came in and said some of the horses were out.

Look, Mom. We are over here by the welding thingie.

I went over and shut the main gate, then went to figure out what was going on. Two horses were still in their pen area. Dusty was just standing by the big gate, assuming I’d let him out, which I did. Drew, in the other hand, was running anxiously back and forth, not settling down enough to figure out where the exit was.

I found that the back gate, which already had some issues, had blown open in the wind and was sitting at a most awkward angle. Drew finally found it and flew past me, jumping and leaping. What a dramatic boy.

We decided to let them do some edging and mowing for a while, but the gate did get fixed. Of course, as we were discussing it, Drew had to come help. I guess we humans are more interesting than new grass to the curious one. Anyway, other than causing the dogs to bark, the horses are fine. They’ll go back inside soon as they get thirsty.

Now I can go sleep. I sure didn’t last night, as my good friends knew! Let’s hope the ride home goes well. We have the new halter and a t-shirt for Goldie to wear.

Let’s Talk about Support

If anyone reading this isn’t struggling in some way, I’m glad for you, but a bit surprised. These seem to be hard times for most folks I know. And it doesn’t look like things are getting any easier. I vote that we all do the right thing and support each other. Let’s cut each other some slack. Some of us could really use kindness and empathy right now.

Share what’s good in the world. This is a Phoebe.

We got more sad dog news today and are trying to figure out what to do about Goldie’s bone cancer. I needed support and to just talk about it. Thank goodness I have a friend who I can talk to, who’s going through similar canine concerns.

The horse trailer is back, and I was glad to go to lessons again. Yes, I wanted to learn horse stuff, but I also wanted to talk to Tarrin and engage in mutual support about our dogs and other family issues. Talking really helped me think things through, and I hope I was a good listener for her. And of course I loved on her sick dog.

I also loved on Christmas. He’s love-a-bull.

The lessons were good, too. Apache amazes me. He is doing so well and keeps making progress even with time off. He improved on the dreaded side pass (hooray) and was very patient when I worked on posting at the trot. He’s become a real treasure. We have both calmed down so we can learn.

Drew is doing much better with me, too, though he had some challenges today. That lovely filly of Tarrin’s gets him all rattled. At least this time, Tarrin was on him. But he settled down after ground work and was fine afterwards. He just has to grow out of losing focus on his human leaders. it ain’t easy.

He needs to breathe deeply, just like I do.

The horse lessons are so helpful to me, as is the support I get from Tarrin. We have so much in common yet challenge each other. That is what we need right now, to see past our superficial differences to our common humanity.

Find yourself someone to support or to be supportive to. It’s a great counterweight to the struggles and challenges we are going through as humans.

The Goal: Don’t Fall Down

How do you plan your goals?

As my husband and goal-fixated friends know, I’ve never been one of those people who have goals for every day, week, month, quarter, year, and decade. These folks derive much benefit from analyzing their progress and figuring out their strategies. I used to really admire my friend Russell and his goal-setting (and achieving) prowess. Goals really motivate most people.

Lee had a goal to rid the pasture of giant bur plants. Much progress was made.

I just can’t do it. I’m too much of a “live in the moment” person who changes focus according to my needs. Goals just seem like tedious looming deadlines. I don’t know what I plan to do in the next decade. Not die?

Green Heron’s goal was to be a high wire acrobat. Win! I’d never seen one on an electric wire before!

Oh of course there are things I’d like to do, like visit natural wonders, become a better naturalist, finish my temperature blanket for this year, etc. I’m just not into exact dates and step-by-step plans. Life is not a race with some prize at the end if we make our goals. We don’t all have to set goals in the same way. That’s fine.

I do admit to having short-term goals. One is to not fall off my horse. I succeeded today!

You haven’t fallen off me in years! But that one time was enough. Photo by Lee.

Poor Drew got spooked big time during my lesson (when he was already a little antsy). Tarrin’s golden baby horse got the zoomies when Drew was fixated on her lovely mother. I thought Drew was going to jump out of his skin as he bolted backwards. But I stayed on, and Tarrin grabbed him to help him calm down. He was hugging her with his neck and started licking her! Poor guy was scared. But I win! I held on. I’m glad I had on my sticky riding pants!

Only Drew photo I got today. He’s a little pudgy. (That’s my helmet on Apache’s saddle—he’s my beast of burden.)

This was another piece of evidence for something that had been on my mind. I’m wondering if he can hear well. We did a few informal tests this afternoon and…hmm. That could explain why he never looks up when I call him, and some of his reactions. We will have to investigate further. Did his mystery injury cause it? The big ole donkey hoof to the head he got?

Luckily, Apache seems just fine. We are making lots of straightness progress, we are re-learning the side pass, and I’m getting better at riding with one hand on the reins. He is so much happier these days. But he does seem to have to pee every time we head back to the RV after our lessons! He’s working his back muscles, apparently, and that makes you have to go.

It’s a natural bodily function. I sit up to relieve pressure.

My goal for Apache was to be able to ride him calmly and enjoy it. We are getting there! See I had a goal!

Mom! That picture was embarrassing! Photo by Lee.

My Goal? Validation of Dreams

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

What? I’ve been thinking of my answer all day. I came to realize that what I really want to bring to the world with this blog is to validate to readers that if I can do hard things, so can they.

That’s an odd answer, says horse from my calendar.

I’m just an average fairly intelligent person with anxiety and self esteem issues. I share my ups and downs as honestly as I can, to show others that they aren’t the only ones who struggle and to validate two things:

You aren’t alone with your self doubt, family issues, and fears
You have every right to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.

I talk about my interests in nature, riding horses, and crafts as examples of validation for myself that readers can take and apply to their own passions. And hey, if readers learn along with me, that’s a bonus!

I learned this is not a two-headed crow. It’s two crows.

I just hope that I’ve helped someone feel less weird, unsuccessful, or talentless. I’m never going to be a great equestrian performer and neither are my horses. But I’ve defined success as getting stronger mentally and physically and developing healthy relationships with my animal companions. If we set our goals right, it’s a lot easier to succeed. I hope I show that and that it helps someone.

I learned today that I get all swollen from the Shingrex vaccine.

Validating that you don’t have to be the best at something to enjoy it goes for my craft projects too. I was unhappy when I was trying to be a great knitter and keep up with my peers. Now that I’m just making things for fun, I’m doing better. And that’s great! Let’s all validate our achievements when we do as well as we can, not comparing ourselves to others.

The final way I hope I can validate readers’ feelings and accomplishments is showing that I never stop learning and am not ashamed to admit when I’m wrong or ignorant on a topic. How are you ever going to gain wisdom if you think you know everything already? The older I get, the less certain I am of anything. And that’s fine.

I wanted to also talk about validation from a personal perspective. I’ve come to the understanding that it’s more important to validate your own feelings, knowledge, and accomplishments. Like the self help folks say, you need to love yourself and talk kindly to yourself. That’s been my inner work for a long time.

But in addition, I need to stop feeling ashamed that external validation is still important to me. Yes, it’s a character “flaw” that can lead you down the road to codependency and unhealthy people pleasing behavior. I know that all too well since I repeatedly contorted myself into a sniveling whiner to try to get people I loved to love me back, get approval from teachers, or get praised by bosses. It wasn’t pretty.

I’m tested by this daily as I have to remind myself that I can’t make people like or appreciate me. Still, some kinds of external validation buoy me up, and that’s not horrible.

For example, that “award” I learned about yesterday (still not sure exactly what it is) made me feel good about my job, which isn’t often a source of pride (I do well; it’s just you aren’t supposed to praise contractors).

And another example of healthy external validation for me is how Tarrin talks to me during our lessons. She’s as good at motivating humans as she is with horses. She sees the skills I’m improving in and lets me know, like not getting upset when Drew got annoyed and lifted both front feet in the air. I’ve gotten so much calmer than I used to be! And it helps! She let me know I’m doing better at making corrections, too. It lets me see I AM improving, at my own pace and with my own goals.

Drew got a little testy about turning left, so Tarrin had to work it out.

So I’m allowing myself to appreciate kind words and encouragement from others, but not in an unhealthy way. I’m self validating!

Lost in Time

Which activities make you lose track of time?

Ah, I’m answering this question rather than sharing my current thoughts. They’ll be more refined tomorrow.

For certain, what my husband will tell you makes me lose track of time is nature walks. I just disappear and re-emerge with no idea how long I was gone. I’m completely enthralled by the sights, sounds, and smells of new places or new things in familiar places. I don’t want it to end.

Here’s a new thing I found in the driveway! It’s delicious common purslane, a portulaca (*Portulaca oleracea*) just like the cultivated one below.

Look at the beautiful Texas Striped Sweat Bee in my volunteer portulaca/moss rose

Hanging out with the animals also can make me lose track of time. I’ve just spent twenty minutes thinking about how beautiful Carlton is to me. My love for this guy never ends.

I ended up spending more time with Drew today than I’d intended, too. I’d walked to the next-door unused mailbox to drop something off, and decided to come back through the horse pasture, you know, in case there were any interesting plants or insects. So, I was concentrating on plants when I got a feeling I was being followed.

I kept going until I felt something hot on my neck.

Then I realized Droodles was sneaking up on me.

We ended up hanging out for quite a while just enjoying each other’s company. He didn’t push me around looking for treats, just rested his head on me and asked to be scratched. It’s so good to get along with each other again!

Mostly. That ear is showing some mischief is afoot.
Yes, I’m not much of a fashionista in this weather. That shirt is very orange and the head covering looks silly but keeps hair out of my face.

Not surprisingly, the other activity that leads me to lose track of time is reading. I’ve been reading Sibley Birds, Second Edition since I bought it in New Mexico. It’s only 600+ pages. I can’t stop looking at all the birds, learning new things about familiar ones and finding out what else might be out there in Texas (and wherever else I go).

I will admit to skimming Arctic residents and ocean birds. Otherwise, I’m reading it all. But I’m in the oriole section! I’m almost done! Do not worry. I have a nice long book about animal tracks lined up. That’s what happens when people stop mailing me novels, I guess. (I’m fine for novels! I have some enqueued.)

If I’m repeating myself, forgive me. I’m working on changing my mindset and that can wear me out until I’m through the hardest part (letting go of an unproductive mindset).

Thanks for being there, friends and family. You are appreciated even when I don’t show it well.

The Good Stuff: Equine Edition Plus

A little wiped out so I can’t write something long about comfort. So I’ll be brief but positive! This blog needs that, don’t you think?

I’m just pleased as punch to be able to announce that I’m in the best relationship yet with both my horses. That’s taken a lot of work and patience, but sure feels good. I’m glad my trainer works hard and is patient, too (plus she cares).

These are her filly and new calf. They have become playmates. It is extra cute.

It’s become a true pleasure to work with Apache. Funny story: I asked Tarrin if maybe something was wrong with him, because he’s been acting so laid back and agreeable. She laughed and said maybe I’m meeting my horse for the first time. He finally feels good and is showing his friendly and fun personality all the time, and he’s calm. We’ve both come a long way in that department. Dang, it’s fun to get better together.

I don’t have a photo of him today, so here are two more friends. They are good to each other.

And Drew is back to the horse I enjoyed so much before. Whatever he was angry about has passed, and he seems to feel better, too. I guess his shots are helping. I’m enjoying him rather than just working with him because I’m supposed to. I guess we figured things out.

Me riding Drew wherever I ask him to go. It was fun.

The good stuff plus today was that I managed to actually bring myself to reach out to someone about how bad I’ve been feeling lately. She listened, came up with ideas, and made some plans. It just felt good to explain how I feel and be listened to. That’s all I needed.

I’m going to have to find something fun to do this weekend, because we aren’t going camping as planned. The bedroom slide isn’t working in Seneca (Tarrin’s son looked at it but the easy possibility of a loose wire didn’t pan out). And I don’t want to leave the animals alone with just someone feeding them. At least I can ride the horses. My friendly, well behaved horses!

This female roseate skimmer reminds us that some change is good.

Americana Listening

What is your favorite genre of music?

I guess my experience with being in a vocal trio with a Kerrville Folk Festival devotee, volunteering at a monthly folk coffeehouse for years, and living with a rock/country guitarist for three years or so doomed me. I became pretty fond of Americana music. What’s that?

I’m lucky to have lived in Austin, Texas (or thereabouts) for 30 years or more. There is a lot of Americana music to watch. I watched and listened to a lot of it with my music friends. I loved this part of my life.

Oddly, I don’t listen much anymore. I think it has to do with the loss of my older son, who is a wonderful mandolin player (he’s not dead, just refuses to speak). And some unpleasantness happened to my other son in the music scene. Plus, my vocal cords are now damaged and I can’t sing certain notes now. It has taken away the pleasure of music.

That took a dark turn. Of course there were wonderful musical moments in my life. And music moves me when I do listen. And not just Americana! I love classic rock, classical, and Celtic especially. and the music of nature, naturally. Heh heh.

Eh. I’ll stop before I go on and on about favorite artists. Enjoy looking at Fiona and Drew.

I’m fine. Just musing. Long weekend.

Birds, Horses…That Is All

I had to skip the blog prompt again, because it would have caused me to go on and on about my fears for the future. I’m living day by day right now, so hooray for birds and horses! Their only agendas are to eat more delicious food, and in the birds’ case, reproduce. No babies for the horses (Mabel is secretly glad, I’m sure).

That’s why she isn’t in this picture. She’s galloping around, thrilled to be foal free.

My highlight of the day came in my morning walk, when something white flashed in the sky. It was a shimmering white flock of birds heading dead south. It’s weird to see migrating birds in summer, but there they were.

I figured it was the local group of cattle egrets moving from one pasture to another, but they were pretty high. But even from far away I could see heads sticking out, which is not how cattle egrets fly.

When I looked at the pictures I took, I saw black on the wings. So, not egrets. Snow geese? Their black is only on the tips and you’d hear them honking. These birds had lots of black on their underwings.

In fact, I heard no sounds from these birds. I thought back to the white pelicans I saw at Tarrin’s not too long ago. They do have black on their wings. But they made noise and you could really see their heads. Not these. So I concluded these are wood storks, which are occasionally seen here (by me, in the back pond, twice). They must be late migrants.

Or I’m wrong. However, Merlin did suggest the stork as possible here this time of year and not the pelicans. A good mystery.

We will be talking about it for weeks, say the swallows.

Today was another horse lesson—due to vacations and other travel, they sort of clump together. It was extra hot again, but we figured out how to cope. I was very proud of Apache today. He was a real trooper, even though he wasn’t enjoying the heat either. He is getting SO easy to ride, and is willing to keep working on his weak areas.

We’ve found a short bamboo stick is just what helps him move off his left side. And I can use it now that I ride well enough I can use one hand on the reins. It’s what I used to do a long time ago but needed more skills. He and I are really progressing, doing things that require more finesse than effort (perfect in summer).

What’s going on here? He had to pee. He very rarely does that with a rider on. When they pee, you lean forward to relieve pressure.

And at least I got to ride Drew today. He has been doing better on the ground at honey, so I wasn’t too worried about it. First we practiced me being the boss a little bit. He’s getting the idea. Then we did some leg yields and figure 8s. In the SHADE. That part was nice.

It’s a bit challenging, but interesting to see how Drew and Apache need different techniques. No long reins for Drew! But after some pawing, backing up, and “complaining,” I was able to get him to do as requested. He worked hard. I think he sweated more than Apache.

I think we are back on track, though. Tarrin got him even hotter by reminding him how to behave when I got off, so when we were done I rinsed him off while Tarrin messed with Apache’s hooves (farrier is delayed). Drew really enjoyed the hose and I enjoyed watching him play with the sprayer. He just sucked the water right down. He can be so cute!

And that ended my day on a happy note. Hooray.

And there’s a good chance the upstairs air conditioning will be fixed soon! It’s bearable, though.

Silly Costume Question

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

I’m tired from four hours in today’s heat, so I hadn’t planned to blog. However, I can handle this question and want to know your answers, too. Here’s what I could wear every day:

No, my Bitmoji avatar doesn’t look much like me. But it has a red t-shirt, blue jeans, and red shoes, probably in my old age I should trade the cowboy boots for Skechers slip ons. I would accessorize with turquoise jewelry. Under it would be my extra comfy MeUndies bra-like thing and matching soft, practical undies, tie dye print. I’d be fine.

My shadow would look just like this, other than the bare foot.

What would you wear?

Otherwise I had a good day of work and helpful horse lessons. Apache is doing so well and is really becoming Mr. Reliable. Drew was a bit sore and jumpy. He got so sweaty he looked black.

Here he is indicating his opinion of moving left correctly.

I did get a few nice photos of the horses today. My favorite is Dusty and Mabel enjoying a drink together.

And here’s the whole herd wishing you the peace and abundance they have, mostly.

It’s All Black Beauty’s Fault

Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?

Surprise! As a child I was very fond of, you guessed it, horse books. I read every horse book in the Sidney Lanier Elementary School library by third grade. The last book the librarian found was Steinbeck’s The Red Pony. She soon learned that sensitive young girls should not be given that book, even if they have advanced reading skills. I cried a lot and had nightmares.

I didn’t like the thought of horses dying gruesome deaths.

I’m glad they now have books for young people with high reading levels that are still children.

My favorite childhood book, Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell, also depicted bad things that happen to a horse, but after I’d read it once, I knew there would be a happy ending, so I let all Sewell’s animal rights propaganda seep into my future Master Naturalist brain by reading my poor copy dozens of times.

This was the 1955 edition I owned. Goodness, that horse has small eyes.

I can tell you what the cover looked like, and how I regretted that I let the plastic coating on the cover peel away. I can smell the book, even. It was the most beloved of a set of beloved horse books, a few of which I still have.

No wonder it was so important to me to find a trainer who was kind to horses and understood them. It’s probably a good thing I waited until I was getting on in years to start formal lessons, so that natural horsemanship could become a “thing.” I wouldn’t have been good at the showing the horse who’s boss by beating them school of training nor the cruel bits/painful sours tack they’d use. Black Beauty didn’t like that either!

That stuff’s for the birds, says Mr Cardinal.

Today was a great example of how Tarrin Warren, my horsemanship coach and horse trainer, works with each horse and rider pair differently, according to the needs and skills of both the horse and the human.

Check this out! Me and Drew happily riding outside of the arena! Happy faces.

I had lessons on both horses, and doing the same exercise I used different techniques to bring out Drew and Apache’s talents and help with their issues, all the while building my skills. This helps me with my confidence in other areas, too.

This horse right here calmly walked by neighing horses, a loud RV, and the previously hated trailer.

Horses are good for people. And looking at Apache’s shining eyes and willing body makes me think maybe they get something from us, too.

Drew is completely back to his normal self, too. It’s like the past few months never happened. We have fun and I feel perfectly safe with him, even when his leg collapses under him. Heck, today I gave him his shot like a pro, and had ZERO issues bridling him. Those are two things I’d never have believed I could do before.

So yeah, as much as I loved learning about horses in books as a child, I’m loving it even more with actual horses. Yup, even with all the ups and downs.

Here we are, looking forward to the future. Or looking at Tarrin’s new house.

Tomorrow I promise to write about something other than horses! Or birds. I’m getting rather stuck on topics, but it helps me avoid controversy.

But we birds are fascinating, says the Red-Bellied Woodpecker.

I’m also interesting! (Giant Walking Stick)

What about me? I came in Suna’s house and she rescued me before dogs found me. That’s interesting. (Gulf Coast Toad)