Trying to stay on an even keel these days is a challenge, isn’t it? No need to name all the reasons why, because you know the ones that affect us all, and we each have our own personal stresses, grief, and challenges.
Today was one of those days when the dam burst and I felt all the feelings. I needed to feel them so I could regroup. The Buddha reminds us that life is suffering, but he also shared ways to cope, grow, learn, and move on.
That’s what I’m reminding myself of today, as I processed warmongers, school shootings, friends’ loss of parents, and frightening political climate.
Trite but true: all things must pass.
Like these bluebirds and brown birds, I feel like. I don’t know which way to go, so I teeter in the middle.
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.
It may be unsurprising for people to choose their father in responding to this prompt. Many people are positively influenced by their fathers, after all, and I’m privileged to be one of them.
Me and Dad in around 1985.
Now, I talk about my dad, Edwin Prince Kendall, often in the blog, both in positive and negative ways. As we were reflecting on our parents and how we would never give up on them, even when things get tough, my young friend Ellie and I agreed that our parents sacrificed a lot to help us have a good life.
Easter in about 1965.
If I had parents longer, I’d love to have helped them in return. But Dad only needed computer help and a listening ear, which I gladly lent him.
I want to focus on one positive influence dad had on me (no, not my morals, ethics, and political leanings, though he sure contributed to them). What I remember is how he got through emotionally painful times. I’m trying to use his example to help myself.
My mother died 40 years ago this week at age 62. She was sick for many years prior to that, as she dealt with various conditions exacerbated by her extreme depression and anxiety. Then repeated bouts of lung cancer required many hospitalizations and treatments. During this time, Dad was the sole provider for the family, and managed to contribute to my college expenses on top of all that (I worked and had a Merit Scholarship to help).
Mom, Maury, and our “sister,” Pumpkin in the late 1970s.
I know how stressful it was for him to watch Mom fade, especially as she could never stop smoking. Dad also traveled for work usually more than half the week, so my brother stayed at home during college so he could help with mom. That was a big sacrifice, but what people do for those they love. I truly appreciate it.
Dad always had his sense of humor, though, and strove to keep life “normal” as long as he could. I learned from this. Even in hard times, you can enjoy what’s still good.
Oddly, though, I think how he handled the stress was the best example. He’d get frustrated at Mom or me or my brother, for sure. And he had more than a few drinks. But mostly, he’d go outside and garden or build something. He used physical activity to help with stress, creating beauty everywhere. That’s a great example to follow.
Dad liked flowers as much as I do. Plus he had a green thumb.
I remember the last thing he built in our last house with Mom was a gazebo by our pool. I think she only got to sit in it a few times, but she watched him build it right outside her bedroom window and knew he loved her. Dad’s love didn’t waver when things got tough. That’s how I want to be.
My playhouse and treehouse he built when we were young.
Yep. Dad was a good guy and a good example in so many ways.
It’s a pretty sad day over at the Hermits’ Rest. This morning I noticed Goldie was limping. Soon after, Lee pointed out a huge lump on her left front leg. What the heck?
That was not there yesterday
Well, Lee was already planning to take Harvey in for his lump and official diagnosis, but he went over to Dr. Amy’s mobile clinic and asked them to come by when they were done in Cameron (not cheap, but better than trying to transport the two big dogs).
It’s true. She weighs 135. We checked.
So, they showed up and the challenges of looking at our dogs commenced. Looking at Goldie was easy. She loves Kelly the vet tech and volunteered to be looked at, poked, and prodded by Amy, too. Then she happily trotted off to the truck to get weighed. We need more Goldies.
Did I mention it was raining?
The bad news is that the lump is probably a mast-cell tumor. Yes, they can pop up that fast. Those are the bad ones. Dammit. She has some heavy-duty steroids and antibiotics to take to see if that will shrink it. She’s getting the treatment for anthrax. Intense. Of course she won’t eat it. Lee is working on her.
I’m picky. But I need to live, because Suna loves me.
It was harder to treat Harvey. He was all shivery and snappy. But with patience, Kelly got him muzzled and Amy was able to palpate his lump. Thankfully, it felt full of fluid, not bad things. It is the least of his worries.
We’re never coming back down (the toilet paper is used to block off the stairs).
The blood work on Harvey came back really bad. All his liver levels are awful, which means liver cancer. That’s the last thing our family needs, more of that. His abdomen is swelling, too. We discussed options and decided to try a medication that can help in dogs, Denamarin. It’s helped Pickle, Anita’s dog. I don’t know that it can do much, but it will be less traumatic than taking him somewhere to get scanned, which would just tell us what we already know. Sniff.
I’m still happy, other than when vet people are around.
A funny thing or two. We were all concerned he was losing hair. Well, he isn’t. Harvey had been shaved last week to remove a cyst, and the other smooth patch was from something else they did last week that Lee didn’t remember or know about. Also, Carlton was hilarious. He ran to greet them when they came in, but when he saw who it was, his tail went between his legs and his hair stood on end. Whoa, he is not fond of veterinarians.
I’ll just stay back here behind Harvey. He’ll protect me.
Were we done yet? No. Lee’s brother had asked if Dr. Amy had come to trim Vlassic’s toenails. No, she had not. No one wants to trim his toenails. He has gotten worse and worse about it as he ages, but the nails hurt Jim. So, they said they’d give it a try, as the rain began to pour.
This went very badly. Kelly tried to just hold Vlassic, but he acted like he was being murdered. It was horrific. He bit and screamed until Amy was able to stick a needle in him. They covered him in a towel until he settled. I don’t think we will let them try without sedation again, to save on potential human injuries. What an embarrassment.
The aftermath.
Oh, and I forgot the icing on the cake: when Vlassic was squealing, Penney ran out through the gate and tried to take matters into her own hands. She started biting his butt! So we had to remove her and Goldie both. They were upset, of course.
Was I a good dog? Well, at least I was a wet dog!
We are just going to take things one day at a time now. At least horses are doing ok at the moment. I spent a lot of time after the rain stopped just walking around and breathing. I’m glad I have some centering tools to help me deal with this stuff.
Pretty lightWasp cleaning herself after the rainFour cardinalsTime to breathe.
And to top it all off there was another school shooting murder spree. Why do we keep giving unstable people access to assault weapons?
In my bullet journal this morning is an entry saying:
Blog without whining
Suna
All right then. Today Lee and I are camping in the bedroom, where it is warm. Penney has discovered the space heater and has freed up Lee’s lap.
Happy dog, and coffee station.
Meanwhile, Carlton is under my layers of blankets and knitting. Oddly enough, I haven’t knitted much, due to checking in on people who have things much worse than I do. We certainly can’t go anywhere, as we now have a pretty layer of ice!
Carlton and shawl project, with Harvey butt.
I’m grateful to helpers today! Kathleen’s cows got more hay, and I have no idea how they got it there, unless they did it last night. And Ralph is heroically caring for the horses. He deserves a medal. I will eventually creep over to the chickens with warm water and food. I’m hoping they are still there.
Still, we cope.
Anita and Kathleen are both still without power. I’m grateful for Anita’s gas fireplace and Kathleen’s endless supply of candles.
Meanwhile, one of my coworkers has come down with gall bladder symptoms. For gosh sake! They already have no power and certainly can’t drive to a doctor. Another colleague had water coming through her entryway light fixture, and we ALL know water and electricity don’t mix! And, word just came in that an Austin neighbor has water pouring into their garage. No whining! At least it’s the garage and not inside!
Cameron residents don’t have to worry about water pipes bursting at the moment, since the water is off. Too many water lines burst. I’m just hoping my poor sister muddles through, since we can’t get to her! I appreciate all the news my friend Lynn sends, since she gets all the alerts.
And newsflash! Pamela reports no mail because no mail trucks have arrived in days. Lee says they also have computer trouble. At least the weather has downplayed that potential conspiracy theory generator.
Once again, though, I’m impressed with how people are supporting each other and staying in touch. My friends and family are being so kind and caring about sending me news! Now I gotta go check in on more folks.
If I hadn’t put out decorations in my houses, I wouldn’t remember that Halloween is in a few days. All that fun spookiness and pretending to be scared has fallen by the wayside in my circles. Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY seems to have real fears right now. It doesn’t matter who you are or what social group you’re a member of, you’re probably scared, or at least really concerned.
People in the US seem to be the most scared, but friends around the world have been expressing their concerns to me or in public forums. The elections coming next Tuesday are alarming people. People are scared of fraud, roaming militias, unseemly riots, government failures, mayhem, the apocalypse, a military coup, bombs…you name it, if it’s bad, people are afraid of it.
According to an article in today’s The USA Today, 70% of US adults are anxious about the upcoming election. That obviously includes people from all parts of the political spectrum! The article describes what people around me have been saying:
The majority of American adults say they feel it. The anxiety, the fear, the dread.
They feel it before bed and when they wake at night, at red lights and in grocery store lines, at desks and dinner tables. Quiet moments are no longer a refuge, but spaces to ruminate, contemplate, to grapple with how risky it is to hope.
Only 52% were anxious in 2016 (I should have been MORE anxious). The thing is, no matter who wins, the other side will be doubtful about the results. I can see that. It doesn’t bode well. And taking deep breaths won’t help in that situation, will it? I have been wondering if there are any ideas I can share with y’all, my real-life friends, and my family (who run the gamut of beliefs and expectations).
For example, let’s not imagine the future this way, okay?
Thank goodness for Alia E. Dastagir, who wrote this helpful article, and thank goodness I found it when I was faliling around searching for ways to cope. I’ll share her ideas for dealing with the next few days, weeks, or months, but feel free to head on over to the original article for details.
Avoid doomscrolling. That means don’t obsess over the news and check outlets repeatedly. You could even take some time off.
Prepare for a period of uncertainty. Ugh, I don’t want to do that! I want things to be DONE. Well, too bad. We need to find ways to remain strong while waiting for things to settle down. And there’s where I’m grasping at straws. Dastagir did NOT tell me how to do that.
Dare to hope. Dastagir points out that many people in the US no longer dare hope. At least there’s a suggestion on this one, which is to focus on finding something you can actually DO. I think all the postcard writing some of my friends did helped in that way.
Avoid black-and-white thinking. That is easy to fall into, especially for some of us. WE’RE DOOMED! I have been doing a fairly good job of avoiding that kind of thing myself. I try to remind myself that we are all fellow humans, and that awful stuff has happened throughout history and at least SOME people make it through it…so, maybe I’m not doing such a great job of avoiding doom and gloom. But, we can all try together, right?
Don’t despair. This may be easier said than done, but we are implored not to despair if our candidate does not win. The psychology professor quoted in the article recommended that we try to avoid people who may be gloating or in ecstasy for the first few days after a contentious election is settled. That is what I did in 2016, though that was easier then than it is now.
This time, I may have to leave town.
This looks nice. Image by @ctayers via Twenty20.
Hey, do any of YOU have any good suggestions for how to deal with what’s going to be a hard time for at least half of us, no matter what the outcome?
Yesterday I was talking to my therapist (a thing I do, because I think it’s good for you). I started describing all the things that are making this a rather stressful time. I went on and on. I ended up with quite a hefty list of things that combine to make me, perhaps, not at my best right now. For example, these are so of the things running through my mind.
Suna’s Bulleted List of Concerns
My job changes
The new company
Family health issues
The pandemic
Presidential election
My kids’ issues
Wildfires
Hurricanes
Police killings of Black people
Isolation
Mean people
Etc.
Well, yeah, probably just a couple of those would be enough for one period of time. My neck tingling started up just by typing that. How shall I cope?
Just like the Pope Residence has endured many changes and challenges, so must we.
I don’t think it’s healthy to ignore the things that are challenging us or threatening people we care about; I have noticed that things you try to bury eventually emerge to bit you in the butt. I want to be able to acknowledge them, then set aside the things I can’t do anything about (viruses, fires, rain). Worrying won’t change these natural phenomena I can do little to affect.
That leaves me with the things I do need to deal with. I’ll just minimize contact with mean people, keep in better touch with the kid who talks to me, donate to elections, work hard to figure my job out without letting it consume me, be there for my family, and cheer on the new business without getting in the way.
See, I even have reminders to be full of gratitude for what doesn’t suck, right outside my office door.
As for police killings of Black people, I am continuing my own education about racism by reading Caste, by Isabel Wilkerson with a group. They are reading one chapter a day, so it will take a while, but they are serious and ask lots of questions. It would have been interesting to read How to Be an Antiracist that way. And as for concrete actions, I’ve volunteered to be on the diversity committee at work, though I have to say I also plan to work on supporting elders like myself and my LGBTQ friends.
Just by examining how I am dealing with the challenges the world is presenting I feel better and more like I am handling these hard times as well as any other imperfect human could.
The Rewarding Part
And, for my friends and followers who prefer to focus only on what is good in life and what they are grateful for, I will happily acknowledge that I DO stop and smile at the good things that surround me.
Simulation of what I saw. Image by @ashleytaylor1987 via Twenty20.
I wish I could have captured the moment visually, but this morning, as I stepped out of the house to go to my car, the sun had just risen, and was casting a golden glow (smoke particles, no doubt). The grass was heavy with dew, so heavy that the blades were all bending down from the weight of drops of water. Each water droplet looked like it was made of gold, thanks to the sun. I walked to the car in a glistening, gold and green carpet. Yeah, my feet got wet, but it was worth it!
What have you encountered on this day the Earth has brought us? Are you safe or in a storm? What comforts you as you deal with your own bulleted list of concerns?
While I do try to remain upbeat, some days are easier than other. And the daily grind is challenging. I don’t know anyone who disagrees with that right now!
Every day I hear grim statistics about COVID-19. Every day I read about people who “don’t believe in” the virus. Every day I see people scurrying around in masks trying to complete their business and get back home. Every day I see people playing contact sports, walking in large groups, and choosing to ignore social distancing practices.
Everyone has their own ideas of what’s safe, it seems.
How do you deal with the conflict that’s so obvious in our state and nation during this pandemic? I don’t think yelling at each other is a good idea. Shaming doesn’t seem to work. Everyone’s stressed out enough as it is, and being yelled at and shamed won’t make anyone change what they’re doing. I totally understand that, but I also understand how people react that way.
So, I’m looking for input. What are some ways of coping and maintaining an even keel that you’ve tried? Here are a few of mine (which aren’t working too well right now):
Deep breathing
Limiting reading of social and news media
Spending time with animals
Reading cheerful books and magazines
Writing letters
Doing kind things for others (I ordered some herbal supplements for a young friend, for example, since I could get them at a discount)
I hit my limit on Wednesday. Today I surpassed it.
Work continued to annoy, mainly from being out of the loop when hard work was supposed to be done as a team. We worked it out.
Glad I had my squishy thing today.
And. We had been waiting to close on our Villa Park property all week. Ever so many weird delays occurred.
I was sad and disheveled.
I had hoped for a quiet day in the Cameron office today, but nope. While I was in Austin, all sorts of…things happened on our Pope Residence project, but no one had told me.
They also broke this light fixture.
Blah blah. Who cares. At some point I just started crying as Kathleen talked to me. I just wanted to flee. I couldn’t take any more bad news.
The bathroom window looks out on the yard now. The scary laundry room is gone.
I didn’t. Breathing occurred, and I sat through all my meetings, politely said how I felt, and did my work for all my jobs.
There the laundry room isn’t.
We actually got the closing on that house done, though our real estate agent, Carol, had to drive up to Cameron to bring the papers and our friend Liz had to rush through all the papers. Whew.
Carol and Sierra rest during their brief stop in Cameron for the closing.
I just decided to go with the flow. It worked. Sometimes that’s all you can do!
Yep. That’s an incredible number of papers for sellers.
The sight of all the work going on at the Pope Residence, along with thoughts of chandeliers for our offices helped. And some wine.
Nothing relaxes me more than decorating houses, so tonight Kathleen and I looked for chandeliers for our offices. Which one do you like best?
Three chandeliers.
I’m sure things will settle down soon. I’m sure being out of the loop won’t be permanent. Challenges are part of life!
Hi, friends. I interrupt this period of “hermiting” to share a little bit of what I’ve learned about myself and how I handle stress and anxiety now as opposed to how I used to. I’m hoping it might help someone else to at least realize they aren’t the only ones with these confounding symptoms.
As we know, nature is a great thing for dealing with anxiety.
Like in a game of Giant Jenga, anxiety can make you feel like just one more thing will cause you to crash.
I’m lucky that a combination of a low dose of an anti-depressant, meditation, yoga, and a good therapist mean that I don’t have the generalized, daily, anxiety symptoms I used to. It’s just when things pile up or there’s some big new stress source (just family stuff; it’s okay) that my old symptom friends make a rare appearance.
For one thing, when that happens, I think to myself, “Oh, there are my symptoms again…I’d better pay attention to what is going on and see if I can ameliorate something and nip this in the bud.” In the past, I’d just wallow, think about how I must be at fault and must have caused this myself, and feel helpless.
The Hermits' Rest 