The Hermits' Rest

Sitting and Knitting

Today, I was casting my mind back to times when I felt safe and secure. I don’t feel that way much of the time these days. Too much animosity and too much that baffles me.

The one time I truly felt safe and free to be me came between middle school and high school, when my parents sent sad, mopey Suna to spend two weeks with the people who lived across the street from us in Gainesville. I had a borrowed bike and no agenda while Lila and Ralph were at work. I read, I walked, I cycled through town trying to memorize every old house and tiny lane. I pined after the boy I’d liked before I had to move away.

No one picked on me, no one put pressure on me to be more feminine, no one tried to guilt me into doing things I didn’t want to. My anxiety (which I didn’t know was anxiety at the time) went way down.

Every night after dinner, we sat in their little living room with their two Basenjis. Ralph read and Lila and I knitted (I may have crocheted). I remember feeling so peaceful with this happy older couple enjoying each other’s company. At that time, the idea came to me that my happy times might be like that.

As I’ve looked and looked for peace and safety, I have always felt safest in my home with my partner, occupying my hands with a craft. This evening, for example, I felt a wave of calm and contentment as I watched yet another square of my blanket complete. I’m continuing Lila’s tradition of just sitting and knitting in peace and safety. (Even if it’s fleeting)

Plus, I had a sweet glimmer today, as I floated in the pool after horse time. I felt something in my arm, opened my eyes, and came face to face with another of our ubiquitous damselflies. They love the pool. This one was so pale as to appear ghostly gray. She ended up on my watch, and as the wind blew us around, she came between me and the afternoon sun. Her little wings just glowed. That was a glimmer.

I looked at her. She looked at me. Photo by MacroGrant.

I was disappointed in the moon tonight, since the full, blue super moon’s rise was behind a bank of clouds. Around 9 pm we went back out to enjoy its intense glow. None of the photos came out well, but my mind captured it!

As a bonus, I saw this year’s resident Gulf Coast Toad on the front porch as I headed inside. At first she was flattened so much that she looked like cow poop. She sat up, and from that perspective she was shaped like an ostrich egg. I guess she’s found plenty to eat during the drought. I’m glad for the big gal!

The Weather Gods Smiled

Today was my first horse lesson since July. I was not sad to miss trying to learn while getting heatstroke. What a relief it was to have a break in the weather —two days with highs less than 100. Plus there were lovely clouds (Tarrin says it’s my job to bring them) and a nice breeze.

There was NO breeze at sunrise, so I sweated during horse and hay work.

I could concentrate on learning and so could the horses. Apache showed how hard he studied since I got back from Myrtle Beach and did his skills pretty well. I’m just so proud of him.

Drew has some work to do to get back his leg strength and re-learn to focus, but it shouldn’t take long. He’s still just the sweetest little boundary pusher.

I’m really not interested in sunset photography, Mom.

A bonus of getting home at sunset was seeing the beautiful full moon rise. It’s also a blue moon and I think a super moon? Anyway, I enjoyed watching it rise as the sky turned beautiful colors in every direction.

I couldn’t decide what parts of the sky were prettier. Judging from the impatient nickers I heard, the horses and Fiona weren’t as enthralled as I was. They did get their food!

It was a good day all around for me. I even got to have a work meeting with a Facebook friend, which was fun. We were tickled pink. I’m glad for these bright spots. The more glimmers the better!

Letting Go…Probably Good

In this autumn season of my life,* I’m finding it necessary to let go of many things, from long-held beliefs to long-admired people. No doubt you, too, have found this to be a struggle. Sometimes you just have to let go of the metaphorical rope and see where you end up.

I have been there, and have the T-shirt.

This can work literally, as well. Today when we got back to the ranch, the weather was a little better than when we left town. I felt empowered to ride Apache in the afternoon rather than my usual morning rides on days when it’s over 105°.

I even groomed him completely rather than a quick removal of saddle-area dirt. That’s good, because all the horses appear to have rolled in the dirt after our .004” of rain yesterday. He was orange. Then I saddled up and headed out for a wee ride. I didn’t plan to trot much, since our ground is so hard.

They are resting up, I guess, having escaped after we left. Drew is STILL rolling.

After warming up (our muscles—at 95° we were already warm) I swung into the saddle, only to realize I’d forgotten his bridle. Fine. I “let go of the reins” and we rode around doing circles, figure eights, side passes (sorta), and backing in the round pen. Then we went outside and walked around the pen in both directions, finally heading back to the tack room, where the bridle was waiting.

I ended the ride on the high note of riding with no reins. We were both pleased with ourselves, I think.

Let’s pause to enjoy May-July on the temperature blanket.

If only letting go in other areas could be as easy…wait, that wasn’t easy! We’ve worked years to get here and needed lots of help. Aha! That applies to all areas of life!

And just like how I didn’t know how well the ride would go until I tried, I’m going to have to keep trying to let go of the reins and let go of patterns and people who are holding me back from the peaceful and productive life I want to enjoy from now on.

I hope my roots are as sturdy as this oak’s

I’ll keep practicing and rely on wise mentors as I get better at surrounding myself with strength and love while letting go of anything that makes me anxious, sad, or powerless.

* In my optimistic view, spring is birth to 30 years, summer 31-60, autumn 61-90, and winter begins at 90. Why not?

Water! Maybe

It was a good Sunday of camping at McKinney Falls State Park, near Austin, Texas. The motorhome kept us at no more than 81° when it was 109° outside, so we’re proud of it. I did indeed get up early to hike, and I enjoyed it a lot. I had plenty of Gatorade and some snacks, so I didn’t get stressed at all.

There’s a new trail at this park, so of course I took it. It was so peaceful. I did get to see a young skunk (too fast to photograph) and a cute little woodpecker.

I wish I hadn’t turned the wrong way at the end of the new trail and headed back to where I started, but I ended up seeing lots of beauty anyway.

I just kept going when I got back to our campsite and hiked over to the lower falls. I’ve always loved that place. On my way I passed the extra pleasant picnic spots. Many are very secluded and shady. I’ll have to eat there sometime.

The waterfalls on Onion Creek are a Texas treasure, and they’re different every time you visit. This year there was just a trickle going into the swimming hole.

I’ve seen these falls even drier than this, in 2011, and also flowing like crazy in rainy times. When this creek floods, it FLOODS.

Views of Onion Creek between the upper and lower falls.

I like it when you can walk around the limestone formations and see little pools full of fish and marvel at the power of water. Some of this area looks like a moonscape or another planet.

I was relieved to see some actual flowers blooming and fruiting as well as actual insects. I feel hope that things will turn around soon.

And that turnaround may happen sooner rather than later. A front May have brought the ranch some rain this evening, and down here genuine clouds appeared and it was pleasant enough to sit outside at our campsite. It felt like normal camping!

I’m looking forward to getting home and being able to work more with Drew and Apache without overheating each other. But this time in nature, even with heat, is so healing and calming. I’m glad Lee and I decided to trace before we become unable to do so.

Sure, There’s Life in These Woods

While I’m pretty sure I’ll go somewhere greener to camp next August, I’ve been trying to find the positive aspects of visiting McKinney Falls in a drought with a heat dome on top of it.

I assure you, it’s hot. Good thing water drips off this RV!

For one thing, it’s very quiet. I only saw one campsite playing loud music on my early walk (and they are serious—they have an outdoor lighted disco ball). I’ve only seen three people walking dogs, and only two groups have f children, all moving slowly. I assume they all went to the swimming area.

I just walked around all the campsites this morning, to determine where to park next time we come, in the spring! Some are very large and shady. I took pictures.

I also looked to see how the plants were doing. I found a couple of areas that must be near the creeks, because they looked better. Mostly all understory plants are shriveled up.

What a surprise it was to see a rain lily! It did rain 5 minutes on Thursday here!

Trees look better, except the cedar elms and hackberry trees. They are dumping leaves to conserve their internal water supply, as I learned in a Master Naturalist class.

Look at the cool texture on this large persimmon tree’s bark.

There were a lot of birds this morning, which cheered me up. This afternoon, though, even the incessant cardinal chatter has died down. I heard typical birds for this area, though I was surprised to find a summer tanager still hanging around. Otherwise here’s what was around (including seen and heard): blue-gray gnatcatcher, blue Jay, cardinal, Carolina chickadee, Carolin wren, crow, dickcissel, goldfinch, house finch, Phoebe, red-winged blackbird, titmouse, turkey vulture, warbling vireo, and the white-eyed vireo. Not bad for summer.

Carolina wren, the only bird I photographed

The best part of today was that my friend Susan, who lives near San Antonio, came up yesterday to camp with us. She was trying out her very cute little Casita camper before taking it on a longer trip. I don’t think I’d seen her since 2016, though we’ve Zoomed since then.

She had enough RV adventures for more than one trip, but got through it! First, the water line broke at her campsite, quite spectacularly. It took a lot of effort, Shop vacs, and extension cords to get things shut off. The park police officer said he missed the day they taught water line maintenance in his training. The park ranger said she missed hers, too. I felt bad for them. It was so hot.

Because they had to turn her water off, Susan just stayed one night. We did get to enjoy a nice chat this morning about horses and mental health, etc.

Sadly, on her way home, the hitch fell off! Luckily the chains held and she safely got off the highway. After getting some help, she made it home and should have time to get repairs done before her next trip. Whew!

She will drive like this guy, just in case. Ha ha.

We relaxed in the heat of the day. I may try to walk a little around sunset. I’ll get up early again to do the hike and bike trail in the morning. I will take water!

I was very excited to find this feather. I pretty quickly realized it’s from a parrot, probably a park visitor. No native bird has giant blue and yellow feathers!

Oh! And good health news! I am feeling less throat pain, so I may be back to happy thyroid time. Yay!

My nail polish is dazzling and unnatural, too.

Hope you enjoy the pictures!

I Was Wrong (about summer camping in Texas)

I thought if I skipped July and didn’t camp until late August, it might be pretty. Well, I’m in one of the prettiest places I’ve ever been (in other years and other seasons), and it’s depressingly hot, crunchy, and dead.

The good news is that there are empty sites, and it’s pretty quiet with hardly anyone outside.

The bad news is all the trees are super stressed, all the small plants are dried up and not blooming, I haven’t seen any butterflies or other insects, and I’ve heard two birds.

This cedar elm looks better than many, which are all brown.

Plus the bedroom won’t slide out for some reason, so I don’t get to try out the office setup I’d planned, which involves an Indian tall ottoman and a “chair pillow.” Hoping we figure it out and can try again next time. I can sleep just fine (especially since I took painkillers for my throat).

I’ll have more blistering hot camping tales tomorrow. I’ll get up early to walk a little.

At least the air conditioning is working!

No Fun Being Sickly

Nope. It ain’t fun. But at least I diagnosed myself correctly!

So, my thyroid numbers were low and my metabolism was, shall we say, sloth-like. I had a low heart rate, was tired a lot, etc. So the Physicians Assistant I go to started me on medication, the standard dosage. Starting about five weeks ago, I took it correctly every morning before eating, and was proud of myself.

About two weeks ago, I started having a sore throat. I chalked it up to allergens or something. When the time came to renew the prescription, I wrote the PA and mentioned the sore throat, in case it might be my thyroid. He said it was probably just what was going around.

What I knew was that I’d experienced an inflammation in my thyroid before. I was trying to prove to my kids’ dad that I could be all thin and athletic. I rode my fancy bike every day and impressed myself with my weight loss. I looked hot, for me. But I had a sore throat. Sure enough it wasn’t just the exercise making me lose weight. It was my thyroid going into overdrive. Dang.

I got all fixed up from that and was ok and thin (but not athletic enough to keep the spouse). Then I started experiencing horrible and weird pains (while the spouse was off cycling in the Italian Alps and meeting his buff future wife). It turned out the sudden weight loss had broken my gall bladder. It was not my best year. At least the spouse waited to move out until I recuperated from removing it. I appreciate that!

The point behind this trip up and down the Alps of memory lane is that I know what an inflamed thyroid feels like. That’s now established, as well as my lack of bile regulation.

Last night I had trouble sleeping, so I decided my throat pain was probably not some virus. I peered into it with my phone flashlight and didn’t see signs of strep. So I went back to the local clinic.

Thankfully, the other practitioner listened to me. She also felt my throat. That hurt. But yes! I DO have thyroiditis. The plan is to reduce the dose of the thyroid hormone so I won’t be a sloth but I won’t be zipping around either.

I’ll go back next week to reevaluate my precious glands. If it isn’t better, I get an ultrasound.

Hurry up, Mabel. She wants to exercise me.

Send me good vibes! I do not enjoy being sick. It’s been really hard trying to get the horses exercise, between the heat and the pain. They are sweet and patient as we do maneuvers at a walk on the hard, cracked dirt. But we aren’t exactly having fun.

I’m not having fun and you aren’t even riding me.

I do feel vindicated. I was not being a hysterical woman. I really am a bit out of whack (physically). We know I’m a pretty whacky person mentally!

Book Report: Horse

After I finished my depressing but informative book on Florida history in Myrtle Beach, I had some extra time to read, but my huge pile of magazines was at home. But that’s why I brought my Kindle with me! I opened the next book on my list, Horse, by Geraldine Brooks (2021), and got sucked in deeply.

The title makes you wonder what aspect of a horse the book will be about.

It turns out to be a book about race horses, horse racing in the 1800s, modern skeletal reconstruction, race relations (past and present, all sad as hell), art history, and love (among people and animals). Something for everybody, by gosh.

The first part of the book made me want to run show it to Tarrin and Sara, who love horse anatomy so much. Brooks goes into a lot of detail and it’s so accurate. In fact, she’s accurate about everything, as far as I can tell. She is one excellent researcher.

Lexington’s skeleton when it was displayed outdoors.

Horse chronicles the great American race horse, Lexington and his lifetime companion, Jarrett, who grows to be a man as Lexington ages. Interspersed with their story is a story about what happened to Lexington’s bones and the portraits painted of him as he aged. We learn about the artists, horse owners, jockeys, who revolve around Lexington and how they negotiate respect and trust during the time before the US Civil War. Race relations among the modern-day folks are equally complicated, but feel quite real.

To write about all this, Brooks did a LOT of research. I mean, a lot. She comes across as knowledgeable about so many different things that my mind was practically blown. This book satisfied my desire to learn as well as my love of a good story. I guess I can see how she won a Pulitzer Prize in the past.

Lexington the horse was such an interesting animal, and thank goodness he was raised well. It makes me feel great about how I treat my horses, though they aren’t fancy!

Not all the parts of Horse that dealt with race relations weren’t all awful. There was love and respect, which always give me hope. However the sad parts were really sad, and after reading about how horribly early white settlers acted in Florida in my previous book, I feel more and more hopeless. People aren’t going to change. They are going to find ways to dehumanize and demean those they deem to be the “other.”

Sorry about the pessimism, but mine is growing worse and worse. Nonetheless, I just loved the book and all the characters in it. Brooks may be Australian, but she sure knows how to depict US history vividly.

If you like horses, horse lovers, and history, you’ll just love this book. Want to know more about Lexington? Here’s a good article.

What’s the Opposite of a Glimmer?

Many of you enjoyed looking for glimmers after yesterday’s blog post. I loved hearing about them. Today I discovered the opposite of a glimmer, which I decided is a glower (rhymes with “power”). It’s a sudden, intense feeling of pain or negativity that quickly passes.

My glimmer today was finding this little grasshopper sitting beside me on my chair. I had a buddy.

I experienced a glower when I stepped into the swimming pool after my sweaty horse time. I trod directly onto a non-dead honeybee on the step. Sudden, intense pain occurred on my second toe. I got the stinger out quickly, thanks to my tweezer-like fingernails. Then I stayed in the water a while. I don’t think I got much venom in me. By the time my swim was over, my toe was fine. So I had a glower.

Insert imaginary bee here

I’m a poor photojournalist, though, because I decided to wait to get a picture of the bee, who was at least spared drowning and got to express her rage. By the time I got to the phone, the blustery winds had sent her off.

Yeah, winds. A mere 60 miles to the south of us, a tropical storm brought a bit of rain. We once again got clouds and wind. Sigh.

I experienced Freundenfreude (opposite of schadenfreude) with my happiness for my friends’ in Travis and Williamson Counties’ good fortune. Good for them. We will stay crunchy, however.

I gave the horses different food bowls. Maybe the one in the middle there won’t take these out into the pasture.

The wind was helpful, though. I was able to ride Apache briefly and we both lived. Whew. I am semi confident that we will get back to our regular schedule soon. I sure hope so.

The tack room quarterly cleaning is also complete. No fainting occurred.

Clouds, Breezes, and Other Small Pleasures

I’ve been reading a lot about “glimmers” these days, which are little moments of joy or comfort that occur in daily life. I love this concept, because I realized quickly that I live for these moments of fleeting happiness. Today I had a few of these, as well as some larger pleasures. And I want to share some daily glimmers I’ve noticed.

Glimmers of Surprise

One glimmer today came when I finished cleaning the tack room and was chatting with my son (a larger pleasure) and I looked in the window to see a sparkling dragonfly. It pleased me so much! (It’s outside now.)

I was also filled with joy by another dragonfly today. I was listening for birds to write about in a Master Naturalist blog, when a little fellow I’d never seen before distracted me by repeatedly landing on the barbed wire as if to say, “take my picture.” I did so, then enjoyed the interesting way these checkered setwings hold themselves. I’m still smiling at how cute this guy was. A great pair of glimmers.

Large Pleasures

My larger pleasure today came when the horses were scheduled to have their hooves trimmed. I was not looking forward to it at all, given the weather lately and the fact that it was scheduled for the hottest part of the day.

But, the weather deities smiled on me and Terry the farrier. First, the horses were already in their pens, so I didn’t have to chase them, and then, as we began to work on Dusty, a lovely breeze sparked up and some genuine clouds passed over. In the shade, it wasn’t bad at all.

Then the horse calmness deities smiled and caused all four horses to have their most pleasant moods, which meant that the trimming went very quickly with few mishaps. Even Mabel’s feet are looking better, perhaps because I’ve been feeding her good food?

The only little mishap came when it was Drew’s turn. He’d been snoozing while the other four were getting worked on, and seemed to really want to continue his nap. In fact, he started snoozing with his leg in the air getting rounded off, and slipped off, hitting his head on my arm. I was surprised to see I have a bruise and abrasion! Poor little guy didn’t mean it, of course.

Ow. You can’t tell but it’s raised and turning purple now.

The clouds continued to please me greatly after I finished feeding the horses and cleaning up a lot of mouse poop in the tack room. I got in the pool and was able to float comfortably as long as I wanted to, because there were high clouds that filtered the sun nicely. (Now don’t get more wrong; it was still 105 today.)

Daily Glimmers

It’s nice to have things in your day that you appreciate. I’ve been trying to notice times of the day that give me regular glimmers. One is thanks to the heat. I love the feeling of rolling off my pool float back into the pool. The sensation of hot skin hitting the cool water is just delightful.

The other time of the day that gives me a glimmer every single time is the moment after I put away my reading material, turn off my light, and lie down on my fluffy pillow. The soft pillow combined with the cozy blanket and the lovely darkness makes me smile a little as I close my eyes every night.

What little pleasures do you have in your life?