This is a time of upheaval, and I’m really glad I spent my whole life up to now preparing for lots of stress and lots of change. I think if the past year had happened with my coping skills back when I was 20-something, I’d be curled up in a ball every single day. So, if you are that way now, don’t beat yourself up over it.
Such a happy gal
This week I have three meetings for three different organization, and of course I’m the secretary of all but one (that means I have to pay attention). Plus, there have been lots of shakeups and changes at my Austin job. Hard ones, some of them. But, I was doing well today, having finally gotten the temperature in my office under control, my webcam set right, and a fine ambiance. I even took a cheerful photo of myself to use on some PowerPoint for a work project.
Suddenly, I got a message that I have to be out of the office for two weeks, to be sure we’re all safe and following instructions from the state. I was like, “Right now?” Yep. Thank goodness I could finish the meeting I was in! So, I untangled all my cords and wires and brought all the things I needed over to my office at the Hermits’ Rest, which I’d been avoiding using for work, due to barking dogs and such.
I appear to be frazzled at the ole home office. And I appear to have developed a lazy eye in my old age.
Lee brought my office chair, so I don’t have to sit in a dining chair! Once you get things all set up for a modern “work from home” situation, you don’t realize how much stuff is involved. I had to move my fancy work headphones, my HD webcam, my ergonomic mouse, and my cute keyboard. Oh yes, and all the power cords and USB attachments for all of them. Good thing I have a lot of USB plugs. We did have to go back and get things I forgot, but now I’m set.
That’s my view. I guess it will make me concentrate more on work.
I got everything plugged in and working, though it’s not pretty. The desk is pretty (solid labradorite), but it’s pretty much all cords.
Well, I have no choice but to embrace this change and find the good parts.
Working in my office/den will encourage me to clean up some clutter that’s showed up here (I did clean up the air bed leftover from our last guest).
I have a really nice bathroom with birds all over it.
I have usually well behaved dogs lying around and sighing.
I brought all my pens, so I can write in color!
I get to look out a window and see birds and trees.
I can go feed my horses this afternoon with plenty of time to come back for my evening meeting, rather than having to drive back and forth to the office.
Um, and the commute is shorter! I will welcome more snow!
Oh, really, this is just a little glitch, and it will all be just fine. I’ll deal with it, I’ll deal with whatever comes up at work, I’ll deal with challenges my friends are facing, and I’ll do my best to remain positive about how next week will go, government-wise.
I know I’m supposed to embrace change! Honest! But, we are allowed to get a little annoyed, for a little while, before moving on and getting things done, doing the needful, etc. Keep me in your thoughts, and I promise to do the same!
This week, all I’ve heard is that it’s the darkest time for the country where I live, at least since 9/11. I’m not doubting that. It’s probably not been a great idea, but I’ve been reading a lot about how to help people who’ve been deceived by repeated lies, help cult members move on, etc. The best article I read is this one, “Can members of the Trump cult be deprogrammed after the leader falls?,” from Steve Hassan in 2019, and I wanted to share it, in case it’s helpful for any readers.
Perhaps the beauty of this guinea fowl feather will help us keep breathing.
I have been doing a fairly good job of keeping good spirits until last week, when I saw how many people whom I’ve been extending the benefit of the doubt, supporting their right to their beliefs, etc., are willing to try to bring down the government and the precious Constitution they kept braying about for so many years. Beating police officers, whose lives I thought mattered to them, with American flags, which I thought they held sacred, etc., all brought out my worst fears.
Knowing me, and I sorta do, it’s clear that I can handle one or two crises at a time pretty well. By the time yesterday came along, the crisis count went over my limit. There are a couple of things that I can’t talk about but weigh heavy on my mind. Plus way too many horrible illnesses in my extended circle. Then stuff happened at my job over the past week or so went over my limit for calmly dealing with the barrage of change that comes with an Agile organization owned by a new set of venture capitalists.
Feathers and some nice grounding quartz. Ahh.
By the time my final meeting ended last night, at 7 pm, I’d had it. The darkness enveloped me, literally and figuratively, as I made my way back to the ranch, and I just couldn’t take another thing. I want to help people, I want to talk to folks who need to talk to me, and I want to get things done that I’ve committed to do. But wow, I’m only human.
You know what, all of you are only human, too. It is important to know when you’ve hit a limit and do something about it.
My Zoom background decorations. Perhaps over the top.
I am not someone who feels better by just ignoring current events, but I CAN find good things to balance them. That’s my hope for all of you, too, that you keep listening to the advice I repeatedly give to turn to nature and find its timeless beauty. Breathe. Take a walk. Surround yourself with what makes you happy (like all my silly Valentine’s Day decorations in the office). Talk to a friend. Maybe talk to a friend who is NOT overwhelmed like me!
My view from the desk tries to tell me love wins.
I will now sign off and follow my own advice. Love to all, and I mean ALL.
Happy back to work day, for those of us who are working. I had a lovely morning, even though I didn’t sleep much last night. When I looked out the window, I saw an amazing sunrise, plus very low fog. You can’t help but be cheered up by two early-morning Nature gifts, right?
The yellow part here was actually gleaming gold. Check out that fog right above the horizon
I got a couple photos looking in each direction before heading off to Austin.
Cool white stripe
Fog is behind first layer of trees
Fun with fog
My drive in was in and out of fog, with a lot of interesting vistas, but you get no photos, since I was keeping my eye out for deer or other road hazards. It’s pleasant when fog is pretty and not so thick that you can’t see.
I’m actually looking forward to getting back to work this week. I miss my coworkers. My poor work plants missed me, and one is looking pretty sad. But, at least one coffee machine is working, and Zoom seems functional, so off I go.
I’m also hoping to get my car tire back. I drove the giant white car this week, which has such a big trunk (boot) that there is no issue with putting an entire wheel in it.
I hope you’re getting back into whatever passes for “normal” in 2021!
One of the things I like about the way Hearts, Homes and Hands does its business is that they do lots of nice things for the clients and staff. Every year, goodie bags and flowers show up out of thin air to give out to everyone.
Just kidding. Many hours are spent making those goodies. Last night, after a long day of work, Kathleen, Meghan, and CC showed up at the Hermits’ Rest to go into goody overdrive. I got to help, and even Lee measured some cocoa for fudge! (I picked and shelled a small bunch of pecans from the tree outside our office, but Lee ate most of them.)
Ready to make treats.
Meghan and I made many, many pretzels dipped in almond bark and sprinkled with sugar. We got better as we went along. Everyone laughed at how I wanted to be sure every treat bag had the same number of treats. Well, MAYBE I enjoy divvying them up! (Hey, I spelled divvying right the first time!)
The pretzels are hiding in here.
The other half of the crew made Kathleen’s special fudge recipe, which contains cheese product (you’d never guess). The microwave was going nonstop between melting fudge ingredients and almond bark. Good thing we have a big kitchen.
Fudge, not solidifying.
After the fudge was done, Kathleen made “trash,” which is her version of Chex Mix. It’s spicy! That’s mostly for the caregivers, since we don’t want to shock the systems of the clients.
Trash. And remnants of the pretzel operation.
We had so much fun making a mess, enjoying adult beverages (some of us), and telling stories to each other. I’d say the management team put a LOT of love into our gifts.
This morning, they discovered our fridge wasn’t quite cold enough, and the fudge hadn’t solidified. It got re-melted and put in the freezer for a while. Our poor saucepan was traumatized, but everything worked out, and after a good soak, that saucepan can cook Christmas foods.
Ready to deliver the goodies.
Eventually, everything was all packed up and ready to be delivered by Kathleen and Meghan at some point today.
Personal Note
I’m really proud of them. They work SO danged hard, taking phone calls at all hours, filling out paperwork, supervising…trying to help team members better themselves…etc.
A personal assistance service is not an easy business to be in, since you tend to be surrounded by sick people, hurting people, grumpy people (and FUN people, too, don’t get me wrong) and doing your best to make their lives easier. Luckily, the great people on our team and the truly wonderful and appreciative clients make up for it. I’ve always felt that work that helps others is the best, and I think the Hearts, Homes and Hands team will agree.
This morning, I started the day out doing a presentation highlighting the work our Agile team has done in the past two weeks (the usual presenter is already off for the holidays, so I was the stand-in. I had on professional-looking clothing and got to enjoy looking at my little holiday decorations in what passes for my cubicle. Most important, I could see in my Zoom window this little sign I recently bought.
Peace, a thing I knitted, and petrified rock from the ranch.
It’s one lesson I’ve been taking to heart this year. Peace doesn’t show up, you make it happen, and it starts inside. As I was feeling peaceful and proud, I did a good job presenting all our stuff in exactly the time allowed. I may know what I’m doing!
The world may be a bit sideways right now, but we can always get some wisdom out of it, right?
There was then a company-wide meeting, at which some changes were announced that I suspected would happen, but still made me sad and added another layer to this change-ridden period we’re living through. But, our CEO told a great story at the beginning of the meeting.
He talked about listening to a golf podcast (how CEO-like) that said the word of the day was “rejoice.” Minutes later, on his commute to the practically empty office, a car cut him off (join the club!). He had to laugh when he saw the car’s bumper sticker, which read “Rejoice.” It would probably help to pay attention to your driving while you’re rejoicing, I think.
As the rest of the company wove the idea of rejoicing through their presentations, I was rejoicing over the amazing work my team had done so quickly, as well as the work our Diversity and Inclusion initiative members have done. I’m so happy to be a part of the new LGBTQ+ group and to help out with learning and development at the company. It’s amazing what people who really care about things can do, and that’s worth some rejoicing!
My work plant is not dead, and just seeing it and the little wren brings me joy.
As a company, we have found things to be happy and proud about, even during the hardest times of many of our lives. As a person, I am aware that I’ve been doing the same thing all year, in this blog, as I talk to people, and as I go about my life. There is much to rejoice about, even though some of us have to look pretty deep to find it.
No need to buy more inexpensive yarn, I can also rejoice in my immense stash, just waiting to be something someone wants! Photo from @AZ.BLT via Twenty20
And if there’s nothing going well, make something you can be proud of. That’s what we are doing at work, and I’m taking that lesson into the rest of my life. I’ve even started putting projects into my Ravelry page again (it had been sadly neglected since 2018), rejoicing in my newly simplified knitting adventures. Not only am I bringing peace to myself, I’m bringing joy. Or else. Join me!
Today is not going according to plan. In almost every meeting I’ve been to today, someone has been reprimanded for something. That usually doesn’t happen. Or, I’ve had to deliver bad news to someone, a thing I don’t enjoy at all.
My pretty corner with a very nice pinecone and pearl tree from Chelle’s.
To top all that off, I can’t get my email application to go online and get email on my laptop. I can see it on my phone, but that doesn’t let me click on Zoom links to get to meetings. I managed to get my work email via web browser, so at least I can respond that way. I will just have to do the same for my personal email, I guess. I have enough on my mind without systems going awry. Whine!
I do have a wreath and some other stuff you can see from outside my office. Next week the window glass will go in!
So, once I finally got out of meetings (some of which had been triple booked, because I’m not important enough to stop someone from booking at a time when I’m clearly busy), I gave myself permission to do something else. Meghan had brought me some Christmas lights that she wasn’t going to put up at her house this year, so I started slapping them all over the Pope Residence.
Because we aren’t spending much this year, most of our decorations are from last year. The gold tree looks good on the upstairs landing!
Since we’re closed, no one is going to see them, anyway, so once again I am decorating to cheer me up, or in this case, to take my mind off things.
Last year’s tree gets one more shot at cheering up the neighbors.
I put lights up that only a mother could love, they’re so uncoordinated, in my office window. I then draped some lights in the reception room, on the mantel, where we’d already put up the somewhat nice decorations. They don’t look horrible.
Well, we tried.
There were some red lights, so I put them on the credenza thing.
The red light district. I could have hidden that extension cord a bit better.
I put some on the hallway counter.
Making coffee and microwaving is much more festive now.
And the rest of them, I put on the stairs in a most random fashion. I figure they’ll look cheerful at night, at least. I couldn’t put any outside, since I couldn’t find an outlet anywhere. Darn.
Random lights
I did make my office a little more tasteful, with my newest Trail of Painted Ponies horse on the mantel and some other reasonable things. But, at least I got myself out of my rut and into a more cheerful space.
It looks fine.
Then it was back to thinking about work priorities! I wish I didn’t have a headache!
The weird cats are into the holiday act, too. If I’d been smart, I’d have gotten more of those tall silver things I have in Austin to put in the pots.
Yesterday was my last day in the Austin office for a while. There were at most three other people on my floor today, so it was pretty darned quiet. At least no one breathed on me!
The excitement started when I was getting ready to go home. I had decided to walk the parking garage for a little exercise, for old times’ sake, and just started out when I heard all sorts of commotion, consisting of upset bird chirps, upset squirrel sounds and the unmistakable call of a red-shouldered hawk.
I ran to the side of the garage that looks over the courtyard and saw a lot of wings, flapping, and screeching. I followed the sounds of the hawk (certainly not a subtle hunter) to the oak tree next to last year’s nest. There he or she sat, triumphantly pecking away at whatever creature got caught in all that commotion.
Allow me to screech about my current meal.
I’m not sure, but I think it was one of the squirrels. I couldn’t get a good enough photo to tell for sure, since the sun was at an awkward angle. It certainly appeared to be a satisfactory snack.
I’m trying to hide over here. Go away.
I hung around a while to see what all the bird sounds were. I saw a mockingbird, what appeared to me to be a nuthatch, and some really pretty birds with red on them, but I’m not sure what they were. I wish I always had binoculars!
The other thing I saw all over the courtyard were these masses of leaves in the trees, mostly the cedar elms, but others as well.
There are dozens and dozens of these clumps of leaves.
I knew they just weren’t leaves the trees had shed, because they are stuck on their really well, no matter how windy it gets or anything. I figured there must be an insect or something in there, so I looked closer.
Aha, webs.
Sure enough, it’s webs that are holding the masses of leaves together. I wonder what it is? I’ve gone with fall webworm moths on iNaturalist, but am patiently waiting to see if that’s verified. If it is, we’re in for a lot of pretty moths at some point.
I’m so glad to have this oasis of nature right next to the building where I work in Austin. I often give silent thanks to whoever preserved this little bit of nature and added so many native plants to the courtyard to make it a wonderful respite for so many people. I miss my desk with a view of the hawk nest, squirrel nests, and birds.
And now, back to Cameron, where I shall avoid germs like…um…the plague.
Since work has started up and since groups I’m in have started meeting, I’ve been having a lot of conversations with people I know. I’m seeing similar things in Facebook groups, chats, etc. It’s summed up by something my friend, Barbara, wrote this morning, which I quoted in the title of this post.
At night, when the snowflake lights are on, this peace tree manages to provide comfort to me.
We’re Weary
I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve been in this week that either started or ended with someone looking into the camera, bewildered, and sharing that their parents are very sick, or that they lost a friend, or that they’ve been exposed and are worried. People tell of losing multiple loved ones or friends in a short time (I’m one of them). A neighbor at socially distanced book group got visibly shaken telling us that she won’t be able to see her frail and elderly mother this year, because she’d reluctantly canceled her flight to Texas.
At one point, the same neighbor looked at us all, and plaintively asked, “When can we hug?” Whew, we miss hugs.
At the end of the Friends of LLL Board meeting on Tuesday, we had some time left over, and people were talking about the challenges we all had been dealing with, a friend who lost her husband recently, etc. At one point, we all seemed to have our heads in our hands, or blank stares, as we just silently sat there. It felt like a virtual hug was really needed.
A work meeting yesterday was similar. It was hard to get started with the latest project’s progress after we’d been sharing about lockdowns in England, a mutual Swedish friend who got sick…all that. But, work is a thing I am lucky enough to have, because it lets me think about other things beside germs, the degrading environment, and the government.
Yes, we are weary. We know we have to keep up what we’ve been doing, and that it’s important. But people, at least in my circles, are feeling helpless to do anything for themselves or others. The separation we’re experiencing is important, but as it drags toward a year, it’s hard to keep our spirits and resolve up, isn’t it?
What Can We Do?
I’ve noticed that a lot of people are decorating the heck out of their houses. I’ve seen a lot of holiday extravaganzas out there! Anita and I have even made a winter wonderland out of our year-round tree and our mantel. Other people are crafting like crazy (my current knitting project is now too long to be even a maxi-skirt on me).
We always have nature to help out. At the book club meeting, the sun shining through these grass seed heads brought me comfort.
Mostly, though, let’s talk. Let’s listen to each other’s stories and hold those who are having a hard time in our hearts. We’re all having challenges, to one extent or another, right now. If we all send comfort out, we’ll all get some. I feel like by honoring the stories of my friends and colleagues, I’m sending good energy out. I’m appreciating theirs, too. I’d really like to see my husband and my animals.
The short answer to that question is: all of us. Bias is normal for humans, and there’s no way to eliminate it; it’s part of being human. There are, by the way, both positive and negative biases (we are biased toward the kinds of people who most resemble you or share your beliefs, while people who don’t fit into our ideas of “normal” often engender negative biases). Anyway, I’m not here to write a book about bias (go here for more info). I just want to make it clear that there’s no way to get around having unconscious biases, because all of us can’t be aware of everything that’s influencing us or we’d be bombarded by thoughts. Our unconscious biases are part of what led humans to succeed (being biased against funny-looking strangers probably saved a lot of past people).
The tattoo bias is one that comes up a lot in these trainings. Image by @noralynepo58 via Twenty20.
Why I’m thinking about this today is that I have been helping out with a diversity and inclusion initiative at my job. One of the things I said I’d do was evaluate some potential training courses on unconscious (or implicit) bias. There’s nothing this old instructional designer likes better than evaluating online training, so I was happy to do so.
I went through two different courses. In one of them, the presenter repeated so many times that unconscious bias is normal that I’m pretty sure THAT is seared into my unconscious. But I see why they did that: you don’t want people feeling guilty or that they’re a bad person for having them. That first course reminded me that I’ve been reading a lot about unconscious bias in the books about race in the US, so I was feeling all good about myself. The course encouraged me to write down biases that might pop up into my head while I was learning, and sure enough a big ole list started growing.
The second training was more scientific than the first, and I enjoyed that. It also had some exercises in identifying bias that I really enjoyed. Sure enough, I have a bias toward males in certain roles (science rather than art). And I totally messed up another exercise that proved the same thing. These results make a good point, that many of us retain biases that aren’t even in our own self-interest, thanks to cultural traditions, media depictions, etc.
Am I Biased?
Heck yeah, I’m biased. Some of them I’m more conscious of than others, because, like the trainings pointed out, by introspection and careful observation, you CAN see some of your biases and make an effort to mitigate them in the workplace (and beyond). Also, by actually exposing yourself to members of groups you have an unconscious bias toward, you can start to see each person as an individual, rather than a group member. I’m eternally grateful for linguistics classes and factory jobs for exposing me to people outside my in-group and letting me see them for themselves.
Here are a few biases I’ve made an effort to work through, and how I think I got them:
People with tattoos (blame my mom)
Muslim men (blame a long string of horny married men in college/grad school)
Black people (blame growing up in the South in the 60s)
Fraternity members (blame college)
Smokers (also blame my late mother, who died of lung cancer)
I’m not saying I’ve eliminated my biases, but I know they are there, and now I can make a conscious effort to treat people as people. I’ve benefited from this a lot. Now the bias is just a twinge, which I acknowledge and move on really quickly.
How many irrational Suna negative biases are in this photo? A bunch. Will they affect my hiring practices? Nope. Image by @zelmabrezinska via Twenty20.
Now, other biases I wrote down I have a harder time with. As I wrote them down, I could readily see that some of these are really silly. I also can see where some of the biases are based on bad experiences, formed in self defense, and related to safety (like the Muslim men one, which required many years of meeting Muslim guys who did not try to proposition or assault me or my friends). Here are some silly ones that I need to work on. I have biases against people:
With strong body odor
With dirty hair
With tongue piercings
With poor dental hygiene
From New York (rudeness)
From California (constant bragging)
Who speak or write with poor grammar in formal/business settings (as opposed to cultural identity things like Tex Mex or Black English, which don’t bother me, or informal slang)
Mom also said that wearing curlers in public was trashy. How 60s.
A lot of these look to me like things my mother would have said denote “low class,” and I got it drilled into me that no matter what I did, I was not to appear like “white trash” (Mom’s words). This verifies that biases against “out” groups from your childhood are hard to get rid of, even in the face of experiences that prove them wrong. The New York and California things are based on personal experiences, and I know perfectly well they are stereotypes. They are just very sticky to me. Do you have any like that?
Biases That Protect
A couple of the biases I wrote down are pretty obviously based on protecting myself from negative consequences (real or imagined). For example, I am biased against narcissists, and that’s based on how I’ve seen friends treated and how hard these people are to eliminate once they attach themselves to you. Now, narcissists can’t help being who they are, since it’s a mental illness. And I need to not treat them differently in the workplace, but I’ll avoid them in personal relationships as much as I can, to protect me. Do you avoid people with certain personality types?
Here’s a negative bias I plan to work very hard to get rid of. I hope this goes both ways. We’re all citizens of the same country and want the best for our families.
While I’m being honest, I’ll admit to being biased against people who display giant Trump flags on their property or pick-up trucks. In my mind, I see them as the radical types who actually believe I have an agenda to take away their rights or force them to have an abortion. That’s probably not true of most of them. But, thanks to the media and reading comments on social media, this one is stuck within me. Note, however, that I am perfectly capable of working with, finding commonalities with, and even living with people who voted differently from me. How about you?
While waiting to give birth to my first child, I edited this book. I removed the word “basically” about 897 times. I did get a Society for Technical Communication award for it.
The final self-protection bias is one I am working really, really hard to get rid of, but it’s sort of funny. You see, I once worked for the great Stephen Wolfram, who is a certified genius with a heart of gold, but at least as a younger man was hard to work for. There was an incredible amount of berating, cursing, odd demands, and eccentricities to negotiate (I could write a book, but I won’t; we both have fond memories of each other…now). The thing is, he had a particular English accent based on where he was born and educated. Coincidentally, one of my coworkers at Planview has the exact same accent, being from the same area. So, every time this other person talks, I hear Wolfram. Everything that person says sounds like a criticism or a put-down (it doesn’t help that sometimes it IS that), but I have to make a huge effort to separate the two of them. My Wolfram PTSD is not doing me any favors!
I wrote this. It was very funny at the time. From Stephen’s website.
I wonder how many of us deal with biases like that? I’d love to hear some stories.
In any case, there’s no doubt in my mind that my biases that popped into my head are just scratching the surface and that there are many more hiding down deep in the recesses of my subconscious, helping me make judgments quickly, but not necessarily fairly. Acknowledging them is a good start, as long as it’s followed by making the effort to eliminate them in important business activities like hiring, reviewing, and such. I’m on it.
PS: I just ran across an article that provides some great ways to open up conversations with people toward whom you may have negative biases. Check it out!
I’ve been working hard this week, and there’s some work challenges, but still getting out and exercising in the brisk Utah mountain air. Because the ski area is getting more busy, I’m being more careful where I go. I’m avoiding people as much as possible this week.
Claiming clouds.
Today I was able to head up to the pretty subdivision up from where I’m staying. The houses are huge, and many have beautiful statues and lighting. But I was busy walking, so I didn’t take photos.
I love those colors.
For most of my walk breaks, I was enjoying the clouds and trees, so once I’d hit my exercise goal I let myself stop and take pictures.
Nice fence!
I bet the people in these mini farms and vacation palaces are annoyed by all the construction and timeshares that have cropped up. At least they still have views!
Again. Clouds.
Now off for a meeting for the Cameron business, followed by knitting and football. You know, this break has been a real blessing. I’m glad I’m able to work while I’m here in the scenery. It feels a little less self indulgent!
There’s a barn back there.
How are YOU helping yourself unwind and recharge? What keeps you calm?
The Hermits' Rest 