Ranch Life – Page 48 – The Hermits' Rest

Hard Decisions That Turn Out OK

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

You ask that, do you? I agonized a very this for about three years, during which time my mother passed away followed immediately by a breakup with the love of my life that was all my fault, followed by a serious of incredibly stupid relationship decisions and total failure at my career path. 1984-87 really stunk.

Here comes the brutal honesty for which I’m noted, for better or worse.

I’d say this was the period in my life when I realized that, no, I wasn’t the brilliant, nice, ethically consistent person I thought I was. That’s hard. I realized just how mentally screwed up I was in my drive to be perfect and that I was an emotional vampire who confused sex with love. Everyone has to realize they’re imperfect eventually (if they’re honest with themselves).

Worse, I ended up unable to stomach being an academic with all the drama, pressure, and competition. It just wasn’t what I’d hoped it was and I wasn’t actually very good at it.

So I decided to leave my career path and all the people I cared about at the university and do something else. I felt like a failure and that I’d let my family and friends down. That was hard. Acknowledging my inadequacy was hard. Admitting I was a bad partner was hard. Owning up to my anxiety and past trauma was very hard.

But no one really cared very much about my inner turmoil. They just wanted to see me stable, happier, and more positive. I ended up free of expectations and obligations and could move forward to use all I’d learned in a perfectly good career. I learned to love in a positive way. It was OK.

Oh look I’m crocheting something. It’s a hot pad in thermal stitch.

I make decisions much faster now. I’ve learned that whatever I do will be fine. I’ll learn the lessons I need to learn and keep putting one foot ahead of the other. Today is what matters and I want more peaceful, fulfilling days than stressful ones.

Daily Bird

I enjoyed a group of Harris’s sparrows today. I realize I’ve featured a lot of sparrows but we have eight kinds here! I heard these guys by the brush pile this morning, which pleased me because there was so much traffic on our road due to an accident that it was hard to hear birds in front of the house.

Harris’s sparrows make a less melodic sound than some of the others, more like very loud, low barks. It’s hard to decide how to describe it. But they were chatty and friendly today.

A pair of them started out in the honey locust, then got on the ground quite close to me, so I could easily see their interesting black head and chest markings. They’re the most distinctive ones, for sure.

By the way, the house wren and Carolina wren are loudly lobbying to be featured, so I’ll get something else soon. In the other hand, I’ve seen Mexican eagles (caracaras) doing mating dances in the sky twice this week. They do some loud wing flapping! So, they’re candidates. More to come.

Holiday Traditions Are Few This Year

Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?

If they are referring to the winter holidays, like the Solstice or Christmas, then there’s only been one constant since my children were little, and that’s to have cinnamon rolls for breakfast. We used to eat them while opening gifts.

Something cheerful: Vlassic running at sunset.

For many, many reasons I’m not doing much for Christmas this year. It’s going to be a hard one for much of my family, and I’m not feeling very celebratory. I’m just going to go somewhere with Lee, if we can get someone to feed dogs and medicate Apache.

Speaking of horses, I caught Drew and Fiona being friendly today.

If not, I’ll stay home and eat cinnamon rolls then cook a meal for the same people I cooked Thanksgiving for. Maybe I’ll make pork loin and correct cranberry sauce. I think there will be small, handmade gifts for people.

You know, I think I just don’t want to do anything religious. I’m not happy with things being done in the name of religion these days, especially the ones stemming from Moses and his tribes. I’m disappointed in wars, book banning, misogyny, religious intolerance, and fundamentalism. All of it.

For the solstice, which at least predates Christmas, there will be candles and maybe a fire if the place we go has a fireplace. I’ll make decorations out of things from the woods and put intentions of peace into them.

It will be fine to skip materialism and shiny things for one year and concentrate on helping struggling loved ones however I can.

Daily Bird

We had some rain today, but it only rained hard briefly. It did quiet the birds down. The daily birds just have to be the European starlings.

As I went out to slog through the puddles to feed the horses, I heard sounds like tiny bells. It was a huge flock of starlings heading off to some field now that the sun was back out. It always amazes me how many there are.

I learned in a magazine that the flocks often contain the local grackles as well. Blackbirds like each other, I guess. I’m never going to love grackles, those resourceful parking lot scroungers with the incredibly annoying whistles, the great-tailed grackles. I’ll work on it.

Oh, Peeves, There Are So Many

Name your top three pet peeves.

Yet, more than once in my life I’ve been called elitist for mentioning some of my peeves. After all, educated folks who know and use standard English are looked at as suspiciously progressive or something.

I won’t put the Latin name for this common buckeye so I’ll seem less snooty.

I’m all for creative use of language, am well aware that language changes constantly. So I am fine with observing new language, even if I never call u bae.

And I don’t even know ow which checkered butterfly this is.

So my peeves are mostly language usage. Not New language, just wrong stuff. Other than number 3 below.

1. Please use the contraction “you’re” when you are shortening “you are.” It’s easy. The word “your” refers to something of yours. Like your ability to spell words even when you’re using autocorrect.

I hope this peevish list doesn’t make me look like one of these.

2. Speaking of apostrophes, (a word with no apostrophes in it, by the way), they aren’t like garnish on top of salads that you sprinkle wherever they look cute. You do not pluralize nouns by adding ‘s. Nope. If there’s more than one item, you add a plain letter “s” unless the word ends in an s or z sound. The. You add “es” with no apostrophe. Even people’s NAMES are pluralized that way! Lee and I are Kendalls and Brunses. Now if we own something? Stick an apostrophe in there! Ms. Kendall’s pet peeves are a great example.

3. Ooh, ooh! I have another one to add to my apoplectic elitist frenzy of prescriptivism! There is a recent trend to take perfectly innocent nouns and make them into some kind of cutesy verbs. Like:

What are you gifting this year? It’s the time of year to gift and gift some more!
What’s your favorite way to morning? Coffee, of course.
It’s time to football!

I think it started with things like weekending and breakfasting and has just kept spreading.

4. It’s versus its. At least this one’s harder. But in this one case, the apostrophe is only for smooshing two words together and not for possession. So I get it that it’s hard to get its nuances.

Enough of that. Today was a fine day with much sunshine, pleasant coolness, and many butterflies. As you can see, I got a few photos, but I saw many more, plus a caterpillar I can’t identify.

Daily Bird

Today, since it was sunny and not very windy, there were lots of birds to enjoy. I counted eight types of sparrows! But the bird I enjoyed the most was the hermit thrush. It’s hard to resist a bird who shares a name with your ranch.

Today’s thrush was skulking in the big brush pile that was created last year in the woods, and it was chupping up a storm. it even drowned out a very vocal wren. I saw it a couple of times, but like the pipits, it looks a lot like a little brown bird that’s hard to distinguish without binoculars. I’m glad I know what it sounds like.

I have to admit that once again I heard a cool “bird,” then sheepishly remembered we do have a few squirrels out here.

It Always Helps…

…to have someone supportive confirm that your instincts are not off and you can do things you need to do, with the right tools.

I’m not talking about my new yarn spindle, though it’s a nice tool.

Today Tarrin came here to do the horse lessons, which was very helpful, even though I’d managed to write the time wrong on my calendar. I need a personal assistant!

I’d been wandering around looking at the heron and not realizing I needed to groom horses.

Since I got Drew to come with me easily, he went first. I got some really helpful input on not pushing myself to trot and trot if he isn’t in one of his good frames of mind. I feel so much better practicing on straightening him out at a walk. I do wish I’d gotten pictures of him doing his warmups. He was pretty spectacular cantering and jumping high, calmly. Probably the very cool weather had him perky.

He’s doing better in lots of ways. But I felt validated when Tarrin got on him and had trouble the same way I did. He took a long time to relax like he was still a bit unsettled. Maybe we’re both more settled now.

I had a really good lesson with Apache. He even came up to me in the pasture. All those “treats” (medicine) seem to help with that. I got good information from Tarrin on how to deal with his lethargy. She explained that he’s losing some of his stubborn fat and the toxins in it are going to his liver, so we’re going to give him some milk thistle for a time. And he’s changing to different supplements that will support his metabolism. Luckily most of it isn’t too costly.

As for the lesson, he had good energy for his ground work. I’d say he did the best I’ve ever seen him going over jumps and low obstacles. And he was a joy to ride. I got great information on ways to keep him standing up better, then we went out to test his “issues” with going outside his comfort zone.

Tarrin used his lead rope to keep him from flinging his head down (without constricting his comfortable head movement). Once he realized that option for making me nervous was gone, everything was better.

Since I took no pictures today, here’s a bonus.

We made tons of progress on re-settling him when he first starts to act concerned (as a helpful blog reader mentioned as well). We stopped and breathed, and we did lots of circles and figure eights to give him something to center himself on.

I did really well staying centered and calm, myself, thanks to not having the threat of him jerking the reins out of my hands and Tarrin providing helpful cues. I ended up feeling really good and like I have ways to make riding at home more fun with both horses. Whew. I sure needed the insights.

Carlton points out that he does nothing but emit good vibes. I love him, too.

I’m very grateful to have had my coach here at home for some help with my situations. Both horses are doing so well at her house. I’d like to get there at home.

Daily Bird

It was really cold (for here) so not many birds were out. But I thoroughly enjoyed listening to white-throated sparrows settling in the big tree by the pond for the night. Oh, the tweeting and chirping! It was like a mini bird concert. I was charmed.

What’s My Favorite Animal, You Ask?

What are your favorite animals?

Actually, no one asked this except the daily prompt writer, because everyone who knows me more than as a glancing acquaintance can tell you my favorite animal is the horse, followed closely by and endless parade of dogs.

Mabel laughs at the absurdity of anyone wondering what my favorite animal is.

I’ve loved horses since before I knew exactly what a horse was. My mother wasn’t clear on the concept either, and taught baby Suna that horses said “hee haw” of all things.

In fact, my most beloved toddler toy was, um, a stuffed giraffe, which I named Hee Haw, and insisted was a horse. I panicked when Mom washed it.

I really loved horses. There are photos of me in a tiny cowboy hat riding my spring-loaded rocking horse and a giant pillow with a plastic horse head modeled after Fury the TV horse. I can’t find a picture of that, but I did eventually have this 1964 book.

By the time I was past the toddler years I already had a collection of porcelain horses, given to me by my Swedish grandfather. He must have had a lot of faith in me not to break them. More have been broken by house cleaners than were broken by me.

I drew horses constantly as a kid. It gave me something to do when I was done with schoolwork. No photos of those sad things are available. I didn’t actually know many horses, so they were a little off, even though I stared at my Album of Horses book and repeatedly read Black Beauty. I must have been a tiresome child. I went through a lot of crayons and paper.

That tiresomeness hasn’t changed. I still make very annoying word choices (like over apologizing) due to my long-term self esteem issues, which embarrasses me, which makes my dedicated efforts to love myself just as I am even more challenging. huh.

Let’s talk about how I did my best to soothe my soul today.

Even though it was pretty nippy outside due to a biting wind, I went for a nice walk in the woods, since cattle weren’t in that pasture at the moment.

I got to enjoy watching this happy young snapping turtle.

I found a few signs of fall color and enjoyed watching my “secret spring” behind the back pond. It’s not really a secret, but probably only Sara and I have really noticed it. Maybe Kathleen did when she was meditating in the woods. We’re all forest bathers!

There were even a few birds to watch. Now that most of the leaves are off the trees I can see the chickadees, titmice, sparrows, and vireos much better.

In addition to this egret who was checking out the shallow seasonal pools and lots of swirling vultures, Merlin heard a new bird, more than once, even: an evening grosbeak. I’d love to see it.

Anyway, all the dark trees, the bright green rye grass, and wintry blue skies made me relax a bit and got me ready for toting numerous 50-pound bags of horse and chicken feed later.

Poison ivy berries in rotting stump. Hmm.

Ready for work tomorrow.

Invisible Demons Plus Apache Equals Trouble.

The good news is I didn’t fall off my horse. And I’m sure I learned a lot and will eventually be grateful for all the chances at relaxing and giving when I didn’t want to.

WAIT!

Isn’t that how I started yesterday’s blog? yep. I’m a glutton for punishment I guess. Today I spent the required bur and mud removal time, then headed back to Sara’s. This time I brought Apache. I was hoping things would go better going over obstacles with some friend horses around.

I swear to you that I was in a good mood and happy with my old boy. After all, he successfully ate his whole pill and let me remove all the burs. We had a nice walk over there, but his arrival disturbed the foal, which disturbed Aragorn in his dressage. Still, all good.

But when I mounted and started showing him the obstacles, he did the same thing he always does and started hopping and going sideways the minute he got near the pens. Honestly, I’d forgotten this would be an issue, so I wasn’t tensing up. Where are these invisible demons he senses?

After two one-rein stops and a lot of conscious relaxing and not tightening the reins, I was able to successfully do a slalom, go over a bridge, and walk over a jump. He even sort of did a turn in a box thing.

We dressed nicely. As you can see, he’s still tense.

But, I couldn’t reach the gate to unlatch it when we got to it, he acted like he’d never seen a mailbox, and he refused to approach a jug on a barrel. He’s done those things many times.

So I gave up on the virtual show and just tried to end on a good note. I took him to Sara’s round pen, you know, the one I’ve worked with him in for years. He did eventually settle down as we did some patterns in there. But, that was it.

I let him graze in the pen while other horses tried to do their show filming. Aragorn didn’t like the bridge after a non-stick matt was put down. Later, after I dragged my ass home, he did fine.

Oh, that’s what I was supposed to be doing. Oops.

And Cole, who came with our training friend Tracee, surprised everyone by cantering away and doing a great job. All that cheered me up.

And Apache was a good guy all the way home. Hmm.

I keep reading “helpful” articles saying if your horse behaves poorly, it’s something you did. I’m inclined to agree, since both my horses act so weird over there, it may well be me. I do get a little embarrassed that my horses are flailing around and not listening to me. But I’m doing my best to calmly regroup and try again.

I’ll keep trying. I’m disappointed, but we keep going.

To top it off I broke my other thumbnail.

Fire Ants Plus Drew Equals Trouble

The good news is I didn’t fall off my horse. And I’m sure I learned a lot and will eventually be grateful for all the chances at relaxing and giving when I didn’t want to.

Here I am, showing you my agitated look.

But no, my latest try at practicing dressage at Sara’s did not go very well. I appreciated Sara’s help with getting his bridle on and removing the fire ants he stepped on. That must have hurt, so no wonder he was head shaking, trying to canter, and dancing around, all things that I handled as calmly as I could.

It was all my fault that I didn’t have a death grip on the reins that were serving as lead rope while he was supposedly calming down and grazing. A truck pulling a rattling trailer sped by and scared him (even though the same vehicle has probably passed him when he grazed next to the road in our pasture). Drew jerked away and ran his ass off down the tree line.

I was too fast to photograph. Like my ancient halter Suna found in the pasture? It’s easier on my burs.

Luckily he stoped when he got to Spice in her paddock. All geldings love Spice. When we caught up with him he was happily interacting with her and Lakota. He doesn’t seem to have injured himself, and he went nicely back to the scene of the incident to graze some more.

And he made it back through the scary trees, though he was nervous. After a nice visit with Sully and Jhayati, we went home, which is where he will stay for a while. I’m not going to try to film a virtual show there this weekend. I could get hurt.

I did help set up the obstacles for the other parts of the show and will bring Apache there tomorrow to see if he can do a better job than last time we tried filming over there. It’s disheartening. I’m doing my best to be positive, but both horses act weird over there. Maybe tomorrow will be when the tide turns! Sara tries so hard to set up the spaces, and I’d like to take advantage of it. at least today I got some riding in that was calm. Yay?

Today was just plain challenging. I went to the Red House to help Anita get it clean for the next group (quick turnaround day), and I must have twisted my back putting sheets on the bunk bed. Between that and riding a jumping and pawing horse, I’m quite sore.

Decorations at the Red House. Not going crazy since so many kids come through.

Sorry. Nothing but whining for today.

Is It Instinct?

Do you trust your instincts?

I can’t top yesterday’s blog post, so I’ll just answer the daily prompt.

I’ve always trusted my instincts. I’m intuitive. Besides that, I think I take in cues I don’t consciously perceive that lead me to know what I should or want to do. It’s just how I’m built. I’m not good at deliberation; in fact many bad decisions I’ve made came from overthinking.

Sure, things go wrong, but often I learn the most when acting on instinct and getting different results than I expected. You just make the best decision with the information you have at the time. The worst thing is to not do anything at all, so my instincts are good enough for me.

Bug of the day is a young green stink bug. Yep, not green at this stage.

Honestly, as I’ve gotten older I’ve quit believing any predictions, promises, or plans for the future. I’m just going with the flow and not trying to influence the outcome. I’ll learn what I’m meant to learn. That has lessened my anxiety considerably.

Bird watching also helps. I saw the kingfisher catch a fish today!

So yeah, I think my instincts are correct for me and I’ll stick with them.

My instinct today was that I needed to spend some time with my equine friends. So while Drew was being a pain for Sara while she tried to trim his hooves, I hung out with the other horses.

I got burs out of them, which took a while for Dusty. His mane is sparse, but his thick tail was just about all bur. He munched hay and let me work on him. I brushed him, too, which he always likes.

I still manage to get burs in this little tuft.

Mostly I worked with Mabel, though. She’s been on a product called Gut-X for a while and it seems to have done the trick and helped her put on more weight. I’m pleased.

She’d already been getting happier, and now she voluntarily comes up for attention. She let me fix up her tail and much of her mane, but mostly she wanted to be brushed softly and stroked. We spent a long time just being together.

Still has that face only a mother could love.

After I was done, she stood in her pen and yawned over and over. This kind of release is a very good sign in a horse. She’s feeling good, even though one hoof is cracked and her eye had been runny earlier (she got hay in there).

Today’s Bird

Today I saw a bird we all see often, but one I rarely see here at the ranch. It really surprised me, as it was sitting on top of the utility vehicle right next to me as I went through the gate from the house.

The pigeon never moved. Eventually it must have flown off, though. We see doves here (mourning, white-winged, Inca) but not often pigeons. Wonder where it came from?

Reading? Of Course!

What book are you reading right now?

It’s a good time for that question, because I started a new book a few days ago, The Invention of Nature (2015). It’s about Alexander von Humboldt, whose work was very important for people like me.

I have it because folks were discussing naturalists and people who have a lot of species named after them. It became apparent that I wasn’t very familiar with von Humboldt, compared to Aldo Leopold. So, my friend “JC Maxwell” (a pseudonym) said she’d send me a book.

Sure enough, it showed up, along with a book called Regretsy, a humorous look at awful things sold on Etsy. I admit I read that first. It made me laugh aloud.

The author tells funny stories about herself, too.

Back to Humboldt. So far he’s still pretty young, but he’s been running all over Prussia and its neighbors being an eccentric genius and meeting famous people. I guess that’s what you did back then. He seems to have had a lot of time off from his job looking at rocks in mines.

Right now he’s hanging out with Goethe and the king of some small chiefdom or whatever it was before countries emerged in central Europe. They eat a lot and discuss poetry and new ideas about how the natural world works. Plus, of course he knows Charles Darwin.

I’ll get to the parts where he goes off and identifies lots of plants and animals soon enough. Right now he’s just way over-studious and energetic.

Did you know in the 1800s he was the most famous person in the world? That’s what the book says.

Today was full of chores, but Anita and I had fun grocery shopping for Thanksgiving at her favorite H-E-B store. We also visited Target and a couple of other places.

I still got home in time to horse around with Drew, who calmed down a bit today. All good.

Daily Bird

Today I went out on my usual morning walk and animal inspection. I heard an interesting hoot/honk sound. I looked down at the Merlin app and it said snow geese! Sure enough, they were flying over.

These guys are only here during migration, so I was lucky to get a glimpse. We saw tons at Bosque del Apache wildlife refuge in New Mexico when we went there. Beautiful birds.

So Much to Be Happy About

It really was a great day today. I don’t think the weather could have been better, all the animals were happy, and people were nice, too. This was the kind of day I’d hoped to have when I was a kid thinking about when I grew up.

Plus I saw this Queen butterfly on a vitex bush at the local coffee shop.

All my meetings were pleasant today, with good conversation and productivity. I finished a tedious task so now I can look forward to more fun work next week. I even sort of enjoyed a lot of tedious copying and pasting to make a list of every tag ever used in my Master Naturalist blog. Dang.

Lunch break was at the coffee shop with Anita, where I had a great coffee and huge salad. We listened to Chris the owner’s spouse talk about music and our mutual love of Ruidoso, New Mexico. Then we got all our talking in. We get to hang out again tomorrow, because I’m going Thanksgiving shopping with her tomorrow (Lee won’t grocery shop on weekends). What a nice break!

Birds flying to their roost at sunset. Cries I think. Or vultures.

After finishing work I enjoyed working with the horses. Drew even let me get some burs off the front of his head! the key was doing it while he ate. Tomorrow I’ll work on it more. But being out with them in the perfect weather was just ideal.

All this, and there were still more burs on him.

Finally, I went to a “hat bar” thing that my friend Courtney held at her store. I enjoyed watching the young woman who decorated the hats and had fun designing one for myself. She put a pansy on it for me.

The snacks were unique. They featured a huge armadillo sculpted out of cream cheese and filled with ham dip. It was ultra realistic and took folks a while to get up the courage to break into it. Whoever made it is talented!

Most interesting dip sculpture I ever saw

Anyhow, the hat thing was fun, though I felt sort of old and in the wrong social group (it was mostly the fashionable young women of town). But there were a couple women over 50, plus two people I knew.

Courtney did some hat burning, too, and was really proud of her leopard spots. She has to be good at it, since half the items in the store are leopard print (note shoes on customer in photo).

I had lots of fun with my friend Jenecia, who was in my Master Naturalist class with me. I hardly ever see her when she isn’t working one of her many entrepreneurial ventures, so getting to just laugh and catch up was nice.

I had more fun helping her find materials for her hat than mine, and it came out so cute!

My hat had a theme of matching Drew’s tack, as if I’ll wear a hat when working with him. But it’s going to go with lots of my clothing.

And as if the day couldn’t end any better, I walked outside to see all the pretty lights in the town square. Every day Cameron gets a little better.

There. Just wanted to share a good, full day of friends and fun.

Daily Bird

Today’s bird is the belted kingfisher, because I got to enjoy our winter resident as it flew around the front pond today. It seems to make the rounds of the three tanks/ponds near our house, judging from when I hear it. I see it often, too. Kingfishers have such a distinctive shape that they’re easy to spot.

The only other kingfisher I’ve seen is the ringed kingfisher I saw at the National Butterfly Center, which is in the northernmost part of its range.

I like to watch these birds. I can remember the first time I saw one, which was on some river. It must have been in Illinois at the little park by a large creek. I saw it catch a fish! I’ve seen that a few times.

We’re lucky to have one here at the Hermits’ Rest. I think I annoy it by trying to take a photo of it, but it’s because I love it!