Ranch Life – Page 18 – The Hermits' Rest

Fears, I’ve Had a Few

What fears have you overcome and how?

Fearful is not how I’d ever describe myself. I feel more like my horse, Apache, who is always vigilant against the unexpected and anxious when asked to do new things. We have a lot in common, he and I, which may explain why our progress is becoming a skilled horse/rider pair has been steady, but slow.

That leads me into one of the fears I’ve been working to overcome, which is the fear of cantering on this horse. I’d probably have been cantering long ago if I had a different equine partner, but Apache is the horse I was kindly given, so he’s who I’ve worked with. And cantering was never his best skill. His tendency to do a kick/buck maneuver whenever he set off to canter when he was younger is one reason my friend Sara gave him to me. She wanted to canter (as a good rider, she knew how) but his imbalance made it scary on him. Heck, he even kicked out to start cantering without a rider for the longest time.

But years of exercise, bodywork, good medicine, and work on his feet led to much improvement. He now sets off very well and only on the wrong lead some of the time. After my trainer worked with him under saddle, he can now do a fine job, and that led me to overcome my fear of cantering on him. Plus I’m way better at staying on when he has a hiccup.

And if I fall I’m just closer to the rain lilies.

A key to overcoming that fear is a skill I’ve only managed to develop in the past few years, which is to push past my anxiety and DO the thing. Riding horses has helped a lot with developing that ability, one many folks are born with. I was born cautious, very cautious. It’s amazing I learned to ride a bicycle. On the other hand, I didn’t break any bones as a child, thanks to caution.

Even this precious dog didn’t break my bones when he pulled me down a steep hill. Precious.

You might not believe this one, but once I was quite afraid to do things by myself. I really didn’t like being alone (other than teen years of being in my bedroom listening to my records). I can remember how proud I was of myself when I walked out of my hotel in Toronto, and ate a meal by myself. It was a whole fish, prepared beautifully, and I had a good time. Working in Toronto for weeks at a time was good for me. I discovered I could ride a subway without a helpful friend, I could have a drink in a bar and enjoy talking to people, etc.

Now I think nothing about eating alone, walking around a new town by myself, or going on long walks in nature. Of course, I’ve educated myself about safety in cities and nature, and I do prefer nature. I know how to spot the plants and animals to avoid. Learning about what you fear is a great way to overcome fears.

On another note, we almost have a screened porch!

I’m glad I can now take a deep breath and just DO a thing. It’s been very helpful in surviving life on a ranch property. I don’t realize how scary my everyday life can be to others until I get an urban visitor. I just know to check for snakes in the henhouse, watch my steps for fire ants, and avoid the poison ivy and nettle patches. I’ve educated myself so I’m not afraid!

Book Report: Matriarch

I had to read it! It’s in Oprah’s book club! Oh, just kidding. I actually read a review of Matriarch: A Memoir, by Tina Knowles that made me want to check it out. Also it’s shiny and pretty. The picture frame effect is very nice

This book was a gift from my spouse. I’m trying to shop local, if I shop.

Truthfully, I was very pleased to have the chance to read this book. I learned a great deal about the early years of my life from a Black perspective. Knowles did a fantastic job of painting a rich and realistic picture of Galveston, Texas in the late 1950s and early 1960s. I also learned so much about the role of Galveston in the history of Black Texans. That was worth reading the book right there.

The end papers for the book come from the cover painting. Very pretty.

I was surprised but pleased to learn how much I have in common with this woman who pulled herself up from poverty to create thriving businesses and became a renowned fashion designer, thanks to her mother’s teachings. Yeah, on the surface we’re quite different. None of my children are rich and famous, for one thing!

But underneath, Knowles had an upbringing that led her to have a similar fear of abandonment and drive to mother every needy soul who showed up in her life. She succeeded at being a great (though flawed and human) mother figure, and ended up having relationships that reminded me way too much of my past messes.

Knowles is brutally honest with herself, but does an incredible job of being gracious to others. There’s no long litany of blaming and accusations against others in this memoir. I’ve read so many where the author never acknowledges their own failures and mistakes, but Tina Knowles accepts her responsibilities and does her best to forgive or understand those who hurt her. Well, except she didn’t forgive those nuns in her first school…once again I thank my dad for not sending us to the Catholic school right down the road from us.

The parts of the book where she’s struggling to work and raise her girls and when Destiny’s Child is starting were interesting, mainly because I’m not familiar with the world they were living in. But by the end, when they’re all floating around on yachts with helicopter pads and renting out entire islands for parties, I didn’t have much to relate to. Good ole Jay Z can sure spend money.

Now, lest you think Knowles has ended up all jaded and materialistic, I note that she has started many philanthropic organizations and works hard to help young people living in poverty or other bad situations. Honestly, who knows what I’d do if I ended up mega-wealthy? And I can’t begrudge any of her family the rewards from their hard work, because not one of them just stood around and became famous.

Yes, that’s probably the best lesson I learned in this book, that my prejudices against ultra-rich people need to be tempered. Everyone in the Knowles family, from her ex-husband to her famous daughters to the people in their larger circles worked very hard to become great at what they do. That’s important to remember.

Oh, another thing I learned from Matriarch is that I am completely ignorant of every bit of Beyoncé’s music. That entire genre is a mystery to me, though I certainly know what the musicians look like and what interesting clothing they wear. Sigh. At some point popular music and I parted ways.

Book Report: The Raven Scholar

Lee likes to go to the bookstore/coffee shop in Rockdale, so I went with him one day to order a book. The shop doesn’t have a big variety, mostly historical romances and fantasy. I did need something to read, so I looked at all the covers and titles of the fantasy novels, and chose this one, The Raven Scholar, by Antonia Hodgson. It had an interesting cover, was purple, and featured ravens. All good if a random way to pick a book.

I also checked to be sure it wasn’t part 2 or 3 of a trilogy. Nope, part 1.

I actually enjoyed the book a lot! It was quite fun to jump into a new world and figure out how it worked. As you might guess, the heroine is a member of the Raven group in her society, which has all kind of animal totems, bears, hounds, tigers, etc.

I’ll share some masses of flowers to entertain you during the review. Here’s arrowhead clover.

The story in the book is complex and convoluted, but I could keep track of the characters better than I could The Lord of the Rings, so Hodgson has that going for her. All the characters are well developed, with good features and flaws that make them interesting.

I had a good time figuring out what was going on with the Emperor, who was supposed to be supervising a competition to determine who would succeed him. That’s one of the many interesting aspects of the culture created in this book, which is very well developed and internally consistent. That’s what I think is one of the hardest parts of writing fantasies, creating plausible worlds and cultures. This one is interesting and multi-faceted.

I think anyone who enjoys fantasy will enjoy meeting Neema, the title’s Raven scholar. She’s smart, vulnerable, and creative. And her Fox friend Cain, who happens to remind me of my son, is a great counterbalance.

And of course there is the great bonus that a good fantasy novel is a wonderful way to escape from your own comfortable world and exchange it for an immersion in another strange and fascinating one. For me, that’s a real blessing these days.

So, go ahead and check The Raven Scholar out, if you like to disappear into an engrossing alternate universe, and look forward with me to the next 600-page installment.

Another Post about Gratitude for Rain

You can tell I live in a semi-arid environment by how often I mention that I’m grateful for rain. Our land is so prone to drought that we always fear it will never rain again. Of course, that’s not true. Usually, we have a very dry period followed by a flood. We’re used to it.

This year we have had some dry spells, but also some nicely spaced rain episodes, just nothing huge, until last night. We had over 2.5″ of rain here yesterday, and since 2″ is usually enough to get runoff happening, that means our ponds/tanks all filled.

It also means that the creek is overflowing, which is always fun, as long as it doesn’t cover the road, which it did not. It only got to the top of the fence that keeps the cattle in. No giant logs banged into the fence, either, which means the new owners won’t have to fix it.

You can see the fence posts almost underwater.

The rain was scary, and there were tornadoes in the area. Some folks got damage, but nothing like what we see in the news in other places, so we’re lucky. One of my friends even got up to 6″ of rain over the past few days! We’ve had at least 3 in total. Now all the animals will be happy.

Something did die, though. The vultures right next to my birding chair told me, along with the large number of flies. Ick. I may have to move my chair!

I enjoyed many clean and shiny birds on my morning walk, though, which is the best bonus. I’m still seeing a Tricolored Heron here, so who needs to travel to see interesting birds?

I went into town to have lunch with a new Master Naturalist and help her get her Merlin and iNaturalist set up for ease of use. Driving around I saw lots of hail damage and trees with lost limbs. The storm was a lot worse southeast of the ranch!

Our Merlin lesson was a bust, because the birds decided to stop making noise at our Cameron renovation project, where we tried to practice. But I did give my student some hints, and we had more success with iNaturalist. A lesson that I learned (relearned) is that everyone’s cell phone and service are set up differently, which always adds to the challenge of assisting people. We had fun anyway, and found some plants we want to transplant before the old landscaping gets obliterated.

I want some of this Turk’s Cap to plant next to our woods.

Today remains sunny, though more rain is in the forecast. Other than how muddy the horse pens get, I’ll welcome all we get!

Book Report: Spare

I’ve read a few books lately. This was the first. I picked it up at the airport on my way to Hilton Head and finished it when I got home. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of the British Royal family, nor do I dislike them, but I read so many conflicting reviews of this book by England’s Prince Harry, so I decided to read it.

Spare was a pretty interesting book, really. It showed how human and fallible Harry was, for sure, and how utterly strange the world the Royal Family exists in. I don’t know how anyone could survive in that setting without some big time PTSD and anxiety.

I mostly ended up feeling sad for these folks and blaming their blind adherence to outdated traditions for how things have ended up today.

Prince Harry came across as very honest about his own failings and his sincere desire to do something that mattered. Wow, that young man could use drugs with the best (or worst) of them. He really seemed to crave numbing and distraction. His love of flying helicopters and of ascetic African pilgrimages both seemed to be ways of keeping his brain occupied with something other than Princess Diana and all those Royal protocols.

The writing is surprisingly good and Harry’s voice is clear. I do hope that he’s able to keep helping others and gets some peace after being chased by paparazzi for so long. That has to be difficult even for people with strong boundaries and good mental health. For sensitive people like Harry, well, I can see how he got so messed up.

After reading this, I feel empathy, which I guess was the goal of the book. I’m aware, though, that there are other sides of this story. I wonder if any other aspects will clarify Harry’s story someday? At least he’s no longer needed as a “spare” anymore.

Home Improvement Again

We haven’t been able to do much fixing up around here lately, but the construction team made time for us to start an upgrade. We’re fulfilling Lee’s dream of turning an awkward space in our house into a screened porch.

The little “outdoor room” on the other side of the family room has its own fireplace, and seemed like it would be a great place to hang out. Little did we know that the prevailing winds would create a vortex that sent every piece of debris into the narrow space. And when you have an Alfred, that means piles and piles of dog hair. Add in grass clippings, bird poop from the many Barn Swallow nests, and dust…well it was always awful except about a week after its quarterly cleaning.

My hope is that by screening in the room, we will get breezes but not so much hair. And the birds will have plenty of other nesting spots (they have the entire front and back porches to duel with House Sparrows over).

After emptying the game equipment and power washing the space, the guys got it all framed in today. They did something special with where the wood meets the concrete to prevent rot, but I’m not sure what.

It’s all planned out how it’s going to blend in with the trim and siding on the rest of the house, so it will look like the porch was always there.

I hope we can get the fireplace set up for cool evenings. In any case, the mosquito barrier will be nice!

Trip Down Recent Memory Lane

Yesterday I was feeling all sentimental, as well as in need of some different sites, so I took my walk by turning left instead of right from my driveway, to look at the part of the ranch we sold and the part that was my friend Sara’s ranch (visit her new projects on the Wild Type Ranch website).

I enjoyed seeing all the late-spring wildflowers on the roadside and marveled at how fast river cane (Arundo donax) grows back after mowing.

I checked out the abandoned farm next to the Shuffield/Tyson place, which keeps falling down more and more, but that’s just fine, because now it’s host to many birds, and judging from the scat, either a bobcat or feral domestic cats.

Eventually I turned and walked down the road connecting our two ranches and leading by my son’s cabin residence. Wow. There were some beautiful vistas of black-eyed Susans in the fancy pasture.

I got all nostalgic looking at where Aragorn and Spice used to live. There’s a great view looking down from there.

By the way, Spice must miss her old pasture, because she made a break for it when the gate was briefly opened. Luckily some beautiful oats distracted her, making it easy to take her back. She can’t help being so obedient. She’s well trained.

Next I enjoyed the huge tree next to the old chicken coop where I tried to care for all the chickens no one wanted anymore. Maybe my son can fix it up and use it.

I’ve spent a lot of time under that tree, and now my kid can.

The final stretch is where I admired the vistas looking west. There were always beautiful sunsets there, and you can see a long way, which you can’t from my house, due to the woods.

What I saw next gave me a laugh, the tank/pond where I went on my first ride on Apache outside of the round pen.

He followed Spice and Sara up to the berm that makes the pond, straight at a mesquite tree. Rather than get mauled, I bailed.

That was my first unplanned dismount from that boy. Memories.

Back at our pasture, I hung out with the chickens and horses and once again expressed gratitude that I have an opportunity to explore this area in Central Texas. It’s not much, but at least for now, some of it is still ours.

Apache and Suna Get Presents

While I was wandering through ghost towns yesterday, things were hopping on the home front. My horse and I were the beneficiaries of it all.

First, Lee was kind enough to mow the area where our round pen got moved. I was a bit afraid of snakes in the long grass. He then mowed some nice paths through the field, even nicer than his last ones.

That’s not all! Work has begun on a new horse playground for me, Apache, and any other horse I can get practice on obstacles for shows, entertain ourselves, and have fun. The first item is a little hill, like the one at Tarrin’s. It’s more of a berm.

The darned backhoe decided it was time to have yet another new problem (hey, it’s older than my kids), so it didn’t get done. But Apache and I tried it out and loved it. We will get so much use out of this tool.

The backhoe has plenty of stinky dirt to move.

Apache and I also tried out a turn in a box and corridor obstacle. I’ve made copies of the obstacle instructions from the Working Horse Central book, so I may be getting more obstacles as well. Riding will be so much more fun.

One path we walked on, framed by flowers.

Later in the day Apache and I rode out to the paths and pen to test them out. We both liked the mowed round pen, and he did pretty well in there. We even walked along much of the paths.

But, the end of the ride was not ideal. I guess Lee had run over some rodents while mowing that were starting to smell good. A Turkey Vulture decided to check it out, which was not at all fun for an already nervous horse.

Bonus: he didn’t flee into the poison ivy patch.

A great deal of crow-hopping and jumpiness ensued, but I didn’t panic. I did allow him to briskly head to more familiar ground, but I eventually helped him calm down enough to walk over some poles and pay attention to me. That was a win as far as I’m concerned. He even let me wash off all his nervous sweat.

He deserved a piece of weird ice cream cake. It’s made with ice cream and self rising flour. We humans ate it for him.

Poor Apache. That was a lot of new stuff for one day!

A Visit to the Local Ghost Town

It’s been a long time since I wrote about the Walker’s Creek community, which is nominally where we live (or Silver City, another town that’s gone). On today’s weekend walk, I decided to investigate what’s left of the community.

Definitely a scenic walk, including the yellow Gaillardia.

Last week I went to the cemetery, so I’ll just show you the entrance. There are older cemeteries in the area, but here’s where all those Hightower and Laywell ancestors are. I mostly enjoy the ancient oaks and birds.

As I’ve mentioned, the cemetery is still in use.

I climbed up the hill to get to the historical area, stopping to enjoy some gorgeous Pitcher’s Leatherflowers. I declare them to be my favorite wildflowers (sorry milkvine).

I found many birds, including lots of raptors. There was even a Bald Eagle, which usually don’t stray so far from the Alcoa lake. I was happy a Swainson’s Hawk flew over, too.

This is my only bird photo. It’s exciting though, because it’s a Painted Bunting NOT hiding in a tree. How do I know that? It was vigorously singing the Painted Bunting song.

I decided to see if there were any fascinating plants at the site of the old Walker’s Creek Church. I think that was also the school site?

I saw the remains of many of the oaks originally planted by early English-speaking settlers. The trees have not handled recent drought years, plus they’re old.

I found a dragonfly, some wildflowers, and the usual trees for around here, cedar elms and hackberry trees. The most unique feature was all the Inca Doves that seem to only live on the top of this hill. They don’t come past the creek to my house. Here’s a sample of what I saw. I’ll spare you yet another dead armadillo.

Female common whitetail *Plathemis lydia*

That wasn’t too exciting, but I enjoyed thinking about the people who settled on this hill so long ago. I’m glad we still have some friendly folks in the community, even short-timers like us and “the dog lady” (Vicki, who raises amazing Shetland sheep dogs).

Alfred says he’d be a sheep dog if we’d get him some sheep. Until then, he’ll just chew his “cigar.”

I’ll have more excitement for you in the morning.

This is the purple box. Everyone notices it. Says it’s an insect trap. Ok.

Horsey Improvement

My riding lesson was the only real highlight of today, since otherwise I did volunteer work and tried to figure out my financial status with Social Security. 💤

I watered my plants. So proud of them for growing from seed.

But Apache and I had our best day ever! I was so pleased to hear from Tarrin that Apache looks better than she’s ever seen him. I have to agree. He has more muscle and less fat than ever, and even his mane is longer than ever. Just a bit of cresty neck is left.

He really has improved in so many ways, and I’m supposed to tell you that the work I’ve done with him at home has helped (that means it’s not just Tarrin’s work). His turning, trotting and gate changes are improving by the week. Today it was so much fun practicing. We work well together at last.

Me getting ready today, as reflected in the horse trailer.

Then we went back to the round pen to practice cantering. I lived! I feel like I’ll be comfortable at it soon. I never thought I’d be able to say that, being so poor at trying new scary things. But hey, I was petrified of trotting when I started taking lessons with Tarrin (and Apache trotted with his head straight up and bouncing).

This morning, we cantered like a normal horse and human. I wish I had photos, but we were busy. Apache sweated a lot.

Good news. I can erase the horrific memories I have of when Sara tried cantering on him when he was young, before the bodywork, muscle building and training both she and I did with him. He was so unbalanced he couldn’t start to canter without a little hitch in his step or a buck…which is exactly what happened when I tried to canter on Drew and I hit the dirt. Geez. No wonder I was a bit hesitant!

But all the preparations Tarrin carefully led us through, including my one step in January, had us both ready. I think we were equally happy to achieve this. This slow and steady approach is really slow, but sure seems to work.

Becoming a better rider and partner to Apache has been a dream of mine for over a decade. I’m enjoying this process so much.

Onward, I guess.