Last year I went over the most and least popular posts of the year, but I’ll just gather a few statistics today and sum the 2020 blogging up with that. It was, at least, a good blog year. It wasn’t all that exciting, though, because I got halfway through this post last week and never finished it. A suiting “tribute” to 2020: Not worth the effort of summarizing.
The trends
I didn’t see it as it happened, but more readers (real and bot) found The Hermits’ Rest blog, which led to more interaction and me discovering more interesting blogs, too!
Yep. Increased.
Slowly but surely, as the months passed, the readers built up, went down, and came back. I think a lot of it was better tagging, linking and keyword use on my part. I was apparently very interesting this summer.
The winners
I always wonder what causes a post to be popular, but this year I know.
Popularity Contest
The most popular post is the one linked to my recent very simple knitting pattern, and #3 is the other post about it. Yep. If I want hits, I need to write more easy knitting patterns. I know why the Passive Aggressive Facebook Posts one got so many hits, too. That’s because I tagged it with “passive aggressive Facebook memes.” That’s apparently a popular thing to search for, and I did include some doozies!
Popularity fell off after those, but I was happy to see so many posts with over 100 hits, which is high for me. Two of those were popular from being shared, the Ghosts from the Past one about my former college professor, Doc Shenkman, and the Restoring Your Historical House one, which the book’s author shared.
Of course, we will want to know what is NOT popular. I predicted which genre of post would fill the sad end of the spectrum: book reports. I figure no one reads those but me. I like just going to the Book Report page and delightedly realizing that I read 44 books last year (which I just did). Hey, not bad for someone who also reads a lot of wordy magazines!
But, look, I was wrong!
But look, I was wrong!
Virtual xox from scary me.
Only one book report was in among the sad posts that only got viewed 18 times, and that’s the one about one of my favorite books of the year, good old Barry O. I thought I did a good job on that one, too. Well, 18 people enjoyed it.
The nature posts generally don’t do too well, so I am not surprised to see lots of them down in the basement. That’s perfectly fine with me, since those are mainly to help me remember what I did and saw.
All in all, though 2020 had its challenges for living one’s life, it was a fine year for blogging. I think I’ll keep it up, as long as writing brings me pleasure and helps me meet new and interesting people. Now, go click a lot of links and get me hits. No, wait, that’s not it. Now, go read things you are interested in and that make you happy. Much better!
For a few years, I participated in the practice of selecting a word of the year. The idea is to look at the year through the lens of the word you chose.
Inspired
I didn’t do it for a few years, and haven’t since I started this blog. But, through the miracle of figuring out where the option to search my old Facebook posts is located in the interface, I found my choices from previous years. It appears that the 2013 word was “Flexibility.” Good choice.
And here I found out the 2014 word was “acceptance” (that’s done me good ever since!) and 2015 was “vulnerability.” Whew. I’m glad I’m healthy for my age, because I can see how long it takes to really assimilate concepts that require fundamental changes in my outlook and mindset.
I’m not sure how I got out of the practice of setting a word for each year, because I enjoyed it in the past. Maybe 2016 was a hard year for focusing. It was the year we spent at the little casita. That was, indeed, a confusing year. Of course, I’m glad I didn’t pick a 2020 word, as interesting as that might have been.
2021
It took very little meditation to have this year’s word come to me. My year’s focus and mantra need to be this.
2021 Suna Word of the Year
Yes. Whatever happens, I want to find it to be enough. I’m not going to push this year. I want to appreciate what I have, how things are, who is in my life, and what happens. I’m not looking for perfection. I want to abide and accept my circumstances. It’s enough.
I encourage you to find your own word for 2021. Please share, if you would like to.
Let’s admit this right off. I stole this idea from a very talented bogger, whose writing I really enjoy. Her blog also has a beautiful design, so check out this post on the Zowiezoe blog. Zoe (how come it’s so much easier to find an umlaut on the phone than on my dang keyboard?) shared how she has never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions, but decided after the weirdness of 2020, she’ll make lots and lots of them. She is going to revolutionize resolutions and resolutionize her life! You see, if you make so many that it’s hard to keep track of them, you’re bound to succeed at one or two!
Example of 2020’s effect on me. These are my “festive” holiday gifts for tomorrow. I bought exactly two gift containers, which are hiding.
I Can Resolutionize, Too
I decided that it would be a fun Christmas Eve activity to make some resolutions, myself. This also conveniently procrastinates from more closet organizing. I won’t have quite as many as Zoe did, but I did like her category ideas. Here goes.
WORK-O-LUTIONS
Planview
Be free with praise to productive coworkers
Contribute more to the LGBTQ+ group and make it the BEST
Remind myself that I enjoy organizing and writing, and have fun
Get a better desk location near a WINDOW
Find new ways to support and encourage my direct reports
Hearts, Homes and Hands
Write more frequent blog posts
Figure out what I can do to help without getting in the way
Support the team!
VOLUNTEER-WORK-O-LUTIONS
Find more ways to help with MTOL; I’ve been a sucky Board member
Keep the spirits up with the Master Naturalists as we can’t DO much right now
Keep my mojo going on the Friends of LLL newsletter, even though hardly anyone gets it because we have so few members
CRAFT-O-LUTIONS
Crochet a cardigan
Crochet an afghan
Knit Lee’s table runner for his office
Knit anything a family member requests (within reason)
Try some new (dog-friendly) things
Use my stash as much as possible
Organize the craft room in each house (ha ha ha ha ha)
SOCIAL-O-LUTIONS
Talk to kids more
Find ways to talk to more friends (and see them, eventually)
Be a better conversationalist, even when tired
Conversely, stay out of conversations where my contribution would not be helpful
Participate more in online groups (I tend to lurk)
Blog every day, for my own fun, not statistics
Comment on people’s blogs and encourage them
Quit trying so hard to be nice to people who aren’t nice to me
HEALTH-O-LUTIONS
Get that annoying post-nasal drip looked at
Go to a dermatologist
Get new glasses/prescription
Keep walking as much as or more than now
CBD Oil. Lots of it.
Don’t stop my therapy just because I only have one big issue
RANCH-O-LUTIONS
Ride the damn horse or get another horse that has good feet and just enjoy Apache
Get more chickens and keep them SAFE
Help however I can to get a tack room and fencing for horses on our property
Contribute to beautifying the outside
Get rid of ugly stuff in the house, like dead plants
Replace the nature tree with a new one
Geez, that should be enough. I hope I get some of this done. But, at the least, Lee will be happy that I now have GOALS and priorities and lists! He loves those, more than anything, I think.
Lee, writing in his journal of lists, goals, goal analysis and goal tracking. He’s amazing at it.
Maybe I’m becoming a better person, right? Some of this will help, or, at least I’ll have fun trying!
So, are you ready for the resolution revolution? Let’s ALL resolutionize!
This morning, I started the day out doing a presentation highlighting the work our Agile team has done in the past two weeks (the usual presenter is already off for the holidays, so I was the stand-in. I had on professional-looking clothing and got to enjoy looking at my little holiday decorations in what passes for my cubicle. Most important, I could see in my Zoom window this little sign I recently bought.
Peace, a thing I knitted, and petrified rock from the ranch.
It’s one lesson I’ve been taking to heart this year. Peace doesn’t show up, you make it happen, and it starts inside. As I was feeling peaceful and proud, I did a good job presenting all our stuff in exactly the time allowed. I may know what I’m doing!
The world may be a bit sideways right now, but we can always get some wisdom out of it, right?
There was then a company-wide meeting, at which some changes were announced that I suspected would happen, but still made me sad and added another layer to this change-ridden period we’re living through. But, our CEO told a great story at the beginning of the meeting.
He talked about listening to a golf podcast (how CEO-like) that said the word of the day was “rejoice.” Minutes later, on his commute to the practically empty office, a car cut him off (join the club!). He had to laugh when he saw the car’s bumper sticker, which read “Rejoice.” It would probably help to pay attention to your driving while you’re rejoicing, I think.
As the rest of the company wove the idea of rejoicing through their presentations, I was rejoicing over the amazing work my team had done so quickly, as well as the work our Diversity and Inclusion initiative members have done. I’m so happy to be a part of the new LGBTQ+ group and to help out with learning and development at the company. It’s amazing what people who really care about things can do, and that’s worth some rejoicing!
My work plant is not dead, and just seeing it and the little wren brings me joy.
As a company, we have found things to be happy and proud about, even during the hardest times of many of our lives. As a person, I am aware that I’ve been doing the same thing all year, in this blog, as I talk to people, and as I go about my life. There is much to rejoice about, even though some of us have to look pretty deep to find it.
No need to buy more inexpensive yarn, I can also rejoice in my immense stash, just waiting to be something someone wants! Photo from @AZ.BLT via Twenty20
And if there’s nothing going well, make something you can be proud of. That’s what we are doing at work, and I’m taking that lesson into the rest of my life. I’ve even started putting projects into my Ravelry page again (it had been sadly neglected since 2018), rejoicing in my newly simplified knitting adventures. Not only am I bringing peace to myself, I’m bringing joy. Or else. Join me!
Lately I’ve been enjoying photos of some friends who are my age. For example, Kathy, who I know from high school, has been sharing a sweater she knitted every day this month, and it’s been so fun to see what she’s made, and I’ve envied that she lives in Colorado now and actually gets to wear them.
Also, though, I’ve been enjoying how she looks in each photo. She just glows with happiness, her eyes shine, and her smile is bright. So what if she just had another birthday? This is my idea of beauty, because her beauty as a human being shines through.
Yes, she made that herself. Check out mountainpurl on Ravelry for more!
In my family, we sometimes talk about how the pandemic hasn’t been kind to our figures or that all the stress is showing in how we look and feel. I know I sometimes look in a mirror and wonder who the heck that is looking back.
Unretouched photo of me, today, with hair no longer blue.
It’s really tempting to focus on the obvious signs that I’m not a kid anymore. Those lip wrinkles make me look like a long-time smoker (I never smoked!), the jowls make me wonder if I’ll look like Droopy Dog eventually (my great aunt did). And the neck. Eww. That’s enough, though I could go on.
Other parts of me are fascinating, too. I have interesting new moles and marks (yes I get them looked at), my stomach is at its poochiest (and it’s pooched since birth), and while my breasts finally got larger than an A cup, they have been defeated by gravity.
So What?
Yeah! I’m mentioning all this stuff, because when I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw this new me and I was fine with her. I don’t exactly recognize her sometimes, but I like her. When she’s happy, she really looks pleased. When she’s down (or thinking, in a Zoom meeting), she looks like my dad or my brother, so at least I’m still a member of my family.
This is nowhere near as awful as I look in some meetings. But, it’s me.
And I feel so free to dress and act however is comfortable to me. That was a long time coming. I used to try to dress to portray membership in my group (hippies, corporate employees, cowboys). Now it’s more like, what looks fun today?
Cowgirl time (2014).
I wish I could find the article I recently read about people who identify as women and their relationship with makeup. It talked about the conflict between so many young women claiming makeup gives them freedom with the thoughts of many of us older feminists who feel that requiring makeup of women, but not men, is another sexist vestige.
I think back to what I’ve spent on makeup, hair stuff, nail stuff, etc., and know I have gotten some company executives richer. It’s a conflict for me, for sure. I don’t think I NEED makeup, nail polish, or blue hair to be attractive. I don’t NEED overly coordinated clothing, either. I could wear jeans and a t-shirt every day the rest of my life and be fine. But, dressing up is fun. I guess it’s a part of my cultural identity as a Western woman that I can’t get rid of completely.
That’s right. The outfit even has a coordinating mask.
At least I acknowledge it! And that’s the thing. I want to encourage all my friends to love who they are at the age they are and feel pretty, all over. We’re here, we’re alive, and we’re creative. Let’s not hide who we are, but shine like Kathy in all her sweaters! It’s all GREAT.
A few days ago, my blogger friend V wrote up her opinions of multi-level marketing companies (MLMs). I thought she made some great points, and her viewpoint helped me solidify my own thinking about these businesses. I also read the many comments on her post (how do you get people to comment? I have no clue!) and learned a lot from them.
These are “the” pyramids, and have nothing to do with any marketing scheme other than their shape. Photo by @HazemElEtre via Twenty20.
Definitions
First, since I posted something about this on Facebook recently, I know some of you want to know what an MLM is.
My Facebook post, which is still getting comments after two weeks.
MLM companies sell their products or services through person-to-person sales. That means you’re selling directly to other people, maybe from your home, a customer’s home, or online.
If you join an MLM program, the company may refer to you as an independent “distributor,” “participant,” or “contractor.” Most MLMs say you can make money two ways:
by selling the MLM’s products yourself to “retail” customers who are not involved in the MLM, and
by recruiting new distributors and earning commissions based on what they buy and their sales to retail customers.
Your recruits, the people they recruit, and so on, become your sales network, or “downline.” If the MLM is not a pyramid scheme, it will pay you based on your sales to retail customers, without having to recruit new distributors.
A pyramid scheme is an illegal and really bad version of an MLM.
Examples
You have heard of many MLMs, though you may not know it, since most people who participate call them small businesses. They started out a LONG time ago, too. I remember our 1960s “Avon Lady” very well (she gave me tiny lipsticks, which made me feel grown up). And my grandmother had a friend who pushed Amway detergent at her.
MLM examples you may know of include: Amway, Avon, Color Street, doTerra,* LuLaRoe, Mary Kay, Nu Skin, Onehope Wine, Pampered Chef, PartyLite, Perfectly Posh, Rodan + Fields, Scentsy, Tastefully Simple, Thirty-One, and Young Living. Who hasn’t bought some of these products? And many of them are pretty good quality, fun, and only a bit over-priced.
A product sold through an MLM (one I have never bought from). Photo by @jeswfromtexas via Twenty20.
My History with MLMs
I cannot come across Holier Than Thou and say that I’ve never been involved in MLMs because I have so many ethics and know how much money they take away from friends, etc. I’ve bought a LOT. I also can’t say I don’t know people who have made a reasonable supplemental income off them, because I DO.
To be honest, I always felt good about helping friends out with making a little extra money on good quality items that I can actually use. I even had a few “parties” back in the good old days. We used to have a blast with PartyLite, quickly getting past ordering some candles and into chatting, eating, and drinking. When my friend Gina was doing Tastefully Simple, too, there was a lot of fun to be had.
I just LOVE these products, though. Sniff.
The online events they have now aren’t as much fun for me, but I appreciate how much work people go to so that their events are engaging and fun for people who like guessing games and the community-building questions.
Most of the people I know who’ve done MLMs have been sincere people who needed to make some money from home. The sales pitches from consultants who recruit new ones are also very good. It’s easy to see how the prospect of recruiting someone else and making money from that would be enticing, especially if you have few other options. Building up a “team” is the “multi-level” part and what makes me uncomfortable.
Random sampling of MLM lotions I happen to have within arms’ reach.
That’s where I always drew the line. I don’t care HOW much I liked something, I was NOT going to sell it to others or recruit friends. I didn’t mind spending my own money on something “frivolous,” but didn’t like trying to get my friends to spend their money. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been begged to sell products I like and use myself.
*One Time I Did Join Something
Confession time. I like essential oils. The chemistry is really interesting to me. I like diffusing them, smelling them, and in some cases, ingesting them (I am also familiar with caveats about them, so no need for lectures). When I started buying lots of them from my friend Sara, who also really likes them, she said I really needed to become a consultant, or whatever they call them, so I can get the products at the lower cost. As I tend to go through them pretty fast, that made sense.
I’ve got hundreds of these kinds of things. Oops.
I’ve been a doTerra consultant for at least 4 years now. I have sold two items at retail. I have recruited no one. I get stuff for me, my family, and my friends. And, I guess I will have to stop soon, for reasons I’ll eventually get to, as I ramble along.
I Gotta Live My Principles
Back to the beginning, reading what V was saying about her friends going into deep debt, and knowing the debt some of my own friends have gotten into, it became clear that when I was “helping” friends by buying things, I really wasn’t helping, just encouraging them to get deeper into the MLM world, getting them more and more pushy, insistent about you buying their wares, and becoming “assholes,” as V put it. I’d say acting like assholes, since these are people I like.
The online MLM pressure is really getting out of hand, and I don’t think it’s healthy at this point, if it ever was. These are NOT small businesses, they are people making money for other people, up and up a pyramid. I can’t do it anymore, so I will have to go cold turkey on some things I really like (I don’t know if I can give up my R+F skin care stuff though; it really works).
So, friends, if you really start up a new business, I’ll buy something. And if you are one of my few friends who does really well with MLM, I salute you. I just know how hard it is when you are stuck with hundreds or thousands of dollars of inventory with no one to sell it to, because you’ve alienated everyone you know. I don’t want to encourage that to happen to more people I care about.
If you’re thinking about going into one of these things to pay for gifts, or whatever, remember what V says in her blog post:
If a business exists solely on social media, that is a red flag.
If a business relies on your initial investment to be a legitimate ‘boss’ that is a red flag.
If a business is teaching you how to get rich quick on social media, that is a red flag.
If a business relies on teaching someone how to teach someone how to teach someone, that’s a pyramid scheme.
You may have read my post earlier in the week, about what to do as we move forward. In it, I talked about an article I’d read about some of the less credible conspiracy theories that are going on around the world right now. In response, my friend Marian asked me: “Your blog brings up this question for me. How were you able to determine that the conspiracies were false?”
Where IS that Loch Ness monster, anyway? Photo by @dancing_on_rainbows_ via Twenty20.
Only free Putin image I found. Image from @dancing_on_rainbows_ via Twenty20
Well, isn’t THAT a good question? Maybe something’s only a conspiracy theory to those who think there’s no way it could be true (based on no firm evidence), and that same thing could be just a theory to people who think it’s plausible (with the same amount of firm evidence). Take, for example, the theory that Vladimir Putin has a series of body doubles who pretend to be him on some occasions. The evidence for it is that he keeps looking younger and younger in photos. The people who discount it point out that one of his nicknames is Man of Botox (or something like that). So, either he’s conspiring to trick people, or he’s just a fan of cosmetic surgery. Who knows?
Of course, there are much darker, scarier and less provable conspiracies, like QAnon (not linking to that!), who killed JFK, whether there are dead aliens in Area 51, if the moon landing was a hoax, etc. Here’s a handy list of some popular ones. Some seem silly, some seem plausible, and some may forever be theories. It’s the “conspiracy” part that concerns me. I’m fine not knowing stuff. I don’t know a lot of stuff, and one of my firmest beliefs is that there are many things we humans haven’t figured out yet that might make confusing things more comprehensible.
I can’t believe I didn’t drop in when I was in the area. Image by @lovnjeeps via Twenty20.
A conspiracy implies that there are forces out there hiding things from others, or even that certain in-groups are privy to information that is hidden on purpose from everyone else. At least QAnon is nice enough to leave breadcrumbs for their minions, right? Neither the Illuminati nor the Liberal Media Conspiracy have sent me their clues, though, and I am bummed.
Turning back to Marian’s question, I think it’s easier to prove something is a conspiracy than it is to prove the theory’s veracity. I think we’re just not going to know until they trot out that alien, or whatever. That’s fine. People can choose not to believe things they don’t have good evidence for, or they can choose to do so, if it makes them happy.
It may not matter one bit. It’s what people DO.
The important thing is that we differentiate false claims with evidence to prove their falsehood from unproven theories. That seems to be a real issue in the US right now, where you say something enough times that it’s declared true, or lies don’t matter if you say them with enough conviction.
What I’m trying to get at here, as I type as I think, is that conspiracy theories that aren’t harming anyone really aren’t a problem. When enough people believe there are conspiracies going on, even with no evidence, and they take action that harms others…that’s why I’m worried. I’m afraid I see that as a possibility in the near future. Just because you can’t prove a conspiracy theory is right or wrong doesn’t mean it can’t be very dangerous.
We’ll see. Did this make any sense at all? Do you have any comments to steer me toward making more sense? I’m open!
First, thanks for your interest in my stories about my past adventures. I expected to get about twelve people to read yesterday’s post, not the actual number! It’s a Blogmas miracle! This makes me think that I may want to write up some memories every week or so. First I have to go plow through some photo albums, half of which appear to be in Austin and half in Cameron (oh the problems of having two houses, lol).
Here, to show you how happy I am, enjoy a photo of me from…a long time ago? I have no idea when this was taken.
While I do have more memories to share, my thoughts this morning got all derailed by reading a couple of posts on conspiracy theories and code words. First I read a cautionary piece on Facebook by Jim Rigby, my favorite Christian minister. He talked about the importance of not thinking that the issues the US is dealing with will just go away with a change in the presidency.
He also provided a handy kind of “dictionary” that helps in understanding what you’ll hear certain groups (conservative subgroups) of people saying they believe in, versus what the underlying implications are. Here are a few juicy ones:
“Elites” is a term of derision. It is not generally applied to the plutocrats who pillage our nation, but is reserved for stigmatizing and marginalizing anyone with expertise.
“Family values” is a term of reverence for the patriarchal hierarchy.
“Religious liberty” is a term referring to the “right” of Christians to impose their religion on non-Christians. If Muslims try to have influence in the public sphere they are accused of trying to bring about shariah law, and Jewish activists are smeared with tropes going back to the Spanish Inquisition
“Christian persecution” is a term often using actual persecution against Christians in other countries to pretend that Christians are being persecuted when not allowed to rule THIS land.
Jim Rigby, link below
You can read the whole thing below.
I’ve gone on and on about how vital it is to take into account the facts (yes, that means things that have really happened) about race relations here, like Jim Crow laws, lynchings, jerrymandered voting districts, educational inequities, housing inequities, yadda yadda. There’s a boatload of it. What I liked about Rigby’s piece is that he spelled it all out so succinctly (considering it’s a boatload).
Oh look, some flowers. Let’s breathe and enjoy them.
Then, I happened upon a great article from The Economist that you can’t read unless you sign up (grr). It talked about conspiracy theories around the world. Whoa, I had no idea how widespread and crazy some are. Did you know Putin has numerous body doubles, so he can live forever? On the other hand, apparently gays are trying to take over his government, even though they have no power. And there were weird ideas from Japan and other places, too.
Conspiracy theories are just fine, until enough people are convinced they are true and start harming others. I’m keeping an eye on them!
Sorry to be such a downer today. I just want to say that it behooves all of us, no matter what “team” we are on, to make sure we are basing our opinions on what it actually happening, and to not hide in our safe little circles. Everyone needs checks and balances, so let’s be responsible.
More flowers, the last of my autumn decorations. I got one bouquet to last well over a week and become multiple smaller ones. Happy December!
Back to cute stories later. At least I shared some fun photos.
Twelve years ago today was a day much like today, although a little warmer. It was cloudy and a bit gloomy. I was, as usual, a little bit stressed. But much of it was GOOD stress, because I was looking forward to the wedding of my (quirky) dreams to the quirky man of my dreams, Lee.
Aww, we are so quirky.
While the setting was great, what was most important was that I was surrounded by the people I loved the most in the world. My beloved father and my sister had both joined us, and my two sons were there, pitching in and helping. I had some of the best friends I could ask for participating in the wedding, ranging from my church family to my dear knitting friends. And when you threw in the people who came, including kids from the band bus, a high school friend, and Chris, who I met that day…wow, what happiness.
As long as Lee and I were publicly declaring our intentions to be a family for the rest of our lives, I didn’t care about the rest. I’m just so glad to have him at my side (figuratively right now) as we experience the joys and sorrows, fun times and challenges of the latter part of our lives. Better late than never!
Sitting here, separated by two counties and 80 miles away from my husband, and with yet ANOTHER exposure to deal with and keep me away, I’m getting a lot of comfort from remembering how our wedding came out so well.
Stop Me If You’ve Heard This
People who’ve known me since 2008 will know this, but I’d like to share anyway. What else is a blog for? We got married just before sunset on the labyrinth at Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church. That was special to me, because I helped build the labyrinth.
We had two wonderful officiants, a long-time pagan UU friend (Linda) and one of the ministers at our church (Kathleen). We had beautiful vows that Linda helped us write.
Linda and Kathleen
My attendants each dressed in an appropriate color and carried a symbol for earth, air, fire, and water. They were good sports, especially the LDS and evangelical ones.
Carolyn (fire), Suzanne (water), me, Deana (earth – she’s carrying a crystal), and Susan (air)
My sons escorted me down the aisle, wearing neckties with the tartan of their father’s ancestral land in Ireland.
Dad and my boys. Lights of my life.
My dad gave “approval” in the ceremony.
Dad covered up his nametag.
We had great music. My friend Jeff, who’d lived with us for a long time, played my favorite instrumental piece that he wrote as we walked around the labyrinth (shortened so it wouldn’t be interminable). And Bill, from my folk trio, sang “My Beautiful Mystery Companion,” by Jackson Browne. All the music was great.
Jeff at the music station.
As the ceremony went on I looked around and saw my entire community. I never felt so supported in my life. There were my neighbors, old friends, new friends, young people and elderly folks, all in a circle, surrounding us with love.
I see so many friends.
Even the decorations and the reception were done by friends. My dress was incredible, a “real” wedding dress, just red, that my friend Katy helped me order in San Marcos, where she’d gotten her dress. The flowers came from Costco, and we just arranged them in vases we already had (except the one BIG arrangement).
We ran out of red and gold, so we put the pink ones in a separate area.
My friend Tina was there to help with decorating and all the logistics, while Elizabeth baked the beautiful cake with the topper that looked just like us.
I found this wedding topper on Ebay. I couldn’t believe I found a bride wearing a red dress, and both with the right hair colors.
Elizabeth making the cake. I can’t find a photo of the finished product, but I know there were some!
The days before the wedding were hectic, but fun, as all these folks, plus my dad and sister, were helping set up.
You can see how tired I was the day before the wedding. Tina was holding me up.
We had a fun reception, where my friends played music and everyone got to eat barbecue from our favorite resturant (and were glad to be indoors, since it really cooled off once the sun went down).
Pre-wedding photo of me and Parker (who is now Kate) making the signs directing people to the wedding. I miss the pansy wallpaper, still, but not the decorative fly swatter.
I was glad to have my wedding shawl, which was made from wool I picked out and was spun by my friend Jody. I knitted it to be filled with beads, so it made great noises, and laid perfectly against the dress.
Here’s a good view of my shawl. Linda is beaming at us from an altar with a cloth from my friends Gregory and Ravi’s wedding, which had the same colors. That’s Martha in the black shawl.
Memories like this help you get through hard times. Knowing that I’m still friends with nearly everyone who attended warms my heart. Following all these people over the past twelve years has brought so many changes. Birth, deaths, marriages, divorces, new names, new careers, moves to distant places, and so much more. Community. A varied and colorful community. And someone to enjoy it all with. That makes life great.
So many people helped! Canova arranged the peacock feathers, which came from Lee’s niece’s birds.
Thank you, Lee, for sticking with me as these darned quarantines keep getting expanded and expanded. Thanks for listening to me and making me think. Together, I hope we get to enjoy many more years. I’m glad we found each other, at last.
We’re older and our hair is different colors, but it’s still us!
Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane for me. It sure made another quarantined Sunday happier for me.
I got so involved with writing my previous post that I forgot to make one of my points. While thinking of types of people I might be biased against, I became very aware of some ways in which my subconscious biases me toward some people.
While out on a walk with Anita and Pickle, I even said, “I always think I’ll like anyone who has this sign in front of their house.”
The sign has all my buzz words on it. Plus I like the flag addition: it’s for all of us in the USA.
Now, there’s a positive bias! I just assume that, by buying one of these signs, they must be great folks. These must be fine people, too:
I happen to know the sign’s owner IS a nice person, but from actually knowing her, not from her sign.
This is just as inaccurate a way to judge others as lumping all people with Trump pickup-truck flags in the same boat. You really don’t know what a person is like until you actually get to know them (yes, I know their signs DO give a hint, but let’s not pre-judge!).
I tend to have a favorable bias towards dog lovers, too (which helps mitigate some other biases). And if you own a spotted mini-donkey…oooh, you must be GREAT.
Now you know why I fell for my spouse. It was the dogs.
I have some other positive biases, mostly based on education, career choices, and hobbies (I always feel betrayed when I find out a fellow knitter is actually creepy, but having read comments directed at some of my gay knitting heroes, I know they’re out there).
I blame my bias on Mike. Most things are his fault, after all. Here we are in 2013. Apparently I’d just given him a rabbit hutch.
Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure I’m positively biased toward gay men (more neutral toward others). I wonder if it’s because they’ve been kinder to me most of my life, in general, than any other group. Or it’s just empathy based on my family and past friends’ experiences. Of course I’ve known some unpleasant gay men, but my bias makes me assume I’ll like them. Like with any other group, of course, it’s better to get to know individuals than make sweeping generalizations.
Here we are again in February 2020, just before being attacked by the quarantine and becoming more…substantial. I have no idea where we are.
To be honest, after thinking about my positive biases, I can see that they can be helpful shortcuts to identifying potential friends, but they can also make you assume things about people that might not be true. I’m going to make sure I identify the positive ones as well as the negative unconscious biases.
Enjoy this cloud formation in far southeast Austin as you ponder bias.
The Hermits' Rest 