Ramblings – Page 4 – The Hermits' Rest

Let’s Just Be Kind

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

Seems that this here blog prompt wants us to brag on ourselves about some spectacular kind thing we’ve done for someone. I don’t feel like doing that.

I don’t have to follow instructions! Here are basil blossoms.

Instead, I’ll share how I manifest my small and unspectacular acts of kindness. In a nutshell, I just make an effort to see the humanity of people I come across, even when I’m tired, hungry, in a hurry, or distracted. It’s hard to do! Perhaps that’s why I mentally pat myself on the back when I’m kind under pressure.

Treating people who serve you your food or check you out at a store like someone worth knowing and sharing a kind word with is usually pretty easy and always very kind. I’ve had some great conversations that way!

Bonus: Lee bought and repotted this lovely angel-wing begonia for the porch. He also got the screens clean! He did a kindness for me!

Waving at people going down the road, that lets them know you remember a human is in that car. So I do that.

At work I try to check in with folks, to remind me that they’re not just annoying employees and remind them I’m not just the weird Planview lady.

I have a long history of being that weird lady, though.

No need to go on and on. I truly feel that the best kindnesses we can bestow are when we could most easily skip them. I find it takes no more energy to be kind than to be grumpy, though often being kind makes you stop and think about what you’re doing. And voila! you’re being kinder to yourself.

In more mundane news, I started August with dusty violet hair (way more subtle) and purple geode nails. It’s already Lammas, the first harvest celebration. The year is flying by.

I drove to College Station all by myself this afternoon to go to dinner with friends. Great food, fun stories of war, crime, and peace…and even some pleasant live music. Tomorrow I may seek out a park and birds.

Tarot card of the day

The Hanged One, or the Tree in the Gaian Tarot. It’s about keeping your center even when things get topsy turvy. I love the sky in the upside down yoga woman (tree pose)’s outfit.

I have more confidence than usual that I’m handling all the world’s weirdness. Hope it lasts!

Looks Are Deceiving

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

I’m out of cheery topics today, since there was another family health scare today, but it’s not my story to tell. All is okay though, so let’s get trivial and answer today’s blog prompt.

My self image. Drab and brown. Well, tan.

Hello, person who can’t see me. I’m Suna. I’m a human being age 67, which makes me an elder, but still active. I’m short for a 21st-century human, partly because my parents were small, but also because of my mother’s drinking and smoking during pregnancy. She meant well.

I’m sturdily built, big-boned and strong for my size. I’m physically healthy and can walk long distances, swim well, and ride a horse. I’m neither fat nor thin. Medium in most ways, nothing really remarkable about my body other than it works.

I have long, fine, wavy hair that used to be much thicker. It was originally medium ash brown, but now is half gray, with grayer streaks. Currently it’s pink. Tomorrow it will be lilac. My hair is not as unremarkable as other parts of me.

I have light brown eyes, a reasonable nose and odd but functional teeth that look ok when I smile. My face has freckles and wrinkles and old person defects. My neck is wrinkled and wattled. I look a lot like my father, which is fine.

The part of me other than my hair that is remarkable are my fingernails, which grow long and straight. I dress like a man half the time, but my nails always look shiny and fun. I’ve had the fun fingernails habit for 50 years, ever since I stopped biting them.

Like I said, I usually have jeans and a t-shirt on, but for work I wear nicer tops and jewelry, often turquoise. I do wear glasses, some boring, some not. I’m often found looking at a bird or tree.

Tarot card of the day has me up in trees looking at birds! Coincidence? Maybe not.

Basically, I’m a pleasantly plain dumpy older woman who sometimes has unnaturally colored hair and always has colorful nails. That’s enough to pick me out in a crowd, or teach the algorithm to find me. Nice and dull.

Then I open my mouth…

On Judging Others and Yourself

Judging is something humans do. People unlike themselves get judged. Much judging is unfair and undertaken without the necessary information to make a fair judgement. If you think you’re not judgmental, examine your thoughts. It creeps in, even when you dearly hope to avoid it.

I’m improving in this area, after too many people have accused me of it. I’m always truly surprised, but eventually learn to see how they might interpret things I say or do as judgmental. Or sometimes they’re judging me. Ha! What a web of judgments!

It took me longer to create this image than to write the post.

I started thinking of this when a family member posted this on Facebook:

I have never been hated or judged by someone I want to become! Think about that for a while

It made me think not of other people, but of ourselves. The person I’ve judged and felt negatively toward the most is ME! Much therapy and practice of self love has gone into getting me where I am today, which is in a space where I’m comfortable with myself just as I am, mistakes and all.

I don’t want to become like anyone else anymore, nor do I want to bend over backwards to please others so much that I’m no longer me, but some miserable fake. So if someone hates or judges me, I’m much better at noticing it and letting it go. It’s their problem.

Have you read this before? Probably. Periodically I’m compelled to write some version of this “new and improved me” statement. My guess is that it happens for one of three reasons:

I’ve found myself judging someone or a group of people and need to remind myself that I’m trying not to do this. It’s hard at times, though.
I’ve realized someone has been judging me and it stings a bit. That’s okay; I just need to let the moment pass and not ruminate on it.
I’m reminded of some things I did in the 1980s that make me cringe now. That happened today. Then I remembered this person was also going through a series of very public poor decisions at the time. We both need to forgive ourselves and each other.

So yeah. I think most of us want to become our best possible selves, and a good start would be to love and have compassion for ourselves rather than hatred and judgment.

Tarot card of the day

It was another repeat, but another good one, the Ace of Cups, reminding me that I’ve been on a long journey and am tired of struggling, but I e made it to where I want to be and ready to start afresh with love in my heard.

This fits with my thinking.

The Slug of Exhaustion

The title is my weak analogy to yesterday’s blog title, The Salmon of Knowledge. I was pretty sluggish today after all yesterday’s exercise, though I ended up with almost as much exercise today, thanks to swimming in circles around the pool and vigorously winding yarn into ball, which counts.

Of course, I spent time in nature. Hope these Mockingbird babies make it.

It’s healthy to take a day off from being busy, though, so I gave myself permission to sit on the porch, watch documentaries on octopi, and enjoy food Kathleen made. The porch is getting even more relaxing. Two of my cushions arrived, and now lying on the couch is as comfortable as my bed.

Lee says the pillows are too loud. I say they pull together the trim, couch, and blue chair colors. Wait until he sees the outdoor rug…

Being the Slug of Exhaustion today also allowed me to ignore anything stressful that I possibly could. I just looked at my surroundings and enjoyed them, enjoyed the family, and will take the stress back up tomorrow.

Since I have nothing deep to say, let me recommend the Billy Joel documentary, And So It Goes, part 1 of which just came out. This part covers the years I really liked, the 70s, when he was quite amazing to see live. You end up really liking his first wife.

Oh, here’s something exciting. The unused RV that had been next to my tack room went away today. It will be easier to get to my square bales of hay that way. It looks all color-coordinated now!

Tarot card of the day

Today I pulled the Explorer (knight) of Water (cups). It’s a pretty darned happy card, hinting I’m in a good place, emotionally today, able to navigate the waves of feelings smoothly. It also may indicate a new emotional path, sort of like yesterday’s 10 of Water.

We will see. As I grow more Hermit-like in my self preservation mode, I’ll be interested to see if anything manages to stir me in new emotional directions other than inward!

The Little Animal Things

Still a busy busy week at work and home. Luckily, being occupied with work keeps me from other thoughts. Even better, I’ve got all these animals to keep my “free” time not very free.

I love going out on breaks to care for the hens and check on the horses. Dusty always sticks his head in my hands for love.

And working to keep Apache feeling good and getting Drew back into work is a great distraction. Droodles is getting lots of reminders that crazy canter is not his goal. But he’s awfully good walking on Lee’s new trails.

And then the dogs. Even when I’m feeling the jitters over things I can’t control, they make me and Lee laugh.

And thanks to all of you who share your pets, birds, and kids on social media—it doesn’t remove serious concerns but it reminds me of what’s good.

Romantic Thoughts

What’s your definition of romantic?

Eh. I don’t dwell much on romanticism at the medium-old age of 67. Still, I do know what my caring spouse does that makes me feel loved and appreciated. He hits most of the love languages, too.

He notices little things I do and tells me what a good job I’ve done.
He picks up little things when he’s out that he knows I like—flowers, a book, a tasty treat, etc.
He shows interest in my interests. I can’t tell you how much it touches me that he spots birds and tells me about them or takes an insect photo to upload on iNaturalist.
He does many things to make my life easier or more pleasant, without me asking.

Yeah, Lee may be grumpy sometimes, but he’s a good guy, and quietly romantic.

Tawny Emperor butterfly he photographed for me this morning.

I hope I do something he finds romantic!

This is our engagement photo. I hardly recognize him without facial hair!

PS: it rained a good bit today. In July! That led us to romantically sit on the new porch and listen to rain.

Honest, I’m Fine

Whenever I start to go in and on about my pessimism it makes certain beloved relatives worried. When I realized that this afternoon I began to muse about how okay I’m actually doing right now. I guess if things have to get scary for those of us not in power, now is preferable to even a few years ago, for me. Spiritual growth is a big help.

Lee says a giant porch chair is a big help.

It’s taken a long time to get to where I don’t panic and start feeling paranoid. Even if “they” were out to get me, it wouldn’t hangs who I am or how I act. Like a friend mentioned in response to yesterday’s post, I’m going to choose to be kind. I’m also not going to give up my ethics and morals. Not panicking doesn’t mean not doing the right thing.

By the way, porch furniture came mere minutes after my son finished the beautiful trim work. He did so well.

(Aside: more than one person I know called their representative today and talked to a real person.)

Look at that fine detail. Craftsmanship!

Anyway, I’m coping well, my anxiety only pops up occasionally, and I’m enjoying my little hermit life. I’m staying in my lane, not asking questions of anyone who’s not wanting to share with me, and enjoying the heck out of my tiny circle of friends and loved ones, dogs, horses, and fowl. That, and birds, is enough to create a peaceful oasis.

This excellent hammertail robberfly was my nature fun of the day.

Please remind me of my peace when I start whining about being lonely, left out, or missing old friends. It does happen. Those I care about are in my heart! That has to be enough.

And all of you who read and comment and share your stories with me are also in my heart. Thank you for showing all of us how much good and caring for others there still is in the world.

Who, Me, Worry?

What are you most worried about for the future?

Worrying isn’t going to change anything. It never does. So I work at not worrying.

I thought my volunteer flower collection would be cheerful.

The problem for me is that I don’t know what we can do to prevent a bleak future with very few powerful people and many, many people who must fend for themselves.

I don’t remember ever wanting to know what it was like to be one of the educated people in the Dark Ages who weren’t in power.

The present is still here, and we can make our little corners of the world full of respect and kindness as we wait to see what those in power, elected by people wanting to back to the past, decide to do with us.

Bleak. I’m feeling bleak today. It was a bad news day for the poor, the sick, and the elderly. I have a right to feel pessimistic. At least for now I can say so in public.

On the other hand, on a local level, it’s a good day for Texas Horned Lizards, because I found a nice new harvester ant bed. Horny toads eat them!

This large ant bed is near the horse pens

To cheer me up, I’ll share that I had a visit from a beautiful female Summer Tanager this evening around sunset. She bopped around the salvia plants for quite some time, though I was too entranced to get a photo. What a treat!

Great Teaching? It Depends

What makes a teacher great?

I’ve written about teachers I admire many times in this blog over the years, and you can go to the search bar and find them (a good teacher encourages students to do the work themselves, ha ha). I’ve even been called a good teacher, which is undoubtedly an advantage for my career as a teacher. Great? Some might say so; others might not. That’s fine.

Great teachers are passionate about helping people learn. I’ll teach you that this is a passion flower *Passiflora incarnata.* Passion.

One person’s great teacher can be a poor fit for someone else. That’s why I think one factor that makes a good teacher is the ability to change their style depending on the student. That’s why I prefer to teach one on one. It’s hard to meet all the students’ needs in large group settings. It’s very frustrating and makes me cranky.

Whoever taught my son how to lay floor tile was at least a very good teacher. All that’s left are baseboards.

Great teachers need more than a mastery of the subject matter and a sense of humor. The best ones I’ve had all were able to make whatever they were teaching relevant to their students and got them thinking about the topic for themselves. Sometimes the diversions that come about when engaged students start asking questions make the subject matter unforgettable. I can still remember what that feels like.

It makes me gloriously happy – and here are morning glories.

One reason I was a student so long was that many great teachers engaged me, made me think about things in new ways, and shaped me into who I am. I loved learning and still do. I could probably attend pragmatics and semantics seminars the rest of my life and never get bored, but hey, I have Master Naturalist trainings now, and some of those presenters fit my criteria for great teachers!

I also love teaching, whether students find me “great” or not. Helping someone learn a new skill or see things in new ways feels almost magical. It’s darn hard work figuring out the best way to present new content to perhaps a disinterested audience but nonetheless it’s rewarding. No wonder I had a difficult time staying retired! I enjoy the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, the baby swallows challenge me to leave them alone.

Maybe next time I retire I can stick to teaching nature apps instead of project portfolio management. As they say, no one dreams of being the best project manager ever as a child. You just suddenly are one. Then you watch a lot of training videos if people like me can keep you awake.

Inching towards Sustainability

Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

I have to admit that I haven’t made as many strides towards a sustainable lifestyle as many people I know and admire. But at the same time I’ve done more than many folks I know. I’m in the middle somewhere.

I took exactly one picture today. There’s a dragonfly in this image.

One thing I’ve done is to stop buying clothing and “shop” my own closet. I know the reason I like having clothing is that I didn’t have much growing up. Then there’s my love of colors and accessories. Still, I want to buy less and recycle more, so I’m giving things I don’t need to my son’s partner, who does reselling in some way young people do. It seems smart.

I’m also happy that we’re getting set up to harvest rainwater. Step 1 was pouring the pad to put the large tanks on.

I wish I were a better/more patient gardener and could grow more of our own food, but I’m not. My only success in growing food is thanks to the hens and Connie (the turkey). Of course, I give them organic chicken feed, etc., so the eggs probably cost more than at the store, but at least my chickens have a life with fresh air, snacks, comfy housing, and me, their human friend.

I do like to forage for native plants to eat, but as with gardening, I don’t do it consistently. I’m more engrossed by birds and horses.

Hmm. I eat a lot of whole foods and organic products, especially the things Kathleen doesn’t like from her nutritionist. I eat anything, so I waste little food.

I don’t spray herbicides from the air, either, unlike the crop duster.

That’s not a spectacular list. Maybe writing this down will inspire me to make more of a sustainability effort. I hope you’re doing better than I am, but one thing’s certain, we can all do better.