My friend Gail died today. She was one of my small circle of high school friends who chat frequently. So, today am taking time to remember this strong, resilient, funny woman. Probably gonna do more of that tomorrow.
Four of us who struggled through high school together: me, Anita, Gail, Jana
I feel the worst for Jana, who lost her best friend today. Wow they were lucky to have each other to share tragedy and joy.
Jana, her husband Reggie, and Gail
I bet Gail had no idea what she meant to some of us. We need to remind those we care about that we do care, through ups, downs, absences, and all that. Go hug your dear friends, or call, or text. I did a lot of that today. So glad for true friends, old and new.
We also lost this sweet high school friend recently. His presence is missed. I keep wondering why I haven’t seen him in social media.
And the tarot cards were eerie again. Yesterday was the 9 of Swords, grief. That was me, knowing Gail was failing.
Also that lady kind of looks like Gail
Today was 6 of Cups, that healing circle of friends.
It looks like our group, with one friend transformed and swimming off.
Scour the news for an entirely uninteresting story. Consider how it connects to your life. Write about that.
Fine. I found an article on the worst cars of the early 1970s, the Ford Pinto, Chevrolet Vega, and AMC Gremlin. These are three small cars introduced to fight the tiny Japanese imports from Toyota, Datsun (future Nissan), Honda, etc.
Pinto, Gremlin, Vega
How does this article about bad cars of yore connect to my life? Remember now, I’m old. My first car was a 1972 Ford Pinto wagon. It was light blue with fake wood paneling. It was originally purchased for my mother, but the second I got my license, it was passed on to me to drive my brother and myself to school activities. Mom hated driving on “big roads.” My high school friends and I enjoyed blasting the little radio and cruising by the homes of cute boys.
This poor car could only hit 70 mph going downhill and had a radiator too small for its engine. But it carted me, my boyfriend (one of the cute high school boys) and our roommates back and forth through college.
It went forward and held 4-ish people. This was the car of my other male high school best friend.
The actual Pinto coupe shown above was smaller than the wagon. It was great for me, Anita, and the two guys, but add a fifth person and someone had to sit on the dreaded hump in the minuscule back seat. Of course, hormonal teens enjoyed the forced closeness. Good times.
Look, it’s Gremmy.
My second car magically appeared one day in the summer between my junior and senior years of college, after too many Pinto issues. I had high hopes for an upgrade. Nope. 1974 AMC Gremlin. Black, black interior, aftermarket air conditioner. Just perfect for a summer commute in South Florida. Sarcasm there.
Speaking of heat and humidity, these Lark Sparrows are here to say today’s humidity was awful.
But the Gremlin got me through three years or more of grad school in Illinois until it got us (me and same boyfriend) home from Florida in a blizzard and never moved again. Thus ended my time with two of the three worst cars of the 70s.
By the way, my friend Lynn’s dad had a Vega, so I got to experience it as well. Those cars rusted through amazingly quickly near the ocean.
[car photos from Motor Trend in 2001]
Mission accomplished. I related the article to my life. It was nice to think back on fun teen memories. A dear friend from that time is very ill right now, and thinking of good times when we rode in our little cars is a balm to my heart.
Tarot card of the day was The Teacher again. I drew it just before an educational talk by my horse teacher.
Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.
Seems that this here blog prompt wants us to brag on ourselves about some spectacular kind thing we’ve done for someone. I don’t feel like doing that.
I don’t have to follow instructions! Here are basil blossoms.
Instead, I’ll share how I manifest my small and unspectacular acts of kindness. In a nutshell, I just make an effort to see the humanity of people I come across, even when I’m tired, hungry, in a hurry, or distracted. It’s hard to do! Perhaps that’s why I mentally pat myself on the back when I’m kind under pressure.
Treating people who serve you your food or check you out at a store like someone worth knowing and sharing a kind word with is usually pretty easy and always very kind. I’ve had some great conversations that way!
Bonus: Lee bought and repotted this lovely angel-wing begonia for the porch. He also got the screens clean! He did a kindness for me!
Waving at people going down the road, that lets them know you remember a human is in that car. So I do that.
At work I try to check in with folks, to remind me that they’re not just annoying employees and remind them I’m not just the weird Planview lady.
I have a long history of being that weird lady, though.
No need to go on and on. I truly feel that the best kindnesses we can bestow are when we could most easily skip them. I find it takes no more energy to be kind than to be grumpy, though often being kind makes you stop and think about what you’re doing. And voila! you’re being kinder to yourself.
In more mundane news, I started August with dusty violet hair (way more subtle) and purple geode nails. It’s already Lammas, the first harvest celebration. The year is flying by.
Before hair After hairHair, nails, sky, purple shirt. Nails.
I drove to College Station all by myself this afternoon to go to dinner with friends. Great food, fun stories of war, crime, and peace…and even some pleasant live music. Tomorrow I may seek out a park and birds.
Italian restaurant aftermath.
Tarot card of the day
The Hanged One, or the Tree in the Gaian Tarot. It’s about keeping your center even when things get topsy turvy. I love the sky in the upside down yoga woman (tree pose)’s outfit.
I have more confidence than usual that I’m handling all the world’s weirdness. Hope it lasts!
How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?
I’m out of cheery topics today, since there was another family health scare today, but it’s not my story to tell. All is okay though, so let’s get trivial and answer today’s blog prompt.
My self image. Drab and brown. Well, tan.
Hello, person who can’t see me. I’m Suna. I’m a human being age 67, which makes me an elder, but still active. I’m short for a 21st-century human, partly because my parents were small, but also because of my mother’s drinking and smoking during pregnancy. She meant well.
I’m sturdily built, big-boned and strong for my size. I’m physically healthy and can walk long distances, swim well, and ride a horse. I’m neither fat nor thin. Medium in most ways, nothing really remarkable about my body other than it works.
Shaped a lot like a bumblebee.
I have long, fine, wavy hair that used to be much thicker. It was originally medium ash brown, but now is half gray, with grayer streaks. Currently it’s pink. Tomorrow it will be lilac. My hair is not as unremarkable as other parts of me.
I have light brown eyes, a reasonable nose and odd but functional teeth that look ok when I smile. My face has freckles and wrinkles and old person defects. My neck is wrinkled and wattled. I look a lot like my father, which is fine.
The part of me other than my hair that is remarkable are my fingernails, which grow long and straight. I dress like a man half the time, but my nails always look shiny and fun. I’ve had the fun fingernails habit for 50 years, ever since I stopped biting them.
Random nail photo from the past.
Like I said, I usually have jeans and a t-shirt on, but for work I wear nicer tops and jewelry, often turquoise. I do wear glasses, some boring, some not. I’m often found looking at a bird or tree.
Tarot card of the day has me up in trees looking at birds! Coincidence? Maybe not.
Basically, I’m a pleasantly plain dumpy older woman who sometimes has unnaturally colored hair and always has colorful nails. That’s enough to pick me out in a crowd, or teach the algorithm to find me. Nice and dull.
Judging is something humans do. People unlike themselves get judged. Much judging is unfair and undertaken without the necessary information to make a fair judgement. If you think you’re not judgmental, examine your thoughts. It creeps in, even when you dearly hope to avoid it.
Easier said than done
I’m improving in this area, after too many people have accused me of it. I’m always truly surprised, but eventually learn to see how they might interpret things I say or do as judgmental. Or sometimes they’re judging me. Ha! What a web of judgments!
It took me longer to create this image than to write the post.
I started thinking of this when a family member posted this on Facebook:
I have never been hated or judged by someone I want to become! Think about that for a while
It made me think not of other people, but of ourselves. The person I’ve judged and felt negatively toward the most is ME! Much therapy and practice of self love has gone into getting me where I am today, which is in a space where I’m comfortable with myself just as I am, mistakes and all.
And wrinkles, I love them, too.
I don’t want to become like anyone else anymore, nor do I want to bend over backwards to please others so much that I’m no longer me, but some miserable fake. So if someone hates or judges me, I’m much better at noticing it and letting it go. It’s their problem.
Have you read this before? Probably. Periodically I’m compelled to write some version of this “new and improved me” statement. My guess is that it happens for one of three reasons:
I’ve found myself judging someone or a group of people and need to remind myself that I’m trying not to do this. It’s hard at times, though.
I’ve realized someone has been judging me and it stings a bit. That’s okay; I just need to let the moment pass and not ruminate on it.
I’m reminded of some things I did in the 1980s that make me cringe now. That happened today. Then I remembered this person was also going through a series of very public poor decisions at the time. We both need to forgive ourselves and each other.
So yeah. I think most of us want to become our best possible selves, and a good start would be to love and have compassion for ourselves rather than hatred and judgment.
Tarot card of the day
It was another repeat, but another good one, the Ace of Cups, reminding me that I’ve been on a long journey and am tired of struggling, but I e made it to where I want to be and ready to start afresh with love in my heard.
The title is my weak analogy to yesterday’s blog title, The Salmon of Knowledge. I was pretty sluggish today after all yesterday’s exercise, though I ended up with almost as much exercise today, thanks to swimming in circles around the pool and vigorously winding yarn into ball, which counts.
Of course, I spent time in nature. Hope these Mockingbird babies make it.
It’s healthy to take a day off from being busy, though, so I gave myself permission to sit on the porch, watch documentaries on octopi, and enjoy food Kathleen made. The porch is getting even more relaxing. Two of my cushions arrived, and now lying on the couch is as comfortable as my bed.
Lee says the pillows are too loud. I say they pull together the trim, couch, and blue chair colors. Wait until he sees the outdoor rug…
Being the Slug of Exhaustion today also allowed me to ignore anything stressful that I possibly could. I just looked at my surroundings and enjoyed them, enjoyed the family, and will take the stress back up tomorrow.
Yet another Gulf fritillary Pond turtle covered in algae. It was going somewhere. Great Blue Heron going somewhere. Great Egret, relaxed.
Since I have nothing deep to say, let me recommend the Billy Joel documentary, And So It Goes, part 1 of which just came out. This part covers the years I really liked, the 70s, when he was quite amazing to see live. You end up really liking his first wife.
Oh, here’s something exciting. The unused RV that had been next to my tack room went away today. It will be easier to get to my square bales of hay that way. It looks all color-coordinated now!
Tarot card of the day
Today I pulled the Explorer (knight) of Water (cups). It’s a pretty darned happy card, hinting I’m in a good place, emotionally today, able to navigate the waves of feelings smoothly. It also may indicate a new emotional path, sort of like yesterday’s 10 of Water.
We will see. As I grow more Hermit-like in my self preservation mode, I’ll be interested to see if anything manages to stir me in new emotional directions other than inward!
Why would I want to leave my hermitage? All the porch lights make it so cozy for exhausted slugs.
Still a busy busy week at work and home. Luckily, being occupied with work keeps me from other thoughts. Even better, I’ve got all these animals to keep my “free” time not very free.
Bring us fresh water! More mealworms!
I love going out on breaks to care for the hens and check on the horses. Dusty always sticks his head in my hands for love.
Pet my head.
And working to keep Apache feeling good and getting Drew back into work is a great distraction. Droodles is getting lots of reminders that crazy canter is not his goal. But he’s awfully good walking on Lee’s new trails.
Ready to go, Suna.
And then the dogs. Even when I’m feeling the jitters over things I can’t control, they make me and Lee laugh.
Carlton doing his Eric Trump face.
And thanks to all of you who share your pets, birds, and kids on social media—it doesn’t remove serious concerns but it reminds me of what’s good.
Eh. I don’t dwell much on romanticism at the medium-old age of 67. Still, I do know what my caring spouse does that makes me feel loved and appreciated. He hits most of the love languages, too.
He notices little things I do and tells me what a good job I’ve done.
He picks up little things when he’s out that he knows I like—flowers, a book, a tasty treat, etc.
He shows interest in my interests. I can’t tell you how much it touches me that he spots birds and tells me about them or takes an insect photo to upload on iNaturalist.
He does many things to make my life easier or more pleasant, without me asking.
Yeah, Lee may be grumpy sometimes, but he’s a good guy, and quietly romantic.
Tawny Emperor butterfly he photographed for me this morning.
I hope I do something he finds romantic!
This is our engagement photo. I hardly recognize him without facial hair!
PS: it rained a good bit today. In July! That led us to romantically sit on the new porch and listen to rain.
Whenever I start to go in and on about my pessimism it makes certain beloved relatives worried. When I realized that this afternoon I began to muse about how okay I’m actually doing right now. I guess if things have to get scary for those of us not in power, now is preferable to even a few years ago, for me. Spiritual growth is a big help.
Lee says a giant porch chair is a big help.
It’s taken a long time to get to where I don’t panic and start feeling paranoid. Even if “they” were out to get me, it wouldn’t hangs who I am or how I act. Like a friend mentioned in response to yesterday’s post, I’m going to choose to be kind. I’m also not going to give up my ethics and morals. Not panicking doesn’t mean not doing the right thing.
By the way, porch furniture came mere minutes after my son finished the beautiful trim work. He did so well.
(Aside: more than one person I know called their representative today and talked to a real person.)
Look at that fine detail. Craftsmanship!
Anyway, I’m coping well, my anxiety only pops up occasionally, and I’m enjoying my little hermit life. I’m staying in my lane, not asking questions of anyone who’s not wanting to share with me, and enjoying the heck out of my tiny circle of friends and loved ones, dogs, horses, and fowl. That, and birds, is enough to create a peaceful oasis.
This excellent hammertail robberfly was my nature fun of the day.
Please remind me of my peace when I start whining about being lonely, left out, or missing old friends. It does happen. Those I care about are in my heart! That has to be enough.
Carlton helps!
And all of you who read and comment and share your stories with me are also in my heart. Thank you for showing all of us how much good and caring for others there still is in the world.
Worrying isn’t going to change anything. It never does. So I work at not worrying.
I thought my volunteer flower collection would be cheerful.
The problem for me is that I don’t know what we can do to prevent a bleak future with very few powerful people and many, many people who must fend for themselves.
I don’t remember ever wanting to know what it was like to be one of the educated people in the Dark Ages who weren’t in power.
The present is still here, and we can make our little corners of the world full of respect and kindness as we wait to see what those in power, elected by people wanting to back to the past, decide to do with us.
Bleak. I’m feeling bleak today. It was a bad news day for the poor, the sick, and the elderly. I have a right to feel pessimistic. At least for now I can say so in public.
On the other hand, on a local level, it’s a good day for Texas Horned Lizards, because I found a nice new harvester ant bed. Horny toads eat them!
This large ant bed is near the horse pens Ants are busy.
To cheer me up, I’ll share that I had a visit from a beautiful female Summer Tanager this evening around sunset. She bopped around the salvia plants for quite some time, though I was too entranced to get a photo. What a treat!
The Hermits' Rest 