Ramblings – Page 19 – The Hermits' Rest

Why Yes, You Can Have a Good Time at a Funeral

First, I just can’t answer the boring Bloganuary question today, so I’ll just have to give up on that challenge. I will, of course, blog every day this month, as usual.

Or I can just put up photos of my nails every day. That would drive the readers away!

Now that it’s dealt with, I can talk about why I’m in scenic Little Rock, Arkansas. My friend, Barbara (yes, the Barbara of the comments section), lost her husband recently. We have been friends for a long time, and she was one of the best listeners ever when I was having issues with my work in La Leche League. We’ve been email friends since around 1995, so there have been a lot of memories, stories, confidences, and kindnesses between the two of us. I felt that it was important that someone come to her husband’s service just to be there for her, and her alone (and to represent our group of close friends from our years as LLL administrators).

I hadn’t seen Barbara in a very long time. It sure was good to be there today. What a hard day in anyone’s life.

So, this morning I put on some somber clothes and headed to downtown Little Rock for Gene’s service. The church is very cool. I’ve been hearing about it for years, so I was uncharacteristically (for me) excited to actually see it. What a cool old building it is, and how welcoming they’ve made it for everyone. No wonder Gene, not a religious person, was fine being memorialized here.

I enjoyed talking to people at the pre-service reception and finding out more about Barbara’s kids (not much younger than me, so not really kids) and grandkids, and hearing good stories. I got to chat about knitting, listen to conversations about Gene’s work with the Humane Society here, and lots more. And on an interesting side note, people here still wear black to funerals, unlike in Texas where they wear anything that’s not jeans and a t-shirt.

So many activists were there. I’d be pretty comfortable here if I were more Christian.

The service itself was very simple and well planned. Barbara and her family did a great job on it. There were really cool hymns, after some improvisational music before the service by a talented pianist. But the very best part was the “Stories” section, in which people from all areas of Gene’s life spoke (he was a law professor, fiction writer, dog lover, veteran…etc.). Everyone was so good at speaking, especially Barbara’s sons, who she has to be very proud of. It’s so nice to hear people who know how to work a room give a heartfelt talk. Ah, smart people. Former colleagues, former students, fellow writers…dog people, all talked. It reminded me of my dad’s service, where you could get to know the person by just listening to the stories. I honestly think everyone felt like they got a hug and new memories to cherish in Gene’s absence.

My favorite part was when I really wanted to clap after one son’s story, and I was really glad when people did so. How often does THAT happen? I just smiled through the whole event and thought how lucky Barbara is to have such a warm community around her.

There was a cool set of woven pieces that represented the four seasons

Afterwards, I was invited to lunch with the family and close friends, which led to much lively discussion. But by the time that was over, my introversion kicked in and I went to a park. I didn’t get to see birds or many plants, but it was still nice to get out in nature, though of course it was STILL raining. Whoa am I ready for some sunshine.

The sun did finally come out a little around sunset, and I got to enjoy some fast-moving and interesting clouds out the hotel window.

I’m glad I came to support Barbara and hug her for all the rest of our friends. It’s worth doing if you possibly can. I know it meant a LOT to me when my friend Vicki came for my dad’s funeral, just for me. Since then, I’ve tried to repay that kindness by being there for others.

Think of me driving 6.5 hours tomorrow. I hope it’s more clear (and that it is clearer at home so I can groom the horses).

Yep, We Had Family Traditions

Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

Ah, I’m sitting in a clean, quiet hotel room, with mindless television and knitting. It’s a perfect time to reminisce about family traditions.

My current family is a bit too chaotic to have a lot of traditions. It’s always something different every day. But my family of origin had a couple I enjoyed at the time and remember fondly.

I’m not home so I can’t scan photos. Here’s our foggy morning.

One I loved was when we lived in south Florida in a family-oriented neighborhood of little cement-block houses. We had a dachshund mix dog named Pumpkin during my college and grad school years. I thought of her as my sister, because she was great to talk to and hang out with. I’m not kidding, I often forgot she was a dog.

Ha! I found a photo of Pumpkin, Dad, and two neighbors.

Anyway, it was my parents’ tradition to take a walk with Pumpkin every evening after dinner. Whenever I was home, I went along with them and my brother. The walk only went to the end of the block, because Mom couldn’t go very far (she was sick a long time, and died when I was 26).

The front of the house, on my 16th birthday. Stylish for 1974.

However, the walks were always fun. We’d talk and joke and comment on the quality of Pumpkin’s poop, which always happened at the corner. (Dad had to go clean it up once a week or so, because they we’d never heard of poop bags in the 80s.) In the winter we’d check to see if she’d produced a “steamer.” Dad loved those.

The walks were often long in time, compared to their length. That’s because we often stopped to talk to the neighbors. My dad and brother were very social. I enjoyed listening to them. It felt so comfortable and convivial. They could talk about all topics, drink beer, tell stories, and get along. They were just nice, hard-working folks. I miss those times.

I realize that hanging out with my family and watching the dog poop is probably a weird tradition, but we all enjoyed it. It was something Mom could do with us, which was so nice. And my Dad and brother were so funny. I’ll treasure our quirky family togetherness time.

Before I left for my 6.5-hour drive to Arkansas, I did get in a little bird watching during the foggy morning. (I haven’t seen the sun since last Saturday.) I’m going to declare our resident loggerhead shrike the Daily Bird, because it matches the sky and trees. Plus, I love watching them grab bugs.

I’m sure the shrike is wishful for the grasshopper season to start! They go into overdrive then.

My Leisure Time Surprise

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

This answer will be pretty boring if I give the same answers I’ve given to three or four other blog prompts. Yes, indeed, I enjoy knitting and looking at birds and horses. Most of you know that if you’ve visited this blog before.

But, is there another leisure activity I enjoy? In warm weather I hang out by the pool. That counts. And I read about horses, architecture, and home decorating. The latter helps me deal with what a jumbled mess my own house is right now.

What I’ll read when I’m finished writing this

I think my favorite leisure activity is socializing these days. After staying away from people for so long, I am enjoying seeing friends again. I want to do more of it, but I forgot a couple things this week. Lunches, coffees, meetings, etc., are so nice for breaking up the work day!

Today my friend came over and I did her nails for a party. They look good!

Keeping in touch with friends online is another favorite. Yes, I admit I visit Facebook and valiantly scroll and scroll until I find posts from friends. It’s so great to stay in touch, get advice, and learn that way. Most importantly, I can provide support to others by being available online to listen. I do a lot of that lately.

Yeah, not too exciting, is it? But damn, this is what I’ve looked forward to my whole life: a time to enjoy the little things and the people I care about. I hope it lasts a while.

Now for stories. I went out to feed the horses and saw Drew standing by the fence, staring intently. What? I went on up to get the feed dishes, and something caught my eye behind me. It looked like this:

The horses weren’t at all happy to see Fiona wandering around eating fresh clover. I just wondered how she got there.

How come SHE doesn’t have to stand in the mud?

When I took their food to them I saw that the lower wire on the temporary electric fence had come loose. The big horses were still held in the pasture, but Fiona could walk right under the live wire. Clever donkey.

The wire is fixed now.

Speaking of wires, little Carlton got the staples out where he had a lump removed. Lee found out the biopsy results, too. The lump was a completely encapsulated stick, probably a cactus thorn. It had gotten infected, so he has antibiotics, but should be fine.

However, Goldie managed to nearly rip out a toenail today. It must have hurt a little!

And I do have daily birds today. The rain finally let up, which pleased the birds a lot. We even had two birds returning from their winter hangouts! I heard and saw a purple Martin, and I heard a whistling duck. Cameron residents better get ready for lots of trees full of chattering ducks. Love those guys.

If I Could Talk to the Animals

If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

Actually, I think I communicate pretty well with my animals. But, if I could fix one thing it would be to convince Harvey, who doesn’t move unless he truly must, that he can bark all he wants to…outside. Dang, that dog watches all the other ones to dash out and bark their heads of at cattle, coyotes, or deer that dare to get too close to the fence, and he just sits on the couch and bellows his lungs out.

Lee then yells, “Outside, Harvey!” over and over, adding to the cacophony. It gets oh so tiresome.

Ha ha, I’m never bad. (Not true, Carlton)

Today I wished I could communicate with my horses and let them know it was me walking up to them under a giant umbrella. They shot out of their shelter like little four-legged rockets when they saw me.

It was really wet. I needed the rain gear. Poor horses. Then I had the nerve to scare them again when I walked down the road to inspect the drainage. They all stood there with their ears pricked, ready to flee the demon who sounded like me, but looked very scary.

Since the ground is pretty saturated, 2.5” made for a lot of standing water, as well as a lot of flowing water. The creek was extra wide and came close to going over the road.

I should’ve gotten closer, but I was wet.

There were 6 calves and a cow separated from the rest of the herd by the property line fence, and they were NOT happy. My Merlin recording today could also be a tutorial on the variety of sounds a cow can make. Eventually the cow led most of the calves through the water to their friends, but two didn’t follow. They yelled and yelled and ran around randomly, disturbing the sparrows.

The mama and the calves, mostly staring at me like I can fix things.

One finally realized the barbed wire is loose and escaped. The other one came up to me and said MOO twice. So I telepathically communicated with her that the could go through water or the fence. After more running around in circles, she made it. Whew. My ears were sore.

At last the app “heard” the mallard and wren the cattle had drowned out. Yeah, that was my excitement for the day!

Oh, and I made chickpea “pasta” Mac and cheese and it was fine. Healthy eating, here we come.

Pork loin in that covered stoneware baker thing is sooo good.

All right, your turn. What would you say to an animal if you could?

Should We Abandon the Leader Ship?

What makes a good leader?

I have thoughts on what makes a good leader. I’m afraid that my thoughts are really about what kind of leader I prefer, not who meets some objective criteria of “success.”

Goldie is a firm but fun leader of her pack.

If I need to be on a team or work group, I like to be led by someone who is more of a mentor and facilitates the folks they lead to do the best they can at their job, sport, or spiritual pursuit. They encourage and support, yet provide helpful criticism. They are also willing to do hard things like take responsibility for what the group does and make decisions like who to cut from the team, etc.

I try to be that kind of leader. I’ve had some success and some painful failures at leading volunteers and paid teams. What hurts me the most is when I try to protect my team from unpleasant stuff, but it doesn’t work out. I still feel bad for the LLLOnline team.

Currently I have no intention to lead anything, ever, again, even in a token role. I have abandoned the leader ship and am now a happy team member who has way too much input sometimes. I’m now secretary for two groups I once held more responsibilities in. I like that.

Anyway, I think good leaders show respect and spend more time helping their team do well than trying to get ahead, win, or take credit.

On the Home Front

The tack room at the ranch is getting a much-needed upgrade. We’ve limped along with tarp covering its ancient shingled roof, but the winds in recent days have shredded the latest tarp and blown off more shingles.

So the men of the house decided to replace the roof in a permanent way, with a lovely metal roof that matches the rest of the ranch buildings.

Of course, the weather has not helped much. Both days it’s been worked on have been bitterly cold, and today the gales were coming from the north again. I really felt for those guys slapping big sheets of metal around in that wind! I’m glad they brought in professional subcontractors to do a lot of the work.

I can’t wait to show you the finished product, but it will have to wait until I’m back home. We dragged the RV out to northeast Texas to camp on a big lake. I haven’t seen it yet, since we arrived late. I’ll talk about that tomorrow!

You Can’t Un-Invent War

If you could un-invent something, what would it be?

I saw this question and said, well, this is like going back in time and changing one thing, only to realize the consequences are horrible. Like the butterfly effect?

I first thought I’d un-invent guns. Then I thought that would be too complicated. What about hunting for food? But there are other ways to hunt. I don’t know. Maybe just un-invent automatic weapons and weapons of mass destruction.

Then I mused, well, we wouldn’t need those horrible things if there were no wars. If people lived together peacefully we’d not be fighting all the time.

We could just look at pretty horses. Ahh. I love watching Drew.

But people fight. It’s part of being human. And so much of civilization arose because of conflicts between groups of people. They lead to innovations, migrations, and of course heterozygous vigor. Maybe we’d be a very different species if it weren’t for these tendencies to want to eliminate “the other.” We aren’t alone. Other mammals, birds, insects, etc., do it.

People fight, and horses get annoyed. Drew is not pleased at how much work Tarrin made him do.

So. Screw it. I wouldn’t be able to make war not exist. And if our current weapons went away, we’d have something worse, or just go around poisoning each other. We may do that anyway, clever humans as we are.

I don’t like humans as a concept, I’m afraid. Or in real life, as a whole. I do like the urge to be kind, help each other, and create communities, which I hope is as strong as the urge to eliminate people unlike ourselves. We will see, maybe sooner rather than later.

My apologies that the blogs haven’t been very interesting this week. I’m lacking in writing inspiration. Tomorrow will be more interesting, I’m sure.

Drew had a hard afternoon. He was really scared by construction noise by the tack room when I tried to groom him. I ended up taking him to lessons early so he could relax a bit. It worked. He was only a little squirrelly for me, and Tarrin helped him stretch.

Daily Birds

It was a glorious and beautiful day today. Hard to believe it was 12° yesterday and 70° today. That’s Texas for you. I truly enjoyed standing in the woods surrounded by sparrows, chickadees, and titmice being their most cacophonous selves. Here’s to the tiny birds of the woodlands and their big voices!

The other bird is an intriguing mystery. Every time I go to Tarrin’s Merlin hears an Osprey. I don’t hear it, and I certainly haven’t seen it. I guess there are enough large ponds nearby to support one?

What I did see was this downy woodpecker.

Speaking of Love – and Hawks

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

Woo hoo. Today’s prompt goes with my day’s experience. So, let’s blog.

I’ve figured out that one of my “love languages” is the one about giving time and effort. When someone spends time doing something to make my life better, I feel love.

One example is how incredibly grateful and loved I felt when I came home from a trip expecting improvements to my horse area, but was blown away to see that two portable buildings we had were now a beautiful and large hen house with the interior painted “my” colors and a HUGE new tack room that would hold all my horse supplies and have a sitting area. I was blown away.

Note that they painted the hay storage container to match the building.

Every time I go in either of those buildings I have warm feelings about the two guys in my family who worked so hard on it. They were my son’s first two carpentry projects, so there are imperfections, but they’re charming to me. And I think of the stories behind how they got all the furnishings and built the saddle racks and pegs for halters, etc.

The other time I felt loved like this was when Lee gave me my bird journal. I couldn’t believe he’d spent so much time collecting bird photos then made the book by hand. I get to feel loved every day when I write in it!

He also made this cute book cover for the journal.

Love Birds of the Day

The highlight of my day today was all about love. After making many trips back and forth to the horse trough with water, I decided to go listen to birds for a while. Today got down to 12°F but then warmed up to 45°. That felt balmy!

You probably can’t tell, but the pond iced over.

As I headed towards the woods with my empty water containers, I saw movement. It was the pair of red-tailed hawks I’ve been watching for a few weeks. They were doing an awesome love dance. I was transfixed as I watched them soar and glide, then dive down near the ground and up through the trees.

The only photo I got of them flying. I was too busy watching most of the time.

It was so graceful yet strong. I felt privileged to get to see this up close. It was the closest I’ve ever been to flying hawks. They flew right past me a couple of times. At last, they rested in the trees for a bit.

They are both in this picture. One flying low in front of the trees, one higher, behind trees.

Then, off they went, flashing their wings at me. That made up for the hard work. I loved those love birds.

I made it a loop

PS: thanks to everyone who tells me they read my blog. I feel like the lady on Romper Room (a television show from my youth), who would look in her magic mirror and say, “I see Susie and Donny…” or whoever’s parents had sent her a postcard.

I see you, Mike, Donita, Lory, Libba, Catherine, Barbara, Debi…and so many more!

My Attachment to Objects Started Early

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

I’ll answer this question about the first and second items I became attached to as a baby. I was one of those babies who had to have their beloved object with them at all times. I guess my attachment issues started early? Anyway, here’s me as a round baby with Hee Haw, whom I may have mentioned before.

I don’t think I owned clothing as a baby.

Hee Haw was a stuffed giraffe. I thought it was a horse. Mom told me horses said “Hee Haw” so there you go. I know Mom knew horses. But she liked what donkeys say better.

I’m told putting this toy in the laundry traumatized me, as did the time I dropped it in a store. Luckily it was found. By the time Hee Haw disintegrated I’d moved on to my next and final security objective, a literal security blanket.

I’m sure I have photos of Lovin’ Blanket, or LB as Mom called it, but none scanned. It originally was a quilted satin layette blanket with a lovely binding that Granny Kendall gave me. I held it as I went to sleep each night.

Like, I did that a long time. By the time I was in high school all the quilted satin was gone, and it was just an edge. It was all knotted up, and I draped it over my bedpost. It stayed there through college. I guess Dad gave it a dignified farewell when he moved to North Carolina after Mom died.

There. I got that tired old story out of my system.

Imagine dozens of white-crowned sparrows here.

I don’t have any exciting birds for today, so I’ll give you some pictures of my current fuzzy security item. Sara and I both agree that Apache has the greatest neck for hugging. He makes everything all better.

He is still a bit lame from the abscess. I keep treating him. Here is his bad hoof. Send healing thoughts!

There is redness but the vertical things are grass shadows.

You Mean I Have to Write a Mission Statement?

What is your mission?

Do I also have to have a vision? Argh. I’ve written so many mission and vision statements for institutions and organizations. I’d prefer not to do that again, thanks.

Mission statements have to have bullet points and be active! (From what I vaguely remember.) So:

Suna’s Mission is to:

Respect the Earth, yourself, and others
Be mindful
Maintain healthy boundaries
Be kind
Never stop learning

Today I spent some time learning about using my legs better on my beautiful young horse, Droodles (Drew). That fulfilled my mission of learning, respecting myself, and treating the animals in my care kindly, but with boundaries. And when riding a horse, you need to stay in the moment and be mindful. I guess that mission statement works.

He was ready to GO this afternoon! Good thing, because we got lots of exercise.

Drew’s “Christmas” present arrived so he got to wear his new halter and lead rope today. He’s looking good! Sometimes I still can’t believe I have a chance to be a part of my fantastic horses’ lives.

Apache is still a little lame, but getting around okay. I still can’t find where the abscess is, but I’m hoping he’s better soon. Finding that thing is my mission for him! He got a cinnamon colored halter and I hope to try it out tomorrow when I check him out.

Daily Bird

It was extra windy and pretty cold today, but I did my bird watching like a good scientist. The best thing I saw was the first thing, though. I got to enjoy watching the great blue heron chow down on a fish. it usually doesn’t come this close.

Later, after I checked the rain gauge, I saw it catch another one and I guess wrestle it to the ground. It kept poking at it. Maybe it was a crawfish.

Can We Live Long and Prosper?

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

Today’s question has been on my mind lately since there have been a lot of deaths in my circle, and I’ve been a close observer of the stress, pain, and hard decisions loved ones have to go through.

One of our blog family lost her husband yesterday, which hits hard. But I’m glad she has the support of many close friends who’ve gone through this before, and she has supportive family. Sometimes, when no one you know has been through such a loss, you can feel so alone and lost, and it hits you so hard.

So, do we want to live very long lives? No matter when we pass away, we will leave sad people behind to treasure memories. I wish I had more of them with my mom, who died when I was 26. I coped poorly but was glad she was out of her mental and physical pain.

As long as I’m in reasonable health, can enjoy nature and my community, and am not a burden to others, I’d prefer to live a long life. I’m just curious about how we humans are going to handle things in the coming 30 or 40 years. And I’d love to continue contributing to society and becoming more wise.

Yet, if I were chronically ill with constant pain or costing my family so much that I was a financial burden, I’d have no problems with letting go. It would be interesting to see what’s next for the energy that brings me life.

I can honestly say that I empathize with anyone who decides they are “done” and don’t keep pushing forward in old age, and I can see not wanting to give up. And I have seen for myself how quickly you can go from fighting to dignified surrender when the time comes.

This made no sense, I’m afraid, but it helped me to write it. I do want to live long and prosper, though!

Love to all of you who are struggling. I am here for you if you need me.