daily life – Page 4 – The Hermits' Rest

I’m Prejudiced – Insect-wise

This just dawned on me today. While I enjoy watching butterflies, I’m pretty darned uninterested in moths. You know, there are way more species of moths than of butterflies, because they developed long before butterflies did.

My most recent moth sighting is this Green Cloverworm or Black Snout moth (*Hypena scabra)*

And there are numerous beautiful moths, many of which live right here in Texas.

Twin-spotted Sphinx moth (*Smerinthus jamaicensis)*

And I’m not prejudiced against moths just before many of them look so similar to human eyes. Heck, most deer look alike but I still find them beautiful.

I had to ponder for quite a while, but when I walked into my office and looked around it hit me. Butterflies never mess with my sh**. Moths do. First, they show up at night and flutter in my face. I hate that.

Second, those nasty pantry moths have ruined my food repeatedly. I’m so glad I discovered those pheromones in boxes that cause them to die out.

Pantry moth or Indian Meal moth (*Plodia* *interpunctella*) grr.

Third, and worst, is the fact that clothing moths infected my house (before moving here) and ruined probably thousands of dollars of wool yarn and handmade clothing that took me hours and hours to make. Yep. I don’t like those mofos.

I’m not even sharing a clothing moths photo. This one is kind of pretty in its drab way. Brown-shaded Gray (*Iridopsis defectaria)*

I should probably just be prejudiced against certain moths and not generalize, right? Like I don’t condone how a large percentage of white American humans think, but I don’t feel annoyed at all of us. Hmmm. An analogy.

We all look alike anyway. Photo from Pixels.

I’ll work on loving the benign moths. And understanding that the ones who make me upset aren’t doing it directed toward me. They’re just being moths. Perhaps it will do me good to try to remember that humans who upset me are just being humans, and that it’s human nature to upset “the other.”

At Least There Were Clouds

I miss rain. There was a trace while I was out of town, but otherwise no rain since early September. Today the weather toyed with me.

Some nice clouds rolled in early this morning. It got very quiet and the air felt encouraging. It was oddly warm. The birds and I were hopeful.

Alas, the beautiful dark clouds drifted away. Sigh.

On the positive side, it was a great day for birds. I declared it to be the start of Ornithological Winter, because a White-throated Sparrow appeared (more than one, actually). Combined with Chipping Sparrows, Pipits, and passing Sandhill Cranes, I’m confident the season has changed, bird-wise. It will cool off and rain soon!

I’m admittedly tired of having my head feel weird every time I try to do anything more strenuous than walk. Horse grooming and exercising got me worried the cut would re-open, so lucky horses are just getting Bur removal. Yes, as hard as we tried to eliminate them, horses can still find burs.

I’ve been enjoying watching these pretty katydids fly around this week.

Ugh. I’m just not feeling 100% so I’ll write more when I’m more myself.

Ranch Life, Surprises Are All Good

Ya know, these days not much fazes me around here. As long as there’s no gushing blood on humans or livestock, it’s all fine.

I’ve got Penney and her pals watching out for me.

Today was typical. I enjoyed my morning birding—I really missed it last week, and I took Penney out for a tromp through the front field while I took pictures for yet another BioBlitz, for the Native Plant Society. So idyllic!

I settled in at my desk to do meetings and a big task, with my coffee in my hand and headphones over my ears. However, near the end of the second meeting I heard Lee exclaim that the horses were out. Oops! Someone (me) didn’t shut the big gate well and the wind blew it open.

They sure looked happy in the driveway circle, where Lee had accidentally left the water on the little tree for too long. I’m just glad it is not fresh and juicy enough to mess with Apache.

Lee and I decided to let them hang out in the open area for the day, and bungee-corded the front gate shut. I think they had a good day finding pockets of grass that’s not all dried up. I also noticed a lot of rubbing itchy areas on pieces of equipment.

They went right back to their pens for feeding time with just a little encouragement, so it’s all just fine. The afternoon ended with more birding and pleasant sitting by the pool as a family.

I gazed at the birding station from the pool patio. They’ll get back to it soon!

Heck, the only negative stuff for today was an outage of our phone service (worse for others than for me, because it didn’t stop me from working) and frustration with getting logged in to the correct streaming service for football. I’m sure it’s easier for the young folks. Just too many passwords on annoying interfaces!

So I just breathe and look at grass. Aah.

When you don’t let surprises bug you, it’s way easier to deal with the little things, and that’s today’s takeaway.

I couldn’t identify this by sight, but iNaturalist says it’s very dry prairie tea (*Croton monanthogynus)*

Working on Things?

What have you been working on?

I’ve been slacking on my main project, the temperature blanket. I just have to buckle down and sew September onto the main blanket and crochet more black squares. Then I can enjoy October (hoping it cools off someday).

Poorly arranged photo of September. Hot colors.

This doesn’t mean work isn’t being done around the Hermits’ Rest. I was delighted to notice a lot of materials in our back yard when I arrived home from College Station. I also noticed the horses had more hay, so someone or someones had been busy this weekend!

Yes! My concrete bird-watching pad is becoming a birding station. It’s going to be quite a little gem. Kathleen has been painting trim like she’s driven, and her brother and spouse are building the structure.

I’ll have the shade I need in summer and protection from wind in winter. I look forward to trying it out!

I was pretty darned tired today from all that activity at the Texas Master Naturalist annual meeting. So I mostly napped and tried to add more photos before the Texas Pollinator Week ends. I did find a few interesting things, including katydids that I learned about this week.

It’s good to be home and back working on my usual projects, iNaturalist, Merlin Bird ID (got a Great Horned Owl!), crochet, and feeding animals. I fed horses and did not get injured. They’re calmer with their different bale of hay. That’s good, because half my face is green from bruising fun.

I Have My Halloween Costume All Picked Out

TW: cuts and bruises

I usually go as a witch (requires no costume), but this year I can be an accident victim.

I got stuck between Dusty and the gate when Apache charged in to eat Dusty’s leftovers. Usually Dusty flees safely but he was too close to me and I was knocked into a metal gate. At least my glasses protected my eye.

I did bleed a lot, but hoped it would stop. Alas, it did not, so off to the ER for rich people we went. I just wasn’t up for hours and hours at the germy hospital. I was the only patient and was in and out in an hour. I got seven stitches, so I guess my family was right to encourage me to get the cut looked at. The good news is my glasses (non-broken) cover most of the bruising and stitches.

The doctor said my skin looked amazing for my age. Aw shucks. Thanks, Olay products.

Here’s a nice bee fly to take your mind off blood and bruising.

I’m now dreading the numbing shots wearing off, but I’ll be fine and I’ll be more careful when letting Dusty out from now on. Usually I’m quite careful but I was tired from a long day of work and Master Naturalist stuff. That’s when accidents happen.

I’m not particularly looking forward to a long weekend of explaining my face, but I’m cleared to attend the Master Naturalist annual meeting, so I’m going!

More later. All is well, and I’ve done all the right bruising protocols, etc. And I’m on the lookout for signs of further issues.

Hard Goals

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

As tired as I am, I can answer this one (I don’t answer blog prompts lately because I’ve answered most of them). That’s good, because it was another day of barely getting through work and not being able to do much more.

I finished coloring this. It took a week or so in small doses.

So, I’ve probably mentioned this before and will again. But for years I had a hard time being the person I felt I could be, and it turns out I had a lot to do with it. Thanks to some issues in my birth family and an inherently sensitive nature, I was always very hard on myself.

I never met my own expectations. Any mistake I made lingered in my mind for a long time. I’d replay “dumb” things I said over and over. And I would constantly talk to myself in ways no one would talk to someone they cared about. I was ugly, fat, stupid, and so on. I was not nice to me.

Since I AM actually pretty smart and intuitive, I figured out that I was not helping myself with the negative self talk. So I had some therapy, talked things out with a group of safe and understanding women, meditated (a lot, still do), and read.

I’m very pleased to have come across the writing of Brené Brown. I’m also pleased someone made me read a self-help book. I find most of them really simplistic or not right for me. Her first few books opened my eyes to how much I was affecting my own self worth, and by that, encouraging others to pick at me or devalue me. Figuring out that I wasn’t the only one doing this to myself was a huge revelation. I got a much better outlook and began to heal.

I got tested a lot in this healing phase. Since I came to Cameron, a couple of people (who of course are suffering from their own internal battles) tried their best to break me down, give the community a bad impression of me, and hurt others I cared about. I’ve had some very hard times here in rural Texas, where even in a good day I’m a square peg not even trying to fit into a round hole.

But, one day, right after a very mean person was mean to me, something snapped in my brain. I told my patterns I was sick and tired of them and vowed to reframe the situation every time I started to berate myself.

Get this. It worked. After a while, weird thoughts like how good I felt, or how peaceful life was began to replace sadness. My negativity patterns have gone into background mode, and I feel so much better. Sure, that stuff is still down there and today’s trying times make feeling good about anything difficult. Yet, I honestly feel good about myself, like myself, and don’t beat myself up when I screw up (much). And of course, the horse riding lessons helped me practice gaining self confidence.

I kept telling myself I was fine just as I was and that it’s perfectly okay that not everybody likes me until it became true. I’ve even learned a bit about how to perform the once-mysterious act of “letting other people’s negativity slide right off my back.”

Maybe that’s why these bluebirds of happiness keep following me.

I try to cut others some slack, and accept those around me who confuse me just as they are. I just hope they find peace and joy on their path.

Who IS THIS version of Suna? She’s different. Not perfect, not better than anyone else, but at a good place in her spiritual journey.

So, blog prompt readers, loving myself and treating myself kindly were my hardest goals.

Now I’ll move on towards being less judgmental (making good progress), and being so afraid to speak up about what I see as wrong. There’s always room for improvement!

Butterflies Are Tricky

Since I’m still feeling a bit under the weather I didn’t do much today. Luckily my favorite activity each morning is listening to birds and watching the wildlife behind our house. Paying attention is hard on the mind (sometimes) but easy on a weakened body.

The insects are enjoyable, and give me visual entertainment when I can’t see birds. There are always wasps and bees, along with flies, not all of whom are annoying (just most). It’s been a mediocre year for dragonflies — there have been years with more and years with less, but they’re always fun to watch.

Of concern this year, though, have been butterflies. Much of the spring and summer there really haven’t been as many as usual. The most prolific were the Gulf Fritillary contingent who love one of the spring vines.

I saw one today, but this is from spring

Next have been the clouded and Eufala skippers, who love the morning glories, of which I’ve shared many photos. Asters are doing a good job, too, as I shared recently.

For the last few days, though, I’m seeing a greater variety, ranging from tiny hairstreaks to large sulphurs and swallowtails. It sure was pleasant sitting in my chair and seeing a variety feeding on grass pollen. Too bad I decided not to move around and disturb them, because you’d have a lot to see! This hackberry emperor posed so beautifully on a corn leaf blown in from harvest that I had to capture it. That’s why we don’t eliminate hackberry trees!

I’ll feel better tomorrow and more up for photography. I’m sure they won’t all sneak away when they see me coming.

PS: Lee made me another book. The pages are thick watercolor paper. It was hard to sew, but he did a great job. The book opens nice and flat, too. He even stamped the cover with a sweet bow!

Appreciate Your Community

Because of life constraints I don’t get to see some of the people who mean the most to me. You know who you are.

For that reason it was so gratifying to spend time just relaxing and talking to my friend Anita this evening. Even though we only live five miles away, it’s hard to get together right now thanks to work and a geriatric dog.

But we did get to have some of our talks like only people who’ve known each other over half a century can have. I feel lots better just from the in-person check-in (as opposed to social media and text).

We all chatted on the new porch. Now I’ve had two friend visits here!

It makes me want to see a few other close friends even more. All the busyness and over/scheduling just makes it hard. Well, and me being a hermit and wanting to avoid big cities and crowds doesn’t help.

I’m grateful for Zoom/Teams chats and wish I had more. Maybe I should schedule some! Taking action is a skill I’m still working on, for sure! If you want to chat with me or someone you care about, do it! Make a plan. I’ll try to take my own advice.

It’s a full moon, so I can manifest more sociability.

But to those of you I care about and don’t talk to often, know you’re in my thoughts more than you could imagine. My brain is filled with community. Now to maintain it…

A Little More Dullness

My inspiration for writing about what interests me is at an all-time low. Maybe it’s that lack of air conditioning in our upstairs. Inspiration and sweating have never gone together well for me. Sweating puts me into survival mode, which may explain my reluctance to canter on Apache at the end of a hot lesson.

It’s probably cooler up in a tree with the Great Egret.

Speaking of my spotted gelding companion, he may keep acting all stiff when we exercise, but I see him cantering away quite gloriously when the herd decides to move and he doesn’t realize I’m looking. HA! I also think Drew leans to the left when cantering like a wild horse. Hmm. Things to discuss on Saturday, I guess.

No horse photos, but look at the cuteness of this tiny Hentz jumping spider. It soon jumped off my eraser.

Let’s see what dull events happened today, and I’ll try to be more interesting tomorrow.

I did my nails an interesting orange ombré that looks better on my short nails. Yes, it’s Orange October, but I’m keeping my hair Dusty blue. (Spell check capitalized Dusty because it knows about the horse, I guess)
Another calf must have been born, because the Black Vultures were back following cows. I didn’t see it.
Air conditioning repair guy came with a new controller only to discover the motor had burned out. Back to waiting on another part.
An electrician came to install the porch ceiling fans. He left a long wire on the porch, returned later in the day but turned around in the driveway and left. That was weird. Maybe he forgot something? It shall remain a mystery.
Work was sorta fun, with a lot of collaboration and problem solving. That’s always my favorite part. I like when team members each bring different skills that enable better outcomes to be accomplished.

Remember people around you are struggling and may not be at their best. Let’s try to be supportive and put aside little gripes. That message was for me, too.

Connie looking naked from all that molting

I’m a Very Dull Person

And at this point in my life, that’s fine. I enjoy a Facebook group called Dull Women’s Club by Sara Green, and it’s been wonderful reading about the ordinary lives of “dull” women all over the world. Each one is unique and fascinating, whether they’re young, old, rich, poor, or whatever. And people are so kind to each other in the comments. It’s not full of trolls and AI bots, just real women. If they’re dull, I’m happy to be one of these dull but kind and brave women who share their lives with strangers.

Welcome to the dull horses’ club, where we sigh at the sunrise.

I hadn’t intended to write about actual good stuff in social media, but I digressed. I’d been thinking that any topic I could come up with this week has been pretty darned dull. For example.

When I rinsed off Apache’s sweat crystals today, he was dirtier than when I started. I need a real hose nozzle.
Yesterday the highlight of the day was watching Black Vultures surround a move who’d just given birth so they could get the afterbirth. The calf was very strong and nursed away before the placenta was delivered.
I had a great conversation with my dental hygienist about celery, it’s plusses and minuses (minus—flossing the fibers out).
I almost wrote about how much I like my dental practice. They have low staff turnaround and don’t lecture you. And the dentist is the king of Dad jokes
The upstairs air conditioning is still out. It’s becoming hot outside again, so I truly hope the part comes in soon.
Better news. The motorhome is repaired…again. We will see if our next trip goes more smoothly.
I’ve discovered that Crayola swirl crayons do a great job of mimicking stained glass with mixed colors in it. I do love crayons. And colored pencils. And pens. What a stereotypical old lady writer.
Connie is molting giant white feathers. The poultry area looks like it’s snowed.
I spent 20 minutes looking at tiny insects on tiny aster flowers. I also watched clouds.
I’m enjoying work this week. I love writing helpful material. That’s SO dull.

Yep. I’m not in an exciting phase. And I’m just not up for a big long introspective (and probably dull) monologue, either. So, that’s what you get for today. At least I wrote!