community – Page 13 – The Hermits' Rest

Anticipation Rarely Fails to Disappoint Me

I was really looking forward to yesterday. Family members who don’t hate me were going to come stay with me for a few days. We were going to visit people, go out to eat, wander around to parts of the island I can’t go to (this place is crawling with gated communities), and talk about our respective difficult elderly family members.

Of course I took a nice long walk at lunchtime, too.

I can’t believe I did this, but I allowed myself to get all excited about the fun we’d have. I tidied up the condo (not that it was untidy – I love to keep things clean and beautiful when I’m by myself), told everyone at work I was taking some time off, made sure I could get them a parking permit, and was all ready to welcome them.

I was disappointed to learn that one of my guests hurt herself getting ready to load the car, so they weren’t coming after all. I know she’s had back issues, so I felt sad for her. It certainly wasn’t her fault at all! Wow, did I experience a letdown, though. As high as I’d felt anticipating a visit and not having to be all by myself, I felt equally low realizing I was going to spend the rest of my time in Hilton Head alone. (I LIKE being alone, but I have had enough to fill my tank now).

I would not mind sharing the sunrises and sunsets with someone in person, but I get to share them with you!

After a while, I was kicking myself (mentally) for allowing myself to get all hepped up before something actually happened. I put out a whiny post on Facebook and got some varied responses.

Many people empathized with how I felt. I’m not alone in letting myself get excited then feeling really down. Others had helpful advice that I appreciated, such as a reminder that Brene Brown would say this means I’m living wholeheartedly. Something else I found helpful was advice from a friend’s therapist: “Focus on what you CAN do not on what you Can’t when disappointed.” Yet another commenter talked about “post-event letdown,” which I remember experiencing when I was younger, but have gotten better about and now just wallow in memories.

And people ask why I still do Facebook…the community I’ve built is so supportive!

I’ve been pondering whether I’m doing the right thing in trying to squish down my anticipation. I have been doing it for the past few years when I was letting myself look forward to trips, the return of people to the ranch, projects to work on, and people to do things with me. For example, when the first two people I asked to join me this week decided not to come, I wasn’t upset at all, because I was prepared for things not to work out. I let this third one get by me. My squishing down has gotten quite good in the post-COVID era, where just about everything fun got canceled, but it’s not perfect.

Life was as thrilling as a common toadstool.

But hey, isn’t anticipation fun? Doesn’t it make good vibes (or hormones or something) flow through you? Should I be trying another tactic besides not allowing myself to get happy about something until it actually happens? Maybe I should let myself dream about the fun I may have when I get to pick up my new car next week, rather than trying not to think about it in case something goes wrong?

The car DID at least make it off the truck and get to the dealership.

I think I’m going to let myself feel my feelings a bit more but work on not getting so sad about what I can’t do. Like the friend said, I can concentrate on what I CAN do. I tried that out last night, so rather than mourn the fact that the promised dinner and drinks weren’t going to happen, I got myself a ridiculously expensive old fashioned and drank it while listening to the excellent guitar player entertaining at the resort cafe and ordered myself an impressive plate of sushi and edamame.

Yeah, I looked like shit, but I was smiling.

I ended up in the resort lobby waiting for the food having a fun conversation about football with the women at the reception area. One woman ended up showing me the football-themed tote bags and pajama sets she’d made for friends, then some of the outfits she designed for herself. How would I ever have realized that these women were so interesting and talented if I hadn’t rewarded myself and done what I could do after a disappointment? I win!

I enjoyed that sushi while watching King Richard, the movie about Venus and Serena Williams’s controversial father. I particularly enjoyed the portrayal of the sisters in this movie. They were so authentically happy, smart, and normal young girls. They weren’t overly made up or with fancy hair and clothing. They looked like the girls I knew at the time and played and bickered and loved each other so genuinely. What a great portrayal of a black family that looked real. (I also thoroughly enjoyed all the 1970s cars.)

In summary, I’m going to let myself anticipate fun things in the future, but if they don’t come to pass, I’ll remind myself of the options for fun that I still have. Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it? LOVE to all of you reading this, and healing vibes to my family member!

PS: the beach is so fun to watch. An osprey just flew right by my balcony with something in its talons! And I spent at least a half hour just before sunset watching large pods of dolphins very close to the shore here. There must have been a dozen! The photo shows how close they were (and some of those weird rectangles that are container ships). People enjoyed watching them.

Wish I Could Crawl in People’s Heads (Briefly)

I spend way too much of the time that I’m reading the news, perusing social media, and watching folks around me saying, “Hmm.”

You should be out looking for me, the Bluebird of Happiness.

I’m a person, far as I can tell. But I feel so different from humans I observe. It’s not new; I’ve felt out of place among humanity most of my life. What feels different to me these days is that I’m having more and more trouble empathizing with people and being able to see where they get their viewpoints. (I realize I’m not alone here!)

For example, I watched the annual State of the Union Address last night, as did many Americans. Some parts of the speech affected my business, some affected the rights of my friends and family, some seemed spot on, while others seemed exaggerated or slanted. I observe political events from my personal perspective, naturally, and I’m aware that my background, upbringing, education, and privilege affect my perceptions. I don’t expect others to feel the same as me.

I’ll mock you if you keep this up much longer, Suna

Still, I found myself inexplicably surprised to read how people I know reacted to the speech. The range was from being thrilled and buoyed up to being angry and derisive. Now, I’ve gone on and on about how I believe we are living in two different countries within one geographic space. But sometimes the extent of the divide shocks me.

It made me want to dive into the water and not come back up (thanks, anhinga)

I really would like to briefly crawl inside the minds of some of the people I know, so I could see how they came to be a member of the country I don’t live in. I’m convinced they have different truths and facts than I do, and I would love to jump in and learn them, without having to watch certain television networks.

At least I have a nice place to watch my chosen network (HGTV)

When I’ve tried to talk to people, I get one of two reactions: some declare that they just “know” things in their gut and feel them, facts or no facts; others are able to point to evidence for their beliefs, which tends to be things that people in my country don’t learn about. The latter group help me a lot, but I’m still baffled and hate to be that way.

We all see the same sun as it sets, just from different physical and mental places

Here’s where I draw a little comfort. There have been times throughout the history of human cultures where people with very different mindsets have coexisted for long periods of time. They are able to work together, trade with each other, and keep each other safe, all while practicing very different spiritual and political beliefs. I know this has been true. I want this here.

Why can’t we all just get along and let a rainbow be a rainbow?
(Ha ha – I’m aware that folks who say that are made fun of all the time)

I also have seen how easily these times of peace and coexistence can blow up. Look at the former Yugoslavia, India and Pakistan, Hitler’s reign, Israel, the US in the 1860s… this is what I fear. We are equally divided in this country. I just hope the reasonable majority on both sides keeps us at peace.

On a happier note, I enjoyed yesterday. There was the perfect balance of hard work, exercise, and relaxation. There’s a lot to be said about watching container ships (which are shaped like giant floating bricks), crab boats, kites, and dogs out the window as I ponder project lifecycles. Plus, the birds did not disappoint me, either. Those cedar waxwings are having a great feast on the little fruits of the palmettos.

Plus, Lee made it back to the ranch safely and I found out I’ll have some fun visitors for the next few days. I won’t be meditating solemnly and thinking deep thoughts in the condo alone! I’ll get to do things and meet new people. All I’ll say is that my guests are regular blog readers, who I hope are ready to drive over here and not reading my nonsense.

Back to my regularly scheduled search for beauty among the harsh reality of life. This is a statue at the new park nearby.

Filet Gumbo and Filet Crow

What a nice day it was, through a bit nippy. So much got done that I felt like a paragon of efficiency. The Red House is ready for the next visitors, I got a fun custom sweatshirt from the talented Kimberly of Side Hustle Shirts (photo later), and I enjoyed a really special time with friends at lunch. That was the gumbo part.

From where I had lunch I could almost see our place. It’s over the far ridge.

Community is important, and with all the restrictions easing, it’s been a real pleasure to enjoy time with friends and meet new people to expand my community. It was very sweet of our friend Linda to invite a few women over for lunch today. It felt both special and normal at the same time. It’s healing to me to feel part of a group again, and I can’t wait to do more of this, like people used to do in the before times.

And the gumbo was so good. I need to eat that more!

Of course, it’s always good to be home with one’s spouse and his fancy mustache.

As for filet crows, I finished the little filet crochet curtain I started a few days ago. It was fun to do and I figured out how to do a bigger project with other yarn. The key is extended double crochet, which will make the squares more…square. You add an extra loop to make the stitches a tad taller.

As my coworker said today, it looks more like a pigeon than a crow, since I did it left to right rather than top to bottom. But, since it’s cotton, I can block and starch it to stretch it a bit.

Most important is that I enjoyed making this. It came out the right size to be a curtain in the tack room, too. Sadly, I used up five of my eight skeins of fancy Rowan organic cotton, so I can’t make a pair!

Tomorrow I’m starting a smaller scale filet crochet project, which I hope will get it all out of my system and I can go back to knitting. Since the temperature blanket I designed uses many colors, I’ll wait a bit to start it. Why? It’s time for another road trip! Talk to you from the road tomorrow!

Too Windy

I had many outdoor plans today but ruled many of them out due to a pounding wind from the south. Activities like cleaning up trash and shoveling horse poop were curtailed pretty quickly. I did manage to get some square bales of hay out to the horses with minimal bits of hay going into my eyes.

Once I put the bales in, each horse seemed certain that the next horse over had a better selection, so they ended up moving in circles just like a merry-go-round. Such comic relief.

Soon they got a new round bale, which calmed them down. Maybe having enough hay will keep them out of the dang cockleburs. Fiona apparently slept in them, because I got 20+ off her right side and there are still some left. I wore out her patience.

The rest of the day included highlights such as kitchen cleaning and re-organizing my nail polish strips. Whee.

I watched US football playoffs and worked on the last border of the rug project. I’m growing quite fond of the back side of the rug!

At least I got to see friends at dinner and laugh a lot. Our conversations veer off into strange territory sometimes! I’ll be more interesting tomorrow, perhaps. There will, at least, be horse riding if the wind stops. It might have toppled me today—the gate nearly did so today!

Why Yes, We Can Have Fun in Cameron!

I just got home from a genuinely fun and satisfying evening out in our little town. It’s so great to have options for hanging out with your friends and neighbors in downtown!

I don’t get into town much, but Anita invited me to join her for coffee, so I headed over to the Farmers to Market Coffee Shop for some of their delicious coffee and cozy decor (plus friendly staff and friends to chat with). I’m thrilled we have TWO coffee shops to choose from. It’s getting better here!

Then we took the opportunity to see how the work Railfan is doing on downtown buildings is coming along. The Venue is getting even more beautiful. The mezzanine now has a beautiful wood wall and the floor is so shiny. What great work!

Next we wandered across the street to the old JC Penney building and its neighbors, where my son was painting walls and sealing bricks. It fascinates me to see the bones that were hiding in the former bland county offices.

Next we checked out the Penney building, which I’d seen before, but not cleaned out. Wow. I’d love to live in a loft on the third floor! Being able to look out the windows was a fun surprise. And the old elevator is something that needs to somehow be preserved. Being able to watch these renovations gives me a real sense of the hard work and creativity it takes to achieve a downtown revitalization.

Enough with the old buildings! Anita and I next went over to another building that was vacated when the county offices moved, the former tax office. Now it’s the Cameron Beer Market, with pizza, beer, pool, and so many fun people.

There were opening night glitches, like the credit card machine not working, so we had to pay cash. I never have cash. Still, we had fun conversation with so many folks we know, plus I got to enjoy Lee, Anita, and Declan talking about music. That’s always interesting.

This was before it got crowded. I like the grass on the wall.

Dang! Another fun night here, and soon we can do stuff like this all the time. And hey, some of the people were planning to go to another downtown spot, our beloved Central Avenue Bistro, after their beer, so wow, options!

Thanks to everyone who supports local businesses here, including the established ones, so I’m not forgetting Ginno’s Italian and the great Mexican restaurants here. Or further out, Bob’s! There’s stuff to do in our little town.

Plus we have a scenic old jail and cabin. Rural fun, yep.

Not Everything I Did the Past Two Days Was Boring

Now, there’s a blog post title that will draw dozens of readers, right? I’ve had lots to do during this week of no work, but much of it consists of mundane chores that aren’t interesting even to me, much less other folks! You know, farm tasks, applying for Social Security, making medical appointments, taking the car in for its very expensive five-year checkup, etc.

News flash: chickens are laying 1-2 eggs a day.

But hey, after dropping the car off at a new-to-us dealership, we did get to go to a restaurant and eat different foods from what’s available around here. Sushi is a rare treat, so we enjoyed the place that just happened to be on our way home, knowing we could linger because the horses were fed for me. What a luxury!

Actually, I got to eat out TWICE yesterday, which is exciting for a hermit. Some friends invited me to join them for lunch (Mexican, of course), which is always fun when it’s me and a bunch of people from the Cameron area, because I learn so much (and get to laugh).

Then, I spontained, as Lee would say, and after running an errand went to check out the new coffee shop in town. Lo and behold, it was open! They were training staff. I texted Anita to come join me, and we had a nice coffee and chat. I look forward to when they will have food and be a lunch alternative, but I won’t give up the coffee trailer, either. Wow, a CHOICE of coffee spots here?

Other than that, it’s the usual. In bird news, I got a photo of the greater yellowlegs who’s making its annual visit. I love the sounds those guys make. I realize this photo isn’t great, but you can at least recognize its shape and bill. My “photos” of the weird kingfisher who has been visiting didn’t even capture its distinctive shape, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get one of these darned lark sparrows to hold still. Why won’t the birds come closer so I can get an ID?

The bill gives it away, along with its call, now that I recognize the yellowleg

And of course, there are horses, who were due to get ridden today, but every time I went out to groom, it started to rain. Then it would stop, and I’d be annoyed with myself. Finally, I just fed them in a gap between showers, which was good, because now it’s raining hard enough that I think the ponds will refill. Now, THAT isn’t boring.

The gray and white horse with gray and white clouds

I guess it’s a perfect night for leftover soup, hanging with the dogs, and putting that afghan together.

Thanks. We don’t like lightning, so appreciate your nearness.

I have been avoiding a lot of ruminating and deep thoughts for a little while, so I realize my posts are a bit mundane. I’m focusing on living in the moment right now, because it’s a very painful time of the year for me. The present is good, however. I’m thankful for the supportive folks around me and that life is pleasantly boring.

Community Holiday Joy

Maybe residents of our small town are sick of hearing about it, but I’m gonna say it again: Cameron is like a new town this season. I’m so grateful to all the folks who have worked so hard to turn the town around over the past year, especially everyone on the Chamber of Commerce Board. Just wow.

Honest, the square is gorgeous when not captured through car windows

There are lights everywhere this year, unlike before, when it was a few sparse displays on some of the more chipper businesses. This year, wow!

And check out tonight’s fun event at the new Venue, the Sip and Shop.

Look at this beautiful building and the beautiful vendors!

I had so much fun hanging out here with my friends and seeing what the vendors (some of whom also are friends) had to offer.

I got some wonderful things, you know, to support local artists and bakers. Or for fun. My favorite thing is my hat. It has a bird on it. Pamela had a hat, too.

It was just a beautiful night, and the Venue looks so beautiful! I’m so proud of the work everyone has done on this project. I admit one team member is my kid. The new staircase is awesome and the new bathroom wallpaper made me so happy. What a great project the team has completed!

Sometimes I feel alone and like an actual hermit. But events like this, where everyone is so kind and welcoming, make me feel a part of something. We even tried to recruit our jeweler friend, Mary, to be a Master Naturalist. Community peer pressure! That’s holiday magic, right there.

I got this gorgeous piece of labradorite made into a pendant by Mary. The copper backing is stamped with an “om” stamp. It’s very special.

When we get down on our fellow humans, we need to remember how communities can come together and support each other. I saw so much networking, generosity, and fellowship tonight that I couldn’t stop smiling.

That, too, was a holiday miracle. Now enjoy some friends and vendors who made Cameron, Texas magical tonight.

Breaking in the Vacation Rental

I’ve spent my first night at your vacation rental, the Red House on Fannin, and I’m happy to report the beds work.

My friend Sheryl from Austin came up to see me and Anita, and it was really nice to be able to have her stay overnight rather than having to drive home in the dark just hours after she arrived!

Instead, we were able to drive around and look at Christmas lights, eat a fine Mexican meal at El Charro, then retire back to the Red House to catch up on each other’s lives. It was great for three of us hermit ladies to hang out.

Sheryl tested out the master bedroom and I tried out the bottom bunk. I quickly realized I need a reading light next to the bed, so I’ll get one with a USB outlet in it as well. The top bunk blocks light from the ceiling fixture. That’s an easy fix! We also figured out a few more little things like that, which I’ll implement this week as soon as I have a car I can drive.

What? Yep, my car started acting very oddly when we were driving to the Red House from the ranch, where I’d made Sheryl endure watching me ride Apache (it was back to work time for the horses!). It just didn’t want to shift gears. That was sorta scary, so I was glad we went down the back road. This morning we went over to look at the Venue where the guys were working, and I got some ideas for what to try before driving it to Austin. The best suggestion was to use the manual shift paddles, which I use so seldom I forget are there. That got me home with much less lurching.

Learning to use new phone camera features. And showing how I feel about life right now. Ya just don’t know what’s happening next.

I tried to get the car fixed locally, but they don’t do transmissions, especially of fancy city cars (implied, not stated). I did get the oil changed, which I know was also needed, because I’ve dawdled over getting it serviced for a while due to hating to go to downtown Austin. Of course, there are challenges with staying local. I was not at all amused to find that whoever changed the oil also changed the radio station to The Word, or some Bible station. Aha, KALD, which is a part of Houston Christian Broadcasting. I guess they were trying to kindly show me another public radio station to replace my Heathen NPR that was on. Except, it was OFF when I arrived at the repair place. Well, bless their hearts, I’m sure they meant well.

Meanwhile, Sheryl and I enjoyed a Mexican breakfast, because Los Comales makes the best breakfast I ever ate. After that, I tried to take her to the new coffee shop, but of course, it’s not REALLY open. Never fear, the coffee trailer run by my actual friends (Cloud 9 Coffee, it’s in a cute trailer) WAS open, so we got some fun lattes and forgot to get Anita her chai. Oops. Bad friend.

But, we did get to tour Anita’s house before Sheryl followed me home in case the car exploded. It didn’t, but the check engine light came on. I think we need to go get the other car, which is waiting for us at the dealership in College Station, due to us going out of town over the weekend and not engaging in obligations.

At least I got home and managed to get some work done. Soon as I’m totally done, Drew gets to trot around in circles some more. He has a new cinch that matches his saddle to try out, which will hopefully fit him perfectly.

I guess my life is just right. Some fun, some challenges, and interesting enough to keep my mind off the fact that we live in Bizarro World now.

Fun Times in Cameron, Texas

I forgot to blog about the fun I had last Saturday at the Steak Stein and Wine event in downtown Cameron. I got to hang out with so many friends. In the morning my friends Martha and Mike wandered around, having coffee from the extra cute new coffee trailer two friends of mine are opening and enjoying the vendors. The nice thing about being in a small town is you know lots of the folks.

I got a couple of Mexican outfits from a nice family who have tons of cool stuff, like lóteria shirts and Virgen de Guadalupe stuff for Anita, who came by later. We enjoyed chatting in our second languages to each other.

Our company had the cutest fishing game for kids. Kathleen is so creative in making stuff like this! She also made gorgeous wreaths for silent auctions. The caregivers and I dressed up as fish or something but I gave my tutu away to one of the husbands. They really didn’t need me cramping their style!

Friends I met at Master Naturalist stuff have opened a new hot dog stand that serves local 44 Farms all beef hot dogs. They were so busy, because it was so good. I’m happy for them and look forward to more Yoe Dawgs!

Michelle smiled through the whole hot dog thing

I must admit the highlight of the event was the Rotary Club pie throwing for charity. There were many officials there, but I zeroed in on the poor mayor. Bill was a good sport and I hammed it up to encourage others to grab a pie. I’m not a violent woman, but that was fun. And yes, I got a tie dye shirt.

I enjoyed the Art Walk in the beautifully renovated building where the last one had been. Wow has the Railfan on Main team done a great job! Anita came and enjoyed it with us. And she enjoyed trying to kill Kathleen.

The bathrooms are also lovely. I’ll share more pictures when all is done. In the meantime we drank delicious drinks and eventually had a fancy ribeye dinner. The steaks were huge! Tarrin joined us for dinner and it was so fun. Plus we got to see her in non-horsey clothes.

There was a sun dog in the sky while we waited for food.

I’ve left off half the wonderful booths and vendors. It was a great group. I was impressed by the work of Lee and the rest of the Chamber of Commerce team. Everyone worked so hard to make it fun for all.

Look, a cornhole tournament with a professional player!

Thanks for reading my ode to the fun of our little town. Things are getting better!

More Fire but Okay

The wind came up and blew the fire from yesterday across the road. But they saved a bunch of other hay and then used our tractor to spread the remaining bales out so they would burn out more quickly.

These round bales are like cigars. They are so dense that it takes a long time for them to burn. Once again I’m sure grateful to our local fire fighters.

Interesting fact: the hay field will come back beautifully once it rains. Burning the fields is good for them. This just isn’t a good time.

Other than that I’m tired from working, doing stuff with the two horses that aren’t mine, and cooking some dang good jambalaya with ham and boudin. Plus I’m sad that a friend lost her husband yesterday. That will do for today.