community – Page 10 – The Hermits' Rest

Friends and Acquaintances and Healing

Hello from a land of clouds, rainbows, and surprises. A week in Myrtle Beach has passed and I’m still in awe of how green and rainy it is, especially compared to another 105° day at home. Blurgh.

My mind is still on things back home. Some folks have disappointed me and I’ve disappointed some. I’m very grateful to the people who’ve been going out of their way to help me and my family, though. There aren’t enough words, even though I’m a writer, to express my gratitude to our ranch family.

I’ve needed support and diversion this week. Thank goodness I have friends to talk to, with the magic of Zoom. Just having friends who will listen and support me without trying to “fix” things is invaluable. My Friday morning buddies, plus work support, got me through the day. Hooray for kindness!

Friends remind you you’re beautiful, even if you’re a weed growing among fancy cultivars

So, after work, Lee took me to the outlet mall to look for a particular shoe. Naturally, I enjoyed talking to the people who worked at the stores. It’s so rewarding to see a tired salesperson smile after you treat them nicely. The shoes didn’t work out, but I came home with a little purse and pansy pajamas. Pansies! Woo! They are interesting colors and not so long that they drag the ground. Bonus.

Shopping on what turned out to be “tax free weekend” wore Lee out, so we went to the sports bar again. I’ve tried not to spend all week at the bar, so I was glad to go get another old fashioned. I was happy to see Kevin, the bartender who’s an expert in Florida history, was there. It turns out he knows the family of my childhood pediatrician. huh!

We spent a nice time (really) talking to obnoxious* Steve, Bill, and their friend Patrick about books and our histories and such. It’s rewarding to meet new folks and get to know them, which is why I’ve enjoyed this condo over the years. People are truly fascinating, and you can always find things in common with new acquaintances. I need to remember this when I get down about the state of the world.

Sarah D says bye to Steve, since he’s going home.

I’m feeling much better, because we have a new author to read (Stan Comforti, a former federal agent) and will have bartender Kevin’s new book to read soon. Who knew how many writers and avid readers we’d run into?

The world seems much smaller and less scary when you take the time to talk to people and get to know them. I need to remember that.

Myrtle Beach in a nutshell. Pelicans and one of the ubiquitous helicopters.

And even in Condo World there are Nature sightings. We went out at dusk and saw dozens of bats and nighthawks flying right by us. We enjoyed it with the folks next door, who seemed thrilled as we were.

Watch the bats!

* I told Steve I’d call him that rather than a**hole.

I’m Not a Good Painter

Nope. I’m not, probably due to lack of practice, because I think it can be taught. But I really needed to do something to take my mind off things that are completely out of my control. So I went to the activity center and did an activity involving painting.

The activity center and fellow activists.

The activity was painting wine glasses while drinking wine. We shared the center with a passel of screeching preteens playing games and one young kid who kept barging into the grownup area. That was fine. I’m used to screeching after being here at the condo during summer vacation for a few days.

We were led by the extra perky Rosie, the activity leader, or one of them. She basically told us to Google designs then tell her what color paints we wanted. So, three other women, one guy and I painted. It was pleasant, though hard to get anything attractive done due to the quality of brushes and the type of paint. Most of the people covered their glasses with solid globs and dots, but I did plants. Of course.

The woman sitting next to me really wanted a starfish on her glass. Now, I thought it looked just fine as it was, but she wanted a starfish. Since I painted lines and dots that resembled flowers, she decided that I should paint the starfish. I did my best.

Oh well. She liked it. I did a sideways one on the other side. I realize some starfish have longer legs. This is my best first try, I guess.

Maybe I’ll come back next week and the week after and have some for gifts! They’re dishwasher safe (once Rosie coats them with clear stuff). It was a nice break, anyway, since most of the day was complicated work stuff and larger concerns. Being around others and hearing their stories always puts things into perspective.

Hug your loved ones.

Listening?

What do you listen to while you work?

The prompt for today was easy. I listen to things at work, but not music or podcasts. Here are the things in the background when I’m working from home:

Dogs barking. The most annoying sound. Love the dogs, not as fond of being notified every time a cow moves.
The ice maker. This went away for a while when it moved up to my bedroom (and was turned off at night) and in winter, when the residents don’t need so much ice for basic survival. It hums, whirs, and clatters along quite briskly.
Swallows. They may not be breeding, but they are still swooping into the semi-enclosed area outside my office and yelling at each other.

That’s not so bad. I like to write in quiet, so I think I’m pretty lucky.

Today, however, I worked to the sound of music on hold, as I patiently waited AT&T out. I knew if I just let them yammer on and try to sell me shit, they’d eventually realize they’d been charging me for a broken modem that they no longer service and come groveling back. I did a lot of deep breathing, attended an online conversation with friends, and just kept saying Okay when I was put on brief holds for 2.5 hours. I ended up getting refunds for the broken equipment back to the beginning of the year, no charge for my hotspot that I use in the RV because it’s no good at home, and $55 a month off our satellite tv for a year. HA!

I was so busy today the only photo I took was my fingernails.

I’m glad that went well, since I messed a bunch of other stuff up and was displeased with my lack of attention to detail. I messed up an Airbnb reservation, but if I PAY ATTENTION I can end up making money. I just need to wait two months.

Then I realized my reservation for my next Myrtle Beach trip was for only a one-bedroom condo. I was just sure it was two, because I didn’t look hard enough. There goes my visit with my stepsister, who needs a good bed. I’m gonna visit with them somehow in the not-too-distant future. Or else. And I doubt my other friends will want to visit either. Not much privacy.

There’s a reason I’m not in charge of business stuff usually. I can’t keep all the details straight.

In better news, the reason I skipped blogging yesterday was that I drove over to the ever-expanding suburbs to see my friends Susan and Brian, who were in Texas to meet their newest grandchild. That was a happy reunion. The baby was doing well and had bright, white hair. Really cool. We ate at a nearby Pan Asian restaurant. I got phô and sushi both. Heavenly.

Susan and I are trying to look friendly across a table.

Mostly we talked and talked. It was good to talk and talk in person rather than on Zoom. Susan and I are old friends with much history and much in common, so there’s much to cram in during just one meal. Brian did get in a few stories, too. It was quite cathartic. New grandparents have to do a lot of tongue biting, you know. I did do listening last night, so I’m barely sticking to my topic.

I did take another photo. Spotted Cucumber beetle (*Diabrotica undecimpunctata*) — a major agricultural pest.

Other than that, I’m still having trouble with the heat, as are the animals. The horses are very jealous of shade patches and are grumpy. Fiona is especially full of territorial kicks. No listening there. At least the Zyrtec is helping Apache.

Hi There, Ranch Neighbors

Yesterday I wrote about farming, about which I don’t know much. Today I enjoyed residents of our greater ranch community, which I understand a bit more, and always get much peace and pleasure from.

I was delighted to see that the folks whose cattle live here had put some cows and their older calves out behind us. I recognize many of them, which is kind of cool. Some cows have been here since these folks first came here.

The cattle brought some friends with them, a little flock of cattle egrets (Bubulcus ibis). These small herons have spread across the world as farming practices have made their lives easier. They hang out near cattle and other large mammals and keep them free of insects and ticks.

Their expansion is fairly recent. I remember them being an exciting newcomer when I was a small child in north Florida’s cattle country. Mom loved to see them sitting on the Brahma and Hereford cattle.

The resident great egret is graciously sharing the pond. I’m not sure how the green herons are taking it. I haven’t heard them in a couple of days.

This afternoon, after a change in plans, I went over to Sara’s to see how her horses are getting along. Of course, this entailed much time oohing and aahing over Jhayati, who I hadn’t seen in a while.

She’s 2.5 months old and already getting gray hairs. Sara says that means she probably got two copies of the gray gene. She’ll finish graying out before Drew does!

Love the shape of her face, which is typical of an Andalusian.

Her coat is softer than velvet, and she’s very friendly. Sara’s doing a great job slowly teaching her life skills. Meanwhile, her mom, Sully, spends a lot of time pointing out that she is beautiful and needs to be petted, too.

The lead rope setup is what Tarrin recommended to Sara. And how about that tie dye! She made it.

Aragorn pretends the foal doesn’t exist, which is cute and probably right for the Head Horse, but the other horses are helpful. I really enjoyed my visit, though it sure was hot. Mornings are much better horse time, even if mine aren’t thrilled at first.

You can see gray on her face. She’s also shedding baby hair, so it’s a bit awkward.

I guess that’s it for the ranch neighbor report. It’s so hot and dry that we just can’t drum up any excitement. That’s absolutely fine with me.

Happy for My Friend

Today was special, because my friend Pamela worked very hard to get her ceramics studio showroom ready for public viewing. Today she had the official Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting for the gallery at Neeley Fine Art Studio.

The gallery is right next to her working studio, which is one of the most fascinating places around this area. And it’s all set on her family land, which is beautiful (almost visible from the Hermits’ Rest).

I usually go over there to look at plants and bugs or to load bales of hay, so it was fun to put on nice clothing and participate in the ribbon cutting.

Ruby the hound had to check out the ribbon

It was also fun to hang out for a little while with my friends and other local artists. It is gratifying to see all the support for Pamela and her work. When the community comes together, it’s a really good feeling!

It must have been the day for honoring Pamela! She also was recognized for her Master Naturalist recertification this evening! A Renaissance woman!

There she is, second from left, with other old and new friends.

When she has her official open house, I’m cooler weather, I’ll share how you can purchase your own whimsical and elegant ceramics.

My favorite is the red stuff. It’s a beautiful red.

Thanks for all your love and support, readers, friends, and family. Remember you’re all just great, exactly as you are, and you don’t have to try to be someone you’re not just to placate others.

Grateful for Little Smiles

I’ve been needing something to smile about lately, and the Universe has provided. First, I’m grateful to have spent a few low-stress days with my household members, with lots of laughs and encouragement. You can’t beat that!

Even Lee’s ice cream bucket was smiling.

Besides that, one of my niggling worries is much lessened now. It looks like I’ll have another year at my job. Such good news! I do like my job and the people I interact with, for which I am also truly grateful.

My portulaca plants are growing, which makes me glad!

I’ve watched friends being kind and supportive of each other all week. In today’s combative climate, small things like opening doors for strangers, giving tokens of affection, and offering to help someone struggling mean a lot. I can’t be specific but it’s helpful to make the effort to notice these things, and to instigate them when you get a chance!

Lee made me this image. That was nice. It’s a scan of part of a poster.

What little things made you smile today? It’s worth the effort to try to recall those moments and appreciate them. Since I take so many photos, I can share a few more with you.

Enlarge to see the cheerful wiggly honey mesquite seed pods

Bloggers Need Topics

I don’t have a topic today. Things are going along all right, with few exciting developments that I can talk about. That’s not bad at all. We all need some mostly drama-free periods in our lives.

The best thing about today was that there were a few clouds in the sky. The heat dome is moving away at last, and we will be back to normal levels of hotness.

The grass is turning it’s normal summer brown, though, and I saw my first cracks in the dirt today.

I’ve managed to not get too hot this week by doing horse things early, when I have no early meetings, and feeding the horses in a wet bathing suit. Hey, no one can see me! And Drew likes the pool water smell.

I like the smell of fresh trough water, myself.

Mostly I’ve been going through one of my awkward periods where I express myself poorly and upset people, or feel like a fifth wheel in conversations. I know when I start feeling bad about myself that it’s time to apologize, remind myself I’m as good a person as I can be, and to remember that sometimes your best isn’t good enough.

Yes, then I need to think about Apache and how long my well-meaning efforts weren’t enough for our relationship, but with some help, we got to communicate better. I’ll just listen to helpful people about remedying my faux pas and maybe do some improvements in interpersonal relationships. Being a hermit who wants to make friends is complicated!

Let’s talk about knitting. I finished row 2 of the second unit of the giant temperature blanket and can see it was warming up quickly once May rolled around (after the black square). We got our first red squares, which are over 90°. I was thinking today that I could enter the first bit in the art contest at the Master Naturalist conference. It’s a piece of citizen science, after all. I’d have to type up a nice legend and explanation.

One more piece is f good news is a volunteer tomato plant. It’s with the squash behind the chicken house. Just hope no one mows it! I keep forgetting to mark the “plants” as opposed to cockleburs.

I hope you’re all doing well. Please know that I care about you all, appreciate your feedback, and love hearing your own stories.

Pride, the Good Kind

I’m feeling a lot of pride, but not the kind that “goeth before a fall.” My heart is swelling with pride for two reasons.

First, I talked yesterday about how my next-door horse and rider friends, Sara and Aragorn, had a hard time with the dressage portion of their show yesterday. The only pair they beat were the ones that got disqualified (not to worry, the rider did amazing on her other horse). I was so impressed with how Sara handled Aragorn’s disinclination to canter. Her plan was to see how he felt today, and try again.

And wow! They put the past behind them and seized the day today in the ease of handling and speed phases. They WON both. That made them overall champions in their class. I sure wish I could have seen them! I’m extremely proud of how well Sara came back. I knew Aragorn could do amazing things, because he had done so last week. I’m so glad his feet felt better and he did his best for his partner. I’m just thrilled.

I’m more thrilled than I look in this picture.

Who else am I proud of? My chubby, spotty, old buddy Apache. Like Aragorn did for Sara, Apache did his very best for me today as we filmed our Spring virtual show. Bear in mind that Apache is not as far along in his journey as Aragorn, so his very best isn’t glorious perfection; it’s improvement. And my equine partner did the best he could. There were lots of challenges, like gates, carrying flags, and doing complicated turns holding said flag. Oh, and doing three turns around barrels with me holding a giant pole. Heck, he almost sidepassed competently. Almost.

While not doing the show, he actually played in a puddle. Then he did a perfect jump! With me on him! Tarrin heard it, so I have verification. I’m very proud of his effort.

Now, by the time I got to Tarrin’s I was a bit flustered. We were quite late thanks to flat tires, running out of gas, and Lee not feeling great. And it’s getting HOT. But, I coped. I am damn sure I could have done better with practice, but for someone not used to using one rein I did okay. We managed to go through a gate going both ways, too. It wasn’t great form, but we didn’t knock anything over!

And I didn’t pass out, because I was hydrated.

I’ll admit to being proud of myself on the Functionality test. I did way better remembering it and actually enjoyed it. I’m improving, too. I smiled!

Truly, though, Apache was so relaxed and willing to try whatever I asked him that I had to be proud. I think we trust each other a lot more. We’re getting there! The money I’ve invested in training for myself and the horses is paying huge dividends.

Working with horses makes me much calmer, like now when I’m in Austin waiting for a root canal tomorrow.

Community, for the Win

Hey, thanks to each of you who’ve reached out about what I wrote yesterday. It sure helps you feel less alone to realize others are going through what you’re going through, and it’s gratifying to think maybe your convoluted thoughts brought comfort to others.

Today I accompanied Sara and Aragorn to a horse show in Waco. I just went to watch, which is what I do at US Working Equitation shows, because I’m not confident enough to try (and because I probably don’t have the time or funds to show in two organizations). I do enjoy watching their riders, and learn a lot from them and their beautiful horses.

There were so many horses. I had to root for the small gray horse.

It turns out that we had a conversation with one of our horse friends about what I mentioned earlier. She’s someone who freely shares her ups and downs in life, and her reasons echo mine. Talking about your challenges and how you get through them brings people together, helps them feel less isolated (in social media and in person), and helps create communities. We all benefit from finding people with whom we have commonalities. And who knew how much I’d learn from this gifted horse trainer about families, love, and letting go? You learn more than horse stuff at horse shows.

But the talented riders are darned educational, too.

The support of so many kinds that I’ve gotten through the years from my various communities has been invaluable. And yes, even on social media. The groups of folks I share with online both support me and give me a chance to support and encourage others. If you don’t have a community like this, find a group of people who share your interests. You’ll find all kinds of fascinating people, some of whom may become friends.

I consider Sara and Aragorn my friends. I had a couple of nice visits with him in his stall today.

As for the show, Aragorn was not into it today, but Sara’s attitude was great. She showed the horse she got today, and then worked to figure out what was going on. Was it the big ole insect sting he had? Was it because his shoes came off? Was it the trim she gave his hooves last night? She is going to address those potential issues for the second part of the show tomorrow.

I’m scheduled to see if Apache and I can get our act together to do a virtual show recording over at his favorite venue, Tarrin’s. Of course, we did have a big rain storm blow in this evening. We may be rained or mudded out. Whatever happens is fine. I can’t change things beyond my control. That lesson keeps bopping me over the head these days!

Again, thanks for your support and for the opportunity to provide some support in return.

Mourning Relationships

I didn’t write a blog post yesterday, because I was too caught up in an unexpected wave of emotions. I found out that another of my mentor/friends from my time in La Leche League had passed away quite unexpectedly. Mentor/friend. There’s a concept. I truly believe that everyone we get to know, even a little, teaches us something. Everyone who becomes a friend teaches us something we need to learn that will help us.

Losing Gail Moak, who was a friend and mentor to so many stunned and pained me. As I sat with my grief (when I finally got a moment) it occurred to me that what I am mourning more than anything is the end of opportunities to listen to Gail, to learn from her, and to support her when she needs support.

Luckily, my mentor/friend Nancy called right about then, as I was sweeping the front porch to dissipate my feelings of helplessness, and she understood what I meant when I told her I don’t mourn the loss of life, because I know that happens to us all; I mourn the loss of a real-time relationship. Wow, I really value relationships with people I care about.

Last night’s sunset comforted me, as the Earth often does in its perspective

I think I mourn losses of friendships the same way. When the incident with our Bobcat book club happened, I ended up feeling so sad that I’d lost the chance to connect with, learn from, and support some women I’d come to think of as friends. They’re still alive, but our relationship died. It still hurts.

There’s that cliche that people always say after a loss, something like tell those you care about that you love them, or hug your family now. I can understand where that impulse comes from. My dearest wish, when it comes to my friends and family, though, would be that they are secure in the knowledge that I value my relationship with them, whatever it is, and that I will mourn it when we part, however we do part.

There’s so much we don’t know. But we do know our connections are vital for our spirits.

Just a bit about Gail. I knew of her when I worked with La Leche League, but never met her until I was asked to serve on the Board of Friends of LLL, the group for retired Leaders and supporters of the organization. We worked closely on the newsletter when I was editor, spoke often during meetings, and communicated very much on social media.

I got to know what a caring person she was, and not just about mothers and babies. She was passionate about equal rights for all people and didn’t just talk about it, she acted. I learned ways to be a stronger ally for my Black, brown, and indigenous friends from her. I saw her kindness toward the LGBTQIA+ community and felt a kindred spirit in how she expressed love and, crucially, support for people trying to be themselves in an increasingly hostile environment.

I dedicated this butterfly to Gail’s spirit

Most important, she was one of my many Christian friends who remind me that there are Christ-like ways of following that tradition where all are loved, not just rich, white males and their followers.

I just had to get all of what’s been stewing inside of me out. Writing things down always helps ground me. Life without both my friends Johanna and Gail will be hard. Both of them will leave a little black hole in Zoom meetings where their squares should be, but my heart will be full of memories of my relationships with these mentor/friends.

Thanks to all of you readers who have touched me. You DO make a difference and you have each taught me a lesson (some fun, some not so fun). I’m very grateful to you all.