community – Page 10 – The Hermits' Rest

Hard to Hold a Grudge

Are you holding a grudge? About?

Am I? I just don’t think I’m a grudge kind of person and I don’t think I ever was. Especially nowadays, when it’s become abundantly clear that everyone is a bit of a mess and capable of treating people poorly. Me too. So I cut the people around me a lot of slack.

I pondered this at lunch at a local park while watching blue-gray gnatcatchers flit around.

I have been angry at a couple of people and one institution (which is what comes closest to a grudge) who truly treated me badly. But for the ones I think of right off the bat, I know they thought/think their actions were the right thing to do. One I hear is now ashamed at what they said to and about me and my family. I feel no need to get back at them or make them feel worse.

Still, I’m not going to put myself in the position of allowing them to mistreat me again. I think the best thing to do in these situations is to put them out of my mind. Bearing a grudge entails thinking about the offending party too much to make me comfortable. It takes a while but it’s possible to let things go. I prefer to let the past be past, not consume myself with worrying about the future, and treasure today—the good and challenging parts.

Good parts of a day always include plants

I have to say that occasionally an old institutional grudge comes back, hard as I’ve tried to banish the word “chaordic” from my mind. The people in that organization are still among some of the most vindictive, self righteous, and divisive bunch of women I’ve ever seen (and others are among the kindest and most loyal friends on earth). Anyway, the little fringe alumnae group I still help out with has come under attack (of course by unknown parties). I could feel the bile rising in my gut. I was, as they say, triggered. I asked myself why the hell I let myself get talked into being involved again, even a little. I did NOT heed my own advice to walk away.

I guess this is a good opportunity to test my ability to concentrate on the good and put the triggering behaviors out of my mind. Let’s see how I do.

We can all learn from mistakes and acknowledge when we were wrong. Sometimes grudges end that way.

Other times, like with the relative currently trying to cause me pain, we can realize people are unable to change, and simply let them go. You can’t hold a grudge if you no longer care.

I guess my institutional grudges keep popping back up because I can’t stop caring about the good people involved. This goes for my deep disappointment in my old church. Hmm. Maybe I figured something out!

I didn’t even need a giant slab of limestone to ponder this on!

Thanks to the blog prompt folks for making me think this through.

Why Do I Blog?

Why do you blog?

Oh good, today’s blog prompt is at least easier than yesterday’s, though I can’t complain. My interview with Anita yesterday went over very well and started interesting conversations and apparently even gave some of her old friends new information. That was fun!

Now, today I’m supposed to tell you why I blog. The thing about this is that there are so many reasons that I may end up blathering away. I really enjoy blogging, though; perhaps that’s the main reason! I like writing, especially on topics that aren’t all serious like my work stuff.

Another reason I blog is that it creates a kind of community. I’ve enjoyed reading blogs since blogs were invented, and the insights into other people’s lives I’ve gotten have expanded my knowledge about different cultures and ways of thinking. I’ve found that interacting with folks in the comments is a way to make new friends. The feedback really is a lot of fun for me.

Blogging is also a way to keep in touch with far-flung friends and family. In the last century, people wrote letters to keep up with those they care about. I was also a big letter writer when I was in my teens and twenties, which I didn’t realize until I found a huge box of letters I’d received that were obviously in response to letters I’d written. I also emailed a lot when that came around, but I no longer have time to write long emails to everyone I want to talk to. So it’s a one-way blog blast (and I just hope those folks comment on my Facebook posts of the blog to keep the communication more two way.

In other posts I’ve made on this topic (which I am too lazy to look up, but I remember writing) I’ve talked about how blogging can also be a way of talking to myself, but also sharing it so I can get feedback. I used to journal but when there was no potential audience, I got maudlin and to be honest, I think I lied to myself. For some reason, I’m more “truthful” if I think there may be someone around to call me on any self-indulgent or overly dramatic crap I spew forth. There, a somewhat shameful admission from me.

More mundane reasons I blog are so I’ll be able to check out my pictures and memories of my travels, my work with the horses, and the things we do around the ranch (which can be challenging sometimes, because sometimes I’m not sure if it’s okay for me to share what other people here do).

I can share my old but happy Hoya plant.

It’s great fun to take photos to go with blog posts, too. I’m glad that some of my friends also enjoy them. Someday I hope phone photos look forward to a time when phone photos look a bit more like photos from a good camera. However, it will still be me taking the pictures, so you get what you get.

A tiny ray of cheer. Something is still blooming.

Thanks for reading, everyone. And yes, Mary, I do think there are more than five readers. But I’d love to hear from more of you, so feel free to comment, if you can.

How do you like my Moonlight Swim nails?

Meet My Friend Anita!

Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

Hmm, already I am wondering if it was a good idea to do this project where I answer the daily prompt for the month of September. I was stumped about who I could interview that wouldn’t take forever and would be somewhat interesting.

Then I realized I have lots of friends who are good writers, and that actually, everyone is interesting; So, I narrowed the list of possibilities down to who I figured could type fast and was bribable. Okay! So, I promised to pay to take Anita to the Barbie movie if she’d introduce herself to all five of you who read this blog!

And if you want to answer these same questions, you can be a blog post, too. It’s like the blog will practically write itself.

All About Anita

(In her own words)

Where were you born? Did you stay there long?

Stoneham, Massachusetts. We left after 6 months because my dad’s mother died and he wanted to go back to Delaware. And probably also because I crawled out the front door of the house and into the front yard without anyone noticing for a good while. I distinctly remember doing this. The first, but certainly not the last, time I tried to run away from home.

Where were your ancestors from?

Scotland, England, Ireland. I am as White as White can be.

Any siblings?

I had an older brother who died in 2007 of brain cancer. On Mother’s Day. But before that, he spent a lot of time tickling me, holding me up to the ceiling, or hanging me over the toilet and threatening to flush me down, all of which I thought was great. He was a very cool guy with a dry sense of humor and great taste in music.

Share three good or funny memories of high school

Uhhhh, hmmm, hanging out with you in your bedroom, playing records and talking and writing; skipping class to go to the beach in Boca Raton; cutting up confetti and bringing a giant black sign with the middle finger painted on it in white to high school football games (of course, I got in some trouble for that; The Man also didn’t like the confetti much. Huh.).

Share the three things you liked least about high school.

9th grade English: My life was threatened a number of times by a classmate, and also the teacher was incredibly incompetent. A certain “friend” who thought she owned me. The snobbishness and rudeness of some of the more well-off kids toward those of us who were considered weirdos or were living in poverty.

Where did you go to college? What was your major?

East coast South Florida. My initial major was journalism, but the program at my upper-level school was garbage (and my time working at a major newspaper kinda ruined it too), so I switched to Film, which I loved and still love to this day.

What kinds of jobs have you had as an adult?

Somewhat boringly and consistently, I have been an editor in the hard sciences all of my career. I’ve also rehabbed some houses, one in keeping with local and national standards of historic preservation (it was a 200+-year-old house).

What’s your favorite kind of food?

I love Mediterranean cuisines. And Indian food. And sushi. And a good brownie hot fudge sundae.

Tell us some of your collections.

Oh my. Pez, CDs, old movie DVDs. Pueblo pottery, southwestern/turquoise jewelry, books about strange/controversial subjects, cacti, rocks/minerals, glass balls, magnets. diner memorabilia, oddball Xmas decorations, objects from Baltimore. I think that’s it, but I’ll probably think of more later.

What’s your spiritual path? Your philosophy?

I believe there is a creative force or energy in the universe not named God or Jesus or Allah or whatever. It is not an old bearded White dude, sitting on a throne, telling me I have to be good or I’ll go to hell and suffer for all eternity. I believe the world would be a better place if we could be our true selves, without all the worries, pain, and suffering society puts on us. I want to live in harmony with nature; I don’t always succeed, but I try. I will hug a tree, dammit.

Do you believe in true love?

I did once, but “life” had other plans for me. And that is heartbreaking to me at times.

Which of your past pets is or was the weirdest?

Wow, they have all been super-weird in some way. Fiesta, a cat I had with my ex-husband, was a complete lunatic, but adorable. Pickle, my current dog, has many, let’s call them, quirks.

Introvert or extravert?

I would say both, depending on the situation and my state of mind. I am not a natural at parties/gatherings where I don’t know the people. I can be rather shy. But if I know you and I like you, I’m pretty much all in. I’m a strong believer in telling people you love them. You just never know when your last day together will be and you don’t want to miss the chance.

Favorite color?

Green green green all the day long. And then orange and yellow.

Thanks so much! I love you too, my long-time friend.

Old and Frustrated

How are you feeling right now?

For September I’ve decided to do an experiment. I’m going to answer the daily prompt that WordPress keeps asking me to respond to, and see how it fits in with what I want to talk about.

Something is blooming on September 1, at least.

So, how AM I feeling today?

Mostly I’m feeling very old. This has been a hard few weeks among my circles. Today another wonderful friend and role model, Norma, died after a valiant struggle to recover from infections. She was a wise breastfeeding advocate, a wonderful writer, and a font (fount?) of humor, especially Jewish.

Yesterday there was another loss close to our family. It reminds me of all the things that you leave behind for others to deal with. Oh please, family, pick a few things you like and auction the rest off. Just scatter my ashes around some trees. I’d like to help.

Yeah. I’m old. But I don’t feel like it. I have so much more to learn. Sigh. I hope my friends who’ve passed (as well as me) get a chance to come back and learn more. Maybe I’ll be a horse.

I still have so many cute horses to pet and tell them they’re good. (I’m doing that here, as Drew stops like a champ.)

I’m also frustrated. But that’s temporary. It was one of those days where whatever I tried to do didn’t quite work out. For example, I missed my 10am meeting, thinking it was at 11. Then I showed up a half hour early to lunch with Anita. At least lunch at the coffee shop was great!

Soup I had for lunch, and plug for the coffee shop.

And I didn’t get upset about this (on purpose, since horses can tell you’re upset) but the darned horses opened a gate and got out TWICE today! It’s no trouble to get them back in at meal time, but when I was relaxing in the pool and looked over to see Apache walking up to the chicken house, I was not amused.

Mmm. Lots of green grass over by the septic field. It’s a place I’m not supposed to take them, but they took themselves.

Note that it’s much harder to entice horses away from what they perceive as better food after they ate their rations and supplements. Still, I was very surprised to see Apache, Mabel, and Fiona come when I called. Dusty came close, so I haltered him and got him in.

I found Droodles hiding between the tack room and Kathleen’s RV, where the grass is quite nice, because it’s shady. He indicated that he’d like to stay, but accepted a cookie and a halter, so I succeeded in not losing my cool (once, a little — I’m human).

I put a bungee cord around the gate they keep opening. I’ll be interested to see how it holds up overnight.

I’m sure the horses are just as annoyed with me as I am with them, because I didn’t give them a bale of hay today. That’s because as I was moving their saddles back to the tack room from the horse trailer, my wagon blew a tire. I can’t carry hay. I’ll empty the wheelbarrow and use it in the morning. I’d love to use the utility vehicle, but it’s bed is full. Woe is me, ranch lady problems. But, hey, I can now open the shipping container doors to get hay out and have figured a way to get to more bales, so I’m a semi-competent ranch lady.

Friends and Acquaintances and Healing

Hello from a land of clouds, rainbows, and surprises. A week in Myrtle Beach has passed and I’m still in awe of how green and rainy it is, especially compared to another 105° day at home. Blurgh.

My mind is still on things back home. Some folks have disappointed me and I’ve disappointed some. I’m very grateful to the people who’ve been going out of their way to help me and my family, though. There aren’t enough words, even though I’m a writer, to express my gratitude to our ranch family.

I’ve needed support and diversion this week. Thank goodness I have friends to talk to, with the magic of Zoom. Just having friends who will listen and support me without trying to “fix” things is invaluable. My Friday morning buddies, plus work support, got me through the day. Hooray for kindness!

Friends remind you you’re beautiful, even if you’re a weed growing among fancy cultivars

So, after work, Lee took me to the outlet mall to look for a particular shoe. Naturally, I enjoyed talking to the people who worked at the stores. It’s so rewarding to see a tired salesperson smile after you treat them nicely. The shoes didn’t work out, but I came home with a little purse and pansy pajamas. Pansies! Woo! They are interesting colors and not so long that they drag the ground. Bonus.

Shopping on what turned out to be “tax free weekend” wore Lee out, so we went to the sports bar again. I’ve tried not to spend all week at the bar, so I was glad to go get another old fashioned. I was happy to see Kevin, the bartender who’s an expert in Florida history, was there. It turns out he knows the family of my childhood pediatrician. huh!

We spent a nice time (really) talking to obnoxious* Steve, Bill, and their friend Patrick about books and our histories and such. It’s rewarding to meet new folks and get to know them, which is why I’ve enjoyed this condo over the years. People are truly fascinating, and you can always find things in common with new acquaintances. I need to remember this when I get down about the state of the world.

Sarah D says bye to Steve, since he’s going home.

I’m feeling much better, because we have a new author to read (Stan Comforti, a former federal agent) and will have bartender Kevin’s new book to read soon. Who knew how many writers and avid readers we’d run into?

The world seems much smaller and less scary when you take the time to talk to people and get to know them. I need to remember that.

Myrtle Beach in a nutshell. Pelicans and one of the ubiquitous helicopters.

And even in Condo World there are Nature sightings. We went out at dusk and saw dozens of bats and nighthawks flying right by us. We enjoyed it with the folks next door, who seemed thrilled as we were.

Watch the bats!

* I told Steve I’d call him that rather than a**hole.

I’m Not a Good Painter

Nope. I’m not, probably due to lack of practice, because I think it can be taught. But I really needed to do something to take my mind off things that are completely out of my control. So I went to the activity center and did an activity involving painting.

The activity center and fellow activists.

The activity was painting wine glasses while drinking wine. We shared the center with a passel of screeching preteens playing games and one young kid who kept barging into the grownup area. That was fine. I’m used to screeching after being here at the condo during summer vacation for a few days.

We were led by the extra perky Rosie, the activity leader, or one of them. She basically told us to Google designs then tell her what color paints we wanted. So, three other women, one guy and I painted. It was pleasant, though hard to get anything attractive done due to the quality of brushes and the type of paint. Most of the people covered their glasses with solid globs and dots, but I did plants. Of course.

The woman sitting next to me really wanted a starfish on her glass. Now, I thought it looked just fine as it was, but she wanted a starfish. Since I painted lines and dots that resembled flowers, she decided that I should paint the starfish. I did my best.

Oh well. She liked it. I did a sideways one on the other side. I realize some starfish have longer legs. This is my best first try, I guess.

Maybe I’ll come back next week and the week after and have some for gifts! They’re dishwasher safe (once Rosie coats them with clear stuff). It was a nice break, anyway, since most of the day was complicated work stuff and larger concerns. Being around others and hearing their stories always puts things into perspective.

Hug your loved ones.

Listening?

What do you listen to while you work?

The prompt for today was easy. I listen to things at work, but not music or podcasts. Here are the things in the background when I’m working from home:

Dogs barking. The most annoying sound. Love the dogs, not as fond of being notified every time a cow moves.
The ice maker. This went away for a while when it moved up to my bedroom (and was turned off at night) and in winter, when the residents don’t need so much ice for basic survival. It hums, whirs, and clatters along quite briskly.
Swallows. They may not be breeding, but they are still swooping into the semi-enclosed area outside my office and yelling at each other.

That’s not so bad. I like to write in quiet, so I think I’m pretty lucky.

Today, however, I worked to the sound of music on hold, as I patiently waited AT&T out. I knew if I just let them yammer on and try to sell me shit, they’d eventually realize they’d been charging me for a broken modem that they no longer service and come groveling back. I did a lot of deep breathing, attended an online conversation with friends, and just kept saying Okay when I was put on brief holds for 2.5 hours. I ended up getting refunds for the broken equipment back to the beginning of the year, no charge for my hotspot that I use in the RV because it’s no good at home, and $55 a month off our satellite tv for a year. HA!

I was so busy today the only photo I took was my fingernails.

I’m glad that went well, since I messed a bunch of other stuff up and was displeased with my lack of attention to detail. I messed up an Airbnb reservation, but if I PAY ATTENTION I can end up making money. I just need to wait two months.

Then I realized my reservation for my next Myrtle Beach trip was for only a one-bedroom condo. I was just sure it was two, because I didn’t look hard enough. There goes my visit with my stepsister, who needs a good bed. I’m gonna visit with them somehow in the not-too-distant future. Or else. And I doubt my other friends will want to visit either. Not much privacy.

There’s a reason I’m not in charge of business stuff usually. I can’t keep all the details straight.

In better news, the reason I skipped blogging yesterday was that I drove over to the ever-expanding suburbs to see my friends Susan and Brian, who were in Texas to meet their newest grandchild. That was a happy reunion. The baby was doing well and had bright, white hair. Really cool. We ate at a nearby Pan Asian restaurant. I got phô and sushi both. Heavenly.

Susan and I are trying to look friendly across a table.

Mostly we talked and talked. It was good to talk and talk in person rather than on Zoom. Susan and I are old friends with much history and much in common, so there’s much to cram in during just one meal. Brian did get in a few stories, too. It was quite cathartic. New grandparents have to do a lot of tongue biting, you know. I did do listening last night, so I’m barely sticking to my topic.

I did take another photo. Spotted Cucumber beetle (*Diabrotica undecimpunctata*) — a major agricultural pest.

Other than that, I’m still having trouble with the heat, as are the animals. The horses are very jealous of shade patches and are grumpy. Fiona is especially full of territorial kicks. No listening there. At least the Zyrtec is helping Apache.

Hi There, Ranch Neighbors

Yesterday I wrote about farming, about which I don’t know much. Today I enjoyed residents of our greater ranch community, which I understand a bit more, and always get much peace and pleasure from.

I was delighted to see that the folks whose cattle live here had put some cows and their older calves out behind us. I recognize many of them, which is kind of cool. Some cows have been here since these folks first came here.

The cattle brought some friends with them, a little flock of cattle egrets (Bubulcus ibis). These small herons have spread across the world as farming practices have made their lives easier. They hang out near cattle and other large mammals and keep them free of insects and ticks.

Their expansion is fairly recent. I remember them being an exciting newcomer when I was a small child in north Florida’s cattle country. Mom loved to see them sitting on the Brahma and Hereford cattle.

The resident great egret is graciously sharing the pond. I’m not sure how the green herons are taking it. I haven’t heard them in a couple of days.

This afternoon, after a change in plans, I went over to Sara’s to see how her horses are getting along. Of course, this entailed much time oohing and aahing over Jhayati, who I hadn’t seen in a while.

She’s 2.5 months old and already getting gray hairs. Sara says that means she probably got two copies of the gray gene. She’ll finish graying out before Drew does!

Love the shape of her face, which is typical of an Andalusian.

Her coat is softer than velvet, and she’s very friendly. Sara’s doing a great job slowly teaching her life skills. Meanwhile, her mom, Sully, spends a lot of time pointing out that she is beautiful and needs to be petted, too.

The lead rope setup is what Tarrin recommended to Sara. And how about that tie dye! She made it.

Aragorn pretends the foal doesn’t exist, which is cute and probably right for the Head Horse, but the other horses are helpful. I really enjoyed my visit, though it sure was hot. Mornings are much better horse time, even if mine aren’t thrilled at first.

You can see gray on her face. She’s also shedding baby hair, so it’s a bit awkward.

I guess that’s it for the ranch neighbor report. It’s so hot and dry that we just can’t drum up any excitement. That’s absolutely fine with me.

Happy for My Friend

Today was special, because my friend Pamela worked very hard to get her ceramics studio showroom ready for public viewing. Today she had the official Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting for the gallery at Neeley Fine Art Studio.

The gallery is right next to her working studio, which is one of the most fascinating places around this area. And it’s all set on her family land, which is beautiful (almost visible from the Hermits’ Rest).

I usually go over there to look at plants and bugs or to load bales of hay, so it was fun to put on nice clothing and participate in the ribbon cutting.

Ruby the hound had to check out the ribbon

It was also fun to hang out for a little while with my friends and other local artists. It is gratifying to see all the support for Pamela and her work. When the community comes together, it’s a really good feeling!

It must have been the day for honoring Pamela! She also was recognized for her Master Naturalist recertification this evening! A Renaissance woman!

There she is, second from left, with other old and new friends.

When she has her official open house, I’m cooler weather, I’ll share how you can purchase your own whimsical and elegant ceramics.

My favorite is the red stuff. It’s a beautiful red.

Thanks for all your love and support, readers, friends, and family. Remember you’re all just great, exactly as you are, and you don’t have to try to be someone you’re not just to placate others.

Grateful for Little Smiles

I’ve been needing something to smile about lately, and the Universe has provided. First, I’m grateful to have spent a few low-stress days with my household members, with lots of laughs and encouragement. You can’t beat that!

Even Lee’s ice cream bucket was smiling.

Besides that, one of my niggling worries is much lessened now. It looks like I’ll have another year at my job. Such good news! I do like my job and the people I interact with, for which I am also truly grateful.

My portulaca plants are growing, which makes me glad!

I’ve watched friends being kind and supportive of each other all week. In today’s combative climate, small things like opening doors for strangers, giving tokens of affection, and offering to help someone struggling mean a lot. I can’t be specific but it’s helpful to make the effort to notice these things, and to instigate them when you get a chance!

Lee made me this image. That was nice. It’s a scan of part of a poster.

What little things made you smile today? It’s worth the effort to try to recall those moments and appreciate them. Since I take so many photos, I can share a few more with you.