I’ve been re-watching the television series Lucifer, in which the Devil comes to earth to figure out what being mortal is like, among other things. He’s all excited to get to actually feel pain.
Harvest moon tried to look spooky
Well, I’m glad it gives Mr. Morningstar some giggles. It’s not the case with me these days, nor with so many of my friends in the 75+ age group. They seem pretty baffled at how their previously well behaved bodies are randomly (it seems) failing. Why is my knee giving way? How did I get this heart issue? What the heck!
Carlton is concerned about his mortality though he need not be
I remember how weird it seemed when my indestructible Dad started to show signs of age. Maybe it was good he passed at 80, before his body stopped being so robust. That would have been hard on him.
I’m musing about this because my digestive system, the one inextricably linked to my anxiety and stress, has not been cooperating with me. I was pretty much out of commission today, and I don’t know which of many possibilities caused it. I ended up taking a nap in the cool motorhome after work.
Not scenic, but cool
No doubt the horses were relieved I didn’t make anyone work today, but they got fed.
It’s just so frustrating to have your body not doing its job properly when you have plans. That’s my least favorite part of aging, the unreliability of the physical part of myself.
Nonetheless there were highlights today, the biggest of which was seeing a big Wood Stork by the creek. I thought it was a hawk at first, but the head shape gave it away. I hope we see more, and some cranes.
Stork!
That will make up for how quiet birding has been lately. I hear plenty of birds, but not in large numbers and not very enthusiastically. Maybe they’re all molting like Connie and the chickens.
The Great Egret was another non-Hawk that was in the usual lookout trees.
I will now see if I can sleep. I’ve avoided the news and have not read any depressing books.
Really. I’m tired of being tired, sick of being sick, and irritated at my gastrointestinal irritation.
Accurate representation of how I feel.
I envy people who get mild cases of Covid, that’s for sure. I do feel better in the sinus and coughing aspect, but the medications have made my digestion very sad and painful.
Bad virus, bad. Photo from Pexels.
Work was a struggle, but by gosh I did the meetings and fixed the documents I needed to fix. It’s a good distraction, really. And I can talk better, so meetings have been easier at least! If I’m better tomorrow I can get the bunch of new assignments I got started.
I’ll share some sunset views from my east-facing condo.
I’ll be better set up for healing, thanks to my friend Cathy, who didn’t get as sick as I did. She picked up helpful medicine and things that will soothe me, like bananas, yogurt, and Pedialyte. I’m sure grateful to have nearby friends!
Cathy sent me this sunset from her house (plus grand dog)
It’s been pleasant and quiet here in Breckenridge, other than lots of helicopters for a few hours. I couldn’t tell if they were construction copters or firefighters. I can’t believe I’ve rested for three whole days. I don’t think I’ve ever rested like this for so long before.
It can get better now. I’d be okay with that. But at least I’m safe and cozy with knitting and reading! And there are sunsets.
I’m no longer a Covid virgin. I guess I got it on the plane. Everyone I hung out with last week got it, too, but probably from a different source. Fun times in the Rockies!
I’d taken two tests before, because I was trying to protect Kathy. They were negative. But today I felt so awful that I picked up more tests. When I started to feel like I was going downhill, I took another test. Boom. Positive. I feel so bad for exposing my friend!
Very pissed off.
I immediately got back on Telemedicine and talked to a nurse practitioner who prescribed Paxlovid and cough suppressant. The lovely driver here took me to the pharmacy and waited for me. I was so glad to have the good masks I keep in my computer bag available. I sat in the back of the van!
My gosh that’s the fanciest medication I ever had.
The day wasn’t all bad. I got to watch a Pine Siskin feeding for quite a while, and I got to talk to both my stepsister and brother. Even though I sounded like a lifelong smoker, I talked! Luckily my brother and I texted, and that took my mind off my sinuses and chest.
These are good seeds.
Blah. I’m not going to be much fun for a few days. I don’t like being sick and I’m pissed off that I let myself get infected. Grr.
Isn’t this flower beautiful? Yellow Dalsify
Also, it rained and cooled off a bit at home. Woohoo! And I’m here, so not making Lee sick.
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
This has never happened to me. I don’t get sick often, but after sneezing and blowing my nose all day yesterday and thinking I had allergies, I realized I was actually ill during the night when I got that “feeling” you get when a virus has attacked. Argh. Being sick all alone away from home is pretty awful!
Wish I could bee (fly) well.
So rather than a nice hike, I took the condo van to the grocery store/drug store and got allergy tablets, cold/flu medicine and a Covid test. Plus fruit. That’s good for you. Thankfully, the Covid test was negative. I’ll do another one tomorrow.
Yay. Negative.
I managed to work on a project, then dragged myself to the French bakery, because I was feeling sorry for myself. I got big ole croissants.
This almond croissant was huge.
After napping, the DayQuil kicked in, and I went for a gentle, slow walk down some minor ski paths.
Nothing but beauty (and few loud vehicles)
It made me feel a bit better, but after that, I could do nothing but easy blogging and staring at Cesar Milan, who needs to come over and make our dogs calm and quiet.
Yes, there was a donkey on Cesar Milan.
Okay, I’ve gone far enough down the post to tell you the last thing that made me excited. It was Michelle Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention. Even Anderson Cooper said it was the best speech he ever heard.
The only picture I took was Oprah.
I was very excited by certain messages I heard at that convention. I liked that speakers encouraged us to all listen to each other, and that Harris promised to be President for all Americans. That was refreshing. There was some pointed comments, but there wasn’t name-calling, meanness, or blatant lying (I’m aware that both sides exaggerate).
We shall see what happens. In the meantime, remember our wild friends.
So yeah, I got excited and feel slightly less despondent about the future.
I haven’t been posting much, because it gets boring to say, “I feel crummy,” every day. But, I feel crummy still. Whatever this virus is, it’s tenacious. Now that my course of antibiotics is over, I figure things will devolve into a sinus or lung infection. But I’m telling my body it’s gonna GET WELL, in the hopes that positive thinking makes a difference.
It was cool this afternoon that the line of clouds looked like snow-covered mountains. I felt like I was visiting Colorado again, even though I didn’t get to go this year.
The good news is that Lee ordered a new printer for himself, because his kept dying once it went into its sleep cycle. Why is that good? I got his old printer, that’s why, and it’s a nice one, other than that flaw. Since I don’t need to print very often, I’m fine just turning the thing on when I need it, so the sleep cycle won’t be a problem. I can now print my own knitting instructions and maps of horse obstacle courses!
When not in use, the printer serves as a lovely stand for my sticker-heavy bullet journal, which I’m happy to say is big enough to fill a whole year! I have next year’s ready to go, too. Note that I am so sick that I managed to misspell December, in pen. Sheesh.
That makes me feel so darned independent. I used to have to email things to Lee and hope he eventually opened his email and saw my request. Now, boom, it’s almost instant. I can also scan photos or make copies. Wow. I’ve joined the twentieth century, only a couple of decades too late.
That’s about it from here. I’ll go use some more tissues now.
The height of “fall color” has arrived, and I’m really enjoying looking at it.
My view.
But oh my goodness, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! How long can a cold last, anyway? How much mucous can one nasal cavity hold? I guess I am going to find out, because I feel just awful, still.
Head toward the light, Vlassic!
I had 5 straight hours of meetings this morning, many of which required speaking and acting intelligent. That was no easy task. And before the weather gets bad again, I want to ride Apache and Drew. But I feel like crap.
Thanks, trees.
I got to wondering if maybe this is more than a cold, so I took yet another COVID test, but it just mocked me.
That’s a negative
I had been thinking COVID because I am tired and if I exercise a lot, it’s hard to breathe. But hey, a cold will do that, too. Or maybe the flu tests missed some kind of flu and I have that. All I know is I’m almost finished with antibiotics, which means I’ll probably get a sinus infection next. (Yes, I take probiotics.)
That brush pile may be ugly, but it houses a lot of white-crowned sparrows!
Anyway, that’s my whine. I am tired of being sick, even if I’m a Bad Ass, according to my coworker who sent a mug just like hers. That was a kind gesture, wasn’t it? And yes, I look like I feel. Crappy.
It hasn’t been an ideal day for anyone in my house, and I’ll just say that this is not a great time to participate in the health care system. So, no one slept last night.
There, that’s cheerful
Of course I had a 7am meeting, which ended up being the highlight of my day. And it was so pleasant outside this morning that I had visions of doing a lot of horse stuff later.
Oh what a beautiful morning
It got darker and darker outside, and I got the idea that maybe I actually wouldn’t get my new horse obstacles set up.
Maybe later.
I was writing a training outlying my head so I got the last Christmas stuff put away and added lively linens to the tables.
Some color for our beige house.
I even set up a little tea party using Lee’s mom’s china with roses on it (I unpacked something!).
The blue stuff was found in a house we renovated.
Yeah. I’d planned to write all day but got stuck. Home decorating helped me get back on track, and I did get my outline done.
This is Lee’s Bruns grandparents’ 50th anniversary china. Two big plates broke, but they were not packed real well.
As I was finishing up and getting up the energy to go mess with horses, Mandi texted from down the road. It was sleeting at her house. Oh, poop. Yes, it was sleeting here, too.
Go ahead, people still digging out of blizzards. Laugh at my tiny ice cube. (That’s it on my shoe,)
No dogs enjoyed the weather, especially the artistic Harvey. By the way, he has no more open wounds, and is shaped more like a dog and less like a burrito.
I’m thinner and have shaved spots. Brr.
Nope, these two aren’t thrilled either, and I can’t even FIND Carlton.
Alfred is fine. He’s happy that shedding season is over so I just pet him instead of pulling clumps of hair out.
I like cold.
I’ll just be flexible and glad my family are taking care of themselves. Y’all do, too. There are lots of germs and allergens roaming around right now! Maybe tomorrow I will be interesting.
I have no idea why, but I felt awful today. I was sleepy, fuzzy headed, and stuffy. It made being all brilliant and with-it difficult. Of course, times being as they are, I was sure I had a coronavirus. I took a nap and all that, and got through the day, which was long, long, long.
At least I had a winter wonderland to watch all day. Many flurries.
You know how some days all kinds of issues come up all at the same time? So I was trying to figure out a new part of the software I document, right when someone else really wanted me to edit something right that minute, and I was scheduled to try to figure out how to get Lee verified as my spouse so he can be on my insurance. With my fuzzy head, none of that was working, when the phone rang, and it was my old professor. I got scared he was sick, so I answered it, and he was like, “Hey, are you OK?” I said I’d call back when I was less unhinged.
Cute little flakes
Nonetheless, I actually managed to solve all the problems once I stopped going around and around in my head. Go Suna. I learned the software thing, found my marriage license online, had a great talk with my former coworker about our work stuff, and had a lovely talk with my former professor. It’s all okay. I even have energy to send to friends and family dealing with their own stuff.
The best news is that the yarn came to finish Ellie’s baby blanket, and I think it’s going to work out. I’m even finishing it as I go, since the darning needle I thought I ordered did not show up.
Pool equipment came!
In the meantime, I’m just striping it up like crazy and making a square baby blanket. At least I am sure it will be blanket sized and will go with the other one. It’s in softer yarn, too, Sridar Snuggly. Too bad I’m so wiped out from a very long (but good) Master Naturalist meeting, so not much knitting will occur.
More yarn
Square blanket
Starting to finish the 6-sided blanket
But hey, snow, yarn, online conversations, phone calls. I may have been stuck in the condo all day typing or interacting, but it is a fine life, with ups, downs, and cute little animals to cheer me up.
The extremely beautiful Drew.
Peeper is very happy to be out of the little cage. Pretty sure she is a girl.
As if it isn’t bad enough the heat can’t keep the house above 60 degrees, I’m not feeling well. Feverish and achy. Can’t stay awake.
To top it off, I managed to mess up my simple knitting project and had to undo 1800 stitches! Ugh!
At least I got the horses fed a LOT this morning. I’m wishing for helpers today! I think I can get some food to them. And tomorrow I assume I’ll have slept it off and will see how I cope with historic low temperatures.
Anyway, no interesting blog from me today. Sleet has started and it’s really icy. Fun times.
Please let me first apologize for making my discomfort with plane travel over the weekend appear like I think I am sick. I have no symptoms of COVID-19, and have been taking my temperature. Still just fine, as far as I can tell. I was just really uncomfortable being around so many people in the Dallas airport and sitting next to a woman who was coughing. Like I’ve said before, I’m a special snowflake who believes the pandemic is real and would prefer not to take chances. But, I’m not sick.
As it does every day, noticing nature’s beauty keeps me feeling well. These are two red-tailed hawks circling above Marbry’s Ridge.
And by saying I’m tired, I mean I’m spending a lot of energy (and rightly so, I think ) supporting friends and family who are going through really hard times right now. It may be tiring, but it’s important work, and I don’t plan to stop.
Examples and Inspiration
For example, I know how to not get overly sucked in by others’ needs, but when your close friend’s husband passes away, you can’t help but send your energy out to them. My friend Vicki was the only person who came to my dad’s funeral to take care of ME, and she’s stuck with me since we were teenagers, despite our political and spiritual differences. That’s true friendship. I’m so sorry she lost her beloved husband so soon after finally reuniting with him. True friends need to be there for each other and truly listen, so I’ll so what I can in these WEIRD times.
A circle of friends surrounding a cactus seems an apt illustration!
Coincidentally, I just read this beautiful article in the New York Times, by someone famous, but who suffers just like us.
“[W]hen people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.”
The Losses We Share, by Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, New York Times, November 25, 2020
She recently experienced a miscarriage, a devastating life passage she shares with so many of us. She shared that just having someone actually express that they care about how she is getting along was helpful and healing. And her overall point, that checking on others during this time of isolation is VITAL, is something we all need to think about.
I know reaching out is not one of my best skills, but I’m prioritizing it. I’m very GOOD at responding, though, and boy do I send out those healing thoughts (which I’ll go along with the organized religion fans and assume do some good).
This is where I send all my vibes to. Hee hee.
Another example: someone I know mentioned that none of their local friends had checked up on them during the pandemic until very recently. That hurt. It made me wonder who I should be checking up on (yes, I will call my stepmother). Who do you need to check on, just so they will know they aren’t alone?
As Meghan pointed out this morning, we need to really see each other right now, even if we’re covered up:
“We are adjusting to a new normal where faces are concealed by masks, but it’s forcing us to look into one another’s eyes — sometimes filled with warmth, other times with tears. For the first time, in a long time, as human beings, we are really seeing one another.”
Ibid.
I truly hope she is right. With so much loss and pain going around, we need each other to see us, accept us, and show we care.
A final example: a blog reader wrote me a long email yesterday, in response to one of my blog posts on Highly Sensitive People. He was worried that he was using his sensitivity as an excuse to indulge his other issues (fears of various things). Now, this man is also dealing with autism and other mental health issues, and I felt so bad to think he worried that his personality type was an excuse. I’m glad he reached out, because I think he expressed something many of us experience, which is that our thoughts or feelings aren’t good enough, or are a cover-up for something else. In reality, many people share the HSP trait, and some of them have other issues, too. It’s just who we are, and dealing with it becomes a lot easier if we accept our limitations and challenges, and work to be the best unique individual we can be. Who that man is, the way he is, is fine. No one should judge him without spending some time in his reality.
Of course, I told him this, in other words. It’s what we all should do, listen and be supportive. Everyone’s struggling with something!
Looking out my window, it’s easy to see how we feel isolated, each of us up on our own hills.
Listen to the Universe
Wow, it sure seems like the Universe is conspiring to tell me something this week. Clearly, the effort it takes to be supportive of others, to listen to what people are concerned about, and to reach out is worth it, even if it can make you tired. We’re all we have!
Just another cool hawk photo to enjoy. I like how the sun made the interesting effect. Nice to end on a note of beauty.
The Hermits' Rest 