life – The Hermits' Rest

Fowl News: Good and Bad

Not much has been going on in poultry land these days. Only Connie has been laying, so we have an ample supply of very large eggs for our cooking.

I also realized it’s her birthday, or close to it, since Heather’s son has picked up his tiny poults for this year. She’s come a long way from her start in such a fancy environment!

That was the good news. As I was feeding the fowl, I heard an odd noise, like a branch scraping against the coop. When I checked it out, I realized it was Bianca, my only chicken who survived the Great Chicken Massacre a couple of years ago. She was breathing funny. I planned to check on her when I came back.

Bianca had neck tufts and not much comb. Her eggs were true blue, which was the name of her breed.

Anyway, I went to feed the horses. When I came back to turn the water off and pick up eggs, Bianca had collapsed. Now I’m all worried she got something contagious, so I am VERY disinfected now. I’m sad to lose her. I will keep a close eye on the others, who all seem fine so far. Of course, Bianca was all perky until today. She even got out a couple of days ago and was spritely running around.

She’d never been a big layer, and hadn’t produced eggs since last winter, so it might just have been her time. But she was my oldest. Sniff.

I think I’ve had enough death this month.

I exercised both Apache and Drew to cheer myself up. I think Vicki’s work with Drew is paying off—he did well in his ground work.

I’ll be doing a lot of coop cleaning in coming days. I hope Cindy and Cathy don’t get too pestered by Clint now that the rooster to hen ratio is 1:2.

Circle of life. Etc. Plus another senseless school shooting.

Why Not End on a Professional Note?

Everything’s going okay on the career wind-down front as well as here at the Hermits’ Rest. However, I experienced something curious today in my final meeting with my coworkers. They expressed surprise that I’d finished a project I’d been working on, and that I was interested in fixing the SharePoint site up and tying up loose ends. I said, “There’s no harm in finishing things up with some professionalism, is there?”

cattle — No bull, I meant it. (That IS a bull on the right)

The project lead said she wished she saw more of that in the people that aren’t leaving, and we all laughed. Honestly, it isn’t their fault the expense cuts had to be made, and I know they are not going to have fun integrating what I was doing with the huge project they are trying to work on. Why not be helpful and help them until I can’t help anymore?

woman holding a feather — Sometimes I do wish I had the option to just fly away. (The feather was replaced where I found it; I know the rules about messing around with migratory bird feathers.)

Later I was thinking back on a couple of other jobs that ended before I was ready for them to end. I especially remember my time at the nonprofit organization, when I was trying to hold my team together while a huge rift was occurring among members. Then, in April, I was informed that my job was being eliminated as of June 1. Two months was a long time to be a lame duck employee, but we were doing a lot of online activities to support mothers and babies, and we needed to keep it coordinated. I could have just stopped, walked away, and told the organization to go screw themselves.

But, nope, I organized volunteers, worked on a transition, and tried to keep people’s spirits up. It was all for naught, but I felt a responsibility to try. And I got life-long friends out of the deal!

The job I had before this one was similar. I could see that things were changing and that I’d take the brunt of it, so I focused my last six months on getting my team supported and not having to do work they weren’t suited for. Once that was done, I was more than happy to go. I guess I just want to finish things up and support team members, even when there’s no one to support me in my work. What does that say about me? I’m a sap? I care about my coworkers? I’m professional?

I don’t know. I think what it really means is that I value people over large corporations and bickering nonprofits. That may be a positive or negative; it just is, I guess!

(PS: someday I’ll tell you about the time I DID just walk out on a job.)

In other news, I’ve been enjoying the new weather station Lee got me for my birthday. It’s much nicer than the previous one and can store data. I’ll still need to get my official rain amounts from the CoCoRaHS gauge, though. That’s the only one that counts in weather official-dom.

Lee also bought a steel raised bed that he wants to grow “things” in. It’s not going to exactly feed us for the next year, but it will give me a project to watch over during my non-working time…as if I need more projects around here.

Onward and upward until there’s a need to be professional again.

Job Woes of the Past

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

First, even though my job is ending earlier than expected this Friday, I’m not overly upset, panicked, or blaming myself. Why’s that? It’s because of what appeared to be a horrible failure at the time, and certainly the nadir of my working years (that’s saying a lot, since I had a couple of workplaces implode under me). I think maybe some of you readers might learn something from this experience, and since I’m retiring, I can share how I screwed up. (If I’ve already told this story, well, here it is again.)

Back when Lee and I were first together, we went through a spell of job challenges. A great long-term contract at 3M fell through because their business was talking, and all I could get were short-term gigs after that. Meanwhile, Lee also lost his job at Dell. I had two children in school, one heading to college, so it was all a bit scary.

I hit a spell where nothing was coming up, so I took the first job where they would hire me. The salary was very low, and the people I interviewed with seemed more interested in getting a body in a seat than my qualifications. But it was at the University of Texas, so I had dreams of security and a pension dancing in my head.

I ended up in a miniature cubicle in the UT Tower (where famous murders occurred) working with an accounting software package that was still housed in its original mainframe and had an ASCII UI. Two of the people I interviewed with had already left by the time I started, and from the first day on, three of the women in the group disliked me. I did my best to learn the system so I could provide help to callers, but even when I did know an answer, they told me I didn’t answer questions right. I needed to stop empathizing with users and stop assuring them their questions were legit, because this accounting software was GREAT and should only be praised for its greatness. It got more and more stressful every day, and to top it all off, I rode a bus at the crack of dawn and at rush hour going home, because I couldn’t get parking. I barely saw my family.

My office was behind one of those windows. Photo by Brixiv on Pexels.com

I kept trying, though, took extra education, got help from and assisted the one or two nice folks, then lost the only really nice coworker, who left for a better department. That should have been my hint to flee.

I remember it sounded like snakes hissing as the Mean Girls complained about me and tapped away carping about me in chats. The boss was even worse. She was some Dean of something and told me I was a big disappointment and offended my coworkers by mentioning I’d been a stay-at-home mother, but I promised to do my best to meet the decrepit accounting software support needs. It was like hell in a tiny tower. I started shaking all day. I couldn’t have done a good job if I tried.

Finally the time came for my 90-day review. The Dean just ripped me a new one, informing me how unqualified I was, how bad I was at user support, and such (they could not complain about my writing!). Here’s the worst part. Did I get up and walk out of there? No. I begged and pleaded with this awful woman, saying I needed to work or my children would lose their home. I honestly thought that is what was going to happen…I was going to fail to pay the mortgage and we’d be evicted.

It was a long bus ride home. Photo by David Geib on Pexels.com

Of course that didn’t happen. But I was so disheartened and down on myself that applying for other jobs was hell. Why would anyone want to hire such a poor worker? I went on unemployment, which at least fed us, and then, sure enough, opportunities arose. I did a bad job teaching Excel for a while (I did fine with Word–I’m not a numbers person), then started on the upswing when I got a GOOD contract for REAL money with people who became lifelong friends. But it was a SLOG getting my confidence back.

That experience taught me that no job is worth debasing yourself for. Yes, we need to work to pay bills and all that, but jobs exist. The next time someone started treating me like a pariah and making work torture, I left. Now? I’m not going to work unless it’s something I enjoy doing with people who are reasonable business folks. Mean Girls/Boys and power-hungry backstabbers won’t get a chance ever again.

I’ll write more about this tomorrow, but I’ve been touched by many kind birthday wishes. It reminds me I’m loved and cared for.

This Thing Called Life

Dearly beloved…and I’ll end my Prince quote here. I’ve been thinking about life, whatever it is, exactly. What a privilege it is to interact with our environment in these bodies, with these senses, hormones, and sentience.

These colors are incredible, even if we don’t all see the same.

Whatever it means to be alive is a mystery, which we humans have come up with many ideologies, myths, belief systems, and science to try to explain. I’m one of those humans who think there is something we can’t perceive or comprehend that keeps our illusion of life, time, physics, and all that together. I’m not even sure that all life perceives the same things, not even individuals of the same species.

That’s right. No two calves are alike, either.

So, here we all are wandering around perceiving and judging, harboring the illusion that everyone else is living in the same “world” that we are. I contend that we’re wrong about that. I’m not positive that even folks we agree with are perceiving what we think we are.

I perceive this to be a Mockingbird. But that’s just me.

It’s no wonder, then, that we keep hearing the same things said about members of our fractured culture in opposing “sides.” And they are sincerely baffled about why those “sheep” have “drunk the Kool Aid” and need to “wake up.”

Depending on how your brain chemistry is set up, you might see liberals, conservatives, Marxists, Greens, or Libertarians as making sense and everyone else is an idiot. Or worse. I’m so tired of this shit and how it’s affecting all life on this planet.

Perhaps this is why Lee dragged me out of the house to enjoy a burger and a flight of wine (and Brussels sprouts).

It’s making it harder and harder to keep placing one foot in front of the other and appreciate this amazing gift of LIFE, even though I’m going along with the Buddha in positing it’s an illusion.

The big illusion that I, and many of my generation, allowed ourselves to believe was that history was arcing toward peace, equality, and freedom to be and believe however we see fit and that we were all working towards these goals. I was pretty wrong about that!

But nonetheless, life is precious and I want to appreciate the opportunity to live as long as I’m allowed to. In this life I’m going to love deeply, cherish the planet and its inhabitants, and learn as much as I can, even though it may be unpleasant much of the time.

Hey, sometimes there’s humor! Like a cyber truck actually being used as a truck.

Mostly, I will accept with grace that a good portion of the people I share the world with want me eliminated. Yeah. People in my town who carry cards saying “Spay or Neuter Your Democrat” or post signs in their yard saying they have PTSD: Pretty Tired of Stupid Democrats.

You can get the shirt on Amazon. But don’t, for many reasons (and I’m sure there are offensive shirts with opposing views; this is an example.)

Stuff like that is why I do not intend to engage in tit for tat with these folks. We live in different worlds, and they live in different worlds from many people of similar ideologies.

I’m glad some of our worlds overlap a bit. Not everyone who voted differently from you or practices a different religion is an extremist. So many of us just want to have an enjoyable life. Somehow.

Book Report: The Promise of Unbroken Straw

I started to read The Promise of Unbroken Straw, by Ken Steele (2024) because I know the author and want to support people who are brave enough to publish their writing. I finished reading it because I was fascinated by the people and the setting of the book. Most important, Steele is a very good writer and I didn’t get annoyed by any amateur errors like you sometimes see in books you read to be nice to your friends.

Ken and his wife, Cathy, who I met in an online email group decades ago.

I’m here to tell you that if you are a fan of historical fiction, you’ll enjoy this book very much and become totally immersed in the setting, which is Oklahoma during World War II (and some of today as well). You’ll become fond of many of the folks you’ll encounter, as well, and dislike the villains just as much. There’s a lot of angst, sadness, failure, and trouble to be found, but of course some ultimate redemption.

I loved the way Steele portrayed his protagonist, Paul, as a somewhat clueless young teen who really didn’t understand a lot of what was going on around him, but kept trying his best, anyway. You can take a good lesson away from Paul, which is that sometimes what you think is happening and how you perceive events in your life may not be exactly what you think. At least Paul eventually figures that out.

The book resonated with me, because part of the drama revolves around oil being discovered on one’s property and trying to figure out what to do about it. That all played out down with my family here in Texas not so long ago, too, and the feelings are all-t00 familiar. I had a lot of empathy for Paul’s father and grandfather as they tried to do what is right but were tempted by visions of dollar bills dancing in front of their faces.

Ken took this photo of me being colder than I’d ever been in my life.

I’d recommend this book even if Ken weren’t the greatest host in Colorado, but I’m thrilled to be able to encourage all of you to check it out.

Morning Ritual Snooze Fest

What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?

Whoo-ee! What a boring question. I know that will attract readers galore. Since I did an April Fool thing on Facebook today (I said I’d given up blogging), I’ll just stick to the snooze-worthy facts.

Maybe our first winecup Mallu’s of the year will be more enticing. Look at all that pollen.

What do I do when I wake up? What most people do, I assume. First I find my glasses, phone and watch. Then. I relieve my poor bladder. Next, in an exciting twist, I turn on the coffeemaker, which Lee usually sets up the previous evening. I make sure to completely shut the lid, which he doesn’t do. That’s my contribution.

Also, the first Engleman Daisy of the year blossomed.

Then, if needed, I shower. I shower every 2-3 days so my hair doesn’t dry out. I use things that smell like roses: shampoo, conditioner, shower gel. I like roses. In summer I swim daily.

Next on the agenda is tooth brushing with the annoying electric toothbrush I hate, and flossing. Yes, I floss. If I didn’t wash my face in the shower, that’s next. I use rosewater mycellar water, however that’s spelled.

Off to the closet I go, where I determine which cutesy undies and bralette from my friends at Me Undies to wear, and which jeans, t-shirt, coordinating socks, and shoes (probably Skechers) to wear. If I wear jewelry I’ll choose that as well as glasses of the day.

Now come exciting anti-anxiety meds, turmeric, and probiotics. On Saturday I also get Vitamin D. What a rush!

Hmm, I then apply serum and facial moisturizer. If I’m going somewhere I put on foundation to cover my red face. It doesn’t cover the wrinkles, so I’m only slightly vain.

I got ducks that look like my horses. It’s done Jeep owner thing.

That covers the first 30-45 minutes. It’s followed by pouring coffee and going downstairs, where I fire up the computer, write in my bullet journal, check the Facebook, and start to work.

After an hour or two I take a walk to feed chickens, listen to birds, and check on horses, then I eat something. But that’s later.

Is anyone awake? I’m not.

Today was also just fine. The horses had their farrier time, and everyone was quite well behaved. No horse complaints.

Kathleen escaped being attacked by scorpions and was able to make dinner, so I had time to goof off and chat with the menfolk in the evening. Ah, as my high school buddy Jeff N. pointed out, every day’s a good day when you get to be this age.

Waking up and doing your routine may be boring, but yay, you’re alive!

A Mood Blanket? In 2024?

One of my friends sent me a link to a Lion Brand pattern for a “mood blanket,” which they propose as an alternative to making a temperature blanket, like I’ve been making this year (in exciting news, it looks like the most frequent high and low temperature ranges are both shades of yellow – I made a spreadsheet). They have some cute suggestions, like charting your moods through pregnancy or other interesting times in your life.

My mind immediately went the other direction, for a couple of reasons. First, if you’ve ever read this blog you’d know I am moody. It’s one of my defining characteristics. Maybe I’m even proud of it? I don’t think just ten moods would fit me, and certainly not the generic ones they suggest (sick, mad, happy, neutral, loved, etc.). I need so many more. I need excited, calm, at one with nature (or a mood that corresponds to it), satisfied, depressed, confused…many more. It would be fun to think more about what my actual moods are, but they need to include anxious (there may be entire weeks of that one), grumpy, snappy, and irritated.

Maybe I’m as moody as a muddy creek reflecting clouds.

The other thing is that things aren’t exactly going in ways that make me comfortable right now. I’m afraid I might need some deep, dark colors to stand for “victim of a natural disaster” (red for fire, blue for flood/tornado),” “afraid for my life,” “despondent due to stock market/economy crash,” or “mourning because I lost another fundamental right.” If the blanket suddenly ended, well, you’d know it was either random gun violence or an insurrection.

Stop thinking about that! Look at these cute calves and their nanny.

So, I don’t think I’ll make a 2024 mood blanket. I don’t think I’m particularly looking forward to next year.

Let’s talk about birds. That’s a safer subject!

Today I added to my series of bird pairs (before I saw belted kingfishers, herons, and caracaras). Today it was red-tailed hawks. I really enjoyed watching this couple fly around, sit in a tree together, shriek a lot, and finally fly off.

They were my birds of the day, certainly, though the fox sparrow I heard and got to add to my life list on Merlin comes in a close second.

I was going to get some really good vulture photos, because they were helping take care of a dead opossum near our trailers, but as I tried to get there, Lee’s brother was throwing rocks at them and chased them away. Oh well, they were just about done getting rid of the meat on the carcass. I just didn’t want to touch it, so I was letting them help.

Apparently the vultures were bothering him.

Life and Goodness Return

Hey, I got through one of my extra-long days and I’m not totally wiped out! I have my life back! Yep, I even woke up for my 7 am meeting at 6:45, having forgotten to save my alarm clock setting, and made it in time. Woo!

I wish I could say I spent all day watching Apache run around in circles with Camina at my side. But I enjoyed a few minutes!

I got all my work done, then had two hours of horse lessons, then a Zoom meeting. Whew. That’s a long day, but it was full of goodness. Even the weather is pleasant.

I’m so relieved to feel well enough to get all this done and enjoy myself. Apache was so much fun in our lesson, too. We are making progress and having a good time. He tries to do whatever I ask, which is fine with me. Poor guy is hot, though. He has his thick winter coat on, which makes trotting faster and slower and faster and slower a sweaty activity.

Here Tarrin is checking his muscles. You should have seen him jump! What a guy.

I’m so glad our hard work is paying off and we’re getting skills! On the other hand, Drew and I are very obviously at the beginning of our journey. We both have so much to learn, but I’m willing! There’s a lot of patience involved, but it’s ok.

Tarrin kept telling me it’s all normal and not to be upset. I really felt fine the whole lesson; I was just thinking about all the things I had to do. You know, learning overload! And Drew did reward me by walking like a true gentleman back to the trailer. This was down the path that scared Apache so much, and in the dark!

I did not mean to write another boring horse blog, I just wanted to say how great it is to be able to do things and enjoy them again! Maybe by tomorrow I’ll stop needing to blow my nose!

Life, Death, and Snouts

It being Samhain or Halloween, I figured I should write about life and death and moving on. (That’s where snouts come in.) As for life, I was happy to see a turtle head pop up in the new pond. It’s good to see it getting to support life again.

Turtle is to the left of the black leaf.

There is much new life behind us, as more calves show up. This is one of the fuzzy twins. They look like stuffed animals!

There’s death, too, as I discovered when I checked the mail. I found just the tail of a rabbit. Hmmm. I could choose to believe it got away with just a tail-ectomy.

This is also the time of year in my culture and many others, where you think of the dead and welcome memories. While I’m thinking of way too many friends who’ve recently lost spouses or parents, I’m also comforted by my own memories. My stepsister sent me these fun pictures of my dad, so I’ll put them here as an electronic ofrenda.

Much of the day today I thought about transition. The butterflies started it. The snout butterflies are still migrating, and I enjoyed watching them today as they visited flowers and grasses and did mating dances. They’ll lay eggs and make more little snouts as they head north. (I’m also throwing in a Gulf fritillary and sleepy orange — what a great name.)

Like the butterflies, we all move on and do as much as we can while we live. That’s my goal. Keep moving and enjoy my life.

Flitting!

Enjoy your holiday, whatever you celebrate.

Shiny and Strange Things, for Christi

I started work extra early today, so I got to stop before the pre-solstice sunset caught up with me. It had rained and misted much of the day, but the late-afternoon sun was shyly peeking out from the clouds. It turned the ranch into a jewel box of shining droplets hanging from every fence, blade of grass, and plant.

I walked along just wishing I had someone to share this with. Lee was up working. Kathleen isn’t here. Mandi was at work, sigh. I know the little things I was enjoying so much weren’t the kind of things a lot of people would even notice. I mean, there was also a lot of holes from hogs or something, animal poop, and normal ranchy things.

For example, I was surprised to see these kernels of corn in the middle of our pasture. Did it come out in deer poop? Did a bird drop it? I have no idea. It has to be deer corn, because no one grew corn around here this year.

It came to me that these were the kinds of things my friend Christi often posted as she looked out on her own ranch. Trees, sunsets, random cactuses, weird mushrooms, corn in the middle of the field. Tears came to my eyes, because I’d just been reading about when her memorial service would be held, fittingly enough, right in the middle of Sara’s and my lessons with her trainer friend. She’d probably get a chuckle out of that.

There were a bunch of these interesting stinkhorn mushrooms in the field today.

Well, then, I said, as my heart literally began to ache, I should share the shiny and quirky things I see around the Hermits’ Rest today, in honor of her memory and her love of this part of Texas.

I hope you enjoy how even the lowliest blades of grass became shimmering waves of diamonds in the sun today. It’s a real tribute to a shining soul. Be sure to look at the pictures up close, so you can see all the droplets.