Am I? I just don’t think I’m a grudge kind of person and I don’t think I ever was. Especially nowadays, when it’s become abundantly clear that everyone is a bit of a mess and capable of treating people poorly. Me too. So I cut the people around me a lot of slack.
I pondered this at lunch at a local park while watching blue-gray gnatcatchers flit around.
I have been angry at a couple of people and one institution (which is what comes closest to a grudge) who truly treated me badly. But for the ones I think of right off the bat, I know they thought/think their actions were the right thing to do. One I hear is now ashamed at what they said to and about me and my family. I feel no need to get back at them or make them feel worse.
Still, I’m not going to put myself in the position of allowing them to mistreat me again. I think the best thing to do in these situations is to put them out of my mind. Bearing a grudge entails thinking about the offending party too much to make me comfortable. It takes a while but it’s possible to let things go. I prefer to let the past be past, not consume myself with worrying about the future, and treasure today—the good and challenging parts.
Good parts of a day always include plants
I have to say that occasionally an old institutional grudge comes back, hard as I’ve tried to banish the word “chaordic” from my mind. The people in that organization are still among some of the most vindictive, self righteous, and divisive bunch of women I’ve ever seen (and others are among the kindest and most loyal friends on earth). Anyway, the little fringe alumnae group I still help out with has come under attack (of course by unknown parties). I could feel the bile rising in my gut. I was, as they say, triggered. I asked myself why the hell I let myself get talked into being involved again, even a little. I did NOT heed my own advice to walk away.
Not good.
I guess this is a good opportunity to test my ability to concentrate on the good and put the triggering behaviors out of my mind. Let’s see how I do.
We can all learn from mistakes and acknowledge when we were wrong. Sometimes grudges end that way.
Other times, like with the relative currently trying to cause me pain, we can realize people are unable to change, and simply let them go. You can’t hold a grudge if you no longer care.
I guess my institutional grudges keep popping back up because I can’t stop caring about the good people involved. This goes for my deep disappointment in my old church. Hmm. Maybe I figured something out!
I didn’t even need a giant slab of limestone to ponder this on!
Thanks to the blog prompt folks for making me think this through.
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
I haven’t traveled all that much. My parents could not afford it, and neither could I when I was younger and living on grad student pay. I got to drive to conferences, and when I got a job, did get to see California and Boston for conferences. Most of my travel to this day has been for conferences, mostly work related, so light on sightseeing.
However. I lucked out travel-wise by marrying a European person, though, so in the 14 years we were married I got to see Ireland, England, and the furthest place I’ve ever been, Switzerland.
So here’s a story about the first time I went to Switzerland, a place I’ve never seen without jet lag (I’ve spent 3 days there, total).
The children’s dad had a work thing in Zurich, so we got the idea to all go so we could save one fare. I was to tote the children, ages one and 3 or a little less to Ireland, where he’d join us for a visit with the kids’ grandparents.
We arrived after the very long flight with small children and fell asleep the minute we found the hotel. We woke up in Switzerland morning, which was really early to the kids, but we had an idea to entertain them.
Train in Switzerland.
My older son was fascinated with trains at the time, like obsessed. So we went to the train station. So many “frains” as he called them. We took a delightful short ride and came back. The younger son woke up in time to see the giant Toblerone display in the station, so we had to get chocolate.
Who can resist?
I still remember the look on my older son’s face when he saw all those real live trains. It was pure wonder. He’d just say “frain” over and over like he was in paradise.
That’s all I remember of Switzerland other than being at the airport trying to fly alone with two little ones. Declan fell asleep in the customs line, where I had to drag the luggage and the kids. He wouldn’t wake up due to the jet lag, and I couldn’t lift him. But people were kind to us, and we ended up having a nice flight thanks to helpful airline staff. Irish people love children so much.
The other time I went to Switzerland was the only time I ever got Lee to fly with me anywhere. We landed in Basel and went directly to a boat. I didn’t see much!
I do want to say that though I am sad to no longer hear from the older child, I will always treasure the memories of him when he was small. He was very smart and hilarious. He talked at 9 month (said “moon” and pointed to it). He spoke long sentences way too early, which confused people, because he could be hard to understand with the interesting consonant combinations he came up with.
Our conversations, walks, playground time, and endless playing with Thomas the Tank Engine wooden railroads were among some of the best times of my life. I’ve also traveled very far from that safe, happy home.
Today’s prompt is something I think about often. I’ve designed a few homes and liked each, but none are my dream home. The Hermits’ Rest ranch house has a floor plan I like, but things have happened to make it less than ideal. That’s fine. Life happens!
I do like my bed
When I envision an ideal home, I quickly realize the setting is more important to me than the house. Ideally I would have:
Enough acreage that I can’t see neighbors who aren’t family
Woods, with paths
Pasture for horses and hay
A lake where one can swim, fish, kayak, and look at birds
Barn with stalls, tack room, and hay area
Horses and donkeys (reasonable number, but in Ideal World I have a helper who gets to ride with me)
Indoor horse arena
Meadow or prairie area, with paths,
A creek going into or leading from the lake
Treehouse/bird blind
Glad we get to come.
The house will feature much wood and iron. There are windows with views of the lake, the woods, and if possible, the horses, but they may be a little ways down the road.
Vaguely like this Georgia house from One Kindesign
Porches and decks to hang out on and enjoy the view are a must. There will be a little path leading to a guest house and swimming pool.
By the way, the lake will NOT feature poopy cow butts
In the house I can have all the colors and patterns I want. There will be much Jacobean tree of life prints on the furniture and walls. China, pottery, paintings, embroideries, and glassware will be wherever I want it. My beautiful dining room table and chairs will look great in the cheerful dining room.
That’s the idea! (From Architectural Digest)
I will be able to see to read in any of the many comfortable but not ugly seating areas. I’d have plants if I weren’t so bad with them.
From Veranda magazine.
My office will have Native Anerican rugs, pottery, and baskets by people I know it at least know of. I will display my silver there, along with paintings of horses and canyons and mesas. There will be tall ceilings to hold all my bookshelves, with those ladder things to climb to get books.
I could hide the shelves among Jacobean tapestries.
And if you know me, I won’t have a white kitchen and there may well be cherry cabinets. I like cherry and don’t care if it’s fashionable. I will have an induction range and cast iron cookware. If I can’t lift it anymore I’ll hire a cook.
My goodness. These things are $400 now. I’ll stick with my black 1986 one.
Bathrooms? Cheerful. Colorful. Functional. Attached to a huge closet no one will make fun of me for, with much shoe storage and a jewelry vault or giant storage thing.
I have no bathroom examples, but look, more English florals. My happy place, too. From the Architectural Digest article, “Happy Place” with photographs by Max Burkhalter. September 2023, pp. 89-101
I’ll need a yarn room or outbuilding. Then I can sew, weave, and quilt. People can hang out with me there. Yes, that will be great.
Like this, only with space for crafts.
I enjoyed imagining this impossible house. It’s really impossible because I want it not too big and in a pleasant climate. Ha ha.
If you’ve read my blog more than a few times, you know I’m easily filled with awe and wonder, and yes, occasionally brought to tears. And pretty much every time that happens, it’s something in nature that surprises me in a happy way.
I didn’t expect to see these roseate spoonbills in 2019. I cried.
Since I’m always looking for beauty around me, it’s not rare to find me stop in my tracks and tear up, whether it’s a bird that appears in front of me, a cloud formation, or discovering a doe looking at me in the woods.
I cried when I realized I was sharing my moment with this beautiful doe last May.
I just love these moments; I guess they are super-glimmers that are more than just moments of joy and can lead to treasured memories.
I’ll never forget finding a flock of storks in our pond a year ago.
Heck, I’m smiling right now, just thinking of some of these moments that brought a tear to my eyes.
Finding a turkey on our creek not only made me cry, but I think I hyperventilated
Oh good, today’s blog prompt is at least easier than yesterday’s, though I can’t complain. My interview with Anita yesterday went over very well and started interesting conversations and apparently even gave some of her old friends new information. That was fun!
Now, today I’m supposed to tell you why I blog. The thing about this is that there are so many reasons that I may end up blathering away. I really enjoy blogging, though; perhaps that’s the main reason! I like writing, especially on topics that aren’t all serious like my work stuff.
Another reason I blog is that it creates a kind of community. I’ve enjoyed reading blogs since blogs were invented, and the insights into other people’s lives I’ve gotten have expanded my knowledge about different cultures and ways of thinking. I’ve found that interacting with folks in the comments is a way to make new friends. The feedback really is a lot of fun for me.
I do love to share flowers
Blogging is also a way to keep in touch with far-flung friends and family. In the last century, people wrote letters to keep up with those they care about. I was also a big letter writer when I was in my teens and twenties, which I didn’t realize until I found a huge box of letters I’d received that were obviously in response to letters I’d written. I also emailed a lot when that came around, but I no longer have time to write long emails to everyone I want to talk to. So it’s a one-way blog blast (and I just hope those folks comment on my Facebook posts of the blog to keep the communication more two way.
Do you like weeds as much as I do?
In other posts I’ve made on this topic (which I am too lazy to look up, but I remember writing) I’ve talked about how blogging can also be a way of talking to myself, but also sharing it so I can get feedback. I used to journal but when there was no potential audience, I got maudlin and to be honest, I think I lied to myself. For some reason, I’m more “truthful” if I think there may be someone around to call me on any self-indulgent or overly dramatic crap I spew forth. There, a somewhat shameful admission from me.
I should hide like Carlton
More mundane reasons I blog are so I’ll be able to check out my pictures and memories of my travels, my work with the horses, and the things we do around the ranch (which can be challenging sometimes, because sometimes I’m not sure if it’s okay for me to share what other people here do).
I can share my old but happy Hoya plant.
It’s great fun to take photos to go with blog posts, too. I’m glad that some of my friends also enjoy them. Someday I hope phone photos look forward to a time when phone photos look a bit more like photos from a good camera. However, it will still be me taking the pictures, so you get what you get.
A tiny ray of cheer. Something is still blooming.
Thanks for reading, everyone. And yes, Mary, I do think there are more than five readers. But I’d love to hear from more of you, so feel free to comment, if you can.
Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.
Hmm, already I am wondering if it was a good idea to do this project where I answer the daily prompt for the month of September. I was stumped about who I could interview that wouldn’t take forever and would be somewhat interesting.
Then I realized I have lots of friends who are good writers, and that actually, everyone is interesting; So, I narrowed the list of possibilities down to who I figured could type fast and was bribable. Okay! So, I promised to pay to take Anita to the Barbie movie if she’d introduce herself to all five of you who read this blog!
And if you want to answer these same questions, you can be a blog post, too. It’s like the blog will practically write itself.
All About Anita
(In her own words)
My friend Anita
Where were you born? Did you stay there long?
Stoneham, Massachusetts. We left after 6 months because my dad’s mother died and he wanted to go back to Delaware. And probably also because I crawled out the front door of the house and into the front yard without anyone noticing for a good while. I distinctly remember doing this. The first, but certainly not the last, time I tried to run away from home.
Shortly after birth
Where were your ancestors from?
Scotland, England, Ireland. I am as White as White can be.
Any siblings?
I had an older brother who died in 2007 of brain cancer. On Mother’s Day. But before that, he spent a lot of time tickling me, holding me up to the ceiling, or hanging me over the toilet and threatening to flush me down, all of which I thought was great. He was a very cool guy with a dry sense of humor and great taste in music.
Share three good or funny memories of high school
Uhhhh, hmmm, hanging out with you in your bedroom, playing records and talking and writing; skipping class to go to the beach in Boca Raton; cutting up confetti and bringing a giant black sign with the middle finger painted on it in white to high school football games (of course, I got in some trouble for that; The Man also didn’t like the confetti much. Huh.).
Anita and me in high school. Nice hair!
Share the three things you liked least about high school.
9th grade English: My life was threatened a number of times by a classmate, and also the teacher was incredibly incompetent. A certain “friend” who thought she owned me. The snobbishness and rudeness of some of the more well-off kids toward those of us who were considered weirdos or were living in poverty.
High school friends we like.
Where did you go to college? What was your major?
East coast South Florida. My initial major was journalism, but the program at my upper-level school was garbage (and my time working at a major newspaper kinda ruined it too), so I switched to Film, which I loved and still love to this day.
What kinds of jobs have you had as an adult?
Somewhat boringly and consistently, I have been an editor in the hard sciences all of my career. I’ve also rehabbed some houses, one in keeping with local and national standards of historic preservation (it was a 200+-year-old house).
What’s your favorite kind of food?
I love Mediterranean cuisines. And Indian food. And sushi. And a good brownie hot fudge sundae.
Ready for an Italian dinner
Tell us some of your collections.
Oh my. Pez, CDs, old movie DVDs. Pueblo pottery, southwestern/turquoise jewelry, books about strange/controversial subjects, cacti, rocks/minerals, glass balls, magnets. diner memorabilia, oddball Xmas decorations, objects from Baltimore. I think that’s it, but I’ll probably think of more later.
Her collection of glass balls
What’s your spiritual path? Your philosophy?
I believe there is a creative force or energy in the universe not named God or Jesus or Allah or whatever. It is not an old bearded White dude, sitting on a throne, telling me I have to be good or I’ll go to hell and suffer for all eternity. I believe the world would be a better place if we could be our true selves, without all the worries, pain, and suffering society puts on us. I want to live in harmony with nature; I don’t always succeed, but I try. I will hug a tree, dammit.
Do you believe in true love?
I did once, but “life” had other plans for me. And that is heartbreaking to me at times.
Not her true love. But close.
Which of your past pets is or was the weirdest?
Wow, they have all been super-weird in some way. Fiesta, a cat I had with my ex-husband, was a complete lunatic, but adorable. Pickle, my current dog, has many, let’s call them, quirks.
Pickle, with my weird dog, Harvey
Introvert or extravert?
I would say both, depending on the situation and my state of mind. I am not a natural at parties/gatherings where I don’t know the people. I can be rather shy. But if I know you and I like you, I’m pretty much all in. I’m a strong believer in telling people you love them. You just never know when your last day together will be and you don’t want to miss the chance.
Partying
Favorite color?
Green green green all the day long. And then orange and yellow.
Green. Pickles.
Thanks so much! I love you too, my long-time friend.
For September I’ve decided to do an experiment. I’m going to answer the daily prompt that WordPress keeps asking me to respond to, and see how it fits in with what I want to talk about.
Something is blooming on September 1, at least.
So, how AM I feeling today?
Mostly I’m feeling very old. This has been a hard few weeks among my circles. Today another wonderful friend and role model, Norma, died after a valiant struggle to recover from infections. She was a wise breastfeeding advocate, a wonderful writer, and a font (fount?) of humor, especially Jewish.
Yesterday there was another loss close to our family. It reminds me of all the things that you leave behind for others to deal with. Oh please, family, pick a few things you like and auction the rest off. Just scatter my ashes around some trees. I’d like to help.
Yeah. I’m old. But I don’t feel like it. I have so much more to learn. Sigh. I hope my friends who’ve passed (as well as me) get a chance to come back and learn more. Maybe I’ll be a horse.
I still have so many cute horses to pet and tell them they’re good. (I’m doing that here, as Drew stops like a champ.)
I’m also frustrated. But that’s temporary. It was one of those days where whatever I tried to do didn’t quite work out. For example, I missed my 10am meeting, thinking it was at 11. Then I showed up a half hour early to lunch with Anita. At least lunch at the coffee shop was great!
Soup I had for lunch, and plug for the coffee shop.
And I didn’t get upset about this (on purpose, since horses can tell you’re upset) but the darned horses opened a gate and got out TWICE today! It’s no trouble to get them back in at meal time, but when I was relaxing in the pool and looked over to see Apache walking up to the chicken house, I was not amused.
Mmm. Lots of green grass over by the septic field. It’s a place I’m not supposed to take them, but they took themselves.
Note that it’s much harder to entice horses away from what they perceive as better food after they ate their rations and supplements. Still, I was very surprised to see Apache, Mabel, and Fiona come when I called. Dusty came close, so I haltered him and got him in.
I found Droodles hiding between the tack room and Kathleen’s RV, where the grass is quite nice, because it’s shady. He indicated that he’d like to stay, but accepted a cookie and a halter, so I succeeded in not losing my cool (once, a little — I’m human).
I put a bungee cord around the gate they keep opening. I’ll be interested to see how it holds up overnight.
Here’s why the horses are breaking out.
I’m sure the horses are just as annoyed with me as I am with them, because I didn’t give them a bale of hay today. That’s because as I was moving their saddles back to the tack room from the horse trailer, my wagon blew a tire. I can’t carry hay. I’ll empty the wheelbarrow and use it in the morning. I’d love to use the utility vehicle, but it’s bed is full. Woe is me, ranch lady problems. But, hey, I can now open the shipping container doors to get hay out and have figured a way to get to more bales, so I’m a semi-competent ranch lady.
I looked at this question at just the right moment. I’m not my usual disappointed but quiet self on this particular topic. I’m actually feeling nauseated after reading that a nearby university has fired professors for criticizing the Governor of this fascist-leaning state and leading a liberal arts group. Fuck that. So, here’s what I’d change about modern society:
End the encouragement of divisiveness and distrust of fellow citizens. It does indeed distract folks from what’s actually going on. Not good.
Stop the headlong slide into fascism and dictatorship here and abroad. My Goddess, World War II wasn’t THAT long ago. I remember people making fun of Germans for following an obviously crazed and dangerous leader. Why is it cool now? Just because you’re pissed off that the gays, blacks, and others who were always here now get a voice, too? It doesn’t have to be us or them. We can ALL have a right to a good life.
End gun worship. Guns aren’t your children, best friends, or deities. They are tools that improperly used by people who hate their fellow humans to kill your children and best friends.
Make lying bad again. Let’s value truth and other positive character traits in our leaders, not lies and cruelty to others.
Remind “Christians” of what Jesus actually taught or find another word for the faction that’s giving Christianity a bad name. The Trumpians do not love their neighbors, care for the least among them, or welcome people different from themselves.
Stop censorship. Period. You can share your anti-human crap all you want, but let us share our thoughts, too.
Give women the autonomy to make my their own decisions. After all, we all used to live inside someone with a uterus.
Value life. Yes, even after conception. Care for our children, our elders, those of us with special needs, city dwellers, rural people…you know, people who are alive. I still can’t figure out why protecting children ends after they are born, leaving them to be abused, shot at, or worse.
Care about the planet we live on and protect its residents. I’m not saying don’t eat food. Just treat animals and plants well and manage them in positive ways.
Other than that, everything is fine.
I’d love to just fly away to somewhere peaceful. Where would that be, though?
I know I don’t live in a place where my dreams will come true. But I’ll do my part.
Remember I care about you even if you disagree with me. I’ve been patiently unfollowing people and snoozing others. I’ve deleted comments I know won’t make a difference. But I beg you, readers, to consider that someone from a different background may not be evil, and that there are many good, kind, and morally upright folks out there that may not share your spiritual or political beliefs.
Some glad morning when this life is over I’ll fly away To a home on God’s celestial shore I’ll fly away…
Keep your beliefs and convictions. It’s your right. But. Please stop belittling others. You may be belittling someone you love.
The prompt for today was easy. I listen to things at work, but not music or podcasts. Here are the things in the background when I’m working from home:
Dogs barking. The most annoying sound. Love the dogs, not as fond of being notified every time a cow moves.
The ice maker. This went away for a while when it moved up to my bedroom (and was turned off at night) and in winter, when the residents don’t need so much ice for basic survival. It hums, whirs, and clatters along quite briskly.
Swallows. They may not be breeding, but they are still swooping into the semi-enclosed area outside my office and yelling at each other.
That’s not so bad. I like to write in quiet, so I think I’m pretty lucky.
Today, however, I worked to the sound of music on hold, as I patiently waited AT&T out. I knew if I just let them yammer on and try to sell me shit, they’d eventually realize they’d been charging me for a broken modem that they no longer service and come groveling back. I did a lot of deep breathing, attended an online conversation with friends, and just kept saying Okay when I was put on brief holds for 2.5 hours. I ended up getting refunds for the broken equipment back to the beginning of the year, no charge for my hotspot that I use in the RV because it’s no good at home, and $55 a month off our satellite tv for a year. HA!
I was so busy today the only photo I took was my fingernails.
I’m glad that went well, since I messed a bunch of other stuff up and was displeased with my lack of attention to detail. I messed up an Airbnb reservation, but if I PAY ATTENTION I can end up making money. I just need to wait two months.
Then I realized my reservation for my next Myrtle Beach trip was for only a one-bedroom condo. I was just sure it was two, because I didn’t look hard enough. There goes my visit with my stepsister, who needs a good bed. I’m gonna visit with them somehow in the not-too-distant future. Or else. And I doubt my other friends will want to visit either. Not much privacy.
There’s a reason I’m not in charge of business stuff usually. I can’t keep all the details straight.
In better news, the reason I skipped blogging yesterday was that I drove over to the ever-expanding suburbs to see my friends Susan and Brian, who were in Texas to meet their newest grandchild. That was a happy reunion. The baby was doing well and had bright, white hair. Really cool. We ate at a nearby Pan Asian restaurant. I got phô and sushi both. Heavenly.
Susan and I are trying to look friendly across a table.
Mostly we talked and talked. It was good to talk and talk in person rather than on Zoom. Susan and I are old friends with much history and much in common, so there’s much to cram in during just one meal. Brian did get in a few stories, too. It was quite cathartic. New grandparents have to do a lot of tongue biting, you know. I did do listening last night, so I’m barely sticking to my topic.
I did take another photo. Spotted Cucumber beetle (Diabrotica undecimpunctata) — a major agricultural pest.
Other than that, I’m still having trouble with the heat, as are the animals. The horses are very jealous of shade patches and are grumpy. Fiona is especially full of territorial kicks. No listening there. At least the Zyrtec is helping Apache.
It was a pretty laid-back day, so I’ll answer the daily prompt. It’s an easy one! I’ve never been the adventurous type. I’m not especially fond of trying new things. I like comfort and familiarity. That’s why I have a good imagination; I can do risky things there.
Besides, I don’t have to go far to find beauty.
As I age, this is yet another of my proclivities that has mellowed. I’m finally trying out saying yes to invitations, moving outside my comfort zone, and just taking one step forward and seeing what happens.
Do adventurous nails count?
Once again, the horsemanship experience has provided a relatively safe place to be adventurous. I learned to ride alone (until I got hurt). I then learned to communicate better with my horse. I finally trotted and didn’t die. Now I enjoy it. Maybe before Apache turns 20 we can canter together. That’s adventurous.
Apache at 4. Photo from Sara.
Sara realized that Apache, formerly known as Dingle or Dinghy, showed up at her house 14 years ago today. He was 4. I am hoping he stays as healthy as he is for a few more years! We both started our adventures together rather late, but we’re getting there.
Two things impress me about this picture of my two friends 14 years ago. One, his mane is so white. Two, Sara still wears that cap.
I think I’m always going to prefer security. My mind can go far as long as I feel safe in my home and loved by those who matter to me. it takes all kinds!
I hope this tiny caterpillar stays safe. It’s on a passion vine tendril that curled as I held it.
The Hermits' Rest 