The Hermits' Rest

Book Report: Wild Old Woman

Once again, my friend Ann thrusted a book at me and said she knew I’d like it. She’s very good at selecting reading material for me. Ann said there was a part in it about Burning Man, did I know anything about it?

It was hard to find a usable photo of burning man. This is a temple. From Pexels

Well, yes, I know people whose adult children go, and my jewelry friend got married there. And I get the concept, but never had an urge to go. Too much sand and too many drugs for me. I really hate sand and wind combined. It gets everywhere. And most of my life I avoided psychedelic drugs. I was afraid of messing up the only brain I had.

But, that’s neither here nor there. The book Ann gave me was Wild Old Woman, by Joan Maloof, a great writer about trees and nature. This memoir, more about love, sex, spirituality, and adventure, was self published this past summer.

And yes, indeed, this was a memoir that resonated with this weird old Suna woman as I’m sure it did with Ann. Bonus: I learned a lot about Burning Man, among other places. I don’t plan to go, but Maloof sure learned a lot there.

Sometimes memoirs are interesting because the writer does fascinating things or meets famous people. This one intrigued me because Maloof experienced many life changes and spiritual insights, and she reacted just like I would, for better or worse. That felt a little weird. I appreciated her honesty and openness. She’s a real, fallible human with many strengths, but who likes to examine her failings as endlessly as I do.

One of the best parts of the wild old woman’s tale (she is a couple of years older than me) comes after the narrative ends and Maloof finishes her dream journey to Bhutan. She provides two “meta” chapters that outline how the book took shape, was reviewed, and was published. I just loved how this section provides insight, especially into what’s not in the book and why.

I learned something in this section that gave me a useful new understanding about a certain kind of very frustrating relationship, one I have experienced as well. This relationship is with a man who keeps pushing her away and pulling her back, while her brain recognizes the pattern but her heart understands why he acts the way he does. It’s called a trauma bond. Here’s what she discovered:

I learned that it was more of a one-way thing. Someone alternates being kind with being unkind, and the bondee sticks around waiting for the next dose of kindness-sugar. P. 199

That explains an extremely embarrassing relationship I was enmeshed in when I was much younger. I knew the guy had issues and was toying with me, but I kept coming back, hoping for more kindness.

Maloof pointed out that her research said that the only way to get out of a trauma bond relationship is to completely cut it off. And I did that. I was in contact once more when I was older, and the person started right back in with the poor me, everyone is out to get me stories. I didn’t reply.

I’m just happy to know there’s a better word for what I went through for a few years than pathological obsession. I feel closer to closure over this regrettable and embarrassing period of my life. It’s hard to admit I could be so gullible, but I was young and inexperienced. I have worked years to forgive myself. I mostly have done so.

Sadly (in my mind) Maloof is still going through the push and pull, though distanced. Maybe it’s okay. On the other hand, she’s still living alone and free, running her wonderful nonprofit to save trees. We all have things to work on, even us chronic meditators.

Mental Health Break

Neither Lee nor I were feeling our best in the mental health department today. All the illness around us gets to us sometimes, and we’re worried about people in addition to dogs.

This Giant Swallowtail did make me smile.

We ended up not doing much other than going to get horse and hen supplies and watching comedy shows. Sometimes you need a mindless day.

Every day is mindless for these guys, who are getting along fine and enjoying their grubs.

It’s still really hot, though I honored the equinox by creating a splashy weird nail look. It’s either cool and graphic or it makes my nails look dirty. You be the judge.

I also still can’t get used to long hair.

There were no animal hijinks or injuries today other than birds and butterflies to amuse me. I saw two Wilson’s Warblers today, a first here at the ranch. I enjoy the migratory visitors, especially when they have cute little caps.

Hoping I feel more chipper tomorrow.

Animals: Always a Challenge

Lots of animal news today. They keep me on my toes!

Goldie

Lee and I were up early to get Goldie to the specialty veterinarian by 9. She was so damned good. It’s just a shame she had to have her life shortened by bone cancer.

However, the staff at the vet were great and quite encouraging. They see a lot more of this stuff than we do. The oncologist explained the options to us and stressed that since Goldie is basically healthy other than the tumor, is young, and is at a good weight, she is an excellent candidate for amputation. Another good factor is that she is already mostly walking on three legs.

Here Goldie is enthralled by the oncologist discussing her treatment plan.

Our hopes are that this procedure ($$$) will buy her many months of pain-free life. She can’t get worked on until Wednesday, so in the meantime we have good pain medicine that will also keep her calmer and less likely to try to run.

She is worth it to us. We might decide differently with a different dog in different circumstances.

She already leans more on her right side.

Apache

So, later today, I braved the heat to go work with the horses. I fed them and all seemed well until I realized Apache hadn’t come over to eat. I went up to him and saw he was covered in sweat and breathing really hard. If he were a dog, he’d have been panting. I got worried that he had colic or was overheated.

So I brought him over to the tack room and hosed him off. As soon as I started hosing, he started chowing down on the long grass the lawn mower misses. When I called Tarrin to make sure I was doing the right thing, she said he wouldn’t be eating like crazy if he were colicking. I dread having a horse colic (intestinal issues).

At least I dodged another pet sickness. I hosed him down a second time after he ate for a while, and he happily walked off to graze.

The Chickens

Finally, good news. Since I got Cindy and Cathy Cochin they’ve been sort of huddling together looking scared. They had not figured out that they could go into the coop. I soon noticed they weren’t alone, though. Bianca was spending a lot of time hanging out on the other side of the pen from them.

That was perfect! This let them get to know each other without any chicken fights. Now I just had to get Bianca in the chicken run with the Cochins. And I did!

Today I fed the hens late, since I was out with Goldie all morning. I noticed that Bianca was in the jungle half of the run, where it’s shady. She realized I’d filled the water trough for the other hens and ran out to stand next to the door. She wanted some. I seized the moment while the black hens were keeping as far from me as possible and opened the door. It only took a little chicken wrangling to get Bianca to go in there and start pecking away at the food. Soon they were all eating together. Yay.

My hope is that Bianca will show Cathy and Cindy how to get into the roosting area. They will be happier sleeping there and laying eggs in the boxes.

So, I’m at least doing okay with some animals!

Got through the Day

That’s about all I can say. I did many things to distract me from how sad Goldie is looking. I just want to get her to the oncologist tomorrow to see if there’s any hope for giving her a pain free life.

I tried to keep busy like this gal and all the hummingbirds.

Thank goodness for goofy comedies. I watched the first episode of High Potential and then three episodes of Elsbeth. They were similar premises but both very funny. It helped. TV is good for something, sometimes.

At Least It Was a Different Scary Issue Today

It’s fun waiting to see what interesting challenges pop up every day to give me practice in non overreacting and finding the humor in scary situations. Spoiler: I did fine.

Early meetings mean a chance to see pretty skies.

To start the day, the suddenly announced work meeting I was concerned about turned out to be exactly what I thought it would be. My team has quickly pivoted to embrace the possibilities of being in a different group with a different leader. So that scary issue ended up not being entirely scary, though more organizational change is coming. Good thing we’re now in change management.

The change around the neighborhood is cotton harvest. They’ve worked hard the last two days.

I’m glad I had lots of work challenges today, since it took my mind off Goldie. The other dogs are being very good to her and Harvey both.

The big scary event occurred this evening. I’m glad it ended up okay. Another spoiler I guess. Anyway, I was reading a magazine and heard Lee in the kitchen grumbling about ice. You see, our fancy refrigerator has an ice maker that dumps into a tub that slides out for you to get the ice from it. It doesn’t have an in-door dispenser. That’s one less thing to break, but sometimes if ice builds up in the back, cubes can fall behind the freezer drawer, making it not close all the way.

Usually I get the ice out, since I have small hands and am relatively flexible. But this time, Lee got annoyed, and went after the ice himself. Our guess is that he leaned hard on the drawer to balance himself. That caused the entire very large fridge to fall forward. Yes, apparently when it was installed they didn’t anchor it. Why just today I discussed contractor shortcuts at both lunches (indeed, I was at two different Mexican restaurants today).

Where was I? Oh yes, refrigerator trying to squish husband. When we heard glass shattering, both the nephew and I ran into the kitchen. I picked up giant shards of glass, so dogs wouldn’t try to eat it, since two types of broth spilled. The nephew tried to stop things from falling at first, then gave up and just shoved the thing upright so Lee wouldn’t be pinned under it.

Lee popped his shoulder out, but it popped back in, got hit on the head with food items, and has a small cut. That could have been worse.

The cleanup was icky, but we did it, and all the dogs stayed away until all glass was removed and the floor mopped. It was family teamwork at its best, and sure got the adrenaline flowing. I’m very glad I wasn’t the only one in the house with Lee tonight!

These bluebirds (part of a family of five I got to watch as the young ones practiced catching bugs) will tell you, it’s easier with helpful family!

The positive outcome to all this was that I had to take all the mess out to the dumpster right as the lovely harvest moon was rising like a big old pumpkin. I’d missed the partial eclipse last night, but the moon was just fine tonight. I got to do some healthy deep breathing while I watched it, too.

Onward to the next scary thing. I can take it!

Good night from the Hermits’ Rest family.

Dogs and Hearts

It’s just so hard to think about my two sick dogs. You know when you get one that you’ll probably outlive them, but it’s not easy to watch them suffer. Our animal companions really fill our hearts.

So mine is hurting for Harvey, like I said yesterday. He’s a little worse each day. I don’t even know what to do.

Goldie is also doing worse, so we went and got X-rays for her in College Station. She was very good in the car, but I think getting in and out wasn’t good for her leg. She’s limping way more. But we had to get her there somehow.

She was all comfy. I’m sorry for not having a giant dog seatbelt. We don’t drive our dogs anywhere normally.

The veterinarian and staff were very nice, too. They were kind to Goldie when getting her X-rays and gave me lots of scary reading material on osteosarcoma in giant dogs. It makes me wonder why anyone breeds giant dogs, knowing how often this happens. Well, we didn’t breed her.

The good news is the tumor isn’t all in the bone, just around it. And her lungs weren’t full of upset lymph nodes. Maybe we can help her?

Strangely named facility. But they had X-rays.

So we have yet another expensive trip to an even more distant specialty practice on Friday. Not we, just me, because Lee will not get up early to go to a 9 am appointment. Wow, it’s a good thing he works for himself. Sometimes you have to do things on someone else’s schedule.

Goldie appreciates my sacrifice, or would if she had any clue what that was.

I’m just upset so forgive my grumpy talk. This final visit will help me come up with a plan, as I should be able to talk to both an oncologist and surgeon. I hope I make good decisions that the rest of the family will be comfortable with.

I did find a couple of things to enjoy outdoors, watched lots of birds, and laughed at some episodes of Only Murders in the Building. I’m so glad we have streaming now, though I’m perturbed that no one has come to fix our satellite dish.

Mabel and Apache say they are more entertaining than television.

Least of my worries. Tomorrow there’s a mysterious new boss meeting, too. I guess we will know what team we will get stuck under in the reorganization aftermath. Or…

Savor the Highlights

I admit it. I’m spending some time feeling sad about how my dogs are feeling. Goldie is limping more, and Harvey has gone downhill since he couldn’t get downstairs yesterday. He seems confused about why his legs aren’t acting correctly right now. We are, too.

We still don’t know if the lump on his leg, a back injury, a stroke, or his liver issues that are causing his problems, but we are medicating him as hard as we can.

Goldie’s lump is bothering her more, so her meds haven’t done much. Tomorrow we are taking her to a facility in College Station to get X-rays and scans to see what they find. I hope that will help us figure out how to proceed. I’m thankful Tarrin is advising us, since she knows many veterinarians, and is dealing with her own dog challenges.

It was darn good to have some positive work things to balance this out with. I solved a thorny problem in a project that made me feel smart. Then a package arrived that contained my gift from my employer for being a good contractor last quarter. They wrapped it all fancy and festively, and I appreciated it. Being acknowledged for hard work is rare in contract work, so I’m not all cynical like I might be if it was more common. This was a real highlight.

Other than that, I just did my best to enjoy my animal buddies and breathe. They always make my daily highlight reel.

Morning horses and Fiona. Apache is filthy from rolling in mud.

You can’t help but smile when you have hummingbirds and calves to look at and every flycatcher in the area to listen to. Hooray for fewer flies!

Having a balance in life can help you get through challenges. I know so many of you readers are also facing challenges. This time of year seems to bring illnesses, loss of loved ones (humans and animals), and financial woes. Noticing beauty, kindness, and generosity can go a long way toward negotiating change and challenge and bring highlights to a low time.

Vlassic took a nice dip in the pool this afternoon.

I Got Over Focused

Today I got a bee in my bonnet to arrange my list of birds seen in Milam County, Texas phylogenetically. That’s how my friend Ann says most birders want to see their bird lists. Here’s the official list, which is all formal and in Latin.

I prefer informal birds, like these guys in the painting by a local artist that I got as a housewarming gift. I’ve seen all three of these, finally.

I’m not making it that complex. I’m using David Sibley’s English interpretation, which is how most of the checklists I’ve seen for state parks are organized. There are lots of variations, as I discovered when I looked all all Ann’s examples.

Here’s one example, which also tells you what season the bird might appear and if it’s unusual.

I just wanted to satisfy my curiosity about how many birds of each order we have. Once I got started, I just couldn’t stop arranging. I kept going until all the birds were arranged. I’m embarrassed to say I spent at least four hours formatting, cutting, pasting and labeling.

Here’s another example. We have lots more birds here, thanks to migratory visitors.

I sure got fixated on my list! I’ll share it when we are finished.

Here’s yet another Scissortail photo. Look at his tail!

All that concentration meant that I was a bit late getting to the horses, so I got rained on. Yes! Rain! At least it cooled down a bit. I’m not enjoying the fact that our two moderate weather weeks are over.

The heat this morning made bird watching hard. This is my best attempt at a bluebird photo.

I did find a couple of interesting plants today. I was particularly happy to find gomphrena weed on the roadside, because I didn’t know it grew here. I’d seen it before while camping. And I just thought the goldenrod was graceful.

It’s always rewarding to find something new. Living in the moment! Even when hyper focused.

A Day of Bird Fun

I pretty much spent my whole day engaged in bird activities. There was a horse hour or two and a trip to buy dog food, but the rest of the day was for the birds. I do enjoy them, probably because I don’t understand them too well.

I got no bird photos, so enjoy a wildflower, marsh fleabane.

This morning I headed out early (for me on a Saturday) and went to the Wild Wings Bird Sanctuary we are working on. Ann and Phyllis joined me as I did my monthly bird count.

We had lots of eyes, ears, and binoculars, which made finding 25 birds not all that hard. Most of the hummingbird feeders were covered in bees, which annoyed the plentiful Ruby-throated hummingbirds.

There are many new songbird feeders, too.

We practiced our Forest Walking, but didn’t immerse ourselves in it, because we were busy identifying birds and plants. The wooded area was lots of fun, but I got into something itchy.

When we were getting ready to leave, Cindy and Gene Rek brought a big box over to me. It contained two black Cochin hens. These are the big fluffy kind with pretty feathered feet. What a lovely gift!

I hope they end up liking the new housing situation. Cindy and Cathy (the hens, not people) got a bit stressed out by their day and got pretty pale and hot. They have lots of water and food now, and Lee made them new stairs to climb to get into the coop. I hope they figure it out.

Getting them settled was hard because one got out when I was unboxing them. She went under the RV and would not leave even when Lee squirted her with water. I’m thinking that actually felt good. I got her out with my official chicken net that is really a fishing net.

Feeling better, but suspicious of the water dish. They have a bigger water trough but I worried they couldn’t find it.

As if that wasn’t enough bird action, I then spent the evening blogging about the morning and making a list of all birds that have been seen in Milam County on iNaturalist and eBird. Ann wants to have a checklist people can use. I’ll be working on that for a while, but it feels good to contribute!

This friend walked by while I was doing my morning sit. It just grunted a greeting and kept going.

Birding activity was a good way to take my mind off dogs and such.

Calm Vibes All Around

This I know: if I send calm thoughts out, breathe deeply, and center myself, life’s a lot easier. It’s certainly made life with the animals better. All that nature walking really has helped!

Today I spent a lot of time with the horses. We tend to end up in a feedback loop of good vibes these days. Watching them interacting gently calms me down and me being calm makes them easy to work with. I’m very glad the period of stress and pain for us all is becoming a dim memory.

I enjoy watching them showing signs of affection. It’s mostly Drew, Mabel, and Dusty, though.

Apache seems to take his leadership role very seriously. At least he’s friendly with me. My daily hugs and exercise are good for us both. We’ve worked hard to get in synch and I can tell he’s in better spirits now.

I’ve tried giving him his medicine in gel caps. It takes away the smell, but then he goes and chomps on the capsule and tastes the pill. We will figure something out. Maybe I should stick them in bananas.

I finally got to where I could make myself clean out the chicken coop and run. The chicken killings were hard on me. But today I murdered all the cocklebur and birdseed plants that had grown up in the main section. That was a very unpleasant task, especially since it’s gotten hot again suddenly.

I also cleaned the evidence of poultry genocide in the coop building. I wore a mask, so I didn’t get sick like last time, and I used my horse poop shovel to clean the floor. It was really tricky maneuvering the bulky shovel but I managed.

There is a chance new chickens will magically appear tomorrow. I will insist on keeping them penned up. I’m not sure if Bianca will join them now that she thinks she’s a horse. Even she has calm vibes now, and she used to be a jumpy hen.

I love horse food, especially Dusty’s pellets.

No dog news. They all seem stable. That’s better than it could be, so we will keep enjoying them.