There’s a big difference between anxiety (see earlier post from today) and being anxious. For example, I’m really anxious to be able to move out of my current dungeon office at the Hermit Haus and enjoy my cozy new office over at the Pope house. That’s a good kind of anxious.
I am very tired of looking at these paneled walls, and sitting in this dim room I’ve tried to cheer up with paintings and flowers. The bird hanger will hold my purse in the new office.
I am waiting, as patiently as I can, because the floors need to be re-finished, and we couldn’t do that this week. Next week, though, baby, sanding will occur. The old floors will look really cool, and we are going to have some fantastic little touches in my office. Ooh, I’m excited, and that is helping me have something positive to focus on.
Today Chris came by the beautifully cool Pope house to pick up a very important item: the door that’s going to be the base for my new desk he’s making. While we had it downstairs, we decided to see where it will look best in the room. We first tried it lined up with the window in the center of the room, so I could walk around it from all sides. One thing that occurred to me when we did that is that when I’m in Zoom meetings, the camera will be facing the bathroom. It’s a cool bathroom, but…
You can see here how a camera pointing from the center of the desk would look into the bathroom.
It would have looked pretty good from this angle, though.
So, Chris suggested we try angling the desk. With a little shuffling around, I saw that I’d have a better view out the window, a nice view of my wood stove and interior window, and it just felt good. Plus, my computer’s camera would be looking at either the barn door and the wall, or just the wall, which will have either a bookcase with nice objects on it, or a big painting. Ahh.
Pretending to sit, I can see everything pretty, the stove, my chairs, my interior window, the door.
This is what you’ll see looking in the door. Zoom will show either that barn door or the brick it covers when shut, like it is here.
It doesn’t look too weird from this angle, either.
There’s one more decision made.
Mmm, lilacs. I assume the paint won’t smell like them.
Meanwhile, Meghan came up to us and showed us colors she’d like for her upstairs office. She wants a nice lilac color. The color she chose will look great with the dark trim that we’re leaving up there (it’s in great shape). All we have to do to get her up and running will be clean well, paint the walls, and run a 220 outlet up to the office so she can have a window air conditioner that will actually keep her cool.
Felix says that when we are ready to finish out the rest of the upstairs, it will be really easy to put in an upstairs HVAC unit in the attic. That’s for another day, though!
What’s this? We found Tubby’s sibling WITH feet in a house near the Pope house. Ooh, if we buy yet another Victorian house, we might have another project.
Goodness knows, we are living in unprecedented times of stress. But, they are also times of opportunity for positive change. I’ve actually been feeling encouraged by some events in the past week or two. Even my most pessimistic coworker had to grudgingly admit that that there ARE positive trends (though he stuck firmly to his trademarked pessimism).
Anxiety, while in a Zoom meeting.
So, why have I been dealing with an onslaught of anxiety symptoms for the past couple of days? Why was I unable to get to sleep last night thanks to pesky thoughts about potential issues popping into my head (totally unbidden; I was relaxed and ready to sleep). Why am I having my least-favorite symptom, big ole chest pains? Why is my head all fuzzy and buzzy?
The answer is that at the moment I have no idea, but I know well enough that these symptoms are a part of my makeup and that I need to listen to them when they make their presence known. It’s like, “Hi Suna, are you doing the things you need to do to maintain your mental and physical health? Is there something going on that you are choosing to ignore and not deal with? Are you concerned about someone else?”
So, I’ve been sitting here thinking about what my conscious mind may be trying to hide from me that I need to address. I know there are three family members with health issues that concern me. They’re very important to me, and it’s hard to see people you love in pain. One is getting better, but two are struggling (physically or mentally).
As I type this, AHA, I get the idea that a lot of the anxiety is about my struggling family members. In the past week or two I have tried to help out and really not had much success. So, I’ve stepped back. For one of them, matters are becoming more pressing. I know I tend to get anxious about things I can’t do anything about, especially when I really NEED to do something.
Thanks, weird anxiety friend. You have told me in no uncertain terms that I need to not keep hoping issues will go away if I don’t think about them. Some part of me is concerned and it’s causing physical symptoms.
What a good lesson this is for me, and perhaps you, too. Like I realized when the Enneagram book helped me embrace my inner sloth, the problematic parts of our makeup have a place in our whole selves. My anxiety is my messenger. I’ll listen.
Still embracing that inner sloth. Image by @jandall via Twenty20.
It’s worth thinking about what parts of yourself that you may not be thrilled about actually are serving a useful purpose. I hope you enjoyed reading how I worked out what was going on in my head. What do you find? How do you figure things out?
I just read that WordPress has come up with a method whereby you can have “premium content” in your blog. The idea is that people sign up to be a supporter of a particular blog, and for X dollars a month (or year) you get access to blog content that those poor regular readers can’t see.
Examples that I read about included recipes, photos, art, etc. Maybe a poet would write a poem just for the paid customers.
Perhaps adorable dog photos would entice followers to pay up. Hmm.
This reminds me a lot of the Patreon site, where you pledge some number of dollars in support of an artist, musician, crafter, or writer, just so that they can have some time to work on their artistic avocation and not have to hustle so much for cash to pay the rent. It worked for Michaelangelo, sort of.
Bouquet of the day? Well, I bought this for Kathleen, so mine would not look so nice.
The people I support on Patreon send out an occasional postcard, or share a drawing/cartoon just with their supporters. I’m guessing most artists get a little money each month, while ones who are very popular may get a good amount. I would assume you wouldn’t want so many patrons to please that you once again have no time to be creative.
Anyway, it got me thinking. What on earth would I do for “premium content” that anyone would actually want? Photos of the animals? Tarot card of the day? Identify a bug or snake? Honest, I am grasping at straws here. I think my little introspective creations are fine for myself and for others to read for free, but it’s not the kind of thing people pay for.
Art! That’s it! I call this “Giant peach and laptop background,” by SA Kendall
So, I’m asking: If Suna were to offer “premium content,” what would you like it to be?
Answer in the comments (or on Facebook, or in person). If the answer is “nothing,” don’t worry. I agree with you!
I’ve always been a sucker for personality tests, astrology, and other ways of categorizing people’s personalities or figuring out what makes people tick. I love archetypes, too, as evidenced by how much I enjoy tarot. I have always liked to meditate and I do a lot of reading about self-help topics and ways to lead me to get along with others better, enjoy life, and love myself. I am very aware that some of the science (if there is any) behind these kinds of things is suspect or non-existent. I happily coexist with my cognitive dissonance, and take what works from the things I explore and leave what doesn’t work behind.
When I first read about the Enneagram, back in its earlier days, I didn’t see any science in there at all and a lot of mysticism. It reminded me a lot of numerology, which I also had a hard time with (but who knows, numbers may very well have effects on us).
I picked this book up, though, because I’d heard there has been a lot of work in the Enneagram community, and a couple of friends were very enthusiastic. Plus, seeing the words “compassionate” and “self-acceptance” in the subtitle made it sound like the book would fit in with all the work I’ve done on self-love. And Brene Brown wrote the introduction!
On to the Book
I ended up getting a lot of ideas and insights, and a lot of it I credit to the author. Heuertz is very good at making the complexities of the Enneagram make sense and is very careful to make clear that the spiritual aspect of the system are way more important than identifying your type and buying a t-shirt with your number on it. (Nonetheless, I am adopting the sloth as my official mascot since my type’s main passion is sloth.)
No, we aren’t going anywhere fun or doing anything exciting together. Darn. But, it’s almost that good, at least to our ranch community: we have a closing date for the Ross house in Cameron! Next week can’t come too soon!
Our favorite tree at the Ross house.
When I got the message from the title company that it was a go, I wanted to reach out through the internet and hug Kim, but that’s not appropriate right now. We are being asked to do an in-person closing, which makes me a bit uncomfortable, but we can wear masks and hope they have a big table!
Now that we have the date, we can make our nebulous plans for the house more concrete. While Felix was here yesterday, he figured out a way to have multiple systems, so parts of the house that aren’t in use can be closed off and only heated or cooled enough to prevent mold or frost. That will help a lot.
Hmm. The address sure changes.
Now I am going to get moving and learn as much about the house and it’s previous owners as possible (the Lesters, the Mondricks, others). I’ll be talking to a lot of people I know in Cameron and looking up information on the history of the place. All those documents in the attic will be very helpful, and perhaps the historical museum will want some of them, too. I’d hesitated to mess around with them until I was sure we’d be getting the house. And I hope we are able to save and restore some of the beautiful photographs to use in the main parlor area.
Pretty sure this is Lillian.
So far, I’ve figured out that Ross Avenue is named after former governor, Sul Ross, who was born in the first house in Cameron, where the pavilion is now. I better get started talking to people.
Of course, we’ve been hearing how cool the Pope Residence is ever since we started working on it. Heck, it’s a pretty fine place, and we are excited to move into the offices. Kathleen’s in already, and Lee’s office is ready for him. We even have blinds for some of the windows (the big ones are, naturally, special order).
Window blinds, ready to be installed for privacy and light control. And what’s that above the window?
But now, the house is actually cool! That’s right! Felix and his very charming son showed up yesterday to get all our mini-splits and the regular air conditioning unit set up and running. You know that is a relief to Kathleen, since she was in there working and it was getting up to 99 F outside!
Mini-splits getting checked for how well they cool.
I got to enjoy watching Felix and son work on the system, and I was so impressed with how eager the young man (19) is to learn from his dad, and how patient Felix is with his teaching.
Installing the thermostat in Lee’s office.
We were all very happy to see each other, since it had been something like 5 years since I last saw a spindly teen, who’s now an adult!
Supervisin’ – in this case Felix was teaching his son how to measure the hole for the air conditioning filter properly.
The systems are all working great. If you ever need air conditioning work, we recommend Felix! His number is on his shirt, wink, wink.
But There’s More!
That’s not all that’s going on, however. Monday, Chris and I picked up a lot of the stuff needed to finish the downstairs at our new offices. He got to work yesterday and installed the counter-tops in the break room, which are lovely laminate, but don’t look too bad, I think, especially next to the metal wall. I was quite impressed with the angled edge that adds a wee bit more space for us, but won’t cause us to bump into the edge as we turn the corner. The hole for the sink still needs to go in and it will be ready for plumbing!
What the cabinets look like from my office door.
Looking from the back of the building.
This will be to the right of the fridge.
Another little detail that got taken care of is that the remaining tin ceiling tile finally arrived, after having to be re-ordered (it was supposed to be at Lowe’s, but no one could find it). First thing yesterday morning, Chris finished out the bathroom off my office. Hooray! Tubby has a nice ceiling to look at now.
The finished bathroom ceiling (other than a couple of trim pieces). That’s one blingy room!
Exciting New Plans
Because things are changing rapidly at Hearts Homes and Hands, the business that’s going to occupy the Pope house, our plans for the building are evolving. The original plan was for the beautiful front room to serve as both a reception/front office area and an office for the Care Manager (Meghan).
This ugly thing is the upstairs bathroom. Believe it or not, this is a huge improvement.
However, by the end of the month, Meghan will have more responsibilities that will require her to keep documents in her office that need to be protected for HIPAA reasons. That means she needs a door that locks (right now she’s in Kathleen’s old office at the Hermit Haus, which locks). There is no door to the reception area, because we wanted to preserve the beautiful woodwork there.
The lovely woodwork at left is being preserved (we have a door in the other opening; this is a photo from April).
So…we will be creating an office for the Assistant Administrator on the second floor, where a lock can be installed. The office is in a great room that looks out on trees and the balcony. All we have to do is put in a room air conditioner and paint the walls and she will be up and running!
This is the room that will be Meghan’s office, once the trim that will be put back and extra insulation is moved again.
The unfortunate consequence of this change is that poor Randy will have to move all that wood he moved IN that room back OUT to another room. That’s really fun in this heat. Not.
This office will be empty when Felix comes back and finishes the big air conditioning ductwork next week. It’s where the stuff currently in Meghan’s office goes, I think.
Speaking of Randy, he has been busy cleaning out the upstairs rooms and getting them “reno-ready.” Yesterday he removed all the carpets that were in a couple rooms. Ick.
The area where all the filing and storage stuff will go. We will remove the stained wallpaper, which extends to the ceiling, oddly enough. The stains are from a leak in the roof that was repaired.
The back room that has windows looking out to the stairwell is completely empty now. It’s destiny is to become the document storage room. State-regulated agencies generate a LOT of paperwork and much of it needs to be saved for audit purposes and CYA and all that. Since we will need to have immediate access to it, we need it to be in the building. So, the former giant closet room for the previous occupant will be storing something else.
The other side of the future storage room, which has formerly beautiful wallpaper that must come down. Those are original windows. The doors at right are my future desk!
That’s as far as we have gotten with the second floor. I’m not sure how much else we are going to do soon, since after we close on July 1, we will be working on the Ross house project, and that will be a LOT as well. More on that one soon!
It’s fascinating when things happen in different parts of your life that coalesce into one collection of insights. Right now it’s been “okay-hood” and how to cope when advice overwhelms me.
One area in which this happens for me is the issues I’d been having with Apache and his sudden backsliding in behavior. I’ve appreciated all the advice I’ve gotten from a variety of sources, very much. At first I started to get worried that I’d upset people if I didn’t do THEIR idea. Then, upon further reflection, I realized that I know the horse and he knows me. I know our abilities. I can take what I’ve heard and learned, and incorporate it in a way that works for us. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll try another thing. It’s okay!
Equine Okay-hood
For example, I decided I didn’t want to use the bit for the foreseeable future with Apache, but was willing to listen to input from Chris and Sara about other options than the halter. Sara gave me this rather sad-looking side-pull bridle (one that does not use a bit, but combines nose pressure with reins attached at the sides of the mouth) and I said I’d give it a try.
Before: a sad side-pull bridle
First I had to clean it up. That was really fun, because the dang thing turned out to be a completely different color than it was when all covered with mildew and ickiness. Saddle soap is a great thing!
I was telling Lee how glad I was that all the Master Naturalist stuff has helped me be less squeamish about bugs. I’d just seen a dead bug on the floor and stopped to pick it up and take a picture.
Cool stripes! Cool head!
We went outside (even though it was 99 F today), I checked my rocking chair for black widows, and I proceeded to look the insect up in iNaturalist. Oh, look, that one was easy! Let’s read all about it.
It’s a WHAT? It bites WHERE? It does THAT to people? It was in my HOUSE?
Nature, I love you. But I’d sure rather keep my distance from some of your creations, even if I’m a Naturalist.
If you see the eastern blood-sucking conenose, remove it from your home.
Its name is nowhere near as funny as yesterday’s grasshoppers. Texas. Everything not only bites or stings, but some of it sucks. On the other hand, I have a new thing to tell jerks: “Don’t be a bloodsucking conenose!”
I put it on my altar to represent darkness. Next to snake stuff.
Ick. So, what’s the most disgusting thing at YOUR house?
This is a different type of book review. For one thing, you can’t buy the book anywhere; I was lucky enough to receive a copy from the author.
The book comes with a free bookmark Doug and Mary made for their COVID-postponed anniversary party.
You see, Unintended Consequences, by F. Douglas Martin, is a collection of stories of the life of one of my friends from my old church. He had been sharing stories from his life on Facebook for months, and I found myself eagerly anticipating each new post from Doug. I just loved the cast of characters who went through his life, the stories of his upbringing, and tales from his fascinating career working with fish around the world. Yep. Fish. It’s fascinating, and not just to other scientists or amateur naturalists!
Apparently, I was not the only one who loved his tales, so his friends and family finally convinced him to put the stories together in a book. His wife, Mary Hengstebeck, took on the task of compiling the MANY stories, putting them in some kind of order, and adding photographs and clip-art illustrations for each story. That was some kind of job!
Sure, the book’s obviously self published, and because it’s a collection of separate stories, there’s some repetition, but that doesn’t detract from the joy of reading the tales of the amazing stuff Doug got away with doing as a child, the hilarious folks he worked with in his life, and the love story between him and Mary.
It’s just the story of a normal person’s life, but I love it. I’m still reading it, but since I read the original stories, I feel competent to say the whole book is a pleasure, and a wonderful distraction from the news of the world right now.
What This Means for YOU
Doug is just a well-educated guy who tells good stories, not a famous celebrity or politician. Still, his memoirs are a joy to read. In the past couple of days, I’ve tried to convince a couple of my friends who have led interesting lives that their stories deserve to be preserved and shared.
This katydid would not go in my memoirs, but it’s an interesting photo.
Both said that no one would care about their stories. Well, Doug probably thought his wife and children would be the only ones who would read his. Really, sharing the stories of our lives is valuable. Future historians will be happy to find details about how people actually lived in the 20th and 21st centuries, and family, friends, and interested others WILL like reading it, especially if you can write well and have lots of interesting photos.
Here’s Doug doing research at Hornsby Bend. I didn’t get permission, since this review is a surprise. But it was public on Facebook.
I know LOTS of people who fit this category. Maybe YOU are one. And even if you aren’t the greatest writer on earth, you probably know someone who can review your writing and clean it up a bit. Honest. I want to read your story.
Not much is going on this weekend. I had two good rides on Apache, and Sara helped me figure out the last thing I needed to keep progress going, which was shorter reins.
Showy grasshopper
Other than that, I’ve been watching summer insects. I’m still trying to get better photos. Perhaps I should try the real camera again.
Differential grasshopper
I did get some reasonable photos today, when looking at a friend’s garden.
Maybe a ponderous spur-throat
As I uploaded them to iNaturalist, I was thoroughly entertained by the common names of the grasshoppers. They are so creative and grand. Here are some names:
Admirable grasshopper
Ponderous Spur-throatedgrasshopper
Differential grasshopper
Devastating grasshopper
Barbarian grasshopper
Wrinkled grasshopper
Boopedon (my favorite)
Prairie boopie
Plains lubber grasshopper
Grizzly Spur-throat grasshopper
Two-striped slant-faced grasshopper
Obscure grasshopper
What cool names, huh? Maybe I’ll find some of these. And maybe someone will help me ID them.
The Hermits' Rest 