The Hermits' Rest

Cotton Picking Time

The field across the road from us was planted in cotton this year. Sometimes it’s corn or milo, bur this year was cotton. To me, it’s. The worst crop, because it takes so many chemicals to grow, from fertilizers to herbicides to defoliants.

I had been enjoying the cotton the last couple of weeks, because it made the field look snowy. I also like when it’s blooming. Cotton blossoms are so pretty.

Cotton blossom, from a cotton festival page.

I’m usually at work when they do the harvesting of cotton, but since I’ve been at home this time, and my nerves make me go for a lot of walk, I had some good times observing the harvest.

The harvesters as seen from our property.

If you know all about that, well, ignore this post. But if you think of cotton as being the thing that you take off your nail polish with or that makes up your t-shirts, you might like to see what they do to get the cotton off the plants.

There were two huge harvesting machines that went up and down, picking the cotton and putting it in giant round bales. The machines separate the cotton in the bolls from the stems, but I don’t think it takes the seeds out. I think they go to a cotton gin for that.

The machine on the right is about to poop out a bale. That is not the technical term, I’m pretty sure.

The machines must be very persnickety, because the guys brought a special pickup truck with lots and lots of tools for making repairs. They stopped to work on them a lot. But they made lots of cool stripes of brown amid the white.

See how snowy the unharvested parts are?

Once the machines poop out all the bales, a regular tractor comes along and picks the bales up, lining them up on the edge of the field. That will make them easier to take away to wherever it is that they take cotton.

I think the bales are really pretty. I was amazed at how much cotton came out of that field! It’s not that big of a field, but there is lots of white stuff there now.

I like picking up bits that blow off and looking at it. I can see how people can spin it, when the seeds are removed. In any case, it’s sometimes fun to have a wee bit of agriculture to watch. This is the only cultivated field on our entire road! The rest is cow pasture, woods, or flood plain. And our lovely ranch houses, of course.

I also enjoyed the pretty skies yesterday when I took these pictures. It’s getting cloudy now. And today’s post-harvest work involved plowing in the plants, which has created clouds and clouds of dust. It was not fun to go shut the gate with that business going on. Now I know how the dust bowl happened, plowing in all this dry weather.

Thanks for bearing with me while I avoid ranting for another couple of days.

Tired of Tiring Tire Repairs

So, I’ve had to get two new tires in the past few months, and now Lee had his own tire surprise. As he was turning onto the main road in Cameron, he heard a noise and lost ten pounds of air pressure.

He made it to the tire store before it lost all its air. We were all surprised by the photo above. How did a nut driver get into his tire? It’s so big. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something this big get it. Lee says it must have been sticking up at just the right angle. That poor man has sure had a lot of breakdowns and such lately.

At least it could be repaired. I hope it’s a good one, because I have to drive the Tahoe to Austin tomorrow so I can put stuff in it from the Bobcat house. There’s no more room in the garage for things the stager rejects.

That house has got to go on the market! I’m sorta scared to go in there in case I might muss something up.

I’d rather be with Penney running around in the empty pool.

Not really looking forward to the last two days at work. I’ll miss my desk, the courtyard, and the coffee machines.

Pool of Dreams Gets Shot

If, by any chance, you were wondering what was going on with the swimming pool project, well, it was taking a rest, waiting for the crew that makes the pool lining to be available. Today, like a thundering herd, many trucks and many workers showed up, before 8 am. The dogs have been barking since.

They need a lot of trucks, because one bunch of trucks carries the shotcrete mixture, or gunite, while another powers the machine that shoots the mixture through a hose. Actually, the ingredients for the shotcrete are mixed as they come out of the truck. There is a sand area (the sand is finely ground granite) and a concrete bin in the trucks.

What’s in the truck (through the screen)

There was a lot of preparation before all the shooting, however. They use pegboard to make the barriers to shoot against. It’s all flexible, and lets any excess stuff ooze out. That was quite cool to watch.

They brought in at least three loads of the gunite mix, and it went everywhere! Luckily they put up a barrier, so it wouldn’t get all over our back porch or windows. That did mess up Lee’s and my ability to watch them, though.

We have gotten plenty of watching in, however. The masons smoothing the stuff out are real artists and good at geometry, too. They got the hot tub in a perfect circle, and I watched as the guy made the bowl for the fire pit. It looked like lots of fun making the benches and the edges all smooth.

Scraping away – note how rough the fire bowl looks.

I was surprised to see workers sitting on the edge of the hot tub and on the “beach” area, but it turns out the stuff is practically dry when it sprays out! Our job for the next week or two will be to water it down every day while it cures.

The hot tub looks so “organic” and rounded.

But, by gosh, it looks like a “real” swimming pool now that they are done! We have steps, a tiny beach, a sitting area, a hot tub, and the fire pit structure. Wow. Bonus: Lee says they made it a bit deeper for him, so he won’t worry about hitting bottom if he wants to jump in.

There will be sanding next, then plastering with the really cool mica mixture that will make the pool shiny. And then will be the fun of tiling and putting in the decking. Plenty more steps, but this was the big one!

I hope you enjoyed a break from me ranting and writing book reports.

You Pay a Price for Being Yourself

This was written sort of without editing. I’m glad I have a place to mull over my thoughts, even ones I will find silly tomorrow after some sleep.
Suna the self absorbed (yet another put-down label; maybe that should be introspective)

I’ve been thinking and thinking about a meme I saw earlier this week. It’s one of those things that’s intended to empower and embolden women in the workplace and beyond. I used to take those things to heart and work hard to be my authentic self.

**I added: Negative: Keep pointing out problems.**

I grew up being told to be quiet, that children should be seen and not heard. I was labeled bossy, a lot, for being assertive. I asked way to many questions. When there was an elephant in a room, I pointed it out. These were not good. I was difficult.

Also, I was empathetic, tried to help others, and didn’t mind sharing credit. I asked things politely rather than barking out orders, and didn’t mind at all explaining why I wanted things done a certain way. I felt like that got buy-in and created cohesive teams. That was good, I think.

It can truly be exhausting to have to pretend you are someone you’re not in order to keep a job, keep the peace, keep your reputation, etc. And whoa, have I done a lot of all those things in the past few years. I’ve been constantly checking my Zoom camera to be sure I’m smiling and looking pleasant in meetings. I’ve deleted and rewritten so many emails, chat posts, Facebook statuses, and so on. I do pretty well most of the time.

But, damn, when you are suffering from anxiety and dealing with a lot of difficult family and work situations, you can let your real self leak out without meaning to. You can express an actual opinion, point out something that’s not right, ask if something is true or the best thing to do, use the wrong tone of voice (guilty as charged)…you know, all those things that get you labeled like the ones that are in that meme.

Can we, as women, who are expected to smooth things over, agree with what the leaders say, follow instructions rather than making rules, and all those frustrating unspoken expectations, ever, actually be ourselves? What if yourself is sarcastic? What if yourself gets tired of inefficiency? What if yourself gets irritated when told to just follow orders when you’re used to helping make decisions? (Or if you are my male spouse, your real self is tired of being told not to be so brusque. They have their own sets of expectations.)

Nope, we can’t be those selves. We have to spend years in therapy, reading self-help books, and getting sanctimonious “coaching” from our bosses, so we can meekly fit in, and only speak up when it’s time to do what we are asked to do.

So, no, I do not plan to act on the meme above. I give up. I think it’s just as stressful and unproductive to let my more prickly nature show as to try to smooth my nature out to meet expectations. I’ve thought about this a lot. I’m not going to make waves, express my opinions, or debate in work or public.

I’ll be me with my inner circle, and just do what I have to do to get by with others. I’ll make a bad impression to some and a good impression to others and it won’t matter at all, in the long run. The key is that I won’t be stressing myself out either trying to conform or trying to be my fierce self. No wonder both Lee and I are plumb tired. We’re tired of trying to matter.

I’m tired of being tired. The price of authenticity is just too high for me.

Talk about Comfortable

Today, Trixie was supposed to come and look at Apache’s feet, but Drew stole the show. I had gotten both of the horses, in preparation for her arrival, and Apache was quietly waiting for us in his pen. As we walked up, we couldn’t see Drew. Where was he?

Yep, he’d decided to just take a nice nap on the warm sand. That’s a sign that a horse is comfortable with the people he’s around. The best part is that he didn’t jump to his feet when we approached, like most horses would. As prey animals, they are always alert.

The fisr thing Trixie did was check out the big paint’s head, because it seemed sore. Drew got up and watched that intently, standing close so I could rub him. Trixie remarked that Drew really seems to be a people horse.

Apache’s feet are looking great, by the way, and he’s looking more and more normal. He even shrunk a horseshoe size. As he was being a model farrier client, I realize that I had lost Drew.

He shifted again and really fell asleep, with fluttering eyelids, and deep, deep breathing. That was one comfortable animal.

I feel safe here. It’s where my food lives.

We could not stop laughing as he kept snoozing away even when Apache was finished and left. His little lips were quivering like he was having a nice dream. Damn, it was cute.

Once we finally got him up, he got some spa treatment, as Trixie massaged his gums like she had done for Apache. We think he liked it.

He then let his front hooves get trimmed, but still was no good on the back, so Trixie is gonna come tomorrow and work on his issues again. He still walks a little. Funny, and we want him all ready and happy for training.

I guess I’m in love with both these equine wonders. My heart swells with love when I see how much progress we are making together.

Chickens and Snakes

I heard a loud noise last night from the chicken coop, and this morning I discovered something had gone after Babette. Her head is a mess, but she seems okay. In case Bruce did it, I separated her from the others, except Star, who is still setting on her eggs.

But it is not all bad! Blanca, the True Blue hen, finally started laying yesterday! What beautiful eggs she lays. Sky blue! Now we’re just waiting on Betty the Easter Egger to give us some green eggs, and Billie Idyl.

When I was out fetching the horses, I spotted this snakeskin, most likely a rat snake. It has these cool ribbon-like segments, I guess from its belly. I’m glad Trixie liked it as much as I did.

Well, this was fun. My new laptop is also a giant tablet. I typed this from my chair, with the computer flat. I am fancy now.

My Spotted Comforter

No, I didn’t get a new bed covering. I’ve just gotten so much comfort from this semi-tubby, big-hearted paint horse. Today, this guy left me feeling 100% better after yet another day of surprises and confusion.

I hadn’t been riding too much in the past couple of weeks, because I really don’t think it’s a good idea to climb up on a thousand-pound animal when you’re having anxiety attacks, even if it’s your friend.

I’m your friend. I’ll just stand here, even without a lead rope. And yes, people commonly put the bridle over the halter.

I have been hanging out with the horses a lot, though, and they’ve all acted like they cared about me, with lots of rubs and hanging out. But Apache has been so sweet. He’s always looking for me. Today, when I went to get him to ride, because I was feeling better, both he and Drew galloped up, while the others hardly noticed. Sure, they probably wanted food. But it made me feel good.

But it’s today’s ride that brought me the most comfort. It was the kind of ride I’d dreamed of my whole life. My horse and I were trusting each other, paying attention, and having fun while working on new things. Wow.

He was paying attention to me, even when he wasn’t doing what I asked. That meant it was easy to correct things and start again. We trotted and walked and made our circles. We went into the dry lot I use as a mini-arena and we did all sorts of things. He started to do what he wanted as we headed toward the pens, but I was able to get his attention and have him do circles until he was doing better. I did real ones, which I hadn’t managed before.

We then went all over the parts of the front field where he used to go wild and eat grass constantly. None of that happened. We just rode where I aimed him.

But what truly comforted me and warmed my heart was what he did before and after the ride. Before starting, I had to shew both Granny and Fiona out of the round pen, and rather than start to graze or wander off, he patiently stood where I left him. And after I got off, he waited again while I messed with my helmet and stuff, then leaned his sweaty neck against me, like he was saying he had fun, too.

I’ve got such a true and patient friend in Apache. He’s kindly waited for me to develop the confidence and skills to become partners and learn together. And I was patient while I waited for him to heal from his laminitis and hoof abscess. He’s paying me back!

And the sun sets on contented people and horses.

Yeah. Being able to find comfort and stability even amid tough changes, an endless pandemic, and divisiveness around every corner…that’s a treasure.

Book Report: Olive Again

I didn’t think I’d love the writing in a book as much as I loved Olive Kitteridge, but here I am, prepared to gush over Olive Again, by Elizabeth Strout, the woman of the bestest words ever. I keep reading paragraphs over and over, just marveling at how Strout manages to capture the inner lives of her characters so succinctly, yet evocatively. As I read her work, I am constantly seeing vivid scenes and smelling all the smells of Maine, yet she doesn’t write long, descriptive paragraphs full of endless adjectives and adverbs. Nope. She uses just enough words to do the job. That’s a writer, all right.

As always, Olive appears in each chapter, though she is often not the protagonist, and most chapters aren’t from her point of view. You get to meet many new people, as well as some of the folks from the previous book, and see how small things affect their lives so profoundly.

You learn that people really, really, don’t understand what’s going on in other people’s lives, and especially in their minds. I really needed some of this knowledge this week, as I come to grips with the fact that there are people I have known all my life who live in an entirely different reality from mine, and for whom the facts as I see them just aren’t relevant to them. It’s the same in Crosby, Maine.

Thanks to Strout, I learned many new definitions of love, too, and how it fits into people’s lives and fills the gaps in their loneliness. The point in both the Olive books seems to be that bad things happening isn’t the worst part of people’s lives, it’s a lack of connection to others. I think she’s absolutely right about that. Here’s what the character Bobby says in the “Exiles” chapter:

And it came to him then that it should never be taken lightly, the essential loneliness of people, that the choices they made to keep themselves from that gaping darkness were choices that required respect.
p. 195

If I were writing an actual book report, I’d cite Bobby’s musing as Strout’s “thesis statement.” That’s the essence of both the Olive books.

And what fills my heart with comfort is that each individual you glimpse in this book finds their own reason to keep going and to figure out their path in life. I’m going to borrow the reason that Suzanne states in the chapter called “Helped.”

I think our job – maybe even our duty – is…to bear the burden of the mystery with as much grace as we can.
p. 116

This type of spirituality permeates Strout’s writings. She sees the divine in Nature and never lets the reader forget it for one second. I’ll see her sparkling waters and intensely yellow autumn leaves often in my own mind.

This was the book I needed to be reading right now, today. I hope you pick it up and it speaks to you, wherever you are on your life’s path.

Things Have Improved, Laptop-wise

It has been a long time since I got a new laptop for myself. I’d been getting along with the one from work and a Surface, but it ended up just being easier to use the work one, since most of my stuff is web-based.

But, I realized I needed something new with the new job, because it’s not going to last all that long and I’ll just use it when I am working (maybe that will keep me from answering work email and messages when I’m not working, since I’m no longer in management).

So, I got myself another large laptop (I just LIKE the big ones), and it showed up the next day. Today I had time to set it up (and my hands aren’t shaking so much from the drama around me). I tell you what, I was really surprised to find out how easy it is now to get all up and running on a new system.

The computer just talked to me and told me what to do, then I logged on to my Microsoft and Google accounts…and boom, there was all my stuff. I didn’t have to install anything, look up a million passwords, or anything like that. Things just work. I guess they learned something from the Apple computers.

I have created an awkward corner in my office/den. but I can easily work on two different computers now!

The new screen is really nice, and I don’t have to wear my computer glasses to use it, at least for reading email and blogging. That’s nice. The camera is not as good as the fancy one I use on the other system, so I’ll probably switch that. Otherwise, I think I did a good job. I didn’t get the snazziest one, but not a generic one either. It’s just right.

I still need to find one of my many “spare” mice, or mouses, because I still hate those touchpad. But, I do have the touch screen option, and I love those. Oh, and I temporarily made myself an el-shaped desk, using my sad old secretary. Eventually I’m going to have a better two-computer setup, but this will do!

Now, to go deal with stuff. Honest, I’m not even the one dealing with the stuff. I’m really, really grateful for family and friends right now.

Weirdest Day Ever

Sure, it’s been a weird couple of weeks for me. I’ve not shared most of it. Lots isn’t mine to share. But today. Wow. I literally was left with my mouth hanging open a couple of times.

I spent some time on the porch sorta glazed over, watching hummingbirds. They are monotone, because that’s how I feel.

I got a new laptop of my own, so I won’t be relying on work machines, but I’m so un confident in myself that I’ll wait until tomorrow to get it going. I am just zonked.

So, here are some plants.

And look, a baby water snake and fish I need to rescue, once my brain engages again.

But wait. I did get to laugh last night. Mandi and I were talking to Lee on the porch, and Goldie got thirsty. She did her usual drinking method, where she buries her head and blows bubbles. We were so humor starved that we just laughed and laughed. Here’s Goldie today, though I couldn’t get a shot with bubbles.

See, even the weirdest day ever isn’t all bad. That’s worth remembering.

I Have a New Shadow

A cute quick story for today. You see, Kathleen went on a quick trip, and I agreed to feed her old lady horse, Granny (formerly known as Amaretto). Granny’s teeth don’t work well anymore, so she can’t grind up grass enough to swallow it. Thus, she needs her high-calorie food twice a day!

Granny is currently out in the yard so she can suck some grass and spit it out (it’s called quidding). It’s also because she HATES being confined to her pen and paces around nervously.

She gets darned excited when she sees a food tub, though. Yesterday, she ran up to me and I couldn’t get to her pen before she started chowing down. This morning, she followed me nicely into her pen. Since then, every time I go out, she trots up for pets, then follows me wherever I go, at a very polite distance, like a well-trained horse.

She was right with me every step when I was setting up Apache’s schooling patterns, which made me laugh and laugh. I did put her in my pen while I was riding.

But the best thing was when I went to go back into the house. I figured she’d drop off and start grazing before I got there. But no, I heard her clip-clopping on the driveway. When I got to the front door this is what I saw.

No, she could not, because part of her old lady issues includes peeing a lot, all the time. But you know what? It’s nice having her around. She can’t kick and bite the other horses this way, but she gets lots of human love on her skinny frame. We will take care of her as long as possible, too. Kathleen has her closely monitored by veterinarians.

Hey. Can I come in the tack room? My food is there.

And I’ve learned what quidding is!