work – The Hermits' Rest

Sixty-eight Feels Great

I think I’ve gained five pounds tonight, but it was sure fun! In fact, I woke up with a good mood and it lasted all day, which is an atypical way for me to spend a birthday.

Usually I set expectations low for these yearly events. I’m awful at doing things for other people on their birthday, and don’t expect anything for mine. But today I knew I was getting this great meal and Lee had brought me all those plants yesterday, so I was happy as I could be.

Forgot to show the fancy ginger plant yesterday.

I had to do a webinar this morning, but I was prepared and it all went fine. I even edited the recording, uploaded it, and shared it before lunchtime. What a worker, huh? That efficiency enabled me to take a nice walk at lunchtime, where I had a great time photographing all the new wildflowers. They were another gift!

The rest of the work day featured writing and writing, then problem-solving with my peers. A good challenge makes the day go faster! See, I really was in an uncharacteristically good mood.

Cheerful double dianthus blossom. Cultivar.

It was indeed a pleasure to get to run out and play with the animals after work. After feeding and exercising horses, Kathleen and I walked Dusty and Apache around the horse trails (newly mowed). Both behaved very well and seemed to have as much fun as we did. It’s ice to see Dusty getting out.

Yep, fun day. It was made more fun by all the nice people who texted, called, posted on Facebook, and otherwise sent kind birthday greetings. It’s always a highlight to hear from people I’ve know from all my wild and crazy (and boring and bitchy) stages of my life. I just kept smiling and having great memories.

I feel like I’ve crawled out of a deep hole and glimpsed the sun. Sure, I may have to duck back down, but having fewer concerns weighing on my mind is a welcome respite.

Yellow flowers always bring a smile, even simple wood sorrel.

Whatever you were doing today, I hope it had moments that made you smile.

Work and Life, Balanced

I must congratulate myself for creating such a pleasant outdoor workspace today at our campsite that I didn’t have to move inside at all. I guess I should thank Mother Nature for providing pleasant temperatures and no crazy winds.

The portable table makes a great and spacious desk. I could watch Cardinals and Carolina Wrens bopping around while I listened to meetings. And thanks to the awning, I was in shade most of the day. It helped that I didn’t need two monitors for anything today.

I took a short walk in the morning and was able to get photos of a few more birds, some of whom I’ve been hearing but not seeing. The light was bad, but I could tell what they were!

Lunch hour gave me time for another walk at 2 pm (lunch Pacific Time). I enjoyed shady paths and some ups and downs. The highlight was finding the incredibly beautiful cream wild indigo (Baptisia leucophaea). The blossoms are breathtaking.

Leaf-cutter ants decorated with juniper berries rather than leaves

I couldn’t NOT go look at the waterfowl, but I mostly watched ducks dabble and dowitchers dig. Dandy! The Ibises were also present.

I worked pretty late so that was it for hiking. I still got 10,000 steps, and the big camera gave my arms a workout, too. I think I balanced work and life pretty well today. Now enjoy my “artsy” photos.

A Significant Milestone

It was a different kind of day, all around. I’m at a campground and I didn’t even go for a walk. Too busy working and thinking. I did go out to dinner at the scenic Bush’s Fried Chicken in Brenham, Texas. When we celebrate, we go all out.

That is supposed to be 8 fried chicken livers but I think it was more. So good with okra. My gall bladder would not approve, if I still had one.

I did something I never thought I’d do today. I turned down a job offer that would pay more than I’ve ever made and last more than a few months. I finally made it to the point where I chose my mental health over my fear of poverty.

I’ve been heavily recruited for a job at a very large corporation doing pretty much what I do now, but with a staff. I wanted to know more about it, especially when they kept raising my potential income. I did let them know I was happy where I am, especially with the new opportunity that came up.

I agreed to interview, and that happened yesterday. The funny thing about it was that three of the four of us in the meeting had similar Teams backgrounds and were wearing nice quality zipped hoodies. It’s like we had a uniform. The other woman had a pink top, giant trendy glasses, enhanced pink lips, and very yellow hair. Her fancy lighting system kept showing up in her background. Her name was Barbi. I kept my sexist prejudices to myself.

Just thought I’d slip in a picture of my bedroom window with a crow curtain I made.

They all asked good questions and didn’t make me repeat my résumé. I gave good answers, because in my advanced years I no longer get nervous. I figure I’m interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing me. And I have so many stories of success and failure implementing this software. A good time was had by all. Much nodding and laughter occurred. That’s good. I hate a dour interview panel.

The job offer came a couple of hours later, which surprised me. I was flattered to think I did so well. I’ve certainly flopped enough times to feel like I deserve to feel proud.

So Lee and I talked about it. There was much of interest at the big corporation, but I got hints of a lot of bureaucracy. And I vowed never to be anyone’s boss again after my time at Planview. Plus, I really don’t want to still be sitting at a desk when I’m 70.

So yeah, I said no. The reasonable corporate culture where I am now, combined with the great group of smart and collaborative people I work with means more to me than money. I can see a good path towards winding down my career where I am. So I’m staying. That’s worth celebrating.

I had the television as one of my screens so could write and see my source material at the same time.

I did have a lot to do today, so I still feel needed and valued.

Tomorrow I shall be out in nature! I couldn’t leave without at least a few photos from the day.

Pushing off Retirement

I had to write a very boring post yesterday because I was busy thinking about things I couldn’t talk about. But today I can say that I’ve decided to keep working at least through the end of the year.

I know a lot of people really look forward to retirement so they can relax in their golden years. I was sort of hoping to spend a lot of time with my horse activities when my contract was up, but I no longer have a horse community. I wanted to travel, but Lee won’t fly, and my hopes of traveling with Anita have fizzled out due to sickly dog and working 6 days a week.

So I’ll keep busy doing interesting work with nice people (and TV traveling while working). I’d been recruited heavily for a job that was interesting but in an industry I’m not fond of. When the chance to gradually move to a new role where I already work came up, I happily agreed. It will be slightly different, so a good change.

I’m relieved to have some personal good news to balance other stuff out. Having some disposable income for a while longer will allow me to donate more to good causes at this crucial time. That’s what really pleases me—I can help out.

Now I must sleep. I’m in a food coma from celebratory pizza.

You Have to Laugh

I used to know someone who, whenever something odd happened, would say, “I just had to laugh.” She said it often.

I said it today when once again I was so upset by the Racist in Chief, then my job took an unexpected turn. Might as well laugh at how fleeting the sense of things being not so bad can be.

Luckily I just read an essay by a Black womanly journalist (these are pertinent to the story) who said that constantly getting caring folks riled up and feeling powerless might not be the right tactic if we want to head toward some sense of safety and equality. We need to empower our allies and friends to learn to laugh at how desperate some folks are to hang on to their perceived power and status that they do more and more ridiculous things that even their loyal minions are starting to find distasteful.

That’s what all bullies do, try to put others down to build themselves up. Or to massage their egos. I’m grateful that my ego doesn’t need fawning, flattery, and faux awards to build myself up. I just have to laugh at those sad needs of the Head Bully.

Ah, a weekend is welcome right now, so I can gear up to support my colleagues next week. My drive to rally the troops is very strong.

I’ll continue to make attractive squares in sets of nine or ten, too.

And beware that I’m prepared to call out anyone else around me who’s all proud of their white supremacy. I’ve had enough of that crap. Right and wrong are still right and wrong, and racism, homophobia, and misogyny are wrong. That’s not just for us highly educated old white ladies; it’s for everyone. (I think I’m fed up and no longer laughing.)

A Short-eared Owl was hooting when I took this photo.

A Little Good News Means a Lot

After my deep funk last night, I wasn’t all that well prepared for today, but by the time you get to be a senior citizen, you know that “fake it ‘til you make it” is a real life hack. So I hacked my way through the day and have emerged unscathed. The day was fine, successful even!

I got through my long webinar like a seasoned veteran (oh wait, I AM a seasoned veteran). My colleagues helped out with questions and I think everyone was happy enough. And I spent the rest of the day cheerfully doing my things.

And I finally heard that my contract was being extended until June, which pleases me very much. I’d been recruited by another company to do a similar job, but I was more interested in staying where I am, because it’s such a collaborative environment. So, good news there. We will see how I feel this summer about taking a break or what.

Lee and the dogs vote for taking a break.

The other factor that’s encouraged me today was that I realized I’m not waking up every day to worse and worse news in the US. It’s now like 50/50 ratio of disgusting to encouraging! I just hope we can someday go back to not being “led” by lying pedophiles and their amoral puppeteers. Feel free to disagree on your own blog!

Humor break. I set my phone down on the bed with the camera on. I noticed a camera icon on my watch and used it to take a picture from the bathroom! Nice ceiling, huh?

The weather is warming up, too. Birds are singing love songs and Apache may well be starting to shed. Between him and Alfred, the birds have lots of nesting material!

Strength Takes Energy

I have been working hard the past five years or so to stay strong, see the good in the world around me, and like myself.

Damn. That takes a lot of energy. I had to spend an hour today being my confident, most impressive self. I did very well. But once I was done, I kind of deflated.

Right now I just want to sink into the floor and disappear. I’m feeling so despondent about how the powerful abuse the powerless, how fragile friendships can be, and how hard it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My crafting compulsion kept me company. I have cute little rose gold squares to share.

Tomorrow I have to get up and lead a webinar and be kind but firm as I go over more changes in how to use the software I support. I enjoy helping folks out, a lot. It’s simply difficult to muster the energy to project confidence and be clear as I go over complex topics. Confidence, clarity, complexity. That last “c” makes the first two challenging.

I know I’m not alone in feeling burned out from trying to project hope and confidence. I say we all need to give ourselves permission to rest, recover, and recharge as often as needed. It’s not a sign of weakness!

I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning and enjoy the presentation. if not, I’ll do it anyway.

Scum, Reporting for Duty

I’ve recently learned that the current US President believes I am scum. And since he’s not a fan of lying (i.e. he seems to believe everything he says at least when it’s logorrhea-ing out of his mouth), it must be true. I think I’ll just own it.

There, I’m very blue and appear manic, though I don’t look like me.

I’m just gonna embrace my woke-i-tude even more than my usual hippie horse mom vibe. I bought shirts that shove my attitude right in people’s faces, both coming and going. I’m just gonna wear stuff like this every day. I do have sweatshirts, too.

The two-sided shirts are from dear person.co and took a long time to get here. The bottom one is from the Bitter Southerner. My other shirt from there says “radicalized by common decency.” Yeah. I’m that scary woke scum person who cares about everyone.

I’m glad I have attire to remind me to not forget my beliefs and morals. Just search for those companies or find your own radically caring slogan.

In less scummy news, I went back to work today and I was genuinely glad to see how my coworkers were doing and relieved at some good news from my perspective.

I had a late meeting so I did animal chores mid afternoon. That made the fowl happy. Darryl eats a lot, so I’ve increased their food quantity.

Apache made me laugh today. He rarely expresses strong opinions, but today he informed me in no uncertain terms that he would NOT go over our little hill on the right track. You see, Lee had started to add some dirt to it just before the front-end loader died, so there was fresh dirt on one end that hadn’t been smoothed down.

Apache was fine on left track, but when I changed directions, he pawed his feet. I asked him to keep going, so he walked to the top, turned to face me, then executed a perfect backup down the hill, stopping in the correct position to stretch his legs. It’s like he was saying he didn’t want to make a circle going down the new dirt side, but he’d happily skip to the backing up we usually do afterwards.

Here he’s demonstrating the stretch (okay, actually acting like he has to pee).

I said okay, we can do other stuff, so we trotted and cantered over poles and the cavaletti jump. Then some perfectly executed side passes on the ground were executed. I mean, I just asked once and he did it!

I went back to the hill with Apache and he enthusiastically trotted going left. But nope, not to the right. I convinced him to go once, then he decided he needed to be more firm about his wishes and gave a buck and a snort. I got the message and we finished with a little walk before I went back to work.

I think he may have believed he’d slip on the loose dirt. Or something. He’s a horse, after all.

Everything’s Okay

I’m all right. Changing medication has me a bit woozy, so I’ll be brief and list three good things about today.

I got to sit outside and work in the morning. When I don’t need the big screen, it’s nice to see the trees and hear birds.
I made the drug store clerk laugh and smile. I’m gonna make her happy to see me eventually.
Fiona knew I was feeling off and stayed by me every moment I was with the horses today. She is such a sweet animal.

That will do! When I’m on a more even keel, I have more things to share.

The only photo I took today was Carolina Snailseed.

My Weird Relationship with Screens

How do you manage screen time for yourself?

Look, I’ve been earning my pay looking at computer screens, well, since they were invented (though I did work as a copy editor and proofreader using pencil and paper for a while). And I was an early handheld device adopter—playing Bejeweled on my Palm Pilot was a great stress reliever during my divorce.

Red pencils. Proofreader tools. Photo from Pexels.

This is to say, I have a good bit of screen experience (of course I have had television since Lassie was on every Sunday). I can’t avoid computer screens as long as I have paid employment in my field of tech writing, but I can try to limit phone use. Hey! I could stop blogging on my phone! Yes! No. It’s fun.

I used one of these babies. Monochrome display! Photo from Pexels.

You’d think my nature hobbies would help me escape screens, but the phone comes with me to take all my photos. But, hooray for me, since I’ve taken to leaving my phone outside listening to birds on Merlin Bird ID, I can’t doom scroll for many hours. Weird but it works. Of course, the phone thinks I’m looking at is and racks up time that makes me look glued to the phone, but I’m not!

And of course I read a lot and do all those crafts. So I’m okay with my screen time. Oh, and I make sure not to open up my Finch self-care app more than 2-3 times a day. One can get sucked in.

Apparently I **have** used Finch every day since I got it, though.

My point? I don’t think looking at screens is a terrible problem for me. If I’m learning, earning money, interacting with friends, or seeing the beauty in the world, screens do me good. My area of caution is to not read or watch content designed to upset me or insult me. I read one or two posts a day from my incendiary friends (both left and right), then I just move on as soon as I see where content is headed.

That’s it. I just stop. Over generalizing about groups or factions? I keep moving. Mean? Skip. Blatantly wrong but not open to other viewpoints? No response. It works. Now I mostly see trees, horses, chickens, yarn, jokes, and for some reason makeup for “mature” skin (which I don’t wear). Just don’t engage unless you think you can accomplish something.

Enough of that. I would have shared how nice the spot we are staying in at Blanco State Park is, but by the time we figured out the latest issue with Seneca the motorhome and I finished working, it was dark. Ugh. The chassis battery is dead. We could recharge it by starting the generator, but that hasn’t worked for months. Have I mentioned that recreational vehicles are prone to breaking? Yes. It’s true.

So yay, we are camping with no air conditioning! So primitive! And no TV! (too dark to set up the system). No, we are just fine, other than the occasional acorn dropping on the roof.