community – Page 11 – The Hermits' Rest

Bloggers Need Topics

I don’t have a topic today. Things are going along all right, with few exciting developments that I can talk about. That’s not bad at all. We all need some mostly drama-free periods in our lives.

The best thing about today was that there were a few clouds in the sky. The heat dome is moving away at last, and we will be back to normal levels of hotness.

The grass is turning it’s normal summer brown, though, and I saw my first cracks in the dirt today.

I’ve managed to not get too hot this week by doing horse things early, when I have no early meetings, and feeding the horses in a wet bathing suit. Hey, no one can see me! And Drew likes the pool water smell.

I like the smell of fresh trough water, myself.

Mostly I’ve been going through one of my awkward periods where I express myself poorly and upset people, or feel like a fifth wheel in conversations. I know when I start feeling bad about myself that it’s time to apologize, remind myself I’m as good a person as I can be, and to remember that sometimes your best isn’t good enough.

Yes, then I need to think about Apache and how long my well-meaning efforts weren’t enough for our relationship, but with some help, we got to communicate better. I’ll just listen to helpful people about remedying my faux pas and maybe do some improvements in interpersonal relationships. Being a hermit who wants to make friends is complicated!

Let’s talk about knitting. I finished row 2 of the second unit of the giant temperature blanket and can see it was warming up quickly once May rolled around (after the black square). We got our first red squares, which are over 90°. I was thinking today that I could enter the first bit in the art contest at the Master Naturalist conference. It’s a piece of citizen science, after all. I’d have to type up a nice legend and explanation.

One more piece is f good news is a volunteer tomato plant. It’s with the squash behind the chicken house. Just hope no one mows it! I keep forgetting to mark the “plants” as opposed to cockleburs.

I hope you’re all doing well. Please know that I care about you all, appreciate your feedback, and love hearing your own stories.

Pride, the Good Kind

I’m feeling a lot of pride, but not the kind that “goeth before a fall.” My heart is swelling with pride for two reasons.

First, I talked yesterday about how my next-door horse and rider friends, Sara and Aragorn, had a hard time with the dressage portion of their show yesterday. The only pair they beat were the ones that got disqualified (not to worry, the rider did amazing on her other horse). I was so impressed with how Sara handled Aragorn’s disinclination to canter. Her plan was to see how he felt today, and try again.

And wow! They put the past behind them and seized the day today in the ease of handling and speed phases. They WON both. That made them overall champions in their class. I sure wish I could have seen them! I’m extremely proud of how well Sara came back. I knew Aragorn could do amazing things, because he had done so last week. I’m so glad his feet felt better and he did his best for his partner. I’m just thrilled.

I’m more thrilled than I look in this picture.

Who else am I proud of? My chubby, spotty, old buddy Apache. Like Aragorn did for Sara, Apache did his very best for me today as we filmed our Spring virtual show. Bear in mind that Apache is not as far along in his journey as Aragorn, so his very best isn’t glorious perfection; it’s improvement. And my equine partner did the best he could. There were lots of challenges, like gates, carrying flags, and doing complicated turns holding said flag. Oh, and doing three turns around barrels with me holding a giant pole. Heck, he almost sidepassed competently. Almost.

While not doing the show, he actually played in a puddle. Then he did a perfect jump! With me on him! Tarrin heard it, so I have verification. I’m very proud of his effort.

Now, by the time I got to Tarrin’s I was a bit flustered. We were quite late thanks to flat tires, running out of gas, and Lee not feeling great. And it’s getting HOT. But, I coped. I am damn sure I could have done better with practice, but for someone not used to using one rein I did okay. We managed to go through a gate going both ways, too. It wasn’t great form, but we didn’t knock anything over!

And I didn’t pass out, because I was hydrated.

I’ll admit to being proud of myself on the Functionality test. I did way better remembering it and actually enjoyed it. I’m improving, too. I smiled!

Truly, though, Apache was so relaxed and willing to try whatever I asked him that I had to be proud. I think we trust each other a lot more. We’re getting there! The money I’ve invested in training for myself and the horses is paying huge dividends.

Working with horses makes me much calmer, like now when I’m in Austin waiting for a root canal tomorrow.

Community, for the Win

Hey, thanks to each of you who’ve reached out about what I wrote yesterday. It sure helps you feel less alone to realize others are going through what you’re going through, and it’s gratifying to think maybe your convoluted thoughts brought comfort to others.

Today I accompanied Sara and Aragorn to a horse show in Waco. I just went to watch, which is what I do at US Working Equitation shows, because I’m not confident enough to try (and because I probably don’t have the time or funds to show in two organizations). I do enjoy watching their riders, and learn a lot from them and their beautiful horses.

There were so many horses. I had to root for the small gray horse.

It turns out that we had a conversation with one of our horse friends about what I mentioned earlier. She’s someone who freely shares her ups and downs in life, and her reasons echo mine. Talking about your challenges and how you get through them brings people together, helps them feel less isolated (in social media and in person), and helps create communities. We all benefit from finding people with whom we have commonalities. And who knew how much I’d learn from this gifted horse trainer about families, love, and letting go? You learn more than horse stuff at horse shows.

But the talented riders are darned educational, too.

The support of so many kinds that I’ve gotten through the years from my various communities has been invaluable. And yes, even on social media. The groups of folks I share with online both support me and give me a chance to support and encourage others. If you don’t have a community like this, find a group of people who share your interests. You’ll find all kinds of fascinating people, some of whom may become friends.

I consider Sara and Aragorn my friends. I had a couple of nice visits with him in his stall today.

As for the show, Aragorn was not into it today, but Sara’s attitude was great. She showed the horse she got today, and then worked to figure out what was going on. Was it the big ole insect sting he had? Was it because his shoes came off? Was it the trim she gave his hooves last night? She is going to address those potential issues for the second part of the show tomorrow.

I’m scheduled to see if Apache and I can get our act together to do a virtual show recording over at his favorite venue, Tarrin’s. Of course, we did have a big rain storm blow in this evening. We may be rained or mudded out. Whatever happens is fine. I can’t change things beyond my control. That lesson keeps bopping me over the head these days!

Again, thanks for your support and for the opportunity to provide some support in return.

Mourning Relationships

I didn’t write a blog post yesterday, because I was too caught up in an unexpected wave of emotions. I found out that another of my mentor/friends from my time in La Leche League had passed away quite unexpectedly. Mentor/friend. There’s a concept. I truly believe that everyone we get to know, even a little, teaches us something. Everyone who becomes a friend teaches us something we need to learn that will help us.

Losing Gail Moak, who was a friend and mentor to so many stunned and pained me. As I sat with my grief (when I finally got a moment) it occurred to me that what I am mourning more than anything is the end of opportunities to listen to Gail, to learn from her, and to support her when she needs support.

Luckily, my mentor/friend Nancy called right about then, as I was sweeping the front porch to dissipate my feelings of helplessness, and she understood what I meant when I told her I don’t mourn the loss of life, because I know that happens to us all; I mourn the loss of a real-time relationship. Wow, I really value relationships with people I care about.

Last night’s sunset comforted me, as the Earth often does in its perspective

I think I mourn losses of friendships the same way. When the incident with our Bobcat book club happened, I ended up feeling so sad that I’d lost the chance to connect with, learn from, and support some women I’d come to think of as friends. They’re still alive, but our relationship died. It still hurts.

There’s that cliche that people always say after a loss, something like tell those you care about that you love them, or hug your family now. I can understand where that impulse comes from. My dearest wish, when it comes to my friends and family, though, would be that they are secure in the knowledge that I value my relationship with them, whatever it is, and that I will mourn it when we part, however we do part.

There’s so much we don’t know. But we do know our connections are vital for our spirits.

Just a bit about Gail. I knew of her when I worked with La Leche League, but never met her until I was asked to serve on the Board of Friends of LLL, the group for retired Leaders and supporters of the organization. We worked closely on the newsletter when I was editor, spoke often during meetings, and communicated very much on social media.

I got to know what a caring person she was, and not just about mothers and babies. She was passionate about equal rights for all people and didn’t just talk about it, she acted. I learned ways to be a stronger ally for my Black, brown, and indigenous friends from her. I saw her kindness toward the LGBTQIA+ community and felt a kindred spirit in how she expressed love and, crucially, support for people trying to be themselves in an increasingly hostile environment.

I dedicated this butterfly to Gail’s spirit

Most important, she was one of my many Christian friends who remind me that there are Christ-like ways of following that tradition where all are loved, not just rich, white males and their followers.

I just had to get all of what’s been stewing inside of me out. Writing things down always helps ground me. Life without both my friends Johanna and Gail will be hard. Both of them will leave a little black hole in Zoom meetings where their squares should be, but my heart will be full of memories of my relationships with these mentor/friends.

Thanks to all of you readers who have touched me. You DO make a difference and you have each taught me a lesson (some fun, some not so fun). I’m very grateful to you all.

Apache and Suna Try Again

As I mentioned yesterday, there was a horse show for our Working Horse Central. It was the Summer Sizzler and lived up to its name. A bit humid and hot for some of us delicate flowers, but really not all that bad.

It was a great show with many participants, including a good number of youngsters. They really did great, even when their horses weren’t cooperating. And one young woman was kind enough to lead and help out most of them. This really impressed me. That girl will be a good trainer in the future.

Here she is doing lead line on an extra cute pony. Way better than Drew and I ever did!

Apache and I did the best we’ve ever done, according to Sara. I was annoyed that I messed up the pattern in Functionality. I know we could have done better, but we each did our best. Apache did better on the Trail part, though I messed up the flag carry and he knocked over some blocks and really didn’t like the gate. Oh well. We did great trotting! Not great form or aids, but we improved.

We don’t have any pictures of me and Apache yet, because no one other than Tarrin’s son took any (Sara was helping me during the last two parts). But I took some of her. And I’m glad I did, because she and Aragorn did their best performance ever.

After their first event, I had goosebumps. It was so beautiful. She and Aragorn even got blue ribbons for this performance, over our much more experienced friend. We are all thrilled for her! Of course, our friend also did well and it was great to watch her and her horse, too. And her show outfit, which is all Spanish.

Look at his bridle decoration flying around.

The whole time was impressive. All the horses and riders have made great progress. I was so happy to see this. Tarrin told everyone this, too. It helped me see that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself!

Ribbon time. That’s our dear body worker, Jackie, with me and Tarrin.

There ended up only being two entries in our class, because another friend wasn’t feeling well and the heat would not have helped a bit. So, we’re number two this time! I don’t mind at all, because Jackie and Jambo did great. It’s so fun to watch them together.

It was a fun day other than the heat making me a bit emotional for no good reason. I’m so glad we have our community of Tarrin’s students to support each other and grow together! I feel very lucky for myself and my horses.

And we have fun. A couple of folks posted photos of their sleeping passengers on their ways home. So Sara and I shared this. I should not have let the driver fall asleep. Ha ha.

Our poor horses were certainly glad to get home. They looked pretty good, since we’d wet them down nicely before we left. I had so much nice bonding time with Apache, since he got a bit bored and agitated by himself. He was doing everything I asked of him, so it was the least I could do to walk him around and let him nibble some grass. And hey, he didn’t break any more of my toes; he just stomped on his bridle. Good boy.

Back home at Sara’s, with pretty clouds.

Here are a few random photos from the day. I hope some make you smile.

Button weed is one of the few native plants I saw at the beautiful facility.

Trimming, Literally and Figuratively

With the radio news making me nauseated today (good thing I avoided Lee’s nightly dose of depression known as ABC Nightly News), and thinking somber thoughts about the local police officer who died in the line of duty (plus a friend’s husband out doing the thankless and scary task of guarding the border down south, I just want to go hide in a soothing bubble.

That was an awfully complex sentence there, Suna.

As I had the thought above, I was reminded that Tarrin said today she felt like she was in a snow globe that was being shaken. Maybe a bubble isn’t all that safe after all. I think she and I both need a hug.

Everyone has their limits of what they can take and for how long. Most of my friends have some pretty firm limits and strong boundaries, and I appreciate that. I feel safer around folks like that! I looked around at my friends at lunch today and thought, yep, I’m safe around these people. That’s good, finding your tribe and drawing strength from them (and giving back, one hopes).

It did occur to me that I’ve been letting some more negative influences in my life get under my skin. I’m also reading and listening to sources that feed into my insecurities and reinforce things I don’t need to reinforce. What’s that thing…confirmation bias. Yes, I’m having my fears and worries reinforced, and I don’t need that.

That’s when I decided to do some trimming. I switched around my social media feed to help me see less stuff that isn’t helpful or makes me upset. I trimmed my friend list. I added some positive topics to my feeds. Believe me, I’ll still be aware of whose rights are being taken away and who’s being attacked by whom, but not quite so repetitively.

Next, I jumped into some self care, which led to the literal trimming. I got many layers of mud off Drew, in preparation to try to ride him. Admittedly, I spent most of the time picking mud balls out of his mane and chatting with him. I then took him off to do his ground work, only to quickly discover it is still too muddy. The poor guy slipped and yelped like a little kid. I felt bad for him, so we just went for a walk around the driveway. That went well until Penney barreled around the corner and surprised us both. Drew yelled and jumped away, but I successfully stayed calm and all was well.

I decided we both needed self care at this point, so I sat in my chair outside the tack room and let Drew graze on the tall grass that was mowed last week but shot back up.

The weed eater in action

I appreciated the great job Drew did in trimming around my steps and the saddle rack. He seemed to appreciate me, too, checking in a couple of times to nuzzle me. Now that’s something healing that goes a long way to bringing back equilibrium.

Thanks to Drew, a nice swim in the very full pool, and time with my family and dogs, I may not be in a bubble, but I’m in a protective cocoon of love. My wish for anyone who reads this is for you to find what nurtures and soothes you and trim away the excess as much as you can.

*yes, I’m aware an Althea is a rose of Sharon. Trying to be witty.

Encouragement and Gifts of Service

Naturally, I’m feeling a bit better today. A lot of it is because my friends and family have been so supportive and encouraging. Thanks to everyone who’s reminded me of my humanity and that there ARE plenty of folks not out there judging me (and that judgmental people’s judgments aren’t worth spending time on).

This view of where I live is worth dwelling on.

Today was productive in so many ways. I really enjoyed work today, though I have to say the interruptions were even better.

I interrupt you to share a fiery skipper on a thistle. Skippers are everywhere now that it stopped raining for a bit.

The first interruption was this guy here.

Hey, what’s he doing? (The dogs asked that a lot).

It was Brenham Iron Works coming to fix our gate, which has been beeping at us for over a year, then when we finally got it to shut, had a car push it open. Poor gate (and car). At the moment, it works!

Yay, horses can be kept in if they escape their gate again. Note that blue sky!

It was fun watching the nice guy fix it, and the company got more business when the neighbor across the road got all excited that we actually got a repair person in that she came over and got their info. They have a similar nice gate just a year or two older than ours.

He worked a long time on this. Welding occurred.

The next minor interruption was my Becker Vineyards wine delivery. I got two old favorites so I didn’t complain. A much more fun interruption was a visit from a guy who’s interested in growing some vegetables here. It sounds like a fun project, if it goes through. I’ll tell you more if it goes through. It’s just a possibility but it made me happy to just imagine it.

Picture a vegetable garden on the right?

Lee even suggested that we use our gardener friend’s expertise to spruce up the pool area and such. He’d do way better than us! Now, this is my kind of gift. A gift of service. I was quite tickled at this development.

It made my heart skip like a skipper. I think this is a female sachem. I could be wrong.

I love having something to look forward to, though I’ve learned not to count on anything until it happens. There are just so many sudden changes and pivots these days that it’s just the new normal. That’s fine! I’ll enjoy every day and see what happens! I feel so loved.

And it didn’t rain. The sun even shone for a while. For that reason I ended up just walking around and enjoying late afternoon light, flowers, and birds. I love it when the nighthawks come out. They’re so graceful. I’ll skip my bad bird photos, but do enjoy the other things I saw.

Thanks for bearing with me! I appreciate my community, both in person and online.

It’s True Nature Helps. So Do Friends

I heard a piece on NPR about the effects of nature on moods of people dealing with hard things. I have to agree that spending time in nature can help a lot. My lunch activity today was a nice walk along our road in search of peace.

This pitcher’s leather flower sure looks peaceful. What a beauty.

As I walked, I was repeatedly reminded that humans aren’t the only important things on earth and that life and death will go on regardless of whether I’m there or not. That actually did make me feel more peaceful and part of something bigger than myself.

And I was reminded that life’s full of mystery. Like what’s in this ruellia? I don’t know.

The highlight of my walk was finding dozens of black swallowtail caterpillars on one prairie parsley plant. I watched those little guys noshing away for a long time. I forgot all my sadness about community events for a while!

I enjoyed all the flowers I saw, and the butterflies. Even the trees were beautiful. What a nice break.

I didn’t see many birds but heard lots. I spotted a painted bunting by hearing it first. Um. You couldn’t ID it from this!

From the listening app I heard:

Dickcissel
Robin (rare here)
Barn swallows
English sparrow (zzz)
Painted bunting (lots)
Cardinals
Mockingbird (also pretended to be a blue jay)
Starlings
Tufted titmouse
House finch
Killdeer
Carolina wren
Song sparrow
Cowbird
Phoebe
Carolina chickadee
Common yellow throat (only saw that once ever)
Nighthawk (also saw two)
Scissor tail
Baltimore oriole (wow)

That’s a lot of birds! The vultures didn’t make any noise, but were there, too.

Not only did nature make me feel more at peace, but my friends did, too. I enjoyed my afternoon coffee with two friends, Anita and Pamela. We laughed over my high school diaries that I found yesterday and discovered were mostly in Spanish. Then we shopped at the new antiques store downtown. I was happy to see there were many customers! I got a giant piece of purple glass for my window.

It’s the wine glass-looking thing in the middle.

After that we sat on a bench overlooking the town square, wondering how we ever ended up in Cameron, Texas and enjoying it. Fun times. I’m glad for the supportive friends I’ve finally accumulated here!

Perfect spot to watch small town life go by

Topping the day off with a horse ride and swim in the pool brought balance back, at least for now. I hope you also find your own balance.

Sad Times

Wow. People just go around shooting each other and doing collateral damage. Our community lost a police officer after someone shot their wife and then shot at the officers who came after him. I’m not going into details. It’s too sad. I just feel terrible for my law enforcement friends and their families. I’m sure family members of the shooter will never be the same either. Our violent culture creeps in and makes us all feel less and less safe every day.

Kindness seems so futile against so much anger. Keep trying to listen, understand, and support even those who differ in their perspective. That’s how we can work to heal in these hard times.

We Have a Fresh New Neighbor!

Get ready to say “aww” and squeal a lot. You may recall (if you’ve been reading a while) that Sara has been working with a beautiful Andalusian mare named Sully, who was carrying a foal fathered by some famous deceased stallion. Sully belongs to our friend Trixie, and Sara agreed to take her to lessons during the gestation period.

We’ve all enjoyed having her around and have been eagerly awaiting the birth. She went back to Trixie’s recently to give birth, since Trixie is a lot more experienced with foaling.

We got word yesterday that Sully did a great job and produced a little filly (girl horse). While she got photos, of course Sara wanted to see her. And because she’s a good friend and knew I’d pout if she didn’t, she asked me to come along for the meet and greet. That way I could take pictures while she basked in the new life.

Do you have questions? I bet you do!

What does the name mean? It’s from Pali, and means to burn, or to Buddhists, to meditate. It’s a significant word for Sara, and lo and behold little Jhaya has a flame on her forehead (if you use your imagination, anyway).

Why is there light hair around her eyes? That’s a sign that this very dark girl will grow up gray like her mom. Drew probably looked similar as a baby. Horse hair colors are fascinating.

What the heck is going on with that gray beard? We don’t know! But isn’t it cute? She also has a light spot on one nostril. You can’t lose her in a crowd! From the side it looks like a Billy goat beard.

Enough questions. It was fun watching Sara marveling at the little girl that she’ll spend the next many years with. And it was great to see Trixie working with the new baby. She’s so good at it. Here are some photos of when we first met Jhaya in their stall.

Eventually Trixie and Sara got the mother and baby to go out in the little paddock outside their stall. Fresh air and soft grass were just what the mom and one-day-old baby needed. After a bit of nursing and exploring, the filly just had to move!

Before we knew it she was breaking into canters and going in circles. We may have missed her first steps, but we got to see her first run! Wow! It’s just amazing how horses can move so soon after birth, but it comes in handy for prey animals. We all just beamed at her like no horse had ever done that before.

If you’ve never run before, you will get worn out. Jhaya just plopped on the grass, got comfy, and had a little snooze. All the humans around her didn’t bother her at all, since Sully is a good mom already and would take care of her. Sleeping babies always make you say, “aww.”

While we were charmed by the new life and proud of the new mom, we did have to go home. But she’ll come here next week! Horses grow so fast. I’m glad I got to see Jhaya when she was brand new.

This visit, along with this morning’s installation of satellite internet, helped me deal with how out of sorts I’ve been feeling. I’m sure glad there are distractions like baby horses!