Sue Ann (Suna) Kendall

It’s about Time

Just a quick blog today. After a nice afternoon hanging out with the horses I realized that for the first time in months, all the equines are healthy, happy, and calm. It’s about time!

Apache now comes up every time I call, probably because he loves the feed I hide his pill in. And his appetite is normal. We must have spent 20 minutes after he ate just hanging out. He loves having his poll rubbed after some nice grooming.

And Drew is well on his way back to normal as well. I can groom him, though today he pitched a little fit before I got him groomed. The helpful bamboo stick came to the rescue. Earlier in the week he did fine. And I can ride him and get his bridle on. Whew. I’m proud that I have no trouble riding him after the fall I took. And he’s affectionate again. I’d missed that.

Not his most flattering angle. He’s not much fatter. I felt he deserved some nice grass after all his ground work today (the riding was just walking and trotting and stopping.)

I’m relieved none of them got hurt in the storms, too. I can’t even find a cut.

They were supposed to get their dental work done today, but the poor dentist accidentally dropped her expensive bottle of sedatives and it broke! You can’t do teeth safely without sedation. We will try again!

See. We are back to a good relationship. I do wish I could wear a helmet straight.

But in the meantime I’ll enjoy good horse times.

Organized Religion, Unpopular Beliefs, and Such

Do you practice religion?

Have we met? If we have, you probably know I’m not a fan of organized religion. It seems like whenever some spiritual leader comes along, followers start twisting their teachings around to justify their agendas. I’ll stop there and let the reader come up with their own examples. It’s not hard to do.

No illustrations go with this blog so enjoy some bugs.

I’ve tried, of course. I always liked church as a kid because there was singing. In harmony. I liked that. The inconsistency of the teachings? Not so much.

I have tried a couple of other paths, but each started trying to say “my doctrine is better than yours” (even Wicca/neopaganism) and I got disinterested in any organized activity. Even Buddhists can start telling you how you should and shouldn’t practice. Fine for those people. Not for me. And the songs for both groups aren’t much fun.

I did stick with UnitarIan Universalism for a long time. The music was excellent and I got to be in a folk group, a choir, and a rock band. But power struggles, infighting, and most of all, the oppressive political correctness mandates got to be too much for me. I got to where I was afraid to speak, because someone would give me a lecture on how I triggered them, used last week’s correct labels, or missed a pronoun. (Note that I do my best to keep up and love everyone in all the trigger-prone communities). I’m just old and slow even as I try to learn (this statement will lead to a lecture on how I COULD do better if I tried, so I’m a sucky ally).

Anyway, my first point is that no matter who you think is the Best Spiritual Leader, I probably respect them and their teachings. My own path draws a lot from the Buddha, Jesus (his actual sayings), and Starhawk. But it’s mine, and I don’t expect you to follow it. I still respect other wise teachings as well. I will say I’m not fond of Mao or Lenin. I’m allowed. Right now at least.

Enjoy my smaller, but repaired, chicken pen.

And here’s my second point. People say things, sometimes in public, that reflect their spiritual path, philosophy, or culture. Sometimes we will agree with them; sometimes we will disagree. But it’s very important to let people say what they have to say. Heck, it tells you whose businesses to support, what sports teams to follow, or who to vote for.

Do not enjoy this large Queen fire ant that flies. Check those mandibles out.

Lately there’s been a lot of commentary about people who express opinions in public that don’t match those of their audiences. Examples include the football player who waxed on about women and motherhood, and Richard Dreyfus, who seems to have said sexist and racist things to an audience that didn’t come to hear that talk.

How should we handle this kind of thing? Well we sure don’t want to go censoring them. That can easily get turned around to where the other side feels censored because THEIR beliefs offend others(aside from the fact that I do censor myself often in my current political setting).

Enjoy my coffee mug from today. I’m running out of things to enjoy.

Nope. These people should say what they want to say, and then deal with the consequences. People will walk out of the venue, which is fine. Or they may no longer buy their products. But the speakers still get to talk.

Enjoy my creepily flesh-colored nails. Only flesh colored for white people, of course.

And those of us with different views also get to talk, even if we can’t be quite woke enough.

I worry that having uncommon beliefs, spiritual or otherwise, may be grounds for punishment in the future if we aren’t careful. Let’s treat those we disagree with the way we hope they’d treat us if we spoke out. We can respect their right to speak, but not be forced to listen.

Sigh. Here’s a dream. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone felt comfortable flying flags with our favorite candidate’s name on it?

Suna, Stop Being So Hard on Yourself, You Doofus

Oh, Self, you are still listening to a long-ago admonition you think your dad made. You think he expected you to excel at everything you tried to do, and at least be in the top 10% (whew, that excused that B in PE and Algebra 2 that made me not the best in high school—I was not athletic or mathematical until much later in life).

This volunteer portulaca also doesn’t like math. It interrupts the grid.

I’ve always felt literal shame if I got a bad review at work (my interpretation of “bad” was anything other than world’s greatest employee). I just never took criticism well, for no good reason. I just was screwed up from childhood. I’ve gotten better, but when people I care about give harsh criticism, I still fall apart. Nonetheless, honest, I’m way better. I do realize I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable and lovable. In fact, some/many people like me just the way I am, and I BELIEVE it!

Still, I let myself fall into old patterns over the weekend and was all disappointed that Apache and I didn’t rank well at the horse show. At the time, I told myself I was being ridiculous, because we did the best we could, considering our health.

I’m glad Tarrin finally got to use some of her 4th and 5th place ribbons. That means lots of entrants!

Well, I was really being a doofus (just gently ribbing myself), because when I took the time to look at the results, I actually got my best scores with Apache in all the areas except the last one , when I was just trying to survive without passing out. And that was as good as the last show.

I have to remember that Apache really didn’t know how to run properly without a rider, much less with a fearful, bouncing old lady on him!

So, this just presents a confirmation that comparing yourself to others is not at all good for you. The other riders were simply better than me, and on their own path to improve their own skills. As Sara said to me, I’ve come farther than she ever thought I would. I agree. We aren’t talented or young, either of us, but Apache and I keep at it!

I’m proud of our spirit and grit, even if we’re not going to be the “best!” We’re our best.

(By the way, Drew and I are getting along much better.)

Goodness Gracious I’m Good

What are you good at?

One thing I’m good at is having a consistent meditation practice. I’m not good at some of my more spiritual things (not very expert at Buddhist practices or very organized as a nature worshiper). But by gosh I’m gonna meditate every day. It’s good for me. If meditation offends you, then, I’m silently praying.

My meditation view isn’t as good as it was last week, but there are still flowers.

Hmm, that’s not what I intended to write about, so let’s find something else I’m good at…observing nature! Yeah! I’m extra good at that, and sometimes wish I could have worked as a naturalist in some fashion as a profession.

Striking caterpillar of the Wilson’s Wood-nymph moth

But, I’m also good at writing and editing, so I did get to use that throughout my working years. I can even write academically, but since I became a technical writer, I’ve stuck with simpler word choices and sentence structures, so as not to obfuscate my scintillating pontifications.

That’s not funny, Apache (couldn’t resist posting another yawning photo)

Of course, I’m good at knitting and crochet. I’m crafty, but not necessarily artistic.

I also hope I’m good at supporting my friends and family. That one waxes and wanes, and as long-time readers may know (I do have a beloved child and petulant sister who I did not support to their standards). But hey, I went to see the niece Kathleen in the hospital for her latest spider bite and brought her flowers and a card (along with son and partner). I’d have visited sooner, but I kept thinking she’d come home quickly. Her body just does not deal with spider venom.

Snakes are looking for her. (Non-venomous)

I like all those positive things I’m good at. I used to be very good at putting myself down, blaming myself for everything that went wrong, and contorting myself to try to get people I cared about but who didn’t care about me to change their minds. I’m glad I stopped being so great at those unhealthy traits! I could not make that guy in grad school, my previous spouse, nor my next-door neighbor like me. Now I think it’s their loss.

Also good at overheating and doing that lip thing. Me doing both of those yesterday.

Let’s all try to get very good at cutting our losses and moving on from relationships and situations that aren’t good for our self esteem. I’m quite good at these proclamations. Hear ye, hear ye!

Too Hot for Horsing?

There was another horse show for the group I participate in, Working Horse Central. Sara and Aragorn went with me and Apache. We had to use our trailer, because Sara’s had gotten damaged in the storms. Mine had only been knocked off its stand, so it was a challenge getting it hitched to her vehicle, but Lee, Sara, and her nephew Justin got it done eventually.

I had a festive new outfit. It was a bit small.

The show had lots of participants, which was really cool. You always learn a lot from everyone at every level. Apache and I learned that a person recovering from a fall and a horse recovering from a laminitic episode aren’t going to do really well in the hottest day of the year so far.

Extra coordinated. My new helmet matched his tack.

I was disappointed in our standings, but we had some good moments and I was proud of how hard we tried. We both sweated a lot. Then I got all red. Luckily, our body worker Jackie was also in the show, and she had a functioning air conditioner in her living quarters trailer. Resting in there allowed us to at least try the final event, though we placed dead last and didn’t even get a ribbon. Wah. I thought we’d done okay, but the truth is that the other folks had great rounds. I enjoyed watching them through the haze of heat.

I was also proud that I was able to do some of the cleanup and packing, though I felt awful. My back hurt from getting a chiropractic adjustment on the part I hurt worst when I unexpectedly flew off Drew. It needs more work!

Love this action shot of Sara and Aragorn. They are so much fun to watch as they get better and better.

And to add insult to injury, I had a huge blister on my heel, because I cleaned up the storm damage in my rubber boots with no socks on. That was MY fault. It sure made wearing cowboy boots uncomfortable.

However, I survived. Apache did, too. He even made a new friend, one of the horses Tarrin is working with. I came into Apache’s stall to clean his poop, and caught them bonding through the open window. The gray horse was making cute little noises at Apache, and they were nuzzling. Then something happened and they both backed up and started yawning. It was so cute! Made the day worth it.

I don’t know what this means, but they were happy.

I really admire the people at these shows. Here’s an example. There was a woman who had trouble getting up on her horse. Her horse was blind in one eye. But once she was on and warmed up a bit, she was so obviously a skilled rider and the horse was very well trained. Her Agility round was awesome. I hope I’m still willing to put myself out there as long as possible, like her. Great role model for me.

Book Report: The Backyard Bird Chronicles

Yes, I read another bird book. The Backyard Bird Chronicles (2024), by Amy Tan (yes, THAT Amy Tan), is very enjoyable for any bird watcher or wannabe bird watcher. It’s absolutely beautiful, too, with many detailed illustrations by Tan, who didn’t start taking art lessons until she was getting on in years. You’d never guess it. She’s a keen observer of our avian buddies.

Yes, the foreword is by THAT David Allen Sibley.

Tan based the book on her bird journal for a few years, including through COVID. She is a dedicated suburban bird feeder with the funds to give them the best a bird could want. I enjoyed reading about how hard she had to work to thwart squirrels and rats from getting all this fine food.

I learned a lot about songbirds of northern California, of which I wasn’t very familiar before. There are lots of similarities to the birds here, just Western versions. Tan’s charming and sometimes a bit naive observations are quite fun to read, even when you know some of her ideas aren’t entirely accurate. But she has so much fun thinking about what birds are thinking, that you just want to roll along with her.

Even though I observe birds differently (no way I’d feed them and encourage even more mice, rats, raccoons, etc.), I got a lot out of her close observations, which I rarely get out in the woods or pasture.

Most of you would probably enjoy this book, both for the writing and the art. And you get insights into Amy Tan’s life. I have loved her memoirs before, and this was sharing her memories on a topic we both love.

Honestly, even non-bird folks will be charmed by this book. Maybe it will inspire others to look closely at the nature around them.

I Truly Loathe Tornadoes

I was going to write about every time a tornado damaged my property or that of someone I cared about, not to mention lost pets and livestock. It goes way back to childhood. No one I knew was killed in one, so yes I should go on and on about how grateful I am and that things can be replaced.

Willows tend to break. But it’s where bird friends live. Hardly any birds out today.

But. Being close to those things can traumatize you. I saw that in my son’s eyes today. We’ve shared tornado trauma, and he had it again yesterday when one came out of nowhere and threw debris around him and his partner. They each made it inside, but my goodness, that was scary, especially when the roof proceeded to peel off.

Anyway, I got all nauseated driving home from our shortened trip to Waco. So many downed trees and damaged buildings. And it was worse in Temple, the closest large town to us. Houses moved off their foundations and such.

Right by our place there were huge round hay bales that flew over the highway. I’d hate to be driving when that happened! We lost a water trough and all my horse training barrels went far away. Glad we’re okay, though.

It just got to me this afternoon and I had to lay down. Goldie joined me and insisted on laying her head on my hand, so I napped as long as she did.

Hope I’m better tomorrow. Too many tornado memories. Do I have any humor?

Humor. Ssssally climbing the wall. She fell right after the third picture.

What a Scary Weather Day

Yikes. Today started out just fine. I got a bunch of work done, then in mid afternoon Lee and I drove to Waco, with me doing my meetings and stuff. Have laptop, will work. Lee was called to Federal Jury Duty, and wanted to check out the courthouse before tomorrow and not have to get up quite so early.

As we drove, we started getting severe thunderstorm warnings. I still had time to check out the lovely river area near the Waco Hilton. They’ve done a great job!

As I was taking pictures of urban birds, I heard thunder. So I went inside and we went downstairs to eat dinner. That was a good idea.

It started to rain, and it got as bad as rain gets in a hurricane, along with similar winds. It was quite a show outside the restaurant windows. Then things went downhill when the kitchen had to stop making hot food, then some roof collapsed in the convention center part of the building. Water was pouring in.

We only had a couple of power glitches. Unfortunately it was not as good back at home. The hospital where Kathleen is staying went on generator power and moved all the patients into the hallways. She said there was a bit of chaos and screaming when the big hail came. They had 80 mph winds.

At home it was bad. Our house, family members, dogs, horses, and chickens are fine. Many trees are down and water was over the roads. Luckily everyone got home safely. My chicken pens blew away. The pool, which had just had a repair today, is full of lawn furniture and a greenhouse frame. But that’s nothing.

Roofing blew off the cabin where my son lives, and the material covering their patio is now in Sara’s horse pen. Glad we have the RV where they can stay until repairs are made. A tree fell on Sara’s horse trailer, and Mandy’s balcony rail is gone.

It was a mess. What is good, though, is how we all checked up on each other. My friends, family, and even the insurance agent/friend started texting and offering to help each other out. It really made me feel safer and like I belong. Plus I was so worried about everyone!

I haven’t heard from the people in our Red House Airbnb. There are so many trees around it that I get worried. Someone will check tomorrow. I just hope we don’t get much more rain tonight.

There IS something more positive out of today! Lee’s trial got canceled, so he doesn’t have to go in tomorrow. I may be able to visit a friend in the afternoon, since tomorrow is my extra early work day. And Lee met the lady who is the court clerk and she told him our planned vacation in a couple weeks would excuse him from the next trial. He still might have to go at the end of June, though. It’s our duty to do this service, so Lee is happy to do so.

So Much to Be Happy About

Sure. Given the choice, I’ll choose being happy. I don’t think that was always my choice. Sometimes I chose something other than happiness. Melodrama? Ennui? Risk-taking? Emotional masochism? Whatever it was, it’s gone.

More space in my brain for wildflower appreciation.

That leaves so much room for positive experiences, contentment with whatever comes up, and inner peace. Of course, there are moments of wonder and happy times, but I’m loving the contentment I’ve achieved. More challenges will come up, but I have good tools for coping.

Speaking of challenges, I bet baby Hope will provide some, but cute ones.

Work has been fun, because I’m learning new ideas and helping out others. People are just so interesting when you just observe them and help out. I’m out of the office politics game, and love the detachment.

Just observing and noticing is way better than getting emotionally involved!

Horses are still fun, too. Today was Apache’s lesson and I got to go with Sara. That won’t happen much more in the future, so I enjoyed watching her and Aragorn trying new things.

Apache spent more time getting his hooves trimmed. I think he gets his done as much as I do. But it’s his lot in life, being metabolically challenged.

My new helmet matches all his tack. It even has cactuses on it.

We enjoyed our lesson until side passing time. We just aren’t good at that. I guess we know what to work on!

He’s a good horse. And I washed all the sweat off.

The heat is back, so I’m pretty tired. And my back hurts where I fell from Drew last week. Plus, our pool pump seems to have gone out. Always something to deal with, but hey, I’m not hospitalized like poor Kathleen has been all week (another spider bite). Tomorrow will be better, no doubt!

Maybe I’ll see the black mud daubers! No, these don’t sting you.

I’m Cool with the Cool

How do you feel about cold weather?

First: I’m so tired I am a little woozy and my whole body hurts. Why? No horse tumble! A combination of too much activity, poor form in entering a Jeep Wrangler (wrenched my back) and too much heat (and I just realized the air quality is bad due to Mexican fires).

Carlton got so tired from being glad to see us that he fell asleep on his beloved bone.

Second: though born and raised in the heat and humid of Florida, I never dealt well with heat. I didn’t sweat well, so I tended to get overheated and pass out. I ended up sorta enjoying the Illinois winters while I was there, and now I even choose to vacation in winter where it snows. (I do not like ice, ice storms, and feeding horses in almost sub-zero weather, however.)

As for my day, I had a great morning hike between meetings and heard two new life birds, both warblers (America Redstart and Prothonotary Warbler). And thanks to keen observers who know my interests, I got to see a banded water snake in person and photos.

We’re glad to be home, though both Lee and I immediately did a lot of ranch chores upon arrival, which is why I got overheated. Lots of chicken and horse work had to be done, since it turns out, due to unforeseen circumstances, none got fed or medicated.

Plus, the farrier came, so everyone had to be rounded up and dealt with. I’m happy with Drew’s behavior, though. Biting attempts were dealt with and he was great after that. Bonus: my new riding helmets arrived, and I’m excited to use them!

I’d hoped it would show up better, but Dusty has a mane now!

Think of us Texans as the lovely cool spring fades into memory and the months of Hades begin.