Sue Ann (Suna) Kendall

Spontaining All Over Texas

Today didn’t go as planned. That’s okay. If you can’t spontain on a relaxing weekend at a state park, when else can you? I did get to spend the morning doing what I intended, which is record birds for the Big Day on Merlin/eBird and record pollinators for the Texas Pollinator Bioblitz on iNaturalist. I do so love doing competitions where I can compete with myself.

Lee had wanted to take pictures with me at the bird blind, but realized the camera batteries were not charged. So he decided to go to Corpus Christi (1.5 hours or so) to get some at a camera shop. I was promised visits to parks on the trip. So, I spontaneously agreed.

I hoped to see more butterflies, like this Buckeye

Off we went, but soon realized people need to eat. We lucked out and there was a very authentic Texas-Czech barbecue/kolache place at our first exit in Mathis. We went through many small towns today, some more decrepit than others. The restaurant had a great collection of antiques and extra friendly waitresses. The fried okra was fresh, too. A winner.

Yes, we did stop next at another state park, Lake Corpus Christi. We decided to come back and stay there for a longer trip. They have full hookups and lots of trails, plus the nicest state park restroom building I ever saw. Indeed, I took pictures. We just drove around and didn’t get out, so I only got two plant photos.

After that I saw many fascinating slums and defunct shopping centers in Corpus Christi. I saw parts of that town I’d never seen before and would have been okay not seeing, but it was like an adventure/scavenger hunt trying to locate the camera stores Lee had looked up. For future reference, there is no camera store in Corpus Christi. There are many small houses, giant empty churches, and weird downtown streets, though.

It was a relief to get on that nice wide road that takes you over some bays index onto Mustang Island, a place I used to hang out at during my early years in Texas. I’d never been to the state park there, but I can no longer say that. We did get to Mustang Island State Park (got our money’s worth on the parks pass).

I got many observations of Beachy pollinators as well as plenty of birds to record, so I was satisfied. We both enjoyed watching the ghost crabs and were astonished at how many jellyfish were washed up. There are super high tides right now, so they were almost to the dunes.

On our way home we drove the back way with no interstates. Wow. There are some desolate areas in this part of Texas. We passed many large ranches with dirt instead of grass (drought) and many others that were obviously being managed for game. The scrub is very good for hunting birds in addition to larger animals.

We also passed through Orange Grove (no oranges seen) which is where some of Lee’s family settled. It was in pretty sad shape but had some nice housing tracts outbox town. It was the last town before all the nothingness.

It’s good to be back at Choke Canyon after a nice meal of H-E-B sushi. I got 45 bird species today!

Heading South Like a Bird

Not that I want it to be warmer; it’s plenty warm still where I live. Nonetheless The plan for today was to head down south for a repeat visit to Choke Canyon State Park. I accidentally rebooked this park, perhaps I had a subconscious plan.

This very anxious cow had both me and the dogs concerned during birding time.

But first we had to get there. The farrier came early, which messed up my careful plans for getting both my work and my travel preparation done (and photography of pollinators for Texas Pollinator Week). Then, of course, work needed me and that got me more out of sync. I kept up my planned work/prep until I went to feed the chickens and give them water.

Of course I stopped for pollinators. This clouded skipper was diving into a flower.

As I turned the water flow on, I saw a brown lump in the grass. Was it something else Vlassic had dragged in from the pasture?

Oh my gosh, no! It was a newborn calf! On our side of the fence! It was doing the classic baby calf thing of laying low and not moving. I knew it was just born, because Tyler V tags new ones as soon as he finds them and he’s looking at least twice a day right now.

No wonder that cow had been mooing so hard this morning! And her milk bag was very full. I got in touch with Tyler then finished working and getting ready. Just as we were finally leaving, Tyler arrived and I showed him where the calf was. The poor thing was getting hot and breathing hard, so I’m glad it got rescued. All it took was for Tyler to walk up to it and it scooted back through the fence. I hope there was a family reunion and the baby got tagged.

That made me as happy as I assume these bee flies were when I took this shot.

Four hours later, we arrived to the familiar sight of Choke Canyon’s scrubby beauty. I quickly realized why I subconsciously rebooked a place we had already been—this time we are just two spots away from the bird blind! The really good one! And there’s javelina poop on our site! Yes! This place has its own beauty and excitement.

Bonus: the leveling system worked and my bedroom slide went out. I can get to my pajamas and art supplies! It’s like we have our motorhome back, though the generator still won’t start.

I did get to walk around just a little bit, and found a lot of climbing milkweed, lantana, and cow pen daisies. I hope these will convince some of the beautiful butterflies I’ve been seeing to stop and pollinate. So far I have a dead queen butterfly and a brown moth. I must do better!

I figure I’ll enjoy a few more birding hikes this weekend as well as take a lot of insect and plant photos! Enjoy scenes from my sunset walk.

Mothing

Tonight’s Master Naturalist meeting presentation was on moths. It turns out I have a lot to learn about moths, which far outnumber butterflies, so I thoroughly enjoyed the presentation by a very personable Swedish woman who I’d love to know better.

This fiery skipper would like to point out that butterflies are still fascinating.

It turns out all that sorrel vine at our house attracts the beautiful Wilson’s Wood Nymph moth, so I will need to share it with our Wildscape for a new project.

We did some mothing after the meeting was over. That’s where you shine a bright light with UVA in it on a white cloth and see what shows up. I’ve done it before at Master Naturalist annual meetings, but it was fun to do it in Cameron.

Genuine moth. The good old Vagabond Sod Webworm moth *Agriphila vulgivagellus*

We didn’t see many moths, but did realize that by attracting tiny insects, we were providing a smorgasbord for Asian lady beetles. It was like Wild Kingdom (that’s an old TV show).

Maybe I’ll set something up so I can get better photos with the good camera while we go camping this weekend. Ooh, I can see a white sheet from where I’m writing this…in my bedroom…not sweating. Yes, the air conditioner is working again.

I can enjoy my glow-in-the-dark fingernails comfortably. They really looked good in the motorhome, where I slept last night, because it gets dark in there.

Hard Goals

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

As tired as I am, I can answer this one (I don’t answer blog prompts lately because I’ve answered most of them). That’s good, because it was another day of barely getting through work and not being able to do much more.

I finished coloring this. It took a week or so in small doses.

So, I’ve probably mentioned this before and will again. But for years I had a hard time being the person I felt I could be, and it turns out I had a lot to do with it. Thanks to some issues in my birth family and an inherently sensitive nature, I was always very hard on myself.

I never met my own expectations. Any mistake I made lingered in my mind for a long time. I’d replay “dumb” things I said over and over. And I would constantly talk to myself in ways no one would talk to someone they cared about. I was ugly, fat, stupid, and so on. I was not nice to me.

Since I AM actually pretty smart and intuitive, I figured out that I was not helping myself with the negative self talk. So I had some therapy, talked things out with a group of safe and understanding women, meditated (a lot, still do), and read.

I’m very pleased to have come across the writing of Brené Brown. I’m also pleased someone made me read a self-help book. I find most of them really simplistic or not right for me. Her first few books opened my eyes to how much I was affecting my own self worth, and by that, encouraging others to pick at me or devalue me. Figuring out that I wasn’t the only one doing this to myself was a huge revelation. I got a much better outlook and began to heal.

I got tested a lot in this healing phase. Since I came to Cameron, a couple of people (who of course are suffering from their own internal battles) tried their best to break me down, give the community a bad impression of me, and hurt others I cared about. I’ve had some very hard times here in rural Texas, where even in a good day I’m a square peg not even trying to fit into a round hole.

But, one day, right after a very mean person was mean to me, something snapped in my brain. I told my patterns I was sick and tired of them and vowed to reframe the situation every time I started to berate myself.

Get this. It worked. After a while, weird thoughts like how good I felt, or how peaceful life was began to replace sadness. My negativity patterns have gone into background mode, and I feel so much better. Sure, that stuff is still down there and today’s trying times make feeling good about anything difficult. Yet, I honestly feel good about myself, like myself, and don’t beat myself up when I screw up (much). And of course, the horse riding lessons helped me practice gaining self confidence.

I kept telling myself I was fine just as I was and that it’s perfectly okay that not everybody likes me until it became true. I’ve even learned a bit about how to perform the once-mysterious act of “letting other people’s negativity slide right off my back.”

Maybe that’s why these bluebirds of happiness keep following me.

I try to cut others some slack, and accept those around me who confuse me just as they are. I just hope they find peace and joy on their path.

Who IS THIS version of Suna? She’s different. Not perfect, not better than anyone else, but at a good place in her spiritual journey.

So, blog prompt readers, loving myself and treating myself kindly were my hardest goals.

Now I’ll move on towards being less judgmental (making good progress), and being so afraid to speak up about what I see as wrong. There’s always room for improvement!

Butterflies Are Tricky

Since I’m still feeling a bit under the weather I didn’t do much today. Luckily my favorite activity each morning is listening to birds and watching the wildlife behind our house. Paying attention is hard on the mind (sometimes) but easy on a weakened body.

The insects are enjoyable, and give me visual entertainment when I can’t see birds. There are always wasps and bees, along with flies, not all of whom are annoying (just most). It’s been a mediocre year for dragonflies — there have been years with more and years with less, but they’re always fun to watch.

Of concern this year, though, have been butterflies. Much of the spring and summer there really haven’t been as many as usual. The most prolific were the Gulf Fritillary contingent who love one of the spring vines.

I saw one today, but this is from spring

Next have been the clouded and Eufala skippers, who love the morning glories, of which I’ve shared many photos. Asters are doing a good job, too, as I shared recently.

For the last few days, though, I’m seeing a greater variety, ranging from tiny hairstreaks to large sulphurs and swallowtails. It sure was pleasant sitting in my chair and seeing a variety feeding on grass pollen. Too bad I decided not to move around and disturb them, because you’d have a lot to see! This hackberry emperor posed so beautifully on a corn leaf blown in from harvest that I had to capture it. That’s why we don’t eliminate hackberry trees!

I’ll feel better tomorrow and more up for photography. I’m sure they won’t all sneak away when they see me coming.

PS: Lee made me another book. The pages are thick watercolor paper. It was hard to sew, but he did a great job. The book opens nice and flat, too. He even stamped the cover with a sweet bow!

Mortality Blues

I’ve been re-watching the television series Lucifer, in which the Devil comes to earth to figure out what being mortal is like, among other things. He’s all excited to get to actually feel pain.

Well, I’m glad it gives Mr. Morningstar some giggles. It’s not the case with me these days, nor with so many of my friends in the 75+ age group. They seem pretty baffled at how their previously well behaved bodies are randomly (it seems) failing. Why is my knee giving way? How did I get this heart issue? What the heck!

Carlton is concerned about his mortality though he need not be

I remember how weird it seemed when my indestructible Dad started to show signs of age. Maybe it was good he passed at 80, before his body stopped being so robust. That would have been hard on him.

I’m musing about this because my digestive system, the one inextricably linked to my anxiety and stress, has not been cooperating with me. I was pretty much out of commission today, and I don’t know which of many possibilities caused it. I ended up taking a nap in the cool motorhome after work.

No doubt the horses were relieved I didn’t make anyone work today, but they got fed.

It’s just so frustrating to have your body not doing its job properly when you have plans. That’s my least favorite part of aging, the unreliability of the physical part of myself.

Nonetheless there were highlights today, the biggest of which was seeing a big Wood Stork by the creek. I thought it was a hawk at first, but the head shape gave it away. I hope we see more, and some cranes.

That will make up for how quiet birding has been lately. I hear plenty of birds, but not in large numbers and not very enthusiastically. Maybe they’re all molting like Connie and the chickens.

The Great Egret was another non-Hawk that was in the usual lookout trees.

I will now see if I can sleep. I’ve avoided the news and have not read any depressing books.

Appreciate Your Community

Because of life constraints I don’t get to see some of the people who mean the most to me. You know who you are.

For that reason it was so gratifying to spend time just relaxing and talking to my friend Anita this evening. Even though we only live five miles away, it’s hard to get together right now thanks to work and a geriatric dog.

But we did get to have some of our talks like only people who’ve known each other over half a century can have. I feel lots better just from the in-person check-in (as opposed to social media and text).

We all chatted on the new porch. Now I’ve had two friend visits here!

It makes me want to see a few other close friends even more. All the busyness and over/scheduling just makes it hard. Well, and me being a hermit and wanting to avoid big cities and crowds doesn’t help.

I’m grateful for Zoom/Teams chats and wish I had more. Maybe I should schedule some! Taking action is a skill I’m still working on, for sure! If you want to chat with me or someone you care about, do it! Make a plan. I’ll try to take my own advice.

It’s a full moon, so I can manifest more sociability.

But to those of you I care about and don’t talk to often, know you’re in my thoughts more than you could imagine. My brain is filled with community. Now to maintain it…

Trying Is So Vital

It very well could be that some of you are sick of me going on and on about learning to canter on horseback. After all, little kids just jump on horses and take off, flying like the wind—how hard can it be?

Looks so easy, huh? Not for me and my horse buddy. Photo from Pexels.

Hmph. I was told recently that it’s also hard for many young people to learn. So there. And I think many young people feel braver because they haven’t developed a fear of a crippling injury like, say, blue-haired women over 65.

I’m gonna share old photos of me and Apache. I was only 56 here in 2014, doing groundwork.

Me and Apache following Sara and Spice in 2018.

I started lessons on Apache because I felt incompetent and was worried I’d hurt myself in a fall when riding alone. I was ok walking, but I didn’t like going fast, even trotting. But I wanted to try to conquer my fears.

Me trying not to be afraid, 2016, Anita on dear Pardner

I lucked out and found a trainer who understands both horses and people, and doesn’t force either to do things they aren’t ready for. So we walked a lot at first. And I found out it wasn’t just me who needed help, Apache had to un-learn some unhelpful patterns and have his health issues addressed.

So yeah, this horse thing has been a slow process, but I haven’t given up, even when I’m afraid. Now I’m less afraid than uncertain about whether I can do things. But Tarrin has convinced me that I won’t know until I try. It works, and has spilled over into other areas of my life, where I have more self confidence.

2016. I was braver riding with friends !

I went from hanging on for dear life while trotting to actually having some finesse and skill with it. And Apache has learned how to do the trot more effectively, which means it’s easier on me. I like that we’re both learning in our golden years. We’ve become a team. We’re a slow team but we keep trying. And I think we both enjoy it.

So today, I was happy to see a much less crusty Apache greet me in the morning. He also seemed to feel a lot better than he did earlier in the week. We ended up having a great lesson after a slow warmup. He cantered well enough that we went into the round pen to try under saddle again.

2015, one of our first Parelli lessons. Awkward.

I’m feeling more confident just from having done the canter lessons before. I feel okay going so fast and jumping before cantering. Today we made it halfway around the circle, not just a few steps. I even sorta lost my balance and fixed it. That makes me feel better about staying on.

I know I have friends competing in dressage or roping or barrel racing for whom this seems like remedial education. But it’s where I’m at and I’m still trying. Sure, we could have gotten to this point faster if certain horses could have stayed healthier, but yay, we’re still here and having fun.

If we don’t try, we won’t get anywhere.

Pollen, pollen

It’s everywhere right now. People always think of spring as prime time for pollen and pollinators, but at least around here the season lasts until it freezes. Autumn brings lots of flowers out for hungry insects over here in Milam County, Texas. I’ve shown you lots of tie vines, or wild morning glories.

In the mornings these clouded skippers cover the vines.

Another popular plant is the southern annual saltmarsh aster (Symphyotrichum divaricatum). They will be blooming until frost. Many tiny insects flit around them, probably wasps. I can’t get them to hold still. But I can catch a few butterflies (these are from today).

Today I spent a few minutes on my way to the mailbox dawdling around the big pollen producer of the moment, goldenrod. We have a patch of tall goldenrod (Solidago altissima) on the dam that creates our driveway. It’s literally buzzing with activity right now, predominantly bumblebees and wasps, but there are also a few honeybees, butterflies, and bonus insects. It’s fun to watch them darting around.

I can see why Texas has its Pollinator Week in October each year, because even though it seems late, there’s still pollination to be done! I enjoyed focusing my time outside on these fall plants and insects (and arachnids). It takes my mind off how little it’s rained lately, current events, and the warm air rising to our bedroom every night.

In my opinion, you should focus more on how amazing garden spiders are.

But wait, there IS good news! The electrician people came today and got our big fans installed on the screened porch. It was a bit of work, especially putting the fans together. I had planned to take some calm fan photos, but instead got to record a rare sight, our usually dignified Alfred being playful with Penney. I’ll treasure these images!

A Little More Dullness

My inspiration for writing about what interests me is at an all-time low. Maybe it’s that lack of air conditioning in our upstairs. Inspiration and sweating have never gone together well for me. Sweating puts me into survival mode, which may explain my reluctance to canter on Apache at the end of a hot lesson.

It’s probably cooler up in a tree with the Great Egret.

Speaking of my spotted gelding companion, he may keep acting all stiff when we exercise, but I see him cantering away quite gloriously when the herd decides to move and he doesn’t realize I’m looking. HA! I also think Drew leans to the left when cantering like a wild horse. Hmm. Things to discuss on Saturday, I guess.

No horse photos, but look at the cuteness of this tiny Hentz jumping spider. It soon jumped off my eraser.

Let’s see what dull events happened today, and I’ll try to be more interesting tomorrow.

I did my nails an interesting orange ombré that looks better on my short nails. Yes, it’s Orange October, but I’m keeping my hair Dusty blue. (Spell check capitalized Dusty because it knows about the horse, I guess)
Another calf must have been born, because the Black Vultures were back following cows. I didn’t see it.
Air conditioning repair guy came with a new controller only to discover the motor had burned out. Back to waiting on another part.
An electrician came to install the porch ceiling fans. He left a long wire on the porch, returned later in the day but turned around in the driveway and left. That was weird. Maybe he forgot something? It shall remain a mystery.
Work was sorta fun, with a lot of collaboration and problem solving. That’s always my favorite part. I like when team members each bring different skills that enable better outcomes to be accomplished.

Remember people around you are struggling and may not be at their best. Let’s try to be supportive and put aside little gripes. That message was for me, too.