Tag: boundaries

My quirky guide to healthier relationships and boundaries.

Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

Always find beauty. We all have it.

DO

Remind yourself that when someone bullies you, it’s because they feel weak.

Lower expectations from unreliable friends and family. Enjoy the good things and just accept them as they are. Griping won’t change anything.

Bear in mind you don’t have to comply with manipulation.

Listen with your heart and empathize without taking on others’ issues.

Love yourself, warts and all.

See the good in everyone but don’t make excuses for them.

Forgive those who hurt you, even if you must stay away for your safety.

Prioritize your needs; you’re as important as anyone else, so don’t always put others first.

Find the humor in situations.

Make room for silence. Meditate, pray, walk in nature. It improves your ability to bring your best self to relationships.

DON’T

Beg anyone to love you. It never works. That only took me 50 years to figure out.

Walk on eggshells to keep the peace/save a relationship/pacify a narcissist.

Believe the put-downs, insults, passive aggressive jabs, and guilt trips of wounded souls trying to make themselves feel better by belittling you.

Try to fix anyone. That’s their job.

Bear a grudge. It hurts you more than the other person.

Make negative assumptions based on appearance — talk to people.

Tease unkindly, pick on, or gossip about people who are vulnerable.

It felt good to blurt that all out. I’m sure you have your own ideas! Me throwing out unsolicited advice may well be unnecessary. Thanks for playing along.

This guy says to take a hike

More book reporting for tomorrow. Hopefully less flooding, as there was another four inches overnight.

Letting Go

How good are you at just letting go of things? I’m not talking about physical things, where you ate on the continuum between hoarding and extreme minimalism. I mean mental stuff, from past hurts and disappointments to things going on right now. How are you doing with that?

Wishing you could fly away doesn’t help…much.

Now, are you getting better or worse at letting go? In the current situation, where pandemics, wars, political differences, poverty, and growing inequalities surround us all, I notice people seem to be clinging to their grudges and gripes as if they are a lifeline.

I think we feel powerless much of the time and need somewhere to direct our frustration that we can’t fix the big things. So, we go after smaller things, like our friends and families. Or we repeatedly spread inflammatory content on social media or in person, just to feel like we’ve done something. Just so much acrimony.

I’ve considered being inflammatory lately. I walked away from the useless debate. You can see it wasn’t easy.

Since I’ve become more aware of this, I’ve been repeating my mantras more and more. I’ve also made more time for meditation and hanging out with plants and animals. An image that helps me a lot is one where I’m a mountain and the wind of other people’s burdens just flows over and around me, but doesn’t move me or get inside.

Let it flow.

I was never good at letting other people’s energies wash over me. I’d always pick up on it and mirror their state. Now I reflect it back, gently. This empath is finally getting the hang of protecting myself, and setting boundaries , but without abandoning others. How long can I do this? I don’t know! It’s hard!

But it feels good to see the struggles around me and reflect back loving kindness, not take it all in and add to my own struggles. It’s progress. And there will be twists and turns along the path.

How are you coping?