The Hermits' Rest

Cowgirl Suna Rides…Er…Walks Again!

Even though it was really, really hot yesterday, I continued on my quest to work with Apache on his issues with going where he is asked to go.

I really figure that just the time spent with him would do me good, and I was happy to see Craig Moore, a young horse trainer in May, Texas who I follow, echoing that. He wrote about how he’d never thought just hanging around with a horse would mean much, but he tried it yesterday, sitting in a chair and reading on his phone in the pen. The Mustang who’d only been with them a day or two came up to him and checked him out, even sniffing his face. Just the quiet presence helped. If it even helps people who win the Extreme Mustang Makeover, it has to help me and my champion grass chewer!

So, Mandi and I got together again last night, and after spending some time grooming Apache and Fiona (and feeding Big Red, the hen), we decided (with not much planning or forethought) to take him to the other place that gives him trouble, down the row of evergreen trees behind our “training pasture” or “outdoor arena,” which is towards the neighbors’ house.

I am sweating a lot as I work out my issues.

He did better than yesterday, for sure, but did try to turn back, especially under those scary high-voltage wires. Each time he did it, I followed my plan and stopped him, then gently turned him in the direction I wanted him to go in. He always responded to my touch command, which was good.

Two things helped. I’d remembered to bring a carrot stick with me, and I used a shorter lead rope. I keep tripping on the really long one, because I can’t keep it all nicely curled up while walking, using the stick, and avoiding Apache’s feet. Both these things made a big difference. The stick helped keep him going the way I wanted, and after the scary place, he walked normally the rest of the way down the treeline, calmly turned around, and did not rush going back.

Unfortunately, we didn’t realize that the fact that Vlassic and Fiona followed us would be a problem, and we’ve been asked not to bring dogs down there again by Sara and Ralph. I didn’t see or hear their dogs, so I hadn’t realized there was a problem, and Vlassic stuck right with us, I thought. Anyway, we have plenty of other places to walk, or we can lock Vlassic in the tack room if there’s a reason to head toward the Wild Type Ranch area. We want to be good neighbors!

Next Step

Since that had gone fairly well, we determined we would do the race again. At first, it was like yesterday, but this time I never let him turn completely around, and I used the carrot stick and my hand to get him facing forward again. If he got wound up, we just stopped for a while. It didn’t take too long before I realized he was walking normally again. HOORAY!

We made it through the scary puddles, past the scary gate, and down to the shady area. The wind suddenly whipped up and Apache went to attention. Mandi asked him what he smelled, and he answered her as best as he could.

Horse communication. I love this picture.

We then happily walked back, enjoying a breeze and some dark clouds. Suddenly I looked up and there was a partial rainbow. It absolutely made our day complete, as we smiled and laughed with each other.

Is there a food dish at the end of that rainbow? Vlassic does not care; he just wants to go swimming in the feed dish that’s supposed to be his drinking water, back at the barn.

We got back, and once again marveled that Fiona now follows me when I hold out my hand, and goes nicely into her pen. I guess the donkey’s getting well trained, too!

And Chicken News

Meanwhile, back at the chicken coop, Chris finished our new watering trough for the hens. This will make it a LOT easier to give them water, since I just have to turn on the hose, right next to the coop.

This comes at a good time, since Jewel (the black one) seems to have somehow broken a leg! She can get around, but anything that makes life easier on her will be helpful, poor dear.

We are keeping the other water dispenser in there until we know they are using the new one.

Fancy Pants is STILL broody, but we may have a new man for them, this lovely young Copper Maran who needs a home. I hope it makes Fancy Pants happy, and isn’t too hard on Jewel. If it is, we’ll separate them. We hope we will be able to get more chickens soon…

I’m looking forward to today and to the weekend, to see if I can keep building on the progress with Apache. I hope to have something good to show Sara!

Tubby Moved In

What a big day it was at the Pope house! First, Kathleen started unpacking and building her new office furniture 🪑. It was fun to see her desk, cow chairs, lamps, and more. I tried out her office chair. Ahh.

Besides that, Chris painted the break area cabinets. He first put a coat of Kilz on them to prevent more mildew. He also added some bracing to the flimsy construction. They will be fine.

Cabinets. The bottom one is braces to hold it together.

We have had trouble finding someone out here to cut our granite, so we’re just going to get a nice inexpensive laminate that we can cut ourselves. That will save time and probably money. We also still need a faucet. That will happen this weekend.

Trim for by the stairs got stained. Randy cleaned many of the windows.

Saving the Best for Last

But the most important thing is that Tubby got moved into the bathroom! First, Chris made some black wooden blocks for the tub to sit on. The theory is that it will distribute the weight over more area, so the tile won’t crack.

The floor got cleaned very well (that will be hard later). Then, Chris and Randy (in a most manly fashion) lifted Tubby up and carried it right in! Thankfully it went through the door. Tubby looks so white and gleaming!

The sink and toilet are ready to go in, too. Ooh. Ahh. We just need a few fixtures and the plumbers can come!

Horse Detective Work

One thing that happens when your circle contains a lot of former horse trainers is you get a lot of advice when you’re having horse troubles. I am fortunate to have not only Sara’s wise counsel, but also nephew Chris and my friend Mandi to help me think about what could be going on with Apache’s recent behavior.

I know there has to be something going on in his head that would make him completely freak out and refuse to walk down a trail he has gone down over and over again for years.

I’m acting freaky, but my tail sure is pretty.

Chris offered many ideas, and later, when I talked to Mandi, she had many of the same ideas. First, each of them asked what had changed recently. That was pretty easy:

New gelding arrived
Started training with a bridle and bit
Been ridden a lot more by Sara

They offered some other ideas, too, some based on what has changed.

He could be in pain from something. Saddle? Feet? Bit?
Something he is eating could be affecting his mood (Chris is not fond of supplements and thought they could be “hot”).
He doesn’t want to leave Spice alone with “the new guy.”
The differences between how Sara rides and how I ride confuse him.
He’s gone back to testing me.

So, yesterday, Mandi came by to do some observation and maybe eliminate some of the possibilities. It was fascinating to watch her work. I swear she changes into a different person when she is working with horses.

First, she looked at his food and supplements. She checked the protein content and other ingredients. His plain beet pulp (no molasses) was deemed benign, which I knew. Then she looked over the SmartPack supplements he gets, which are for calmness, digestive health, and hoof health. None of them are “hot” supplements and are things that he needs. So, that ruled that out. Chris later said that was a wild guess, anyway, because he’s been on the same ones for years and had a great attitude.

Then, while he was quietly grazing, she brought his halter over to him and just held it next to his head. After she put it back she said he tensed up, stopped chewing, and froze up. I had noticed that, but thought he was being willing to put on his bridle. Aha. She also noticed a lot of teeth marks on the bit.

Next, Mandi looked at his teeth. It was funny, because that made Vlassic bark. I think he thought she was hurting Apache. She said he has two very sharp teeth next to where the bit goes. Aha. Even on Sunday, when I’d ridden him with the halter, Sara had wanted the bridle on so she could ride him.

After that, we went for a walk (and dammit, my watch had run out of juice, so I lost ALL those steps). Of course, it’s always a parade around here, with Fiona and Vlassic both joining us. Apache was better walking than he was riding, but he kept turning back toward where he came from. I would lead him into a circle and walk forward more. He was also rushing, not walking with me.

We made it all the way to the end of the race, though. At one point, he really wanted to go back and Mandi said, sternly, “No, you walk.” He walked. Aha.

We chatted about what she’d observed and her ideas for improvement. She told me Apache seems to think he’s getting his way when I let him turn all the way around. He’s thinking he got to head home. So, I need to do something else other than the circles I’d been doing.

Then, after some nice shade and grass, we headed back. Mandi was on the alert for him to rush toward the other horses or otherwise act up. Nope. The dang horse walked beside me like the well-trained horse he can be. Only a little nudging into my space happened. He was a totally different horse. That ended the day on a good note, so we were all happy.

Other testing also went on yesterday. Vlassic tested how close he could get to Fiona before she warned him to get back.

We will try more today. At least I can be happy that Mandi said Apache obviously loves and trusts me, judging from how we interact. That made me feel good, too.

A Plan

So, from what we’d learned and all the advice I’ve received (with gratitude), I have come up with a plan.

We are getting his teeth floated. That will help with the sharp tooth issue. That was already on the agenda.

I’m not going to ride him with the bit for a while. He does fine with me using a halter, and maybe I’ll get a hackamore. We have time to try it again later, after his teeth are happy.

I’m going to ask Sara not to ride him for a while, unless absolutely necessary. That’s not because she isn’t good, but so that Apache and I can concentrate on our relationship and getting it on track.

Rather than circle him when he doesn’t do what I want him to, I’m going to try two things. First I’m just going to stop him, pointed in the right direction. We will both breathe, then move forward. Over and over and over. Mandi had suggested I make him go fast every time he starts to go back, but I worry he’ll run back. I’ll try that if the first idea doesn’t work. It was MY idea, but it’s something we did when we were in training.

I’m going to walk around with him a lot with neither Lakota nor Spice around. I have been meaning to do it, but putting it off. I need to invest the time. I’m hoping that will help our relationship and develop more trust in me. Of course, Fiona will come along. She doesn’t seem to be a problem. She’s stopped running around or interfering, now that she knows she gets to come every time we go somewhere.

Goal: back to our beautiful trail rides in the pastures! Photo by *@ivanatilosanec via Twenty20*.

I know few of you readers are horse people. But, if any of you are, your input is welcome.

Shinier Tubby PLUS Cabinets!

It seems like a never-ending saga, but it is a saga that will eventually end and has certainly been great for keeping us busy during the pandemic and such. So, what’s been going on at the Pope Residence for the past few days?

Tubby has been getting all white and shiny. Chris has now applied two coats of porcelain paint, and plans to do one more, because he’s not real happy with the bits of texture that show up from using a roller on the second coat. I’m just happy to see Tubby standing up on those new black feet.

Standing up on Tubby’s four black feet!
The first coat finished. You can see brush strokes.
The second coat looks mighty good.
But if you look closely, you can see it’s not smooth.

Chris went into the shipping container and got our cabinets for the break area out. He was most disappointed to discover they had mold on them. It’s not surprising, since it sure has been wet outside, but we thought it sealed better than it apparently does.

Sanding off the ick.
Annoying mold.

Luckily, the stuff came right off, and the cabinets needed to be sanded anyway before they could be painted. While I’m glad to see they were made of sustainably harvested wood, I must also say that the construction quality is less than ideal. They are also really inexpensive, so what did we want, anyway? We will get them looking great before finding our granite and putting it on.

Proof that the cabinets are sustainably made. I believe that’s their best feature.

Other stuff’s been happening, too. The stairs are now curing away and look quite shiny and nice. While that’s going on, Chris is painting miles and miles of quarter-round trim. Whee.

Looking down the stairs. They blend nicely with the flooring, but aren’t exactly the same.

And Randy is back helping out! Today he is arranging things on the second floor to have furniture (new and old) in one room, wood and other supplies in another room, and who knows what in a third. The bedroom leading to our deck will get cleaned up and maybe a couple of pieces of furniture put in it for top-secret meetings (not in the summer!).

Furniture storage world. It has an air conditioner.
The room that will be emptied out and cleaned up.
The spare material storage room.

It’s a good thing we have so many rooms upstairs that we aren’t even using yet! We are tantalizingly close to being able to put the bathroom fixtures in and call in the plumbers…yay.

Grace, Nature, and Humor to the Rescue

What do you do to get through trying times? You take it one day at a time. I am doing my best to just observe and not get all caught up in things I can’t control, like I’ve been saying this week. And I figure one way I can help myself and others is to provide brief diversions. What the heck?

Grace

I’ve been reading and reading ideas on mindfulness and they have brought me a bit of grace, I think. Here’s a quote by Joanna Macy, the Buddhist teacher and naturalist, about the times we are in and our relationship to the earth:

…It is so great a privilege to be here on Earth at this time….Being fully present to fear, to gratitude, to all that is–this is the practice of mutual belonging. As living members of the living body of Earth, we are grounded in that kind of belonging. We will find more ways to remember, celebrate, and affirm this deep knowing: we belong to each other, we belong to earth. Even when faced with cataclysmic changes, nothing can ever separate us from her. We are already home.
Lion’s Roar, May 2020, p. 50. Excerpt from A Wild Love for the World: Joanna Macy and the Work of Our Time, edited by Stephanie Kaza.

Guess what book I just ordered?

Nature

As always, nature has provided me with a way to center. The magnolia blossom that Chris picked for me this morning has filled my office with fragrance, and I found myself in a meditative state earlier, just looking at the structure of the center.

You can see how the current beauty is all set up to become a beautiful seed pod with bright red seeds. I take it as a reminder that we are always undergoing a transformation (including Mother Earth) and that we can gain solace from how destruction and metamorphosis bring their own beauty.

What’s cool is that it continues to change. The petals are folding up now (not happy we picked it, I guess)

I’ve noticed a lot of my friends sharing their gardens, whether flowers or produce, which brings moments of pleasure. And my Master Naturalist friends keep coming up with the best stuff! Look at this puffball mushroom my friend Pamela saw on her property, just a couple of miles from our ranch.

Now, that’s one big mushroom! I love all the patterns on it. Photo by Pamela Neeley.

Humor

And then there’s humor. I was rather surprised yesterday when I made a joking comment to my husband, and he took offense. He says I never joke around. This is disturbing, since I think of myself as funny. Oops.

But I decided that it’s a good idea to have some fun with images, anyway. I posted the following photo of a tile in my bathroom on Facebook:

I said I saw a Satanic goat (it has scary eyes). The responses to the post were a lot of fun. People saw a llama, a dragon, a snail, a slug, a horse, unicorn, a goddess, and a duck (among others). The tile is a natural stone called river travertine, because it looks like flowing water, so the person who saw the ocean was right on!

I decided I’d just post things that made me laugh, so I also posted a picture of poor Penney and all her excess skin.

There’s a second dog in there somewhere.

So yeah, I’m not going to deny the undercurrent of doom swirling around me, but my pet bobcat (or whatever that is) and I are going to keep looking for grace, natural beauty, and the absurd as we go through the day.

Oh, SnapChat, when you don’t have me worried about my kid’s safety, you entertain.

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t

Subititle: ME ME ME ME ME but not ME

Yeesh. Thing number one is that I am acutely aware that the deaths of black people at the hands of law enforcement is not all about me and my problems with it. So skip that lecture; I already read it here. I want to say I’m not interested in hearing how my reactions to world events are wrong, or that I don’t have a right to react because of my race, socio-economic background, or perceived intellectual status. I get to react how I react. I get to test my bravery, even if I screw up. I get to be upset.

Do I fall into the spiral, or sit on the edge and watch? Image by *@tampatra via Twenty20*.

But I do want to butt out of other people’s issues. I’m all for letting the people most directly affected direct their responses, whether individual or as a group. If I’m needed, I’ll step up, but since I am reading over and over again that I’m not needed, I will stand by and do other stuff. What other stuff? Well, here’s a really long list:

75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice

And I am going to point out racism, anti-free speech, and non-factual content when it’s in my face. No, I’m not gonna go troll everyone I know and shower them with my thoughts. That’s not gonna work, and I know it. But I might answer back if you troll me with your anti-liberal assertions.

It’s a hard line, which is why I gave the title I did to this post. I just have to accept that some people will damn me for not taking enough action or being silent, while others will damn me for speaking out in ways they don’t approve of. I will be taken to task for not responding to accusations or inaccuracies, then told I should just block and ignore anyone I disagree with. This is true for a lot of us right not.

It’s all an illusion, anyway. Image by *@anelehbakota via Twenty20*

But, I want to hear what people have to say. All of them, not just the ones like me. I can’t figure out how to listen to my more radical and more conservative associates and not talk back. My mom would laugh. I always talked back.

Luckily I spent a lot of yesterday reading Lion’s Roar, the Buddhist magazine. It reminded me that life happens, it doesn’t happen to me. And that life is hard, but that’s how you learn. It reminded me of the virtues of silent observation.

That’s the Lesson for Today

I have, at least, figured out why I feel uncomfortable (in addition to the obvious other reasons). I’m used to being a participant, going out and doing stuff, and raising my voice to work for a better world. Right now I need to be more quiet. You know, like so many people of color have to be, in order to keep from being noticed and targeted.

Right now I need to observe. That’s my lesson.

Brave Suna, Part 2B: Public Bravery

Since we’ve added a very appropriate new focus of concern for the people of the country where I live, I’ve found it harder and harder to concentrate and more and more difficult to see the positive in things. This is the other area where I need to be brave. Let’s hope the horse stuff helps me.

It’s been bad enough watching people turn dealing with a pandemic into a partisan thing, but now I see the exact same thing going on with protests about the death of a black man at the hands of a police officer (and more). People seem WAY more interested in deflecting from the actual issue (systematic racism) to other issues, in the most polarizing way possible. I am just sick about it.

First I Want to Say This

NOT ALL POLICE OFFICERS ARE SOCIOPATHIC KILLERS.
NOT ALL PROTESTERS ARE LOOTERS.
THIRD PARTIES, LIKE ANARCHISTS, WHITE SUPREMACISTS, RUSSIAN AGENTS, AND THE LIKE WANT TO DISTRACT US FROM THIS:
OUR SOCIETY MUST TAKE CONCRETE ACTION TO DEAL WITH RACISM OR WE ARE NOT A JUST AND FREE SOCIETY LIKE WE CLAIM TO BE.

Well, Suna, what qualifies you to say this?

Does personal experience count? I KNOW more than one ethical and principled police officer. In person. I’ve hugged them. I KNOW more than one passionate and peaceful protester who is willing to take action to improve the lives of black and brown people in this country. In person. I’ve hugged them. I’ve given birth to them.

That said, I am totally aware that telling people how to think and feel is not a useful tactic, because people will believe what they are already primed to believe. I’m primed to believe good things about liberals, socialists, actual communists (the very few real ones, not the “all media members are commies ones”), non-sensationalist news outlets, and intelligent people with backgrounds in the subjects they are talking about. I also think there are capitalists who try to do good in the world, and businesses that aren’t out to smash poor people.

So, news that fits in with my world view is more likely to be believed by me. I totally get it that if you are primed to believe liberals hate Good Americans, and all the associated beliefs, you will believe other angles. We’re just stuck with that. Can’t fix it all by myself.

What Can Brave Suna Do?

Or brave you, or anyone, for that matter. I get conflicting advice. One school of thought is to not let myself get all worked up about things not in my sphere of control. I can’t change people’s minds. I can’t cure diseases. I can’t make people learn to be less racist (other than me). So, I should just let go and stare at nature some more. Bravery, in this case, is being brave enough to live the Serenity Prayer, darn it.

But, I need the wisdom to know what I can and can’t control, right? Another set of advice I get tells me I need to speak up. I need to let the world know that the stereotypes of people like me are not all true. I need to not only say I’m an ally but BE an ally to people struggling. I need to listen to them and to learn where I can do better and maybe even make a difference.

And sometimes when I listen, I hear that, dear old white liberal lady, it’s not your time or place to protest. You have lived a life of privilege and have no clue what it’s like to be marginalized. Shut up and let the people who know the issues first hand figure out what to do. It’s not your job. I get that.

It’s hard to be a person with empath traits when there is a lot of hurting going on. You take on the pain and suffering of others around you, even if you don’t experience it yourself, but of COURSE you aren’t directly experiencing it. You want so badly to help, to make the world a better place for all of us, but you may not even have the right tools.

A sure-fire way to get eggs thrown at your house? Or worse?

So, what can you or I do to be brave about our convictions in public?

It feels really inauthentic, and to be honest, chickenshit, to do nothing when you see your friends’ neighborhoods being destroyed, your children putting their lives in danger to support others, other people’s children being killed just because they look a certain way, your friends’ husbands feeling uncomfortable in their own neighborhoods. All that. It won’t do. It sure won’t make our society any better.

One thing I can do is model the behavior I’d like to see in others and hope someone notices, I guess. I sure can’t order people to notice their biases (I DO try to notice mine). We can all give that one a try.

Plus, I guess I must speak up publicly. As much as I really dislike being labeled and insulted, I will calmly state what I believe, and when I hear false information, present another viewpoint. That may not be much, but it is one way to make it clear that the vast majority of us, no matter what label we put on ourselves, just want ourselves and our neighbors to live in peace and safety, even if they look different from us, worship differently from us, or love differently from how we do.

Why is that so hard? Humans, you disappoint me, deeply. And I’m human. I’m not proud of it right now.

I’m physically sick. I’d flee, but there’s no place to go. Must be brave and stick it out with the rest of the humans, many of whom are in much worse shape than me. George Floyd doesn’t have that option anymore.

Brave Suna, Part 2: What Does It Look Like?

This is a two-part part 2. Looks like it will be two posts.

The Horse Part

Like a good optimist should, I got on that horse again today. I was a little concerned about my attitude, not because of Apache, but because I’d been reading Facebook and becoming more and more sad/angry/disgusted/insert other negative emotion here. So, I walked to the barn and put thoughts of calm, peace and love in my mind, buoyed by some deep breathing.

Sara and I had a backup plan today. She was going to ride Lakota, our boarder horse, and I’d ride Apache. If all went well, great (she predicted today would be wonderful). If it didn’t, we could switch horses (I am not competent to ride Spice, I’m told).

I don’t want to ride anywhere, now, Suna. (Photo from a few weeks ago, as you can tell by non-blue hair)

We started going down the Scary Row of Trees, where Apache has always tended to want to go back or rush. It took a while, but we got him calmly walking, did a bunch of practice circles, then walked in a serpentine formation all the way back. He did okay (not great), but he was paying attention. Everyone was brave.

So, I declared we would now try the race again. Brave! That lasted about 20 yards. Apache again was having nothing to do with walking down that path. I spent a rather exhausting 20 minutes where he simply didn’t do a darn thing I asked him to do. There was backing, turning, going sideways, head flinging, ear pinning. WTH?

Fiona, Lakota, and Sara just watched me patiently coax and prod, and urge him a LOT harder than usual. So, I got off again. I managed to only briefly lose my temper, so I consider that a success. Sara said I did way better in being patient yet persistent than most people. Probably those saintly natural horsemanship trainers would be more patient, but then, they would be better at “reading the horse” and figure out what’s up.

Sara got on Apache, and I walked Lakota behind them (so I got to hang out with a nice horse and get some exercise). I can’t say I was pleased, but I guess I was relieved to see that Apache acted the same with Sara, though she had more tricks she could do (because she would not fall off). She eventually got him tired enough that he went forward halfway down the race. She said that was enough, because he was still all worked up.

Cowgirl Suna on the fancy horse. Note that I am actually smiling, which is practically a miracle. You can see Fiona way back behind us. This narrow field is “the race.”

I got to a gate I could use to get myself up on Lakota, so I did get to ride him back. That was nice, and it was brave to get up on a new horse out in the middle of nowhere on a wiggly gate. He didn’t act weird or anything, and followed my cues just fine.

Western saddle, reins, boots, getting there.

Meanwhile, Apache never did settle down, though he did at least walk back. He was coated with sweat and only calmed down enough to walk in one circle at a calm pace, which we declared SUCCESS!

Once Sara dismounted, he was his normal self, although sweaty. As I gave him a bath, I realized I felt nothing but love for him, and curiosity about what was causing his problem. I wasn’t angry at all! I wish I had that attitude when my kids were small!

Interestingly, Sara had read a post from someone in a group she’s in who said their horse started acting extra barn-shy and strangely when a new gelding was introduced into the herd. So, maybe there is going to be a time of getting used to Lakota. Hmm.

So, what being brave and doing hard things the past two days has taught me is that just getting through a challenge counts as success. I am not going to give up on Apache, but will work through the issue, however long it takes, so we will both feel good about ourselves and learn a lot.

Will this attitude hold for challenges outside my immediate community?

Tubby’s Makeover Continues

The serious work that’s going on at the Pope house is that the stairs are getting their final coats of urethane today. These pictures are from the first coat, which looks darned nice.

The color goes well with the floors. There will be a white trim band along the wall.
Shiny, but not too shiny

Chris didn’t sand the stairs very much, because, as he rightly pointed out, it’s good to have some traction on stairs. With my propensity to fall and slip, I will be very grateful for any help I can get. And of course there WILL be “trim” along the wall and stair rails!

Tubby Is Special

Mrs. Swallow says she hopes we hurry up and get away from her damn nest.

I just couldn’t wait like a good blogger and do my other writing before sharing this. I am so excited about that darned bathtub! It’s our special labor of love.

This morning Tubby went from drab to fab with two coats of flat white Rustoleum paint. All that sanding made a difference, because other than a few lumps from when it was cast, the outside looks pretty smooth and nice.

And then, what did I find in the mail today but the replacement legs! These are MUCH smaller, but do have claws.

Not as fancy as the other ones, but they do FIT.

Most important, they FIT. Those little black feet make Tubby look just about ready for his big debut!

We’ll have a helper next week, so Chris will be able to get Tubby set up and installed in the bathroom, and we’ll get the last few stains out of the inside. Gosh, someday it might even hold water (more likely, water the plants).

Suna the Brave

Yes, I didn’t write anything yesterday. For one, I had way too many meetings and errands to do. But really, I joined many people I know in being so overwhelmed, appalled, and upset about how black men and people of color in general are being treated in this country that I couldn’t find anything non-incendiary to say. So, I’m not saying anything else yet. I will, though.

Am I a Coward?

Tough on the outside, soft on the inside. A goal.

One thing about observing injustices in the world is I sometimes feel cowardly, like I really could be doing more to express the outrage I feel. Or take concrete action. (I have plans, though.)

This morning, however, I got a lesson that showed me I can indeed be brave, but that it helps to do so with a clear head and not from a place of anger.

Testing My Bravery

It was horse riding time on a very hot, cloudless morning. Sara and I met at 9 am, hoping that would be early enough for it to not be too hot. Wrong. By the time everyone was all groomed (including Fiona, who I am continuing to help shed her winter fuzzies) I was dripping with sweat.

Sara told me she’d had a great ride on Apache yesterday, though he exhibited some of his “druthers,” as she calls them, where he indicates he’d rather be doing something else, thank you. He warmed up fine, though.

Once I mounted, he began to hint that he’d much rather be over chatting with Lakota, the new gelding, who was not being ridden. I got him to do other things though, and we set out to go ride in our favorite pasture, where there is some shade.

To get there, you have to walk down a long “race” that’s used to bring cattle up from the far pasture. It’s mostly grass, but with the recent rains there are still some big muddy areas, which we usually just go around.

This picture of me trying to look intimidating but calm shows what I was trying to project at the dang horse.

Not today. Apache had absolutely no intention of walking down that race like he normally does. He kept turning around. When I’d make him go the other way, he’d back up. He’d go sideways. We crept forward (poor Sara had to just walk her horse back and forth), and eventually got to an area between two slippery muddy areas that caused him to slip and slide as he cantankerously waved his head around and acted pissed off. No amount of urging, poking, bopping with the stick, and strong language helped.

After about fifteen minutes of this and I could see that I was losing my ability to project calm thoughts and not act angry. And Apache was slipping and sliding to where I was worried for his safety.

If I could stay calm after realizing this huge caterpillar was chomping on my ankle last night, I can handle an ornery equine. (A live oak metria moth)

So I got off. He started to head back. Nope. We walked the rest of the way that we were going to ride. He was still agitated but at least went the right way, mostly. About halfway through the walk, he sighed and started acting completely normally. I was so glad I didn’t give up on him, managed to stay calm, and saw the day’s agenda through.

When we got to the end, we enjoyed the shade a bit, then I got back on (no easy feat with a hybrid saddle with high stirrups), and we walked sedately and calmly back. He didn’t break into a trot or anything.

Stay focused and calm and think of beautiful things, I kept thinking.

There was a bit of druthers when we got to the end of the race, because we didn’t go straight to the barn. Sara and I wanted to be sure he had a clue who was in charge. Eventually he realized that prancing around foolishly was just making him sweat, and he did the circles he was asked to do.

Sara said we’d had a real breakthrough and she was very proud of me. I realized once again that I CAN push past fears and do things that need to be done so that I and others (including horses) can grow and do better.

Whew. I needed that.