Ranch Life – Page 68 – The Hermits' Rest

Breaking in the Vacation Rental

I’ve spent my first night at your vacation rental, the Red House on Fannin, and I’m happy to report the beds work.

My friend Sheryl from Austin came up to see me and Anita, and it was really nice to be able to have her stay overnight rather than having to drive home in the dark just hours after she arrived!

Instead, we were able to drive around and look at Christmas lights, eat a fine Mexican meal at El Charro, then retire back to the Red House to catch up on each other’s lives. It was great for three of us hermit ladies to hang out.

Sheryl tested out the master bedroom and I tried out the bottom bunk. I quickly realized I need a reading light next to the bed, so I’ll get one with a USB outlet in it as well. The top bunk blocks light from the ceiling fixture. That’s an easy fix! We also figured out a few more little things like that, which I’ll implement this week as soon as I have a car I can drive.

What? Yep, my car started acting very oddly when we were driving to the Red House from the ranch, where I’d made Sheryl endure watching me ride Apache (it was back to work time for the horses!). It just didn’t want to shift gears. That was sorta scary, so I was glad we went down the back road. This morning we went over to look at the Venue where the guys were working, and I got some ideas for what to try before driving it to Austin. The best suggestion was to use the manual shift paddles, which I use so seldom I forget are there. That got me home with much less lurching.

Learning to use new phone camera features. And showing how I feel about life right now. Ya just don’t know what’s happening next.

I tried to get the car fixed locally, but they don’t do transmissions, especially of fancy city cars (implied, not stated). I did get the oil changed, which I know was also needed, because I’ve dawdled over getting it serviced for a while due to hating to go to downtown Austin. Of course, there are challenges with staying local. I was not at all amused to find that whoever changed the oil also changed the radio station to The Word, or some Bible station. Aha, KALD, which is a part of Houston Christian Broadcasting. I guess they were trying to kindly show me another public radio station to replace my Heathen NPR that was on. Except, it was OFF when I arrived at the repair place. Well, bless their hearts, I’m sure they meant well.

Meanwhile, Sheryl and I enjoyed a Mexican breakfast, because Los Comales makes the best breakfast I ever ate. After that, I tried to take her to the new coffee shop, but of course, it’s not REALLY open. Never fear, the coffee trailer run by my actual friends (Cloud 9 Coffee, it’s in a cute trailer) WAS open, so we got some fun lattes and forgot to get Anita her chai. Oops. Bad friend.

But, we did get to tour Anita’s house before Sheryl followed me home in case the car exploded. It didn’t, but the check engine light came on. I think we need to go get the other car, which is waiting for us at the dealership in College Station, due to us going out of town over the weekend and not engaging in obligations.

At least I got home and managed to get some work done. Soon as I’m totally done, Drew gets to trot around in circles some more. He has a new cinch that matches his saddle to try out, which will hopefully fit him perfectly.

I guess my life is just right. Some fun, some challenges, and interesting enough to keep my mind off the fact that we live in Bizarro World now.

Off into the Sunset

Literally. Today was long. I kept working and learning all day. I was in the tack room learning until well after dark, but when I’m learning horse stuff, it’s invigorating. I just soak it in.

Tarrin took some photos of me riding Drew at my lesson, which was late in the day, thanks to a crowded schedule (all that rain messed things up for everyone). The sunset was pretty, though.

The photos are useful, though, because they help me see where I’m doing well and where my techniques could use some work. Drew and I both are leaning too much sometimes! No wonder the saddle slipped at one point!

That’s the thing, though. Even if I keep bringing up my age (the autumnal years, riding into the sunset), I know I’m staying younger and more mentally astute by keeping on a learning path. We all need to have something that keeps us engaged and active, right? Studies have shown…and all that.

I’m glad Tarrin and all my horse-loving friends share their knowledge so we can all learn from each other. Off we go looking for the next sunrise.

Barrel of Fun

My day has already been made! Playing with my little Droodles has lifted my spirits as my nasal passages flow (I feel better, though!).

Was it just the sight of a donkey in the sunshine that cheered me up?

I don’t want to push myself again and slow down my recovery, but it’s a pretty day and I need to work with the horses despite the fact that it’s still sopping wet here. So, I walked out into the soggy pasture to do some bonding.

Drew came up to me, of course, so I practiced asking him to back up at liberty (no halter or lead rope). It’s something Apache does well, so why not try? He needs to do his backing exercises…and he did great! I was so proud.

Then I spotted the rogue barrel that had blown into the pond. It was finally in a spot where I could get to it, so I brought it up to high ground. It occurred to me that I could leave it there as a toy. Drew read my mind.

I was charmed and entertained as Drew checked out that barrel. He sniffed it, licked it, then pushed it around for a while.

Then he picked it up and stood it upright. We both enjoyed watching it roll around until it settled.

I tried to make it a video but it didn’t work.

He must have spent five minutes chewing on the holes in the barrel and seeing what it would do. I love how curious that guy is!

I ended up filming him pushing it around, and had to laugh when Apache joined us and had no interest in the barrel. I happen to know he does like barrels, so I bet he plays later!

I do wish I’d remembered to turn the phone sideways. Sigh.

Once Drew went back to eating, Apache got to practice backing up and walking with me. He was not at all into it. He is so incredibly dirty, too. I will be doing a lot of grooming next week. I’m almost up to it, but need to be able to breathe better.

I hope you enjoy watching my boy have fun. Happy Sunday.

Autumn of Life Is Here

When the fall color arrives here in the middle of Texas, it’s subtle, and you don’t see it coming. I love this season and take comfort in the quiet beauty of our cedar elms and oaks as they prepare to lose their leaves for the winter.

Today dawned sunny and crisp, but not cold. It was a welcome relief to see the sun for the first time in many days, and even more welcome was the sight of the new pond finally completely full and draining to the other side of the dam. After four cloudy, drizzly days, we had a large front move through overnight that brought enough rain to fill the drought-parched tanks for the first time since last spring. I guess the drought is over, at last.

The way this season has crept up reminds me of how I’ve been moving into the autumn of my life and not realizing it. I’ve been lucky to be very healthy since we came out to the Hermits’ Rest and have been growing stronger and more capable thanks to working with the horses and other animals.

But this illness that came up last week has been a very unsubtle reminder that I’m not a young person anymore. A cold that I’d usually just power through over a few days has made me weak and tired. I didn’t expect that at all. I keep trying to go out and get things done, only to feel worse and fall asleep for a few hours. I’m not bouncing back.

I am glad that it’s been so wet and muddy out, because it the weather had been good, I know I’d have been trying to force myself out to work with Drew, who needs me on him and working with him. But our working area is a little lake right now, and I am barely able to maneuver across the muck to get the food buckets for the poor horses. (They are not suffering; in fact, I think they are enjoying the pleasant temperatures and the abundant hay.)

And the horses have puddles to stomp in.

As I’m pulling myself out of the depression episode and feeling my mortality more than usual, it’s taking effort to not go into reflective mode and dwell on goals not achieved, mistakes made, and errors unaddressed. The sun’s helping me remind myself that I’m still able to learn new things, be kind to those who’ll accept kindness, and forgive others.

I should do more looking at reflections and less reflecting. This is the creek, with water at last.

While it’s true that I notice my memory failing and don’t know how much longer I’ll be a useful member of society, I do have confidence that no matter what, I’ll be able to enjoy each new autumn when it arrives. It may just be different from now on as I go from the autumn to the winter of life.

Seasonal Greetings

Yesterday was US Thanksgiving. I didn’t blog, because, thanks to still being sick, all my energy was taken up with cooking. I’m glad to report, that with some help and good cheer, the meal came out great and everyone in our little ranch community had fun.

Lee could not help, as he had a giant dog on his lap. (Joke)

It rained all day again. We aren’t getting much each day, but it’s helping. Between the dismal weather and my throbbing sinuses, I didn’t want to be out much, anyway.

Today I’ve felt a little better, so I went to the Red House to remove fall decor and make it look Christmas-like, since that’s the thing people do nowadays. I discovered the new wardrobe had arrived for the second bedroom. It’s rather large. Some rearranging will be needed.

I put it sideways but need help lifting the rug

There are now king sized pillows on the big bed, too, though I need to exchange one of the shams’ pillow for the new ones. New ones are pretty lumpy and would be better for shams, but I got too tired to switch them out. Darned cold. In fact, I fell asleep after writing the previous sentence. I’m tired

Otherwise it’s looking subtly like winter holidays are coming. Or perhaps it’s kitschy. I did my best. Maybe we have a guest this weekend. Still wanting a couple of “test guests” before going all out.

I also got a couple of baskets and decor items.

So far, the best suggestion I’ve gotten is to leave a few books out. That’s a good idea. I can leave some of the novels I’ve read and a couple of Texas books.

Time to go home and rest and drink plenty of fluids. I’m thankful for you readers and friends. You make my life richer.

I Can’t Breathe, but I’m Happy

Finally, the strep symptoms are fading away, but I think I also have a common cold or something causing me to be rather stuffy nosed. That, I can deal with. I took some decongestant and felt all right the rest of the day (and I got nice soft tissues, so I’ll survive). And not only that, I’m in much better spirits. Hooray!

The day started out pretty fun, as I tried to help out Declan as he figured out how to move round hay bales. There’s a first time for everything, and the two of us managed to figure it out (me with ideas, principles, and horse moving, and him with actually wrangling the tractor and hay).

I think I can, I think I can, says Declan

There was a lot of horse moving involved. They were fascinated when we moved the hay ring and had to try to see if they could knock it over. Then they were extra fascinated when the new bale came in (after Declan heroically figured out how to stab the rather unstable bale with the hay forks so it could move).

Once the bale went down, we realized it needed to be set upright, but the horses were having none of that and began eating as if they had never seen hay before. Mabel was especially excited, but at least she moved out of the way. Droodles stood in front of the bale like a statue, but once I asked him to move, he was a good boy. That impressed Declan.

Mabel demonstrates why you have to remove the hay net. She made it into a hat.

We were very proud of our ranching selves once everything was set up and the intense munching began. Maybe now Drew won’t keep eating in the bur field (he had a solid bur tail when I went to groom him). And next time we’ll be like professionals.

This afternoon was Tarrin’s monthly visit to the ranch. We were disappointed that the promised sunny day didn’t appear, but when we had a few sprinkles, we were rewarded with a rainbow that ended in Sara’s horses. I always knew there were attractive horses at the end of the rainbow.

Let me tell you what, there are two reasons I am so happy today, and their names are Drew and Apache. My horses lifted me up today, and I lived up to their encouragement and did pretty well, myself. Tarrin and I were both pretty darned pleased by the end of our lessons. We are having success!

Drew showed no signs of backsliding after getting back here and having two days off due to my sickness and the rain. He was lovely to watch when Tarrin rode him, and when we moved into the round pen, he and I made a lot of progress. We are figuring each other out and enjoying it at the same time, I think. I petted him and praised him so much! Plus, the new saddle felt great. I forgot all about it, which I figure is a good sign.

Apache, though, oh my goodness. The bodywork he got last week seems to have made a huge difference in how he feels. He was so calm, relaxed, and cheerful for his whole lesson…seemed like a new guy. Tarrin says his rear end really looked better, with no dragging of his hooves, etc. He could move sideways way better, even side passing adequately. I was right that it was hurting him, I guess.

Who’s this? Why is this in my Apache section? Well, it’s Apache’s mother, Nytengale! Sara found this picture today. You can see how he got his bay good looks.

Riding him was so much fun. He was so responsive to everything I asked him to do! That’s what I’ve been trying to get to with the horses. It takes me learning how to ride, the horses learning what they need to do, and getting everyone healthy and in shape. Tarrin’s so right that a pain-free horse can learn better and definitely in the case of Apache, they can listen better.

I’m not kidding, though, Apache seemed to be enjoying himself as much as I was. We are turning into a team. I think that’s good for both of us.

Oh, Germs

My strep symptoms are NOT going away as fast as I’d like. Oh well, it rained off and on all day again, so I couldn’t have done much other than work, anyway. At least I didn’t have to talk much.

Since I took no pictures today, let’s play spot the snapping turtle from last week.

Other than thinking about project lifecycles all day, the highlights of my day were finding some snow geese in the sky and having a good talk with my dear friend, Mike. He reminded me once again that he will listen to me. Of course, when I’m all overwhelmed with negativity, I never remember to call my support network. Maybe my first tattoo should say

Remember your true friends

Tomorrow should be a good day with sun and true friends and horses. Come on, antibiotics, kick in! Back to Starburst: the blanket.

Dealing with People Like Me

Advice for me, too

For the first time in a few years, I didn’t blog for a while. I’m not back because people were clamoring for me to write (in fact, no one said anything at all about it, which is perfectly fine). I’m back because I figured out some stuff about my mental challenges that I thought might be helpful for others. What prompted it was a lot of introspection I did after seeing some of these motivational posts in social media.

My mental issues tell me that no one wants to see the unmuted version of me. It’s been backed up all my life by folks telling me I’m too sensitive, too judgmental, too negative, too…blah blah blah. And thanks to having this extra-unpleasant “rejection sensitivity dysphoria” (RSD) deal, when I hear something that sounds to my extra-sensitive ears like a criticism or put-down, my limbic system kicks in and goes into defensive mode. That guarantees I’m going to overreact and piss someone off. Nope, no one really does want to see the unmuted version of me! Consequently, I do try to make myself smaller, to avoid subjecting other people to my unregulated self.

Break!

And this week, after being told how negative I was, I fell into a deep well of self-criticism. And when I asked for help and support, I felt criticized for not asking for it appropriately, and was informed that when people tried to help me, it made it worse. You can see how a downward spiral might ensue, even when I knew in my head that I was being criticized for basically being who I am, which I can’t change as much as I’d like to. Being told not to react to things that trigger me the way I do is like telling a tree not to have bark. Well, yuck to all that, right? (Note that I know the person I was talking to was not intending to be mean. This is just an example.)

So, I was wondering how I could have the reactions in my head that my mental challenge makes me have but mitigate it somehow. One thing I thought of was for people who are forced to talk to me when I have an RSD episode to not add criticism about my reaction on top of my reaction. For example, if I react to something by hearing in my mind that I’ve been told I’m the most negative person in the world, an unhelpful response would be, “No, I just said you were ONE OF the most negative people I know.” Yep, my mind heard an exaggerated view all right, but pointing out that I heard it wrong just makes me feel worse.

I wonder what would happen if the response was empathy rather than added criticism? What if my reaction was acknowledged, but not critiqued? I was thinking something like, “I know what I just said was hard for you to hear. Just remember I care about you, warts and all. Let’s look at what I was trying to tell you, not how it came across.” I feel like that would give me a chance to get past that initial reaction and be more realistic. Who knows?

Break

I have to acknowledge, though, that just like I have no control over reactions that aren’t conscious, other people can’t, either. That’s how people end up where they each build on each other’s issues until there’s some bad result. Talking to each other and trying to understand each other’s struggles is a good way to start, though.

I’ll keep working at it, but no, I don’t think I’ll be subjecting my unmuted self to many of the people in my life. It’s just too much for them, and I honestly don’t blame them one bit. Some people are hard to deal with, and I am one of those. That’s something I have to deal with!

(By the way, in my mind, I’m a cheerful person who laughs and jokes around a lot and has a lot of fun – I wish I could expose THAT version of me!)

It’s not necessary to try to make people you are fond of like you back!

In my heart, I know that the work I’ve done here at the ranch has been good for me. I’ve felt much better about myself as I’ve been finding the beauty in my surroundings, treasuring kindnesses I experience, and working to be as kind and caring as someone like me can be. And of course, hanging around with animals who help me so much has made life much better.

A dog this happy has to cheer you up (one of Tarrin’s many sweet canines)

The main reason I write this blog is to have a record of the good things that come through my life, like the nature, the travel, the uplifting people, and the things I learn. It may just be me talking to myself and trying to convince myself that there’s good in this messy world, but it helps. So, I’ll still be here blogging about horses, dogs, birds, and flowers.

Here I am, looking happy because I’m able to ride Drew and he likes his new saddle and pad.

You get to react to what I write however you choose to. I’m fine with that. I’m prickly, so I’m going to rub folks the wrong way, make poor word choices, and look at things from my RSD perspective sometimes. Oh well, it’s me. Who among us isn’t prickly in some way?

Always Something, Right?

It hasn’t been a good day for me, mentally. I’ve been meaning all day to look up why anxiety attacks cause intense chest pain.

I need to chill like a mini donkey on a brisk, sunny morning.

Okay, I finally did. That answers one of my burning questions, ha ha.

Anxiety attacks or panic attacks can cause chest pain that mimics a heart attack. It is caused by the release of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline during moments of acute anxiety or panic. The pain may come from contractions in the chest wall, muscle strain due to hyperventilation, or the sudden spike in blood pressure and heart rate.
Richard M Fogoros, MD

It definitely feels like hormones. So, if you’ve ever had those weird symptoms, now you know.

Of course it will pass. It’s just how I’m wired, unfortunately. And I was doing my best to focus on the good stuff.

Poor Apache seemed to be having an anxiety attack this morning before our lesson. I was pleased that he eventually settled down and I stayed patient with him. That’s hard when you’re keyed up for non-horse related reasons!

Drew and I didn’t do all that well in our long-awaited lesson, but it’s not surprising, since we’re both learning each other. I didn’t help by being shaky, but you deal with the horse and person you get every time you ride.

Today you got a horse who wanted to stay home and chill.

Like I read in a sweeping novel of the fictionalized Old South, “Tomorrow is another day.”

No matter what, sandhill cranes make me feel better.

Good day for a cozy blanket

Well well. I had good timing in finishing the main part of the rather large blanket I’ve been making for myself to sit under at the tack room. All that’s left is the border, which will be simple black clusters.

That’s the border up there by the crochet hook.

I’ll share the finished look when I’m done with it all, but it sure is long. I had to use all the colors three times.

While I was riding in the car to go get some groceries with Anita, I looked for other ideas for little projects. I wanted something with texture. So I made a flower square.

These are small, so I grouped them into four and made a larger square. I’m not sure if I like it or not. I may do a row of the flower color on the outside. Or I’ll try something else. Who knows. Maybe I’ll combine it with knitting.

First I’ll finish the corner-to-corner blanket.

By the way we got over 1.6 inches of rain! the ponds aren’t full, but they look good.

Declan helped me set up the greenhouse I got from the Red House when we bought it. All my vulnerable plants are in there, because we’re getting a hard freeze (about the right time of year). I’d love to get bougainvillea to over-winter!

Looking forward to finally getting my horse lesson tomorrow, even if it’s cold! The horses are nice and fluffy.