I got a call from Social Security today and found out that I get a back payment in addition to starting my benefits in April. I can pay off my last remaining bill and probably get by on my payments (barely—I am working on things to supplement like Substack subscriptions, etc.).
Happy bluebonnet season!
I am not all worried, at least, about the financial future, even with my 401K tanking. I’ve cut back on many things, so I should get by. Today I cut off the satellite Internet I’d been using for work, too. That’s such a weight off my mind.
It gave me time to enjoy curious calves. Nice.
One thing that’s good about not working is that you can do things you put off due to lack of time. There’s no excuse not to work with horses every day, and I still had time to clean the back porch and plant onions and flowers in another raised bed.
Yes that’s disc golf. If I can get another couple of jokes, fun can be had. Work area. Now writing spot. This is so much better than Just have to do a bit more dirt removal.
Plants are something I haven’t had enough time for, but now I can weed and water to my heart’s content. Yes!
New tree. I have been watering it!
Whew. It was good to have a positive day.
Penney would like you to know she heroically stalked a field rat.
After all the horse hugging yesterday, I did not expect the weather to be nice to me today, but it was! Now, it’s still windy as heck, but I guess that’s typical March coming in like a lion stuff.
Spring, the elusive season.
I’ve been unhappy with the weather, because all the flowers are coming up late, but it turns out it’s not just here. Friends elsewhere report similar late spring plant activity. I did go wander through the property today to check for flowers coming up, and they are there, just not up as far as usual. Whew.
Bluebonnet with a bid. Prickly sow thistle Field madderWood sorrelAnemone Dewberry Dwarf dandelionTiny bluet
The weather even blew a Barn Swallow into the house when a door blew open, which I’m sure was no fun for it. Luckily it found its way back out and the house isn’t all poopy.
What did you do with my wife?
The day was so lovely and sunny, though, which was a gift after so many days of angry clouds and dust. Imagine my surprise when we got a severe thunderstorm warning just as I was finishing a call with my financial advisor (depressing).
Can you see green leaves forming on the trees?
I went out to feed the animals and get everything all cozy, and even had time to ride Apache before it got ominous out. The rain that came was pleasant and didn’t last too long. Afterwards I noticed the sun came out while it was still drizzling. I knew was warm fuzzy gift that would bring!
It was one of the fullest rainbows I’d seen here in a long time. It was very intense, which is hard to tell from pictures.
Double
Little things like light refracting on water droplets can make one’s day!
Pot of gold location
But more awaited me. The nearly full moon rose and peeked over some leftover rain clouds and was so pretty I had to stop my errands to watch it.
There were no clouds in the west, so all the color you see is from the setting sun hitting the clouds.
Right now, when our horizons are quite cloudy, pausing to enjoy gifts like rainbows and sunsets can make all the difference.
…the love you take is equal to the love you make (Lennon/McCartney)
I re-learned this from a horse today, dear Mabel. Coincidentally, the blogging prompt today was about animals:
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
I have had an affinity with horses since I was a toddler, as I’ve frequently mentioned here. Even before I met my first horse, they made an impression in books and on television (I was a child when Westerns were popular, so you got to see lots of beautiful horses, and I read every horse book in the school library).
My good buddy for over a decade.
Horses always seemed to have good lives, mostly eating, hanging around with friends, and sleeping, with some running around to liven things up. That would work for me. Plus, as prey animals they look out for each other, but low rank horses get picked on by insecure bullies (a drama I often witness). That reminds me of how I ended up being very protective of friends and team members after dealing with a lot of bullying.
I love this picture of horse friends.
No wonder I like horses. They even have delicate digestive systems like me.
Mabel certainly has her issues. She’s choked twice.
As I’ve learned more about horses and how they interact with humans, it’s become so clear that your intention, your mood, and your demeanor affect them. It’s made a huge difference with me and Apache, and I’ve seen it break down with Drew due to his issues — no amount of good intentions has broken through his pain.
I’m just not able to help him like he needs to be helped. Makes me sad.
Healing can take time, and a horse in pain has trouble trusting people. That’s how Mabel was at first. Gradually, with good nutrition and care, she’s become healthy. And her attitude has shifted as well. I didn’t realize quite how much until the last couple of weeks, when she’s become downright friendly. All the love I’ve tried to pour into her may have helped, too.
This friendly expression makes me so happy.
This afternoon, after feeding everyone, I spent time removing winter hair and any new burs from each horse who’d let me. The last horse I groomed was Mabel, who isn’t as fuzzy as Dusty or Apache, but needs de-winterizing. I noticed how nicely she stood still and let me spend time on her, even lowering her giant head and asking to have it rubbed (I didn’t touch her head for at least two years).
I finished up, opened the gate to her pen, and set the grooming bucket down to keep the gate from hitting her when she left. But she didn’t leave. With her ears forward and eyes bright, she lowered her head so I could massage her neck. I ended up just holding this animal who’s as tall as me at her shoulders in my arms with her leaning her neck on my shoulder and her head cradling me. Other horses walked by us, but she didn’t move.
My favorite photo from last week.
I remained with her. We watched a rabbit flee from a Harrier, then watched the bird hunt all over our field, still calmly sharing love (or safety or whatever a horse would call it) with each other. It was the most peaceful time I’ve ever had with Mabel. Since I’d already exchanged hugs, love, and peace with Dusty and Apache, I was all full of endorphins.
It’s not always this way, but lately these animals have repaid me for my efforts with so much. It’s the way relationships should be, giving and taking love as needed. It helps to identify with the animals, perhaps.
The past few months have been pretty heavy. There hasn’t been much to counterbalance the sad, scary, and stressful. I miss Goldie, I’m disappointed that Drew and I aren’t meshing well, I miss the routine of a job (after ONE day of “retirement”), and I worry that more bad things will happen to people I love. As I read today, we’re in the middle of “the troubles” we’ve been warned about for so long.
I sorta feel like this guy.
With that background, you can imagine I would be in the market for some potentially positive counterbalance! Sure, hanging out in nature helps. But I was pretty sure by this afternoon that I could use more.
You need horse energy!
Spotted Horse to the Rescue!
It had been a while since I’d had an Apache horsemanship lesson, thanks to Tarrin’s glamorous famous horse trainer adventures and my endless nature exploration. Today there was a lesson scheduled, which was good news.
Maybe good news for you, Suna. It means I have to work.
One of the many disappointments last week was that I had to cancel going to a friend’s arena to participate in the first horse show of the year, a “virtual show,” where you can be anywhere and just film yourself doing the show tests. The weather yesterday did NOT cooperate.
That meant more time for Apache to bury his head in burs and make his forelock look silly.
I figured that part of my show was not in the cards. But I heard that Tarrin had the show obstacles set up at her house, and asked if I could do the two parts of the show during my lesson. She said yes, so I groomed the heck out of Apache (who had decided it was a fun idea to roll his white body on fresh green grass) and packed up a shirt with a collar and a belt. Off we went to see how we could do in a more laid-back setting.
Heading off to the arena. He’s loaded down with equipment.
Lee came along, too, with the fancy camera. He was also drafted into filming. What a trooper.
This is my favorite of his pictures. I’m talking to Apache while holding an awkward object and he is giving side eye.
Imagine my surprise when Tarrin said we’d do all three parts of the show this afternoon. She had the dressage arena set up, too. Unfortunately, I’d barely studied the dressage test, thinking I wasn’t doing it. Oops.
Lee was filming during dressage, so enjoy this photo of one of the horses in training.
But guess what? It all went just fine. Even I could tell that Apache and I have both improved, though he was trotting like the RV going down a dirt road: bouncy. We did okay on dressage!
It was not fascinating to Camena.
On the next part, I was very pleased with his stops and starts and his patience at the four obstacles involving picking up objects.
Checking the mailPicking up a “jug”The awkward cone we had to pick up. There was also a cup you had to move from one side to the other.
I was pleased with myself for managing to ride over a bridge, step him over a tractor tire, and do a slalom all while holding an awkward object. He even backed up appropriately and side passed over a poke! Major improvement there .
BridgeTireCorridor to go in and back out. Fancy footwork.
Sure, our gate opening leaves a lot to be desired, and he stopped during transitions on the barrel maneuver, but we can work on that! I was so proud of us.
Gate failWe did the barrels well, otherwise.
Will we get a ribbon? I am not even worried about that. I’m just so pleased that we are improving that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone who’s on a different part of their journey with their horse. See, I learned another life lesson, one that makes shows much more fun.
Look. We’re happy.
Having a bit of hard-earned success with my horse is just what I needed to buoy my spirits. I’m feeling more hopeful that I’ll find ways to get by, keep up with horse lessons, and have positive counterbalances to the near-overwhelming doom and gloom.
Now that my exciting software training/tech writing career has ended, I find myself bereft of a mission. I always have a project I’m working on to support users, but I’m out of those. I’m a creature of habit, so I feel compelled to find a project. But is it really a good idea to keep the projects coming?
I could rest, right Mooey?
Believe it or not, watching the cattle in the wooded area next to our house gave me an aha moment. Here’s what happened.
Peach blossom for distraction.
Lee and I went to Lowe’s to get some simple vegetables to put in his raised bed. We also bought two flowering trees, a peach and a pear (nope, not native, but, hey, they are Lee’s trees). When we got home, he drove the Gladiator over to the planting area and proceeded to plant.
Finished planting. Mostly herbs and peppers v
At one point, he booped his keys on the tailgate and that made the horn beep. If you’re rural, you’ll know what’s coming. A truck, something that looks like a feed trough, and a honking horn evokes the food urge in those neighboring creatures of habit, the cattle.
We enjoy eating.
At first just a few adorable calves appeared. One in particular really enjoyed playing with Carlton and Penney. We were charmed.
Dogs and calves
I went off to feed the equine creatures of habit, who nicely line up in their pens for dinner and tolerate my insistence on grooming them in the late afternoon. Everyone, even Fiona, is now looking good, except around poor Droodles’s head. But I’m getting there!
Two buddiesHe looks nobleSee, they look good. So did Dusty.
By the time I came back, all the cattle were crowded against our fence, waiting for us to feed them. Carlton and Alfred valiantly worked to protect us, which really peeved a couple of huge mama cows and the bull. There was quite a cacophony.
I’ve got them under control. Maybe not. Bark bark barkMoo moo moo
The poor dogs got so tired that each of the white dogs went in the swimming pool to cool off.
Ahh.
It took sooo long for the cattle to move back into the pasture, probably because the real food truck appeared.
We will just wait until night if we have to. Moo.
It dawned on me that doing the same thing every time a circumstance looks familiar can lead to disappointment. The cattle didn’t notice that the Gladiator doesn’t usually feed them, or that the “trough” was full of plants. Poor dears.
We aren’t known for our massive intellects.
I need to realize that I don’t need to go find a significant writing project immediately. I’m starting something new, not the usual transition from resting training material in one application or another. I can do something different. There is time to figure out what the next new and fascinating thing will be.
The lemony sun setting on my career.
In the meantime, I’m working on collecting some writing and putting it on my Substack, which you can go follow. Eventually, as soon as I let my thoughts come together in new ways, there will be more on Substack than new and recycled blog content about animals and birds.
And plants.
Who knows? Once I break my habit I could turn interesting!
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.
That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.
Ominous clouds from last night.
To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.
Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.
Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.
I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.
I felt all rumpled, like this dove.
The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.
We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!
No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!
I’ll just swim along.
Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.
And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.
In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.
Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.
PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.
I don’t know what to do but laugh. This month has just been chock full of unpleasant stuff, but like one of those clown toys from when I was a kid, when I’m hit I just fall down and pop back up.
It the right image but the toy looks best up. Image from Pexels.
That’s new for me. I used to fall apart. Now I react, but deal with it better. The bad news isn’t everything in life, I realized at last. There’s always good, too. Here’s an example.
Yesterday I’d been thinking how proud of myself I was. I’d paid my credit cards down and could see them being all gone in a few weeks. Ha ha. Wishful thinking! I’d only get that feeling for a few hours.
I’d been looking forward to yesterday for a long time. My friend Lynn Hagan was receiving an award from Texas A&M, and she’d invited some friends to attend the reception and banquet. We had to wear nice clothes!
Lynn on a big screen
I went to pick up my friend Pamela, who defied all the odds and was not late. We were enjoying a trip down the back roads of Milam County, on our way to get Phyllis, when I got a phone call from the contracting company I work for. as I tried to navigate unfamiliar roads I was informed that Dell has decided to end my contract next week. I’m out of work!
I’m impressed by how well I handled the call. I’d had inklings something was up, though I won’t know for sure until I talk to my supervisor Monday. I’m more annoyed that they couldn’t wait until the contract ended so I’d have time to get Social Security set up (if I do get it…times are uncertain). But I’m just fine. I’ll wait to see what the story is there, and in the meantime I’ll see what’s out there. It will be okay.
I admit I was not feeling great as I drove to College Station, but I ended up meeting many fascinating people and making friends at the reception and meal. It felt so good to be in a room full of humanities and science majors! I miss being around people of my background sometimes, though I feel like an intellectual elite person when I say that. It was fun violently agreeing on many topics and making everyone feel welcome.
Centerpieces were all white. Lovely.
I’m glad we were able to go support Lynn as she got her huge framed award.
I couldn’t sleep last night but I did not lay there and blame myself for the job thing or panic about loss of income. I just couldn’t sleep.
But today I did just fine, got all animals at least partly groomed. Mabel kept asking to be brushed more. By the time she decided to leave, her mane was gleaming. And Fiona let me work on her, too. Yay.
Then we left.
Today we are at Inks Lake State Park, which is too crowded for me. But our friend Jen is here, too, which will make it fun to do bird stuff. I’m going to work on my resume and try not to kick myself for dyeing my hair ends purple. Makes me look eccentric.
All the ideas I got from reflecting on my tarot reading last night swirled around me today. With the nudge I got that maybe I CAN get through these times and help others if I do what it takes to keep me centered, I decided to up my grounding ante.
I got enough time in today to enjoy nature, meditate well, and really see the big picture of what I’m surrounded by—the natural world and its order. Not always peaceful or perfect, but adapting as things change. Thanks, birds and clouds!
The clouds and sunset were gorgeous today.
After all the warmth and grounding I got from Apache and Dusty yesterday, I decided Mabel from the Stable needed a turn. She’d been looking at me with kindness and interest lately.
She looks happy, not worried.
So, after Apache did his workout, I haltered Mabel, which is her least good skill, and gave her some extra alfalfa while I groomed and de-burred her. Neither was easy. She had mud dried into clay on her coat, which even with my nails I couldn’t completely eliminate. And while her tail is a breeze to get smooth, her mane is another story. For one thing, it’s way up there. She’s a tall Thoroughbred-style mama. And it’s very fine. But I did it, and noted that she was pretty patient.
At least her tail finally grew out.
As her “reward” I took her on a walk, and just for fun, did some longe-line work in the round pen. She was fine, other than getting a little excited toward the end. Her ears were always forward and she stayed focused. I got her to back up and side pass a bit. Well.
That was a lot more fun than working with Drew has been lately. I think we will pivot and play with Mabel while Drew gets a break and maybe finds a home with someone who can work with him the way he needs. If not, he may be the pasture ornament for a while. An expensive one. But I still love him! He’s just too much for my skill set.
I’d look much better without the burs. Yes, I’ll working on him tomorrow.
On the other hand, I feel very calm and centered working with the other three, so that’s good!
Another bucolic scene of nature and peace, brought to you by our back pond.
The Universe has spoken. I’m on the right path for right now, and I’m reaping the rewards. Now I need to be an example for others. I’ll explain.
But first, look, I made a thing. It’s a small bag to hang on a hook next to where I sit in the RV. It will hold my nail file, pencils, and scissors. Not having an end table is a pain.*
I’m feeling somewhat better now that I can be outside more. I was even able to work in the porch today. No wonder I was able to hear 50 birds today.
My view was these two cows. One was not feeling well and the other stayed with her, licking her until they napped.
And more horse time has also helped. Lee put out more hay today, and while everyone else wanted to get into the hay, Dusty just hung around with me and let me remove burs. So when Lee was done, I gave Dusty a bonus meal and a grooming session. That helped, because he’s shedding even more than Apache. We even took a nice walk around the obstacles. He liked that. Much hugging was involved.
He’s looking good for his advanced age, just thin.
After I was finished working I fed everyone and took Apache out on a ride. He’s getting so much better at home. We had fun, and he genuinely seemed to enjoy hanging out with me. More hugging occurred.
He’s just so pretty to me.
I ended up taking lots of horse and donkey photos after trying to de-bur Fiona. I only got partway through. My hands hurt.
I appreciate your effort. What little mane he has is but free. He’s telling Mabel to relax and let Suna fix her mane. Hi exercise Beautiful bur-head. I’ll get him done if he has a mellow day. Apache has the big hay baleFiona has the small one. She’s pleased.
I know all those bird observing and horse hugging is good, because I went to a tarot group meeting this evening on Zoom. I appreciated the invitation, because I’d been wanting to get back to more readings, but didn’t want to get a scary one all alone. We did a five-card spread and each did our own analysis.
It may look depressing, but it made sense.
I won’t go into what each position was for, since the spread was just for this group. The gist of my interpretation is that I’m one broken-hearted wise woman who needs to turn away from what makes her sad and go meditate or whatever. As usual, the cards back up what I’m trying to do! The Emperor tells me I’m on a path of leadership, and that’s a nudge to go be a good example more. I’ll heed that advice and go do something: be a more vocal proponent of peace and universal love.
Anyway, that was a different and fun day!
*there is no pattern for this. It’s got a single crochet base and double crochet sides using two strands of Dishie cotton yarn. I seamed the center with slip stitches and added a handle 5 stitches wide. I put this here because I know people always want patterns, but this was just a utilitarian object.
I am feeling a bit better today, probably because after a misty morning, we had a beautiful day to enjoy.
Caracara found a dead opossum I made it leave.
After work, I went out to sit outside, but something caught my eye. I saw four horses and a donkey in front of the house, where the unmown grass is. Horse heaven.
I figured they’d finally noticed their fence along the driveway had only one strand of wire and it had mostly broken fence poles or whatever you call them. So I took out some new posts conveniently located in the garage, (ah, yes, we call them posts) and found a random piece of wire I could use to repair the broken wire-attachy-thing. This is not a permanent fix, because it’s a temporary fence and the original plastic posts are deteriorating. But it looks better.
The orange things are new and I “repaired” yellow the top attaching hook.
I got it all fixed, then as I was walking back I surmised that the horses (most likely Apache) had opened their gate to get out. I thought I must not have done as many tricky chain things as were needed to thwart him yesterday. I was all fine with that, since I knew they would come back in for dinner, and that field has some nice older grass for them.
There were little flowers to distract me, too. This is crow poison.
I went over to the bird-watching chair to write down what Merlin heard during my fence repairing (Purple Martin and Lark Sparrow were highlights). When I took a refreshing swig of my fancy soda I found in Kathleen’s refrigerator, i discovered something non-liquid and buzzy in it. I sure spat that bee out fast!
Fancy bee soda
About 20 minutes later, I hit ANOTHER bee, got more drink all over myself, and gave up my reverie.
Bee #2
I lured the horses out of the grassy field with some food, which rude Drew tried to knock me over for until Apache pushed him away and escorted me to the pens. What a gentleman. As a reward, Apache got all cleaned up before his daily workout. Burs. Yuck.
Two old friends. I’m grateful for these two.
After the other horses were finished eating every morsel in every dish, I noticed some teamwork going on. Drew and Mabel marched right up to where the broken fence was, ready to head back to the grass. The new fencing didn’t please them at all. I realized they had indeed broken out and also opened the gate!
Grr.
They went all the way down to the pond, testing for weak areas. They even pushed a bit. Whew, the fence held. Disgusted, they fetched Dusty for help.
We’re getting Dusty.
Then I just had to laugh. It’s like Dusty told them to chill out, and the three of them took a nap. They really had eaten a lot!
Zzzzz
I’ll probably find them out again tomorrow, but we closed the gate and the guy that is fixing Seneca the motorhome knows how to use it. Yes, all the yearly service is done and some things are fixed! There’s just a water issue to remaining to take care of. The cold was not kind to any of our couplings, it appears. But that’s for tomorrow. I hope I don’t have to disappoint the horses again.
The Hermits' Rest 