Ramblings – Page 28 – The Hermits' Rest

The Circle of Life – Not Fun

Warning: If the circle of life doesn’t go over well with you, skip this one.

I’m sort of sensitive, as you may have figured out, and while I have a realistic view of life and death, I’m still vulnerable to caring about the life around me.

So, last Thursday, when I went to get in my car to go to my Master Naturalist meeting, I heard strange noises in the garage. I wondered what the heck my little dachshund mix, Vlassic, could be doing back in the tool area. I called out to him, and heard “grr” in response.

I carefully approached the work area, where some things had been pushed close together to make it easier for my brother-in-law to get around with his walker. Lo and behold, something was wedged in the space between the work bench and the shed. It was not Vlassic.

It was big and gray. Was it a hog? A cattle dog? A coyote? Yes, it was a coyote. A very sad and scared coyote. I obviously could not help it. It was in pain and could hurt me. So, I ran in and told Lee. He said to go to my meeting and he’d help it get out.

He did that, and saw that it was badly injured, but no one could catch it (a wild animal) to take it anywhere for rehab. We were pretty sad about the poor thing. I admit that I cried.

The guys saw it go into the pond a couple of times, then run off after Alfred OPENED THE GATE and confronted it. Yes, Alfred can open the gate, he just chooses not to. What a great guard dog.

So, all weekend we’ve been wondering about the coyote. This morning I saw about twenty turkey vultures gathered in the pasture by the road next to the house. Was it the coyote?

No, it was a young possum that had gotten hit by a car. I probably over-reacted, but I was sad, because I am pretty sure I saw it combing home Thursday night, snacking away on the side of the road. I’m fond of possums.

Sent good thoughts to this guy, too. One of the weird things I do it say a little “prayer” or affirmation every time I see an animal that was hit by a car. They deserve good thoughts.

Then, this afternoon, I got one of those weird feelings like I should go out behind the house and check for things. I found a beautiful milkweed plant. I kept walking, because I saw a weird “root” in the pond. I’d never seen it before, and I pretty much know what trees are in there, even after the winter storms.

Sigh, it was the coyote. What drove it into the pond? I don’t know. But it turns out it must have been run over by a car. The poor dear must have been trying to end its pain.

The pond brings peace in many ways, even to animals in pain.

Lee and I are both relieved that our coyote neighbor is out of its pain, because we sure felt bad that were were unable to help it or put it out of its pain. Circle of Life. Ugh.

Life’s a mystery, full of joy and sadness.

Living our in the country exposes you to to the beauty and the struggles in nature. All you can do is observe and do your best. I gave our coyote neighbor a flower and said what passes for a prayer for it.

I’m glad I found it, because it could have messed up the pond by decaying in there. Now it is out (I didn’t do it) and it can feed other beings and the circle life will continue.

It’s actually been an okay weekend, other than pondering life and death. I just had to write this out, because I need to stop processing and get some closure. Sharing the story helps the coyote live on in my memory and the memory of others. That makes it immortal!

A Positive Change

Describe one positive change you have made in your life.

Since today has been pretty rough, I think I’ll just answer the daily blogging prompt. It is the perfect time to remind myself of the positive changes I’ve made in the past couple of years. The prompt asked for one, but I’ll share a couple. I’m quite proud of how much “personal growth” I’ve engaged in. It’s certainly making my “twilight years” more pleasant.

I made a new friend today, a hackberry emperor butterfly who sat on my arm for a long time. I enjoyed watching its proboscis.

The first positive change I’ve made is the most important. I figured out how to end the constant stream of negative self talk that had accompanied me my entire life. Looking back, I can see that I was always anxious and always felt like I could not please anyone, especially myself.

I’m not “cured” (everyone has down moments or days), but I’m so much better. I face each day in happy anticipation of enjoying beauty, learning new things, and contributing to the good in the world. I’m a better person for that!

I’m grateful to the support of my long-time therapist, my friends, and supportive family members as I stumbled through this process.

I found this particular beautiful thing in a parking lot.

The second thing I’ve done that has positively influenced my life is taking risks. Now, I’m not talking about skydiving or truly risky behaviors, but I’ve tried many new things and lived. Many of the things I’ve done with the horses are things I’d have hesitated to try earlier in my life. Good thing I listen to my encouraging trainer.

And of course, I always have a supportive donkey at my side. She’s usually just that close when I’m in the pasture.

The third thing is a work in progress. I’m way better about it, but I still slip into old patterns here. I am working to stop caring so much about what other people think of me and trying to get people to like me. This has been a long, hard road, but wow am I better now!

It all came to a head when I broke down and started crying and asked my neighbor to like me, because I wanted to remain his friend. He looked at me like I had three heads. Upon reflection I concluded that my life won’t be much different at all without him in my life and that caring about what he says about me would only make my life less serene. I’m just fine now and can just smile and be pleasant without worrying about whether I’m offending or providing gossip fodder.

I am not worried about what the cattle and cattle egrets think about the humans on the other side of the fence.

That’s because I’ve just about given up on caring what people think about me or say about me. I know who I am, and it’s not my job to explain myself to people who don’t care to take the time to get to know me or my perspective. I’m going to try to be kind and open to others’ perspectives, but not spend my time trying to present my ideas unless requested.

Goldie has the right idea: just enjoy the moment.

That’s so freeing! I have so many more opportunities to find peace and joy now that I let myself be whoever I am and like that person.

Such hard work. And still lots more to work on. But positive change is worth it.

Celebration of Floral Diversity

Long day that at least brought good rain without an accompanying tornado warning, that’s what it was. I did get out in the dampness to look for new flowers. Two I saw yesterday when I didn’t have the phone with me were hiding thanks to the rain, but I was pleased to spot our patch of interesting paintbrush flowers.

These usually red flowers do sometimes show some variety. My friend nearby has some yellow ones, too. I think they look wonderful in yellow, though, even if it makes them less interesting to hummingbirds. The apricot one is pretty spectacular, too.

I’d have had some beautiful wine cups to share, but yesterday the tenants turned the field behind the house into little while marshmallows of haylage. My hope is that they come right back.

Former wildflowers. And oats or something that they harvested.

Oh well. I have a few spots with grass making blossoms. Here’s some pretty peppergrass and little quaking grass.

You know, if you don’t mow until the flowers go to seed, you get a lovely show every year. Here are the two sides of my road. I like my side.

I guess we each get to do what we want to on the land we’re in charge of. We have some freedoms still! Speaking of which, now that the fish are gone, Mabel is free to swish her nose in the water all she wants.

Well, good, cause I’m thirsty. (Her ears are back because Apache is coming up behind her to make her move.)

And the sickly hen seems a bit better! You never know.

What’s Popping Up on This Beautiful Spring Day?

Today is so beautiful I just had to go out and enjoy it. Just gazing across the fields and watching butterflies flitting among the flowers lowered my blood pressure. The Hermits’ Rest is beautiful this time of year.

I’m still carefully taking photos of each new plant that starts blooming. Each new one makes me smile, no matter how familiar they are. I love watching the year progress. Here are some new arrivals.

The day was so nice I decided to groom whatever horse showed up. Dusty won the prize and got a nice de-shedding. He’s almost finished shedding and is looking shiny. Even his poor little mane is growing in, and his Drew bites are healing. They still play a LOT.

After he was all pretty, we went for a nice walk/graze. He had fun and got some big clumps of grass taken care of. I exercised him by having him walk over poles. He then helped out by cleaning up around them.

Things have really improved since last week! The magnesium supplements seem to have helped the riding horses settle down, too. Drew especially seems more focused.

I wish I felt better. The toes are not getting better, so riding hurts. I can’t even wear my excellent new shiny flip flops. I’m glad my Skechers flip flops don’t make them hurt much.

Lucky for me my nails are good. I can make them as gaudy as I want to. I put a “jelly” layer over cute little flowers. Then I stuck shiny stuff on there. Hey, everyone needs a hobby.

I’m weird

What is one word that describes you?

This question made me smile. I’ve felt weird my whole life. I made up a club called the Weird Happys (sic.) in middle school and invited all my interesting, smart, non-traditional friends to join.

I’m a weird donkey who escaped after dinner.

I’ve always been weird, non-standard and rather off center. That’s never been a problem except when I wanted someone I found fascinating and atypical to be my friend, but it turned out I wasn’t their kind of weird. Trying to fit in NEVER has worked. I eventually wear out my welcome and am shown the door. Like:

My previous job
My church (was informed I no longer fit their demographic because I liked small, community oriented congregations)
The animal welfare group I helped found (those of you who know, know why)
La Leche League (turns out I’m not a good cult candidate)
The yarn shop friends where I used to teach knitting and crochet (some individuals are still friendly, though)
My book group (they ghosted me!)
My marriage to my kids’ dad
Etc.

I felt bad about these things at the time, but now I realize I don’t need to put my weirdness where it bothers others. I have choices, and it’s better to be true to myself than to try to fit in.

These guys just deal with my weirdness because they have no choice. Awww.

Anyway, my word is weird, and I’m happy now. I’ll enjoy the communities I have now while I can, and move on gracefully when it becomes apparent that I’m not a good fit.

I’ll be as graceful as blue-eyed grass, which appeared this week.

But hey, I still feel accepted by most people in my Master Naturalist group (I don’t expect them to all love me, just to work together). And I’m doing okay in the little horse community I’ve found myself in, thanks to us all loving horses! That’s plenty of folks to be weird around.

I am glad folks accept that I get frustrated when I can’t ID a plant.

Plus, my hobbies and family keep me happy and centered. I can be a Weird Happy!

Working through Horse Challenges (and others) Pays Off

It’s been a challenging few days. Have you ever been through a period where even the simplest things turn complicated? It’s felt like that lately. I mean, I just wanted to wash my car yesterday and every one I went to was closed. No wonder I don’t like going to Austin anymore. And the dentist said I need two crowns. All that flossing didn’t prevent that.

But I got to see my former coworker for lunch, and that was positive.

Austin never fails to charm, though. The maintenance people at the hotel where I stayed mowed around the wildflowers.

Plus, I got through row 4 of my temperature blanket yesterday. The black and green square is where February starts. That was the ice storm, too.

The horses have been challenging, other than being so good getting their feet done. I was really looking forward to getting a lesson today, at long last. They were, at least, good getting ready to go, but that challenging life thing struck again and we couldn’t get into the road to Tarrin’s because a huge, stopped train blocked us. Sigh. But we went the other way!

We were between a rock and a hard place. (Actually this is another thing I miss about Austin, the limestone karst)

For Apache’s lesson, Tarrin tried to get him frustrated, so we did new stuff. To our surprise, he was all calm and learned to trot over small jumps. On the last one I did everything right and he JUMPED! And it was FUN! Hooray! Our hard work paid off!

We then proceeded to see if he’d leg yield at a trot. Did he get annoyed? No. He DID IT. It wasn’t perfect, but he did it! I wish I could say he never showed his Old Patchy behavior, because he did fall apart as we went to the trailer. I handled it, though, keeping as calm as I could. I’ve learned a lot!

You didn’t bother to take my picture. Hmph.

Drew, on the other hand, didn’t need a lot of prompting to misbehave. Or be a teen. He and I did ok doing some serpentine moves, but he decided I was easy to manipulate and melted down. I “got to” work through it and did a lot of leg yielding with him. No fun but we got through it with a lot of help from Tarrin and ended up able to weave through poles and go over obstacles. I was proud that I stayed calm.

When I was done, Tarrin ride him and he continued to indicate his displeasure. I learn a lot when I watch her handle rowdy horses. And Droodles did look pretty acting pissy.

Drew kept neighing his head off, which is quite unlike him. Tarrin said she’d never seen him act that way, either. Her theory is that it’s the extra sweet spring grass. It’s not making either horse lame, but they’re not quite themselves. Other horses are acting similarly right now, which made me feel better. It’s not ALL a lack of skill on my part!

Diagnosis: magnesium. I got some to feed tonight, and I’ll order more tomorrow. Let’s hope that helps. I don’t want summer too soon!

What’s Your Favorite Movie to Re-watch?

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

Oh geez I’m answering another prompt. But when I read this question, this film studies minor had quick answers. I’ll do television in another post.

I’ll just make a list of the top ten-ish very few films I have watched multiple times. Why few? I am not sure. I just prefer to watch them once and move on. Exceptions to follow.

The light was weird this late afternoon, due to a tornado watch. This is a lark sparrow.

Mary Poppins: this was my first movie. And my first album. It still charms me. Julie Andrews had such a nice vocal range.
A Clockwork Orange: the only violent film I can stand to re-watch. So artistic. So Malcolm McDowell as a youth. Mmm. So Stanley Kubrick.
Young Frankenstein: I will watch this any time I’m offered. And I’ll laugh my ass off. So much to love.
Most other Mel Brooks movies. I share his sense of humor. I grew up around a lot of Jews, so I love all the Yiddish.
Zoolander: another one that never ceases to crack me up. Also my horse has a lot in common with Zoolander. Only can turn in one direction.
Best of Show: dog humor. Improv. All my favorite actors in one movie.
Star Wars — all of them, even the dumb ones. I love Luke.
American Gigolo: naked Richard Gere. Need I say more? Also the soundtrack thumpa-thumping its disco way through a very enigmatic plot. I have no idea what was going on.
Casablanca: because it makes me think of Anita and the good parts of high school.
Rashomon: because it reminds me of the good parts of college. And because I can always use a reminder that reality is relative. Plus. Hilarious Japanese samurai talk.

Everyone Is Busy

You hear that a lot, right? That people fill their lives with too much stuff, make their kids too busy, etc. true, I like to be doing things and am no good at just sitting. But I declare that some of the things that occupy my time aren’t making me busy.

All the knitting and crocheting I do calms and soothes me. I’m not busy.

I would guess that most of us have ways of looking busy that actually relax us. Some take us away from our numerous tasks and duties. You know, like reading. Dang, I read a lot of magazines. They don’t make me think for overly long stretches, and there are pretty photos.

I’m glad not all magazines have disappeared. And I’m sorry I used to think this was a yucky magazine, but it’s fascinating and full of turquoise and respectful stories about Western people.

Anyway, I just wanted to say it’s okay to fill your like with things you enjoy, even if it makes you seem too busy. Your only too busy if what you’re doing makes you upset or exhausted.

Speaking of busy, for the FIRST TIME EVER all 8 chickens laid an egg today. This didn’t even happen when they were young!

Yes, everyone is busy. My goal is to be an enriching kind of busy, surrounded by pastimes I love, beauty, and interesting people. This will keep me young and vital. I hope.

We keep busy by eating. And yes, Suna now feeds our bull buddy when we eat.

Goldie and Her Friends Attend to Important Matters

I always wonder what the animals do all say when I’m working. Today I snuck out and spied on Goldie, to see what was going on in the woods. Soon the whole pack joined her for a very important meeting with the neighbors.

Hello, hello, let’s all take our places.

Apparently, the dogs and cattle had some items to discuss, and Goldie was in charge of getting things going.

Where the heck are the refreshments? The cows aren’t sharing their milk.

It’s time for the meet and greet. Let’s all touch noses. Wait your turns, Brownie and Blackie!

Now that we’re all here, let’s go over the dog agenda. You cows need to stop moving around in the woods at night. We can’t hear the coyotes and hogs for all your stomping.

Wait wait! The rest of the dog committee wants to make our points!

Ooh. It’s Alfred. We have to listen to him. He guards us. Let’s all touch his nose.

Dang it, I’ve lost control of the meeting. You guys, get back with the group. Penney, go back inside.

We’re breaking into subcommittees. Mooers to the left, stompers to the right, please. Barkers in the middle.

I’m lobbying for less barking and more nose touching. Will you go along?

At the above point, Vlassic and this calf appeared deep in conversation. The calf was nodding and seriously considering what Vlassic had to offer.

Meeting adjourned! Let’s go bark, moo and stomp!

And the party is continuing as I type. The animals seem to genuinely enjoy their interactions. Humans with the agenda of napping, however, wish they’d find another venue for their get-togethers.

What’s My Name?

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

This was today’s blog prompt. I know I already wrote today, but wanted to contribute. My name can be difficult!

Who am I? I see my dad when I look in the mirror.

My middle name given at birth is Ann. I’m one of the few people in my immediate family who doesn’t go by their middle name. My dad, mom, brother, sister, maternal grandmother and many of my dad’s siblings go or went by their middle names. My husband does, too.

I go by both my names, Sue Ann (when I’m not Suna, my self-bestowed name). I’m named for Bettye Sue (Aunt Pug) and Doris Ann, my dad’s sisters. I’m glad I got their middle names.

I think I wrote a post once about not calling me Sue. Yes. I did. So, go read that for more. I like having one of those Southern US two-word names. I do like them separated, so it’s vaguely annoying that Dell spelled my name SueAnn in their directory and what show up in email sent to me. It could be worse. Most of my Indian colleagues have some very interesting initials and truncated names in the system. You need to ask what to call them.

Names matter. Find out what people want to be called and pronounce it well. Folks appreciate it.