This morning, Lee was reading over my recent posts, and he spotted a couple of typos. While I was fixing one, I found another. It’s great to have another set of eyes to look over things for you.
One of the errors was pretty funny, in which I called Lee’s brother, Jim, his father. He’s Chris’s father, not Lee’s! That gave us a good laugh.
Then, Lee said he wrote about being grateful for typos in his journal today (he always says what he’s grateful for as he plans his day and does the dozens of other activities his journaling system entails. He kindly shared it with me:
That says:
Gratitude: Typos and awkward, ambiguous sentences are mistakes we all make and I believe we can all admit to. They give us the opportunity to practice gracefully admitting our imperfections. Hopefully we can apply these lessons to other areas of our lives.
Lee Bruns, personal journal
I thought that was a lovely way to look at our human slip-ups, as chances to practice grace and acknowledge our all-too-human slips.
What’s not to love?
That said, you can always let me know if you see a typo, or if you don’t understand something I’m trying to convey here. Since I’m mostly just “thinking as I type” here, I’m bound to get lost at times. I appreciate the chance to interact with readers, anyway!
And now, I must shift to what will be a difficult volunteer group meeting, if they get to the hard topic before I have to leave for a paid work meeting.
Usually the biggest criminal activity on our road at the ranch is people driving way too fast (once you know how to drive weird and avoid the potholes, I guess you can do that). Mandi and I are watching YOU, white dually that is not Gary’s and shiny red pickup!
When not sleeping, these ladies are also watching bad drivers.
We worry about it, because we have two neighbors who jog or walk down the road often, a guy on the world’s slowest scooter, and a family that enjoys going down the road in their utility vehicle. These seem like easy targets for someone driving fast and looking at their phone (like the above folks).
However, today, there’s evidence of a Federal crime, right at the edge of our property, where the Vrazels’ other cattle are!
That doesn’t look good. Note you can see our house. Thanks to the criminal for obliterating the address stickers for privacy.
Someone shot up the mailbox of the family across the street from us rather thoroughly. At first I thought someone had put a firecracker in it, but then I saw all the shotgun shells. Whoa!
That’s just so classy. Not.
It’s odd that all the other mailboxes were fine. Sure, there can be many explanations. Maybe it was a birthday prank. Maybe they planned to get a new mailbox and shot up the old one for fun. Right next to the road, near valuable livestock, and in line of sight of our house. Glad they just blasted parallel to the road, I guess.
Feel free to imagine the reactions among our family. The one I am not scared sh**less of involves another game cam to detect vehicles. I didn’t call the sheriff, since it isn’t my mailbox and I’m pretty sure the mail carrier will report it. Federal crime, tampering with mailboxes!
Anyway, I feel bad for the neighbors, since the mailbox may have had sentimental value, having belonged to the previous resident, their family matriarch. Sniff.
Today I spent my lunch hour moving some of the things I can carry myself over to my new office. First, Chris helped me position the desk on the rug, so we know that will work fine.
Ooh, what’s behind the door?
Then, I brought in my plants, who will be happy to have a “home” at last. I was able to bring over my hat rack, chairs, and some big decor items, and it already is looking cozy.
Ooh, why is the plant blocking our view?
Most of the stuff in the office will shift around as we finish things off, but it makes me happy already.
Ooh! It’s the desk!
What’s Next?
This weekend I will get the filing cabinet and rolling drawers moved over, as well as a bookcase I’m gonna use until Chris makes the built-ins behind my door.
Ooh, look at all the stuff. It’s the view from the desk chair.
My office chair will come in from the ranch house, too (that one fits better in the room. And I’ll build the big bookcase that’s in a box in the bathroom. I’m hoping Lee can help hold up some parts while I put it together. I want to let Chris concentrate on the stair rails.
Ooh, the seating nook. It needs the lamp and a table. And no one likes that rug. The little fireplace will be sitting on the tile at right.
After that, all the furnishing will be done. We are still waiting for the glass in the interior window and the shelves that will go in there. That will hold shiny glass stuff. The glass top for the desk is also important, especially since leaving the doors outside for so long has additionally “aged” them. More character! I do have a smaller piece of glass on my current desk that will be a fine substitute.
Ooh, you can see the red inside the desk from here. The new chair will be white. My big tree art will go above the upholstered chair.
And Chris said he would build a cool custom shelving unit behind the door, which will be triangular. I have a hanging light fixture for the seating area that will need some work to install, plus something to hang the spider plant from.
Ooh, I like my pink vases. Wish I’d gotten the third one before Pier 1 went out of business. My sister gave me the cool old chair.
But I can use the office while that’s going on, for sure. And I can leave things in the old office until there’s a spot for them. I hope you enjoy the current pictures, and look forward to Phase 3 (with maybe some art, too!) as much as I do. It’s the most exciting thing of my quarantine period! Well, maybe next to Rip the bull calf.
That bottle will go somewhere else. But, that’s the view from the desk.Bathroom door shut. Peace plant in corner. I can hang a picture from those electrical conduits.The hat rack and second seating nook with mother-in-law tongue plant. That door is permanently closed. There will be art above the door, probably my bluebonnet painting. The filing cabinet will be under the window.
Two hours later: I already decided I didn’t like the way the chair looks in the above photo, so I moved it.
The day I’ve been waiting for has come! Fancy Pants finally started laying eggs again! That took a while.
No longer Miss Broody! I love her ombré eggs.
No, that’s actually not the big news. It’s that I am able to put things in my new office. Chris said so!
Ooh. Ahh. The rug in the back left blends in a bit much, so I may change it out.
The rug for my floor magically showed up, so Lee and I spread it out. Hmm. It’s blue. No idea why I bought that rug, but the color goes nicely with the ceiling and the wall decor thing.
Looking out. The window will have stained glass hanging in it. The bathroom contains the bookshelf that I’ll build this weekend.
The pole thing shows where my desk will go, approximately. The desk has made it to the Pope house, but isn’t put together yet. I’m not sure if we’ve ordered the glass for it yet.
The window in this picture will be frosted to let in light but have privacy.
It looks like this weekend I’ll move more stuff in, though I’ll have to stay at the other office until we can officially occupy the building. The stair rail is almost done, too!
My favorite view, where you can see the ceiling. Picture the little stove over by the mantel, a chair in the corner, and my desk on the rug.
There’s just so much in my head that I’ve no time nor ability to write. I was analyzing work stuff in my dreams last night. I couldn’t stop dreaming about data.
Hey, grasshopper, you’re supposed to distract me.
I’ve pushed through everything today, which is great, but there’s still more coming up! Being occupied with work challenges isn’t all bad, of course. It keeps your mind off the state of the world, sick friends, and natural disasters.
That’s really a cool color!
I did enjoy a lovely sunset last night after the wee bit of rain. And I reconnected with a friend from grad school whom I greatly admired and had thought about often.
Plus, I can disguise myself with even more masks, since I got some pretty ones in the mail. Guess I’m not a plain black mask person.
I’m blinding and blingy.
Hope you’re handling your surprises and learning curves today. We’re all in it together.
Today has not sucked. Chris is back at work on the Pope house, so I got a glimpse of the stair rail progress. Ooh.
Rail in progress.
And I got an awesome mask from my friend Angela in Austin, who knows I love The Who. She made me one like her husband’s. I looked better in the picture where it’s upside down, so you get two pictures.
I look much less tired in the exercise photo.
Plus! Look what I found today! That’s right, one of the “new” hens finally went into production! I think they may all have white eggs, so I don’t know who laid it. But yay.
White pullet egg.
And…it rained a little. Enough to cheer up the free ranging chickens (and guinea).
The answer is yes, Suna loves magazines. The view from either side of “my” chair at the ranch house will tell you so.
That’s Western Horseman, Interweave Knits, and New Scientist. And a book.
I’m worried that they will all go away, though. They get thinner and thinner. Then they go quarterly. Then they’re only online (bye Newsweek).
That’s Science News, Texas Parks & Wildlife, and books. Hmm. And my hand.
Sometimes I feel like I’m keeping the entire industry going. But I like them. They’re a happy surprise when I check the mail. I never know what I’ll get to learn about. And, in some cases, they’re something pretty and harmless to take my mind off real life.
I just love the variety of writing styles and topics. And I have so many interests. I wish I had a magazine for each of them! But I’d have no time to pursue those interests if I did.
Believe it or not, I’ve cut down lately. Some for financial reasons, some for the aforementioned trend of magazines folding. But here are some I read, and why:
New Scientist: it’s a weekly from the UK. I like it’s perspective. But once my inexpensive first year is over, it will go.
Science News: Lee has subscribed for decades. It summarizes research for lay people, but has no agenda. It’s weekly and US focused.
Interweave Knits. Most wonderful knitting magazine left. We almost lost all the Interweave publications. I had to cut a couple others, but I still get this one. Great writing.
Knitter’s. Basically I like the folks who run this and want to give them money. Benjamin Levisay is a great human. I hardly knit anymore but want to support the industry.
Texas Parks & Wildlife. I volunteer for them as a Master Naturalist. Plus they deserve my support. Also great photos and articles by people I know.
Texas Highways. Used to be for ideas of places to go. Now for info on places I miss.
Western Horseman. Best horse and western lifestyle magazine. Fantastic writing. Great photography. I learn so much history and horse lore. They have a wonderful monthly feature on women of the west.
Horse and Rider. I think. This used to be two monthly magazines and is now one quarterly one. Lots of horse health information and at least some of the horses aren’t quarter horses.
Equus. Okay I like to look at horses.
InStyle. I’ve read this since it started. Fashion stuff but pretty darned feminist. Escapism.
HGTV. Well, I renovate houses. It’s practically work related. Rather lightweight and overly trendy.
This Old House. See above, but more practical information and less trend-focused.
Architectural Digest. Not what it used to be. I miss the really long articles on architecture. But I love all the interesting buildings around the world.
Psychology Today. I just love it. It’s fun and often helpful. Not all that scholarly, but at least it has references.
Lion’s Roar. Buddhist stuff. You learn a lot about the different traditions and get good ideas for personal growth.
Mother Jones. To get me all riled up about stuff. Hard to read sometimes. Makes me sad.
Condé Nast Traveler. It comes for free. Too many expensive places I’ll never get to go to.
Woman’s Day and Good Housekeeping. For recipes and silly craft ideas. Relaxation reading.
National Geographic. I love all the biology, botany, geography and other research they share. Still informative after all these years.
Southern Living. This used to be more interesting, but I still like to learn about different places, and see more interiors. And there are recipes.
Veranda. No idea why I thought I needed another home decor magazine. I guess I like to look at houses.
Living Bird. This comes from my Cornell Labs membership to support their work. I like it better than other bird magazines.
AARP. I don’t ever get to this, though there are occasional articles I like. Still loathe to admit I’m in the demographic.
My view while reading. Pond, birds, dogs (beside me) and clouds.
See, I’m supporting an entire industry. At least it keeps me off Facebook, so people will stop looking down on me for it. Too bad. I also like far-flung friends.
The canine companions. Harvey hates heat.
So, any recommendations? What periodicals do you enjoy? Do you read on paper or online? Do you save any? So many questions. Gotta get back to reading.
Sometimes I’m really grateful for blog comments, because they can get me thinking about things that are important to me. Recently, a comment was shared by Edith on my May 6 Toxic Negativity post. In addition to some lovely personal sharing, she made this point:
I’d be interested to hear more about what you get out of communication as well, because I believe most people do it to exchange and amplify emotions they wish to experience whereas while I do enjoy exchanging wanted emotions I mostly want to exchange ideas so sometimes I bring up something negative because I want to solve it, without realizing that not all problems are solvable and that not chewing on it might be better.
Blog comment, July 30, 2020
This is the kind of topic a person with my background in linguistics and pragmatics lives for. What Edith’s wanting to know about is not what the things I say mean (semantics) but what I’m trying to do with my words (pragmatics). Guess what leads to confusion and mis-communication? When you say something with one intent, and your communication partner interprets it another way.
Here’s an example:
Me: There’s Alfred hair all over the floor. Lee: Hey, I’ve been doing the books all day – I don’t have time to sweep.
So, maybe I was just noticing that the hair is there, not judging Lee’s housekeeping skills. Or, maybe I was thinking I should be doing some sweeping. Or maybe I was actually judging Lee. How to tell?
Alfred DOES shed a lot.
Well, if we were talking in person, Lee could tell by my tone of voice (stern, teasing, surprised), or he could see by my actions that I was heading to get a broom or crossing my arms in irritation. Those are among the many ways we can infer motivation to other people’s speech.
One method of communication we aren’t using so much these days. Photo by @Nodar via Twenty20
But these days, a lot of our communication comes via text, Twitter, Facebook comments, messenger app, or email. We lack a lot of those tone of voice and mannerisms tools for conveying additional meaning. We do have ALL CAPS and emojis, of course. But you can easily see how it can be a lot harder to figure out what someone is actually trying to convey outside the literal words they’ve typed.
I’m pretty sure Edith has been reading a lot of emotion-charged content lately, especially on Facebook/Twitter, etc. I see a LOT of content that repeats time-worn phrases or buzzwords that do seem to me that they aren’t intent on conveying information, but rather to vent, convey frustration, state which “team” they are on or show their disapproval of others. I even see them getting irritated when folks want to talk about what they actually SAY.
Yep, sometimes technology obscures intended meaning. Image by @Mehaniq via Twenty20
In fact, I often see that when people are genuinely wanting information, they specifically say so. They’ll say, “I really want to know,” or something like it. So, it seems to me that a lot of us are interpreting things we read and even hear as just folks blowing off steam.
That’s great unless you’re someone like Edith, who doesn’t work that way, and really just wants to respond to what the words are saying, not underlying implications.
What to Do?
Well, one thing that helps is to ignore people who just seem to be blowing off steam. They don’t really want to exchange ideas, information, or heaven forbid, facts/evidence.
If you think someone may actually want to be conveying information or getting your input, though, you can always try my favorite from back when I helped mothers breastfeed, “active listening.” It includes the technique where you paraphrase what you think the other person is trying to say, and get confirmation or clarification. You say something like, “What I hear you saying is X; is that right?” and the person either confirms or explains. (Summarizing, below)
Thanks to Education Corner for the graphic.
While this can get annoying REAL fast if you repeat it throughout a conversation, used sparingly it can head off those occasions where you get ten minutes into a heated discussion only to realize you were talking about different things.
You can always try the reflecting part of active listening, “When you say X, it makes me feel Y,” which is supposed to be better than blaming, name-calling, or labeling (for example, “That was stupid”). The idea is that you’re pointing out that the words are the problem, not the person saying them. This is another technique that can easily backfire (So, don’t say, “When you say those Confederate statues are your beloved heritage, it makes me feel like you don’t think black lives matter,” because that conversation will turn ugly very quickly.)
This takes me back to the first option, which is ignoring stuff you know isn’t really about exchanging information. Occasionally, with people I know or am related to, I will ask if they really want to start a conversation about Topic X, because I actually do know something about it and can share information. There have been times where one of us learns something that affects our feelings one way or another or gets us to re-evaluate and think about the topic based on new evidence, which is the goal of a good discussion, isn’t it? (That is opposed to a good venting session, the goal of which is to get hearty agreement that our way is RIGHT, and those other people are doofuses. Sometimes we need these, but we need to know when we are in a venting or information exchange interaction!)
Fill in the blank, venting, chatting, lecturing…
I guess my conclusion is there’s lots of reasons to communicate, and lots of WAYS to communicate in addition to the face value of the words in sentences. To succeed, whether you want to share information, educate, insult, or vent, you need to first agree on the mutual goal. Otherwise, we’re just talking (or typing) at each other rather than with each other.
I don’t know if any of this has helped at all. There is more I could say, but no time to say it, since lunch is over, and I need to go to some more work meetings and nod my head and smile a lot or help someone solve a problem (I like the latter kind best).
The Next Day
Someone said they couldn’t follow this well, because it’s written, not spoken. Then I couldn’t tell if they were joking or serious, because there were no emoticons. I rest my case.
At this very moment, I’m not in a negativity spiral; in fact I’m feeling as normal as a person getting ready for a reorg and dealing with sick people all around me can feel. But, from what I hear and from my own experience, the negativity can jump out and make its presence known quite suddenly and quickly. I think even the most resilient among us is finding it challenging to keep looking to the bright side these days.
The shift from negativity that Kogan refers to is what intrigues me. It seems like there may be lots of ways to accomplish this, and I’d be interested in knowing how some of you do it.
A couple of my strategies are:
Get going with the supportive self talk. Remind yourself that you are doing your best and your best is good enough, in fact, great!
If it’s someone’s actions or words that send you toward negativity, see if you can come up with a possible motivation or intent that is positive; remembering things don’t always come across the way people intend them to.
If you’re overcome with a mood out of nowhere, quickly engage in your favorite mood-changing activities: take a walk, do deep breathing, sing, visit your favorite funny meme or video site. The sooner you do it, the less chance that a mood can grip you for long.
Being good to ourselves really helps us be more resilient and optimistic (okay, some of us are aiming for neutral, I know). Nataly Kogan also gave out these ideas today, so I’ll share them, too:
Thanks, Nataly!
While I’m at it, I’m going to reach out to a couple of people I know are not feeling well, which always helps me feel more positive, myself.
I’ve always loved getting new stuff. I didn’t get a lot in my early years, and in my twenties I spent a lot of time being creative with tables made of boxes and furniture rescued from the dumpster. It was fine. I had fun, and all my new stuff was new books and records.
In grad school, I would have re-used an old mirror left in an apartment, just like we did at the Pope house.
I’m positive my extreme enjoyment of new things made me look like I was bragging. I know that, because my beloved high school sweetheart told me so. I was so mortified that I over-reacted and tried real hard to play anything I acquired down. I’ve had my car since 2017 and never wrote an ode to British Racing Green. That took a lot of restraint.
Not my car, but the color is right.
All the remodeling we’ve done over the past decade or so has let me get shiny new things, then pass them on. I think that’s ideal.
I’ve got to pick a lot of shiny sinks, but I don’t have to own them all. It’s still fun to open the box.
Still, nothing cheers me up like a tiny indulgence. So, back in April I ordered this extra cute keyboard and mouse off a Facebook ad. Now, I could tell it was coming from China. So I didn’t buy the most expensive one.
This was the ad I saw. PINK!
I waited and waited. The tracker kept saying it was in the same place. I finally contacted the company, expecting no response and a chance to write a bad review. But no, they said they’d look into it.
A week later I got a note saying it was lost somehow. Did I want my money back, or could they expedite me one? Sure, send it. By this time, I’d forgotten what I ordered.
It only took ten days to rush across the ocean and get to me, after a wee customs delay. Look at all those stickers.
It’s been around the world.
Ooh, the box was pretty!
Candy!
And look at that hilarious Candy keyboard! What was I thinking? On the other hand, it will add a jolt of pink to my new office when it’s done.
It came with a little brush to clean the keys and some cute little Chinese stickers.
Thankfully, the cute and clacky mechanical keyboard is fun to use, once you get used to it. And the mouse is just fine.
Ready to clackety-clack!
In conclusion, that was fun. And I can use the old keyboard at the ranch, where I have a giant, awkward keyboard I’ve never gotten used to. So yeah, I got a frivolous keyboard and it brightened my day.
The Hermits' Rest 