I got so involved with writing my previous post that I forgot to make one of my points. While thinking of types of people I might be biased against, I became very aware of some ways in which my subconscious biases me toward some people.
While out on a walk with Anita and Pickle, I even said, “I always think I’ll like anyone who has this sign in front of their house.”
The sign has all my buzz words on it. Plus I like the flag addition: it’s for all of us in the USA.
Now, there’s a positive bias! I just assume that, by buying one of these signs, they must be great folks. These must be fine people, too:
I happen to know the sign’s owner IS a nice person, but from actually knowing her, not from her sign.
This is just as inaccurate a way to judge others as lumping all people with Trump pickup-truck flags in the same boat. You really don’t know what a person is like until you actually get to know them (yes, I know their signs DO give a hint, but let’s not pre-judge!).
I tend to have a favorable bias towards dog lovers, too (which helps mitigate some other biases). And if you own a spotted mini-donkey…oooh, you must be GREAT.
Now you know why I fell for my spouse. It was the dogs.
I have some other positive biases, mostly based on education, career choices, and hobbies (I always feel betrayed when I find out a fellow knitter is actually creepy, but having read comments directed at some of my gay knitting heroes, I know they’re out there).
I blame my bias on Mike. Most things are his fault, after all. Here we are in 2013. Apparently I’d just given him a rabbit hutch.
Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure I’m positively biased toward gay men (more neutral toward others). I wonder if it’s because they’ve been kinder to me most of my life, in general, than any other group. Or it’s just empathy based on my family and past friends’ experiences. Of course I’ve known some unpleasant gay men, but my bias makes me assume I’ll like them. Like with any other group, of course, it’s better to get to know individuals than make sweeping generalizations.
Here we are again in February 2020, just before being attacked by the quarantine and becoming more…substantial. I have no idea where we are.
To be honest, after thinking about my positive biases, I can see that they can be helpful shortcuts to identifying potential friends, but they can also make you assume things about people that might not be true. I’m going to make sure I identify the positive ones as well as the negative unconscious biases.
Enjoy this cloud formation in far southeast Austin as you ponder bias.
Please let me first apologize for making my discomfort with plane travel over the weekend appear like I think I am sick. I have no symptoms of COVID-19, and have been taking my temperature. Still just fine, as far as I can tell. I was just really uncomfortable being around so many people in the Dallas airport and sitting next to a woman who was coughing. Like I’ve said before, I’m a special snowflake who believes the pandemic is real and would prefer not to take chances. But, I’m not sick.
As it does every day, noticing nature’s beauty keeps me feeling well. These are two red-tailed hawks circling above Marbry’s Ridge.
And by saying I’m tired, I mean I’m spending a lot of energy (and rightly so, I think ) supporting friends and family who are going through really hard times right now. It may be tiring, but it’s important work, and I don’t plan to stop.
Examples and Inspiration
For example, I know how to not get overly sucked in by others’ needs, but when your close friend’s husband passes away, you can’t help but send your energy out to them. My friend Vicki was the only person who came to my dad’s funeral to take care of ME, and she’s stuck with me since we were teenagers, despite our political and spiritual differences. That’s true friendship. I’m so sorry she lost her beloved husband so soon after finally reuniting with him. True friends need to be there for each other and truly listen, so I’ll so what I can in these WEIRD times.
A circle of friends surrounding a cactus seems an apt illustration!
Coincidentally, I just read this beautiful article in the New York Times, by someone famous, but who suffers just like us.
“[W]hen people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.”
The Losses We Share, by Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, New York Times, November 25, 2020
She recently experienced a miscarriage, a devastating life passage she shares with so many of us. She shared that just having someone actually express that they care about how she is getting along was helpful and healing. And her overall point, that checking on others during this time of isolation is VITAL, is something we all need to think about.
I know reaching out is not one of my best skills, but I’m prioritizing it. I’m very GOOD at responding, though, and boy do I send out those healing thoughts (which I’ll go along with the organized religion fans and assume do some good).
This is where I send all my vibes to. Hee hee.
Another example: someone I know mentioned that none of their local friends had checked up on them during the pandemic until very recently. That hurt. It made me wonder who I should be checking up on (yes, I will call my stepmother). Who do you need to check on, just so they will know they aren’t alone?
As Meghan pointed out this morning, we need to really see each other right now, even if we’re covered up:
“We are adjusting to a new normal where faces are concealed by masks, but it’s forcing us to look into one another’s eyes — sometimes filled with warmth, other times with tears. For the first time, in a long time, as human beings, we are really seeing one another.”
Ibid.
I truly hope she is right. With so much loss and pain going around, we need each other to see us, accept us, and show we care.
A final example: a blog reader wrote me a long email yesterday, in response to one of my blog posts on Highly Sensitive People. He was worried that he was using his sensitivity as an excuse to indulge his other issues (fears of various things). Now, this man is also dealing with autism and other mental health issues, and I felt so bad to think he worried that his personality type was an excuse. I’m glad he reached out, because I think he expressed something many of us experience, which is that our thoughts or feelings aren’t good enough, or are a cover-up for something else. In reality, many people share the HSP trait, and some of them have other issues, too. It’s just who we are, and dealing with it becomes a lot easier if we accept our limitations and challenges, and work to be the best unique individual we can be. Who that man is, the way he is, is fine. No one should judge him without spending some time in his reality.
Of course, I told him this, in other words. It’s what we all should do, listen and be supportive. Everyone’s struggling with something!
Looking out my window, it’s easy to see how we feel isolated, each of us up on our own hills.
Listen to the Universe
Wow, it sure seems like the Universe is conspiring to tell me something this week. Clearly, the effort it takes to be supportive of others, to listen to what people are concerned about, and to reach out is worth it, even if it can make you tired. We’re all we have!
Just another cool hawk photo to enjoy. I like how the sun made the interesting effect. Nice to end on a note of beauty.
It’s really weird to have not been at the ranch the entire month of November, especially since that’s usually a great month to be there (good weather, frisky pets, lots of time for walking). It didn’t help at all that I spent a good bit of time wandering around the area on Google Maps trying to figure out where those two people drowned. I think I got it located a bit further away from our property than I’d feared, but still adjacent. It makes me so sad.
In happier news, my one orchid that didn’t succumb to some evil scale has rewarded us with many blossoms.
I listened to a news report that said the victims had fallen out of their boat and got caught up in pond weeds. That’s exactly what I had feared. Even if you can swim, that stuff can get you. One guy had a young family and one was just 22, so young. They’re having a football game to raise money for their families. Traion Smith was just an amazing athlete in high school, and a nice young man. The news report showed the former Cameron coach breaking into tears at the thought of losing him. Life sure has its twists and turns.
Anyway, I ended up looking at what great quality the Google Maps images of our property are. I really liked how you could see each cow and all the cattle paths in the bottom pasture next to our house.
All the cows are at upper right, and you can see where they walk. The image can even get closer in! That’s Walker’s Creek and one of the streams that meets up with it.
I was disappointed that I could not see Apache or Fiona, nor the chickens. I guess the photo was taken just before we got the chicken house. So, you’re spared those images.
Sunset looking out by neighbor Ruth’s house. I love how the oak leaves are shining.
While I do miss the ranch (and its occupants, including my poor lonely quarantined husband!), I’m enjoying some time in Austin. We got to take a walk with our neighbor, Ruth, who regaled us with tales of trying to buy groceries at the H-E-B (we went a bit later ’cause I had to fill my prescription, and it wasn’t so bad). She went to the Randall’s store full of “old people” and it wasn’t crowded. That store is always full of old people! And, if you don’t live in Texas, we realize H-E-B is a weird name, but since it’s named after Mr. Butts, you can understand the choice.
Roses in my flower arrangement. They help me feel better.
And since I’m in Austin, we can have my son’s little family unit to eat out on the deck, to minimize germs and all, like we keep being told to do. It will be very small, but good.
Giant mum about to explode. This arrangement had such great autumn colors.
We will get through these challenging times. Sometimes it’s easier than other times, but I feel like all this practice of empathy, compassion, and forgiveness that’s come out of the pandemic, the election, and the personal issues of those around me will benefit me the rest of my life.
I don’t know what this flower is, but I love the way only part of it is in focus.
I hope you enjoy the photos of the flowers I got at the store and our sunset. I saw no sunsets in Utah, because the mountains were to the west. That’s okay, mountains are pretty, too. Share what’s keeping you happy and in the moment, if you want to!
This morning, I woke up and didn’t feel awake. These days, whenever you feel the least bit off, you immediately think you have COVID. I ran through all my symptoms, tested my sense of smell (yep, the trash can still smells like a banana cemetery), and checked my temperature (97).
I realized I was mostly chilly. So I put on my extra cozy sweater, turned on the fireplace, and closed the blinds. That helped me get through all my meetings.
Warm and cozy and sorta dark.
After all the Zoom meetings were over, I dragged the laptop into the bedroom, where I could get under the covers. I worked some more, but felt so tired. So I slept for an hour! Oops!
Self care station.
So now I’m in my self care station, with knitting, a book, plenty of water and many pillows. I guess I won’t be checking out skiers today. The plan is to talk at least a short walk, then take a bath with the bath bomb Kathleen gave me.
My body said it was tired of all that work and crazed exercise. I listened. After all, I want to be in good shape to travel back to Texas on Sunday. I’m very glad Hilton has provided dozens of antiseptic wipes I can take and use at airports and planes.
Travel ready.
The Plan
When I get back, I’m going to hide out in Austin for a while, so we are not going to have a germy family Thanksgiving. That will be hard, but between quarantines in Cameron and me traveling in this pandemic, I’d rather postpone seeing Lee and the animals than bring in an illness. Anita and I can easily physically distance in Austin, so that’s the best thing I could come up with.
With love from me to you.
I must admit, though, that videos and pictures of the animals make me miss them so much. Let’s hope next time I leave town we can feel safer.
It turns out I didn’t forget how to knit after all! I’ve had a hard time getting going since we’ve had all these lap dogs. All those precious toenails that I miss very much are hard on delicate projects.
But, as I’ve been sharing recently, sitting here for two weeks with no pets let me make a thing! It’s a linen stitch table runner, I’ve decided.
Suggested use of knitted object.
It’s a combination of two self-striping sock-weight yarns, so no section is the same. One yarn is Noro Silk Garden Sock and the other is a Noro cotton blend whose name I forgot.
Pre-blocking. A bit lumpy.
How did I make it? I cast on 51 stitches and knit in linen stitch holding both strands of yarn together until I ran out. I used a size 5 (US) needle, but 6 would have been better, I think. Ha. That’s a pattern, right?
One thing I have noticed is that my normally consistent gauge (number of stitches per inch) is not so great. I guess not knitting every day and getting a bit o’ arthritis have taken a toll. That’s why I made something so simple with the yarn Laura sent me—it’s good practice!
Since my whacky stitching and a couple of mistakes (also not like my former persnickety knitting drive for perfection) made the runner a bit lumpy, I went ahead and blocked it.
Blocking. A bit better.
For those of you who don’t knit or crochet, blocking means you wet the fabric, smooth it out, and let it dry. By stretching, you can make lace stretch out and get rid of slight unevenness in other fabric, especially animal fibers like wool.
We’re just gonna have to see how the runner dries out. Regardless, I’ll put it on the dining table in Austin, because Anita likes it.
Aww, this takes me back to my old knitting blog days (yep, I wrote about knitting for years, but I’ll spare you a link). Back to general yammering tomorrow.
Today is Anita’s last day with me in Utah. I just have to say it’s been great. One of the best things about hanging out with your long-time friends is that you can enjoy yourselves without doing much at all. We did a lot of nothing this week.
It was a bit bright outside, so our selfie didn’t come out perfect.
We did have a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong, but since we didn’t have access to a car most of the time she was here, we spent a lot of time just hanging around the Canyons Village resort area. All the walking was a blast, and it sure used up a lot of energy. That meant we got to enjoy a lot of food, too! Thank goodness the pho and ramen restaurant finally opened, so we could eat there!
Anita, hungry for a beef bowl. Our friend the red crane is always present.
The shopping and sight-seeing was also fun, and we sure were grateful for the family visitors for taking us around. Yesterday we did a bit more shopping, and Anita got some great coral Zuni earrings. I’m so glad she got to have fun, while Kathleen and I were drooling over a huge jewelry selection AND Navajo blankets. Not bad ones!
That is one gorgeous building in downtown Park City.
My favorite thing she got is a huge cactus-shaped birdhouse thing. It’s going to be her “travel pillow” so she can get it on the plane. It is stuffed with excellent newspapers from Nepal!
Our new cactus friend. Note that I just HAD to buy some flowers to liven this place up.
The best part was just hanging around in the condo, eating our random foods, watching the snow, the birds and the one giant black cat that hangs around here. It was so good having someone to watch election coverage with and talk about things.
So many lovely statues in Park City.
And of course, the four seasons of Schitt’s Creek were a blast. Neither of us had laughed so much in a long time.
This is where we stopped. No watching until I get back to Austin!
She got out while the weather was still great, which is good, since a snowstorm is a-brewing. I’m sure the rest of us will figure out something fun this evening, though!
The intent of this post is just to say treasure your friends, and make the most of times you get to spend together. Usually Anita and I are both working a lot, so just hanging out was a real treat. Relaxing, truly relaxing, is rare, and I am glad we got to do it together. Only she and I would laugh when I pompously declare that I just realized that for every mountain, there is a valley (that’s after I looked at a team photo in the newspaper stuffed in the cactus and wondered where people played soccer in Nepal, with all those mountains).
Tell your friends you care about them! (Hey, friends, I care about you!) Write me!
We didn’t get out until around 4pm yesterday. That meant the sun was going down and the snow melt in the paths was starting to freeze. But we persevered.
We did find a snowman, so at least someone else had fun.
We walked along dirt roads and golf paths, and it was not bad. We were rewarded with some beautiful views!
Close as we can get to a sunset view, since we were on the east side of the mountain.
I’ve noticed my breathing is getting better and better, so I must be getting used to the altitude. I’m still enjoying how much exercise I’m getting and know it’s helping me deal with challenges that pop up.
Waiting for spring
Anita and I really enjoyed our day of indulgence, though. Usually I want to go and go during vacation, but we decided to just rest and indulge. We watched two movies (the new Borat movie and Knives Out, both funny).
Nice colors.
I even made all the food yesterday. There was a great chef salad for lunch and soup and biscuits for dinner. With all the COVID cases rising, I’m probably not going to eat out much more.
There’s the sun. I could not get the snow to look white in this light.
We spent all night, and I mean all night, binge watching the television series Schitt’s Creek, which I’d been wanting to see for a long time. Anything with Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara in it must be seen by me. I am also quite a fan of Chris Elliott, so I just sat there and laughed for hours. Why not? We can get all serious again in a few days.
Icicles amuse me, too.
Today I have a couple phone calls, but I predict more hiking in peace and television fun. Safety first.
Sometimes you just want to stay cozy. It was really cold this morning. So Anita and I are watching movies. I am knitting.
I am not doing well with gauge. Oops. Haven’t knitted in a while.
The knitting is less ugly than it was. It’s a table runner. It will block nicely.
It’s nice to just relax. Even though there have been some glitches today, I’m just chilling. Hygge. Yep. Peace.
Got the computer hooked up to the TV, which shows very pretty screen savers.
Life is boring! We’re staying out of COVID in Utah. That’s just fine. I feel lucky to have a vacation with peace and movies. It could be worse. Maybe Thursday we can get out and drive around!
Where did the real Suna go? I’ve been thoroughly enjoying getting lots and lots of exercise since it got cold way up here in the mountains. Like, I volunteer to climb up snowy hills. I pant a bit and go higher. I stand around and think about going even higher or driving to a better hiking place (we may rent a car tomorrow and go somewhere).
When the sun came out it was so beautiful.
Today we went to get more groceries, which was also fun. If there’s a blizzard I’ll be fine. And Anita got lemon for her morning beverage! We’re good! Then we took yet another walk. I just can’t stop. I think I’d never seen so much dry powdery snow before. The crunch crunch crunch is really invigorating! It’s even addicting.
When you get away from condos, it’s nice here.
I think I may need to learn to criss-country ski at some point, though my legs are already yelling at me.
Okay, some of the condos can look nice.
Folks, I never liked exercise as much as I do now. I wonder if taking turmeric and CBD oil has made my body feel better, so I enjoy moving more? Now physical exertion is fun.
Also, though, I never liked being out in the cold much (sorry, Illinois years). I’m from a warm place. What’s up with that?
Plus snowflakes! They are so pretty. Yes, I took a picture of snow.
In Illinois, it was often SO cold and windy, and I had to stand around waiting for the bus, or walk a mile to teach a class too many times when my breath was freezing as it came out. This week, it’s cold, but really pleasant. I’m glad I’ve had this experience.
Look! Clouds hitting the mountain.
All this glee isn’t something I’ve felt in so long. I get that way in Texas when I’m with Apache or out looking at new plants. The key really seems to be living in the moment. Just being present and experiencing what’s going on right around you truly brings joy.
Sun and snow. Good.
What a lesson at such a good time! Most of my life I’ve read about living in the moment. I’ve tried to do it. This year has been hard, so hard, but I think I’ve benefited by making so much progress on being here, now.
What’s out there that can invigorate you? How are you growing in this season of transition?
I woke up this morning and the world was still here. I still had work to do. The sun was shining, and the moon was still up.
As I read my daily email updates, checked out social media, and finally decided to listen to some news, I began to read and hear lots and lots of advice from people for how to deal with feelings today. A lot of it was very good, and once again, I appreciated words from Maria Shriver.
from the midweek edition of her Sunday Paper, November 4, 2020
And there were lots of other people sharing advice to breathe and acknowledge your feelings. I think we all need that, regardless of your feelings about the US election. We are still a country that is very divided, so I intend to continue to send thoughts for peace and calm, remember that I’m resilient, and keep living in the moment.
If cats and dogs can love each other, despite their differences, maybe we can, too. Photo by @daniela_coppolino via Twenty20.
I’m not going to tell YOU how to act, what to think, or what to feel. I feel overwhelmed by all the advice, myself. Please do what works for you. That’s all my advice.
Leaning on my friends and those close to me is about all I have. This is from the trail yesterday.
Know that lots of bad, awful, and disheartening events have occurred throughout the history of this country, but regular people still just want to live their lives in peace and safety. I’m remembering that.
The Hermits' Rest 