daily life – Page 35 – The Hermits' Rest

My Attachment to Objects Started Early

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

I’ll answer this question about the first and second items I became attached to as a baby. I was one of those babies who had to have their beloved object with them at all times. I guess my attachment issues started early? Anyway, here’s me as a round baby with Hee Haw, whom I may have mentioned before.

I don’t think I owned clothing as a baby.

Hee Haw was a stuffed giraffe. I thought it was a horse. Mom told me horses said “Hee Haw” so there you go. I know Mom knew horses. But she liked what donkeys say better.

I’m told putting this toy in the laundry traumatized me, as did the time I dropped it in a store. Luckily it was found. By the time Hee Haw disintegrated I’d moved on to my next and final security objective, a literal security blanket.

I’m sure I have photos of Lovin’ Blanket, or LB as Mom called it, but none scanned. It originally was a quilted satin layette blanket with a lovely binding that Granny Kendall gave me. I held it as I went to sleep each night.

Like, I did that a long time. By the time I was in high school all the quilted satin was gone, and it was just an edge. It was all knotted up, and I draped it over my bedpost. It stayed there through college. I guess Dad gave it a dignified farewell when he moved to North Carolina after Mom died.

There. I got that tired old story out of my system.

Imagine dozens of white-crowned sparrows here.

I don’t have any exciting birds for today, so I’ll give you some pictures of my current fuzzy security item. Sara and I both agree that Apache has the greatest neck for hugging. He makes everything all better.

He is still a bit lame from the abscess. I keep treating him. Here is his bad hoof. Send healing thoughts!

There is redness but the vertical things are grass shadows.

Can We Live Long and Prosper?

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

Today’s question has been on my mind lately since there have been a lot of deaths in my circle, and I’ve been a close observer of the stress, pain, and hard decisions loved ones have to go through.

One of our blog family lost her husband yesterday, which hits hard. But I’m glad she has the support of many close friends who’ve gone through this before, and she has supportive family. Sometimes, when no one you know has been through such a loss, you can feel so alone and lost, and it hits you so hard.

So, do we want to live very long lives? No matter when we pass away, we will leave sad people behind to treasure memories. I wish I had more of them with my mom, who died when I was 26. I coped poorly but was glad she was out of her mental and physical pain.

As long as I’m in reasonable health, can enjoy nature and my community, and am not a burden to others, I’d prefer to live a long life. I’m just curious about how we humans are going to handle things in the coming 30 or 40 years. And I’d love to continue contributing to society and becoming more wise.

Yet, if I were chronically ill with constant pain or costing my family so much that I was a financial burden, I’d have no problems with letting go. It would be interesting to see what’s next for the energy that brings me life.

I can honestly say that I empathize with anyone who decides they are “done” and don’t keep pushing forward in old age, and I can see not wanting to give up. And I have seen for myself how quickly you can go from fighting to dignified surrender when the time comes.

This made no sense, I’m afraid, but it helped me to write it. I do want to live long and prosper, though!

Love to all of you who are struggling. I am here for you if you need me.

I Could Turn Left Rather Than Right

What could you do differently?

I think I already answered a version of this question so I’m going in a different direction with it. Ha ha. Direction. I mean, there’s a sh** ton I could do differently, and I’ve written about that enough.

Instead, let’s take a walk, but differently. Today I turned left rather than right when I left our driveway on my daily nature walk. Whoa.

I’d been wanting to walk the other way down our road past our property line for a while, because there are some empty fields and mottes of trees where I’ve heard interesting birds while I was busy doing horse control at Sara’s place.

So, off I went. First I had to enjoy the horses, who were lounging around after playing in the burs (mostly Drew). They’re so cute when they lie down. I do wish they then wouldn’t grind mud into their coats, but they ARE horses.

As for birds, I was glad I brought my binoculars, because I got to get a good look at our resident American Kestrel and see it fly with the sun shining through its feathers.

The sun was so bright today that things were hard to see, but I was rewarded by seeing sun dogs in the clouds on either side of it for a while. Perfect cloud placement.

I saw a lot of woodpeckers, vultures, hawks, and caracaras. I also noticed that all the doves I saw were Eurasian Collared Doves, not the Mourning Doves I see at my house right down the road. Binoculars helped with that.

I heard both Eastern and Western Meadowlarks, which is cool, but I didn’t see anything new other than a White-breasted Nuthatch. I thought I’d see. One before, but I guess not.

I’m glad I took the walk in this direction, because I got to visit with Sara and look at her permaculture garden progress. Of course, for me the highlight was getting to visit with Jhayati, who is 8 months old now. She’s a beautiful filly and has such a striking face. I sure look forward to watching her grow.

After I saw her, I saw one more mockingbird then no more birds at all. Do they have clocks? They shut up at 11am.

Luckily there was still something interesting to see. I saw what looked like eggs on the ground where hay bales recently were. It was the eruption of the most cool mushroom we have here, the Lizard’s Claw Stinkhorn Lysurus cruciatus.

Interesting note: I posted photos of this on The Hermits’ Rest Facebook page, which is public, and suddenly weird replies from so-called people trying to promote psychedelic mushrooms popped up, repeatedly. Sigh. Lots to block. This mushroom just stinks. I didn’t see anything about it being psychedelic, but I’m now glad I didn’t lick it.

Penney says she’d lick it for me.

What’s the Preferred Beverage of A**holes?

Wait. How do you define a**hole, Suna? Good question, Imaginary Reader!

I define it as someone who can’t wait to get home, where surely there’s a rubbish receptacle, to dispose of beverage containers, instead preferring to toss those containers gaily out of the window of their pickup truck along rural roads.

I wish Red Bull had given this can wings and flown it back in the vehicle.

I’m sure they think the cattle and horses will enjoy stomping on their cans and bottles, and the folks who mow the roadside (often their neighbors) don’t mind damage to their mower blades. No, no. I doubt there’s much thinking involved.

Heck, no one wants to inconvenience a rural jerk. It’s good exercise going down the road picking that stuff up. I should be grateful. But I’m not.

Mmm. Mow this and excellent sharp edges will magically appear.

In the last few weeks I’ve seen so many cans and bottles that I decided to document what my thoughtless neighbors deposited along Milam County Road 140 near Walkers Creek.

I can say that liquor is favored over water, energy drinks, or coffee, the other beverages I found. Oddly, there was only one soda can. Pibb.

There were two miniature Fireball bottles, but everything else was beer.

I’d have been more impressed by Hot Damn.

And I’m obligated to share that the most favorite beer of a**holes who are driving down my road with open containers of liquor is…

Congratulations to the folks at Budweiser! You encourage dangerous and thoughtless behavior in our area more than any other company! And congratulations to the runner up, Natural Light.

I’m glad the drinking and driving crowd are watching their weight. Not really.

The thing is that people drive down these roads hauling children, valuable livestock, and expensive farm equipment. The roads are narrow, poorly lit, and full of wildlife (a beautiful coyote crossed the road in front of us yesterday). It’s hard enough to drive safely sober. And that’s why I call the people who litter with their liquor containers bad names.

Now, I just posted that we should love our neighbors, with no exceptions. It’s true. I care about everyone out here and want them alive and their families safe. I don’t want to read their obituaries.

Daily Bird

There were a lot to choose from today, because I went up to the cemetery and back. I know I’ve probably chosen these before, but the red-shouldered hawks I saw up close made me very happy.

I also enjoyed a tree full of vultures drying off, a great egret with a duck, some bluebirds, and lots of sparrows and pipits.

I watched a downy woodpecker for a long time and saw an owl fly into a tree, but I couldn’t even get one of my blurry photos of them.

Instead, here’s Droodles looking majestic.

The birds made me feel better about all the litter. I’ll bring a trash bag one day next week.

Thinking about…Right Now

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

This is another trick question. I’m doing my best to stop myself if I start dwelling on the past (except good memories!). And I don’t think it’s healthy to do what I call pre-worrying about what might happen if circumstances go in ways we would like to avoid. That leads people like me to worse anxiety or even ulcers.

This chain got up on the gate thanks to worrying about future dog escapes. The big dogs could climb it.

I think one of the most helpful things I’ve learned from studying Buddhism is the idea of living in the moment. The more I do this, the more content I am in my life and the more joy I can find.

A part of the past I do like to think about is when this cute kitchen was built. We want to preserve it in our renovation. Retro chic.

No one can prevent thinking about the past and future all the time. What I try to do is see what can be learned from past events, and I try to figure out what I can control or affect positively in the future. I learned that from my spouse’s study of Stoicism. It’s made a huge difference for both of us.

Daily Birds

Today was wet and chilly. In the morning there were mostly the usual birds. But it was so quiet that I could hear wing flaps from vultures flying over. Merlin identified three birds that were surprising because we aren’t in their range: Swainson’s thrush, Black-capped chickadee, and Western wood pewee. Maybe the storms brought them over. Or maybe there was a software glitch. The chickadees look really similar but have different calls, so you’d think that would be right. It’s a mystery.

I turned the app on in the late afternoon to see if there were any different birds, and sure enough, there were two ducks, the common mallard and blue-winged teal. I’m hearing lots more ducks and geese this year!

A Gift of Mutual Acceptance

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

The gift I want most in the world would be to repair my relationship with my older son and come to some kind of mutual acceptance of each other, just as we are. Understanding of perceived mistakes or failings on each of our parts is something we could do. I’d be willing to try. Anyone willing to help bring us back together would receive my eternal gratitude.

Foggy morning leads to melancholic musings

Well, that’s not something I foresee happening after five years. So I’ll add that the greatest gifts I do receive are friendship and acceptance. I think we all would like to feel accepted and like we fit in. I treasure my community of kind and open hearted friends who accept each other, warts and all.

Online friends count, too. So many of us would feel very isolated if it weren’t for our friends who are connected on social media, on video chats, and in blogs. Social media is NOT all bad.

Daily Bird

Well, there weren’t many birds out today, because it was so foggy and cold.

The highlight today was the reappearance of one of my favorites, the barred owl. I’ve read that barred owls and great horned owls don’t like to live together, so I was happy to hear one this morning. Hooray!

Alma Mater Times Two

What colleges have you attended?

Well, that’s a question with a lot of assumptions behind it. Who says all bloggers go to college? I’d have preferred something like, “Where did you get your education?” (From where?) I realize there are people would give flippant answers, like “the school of hard knocks,” but you’d also get interesting insights into folks with non-traditional paths.

I was VERY traditional. After four years of attending a large high school in suburban Ft Lauderdale, Florida (unfortunately named Plantation High School), I spent four years at a large state university. The years at the University of Florida had a lot of good parts. I learned a lot, screwed up my personal life irreparably, and thoroughly enjoyed living in my home town again. My studies focused on linguistics, Japanese, and cinema studies (my boyfriend’s major). I’m extremely grateful to the National Merit Scholarship system, which allowed me to attend college even though my family was not well off and my mother had many medical bills.

See the bright spot under the sun? That’s the bit of flooding we got last night. It was a good rain.

I then went to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign for graduate school. Fun fact: both the schools I attended have orange and blue as their school colors. At least gators add green to the mix. UI are the Fighting Illini, which I was shocked to discover pronounced the last two vowels like “eye,” not “ee.”

There I studied pragmatics, syntax, and semantics. I learned to write well and to teach adults. I loved teaching. Academic writing, not so much. My topic got really boring, which is why I’m not a professor right now.

My favorite thing on campus was the beautiful statue of Alma Mater welcoming students and graduates, by Lorado Taft. It was always a happy sight.

If you’re still awake, I can give you my highlights of the day. First, I finished my giant three-part 2023 temperature blanket.

The last square is a handy key to the colors. I included the white, silver and purple that would have indicated 0° to 25° even though it never got that cold. Maybe this year! Or not! I could do without the Polar Vortex they keep threatening us with.

I’ll write up an official summary once I figure out how to get a photo of the whole thing.

Daily Birds

Second, two birds made me happy today. One was the first bird Merlin heard, a yellow-bellied sapsucker. I think I’ve now recorded all the woodpeckers that live here.

When I lived in Illinois, we had a sweet gum tree in our back yard. Every year one of these little guys would come and drill a new row of holes in that tree. It was so much fun to watch it working away, and the holes were a wonderful remembrance.

The other bird that brought joy today has already been the Daily Bird, but I was excited to actually see the great horned owl today. Yes, that blob in the photograph was hooting.

I also enjoyed my sparrow buddies a lot. The Harris’s sparrows were singing and playing this afternoon. I hadn’t heard them in a few days. They fed in the trees next to me for a while, so I got good views, though obscured by branches. Here are some photos of them, the other sparrows, and cardinals in the brush and trees. Yes, it’s a brown world right now, but I like brown.

Challenges – Where to Start?

What are your biggest challenges?

The WordPress folks have a new set of prompts for this month, so I’ll try to answer them, for fun. The first one was about challenges. Oh what fun. I don’t have all night to spend on this topic!

What’s not a challenge is making New Year’s dinner. My black-eyed peas, collard greens, and cornbread came out delicious, for the four of us who could make it. We made plates to take to Lee’s brother and Anita, who came down with the flu, and have plenty of leftovers. Success!

So, my main challenge these days is a lack of self confidence, I think. I always think I can’t do new things, so I put them off or avoid things. Learning horsemanship has helped me a lot with this. I’m making myself try new things and I’m often succeeding or making a good try. I think this new bravery is manifesting in other areas, which is really great.

One I’m not doing as well with these days is expressing myself without offending people I care about or causing problems. So I’ve been much quieter for the past year or so than I used to be. These days it’s probably safer to keep some kinds of opinions to yourself but I do want to advocate for myself at work and in other personal areas.

I’m also tired of being vertically challenged. I wish I could reach things without stools and mount a horse from the ground. There, a less serious one.

A final challenge is figuring out when or if I can retire from full time work. There are too many factors for me to figure out right now. More on that in the coming months.

That’s enough of that list.

It was cold and windy, so there weren’t many birds. However, there was a brief moment of sun that encouraged the white-throated sparrows to launch into a concert. Their song is hauntingly beautiful. It has three or four slight variations, like a fugue. What a greeting for 2024!

Some Things Were Good in 2023

Sure, the past few years have had their challenges. However, there’s lots to be happy about, too. Let’s take a moment to appreciate what went well. While I’m sharing a few things, you can be thinking of yours.

I just want to start by being asap and declaring that how much better my relationship with my spouse is now. We’ve hit a really good spot. The time we’ve spent out camping and hiking has been a real highlight of the year.

Next on my list of things that were positive has to be my growth with my horse relationships. Drew and I have been in and off, but the last couple of weeks have been so much improved. He’s such a sweet horse. Today he even let me put his bridle on without complaining. It helps that he doesn’t have a headache!

I took him to the yummy grass as a reward today.

Apache and I have had some amazing moments, too, and I’m focusing on them while his foot recovers from the abscess and he gets used to his daily medication. He still acts stoned much of the time. But our relationship is so much better than ever. That’s what counts.

Learning to listen to bird calls thanks to the Merlin Bird ID app has greatly added to my quality of life. I treasure my bird watching and listening time! Today was a WOW bird time. There were hooded mergansers in the bottom pond today! So glad I had my binoculars, because I’d have missed them otherwise.

I saw the ducks when trying to watch the egret catch fish. They look like blobs in the photo.

The ducks didn’t even come up as a possibility in Merlin, but they’re rather unmistakable.

I wrote up all the birds I saw or heard here at the ranch this month. There were 71!

That doesn’t count anything I saw in Milano or Canyon Lake!

I’ll be interested to track bird numbers each month next year.

Other good things? I’ve enjoyed my work, which is always a plus. The Red House on Fannin has been profitable as a short-term rental. I’ve only had a few issues with depression and anxiety. My physical health has been really good, too.

I’m like a tree adding strong new rings. And my hollow spots hide surprises.

I have become comfortable in my friendships and community relationships here in Cameron, too. It’s nice to have a bit of a social life with meaningful connections in person. It’s community and connection with friends and family that will help deal with the inevitable challenges in 2024.

Here’s my friend’s leg, with two dogs asking for attention. All part of the community!

There’s always something out there to be grateful for!

Stinky Dog, Again

Once again, Goldie the Mighty Huntress has tangled with her striped nemesis, one of our local skunks.

I made the smelly part of the couch smellier

It happened last night, which we figured out when we tried to stop Penney from blocking Goldie from coming upstairs. We then praised Penney!

This morning Vlassic investigated where the skunk was.

At least this time she didn’t kill and try to eat it, which last time resulted in months of skunk breath and a disgusting mess for me to remove. No, this was just a light spray.

Of course a light spray leads to a stinky house nonetheless. My office, where she sleeps, is the worse. Good thing I don’t work until Tuesday!

It’s already better after I’ve used Febreeze and Lysol. No, friends, tomato juice doesn’t work. We put dog-safe stuff on Goldie, too. I forget what it is.

Our dinner guests tomorrow will just have to deal with it.

Everything else is fine. I did all my normal stuff, like nail polish and schooling Drew. Apache was seen trotting, but not easily. More epsom salts for him.

By the way I’ve appreciated comments after yesterday’s post. Thanks!

In bird news, I watched a great egret catch two fish and did not appreciate seeing a hawk over by the horses near my chickens. I think something was after Billie Idyll yesterday. Hope for the best.