resilience – The Hermits' Rest

Sure, I’ve Changed since Covid

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Since I’m avoiding telling other people’s stories and not much is going on with me, I welcomed this question. It gave me a chance to evaluate what’s changed, my struggles to adapt, and the positive and negative results.

I found one sad, small wine cup today. Usually we have quite a few. Hope the prediction of rain soon is correct.

Positive: the people we were staying with and became our “pod” are still with us much of the time. We have gone through significant ups and downs, misunderstandings, illnesses, and job changes, but we now support each other and have learned to deal with each other’s idiosyncrasies. There are a lot of idiosyncrasies to go around, but the fact that we’ve made it through a series of pretty impressive challenges and remain supportive says a lot about me, Lee, Kathleen, and Chris. We’ve done a lot of growing and changing for the better.

Another positive that didn’t feel that way at the time is that I finally figured out how to lose my conception of what was happening in my life and keep living in the moment rather than dwelling on the losses. There was a period when I realized friendships and family relationships weren’t what I thought they were. That hurt. And thanks to Covid I lost my beautiful workspace I’d put so much effort into and didn’t get to fully enjoy living in Austin in my beautiful house. I had to leave by the time we were no longer masked and distant.

But I got through it all. It may not have been pretty, and my heart broke and rebroke, but I came out so much stronger and more resilient. I have a much more accurate perspective on the people around me, friends, colleagues, and society.

Covid truly taught me that attaining personal growth, gaining wisdom, and developing inner strength is a journey that does not end. I’m better prepared now, though.

A negative is that I’m still not comfortable being in large groups where people might cough all over me. It doesn’t help that the only time I actually got the disease was after flying to a vacation. I have to fly again week after next. I have come to terms with the fact that there are germs out there. I do still have to live my life (and symptoms of the virus I got when I went to that event recently are finally almost gone).

Covid has kept me and Lee even more hermit-like, though I do a few things, still! And Lee goes grocery shopping where there are many people, something I avoid these days.

My favorite positive to come out of COVID is that I don’t have to commute to work and can stay here at the Hermits’ Rest or even work from campsites. At first I really missed being with coworkers, but now I’m so happy that I can be home where it’s less distracting (other than dogs) and work with so many people around the world. Thank goodness for online meetings! And when I quit, I can go hug a turkey, pet a horse, or go for a hike.

I think my life changed for the better, even considering the downsides. I’m sure a lot less anxious (as long as I do deep breathing during the news).

Happy April! Here’s 1/3 of the year’s temperature blanket, featuring the hottest March ever.

Strength Takes Energy

I have been working hard the past five years or so to stay strong, see the good in the world around me, and like myself.

Damn. That takes a lot of energy. I had to spend an hour today being my confident, most impressive self. I did very well. But once I was done, I kind of deflated.

Right now I just want to sink into the floor and disappear. I’m feeling so despondent about how the powerful abuse the powerless, how fragile friendships can be, and how hard it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My crafting compulsion kept me company. I have cute little rose gold squares to share.

Tomorrow I have to get up and lead a webinar and be kind but firm as I go over more changes in how to use the software I support. I enjoy helping folks out, a lot. It’s simply difficult to muster the energy to project confidence and be clear as I go over complex topics. Confidence, clarity, complexity. That last “c” makes the first two challenging.

I know I’m not alone in feeling burned out from trying to project hope and confidence. I say we all need to give ourselves permission to rest, recover, and recharge as often as needed. It’s not a sign of weakness!

I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning and enjoy the presentation. if not, I’ll do it anyway.

Keeping Up the Hard Work

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.

That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.

To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.

Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.

Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.

I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.

The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.

We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!

No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!

Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.

And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.

In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.

Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.

PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.

No Advice from Me

I woke up this morning and the world was still here. I still had work to do. The sun was shining, and the moon was still up.

As I read my daily email updates, checked out social media, and finally decided to listen to some news, I began to read and hear lots and lots of advice from people for how to deal with feelings today. A lot of it was very good, and once again, I appreciated words from Maria Shriver.

from the midweek edition of her Sunday Paper, November 4, 2020

And there were lots of other people sharing advice to breathe and acknowledge your feelings. I think we all need that, regardless of your feelings about the US election. We are still a country that is very divided, so I intend to continue to send thoughts for peace and calm, remember that I’m resilient, and keep living in the moment.

If cats and dogs can love each other, despite their differences, maybe we can, too. Photo by *@daniela_coppolino via Twenty20*.

I’m not going to tell YOU how to act, what to think, or what to feel. I feel overwhelmed by all the advice, myself. Please do what works for you. That’s all my advice.

Leaning on my friends and those close to me is about all I have. This is from the trail yesterday.

Know that lots of bad, awful, and disheartening events have occurred throughout the history of this country, but regular people still just want to live their lives in peace and safety. I’m remembering that.

Testing Our Resilience

Last night I read a good article in the current Psychology Today about resilience (this link is to their article defining resilience). Since the current issue doesn’t appear in the archives (lucky me, for being a subscriber), I can’t link you to it, but I will as soon as it’s available. But I can summarize my thoughts after reading the article.

Humans always struggle. Suffering is part of life. But, it’s not ALL of life.

What sticks with me most, and what I find really helpful in today’s world of challenges, is that the author repeatedly points out that resilience is the default state for humans. That’s how we managed to keep on going through our evolution, as new challenges keep cropping up. No matter what, a large proportion of people will make it through hard times and learn from it with out too much permanent damage.

Sure, some folks are negatively affected more than others, and as is the case with most psychological trends, both your inner makeup and your life situation help determine how well you will cope. And people can learn to be more resilient, which eased my mind – I’m pretty sure I’ve done that. One thing the article points out, and that I’ve used to help me become more resilient, is to accept and cherish the fact that suffering and joy are both a part of life. No one gets a life of total ease (and it would be boring).

Encouraged by reading the article (which is quite long and fascinating, and included interesting case studies – you might want to go buy a copy), my plan is to use my experiences during 2020 to hone my ability to rise from stressors and challenges and keep on going forward. I guess my campaign to keep having fun is a part of it. If I can find ways to support and nurture my mental and physical well being, I will be able to help others, as well.

I think I’m psyching myself up to find the good in what will be a very stressful upcoming work week complete with extra worries about coronavirus upticks, concerns for my black and brown fellow citizens, and fighting the urge to move to another country (as if there are many countries that will take Americans).

You do! My shirt doesn’t say that everyone else doesn’t matter, just that things are broken and it’s time to fix them. Ooh, political content.

Still, I want to make sure to be there for friends and family who aren’t feeling very resilient right now. Some of us just aren’t, especially people who feel the pain of others very strongly, those who don’t cope well in isolation, and those who are struck with known and unknown fears. Empathy is something we’re all going to have to work on, and work on hard, if we are all going to find ourselves in a better place, eventually.

What Else Tests Our Resilience? Assholes.

Imagine my delight while looking for the article I read, when I found instead a fun article on exactly what constitutes an asshole. Turns out there are three different types, who knew? They are the dominant asshole, the callous asshole, and the quiet asshole. Since my spouse self identifies as an asshole, I’ll have to check and see which type he thinks he is.

Why isn’t there a lovable asshole category? I think they need it. If you have some resilience, they can be worth the struggle.

Feedback welcome, as always!

Resilience. Can We Do It?

Right about now, lots of folks are finding their resilience tested. It’s another really appropriate word for UU Lent. Every day we try our best to bounce back, face the day, move forward, and support those who need our support. It ain’t easy, especially for my family and friends who’ve lost loved ones, have sick friends, have lost their income, or are trying to teach children AND do the job they still have.

Am I feeling resilient today? Not really.

Some people are born more resilient than others. I’ve read all those studies about how some people will thrive no matter what circumstances they are thrown into. You hear stories of people who have overcome really sad situations in their youth to become amazing contributors to the well-being of others.

Others of us aren’t resilient by nature at all. Still, with support and care, many of these folks can learn coping skills and do very well in life.

The rest of us are somewhere in between, and do better or worse due to our environment and other support systems. It’s the support systems, I think, that matter the most, which is why I’m grateful to all the people around me who are supportive.

I’m pretty sure the hackberry tree will be around long after the rest of us. It has resilience and then some!

Input

My friend Pam shared the types of resilience she’s working on, in a comment that doesn’t show up on the Instagram photo. They are too helpful not to share. Here’s what she said:

8 forms of capital I have been working for quite some time to strengthen my resilience in. Some days are easier than others. Time, social, cultural, emotional, knowledge, material, living and financial are the 8- sending you peace and love and light today Suna💕
Chris Martenson, PhD and Adam Taggart in their 2015 book, Prosper! How to Prepare for the Future and Create a World Worth Inheriting

I love getting helpful feedback with resources to help out, so thanks a lot, Pam!

Nature and Resilience

One of the things we learn about in our Master Naturalist training is how resilient things are out there in nature. We learn how forests recover from fire, how ecosystems can regain their balance once important species are re-introduced (wolves, reindeer), and so on.

I hope the toad makes it. Nice to get comments on a post!

We also learn about the most fragile members of ecosystems, like frogs, who just can’t take all the rapid change. The most resilient plants and animals get to keep going (why we have so many medium-sized mammals and so few giant dinosaurs now).

I guess one day spiders will rule the earth. Phidippus arisonensis.

It’s just hard to watch entire groups of plants and animals going away because of the actions of humans. We have re-shaped the planet in so many ways, with our agriculture, selective breeding of animals, depleting resources like trees, and taxing the ecosystem with our large population.

I once read that plagues happened when there were too many people in a place. Is Nature trying to tell us something? Can we stay strong and get through to better (or at least different) times?

Stay resilient, friends.