I no longer am comfortable in large crowds. So I don’t go places to see performances anymore. And my family no longer makes music for each other after some sad things happened. Oh well. I still enjoy performances daily.
My audience at this concert.
So, I’ll say my most recent live performance, which took place 2:00-2:20 today, featured, in order of appearance):
Painted Bunting
Tennessee Warbler
Tufted Titmouse
Northern Cardinal
Barn Swallow
Carolina Chickadee
Eastern Bluebird
Carolina Wren
Green Heron (weirdest melody)
Mourning Dove
House Sparrow
Rooster
Domestic Turkey, portrayed by Connie Gobbler
Eastern Meadowlark
Northern Mockingbird
Dickcissel
Bay-breasted Warbler
Scissor-tailed Flycatcher
American Crow
Barred Owl
Purple Martin
Brown-headed Cowbird
Baltimore Oriole
Cliff Swallow
Warbling Vireo
Great Crested Flycatcher
Common Nighthawk
Red-bellied Woodpacker
Yellow-billed Cuckoo (second weirdest melody)
Accompanied by:
Flies
Gnats
Wasps
Cow (coughing)
Dogs
Cow (mooing)
Honeybees
The concert venue
I missed the rhythm section, the woodpeckers until the Red-belly appeared, and the frequent raptor soloists almost failed to show up until the Nighthawk croaked. All in all, a pretty good show.
Decorations (Christmas cholla)
Thanks to Merlin Bird ID for recording the concert and iNaturalist for plant ID.
The free refreshments were vine-ripened and delicious.
It will be a privilege to be alive in ten years. Most of my life I fully expected to be healthy and hearty at 77 years of age, like many of my friends are now.
I hope to enjoy scenery like this for many years.
I expected to be in my home, enjoying my pets and nature, traveling at least a bit to see new sights or visit friends. That’s the same as now.
Simple pleasures are all I desire.
As an example, we drove today to a place near Medina, Texas, to see the cabin Lee’s friend Matt has been working on for many years. It was fun. I got to hear a new kind of vireo and a Golden-Cheeked Warbler, found only here this time of year. What a privilege to be free to do this.
Cabin view
I’m concerned, though, that in a decade I won’t have a source of income or health care, though I’ve paid into Social Security and Medicare my whole working life. If that’s the case, things may look very different in ten years. Who knows? Things could also be better, too.
They have an old horse here.
Let’s hope we all still get to enjoy our friends and family a decade from now. In the meantime, treasure what you have. That’s my plan.
I admit it. I have read many books by Brené Brown more than once. I think people need different kinds of support at different times in their lives. When I needed to drag my self esteem out of the gutter and stop telling myself I kind things about myself, her stories and ideas were there to push me toward healing. I’m forever grateful that she writes in ways that reach me.
Just a picture to note that Cattle Egrets have arrived.
Her writing taught me I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t awful. What a gift!
Here’s a gift. My favorite wildflower, Texas Baby Blue Eyes.
I’ve mentioned before that I must have read Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell, dozens of times as a child. It shaped by love of horses and all animals and set me on a path of kindness to our animal friends.
I do try to be kind.
Speaking of my animal friends, Apache and I had a hard lesson today. He is not fond at all of Tarrin’s gate obstacle. I got a good lesson in patience (though I did lose my patience once). He learned he has to trust me when I ask him to do things, and I learned I still have work to do on quietly repeating instructions and not showing my frustration.
It’s like the dung beetle. You just keep pushing until you get there. No need to get upset.
He’s such a good guy most of the time that I know Apache has his reasons for disliking the gate. We will work through it! After all, Brené Brown taught me that being imperfect is how we grow.
I’m lucky to have had many wonderful teachers throughout my life, many of whom are also friends. That’s a privilege. I’m interrupting my travelogue of state park visits to once again mention my most influential teacher (because I’m pretty sure I’ve gushed about this before), Georgia.
I’m not splashing pictures of her in this post. She knows who she is.
She taught me syntax and pragmatics (among other things) in graduate school in Illinois. The academic stuff was great—the staff at that school really made my favorite topics interesting. But it turned out that I didn’t have what it takes to be a linguistics professor after all (though I loved teaching it).
Me in the 1980s when I was mentally unstable.
How convenient it was for me that I learned ideas and skills I’d use for my whole life from Georgia’s examples. Her examples as an instructor, editor, spouse, parent, political activist, and critical thinker are with me every day. For example, I learned to write, proofread, and edit after reading her corrections on my work. Thanks for the career skills, Georgia!
She also taught me a lot about plants.
How she raised her children greatly influenced my own parenting, since I lacked a sane role model in the mother department. I admire her children so much today!
She taught me about knitting. A lot.
The most important thing she taught me, though, was to accept others as they are. She knew me in my worst years, when I made one bad decision after another, and thought more with my hormones than my brain. Georgia was still kind and gracious to me and still is today. That in itself is one of the greatest lessons she imparted, that people don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
This guy and I are still teaching each other that lesson.
Enough mushiness on that topic, except to say that we are all taught by so many people and teach others as well. Let’s try to teach positive lessons!
There are many activities I enjoy. Right now, though, birding is what I lose myself in. Time stands still and I let myself feel at peace when I’m watching their antics. They are so different and fascinating to me.
Preening Tri-colored Heron
Today was all about birds, starting with a birding boat trip where I saw eight new birds for my life list. We went into the Aransas National Wildlife Refuge and were delighted by the variety of species good old Captain Tommy spotted (I spotted some, too).
Bunch of Neotropical cormorants.
The highlight, of course, was spotting many Whooping Cranes enjoying their crab fests. We lucked out and got to observe parents and a hefty juvenile fairly close. The crabbing was excellent.
Whooping Crane family
We saw a couple of pairs fly off, too. Those massive aviators are so graceful.
Preparing to take off
We also got to see Oystercatchers nesting, many different gulls, Roseate Spoonbills, cormorants (both kinds), White Ibis, and young Great Blue Herons. The adults are all nesting.
You can’t see it, but an Oystercatcher nest is in that brush. We also saw many huge barges. Wild hogs, too.
After the boat, we journeyed to Port Aransas, which was a longer ride than usual thanks to ferry delays (spring break). But the place we went was pretty darned impressive, even if it was right next to the sewer plant and garbage truck headquarters. It was the Leonabelle Turner Birding Center, with beautiful boardwalks overlooking hundreds of water birds.
The boardwalks and paths.
The water was so clear you could see what the teals and shovelers were shoveling. Oh there were so many ducks!
ShovelersGreen-winged TealHonestly I can’t ID most ducks.
There were also herons and egrets galore, who hung out with Ibises.
Tri-colored Heron and turtleSnowy Egrets and White IbisesSnowyJuvenile White I is and attractive duck. Finding foodLittle Blue HeronLittle Blue
A flock of White Pelicans had camped out in the distance.
Pelicans
Also there were Long-billed Dowitchers, Black-necked Stilts, Coots, and Gallinules. So many birds. The stilts were hilarious and by far my favorite.
StiltDowitchersAnother pelicanLaughing Gulls Ute!GallinuleStiltsAnotherSame o eJust look at them all!
I’m too tired for more details, but we had a good day, especially when helping others or learning from more knowledgeable folks. We met many very cool people.
…the love you take is equal to the love you make (Lennon/McCartney)
I re-learned this from a horse today, dear Mabel. Coincidentally, the blogging prompt today was about animals:
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
I have had an affinity with horses since I was a toddler, as I’ve frequently mentioned here. Even before I met my first horse, they made an impression in books and on television (I was a child when Westerns were popular, so you got to see lots of beautiful horses, and I read every horse book in the school library).
My good buddy for over a decade.
Horses always seemed to have good lives, mostly eating, hanging around with friends, and sleeping, with some running around to liven things up. That would work for me. Plus, as prey animals they look out for each other, but low rank horses get picked on by insecure bullies (a drama I often witness). That reminds me of how I ended up being very protective of friends and team members after dealing with a lot of bullying.
I love this picture of horse friends.
No wonder I like horses. They even have delicate digestive systems like me.
Mabel certainly has her issues. She’s choked twice.
As I’ve learned more about horses and how they interact with humans, it’s become so clear that your intention, your mood, and your demeanor affect them. It’s made a huge difference with me and Apache, and I’ve seen it break down with Drew due to his issues — no amount of good intentions has broken through his pain.
I’m just not able to help him like he needs to be helped. Makes me sad.
Healing can take time, and a horse in pain has trouble trusting people. That’s how Mabel was at first. Gradually, with good nutrition and care, she’s become healthy. And her attitude has shifted as well. I didn’t realize quite how much until the last couple of weeks, when she’s become downright friendly. All the love I’ve tried to pour into her may have helped, too.
This friendly expression makes me so happy.
This afternoon, after feeding everyone, I spent time removing winter hair and any new burs from each horse who’d let me. The last horse I groomed was Mabel, who isn’t as fuzzy as Dusty or Apache, but needs de-winterizing. I noticed how nicely she stood still and let me spend time on her, even lowering her giant head and asking to have it rubbed (I didn’t touch her head for at least two years).
I finished up, opened the gate to her pen, and set the grooming bucket down to keep the gate from hitting her when she left. But she didn’t leave. With her ears forward and eyes bright, she lowered her head so I could massage her neck. I ended up just holding this animal who’s as tall as me at her shoulders in my arms with her leaning her neck on my shoulder and her head cradling me. Other horses walked by us, but she didn’t move.
My favorite photo from last week.
I remained with her. We watched a rabbit flee from a Harrier, then watched the bird hunt all over our field, still calmly sharing love (or safety or whatever a horse would call it) with each other. It was the most peaceful time I’ve ever had with Mabel. Since I’d already exchanged hugs, love, and peace with Dusty and Apache, I was all full of endorphins.
It’s not always this way, but lately these animals have repaid me for my efforts with so much. It’s the way relationships should be, giving and taking love as needed. It helps to identify with the animals, perhaps.
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
First, even though my job is ending earlier than expected this Friday, I’m not overly upset, panicked, or blaming myself. Why’s that? It’s because of what appeared to be a horrible failure at the time, and certainly the nadir of my working years (that’s saying a lot, since I had a couple of workplaces implode under me). I think maybe some of you readers might learn something from this experience, and since I’m retiring, I can share how I screwed up. (If I’ve already told this story, well, here it is again.)
Back when Lee and I were first together, we went through a spell of job challenges. A great long-term contract at 3M fell through because their business was talking, and all I could get were short-term gigs after that. Meanwhile, Lee also lost his job at Dell. I had two children in school, one heading to college, so it was all a bit scary.
I hit a spell where nothing was coming up, so I took the first job where they would hire me. The salary was very low, and the people I interviewed with seemed more interested in getting a body in a seat than my qualifications. But it was at the University of Texas, so I had dreams of security and a pension dancing in my head.
I ended up in a miniature cubicle in the UT Tower (where famous murders occurred) working with an accounting software package that was still housed in its original mainframe and had an ASCII UI. Two of the people I interviewed with had already left by the time I started, and from the first day on, three of the women in the group disliked me. I did my best to learn the system so I could provide help to callers, but even when I did know an answer, they told me I didn’t answer questions right. I needed to stop empathizing with users and stop assuring them their questions were legit, because this accounting software was GREAT and should only be praised for its greatness. It got more and more stressful every day, and to top it all off, I rode a bus at the crack of dawn and at rush hour going home, because I couldn’t get parking. I barely saw my family.
My office was behind one of those windows. Photo by Brixiv on Pexels.com
I kept trying, though, took extra education, got help from and assisted the one or two nice folks, then lost the only really nice coworker, who left for a better department. That should have been my hint to flee.
I remember it sounded like snakes hissing as the Mean Girls complained about me and tapped away carping about me in chats. The boss was even worse. She was some Dean of something and told me I was a big disappointment and offended my coworkers by mentioning I’d been a stay-at-home mother, but I promised to do my best to meet the decrepit accounting software support needs. It was like hell in a tiny tower. I started shaking all day. I couldn’t have done a good job if I tried.
Finally the time came for my 90-day review. The Dean just ripped me a new one, informing me how unqualified I was, how bad I was at user support, and such (they could not complain about my writing!). Here’s the worst part. Did I get up and walk out of there? No. I begged and pleaded with this awful woman, saying I needed to work or my children would lose their home. I honestly thought that is what was going to happen…I was going to fail to pay the mortgage and we’d be evicted.
It was a long bus ride home. Photo by David Geib on Pexels.com
Of course that didn’t happen. But I was so disheartened and down on myself that applying for other jobs was hell. Why would anyone want to hire such a poor worker? I went on unemployment, which at least fed us, and then, sure enough, opportunities arose. I did a bad job teaching Excel for a while (I did fine with Word–I’m not a numbers person), then started on the upswing when I got a GOOD contract for REAL money with people who became lifelong friends. But it was a SLOG getting my confidence back.
We even started a business later!
That experience taught me that no job is worth debasing yourself for. Yes, we need to work to pay bills and all that, but jobs exist. The next time someone started treating me like a pariah and making work torture, I left. Now? I’m not going to work unless it’s something I enjoy doing with people who are reasonable business folks. Mean Girls/Boys and power-hungry backstabbers won’t get a chance ever again.
I’ll write more about this tomorrow, but I’ve been touched by many kind birthday wishes. It reminds me I’m loved and cared for.
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
My lifelong self-improvement project is still chugging along.
That’s what it feels like right now, it’s an endless parade with yet another effing growth opportunity coming to knock me back down so I get to show how much I’ve grown and how well I handle my extreme anxiety and self esteem challenges. Whee. Also, long sentences.
Ominous clouds from last night.
To top it all off, we have no power, thanks to a huge storm passing over us this morning. Great way to start my last week of employment.
Yesterday I wasn’t working but did meet with my boss for about eight minutes during which I heard how great I am and how much I have helped the organization. However, I’m too expensive. It sounded like a lot of contractors were getting the boot. I wasn’t surprised about this, so I have already cut spending, eliminated many payments, etc. I’m sensible.
Like the bluebonnets, my goal is to get through this spring.
I am also human, so once we got the RV packed and headed home, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity for a couple of hours. I must say it was less wallow-y than my usual. Since I quit my negative self talk for the most part, I didn’t have much to wallow about. So I sat in my birding chair and stared numbly into the distance.
I felt all rumpled, like this dove.
The biggest challenge right now, other than the power outage that has stalled my initial goal of applying for Social Security and unemployment, is figuring out what I want to do next. I wish grooming and petting horses was a viable career path. Or walking through nature and explaining things to people, which is a real job, nature interpretation, but I have the wrong degrees. And I’d have to move, since I live in a desert when it comes to parks.
We can’t all be so lucky like this park Cardinal!
No need to suggest blogging for a living. I tried to monetize this blog and got $100 in a year and a half. That wasn’t worth subjecting readers to ads. I’m not exactly influencer material. That’s fine, by the way!
I’ll just swim along.
Whatever I do, even retirement, I want to help people and be a positive influence in the world. I’ll see what I can volunteer for.
And I’ll look at the nice flowers I got when we arrived home.
In the meantime, I could use a cup of coffee, but the powerful storms have done a number on the power here and it’s still out. Our outdoor cushions have tried to escape again. We weren’t prepared for this and didn’t put them away.
Send your productive working and volunteering ideas my way. I’ll be over here being resilient and working on the next chapter of my autobiography.
PS: power is back and I got coffee in my favorite mug. Off to achieve things.
It’s my biggest vice, because it has no health benefits at all and still I drink it almost every day. It’s Coke Zero. I love it. I allow myself no more than one can a day, I promise.
Mmmm
My other favorite non-alcoholic beverages have at least some positive aspects. I also drink coffee daily, Folgers Colombian. I like it with milk. Most of the time I use creamer, though (another useless beverage). I tried to be a fancy coffee person but I just like what I like. I’ll drink most anything and enjoy trying new flavors and the occasional espresso.
I agree with the sentiment
My favorite healthy beverage is mango juice or limeade. Both tend to be so sweet, though.
I do drink alcohol, though I’ve cut down a lot. I like all kinds of wine, amber beer (Negra Modela), and bourbon. A bourbon Old Fashioned makes me very happy. Just one.
I had many Old Fashioned photos to choose from on my camera
I love food prepared simply and don’t snack much unless someone brings Doritos in the house (not much going for them, other than corn and some cheese). I guess since I eat pretty well, get a good amount of exercise, and am at a good weight for me, I can have one shameful beverage a day.
Alfred is back to sleeping on his outdoor couch now that it’s above 20° outside.
These days, we should find joy wherever we can. My Columbian coffee might not be available soon, so I’ll enjoy it along with that Coke Zero.
Great question, prompt writers! I have a response.
Tonight I attended the Master Naturalist training class on birds for this year. I was supposed to have a horse lesson, but it was canceled due to the nasty cold and winds. Thus, I did my other option and I’m glad I did.
Suna learned how we birds breathe and what our “wishbones” do.
The speaker was brilliant, a gifted teacher and master birder. Those in our group who feel like we know birds were learning so many details we didn’t want it to stop! (Okay, probably my friend Ann knew most of the stuff.) I’m very glad to have spent four hours learning from him.
He mentioned that woodpeckers have fat around their brains to protect them from all that pecking action.
What struck me as relevant to today’s topic was that he talked about how great it is to love birds, because anyone you meet will have a bird story. Birds give strangers a common topic to start out on (or stay with). It rang so true for me as I think back on how many interesting people I’ve met while birding on camping trips. I guess my favorite people are those with a passion to share.
We learned shore birds aren’t usually territorial. They have plenty to eat.
But it’s not just birds. I find horses often lead to great conversations, and when you meet a fellow equestrian, you practically have to force yourselves to stop talking. I have to also love horse people. Heck. Enthusiasts of all kinds can be most enthusiastic!
I’m fascinating. Don’t you forget it.
Finding common ground may save us if we make the effort. We all have things in common if we take the time to look for them.
I bet you have a bird story or two you could share with me!
The Hermits' Rest 