Let’s Get Positive!

What positive events have taken place in your life over the past year?

Now this is a good question! It’s been quite a challenging year, but the good stuff has been huge. I’m actually doing very well, considering. And here’s why.

Bonus: cool skies, like this sun dog this morning, Thank you, Nature.

Progress with Horsemanship: I’ve gotten to where I can ride Drew, at least on many days. And Apache and I have made so much progress that I can’t stop smiling when I think of it. My nerves are better and he feels better, which is such a great combination.

He’s un-learning a lifetime of holding his head high.

Learning about Birds: I gave the Cornell Ornithology Lab a nice donation this year, because the improvements in the Merlin Bird ID app have made this bird lover know so much more about what lives here at the Hermits’ Rest and wherever I visit. I feel like I have familiar friends everywhere I go now, even with eight similar sparrows here at once.

Since I got no bird pictures today, here’s a Red Admiral I saw in my meditation tree.

Camping in Seneca: one of the best things about this year has been going camping with Lee. It’s been wonderful for our relationship to get away and spend time together (when I’m not hiking solo). He sure loves to drive that thing.

Natural-Lee

Making Mental Peace with My Family: I’ve worked hard at accepting the way things are with my family. I just want my son and sister happy with their choices. I’m doing much better at accepting the family members who DO talk to me just as they are. And I feel more empathy with my parents, who did the best they could. Even Mom. This kind of thing has helped bring me more peace inside.

39 years without Mom. That poor woman.

What’s good with you? Whatever it is, hold onto it! We’re in for some bumpy times, I think.

Happy Hanukkah for my Jewish friends. It’s such a hard time, especially for those close to me.

One Thing I Would Like to Change

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

If you’ve read more than a few posts on this here blog you know that this crone has a long list of things she’d like to change about herself, and that she at least says she’s working on them.

Today’s birds are white-crowned sparrows in a tree. They sang and sang.

So, what’s one thing I’d like to change about myself? Today I nominate my persistent and unwavering drive toward conflict and avoidance. I’d love to stop apologizing all the time and learn to take up for myself, whether it pisses people off and makes them dislike me or not.

The end.

Day or Night, It’s All Right

Are you more of a night or morning person?

Let’s answer this prompt. It’s harmless. I used to prefer nights, back when I did a lot of music stuff and going out with friends. I think I liked the activities, like choir practice and rehearsals more than the fact that it was night.

This is here just because I thought it was pretty.

Now that I mostly stay home, I’ve come to enjoy my morning routine out in the fields and woods. It’s grounding and gets my mind ready to get stuff done. I do enjoy having morning rituals like coffee and filling out my bullet journal for the day, too.

I often meditate while looking at lichen and bark.

I have evening rituals, too, like blogging and reading before I go to sleep. I guess I like to ease into the day and ease back out.

Magazine patiently waiting for me to finish blogging

I enjoyed the distraction of a lesson on Apache this afternoon. I wanted to build on last weekend, and it worked. We are doing well together, and I’m impressed with his eagerness to learn. I’m a lot more calm, too. He’s feeling better.

Next lesson will be for Drew, but it’s been postponed for family stuff. That gives me lots of time to work with them both at home, though. Drew and I have lots to practice, too! He is still weird about his head but otherwise tons of fun.


Daily Bird

I think the great blue herons on the ranch will be upset (or more upset) with me if I don’t feature them, so today’s the day.

It’s about time.

At least today I didn’t scare one who was busily cleaning out the overflow pond like I’d done for two days. I just watched them flying and posing at water’s edge.

I’m watching you.

My favorite thing about these large birds is their croak. They yell when disturbed and made to fly off. Often they don’t vocalize enough for the Merlin app to catch them, but it did this week. It’s a great creaky sound.

I’m glad we have water to attract these and the other herons/egrets here. They have so many postures and look so elegant when they fly. And they’re so big! It’s a nice contrast with all the tiny woodland birds.

Bonus phoebe.

The Hippie Takes a Day Off

What are your two favorite things to wear?

I say I’m a hippie, because when I saw the prompt for the day, two things popped into my head: blue jeans and t-shirts. I have had that as my uniform since the day I was allowed to wear pants to school, which I think was in 1971. It sure saved Mom money, so she didn’t argue with me. My clothing budget shrank a lot. And I bought my own shirts.

My avatar wears my usual stuff. Jeans, t-shirt, jean jacket and cowboy boots.

The t-shirts have only changed in that now there are more horses on them and before I had stylized drag racing cars. Peace symbols and flowers have stayed.

The jeans started out straight, became bell-bottoms, got high-waisted and low-waisted and repeated in various ways. Mostly I wore basic Levi’s.

I didn’t catch it, but I did see this goatweed leafwing butterfly today.

Now, on to the day off. I felt so good after a very long night of sleep, that I decided to take it easy today. I spent a lot of time birding, including being startled by the blue heron twice. It’s been picking off fish in the dwindling overflow pond, and neither of us can see the other until we’re on top of each other.

Location of heron.

The other encounter I had came when Carlton and I took a walk in the woods. Suddenly he froze. I think he was trying to point like a hunting dog. We’d come upon an opossum along the stream bed. he must have smelled it, since he doesn’t see well.

Look over there!

Carlton was a good boy and followed me so the animal could go on about its business. It was a good walk the rest of the way. I’m glad I didn’t bring the Mighty Huntress Goldie or we’d have had another bloodbath. Ugh.

Other than enjoying birds, I enjoyed the horses. This morning I caught them at playtime, which involved Drew and Dusty nuzzling then running down the pasture to the pens, rearing and pawing, then running back. Dusty still has it in him! (Pictures are blurry because I was far away.)

Mabel eventually got into the running, but not the rest of it. I’ve noticed that she’s now strong enough to chase off any horse who tries to nip her.

Eventually Apache thundered back and forth until they all gathered around the hay bale. It’s nice to watch them play, and I’m glad they have the space to do so.

Later I spent quality time with everyone, which is always so nice. Drew is a little pissy lately, since his head injury. But the other horses and Fiona were fine. I got all the burs off Mabel, even. I just have to wait until it’s her idea to have a petting session.

No burs!

I had plenty of time to make dinner, and was so relaxed I didn’t even get upset when Dish Network didn’t have the channel where Sunday Night Football was. Lee just went over and set up the antenna he’d bought weeks ago for just such an eventuality. Boom. TV. It comes in great, actually.

I made a potholder or hot pad. It’s very thick, because I crocheted it with thermal stitch.

And yes, I wore jeans and a t-shirt today.

Closeup of stitch

Daily Bird

I’m featuring the orange-crowned warbler today, because I’d never heard one here before, just on one camping trip. I didn’t see it, but I can sure ID one by sound now. It sounded like one of those rhythm instruments you scrape across in Latin music, usually five sets of scrapy sounds.

They only drop by here while migrating, according to the map.

A bird I saw a lot today was the Savannah sparrow. It’s a basic brown sparrow, but it’s everywhere this time of year. It and the pipit make little peeps.

Hard Decisions That Turn Out OK

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

You ask that, do you? I agonized a very this for about three years, during which time my mother passed away followed immediately by a breakup with the love of my life that was all my fault, followed by a serious of incredibly stupid relationship decisions and total failure at my career path. 1984-87 really stunk.

Here comes the brutal honesty for which I’m noted, for better or worse.

I’d say this was the period in my life when I realized that, no, I wasn’t the brilliant, nice, ethically consistent person I thought I was. That’s hard. I realized just how mentally screwed up I was in my drive to be perfect and that I was an emotional vampire who confused sex with love. Everyone has to realize they’re imperfect eventually (if they’re honest with themselves).

Worse, I ended up unable to stomach being an academic with all the drama, pressure, and competition. It just wasn’t what I’d hoped it was and I wasn’t actually very good at it.

Dogs like me, though.

So I decided to leave my career path and all the people I cared about at the university and do something else. I felt like a failure and that I’d let my family and friends down. That was hard. Acknowledging my inadequacy was hard. Admitting I was a bad partner was hard. Owning up to my anxiety and past trauma was very hard.

But no one really cared very much about my inner turmoil. They just wanted to see me stable, happier, and more positive. I ended up free of expectations and obligations and could move forward to use all I’d learned in a perfectly good career. I learned to love in a positive way. It was OK.

Oh look I’m crocheting something. It’s a hot pad in thermal stitch.

I make decisions much faster now. I’ve learned that whatever I do will be fine. I’ll learn the lessons I need to learn and keep putting one foot ahead of the other. Today is what matters and I want more peaceful, fulfilling days than stressful ones.


Daily Bird

I enjoyed a group of Harris’s sparrows today. I realize I’ve featured a lot of sparrows but we have eight kinds here! I heard these guys by the brush pile this morning, which pleased me because there was so much traffic on our road due to an accident that it was hard to hear birds in front of the house.

Not normal traffic here.

Harris’s sparrows make a less melodic sound than some of the others, more like very loud, low barks. It’s hard to decide how to describe it. But they were chatty and friendly today.

A pair of them started out in the honey locust, then got on the ground quite close to me, so I could easily see their interesting black head and chest markings. They’re the most distinctive ones, for sure.

By the way, the house wren and Carolina wren are loudly lobbying to be featured, so I’ll get something else soon. In the other hand, I’ve seen Mexican eagles (caracaras) doing mating dances in the sky twice this week. They do some loud wing flapping! So, they’re candidates. More to come.

Holiday Traditions Are Few This Year

Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?

If they are referring to the winter holidays, like the Solstice or Christmas, then there’s only been one constant since my children were little, and that’s to have cinnamon rolls for breakfast. We used to eat them while opening gifts.

Something cheerful: Vlassic running at sunset.

For many, many reasons I’m not doing much for Christmas this year. It’s going to be a hard one for much of my family, and I’m not feeling very celebratory. I’m just going to go somewhere with Lee, if we can get someone to feed dogs and medicate Apache.

Speaking of horses, I caught Drew and Fiona being friendly today.

If not, I’ll stay home and eat cinnamon rolls then cook a meal for the same people I cooked Thanksgiving for. Maybe I’ll make pork loin and correct cranberry sauce. I think there will be small, handmade gifts for people.

You know, I think I just don’t want to do anything religious. I’m not happy with things being done in the name of religion these days, especially the ones stemming from Moses and his tribes. I’m disappointed in wars, book banning, misogyny, religious intolerance, and fundamentalism. All of it.

For the solstice, which at least predates Christmas, there will be candles and maybe a fire if the place we go has a fireplace. I’ll make decorations out of things from the woods and put intentions of peace into them.

Or we can watch a sunset.

It will be fine to skip materialism and shiny things for one year and concentrate on helping struggling loved ones however I can.


Daily Bird

We had some rain today, but it only rained hard briefly. It did quiet the birds down. The daily birds just have to be the European starlings.

As I went out to slog through the puddles to feed the horses, I heard sounds like tiny bells. It was a huge flock of starlings heading off to some field now that the sun was back out. It always amazes me how many there are.

I learned in a magazine that the flocks often contain the local grackles as well. Blackbirds like each other, I guess. I’m never going to love grackles, those resourceful parking lot scroungers with the incredibly annoying whistles, the great-tailed grackles. I’ll work on it.

Oh, Peeves, There Are So Many

Name your top three pet peeves.

Yet, more than once in my life I’ve been called elitist for mentioning some of my peeves. After all, educated folks who know and use standard English are looked at as suspiciously progressive or something.

I won’t put the Latin name for this common buckeye so I’ll seem less snooty.

I’m all for creative use of language, am well aware that language changes constantly. So I am fine with observing new language, even if I never call u bae.

And I don’t even know ow which checkered butterfly this is.

So my peeves are mostly language usage. Not New language, just wrong stuff. Other than number 3 below.

1. Please use the contraction “you’re” when you are shortening “you are.” It’s easy. The word “your” refers to something of yours. Like your ability to spell words even when you’re using autocorrect.

I hope this peevish list doesn’t make me look like one of these.

2. Speaking of apostrophes, (a word with no apostrophes in it, by the way), they aren’t like garnish on top of salads that you sprinkle wherever they look cute. You do not pluralize nouns by adding ‘s. Nope. If there’s more than one item, you add a plain letter “s” unless the word ends in an s or z sound. The. You add “es” with no apostrophe. Even people’s NAMES are pluralized that way! Lee and I are Kendalls and Brunses. Now if we own something? Stick an apostrophe in there! Ms. Kendall’s pet peeves are a great example.

That’s enough, Suna.

3. Ooh, ooh! I have another one to add to my apoplectic elitist frenzy of prescriptivism! There is a recent trend to take perfectly innocent nouns and make them into some kind of cutesy verbs. Like:

  • What are you gifting this year? It’s the time of year to gift and gift some more!
  • What’s your favorite way to morning? Coffee, of course.
  • It’s time to football!

I think it started with things like weekending and breakfasting and has just kept spreading.

Butterfly break! Dainty yellow.

4. It’s versus its. At least this one’s harder. But in this one case, the apostrophe is only for smooshing two words together and not for possession. So I get it that it’s hard to get its nuances.

A good angle on this fiery skipper.

Enough of that. Today was a fine day with much sunshine, pleasant coolness, and many butterflies. As you can see, I got a few photos, but I saw many more, plus a caterpillar I can’t identify.

Daily Bird

Today, since it was sunny and not very windy, there were lots of birds to enjoy. I counted eight types of sparrows! But the bird I enjoyed the most was the hermit thrush. It’s hard to resist a bird who shares a name with your ranch.

I like that it skulks

Today’s thrush was skulking in the big brush pile that was created last year in the woods, and it was chupping up a storm. it even drowned out a very vocal wren. I saw it a couple of times, but like the pipits, it looks a lot like a little brown bird that’s hard to distinguish without binoculars. I’m glad I know what it sounds like.

I have to admit that once again I heard a cool “bird,” then sheepishly remembered we do have a few squirrels out here.

What’s My Favorite Animal, You Ask?

What are your favorite animals?

Actually, no one asked this except the daily prompt writer, because everyone who knows me more than as a glancing acquaintance can tell you my favorite animal is the horse, followed closely by and endless parade of dogs.

Mabel laughs at the absurdity of anyone wondering what my favorite animal is.

I’ve loved horses since before I knew exactly what a horse was. My mother wasn’t clear on the concept either, and taught baby Suna that horses said “hee haw” of all things.

That’s re-donk-ulous.

In fact, my most beloved toddler toy was, um, a stuffed giraffe, which I named Hee Haw, and insisted was a horse. I panicked when Mom washed it.

I really loved horses. There are photos of me in a tiny cowboy hat riding my spring-loaded rocking horse and a giant pillow with a plastic horse head modeled after Fury the TV horse. I can’t find a picture of that, but I did eventually have this 1964 book.

By the time I was past the toddler years I already had a collection of porcelain horses, given to me by my Swedish grandfather. He must have had a lot of faith in me not to break them. More have been broken by house cleaners than were broken by me.

This is what’s left.

I drew horses constantly as a kid. It gave me something to do when I was done with schoolwork. No photos of those sad things are available. I didn’t actually know many horses, so they were a little off, even though I stared at my Album of Horses book and repeatedly read Black Beauty. I must have been a tiresome child. I went through a lot of crayons and paper.

Time to pause for the Daily Whine

That tiresomeness hasn’t changed. I still make very annoying word choices (like over apologizing) due to my long-term self esteem issues, which embarrasses me, which makes my dedicated efforts to love myself just as I am even more challenging. huh.


Let’s talk about how I did my best to soothe my soul today.

Even though it was pretty nippy outside due to a biting wind, I went for a nice walk in the woods, since cattle weren’t in that pasture at the moment.

I got to enjoy watching this happy young snapping turtle.

I found a few signs of fall color and enjoyed watching my “secret spring” behind the back pond. It’s not really a secret, but probably only Sara and I have really noticed it. Maybe Kathleen did when she was meditating in the woods. We’re all forest bathers!

There were even a few birds to watch. Now that most of the leaves are off the trees I can see the chickadees, titmice, sparrows, and vireos much better.

In addition to this egret who was checking out the shallow seasonal pools and lots of swirling vultures, Merlin heard a new bird, more than once, even: an evening grosbeak. I’d love to see it.

Anyway, all the dark trees, the bright green rye grass, and wintry blue skies made me relax a bit and got me ready for toting numerous 50-pound bags of horse and chicken feed later.

Ready for work tomorrow.

Fame and Gratitude

If you could meet a historical figure, who would it be and why?

Yow. This is hard! I came up with the Buddha, because I’d like to have learned from him. I’d also have enjoyed talking to Eleanor Roosevelt. I’d love her perspective on the choices she made in life and to experience her intelligence in person.

Unretouched sunset

Really, though, regular people can be just as interesting as famous people. It would be interesting to talk to some of my ancestors in the Middle Ages in England, just to see what life was really like for women then.

Did they listen to birds or were they too busy trying to survive?

Okay, so it was US Thanksgiving, two years since my sister walked out and never spoke to me again. I have so many weird memories of this holiday, but I still love it. I miss cooking with someone.

You can see birds better now that leaves are off.

Today most of our usual dinner companions were dealing with pressing matters elsewhere, so it was just me, Lee, Anita, and my son. But it was pleasant, fairly relaxed (other than not being able to find a blender or even a potato masher to puree corn).

Table set with random things.

I messed up my own cranberry sauce recipe by adding lime oil (bad idea), but everything else was tasty, even the turkey I just stuck in the oven and cooked. Desserts were great, too. Anita made a lovely cranberry bread with fresh pecans from her neighborhood trees.

Food.

The best part of the evening was just sitting around and talking after dinner and a little concertina concert from my son, who found the instrument under some stairs in a building he’s renovating. Anyway, we all just went from humor to serious conversation, and I think we all had a good time. I’m very grateful for the chance to have relaxed conversations with people I love.

Rainbow after we ate.

So all is well, even though our minds were on family and friends who are struggling.

Daily Bird

I’ll say today’s bird is the loggerhead shrike. I enjoy them bellowing from the electric wires and leaving insects stuck on the fences. They’re such fierce little guys. I enjoyed watching this one today.

Shrieking shrike

I’m glad we have such interesting birds here!

Is It Instinct?

Do you trust your instincts?

I can’t top yesterday’s blog post, so I’ll just answer the daily prompt.

I’ve always trusted my instincts. I’m intuitive. Besides that, I think I take in cues I don’t consciously perceive that lead me to know what I should or want to do. It’s just how I’m built. I’m not good at deliberation; in fact many bad decisions I’ve made came from overthinking.

Sunset looked like a flag

Sure, things go wrong, but often I learn the most when acting on instinct and getting different results than I expected. You just make the best decision with the information you have at the time. The worst thing is to not do anything at all, so my instincts are good enough for me.

Bug of the day is a young green stink bug. Yep, not green at this stage.

Honestly, as I’ve gotten older I’ve quit believing any predictions, promises, or plans for the future. I’m just going with the flow and not trying to influence the outcome. I’ll learn what I’m meant to learn. That has lessened my anxiety considerably.

Bird watching also helps. I saw the kingfisher catch a fish today!

So yeah, I think my instincts are correct for me and I’ll stick with them.

My instinct today was that I needed to spend some time with my equine friends. So while Drew was being a pain for Sara while she tried to trim his hooves, I hung out with the other horses.

I’m pretty for a brat.

I got burs out of them, which took a while for Dusty. His mane is sparse, but his thick tail was just about all bur. He munched hay and let me work on him. I brushed him, too, which he always likes.

I still manage to get burs in this little tuft.

Mostly I worked with Mabel, though. She’s been on a product called Gut-X for a while and it seems to have done the trick and helped her put on more weight. I’m pleased.

Looks like a horse.

She’d already been getting happier, and now she voluntarily comes up for attention. She let me fix up her tail and much of her mane, but mostly she wanted to be brushed softly and stroked. We spent a long time just being together.

Still has that face only a mother could love.

After I was done, she stood in her pen and yawned over and over. This kind of release is a very good sign in a horse. She’s feeling good, even though one hoof is cracked and her eye had been runny earlier (she got hay in there).

Today’s Bird

Today I saw a bird we all see often, but one I rarely see here at the ranch. It really surprised me, as it was sitting on top of the utility vehicle right next to me as I went through the gate from the house.

The pigeon never moved. Eventually it must have flown off, though. We see doves here (mourning, white-winged, Inca) but not often pigeons. Wonder where it came from?