The ambiguous question here could be asking about fine wine, whiskey, cheese, or the patina on sculptures. It could also be asking what gets better as people get older. I’ll answer that one, though I warn you a lot of it will sound familiar. I don’t have that many themes in me.
Mmm. Wine.
One thing that I and many of my friends have found to get better with age is the ability to not need to be popular, liked, or acclaimed. It’s like that dull women group on Facebook: we are able to accept our ordinariness as well as our quirks and unique features. Not everyone will be impressed. And many of us elders are just fine with it. Loving yourself just as you are is something that takes a while to learn, for many.
That’s me and Lee. Just as we are.
Age also brings long-term perspective. It’s hard to have the insights that come from a long view until you have one. If you make it past age 50 or so you start to see patterns that repeat and can say, oh yes, I remember when television was going to ruin us but didn’t — probably video games didn’t ruin our children and TikTok won’t ruin our grandchildren. Maybe.
Me pensively taking the long view. Best I can do.
A final gift of age is that you come to appreciate little things in life. As your mind and body weaken, you are glad you can still read books and move around some. You appreciate sunrises and sunsets, because you don’t have many left. And you rejoice in the kindnesses you see in others.
Today’s sunrise.
That’s the best part for me, ferreting out the goodness hiding in plain sight. Try it! You don’t have to be older to do it!
Speaking of goodness, I cleaned my saddle and replaced my missing conchos. I have a saguaro cactus theme.
(I think the title to my post came from an ad for hair dye, right? Yes, I looked it up. It’s from the early 1970s.)
(Bonus: I think I wrote a five-paragraph paper, the thing we kept being assigned to do in high school. Mrs. Chisholm would be pleased, if she were still on this earth.)
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
I’ll tell you what I do with negative feelings! I squash them down and distract myself with plants! Who can feel bad when they’ve just seen their first mayapple?
The most beautiful plant! The flowers hide under a giant leaf umbrella!
One common criticism of Past Suna was that she was sooo negative. That stung, but it led me to get to work on figuring out how to reframe how I interpreted the world around me. That, in turn, has led me to express myself less negatively. It was a lot of effort at first, but I think I’m a lot less negative, in general.
Sure, it rained this morning, which made getting ready to travel difficult, but it was beautiful afterwards, and we needed the rain.
I’ve noticed that lately, when things happen that once would have made me upset, I notice that whatever it was happened, feel angry, annoyed, or sad, but then let it go. How did I finally learn to stop dwelling on things and wallowing excessively? I DO NOT KNOW. My best guess is that all the effort I’ve put into mindfulness, seeing the good in situations, and turning away negative thoughts became second nature after a lot of repetition. Dang, I wish I could have gotten there sooner, but that’s my path!
Who knows where our paths will take us?
Here’s an example. Today we were looking forward to picking up Hermee the Jeep and towing him to the Cooper Lake South Sulphur Unit State Park (quite a mouthful) behind Seneca the motorhome. Do you see a Jeep in this picture?
Nope, just a hulking home on wheels.
Yep, the towing equipment wouldn’t be done until 4 pm, way too late for us to drive 4 hours and arrive in daylight. It turned out the scheduled technician had a death in the family. Well, I was irritated for one minute, then just made sure we have enough food, and looked forward to the weekend anyway. That guy’s family is more important than having two vehicles. We will get Hermee on our way back.
We have all we need.
It’s harder to be negative, too, when you’re looking at life from a wider perspective. Hanging around with nature so much, and working to understand horses and dogs has helped drive home the perspective I need. I remember the world does not revolve around me, I’m part of a bigger universe, and pouting or weeping won’t stop the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. It’s so much better (at least for me) to just sit back and watch the show, tending to matters that are within my ability to control (my own actions).
Mexican plum
The fewer expectations I have of those around me, the more at peace I become. And this lets me truly enjoy the goodness and kindness that pours in from the family and friends who care. And they’re the ones that count and bring joy, even in hard times.
Um, anyway, yeah, we have driven to the park we accidentally drove to a few months ago. It’s more wintry in north Texas than at home, but I think I’ll have lots of fun walking around this weekend. The weather should be pleasant.
There’s a lake out there.
With no Jeep to get me to trailheads, I’ll get some good walking in. And if it rains, I have loads of knitting and writing to do. It’s all good. It’s weirdly stress free other than concerns for some family health issues. I can’t fix it by worrying, though, so I’ll keep sending out good intentions and doing whatever concrete things I can to be helpful.
And, here are some plants and vultures.
HoneysuckleRagwort VioletWillow in bloomBeautiful dead nettle Ah-choo. Oak pollen. Rusty blackhaw Campsite viewNew oak leavesMay apples in the woods Some kind of lilyKettle of vultures Things seen in the RV camping area
How do you deal with negative feelings? Is it easier or harder as you age?
I had a philosophical post about aging all planned, but I’ve had such a nice day, that I’ll just say how glad I am to be 65 years old, alive, healthy, and able to enjoy life.
I’m still full of potential.
I spent my whole officially old birthday doing whatever I wanted to. I spent the morning chatting with the men of the house and giving myself hippie fingernails. I earned them by surviving the 60s.
I enjoyed the flowers Lee got me that I arranged to look about as tie dye as my nails.
Colored baby’s breath cracked me up.
Then I spent an afternoon horsing around. What fun it was. I was just Sara’s helper as she did recording of her horses doing their Q1 Virtual Show. I enjoyed helping groom them.
So much pretty hair.
It was fun watching Aragorn do cool stuff, but more fun watching future mama Sully try her best to open gates and deal with that darned flag. But by gum, she trotted through the slalom like a dream. And she gave me a gift! I got to feel the foal move inside her! It was so cool.
It was helping her with her shows.
On the way home we got birthday ice creams, which was sweet. What a good afternoon. But it wasn’t over, because I then got Drew going and we had a fine ride! After that, he kindly mowed the grass where the mower can’t reach. He is such a cutie.
MmmmowingI’m so darn cuteTired from mowing
So what if I’m old? I had a great dinner with an amazing ice cream cake for dessert, and enjoyed the gifts of family and friends today! Look at all these “gifts!”
Butterflies! Horses!Brother-in-law and VlassicFlowersDonkeys! Marlys (from Anita)Life!!
Honestly, the blogging software asked, but I was also asked by my contact at the company who contracts me out to Dell at my current position.
So, do you?
Yes, Bertie Lee, I do. I like it as much as I liked my previous job before they replaced my amazing boss with, um, someone else. I’d figured I’d stay until the contract ended next September then “retire.”
Are you the retirement type, Suna?
No, I’m not. I like having something to do, and if I’m helping people out, I feel good. In my current job, I help people use confusing yet powerful software to get their own work done. And I help my team get their work by answering questions so they don’t have to.
Did you hear that, Butter? She helps people just like she helps us hens! Do they thank her by giving eggs, like we do?
No, Bertie Lee, they thank me by giving respect and autonomy. There’s no micromanaging on our team, just encouragement and support. It helps that everyone is great at their jobs, of course. It’s been a great last hurrah in corporate America.
What’s she going on about, ladies?
I’m just saying that if this job continues, I’ll keep going for another few years, though it’s tempting to have more time for horses and travel. I guess the month that Medicare kicks in is pretty much guaranteed to cause introspection!
I’m only as young as I feel, but other than the lingering wheeze, I feel as good as I ever have. And yes, I like my job.
PS: I only had time to take chicken pictures today. Much work followed by long-overdue grocery shopping filled the time. Good news is Zippy Bippy, the new car, can hold a LOT with the seats down.
The Hermits' Rest 