work – Page 12 – The Hermits' Rest

Bye-Bye Bobcat

Dateline: Austin. Today was sorta hard in a few ways. For one, I worked on so many things that my head was spinning, plus I was trying to get packed for my next condo stay. Because of that, today’s brief visit with Anita was my last time in Bobcat when I own it.

We’re looking out at the sunset, as the sun goes down on our time in Austin.

And, whoa, it was windy even for out at the ranch! Gusts were well over 40 miles per hour. It was actually hard to walk, which helped me reach my exercise goal. That’s rare. Things were banging around the chickens and the horses, so I worked on shutting them up.

I got everything done in time, including horse and donkey hugs. Apache got his feet trimmed, so there was bonding time for all.

Eventually, the relatives returned from their duties at the Hermits Rest Home, as I secretly dubbed the farm in Yorktown. After watching the dogs frolic in the wind and staring at the pool, Lee and I headed to Austin with my luggage. As Lee shared how thrilled he was to never go over the speed bumps again, I got all sad about selling my house.

Maybe it’s homely outside, but it was a refuge.

Lee reminded me that we plan to come back each month for book club, so it’s not like I’ve left forever. But, I’ll really miss this haven of peace and quiet.

I was so sad that I really couldn’t hang around long. I’ll just call Anita Saturday and really talk about her house, her job, and plans. Good thing she’s such a good friend.

So, we headed over to the always unique Austin Airport Hilton, the one that used to be an Air Force command center.

They recently redecorated, and it’s really nice now. It was nice of Lee to join me. We’re enjoying some local-ish bourbon and watching some football. I’m glad we get to spend the evening together peacefully.

I’m looking forward to my trip to Colorado tomorrow. I’ll get to hang out with some old friends, see some snow, and do my annual solo retreat. Of course, I’ll be working, since contractors get no vacation! But I’ll have plenty of afternoon and evening time, thanks to 6 am meetings starting my day off long before sunrise!

It will be fine. I love working in new places. I’m not so worried about getting sick, with all my vaccinations, too. It’s getting better, a bit. Maybe. Knock on wood.

Imagining the Future

I know I’m supposed to be living in the moment right now, but just for a few minutes let me digress and think about the future.

Lee and I took a walk this evening and were looking around with the dogs and everything her. The sun was so beautiful in the sky as it was going down. The dogs were playing, the clouds were scuttling across so beautifully. Some of them were fast and some of them were slow. It was pretty cool.

Then we decided to go sit in the hot tub and watch the sunset. Yes we could do that. We watched the sun making beautiful colors and imagined there being water in there and not dirt.

I did discover a problem. Do you know what? It’s really hard to get in and out of that hot tub. There are no stairs. And I am a short person. I think we’re going to have to work something out.

Ya know, with my workday being so long and so full of hard thinking, it’s great to just sit around and not do anything for a little while. I love my new job but wow, are the assignments I’m given in there complicated, and they have a lot of problems and issues. My job is to fix them! How about that? I may be tired, but it’s al good.

We also relaxed and hung out with friends.

Autumn sunsets are my favorite, and when I get back from my next trip, the leaves will be gone. So, I’ll save all these views for enjoyment when I’m elsewhere. These are in chronological order. Storms are coming!

Still Competent

I will tell you what feels strange, but good. That would be having meetings with your supervisor and her boss in which both said what a great meeting it was and what good work you’re doing. It had been a couple of years since that happened. Nice.

It’s amazing how feeling competent can affect your outlook on life. I am tired every day after work, but not stressed out. I can handle that.

Drew is doing well at his job, too. Those scary flags aren’t affecting him anymore.

Other than being so tired I have trouble getting my volunteer stuff done, I’m still handling things remarkably well. I’m taking care of obligations! Who am I? Grown-up Suna?

I’m never too busy to take a photo of a nuptial scorpionfly.

While I’m sad I missed last weekend’s Master Naturalist conference due to the new hourly job, I can see it was a good decision. The one thing I need to work on more is paring down my to-do list and volunteer obligations. I may have to step back until I’m done with this job. Sigh. But I only have so many spoons, you know. Look it up if you’re unfamiliar!

I’ll knit now. That’s my spoon regeneration technique. I’m also still fairly competent at that.

Does Your Subconscious Try to Sabotage You?

As you know, I started a new job a couple of weeks ago, consulting at Dell on the software I worked with at the previous job. The new job features a very smart team, some fun clients to work with, and a reasonable and kind boss. These are all good things! I’ve completed a couple of little projects and a sorta big one already, and everyone seems pleased with it. No problems there!

This angst-filled woman keeps making an appearance in my dreams. That’s me and Eudora in the early 1980s.

But, my dreams have just not left me alone! I keep dreaming that I am unable to finish things, that I have messed something up (including one where I completely forgot how to use the software I was demonstrating). I’ve dreamed repeatedly of people telling me I’m not fitting in, am a poor worker, and that I don’t know what I’m doing.

Gee whiz, subconscious, what are you trying to say here, that I am Imposter Syndrome Queen or something? I’ve been doing really well in my waking hours with not taking criticism to heart, realizing that whatever went wrong in the previous job was not all me and had to do with something I wasn’t even aware of. I’ve been doing GREAT at not expecting everyone in the world to like me or think highly of my work. I am not basing my self esteem on someone else’s opinion, while still trying to do good work and owning my mistakes. That all sounds fairly adult of me (about time).

To change the subject, my it was a dewy morning.

These things you develop as you are growing up really stick with you, don’t they? I was always so darned fixated on pleasing my dad and my teachers that when I made the slightest error I was horrible to myself. The hardest thing I ever did was give up on academia, because even though it was the best thing for me to do for ME, I was so concerned about disappointing my family and my professors. So outwardly focused.

No matter how much better I’m doing and how much I learn, little Suna keeps peeking out and waving around to remind me that I’m still a bit of a mess, just like everyone else is (thank goodness I realize THAT now).

I did have a weird work-related dream that made me laugh, though. I dreamed I wanted a Wendy’s walnut burger (??). I had not been to Wendy’s in a long time and it had changed since COVID into a weird antiseptic, white subway-tiled place, where you went in one at a time to order. When it was my turn, the server told me that before I could order, I had to set up my Wendy’s PIN.

Something else to make you laugh. Brown Chick riding on top of Star. Black Chick did it later!

Well, that was fine, I guessed. Then the server told me that my PIN had to be the number that corresponded to one of the things that was on a laminated sheet of paper. The paper had on it photos of various things. I can remember a glass of wine and some piece of clothing. I said, “I don’t have any numbers associated with those things.” The server insisted that I had to use MY number for one of the things.

I finally decided there was a number I could associate with one of them, and asked the guy, “So, where do I write it down?” He looked at me, all fuzz-faced and panicked, and said, “I don’t know! I just started!”

I was never so glad to hear an alarm go off.

Happy Monday.

Am I Too Old for This?

Whew. I got through the first day at the new job. Talk about information overload! At least I understand much of it!

Just relaxing by the pool and enjoying the giant balloon vine.

Everyone was nice, and I can sure see why they brought me in. I’m glad I’ll have some juicy challenges to deal with and that I can help, I hope. My team lead said they were referring to me as She Who Must Not Be Named, because they didn’t want to jinx it.

I’d say the only bad part is having to go to two-hour meetings starting at 7 am…every day. I guess I’ll be going to bed even earlier now!

I’ll enjoy the extra money, though, and the smart folks I get to work with. See, I can handle change. I just get tired easily, you know, because I’m old.

Actually, my stress level is a bit lower, now that the house is on the market and Anita’s tenant has moved out. Just a couple more dominoes to fall, and we can get back to just taking pandemic precautions. Maybe.

So Many Transitions

Whew. I got through my last day at this job pretty easily, because there was a workshop all morning that was sort of fun, other than a couple of people scowling at me for showing up. But, they couldn’t stop me!

Two colleagues showed up at lunch, and we had a nice lunch in the courtyard, which is the part of the building I’ll miss the most. They then helped me load my car. My poor desk looked so empty.

It was good to see that Trevor is a real person.

At least I got to meet Trevor, the newest person on our team. He was nice in person, just like on Zoom.

t looks so fancy. I gave Anita those nice flowers for her birthday.

Then I went back to the Bobcat Lair, which doesn’t look at all like my house anymore. It should appeal to all bland people! I put a bunch of stuff in Lee’s car, so there is room in the garage for my son’s stuff to hide when they are taking pictures and showing the house.

The rug has been hiding since I got Carlton and he tried to tear it up. Nice rug.

I also did a lot of sitting and looking out the windows, because it’s so darn pretty.

This is our guest room, or would have been if it hadn’t been crammed with plants and boxes. It had a beautiful view.

Carol, our long-time friend and real estate agent, is working hard to get the house ready, and we sure do appreciate that. Things are just so crazy for me that I can’t stick around here to be of much help. But, I did a little, anyway.

Some of my wonderful book club neighbors.

Last night we had book club in the neighborhood, and they all seemed glad that Anita and I plan to continue to attend, even when we no longer live in Austin. I told Anita she could share my hotel room. I’d even give her a ride. (Sorry I didn’t get good photos of everyone; I love them all.)

My friends were SO sad about the house going on the market. But we had a great time. Friends make even hard transitions a little easier.

This Is Hard

Today I went in to Austin, because it’s book club day, and the day after Anita’s birthday. I must hand out post-birthday hugs! And, I must remove things from the Bobcat Lair house, because the garage is full and they can’t store anything else in it to get ready for staging and photographs. Leaving my sanctuary is hard, hard, hard for me. I love the house, the neighborhood, my roommate, and the fantastic neighbors there. But, it makes sense to sell now, while it’s worth a lot of money (no matter how hideous we apparently made it when we lived there), and Lee and I need retirement income.

While I’m not feeling terribly happy right now, I do have my stickers on inanimate objects that I’ve had for many years. Luckily this lamp goes home with me.

I’m also in Austin so I can get ready to vacate my office at the company where I’ve worked ten years. I can tell you one thing: a Suna can accumulate a LOT of stuff in ten years, especially when she was still saving “important” papers from all her jobs since 2006.

I’m guessing Polycom is not going to ask me to do any more e-learning videos with so many acronyms they’re incomprehensible ever again, so I threw that stuff away. I also have stuff from every other time I’ve worked at Dell, and I’m not sure why those things were so important, either. I didn’t throw away all my old work pictures and stuff from when I had walls. I must find a place for my framed Breathe and Exhale images. I’ve loved them for so long that they are faded.

My stuff. It’s really not that much. One box is mostly Christmas decor.

This smiling face gets left at the office, since it’s on my monitor support beam.

Anyway, I have been having some wonderful conversations with colleagues that have made me feel better about my image in the company (no, it’s not all negative after all, which I suspected). I just got on the wrong side of some political thing or another, and that’s all I need to know. I do want to make this known: there are some absolutely wonderful folks in the place I’ve been working, with life experiences and ideas I’m so glad to have had a chance to learn about. I’m hoping the company thrives and moves forward, because its people are making such an effort.

Still, I am all excited about my new role, and not just because I get to keep working with material I helped create many years ago. I always like meeting smart new people. My new boss even sends nice emails! And my new laptop comes tomorrow. I’m ready to roll with the changes, whatever they may be.

I’ll miss this three-monitor setup, the adjustable-height desk, and of course the free fruit and beverages. I won’t miss the concrete pillar in front of me or working in the least-pleasant area of the whole building. And yes, I had a rear-view mirror. No sneaking up on me!

Tired of Tiring Tire Repairs

So, I’ve had to get two new tires in the past few months, and now Lee had his own tire surprise. As he was turning onto the main road in Cameron, he heard a noise and lost ten pounds of air pressure.

He made it to the tire store before it lost all its air. We were all surprised by the photo above. How did a nut driver get into his tire? It’s so big. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something this big get it. Lee says it must have been sticking up at just the right angle. That poor man has sure had a lot of breakdowns and such lately.

At least it could be repaired. I hope it’s a good one, because I have to drive the Tahoe to Austin tomorrow so I can put stuff in it from the Bobcat house. There’s no more room in the garage for things the stager rejects.

That house has got to go on the market! I’m sorta scared to go in there in case I might muss something up.

I’d rather be with Penney running around in the empty pool.

Not really looking forward to the last two days at work. I’ll miss my desk, the courtyard, and the coffee machines.

Why I Didn’t Want to Leave My Job but Left Anyway

It came as a surprise to some folks that I took a new position after being at one place for such a long time. To others, it came as a relief, no doubt. But to be honest, I really wanted to stay at my current employer. I just wasn’t a great fit for what I was currently doing.

But I’m happy today. Me and Bogey the horse

I’d really been enjoying the work I was doing in diversity and inclusion there. I discovered I was really interested in the topic (thus all my book reports on unconscious bias and allyship) and wanted to help the company move forward with their focus on creating a diverse and inclusive workplace. I’d brought up the idea of creating an official position for D&I, and everyone I talked to thought it was a great idea and that I’d be a good choice. But, new CEOs, new initiatives, new reorganizations, and new priorities came up that made my urgent desire a not-so-urgent corporate nice-to-have. I totally get that, but I do want my colleagues to know I really cared about the people at the company and wanted to be able to help them with their concerns. Things just didn’t work out due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control.

In addition, I cared very much about the customers of this company and was darned proud of the work I’d done to help them succeed in using a complicated enterprise-level software “solution.” I would love to have stayed in my position where I contributed to that work, which is exactly why I took my new position: I get to do what I like and am good at again!

Mostly, though, I hate leaving people I care about and who rely on me. I know perfectly well that no one is irreplaceable. In fact, I repeated this endlessly the last time the organizational priorities and my skills and interest no longer meshed and I needed to go elsewhere. (I do feel I left those folks in a bad position, but they seem to have all found other good stuff to do.) Where I am now, I was onboarding new team members and serving as a mentor to a few other folks. I’ll miss this the most. I was actually doing my best to hang on as long as I could be helpful to my coworkers and do good work in whatever role I was asked to do.

This is Chevy, the other horse where I am. He is also gray!

Sometimes you have to change your jobs. I did have a choice here…to wait and see if I could find a better fit in the company or look at other options. It’s weird as heck that a recruiter called with the new position the exact same day I realized I had to leave. That sounds all pretty and like it’s a packaged tied up in a bow, but I just wanted to share that it was not an easy decision.

One of my character “features” is that I care. I care about my work and the people I work with. Things would be a lot easier if I didn’t. I was way too committed to the “servant leadership” thing for my own good, and really wanted to be there for people who need my encouragement or support.

Two pretty boys. Bogey is very, very tall. Both had their manes trimmed because of sand burs.

I wish all of you who work in large organizations the kind of leadership who provide encouragement, support, and mentorship. I’m not planning to seek opportunities to lead teams during my remaining few years in the workforce, though. I’ll do work I like, do my best, and give and seek support elsewhere.

A Surprise from Suna

Folks, it’s been a very long and very hard week for your resident blogger, but the good news is that Suna is here, has met her challenges and come out on the other side with her pride and self esteem intact. That’s really, really good news.

Like good ole Dusty here, I’ve been dealing with a load of poop, and it’s left me a bit disheveled.

I can generically shared that I got some quite unexpected and upsetting feedback at my job last week. You know me and my lifelong battle with self esteem…I was a bit of a mess there for a day or two. But, all this growth stuff I keep talking about kicked in MUCH quicker than it would have in the past. And life and the Universe already had an option ready for me when I needed it most!

A mere fifteen minutes after the unpleasantness, I had an interview for a job that I’d decided I just HAD to do, because it looked so interesting. After talking to the recruiter it became clear that there literally was no one else on the face of the earth more qualified for the job than me. It was like, “Here is the description of the part of your job you’ve enjoyed the most, but that no longer is a priority, so you’re not doing it now.”

I had a perfectly reasonable week at work this week, because I actually DO like my current coworkers and the project I’m working on. But, after interviewing with the cool and interesting people at the other job, it clearly was a better fit for my skills and my current stage of life. Oh yes, don’t forget that much better pay rate. So, I said yes and gave my two weeks’ notice where I am now.

Oh yeah, the pool is ready for the next stage. It even got inspected.

I assure you, this was not how I’d wanted to wind down my career, but I think I’ll learn a lot, have fun, get to know some new people, and not lose the real friends I made at the current place. I think everyone will be happy with this. I’m really proud to have managed this transition as smoothly as I have. Things sure can work out, at least sometimes!

My readers, family, and friends: your support and kindness has really helped, even if you didn’t know it. It’s nice to know there are folks who appreciate you!