Wheeze wheeze. I guess I’ll wheeze forever. I’m ok if I do things slowly, so I hang out with the horses and wander around thanking Mother Nature for showing us signs of spring. I think she’s blowing it in from the south, since today has been blustery.
What’s this? Our first bluebonnet of the year!And what’s this? Our first Indian paintbrush! Beauty is coming. Bye bye cranes! Enjoy the North!
I’ve continued to be absolutely captivated by the beauty of our yearly carpet of tiny friends. It’s impressive that something as teeny as tiny bluet can make the ground look purple.
These come in many shades and mix in with chickweed (white), Field madder (pink), and corn speedwell (blue). And the yellow of black medick or burr clover.
There has been so much crow poison this year that it scents the air, which isn’t bad for something named “poison” (or wild garlic). I know I showed some recently, but it’s so pretty I want to share more.
Sorry for all the plant photos but it’s all I’ve got other than farm animals. But here are other early beauties from today.
First verbena of the yearTenpetal anemone is so delicate Drarf dandelion is so tiny. Why I don’t mow dandelions Prickly sow thistle can be unattractive but look at this one. I enjoyed the dew on this ragwort that’s just coming up.
I did get the first row of my blanket done. It’s still January on it.
I have spent the past two days trying to get a chest x-ray, you know, because my chest is full of fluid and probably horrible fungal growth. I am concerned, you see. I am beginning to see why people just use the emergency room as their primary healthcare provider, because trying to AVOID such things and not go into debt over a cough is a pain (in my chest and brain).
So, I went to the nice little clinic in my home town that is not affiliated with the corporate mega-system I am not fond of. They said yep, my lungs are rattling and wheezing, so I needed a chest x-ray to help diagnose. I also got blood work, after two tries, because Worker A probably had never drawn blood out of a living human and left my arm looking like this:
Old woman with bruised arm
Worker B then arrived and took the four endless vials of blood out of the other arm. Sigh. I won’t know if I have the fungal infection or other issue until the lab results come in. So, merrily I cough along.
Merrily coughing at sunset, when normally I’d be horsing around
I was so short of breath yesterday that I didn’t dare try to groom the horses or ride them, though I did sit and look at them while they ate, then spent a long time just hanging out with Apache and massaging his poll (top of head), since he asked for it.
The others were busy scarfing up leftovers
Anyway, of course the nice little clinic doesn’t have its own radiology department, so I consented to go to the only place in town that has a machine, which is operated by the company I am not fond of. When I arrived with my paperwork in hand, they informed me that their x-ray machine is broken. I could go to another town to another of their facilities, but I declined.
Goldie backed me up. She doesn’t like crowded scary places, either.
This started me on a health care odyssey to get an x-ray elsewhere. By noon today, I’d made six phone calls, left numerous messages, got many corrected phone numbers, and lost my patience. Usually I’m a fairly patient patient, but I didn’t feel very well, as I soldiered along recording myself talk and pausing to breathe a lot.
Let’s take a break and enjoy all the henbit that’s blooming right now. It will get mowed soon, so I’m enjoying it while I can.
Finally, after I’d gotten irritated enough to get in the car and drive back to the clinic to try to talk to someone in person, they called to say they’d faxed my orders to a place that was associated with my OLD doctors in Austin. Soon they actually called and said it had gotten through.
Did I make it to Temple, Texas in record time? Of course not. I got behind a very strange-looking semi-truck that plodded along at 60 in 70 mph zones, trailing up to twelve cars. Thankfully, they pulled over at a turn and let us all go free.
I thanked my lucky stars, as well as the moon, Jupiter, and Venus.
The place I went was clean, spacious, and NOT crowded. though a little hard to find. The facility did please me. How long did the x-ray take after spending 20 minutes filling out paperwork? I’d say 65 seconds. Now, let’s see if I get any results from all the testing and perhaps get treatment. That would be nice. I just do NOT want to get sick enough to go to a hospital. I really don’t like hospitals and all their germs.
The sun is setting on this struggle.
I just wish we had our old local hospital back, where you could get an x-ray and labs, and get looked at quickly. However, it’s now the county office building. Rural health care in the US is sad. I can’t imagine how it would have been if I didn’t have insurance.
Between work and the weather, I haven’t been doing much that’s very exciting for the past two days. Nonetheless, I’m feeling pretty darned good. I’ve managed to place myself in the Piscean sweet spot between my desires to be alone and meditate and my need for human contact. That’s rare. I have too much of one and not enough of the other much of the time (though the tack room has helped a lot with my balance at the ranch).
It has been a moody and rainy day
I have to pat myself on the back, because my post yesterday about anticipation and its consequences encouraged a couple of people who I care about to call me, which led to some good, old-fashioned catching up. I’m really grateful that my stepsister and my cousin are in my life, because they support me in all my weirdness and they both make me laugh a lot.
Lunchtime view. Not shown: shrieking children
In addition I did some Facebook messaging with people I don’t talk to often, and planned a surprise gift for a friend, which is guaranteed to put a smile on one’s face. It just plain feels good to be reminded of your connections with others. That’s one reason I enjoy Zoom meetings with two groups of friends every week. It builds community, which I also find therapeutic.
Damp oaks. It’s okay, because these are my favorite colors.
Long and winding phone calls with people who know you really well can be quite therapeutic. I figured out a lot of stuff about how my family of origin ticked by talking to my relatives, and it became even clearer how my mental health challenges came to be.
View from community room, where I worked while my room was being cleaned.
And now I realize that I could have this sense of community a lot more often if I wasn’t so damn sure I’d be rejected when I call someone and get all Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria on myself. My brain thinks everyone is too busy to talk to boring old me. I’m sure some people are. Some are not. But I don’t try, because I don’t want to feel bad.
Lordy, I sound like a total mental mess, even though I actually feel pretty fine now. I simply notice it when I feel like no one likes me, tell myself it doesn’t matter one bit, and go do something fun. That sounds like a plan.
Views of rain clouds.
And on that note, it’s time to watch another movie.
The morning today was like in some princess movie, with dozens of little chirping birds surrounding me with songs, plus a loud and strikingly beautiful red-bellied woodpecker. I’ll remember this brief retreat at Lake Somerville for a long time.
It’s impressive how much beauty you can find among bare branches and the promise of spring flowers. But these things must end, and I turned my focus to work as we left for home.
My office with seat belts!
I missed getting to evaluate the horse camping area because I was concentrating on work, but from what I saw, it could be fun. I was thinking of my precious pets, though, as we stopped at Tractor Supply for horse and hen food.
It’s a little squished in travel mode, but under the RV you can store a lot of pet food.
After a happy reunion with all the pets (you should have seen the horses galloping up from the back pasture when they saw me!), reality hit me and Lee with a thud.
I’m able to rest comfortably now that y’all are back!
Yeah, the people who sell Medicare supplements came by to help Lee with his Part B and supplement selection. That’s painful. I’m just getting A until my job ends, so I mostly sat there wishing the government made ANYTHING easy for people. Being elderly hermits isn’t for wimps.
There was just so much chatting and chit chatting as we filled out forms and made decisions. I missed the silent campsite! But the folks we are working with are nice, not high-pressure sales people, and knowledgeable. I shouldn’t complain. They made it easier to know what to get and what not to get, for our specific needs. It truly feels weird to be old.
Oh and one more thing. Wow, people have a lot of opinions on this delicate topic. I’m glad I know some smart folks. Just whatever you do, don’t make decisions based on the ENDLESS television commercials about Medicare. If I were younger I’d be throwing things at the television to make the commercials go away. I’d like to now, too. So deceptive! And incessant.
Thank goodness for hugs.
I hope your mortality isn’t staring at you today, that you’re safe from flooding if you’re on the West Coast of the US, and that you have something or someone to hug, even virtually. We all need support for one reason or another.
Hey, I got through one of my extra-long days and I’m not totally wiped out! I have my life back! Yep, I even woke up for my 7 am meeting at 6:45, having forgotten to save my alarm clock setting, and made it in time. Woo!
I wish I could say I spent all day watching Apache run around in circles with Camina at my side. But I enjoyed a few minutes!
I got all my work done, then had two hours of horse lessons, then a Zoom meeting. Whew. That’s a long day, but it was full of goodness. Even the weather is pleasant.
Moon over Mabel after my last meeting.
I’m so relieved to feel well enough to get all this done and enjoy myself. Apache was so much fun in our lesson, too. We are making progress and having a good time. He tries to do whatever I ask, which is fine with me. Poor guy is hot, though. He has his thick winter coat on, which makes trotting faster and slower and faster and slower a sweaty activity.
Here Tarrin is checking his muscles. You should have seen him jump! What a guy.
I’m so glad our hard work is paying off and we’re getting skills! On the other hand, Drew and I are very obviously at the beginning of our journey. We both have so much to learn, but I’m willing! There’s a lot of patience involved, but it’s ok.
Both of us look resigned.
Tarrin kept telling me it’s all normal and not to be upset. I really felt fine the whole lesson; I was just thinking about all the things I had to do. You know, learning overload! And Drew did reward me by walking like a true gentleman back to the trailer. This was down the path that scared Apache so much, and in the dark!
I did not mean to write another boring horse blog, I just wanted to say how great it is to be able to do things and enjoy them again! Maybe by tomorrow I’ll stop needing to blow my nose!
Lee has surprised me with a trip to a little cabin in the countryside an hour or so northwest of the ranch, to celebrate our 14th anniversary. When you marry late in life, each year means a lot. It was a foggy and misty afternoon but we enjoyed the drive, especially the parts where we wandered around the countryside near Bruceville-Eddy.
It was warm enough to sit outside a while.
There are more oak trees, so we got to enjoy fall foliage, and we saw many pretty properties. There were also some rather unique ones that looked more like compounds that had grown oddly over time.
This place has a compound of places to sit.
It turns out that’s because there are compounds out here. Oh. Branch Davidians and the ilk. I’ll not bother them and they’ll not notice me, no doubt.
The tiny house cabin is nice inside. I forgot to take pictures.
The place we are has interesting and highly Texan decor, but it’s cozy. The owner has put in lots of native plants, and they have bees. There’s a donkey but you aren’t supposed to pet it.
Donkey in background.
Today we just relaxed and talked a bit to the folks next door, who are a former television journalist and a former English teacher from Plano. Lots to talk about!
Very Texas.
We ate silly food like cheese, potato chips, and fruitcake. Our idea of fun. Heck, we enjoyed the slightly nicer small-town grocery store than Cameron has, so we’re easily entertained.
Lee says this is the septic system. I thought it was a bomb shelter.
I’m finally on the mend and much less sick, so I look forward to a visit to a state park and perhaps a winery tomorrow. I really appreciate Lee taking me out of town!
I haven’t been posting much, because it gets boring to say, “I feel crummy,” every day. But, I feel crummy still. Whatever this virus is, it’s tenacious. Now that my course of antibiotics is over, I figure things will devolve into a sinus or lung infection. But I’m telling my body it’s gonna GET WELL, in the hopes that positive thinking makes a difference.
It was cool this afternoon that the line of clouds looked like snow-covered mountains. I felt like I was visiting Colorado again, even though I didn’t get to go this year.
The good news is that Lee ordered a new printer for himself, because his kept dying once it went into its sleep cycle. Why is that good? I got his old printer, that’s why, and it’s a nice one, other than that flaw. Since I don’t need to print very often, I’m fine just turning the thing on when I need it, so the sleep cycle won’t be a problem. I can now print my own knitting instructions and maps of horse obstacle courses!
When not in use, the printer serves as a lovely stand for my sticker-heavy bullet journal, which I’m happy to say is big enough to fill a whole year! I have next year’s ready to go, too. Note that I am so sick that I managed to misspell December, in pen. Sheesh.
That makes me feel so darned independent. I used to have to email things to Lee and hope he eventually opened his email and saw my request. Now, boom, it’s almost instant. I can also scan photos or make copies. Wow. I’ve joined the twentieth century, only a couple of decades too late.
That’s about it from here. I’ll go use some more tissues now.
The height of “fall color” has arrived, and I’m really enjoying looking at it.
My view.
But oh my goodness, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! How long can a cold last, anyway? How much mucous can one nasal cavity hold? I guess I am going to find out, because I feel just awful, still.
Head toward the light, Vlassic!
I had 5 straight hours of meetings this morning, many of which required speaking and acting intelligent. That was no easy task. And before the weather gets bad again, I want to ride Apache and Drew. But I feel like crap.
Thanks, trees.
I got to wondering if maybe this is more than a cold, so I took yet another COVID test, but it just mocked me.
That’s a negative
I had been thinking COVID because I am tired and if I exercise a lot, it’s hard to breathe. But hey, a cold will do that, too. Or maybe the flu tests missed some kind of flu and I have that. All I know is I’m almost finished with antibiotics, which means I’ll probably get a sinus infection next. (Yes, I take probiotics.)
That brush pile may be ugly, but it houses a lot of white-crowned sparrows!
Anyway, that’s my whine. I am tired of being sick, even if I’m a Bad Ass, according to my coworker who sent a mug just like hers. That was a kind gesture, wasn’t it? And yes, I look like I feel. Crappy.
When the fall color arrives here in the middle of Texas, it’s subtle, and you don’t see it coming. I love this season and take comfort in the quiet beauty of our cedar elms and oaks as they prepare to lose their leaves for the winter.
I see some orange and yellow out there.
Today dawned sunny and crisp, but not cold. It was a welcome relief to see the sun for the first time in many days, and even more welcome was the sight of the new pond finally completely full and draining to the other side of the dam. After four cloudy, drizzly days, we had a large front move through overnight that brought enough rain to fill the drought-parched tanks for the first time since last spring. I guess the drought is over, at last.
It’s full!
I keep you healthy
The way this season has crept up reminds me of how I’ve been moving into the autumn of my life and not realizing it. I’ve been lucky to be very healthy since we came out to the Hermits’ Rest and have been growing stronger and more capable thanks to working with the horses and other animals.
Realistically, I am old.
But this illness that came up last week has been a very unsubtle reminder that I’m not a young person anymore. A cold that I’d usually just power through over a few days has made me weak and tired. I didn’t expect that at all. I keep trying to go out and get things done, only to feel worse and fall asleep for a few hours. I’m not bouncing back.
I am glad that it’s been so wet and muddy out, because it the weather had been good, I know I’d have been trying to force myself out to work with Drew, who needs me on him and working with him. But our working area is a little lake right now, and I am barely able to maneuver across the muck to get the food buckets for the poor horses. (They are not suffering; in fact, I think they are enjoying the pleasant temperatures and the abundant hay.)
And the horses have puddles to stomp in.
As I’m pulling myself out of the depression episode and feeling my mortality more than usual, it’s taking effort to not go into reflective mode and dwell on goals not achieved, mistakes made, and errors unaddressed. The sun’s helping me remind myself that I’m still able to learn new things, be kind to those who’ll accept kindness, and forgive others.
I should do more looking at reflections and less reflecting. This is the creek, with water at last.
While it’s true that I notice my memory failing and don’t know how much longer I’ll be a useful member of society, I do have confidence that no matter what, I’ll be able to enjoy each new autumn when it arrives. It may just be different from now on as I go from the autumn to the winter of life.
Now, that’s a pondSo much betterHackberry leavesLook! Color!Happy hedgerowPretty seedsCoral vineStinkhorn!Autumn in the Walker’s Creek area
Yesterday was US Thanksgiving. I didn’t blog, because, thanks to still being sick, all my energy was taken up with cooking. I’m glad to report, that with some help and good cheer, the meal came out great and everyone in our little ranch community had fun.
Lee could not help, as he had a giant dog on his lap. (Joke)
It rained all day again. We aren’t getting much each day, but it’s helping. Between the dismal weather and my throbbing sinuses, I didn’t want to be out much, anyway.
Dismal
Today I’ve felt a little better, so I went to the Red House to remove fall decor and make it look Christmas-like, since that’s the thing people do nowadays. I discovered the new wardrobe had arrived for the second bedroom. It’s rather large. Some rearranging will be needed.
I put it sideways but need help lifting the rugPretty details
There are now king sized pillows on the big bed, too, though I need to exchange one of the shams’ pillow for the new ones. New ones are pretty lumpy and would be better for shams, but I got too tired to switch them out. Darned cold. In fact, I fell asleep after writing the previous sentence. I’m tired
Otherwise it’s looking subtly like winter holidays are coming. Or perhaps it’s kitschy. I did my best. Maybe we have a guest this weekend. Still wanting a couple of “test guests” before going all out.
I also got a couple of baskets and decor items. Most of the stuff I found in a cabinet. I bought the big red ball. Stuff from Bobcat houseDittoThe kitsch department This looks good.
So far, the best suggestion I’ve gotten is to leave a few books out. That’s a good idea. I can leave some of the novels I’ve read and a couple of Texas books.
Fake books don’t count.
Time to go home and rest and drink plenty of fluids. I’m thankful for you readers and friends. You make my life richer.
The Hermits' Rest 